The Snark Tank - #46: ... The Results

Episode Date: November 20, 2020

The aftermath of the election! How'd it go? The next generation consoles are here but do they suck? Are Danny Phantom's powers practical? What flavor would you prefer your baby batter to be? Is Christmas the worst? We're a VIDEO PODCAST NOW?!!? All that and more on todays hellish episode of the Snark Tank!  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

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I'm going to talk about it's always. I'm going to rock it. Hey, I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm never back. Welcome to the Snark Tank podcast. It's me, Chris Reagan, and I'm joined as always by some black eye and Thompson. Why are you rocking like an animal?

He's nervous, dude. I'm hell of nervous, dude. I've never been on camera before. I've never been on camera before. I don't usually do this when people are recording, you know? It is pretty, it is a special day. We've got video now We've got video

We're trying this out We're hopefully this goes well I understand that there's been a decent I've gotten a lot of messages about concerns Based on like other shows that have gone video from audio That it's like unlistenable To audio listeners because like it just becomes like Hey you know look at this thing that's on video

And if you're listening on audio fuck you Yeah So we're very concerned conscious of that. I don't care though, so deal with it. Yeah, and we're not a clip show either, so it's not going to, like, it's

not going to be, it's not going to be drastic or something. Yeah, we're not juggling shit, you know, like, we're not, like, we're not doing, like, crazy stunts that you guys are going to have to tune into the video to see. This is just, by the way, check out my shirt.

My shirt is so, you got, you got, my shirt's kind of fire, too. Oh, my God. You guys see Slasher? It's pretty lit, honestly. Yours is better than mine, but yours,

mine is pretty lit too. Slasher. Okay, so this. He's got a skateboard. I want to fuck you in the ass, motherfucker. Okay, so this is the exact kind of thing that won't be happening.

But yeah, but anyway, before we get too deep into today's, you know, very special post-election episode, I wanted to let everybody know about a big change coming to the podcast.

We announced this on Patreon and on Twitter. So just check those for more in-depth the details, but we've decided to kind of change the days that the podcast go live instead of Mondays on Patreon and Thursdays on free feeds. We'll be posting one day later, so Tuesdays on Patreon and Fridays on free feeds. There's a bunch of reasons why, and you can see that in the free Patreon update that is on the Patreon. If you go to patreon.com slash snark tank, you can read that and keep up to date with everything that's going on. we missed last week and that is also

detailed in that post as well we're also going to be doing some solo episodes we promised this a couple months ago so we're going to be doing that the first one I'm going to handle because I got so many like weird specific halo questions that I don't want to fucking put Derek through

so we're just going to get that you don't want to do that to you that'll be out soon but there's more details on the Patreon so if you want to check that out you can and with that housekeeping done, where are we at now? We're in Joe Biden's America now. We are, man. Potentially? Potentially? Not so fast. Trump has claimed multiple times that he won. That's true, yeah. He has. He won't give up, man. He won't give up, bro. I admire the tenacity. It really is just fascinating to watch. Because initially, like, I thought, like, okay, this might go somewhere.

And then, like, the electoral college votes just shot the fuck up. And I was like, oh, okay, well, I don't think he, I don't even think, I don't even think a recount will help. He didn't just kind of lose. He just, he lost. He got, he's like, it's like the idea of someone, like, he didn't, he didn't get the landslided. He didn't get the landslided, but he definitely, like, lost by good margin. He lost by good margin. Yeah, he lost.

He didn't win the fight, I would say. no and uh it wasn't it has been wild seeing you know just the the twitter shit is like on point i'm making a video right now about about like the the reaction to the election and it's just the i keep having to add shit like it just keeps coming it's it's wild you're gonna have that shit's i decided to i have so much stuff collected i decided to actually to actually to forego all the rest of it. He's already put out like a salty aftermath video, which a lot of the, since I was never so hostile towards Trump, just other than like, say, when he was missile striking Syrian

shit, stuff like that. Yeah. I wasn't really like constantly being, oh, he's this, he's that, because I really didn't care. So then I made that video just making fun of everybody being absolutely ridiculous and be like, yeah, he won everything's fraud, blah, blah, blah. blah and stuff and people were so angry people i i thought i'm like come on guys i've been this radical centrist guy this quote-unquote like just this fucking guy the entire time and then

um in the comments section there's people like oh you fucking i'm basically joining your your camp chris like you fucking you leftist shill you i was like oh you commie you communist I was like, I explained before the video even got into it that I'm like, oh, I made a video about Trump and the salty aftermath. Now it's appropriate to do one for Biden. It's just, it's just equal playing. God, yeah. It's not playing favorites. Yeah, it's totally no play favorites.

Fair game is fair game. And, you know, if you don't, all you, all you had to do was not flip out. And, you know, then no, no video would have. happened because there would be no ammo but there's a ton of ammo as there always is with with this kind of thing especially in the modern like after 2016 i'm convinced every election is going to be just a massive meltdown like i just it's because i don't remember this meltdown really in 2012 i remember like a little bit of it in 2008 i remember there were people who like burned like an obama effigy in like i don't know some some an effigy yeah they burned like uh what the fuck like

like the things you have in dark souls that you burn to get your huge humanity back? Someone burned one of those things? I remember that, I remember a very vague, I have a vague recollection of that happening in like, I don't know, like Mississippi or like some,

like one of those places. Fagy. In 2008, but that was as bad as, that was as bad as I saw it. And in 2012, it was kind of like, I feel like barely anybody cared about that one.

Like, I feel like 2012 was the year that everybody was like, you know, Obama was just going to win again. Let him go. Yeah. Yeah.

Everybody was like, everybody kind of assumed that Obama was going to win because incumbents typically win. And also just like, I don't know, Mitt Romney wasn't all that exciting. But I remember even in 2012 thinking like, I wasn't like I liked Obama back then because he was obviously like super charismatic and he seemed chill. That was as far as like by politics land. Yeah. But I remember being like, oh, you know, even if he loses, it's like, ah, Mitt Romney seems fine, you know. Like he just seems like a guy, you know. It was pretty interchangeable.

I mean, even like, see, the biggest thing that everybody would talk about, like the Affordable Care Act, Mitt Romney was the one that came up with that shit in Massachusetts. Yeah. And then Obama adopted it. So it was kind of like, I was like, it's the same shit. It was basically like picking like a different character skin. It was a skin, yeah. Do you want to be slender man?

Do you want to be Enderman or do you want to be Steve? That's pretty much all it was. Yeah, but it's, man, it has been. It has been a wild ride on Twitter these past couple weeks. This election feels like, I mean, obviously because of all the mail-in ballots, it's felt like it's been going on for fucking ages. It felt like an election year, you know. It has.

It's been the worst. If you guys want some good content, just if you're on Twitter, I would advise you to follow Terence K. Williams with notifications on. because this this this little dude this little nigger is he just it's he's he's almost it's all he's he's just a step like under like the being pathetic like trump like the shit that he's tweeting and it's so it's sad man it's it it looks like it's it's it's like his his dad lost you know and it's it's it's it's some of the saddest shit but it's so entertaining like i just i i i have the notification on and um...

Yo, I don't have notifications on for anyone. You have to, for, for that, well, for this specific reason, I definitely I had to, I had to put them on. It was just too good. I can't deal with it. That's hilarious. Yeah.

Yeah, it's... Other than that, I don't have notifications on for anybody else. I don't fucking... Yeah, fuck everybody. Oh, yeah, I've seen this guy. Yeah. I have it off of my girlfriend. That's about it. She's the only person I have notifications on for her. That's disgusting.

Because I care about her when she speaks. You fucking stalking her? Is that it? No, I'm not, I already won. I already caught the bass. I'm not stalking anything. I'm just checking up on her. Stalking.

Are you stalking your girl for by having notifications on? Dude, man. There's, having notifications on stalking your girl. There's people like that, man. There's people that fucking, that are just, you know, they're insane. They, every, every, they have to know where you are at every. given moment and they those type of people usually turn into serial murderers because I've seen them on the true crimes like all the fucking time it's all the time like oh I won bro I won already

I did it I made I caught that I caught that thing I opened that chest I did the whole Zelda thing put it up in the air I want it I'm not just let's just all calm down I think this whole I don't know man this this election has felt so fucking weird but I think the fact that what's so surprising I think about this whole thing is how surprised everybody is by it. Not necessarily by the outcome necessarily by like who won and who lost, because I honestly feel like it could have been like a complete toss-up. I was fully expecting Trump to win simply because the incumbent typically wins, and that's like just a pretty safe rule to bet on. Didn't happen this time. But the fact that everybody was like surprised, it's like, oh, hey, Trump's not conceding. Even though

he said he wouldn't. And like, oh, the mail and ballots are taking forever to count like we all knew they would. Oh, the mail and ballots are pretty much unanimously or almost unanimously blue. Like we would have assumed would happen anyway. Uh, because Trump was out there saying how stupid mail and ballots were. Like, what do you, I don't know how you don't expect that kind of thing. You know? What do you expect to happen? I mean, I, I, the problem. is, and this is, I saw a compilation of, and I don't watch

Tim Poole's videos, but there's a compilation circulating around with his predictions about the election. He has a very large audience. Yeah. So you have to imagine a lot of these people suspected Trump to destroy Biden because of how often he was saying shit like that. And I was wondering, who else was saying that?

Like, like, I don't know. What did he say, like 49 state landslide? Yeah. How could you, 49 states? Yes, yes. That's what he's saying. Like, it's just going to be landslide.

He's going to get the vast majority like 500 fucking electoral votes. Like, I was just like, dude. Wait a minute. That's so insane. You guys are listening. Unbelievable statement. There's some 49 state. There's at least, I'm honestly, there's 13 states that are just blue states.

If I'm not mistaken, without any of the toss of states. Yo, they thought this is real. People thought that Trump was going to take California. Like, genuinely. People thought that that was going to take California. going to happen. Dude, you know what's crazy? After looking at the votes, I was like seeing all the places in New York that voted red,

doing a lot of New York votes red. I never knew that. Well, yeah. I thought that, like, New York is mostly like farmland. Like, it's mostly like, like, it's mostly nothing. Once you leave New York City, it's like farmland. But the city other than like white plains, not white plains, Westchester. California is huge and most of it is like barren farm shit.

and a bunch of like say the deserty parts where a lot of the you know the the good old boys with giant trucks they move into like the inland empire they move to the south orange county and like that shit's all conservative and then there's just like the metro the you know the metropolis is that where most people live and that's how it becomes blue you know that's insane it's this is wild to me how much like how much of the state that i lived in that i thought it's like oh this is a blue state by like a vast majority and it is solely because of the city the city's yeah full of people and like it just landslides everywhere else. That's kind of thing is like New York is so populated, so densely populated and so goddamn big that like, you know, you have all these red counties in New York, but, and it looks like a lot of land, but like all that land, it's a lot of land math, but it's not all that land that votes red in like a single county in upstate New York is probably like maybe like five square city blocks, you know, like it's. There's not a lot of people.

There's just not a lot of people there. There are towns that have numbers in the hundreds, you know, and it's just fucking insane. Hundreds. But imagine there'd be a hundred people. There's 15 people in your graduating class. I just don't know how you could have possibly believed. Like, that's the thing. It's like Tim Poole, like I know, like I've met Tim Poole.

I've spoken with him. I've hung out with him a couple times. I know. And like, we haven't been getting along lately, but like I know he's not a stupid person. Like, he's not like an uneducated guy. Like, he's a pretty smart dude. I can't even fathom how he came to that conclusion. Either he's just completely off the, off, out of his fucking gourd, or he's just misleading people on purpose.

I don't know. Because 49, a 49 state landslide, dude, a 49 state landslide is an insane prediction. Like, like, who's ever had 49 states? Anyone ever had 49 states? Like, in the beginning of the country? country maybe. Like it's been not even then bro. Well, there weren't even there were well that's because there weren't 49 states but like a similar you know a similar like landslides that they did happen kind of frequently like early earlier on. But like in the last like 50 years I don't think

I don't think I don't think Washington had 49 states bro. I don't think I don't know because there's percentage like the same percentage like that's a lot bro. No that's what I'm saying out of the country just be like yo I got you. It's an insane it's an insane it's an insane prediction, especially considering like, everybody's touting, like, we are living in the most divisive political time of our, of modern history. Everyone's at each other's throats. Everyone's really divided and diametrically opposed. Therefore, a 49 state landslide?

Like, how could you possibly? Well, to me, it comes down to two things. Either, yeah, it's just a grift and it gets like the viewer's happy. more of them pour in, they're feeling good. Or when you're just watching programs that just say shit like that, he could just be watching conservative programs and they're saying the same shit and he's just saying, you know, regurgitating what they're saying.

Honestly. Because nobody, like my prediction was Biden was going to take it because of COVID. That was my, it made sense to me. Like, I think Trump would have won if the pandemic didn't happen. But that was the, that just tipped every. everybody was like fuck this dude fuck this orange piece of shit and i can't fucking go anywhere this this could have been done a lot better but he doesn't give a fuck and then and that that's it's it that that's honestly my failing point with him too i think he just handled covid horribly yeah

like that's as simple as what it is it's like oh he's handled this really i i don't i i will say though i don't know if anyone like i like it's it still would have been bad but the thing there was no there was no like what do you call it there was no effort for him to try to get people to be responsible, which is... Yeah, no, that is true. Like, he definitely, like, didn't help at all. Insalted mass wearing. But, but...

But something that is true, which is kind of wild. Trump wanted to actually give a lot of people stimulus checks. Oh, yeah. And then Nancy Pelosi and Mitch McConnell, the two heads of the stupid dragon, didn't want to do it for various reasons that are probably really stupid. Although, obviously, Trump didn't... Trump only wanted to do it so he could write his name on the check. The reason, so Trump only wanted to do it because he wanted the, he wanted the, the credit.

Popular support, right? Oh, yeah, no. Like, yo, everybody's going to love the guy who gives him free money. Yeah, Pelosi and Mitch, and they, just for the same reason Trump wanted to do it was the reason why they didn't want him to do it. How do you have people represent you, but not represent you? And then they still get fucking reelected. It is wild. It is pretty fucking.

And it's staggering. But like for me personally, like I, I understand politics because I've taken like a bunch of polyside classes. And that's how I understand like the basis of politics at least. But as soon as I understood, I was like, oh, everyone's just the same. There's no, there's no group of like the Democrats or the Republicans. No one gives a fuck about odd people. They just want to be rich. That's all of them.

Oh, yeah. And like I don't get how other. That's such an obvious thing. Like if you can't see that now, like I don't know how. how you can't understand that just simply think of it like this. Like, I'm a, I'm a Bernie boy. I'm not going to act like I'm not. I'm very much so a Bernie boy.

But the simple fact that he just wanted health care in this country for everybody. That's a unanimous plus across the board for every human in this country. I mean, JFK was talking about that stuff. And so was, dude, a lot of people were talking about it. Yeah, but like, I like to bring up JFK because he's not a modern president. You know, he's like from like a lot of people would argue. kind of like a time period that a lot of um you know conservative people are really nostalgic for and i think like nobody was going to call him no one was going to be like oh

kennedy's a commie like i don't know any any right wing person who would say that i mean he was fighting the commies at the moment so he was like that's what i'm saying it's like that's pretty crass pretty hard to call him a comedy right but that's what i'm saying it's like it's it's the same exact opinion that i'm called a commie for right now and It's like just this opinion, this generic opinion from the 60s. You know, it's not even that. But I do think, like, I don't know, man, I, I'm not, it's not necessarily defensive Trump to say that like, oh, anybody would have handled it handled this poorly.

But it's like, it's really, I don't imagine, regardless of who is in the White House, I think they would have lost this election. Because. I think so. I think when you have a president who is just associated with, you. the pandemic, you know, like, I think even regardless, like, obviously, like, there's a chance that somebody could have done the job, like, super well, and very few people would have gotten sick. But I just, I don't even think that's possible in the United States because of, like,

the culture that we have in our, we have a very, like, anti-authoritarian culture, which is good in a lot of ways, but it also kind of bites us in the ass whenever the government recommends something that's fairly common sense. And we just go, like, know the government told us that. so fuck that. I agree. I very much so agree with that. And, you know, I think it would have gotten bad regardless. And I think the person who was in the White House in the middle of it would have just been fucked regardless.

Although, you know, I do think before this, before the whole pandemic thing, I do think, like, Trump would have had a pretty easy time. Like, I don't think anybody would have really been that motivated to vote for Biden, if not for all this crazy shit. I think that I agree with you in the fact that no one would have handled it very well. I don't think it could have been handled very well. But I think that a lot of lives could have been saved if it was a tackled the right way from the beginning. Oh, yeah. No, obviously. I think from the very beginning where he had information, he just didn't disclose it the right way.

Like, you don't have to come up and create mass hysteria by talking about the COVID. Because even when you did, West hair wasn't created. People were frightened because, you know, it's a pandemic. Well, also, let's just knock this. oh, he didn't want to cause a panic shit. It's, don't argue that. That's such a dumb argument

because he's on Twitter causing panic every day. Like literally every day. He has no... That was his excuse, though. Yeah, it was obviously his excuse, but there are people who believe it. It's like, oh, he just didn't want to cause a panic.

It's like, are you fucking kidding me, dude? This dude's like calling people to arms because he lost an election. Like, there's no way this guy cares about causing a panic or not. He just didn't want to do it because he didn't want to look bad. And that's pretty in keeping with his character. And I think that's totally like, I don't know, like you could,

you could predict that a mile away, dude. Yeah, you know? I don't think anyone would have been, as a president, would have been like, oh, fuck, this is going to suck me talking about, oh, this is a fucking plague coming to the world. And people are going to die, not probably. You know, like, it's really bad. But, I mean, I think that if, if, it depends on who was in,

I think very much so. But yeah, I think overall would have been bad. No, obviously. If Obama was in, shit would have been fucking smooth. Because he just would have been like, let's play some basketball. And then fucking people would be, oh, it's dope. Now, me and my dog, Bo here. We have invented drones that can shoot viruses.

Right out the sky. We're going to drone strike people. We're going to drone strike people. Okay, but listen here, me and my dog, Bo, Sasha Malia and Michelle, we're all going to be fine, right? We're inside our bunker. We're not going to. Don't forget about both. A drone striking people with fucking COVID.

We're going to send all the virus to Flint, Michigan. Drink the water. It'll be fine. There's fucking pencils and COVID in the water now. You turn on your fauc and a pencil falls into your cup. Do you imagine that? Jesus. What if we found out that Obama has a grudge with Flint?

And that's why, like, their water specifically fucked up because he did it. He dated a girl from Flint and she broke his heart, so he decided to just poison the water supply. To poison everybody. Guys, wasn't his office in Detroit, if I'm mistaken? Huh? What? His office was in Detroit, right? He was a senator in Detroit, right?

Was it sent? Was it Detroit? Was Michigan? Honestly, I didn't know shit about him before he started running for president. I didn't know. I didn't know. I knew he was a senator, but I didn't know. I didn't know fuck all about him.

never never heard him once or anything yeah it was actually it was kind of interesting it was I mean I was I was barely paying attention to politics at that point anyway but it was just like well fuck's this guy and I was like he seems pretty dope and then um you know after a few years being in office I was like oh okay never mind yeah he's just like oh yeah he's just he's just suppress it had a jump shot other than him but yeah I mean that was dope I like to I like seeing his March Madness predictions. I was like this. I hate that you're doing this for like a bread and circuses thing.

Like you're distracting people. But I still like it. I still like I watch him like meet like fucking with the, oh, oh, here's the NBA champions and stuff like that. He meets with them. He's all fucking around. And I watched his speech. He gave a speech for Biden. It was like a 30 minute speech.

And it was like, it was good. But it's funny because I'm like, this is like, this is like. all bullshit, but it's still such a good speech. Yeah, yeah. He's likable do, man. Yeah, he's just, he's so charismatic and I'm like, I know all the stuff that fucking, you like continued all the shit

that Bush started, but like you're somehow saying that Trump's a tyrant too or something, I'm like, okay, whatever, that's fine. I just keep shooting them, she keeps shooting them J's man because they're pretty. He has a jumper, bro. He really does. Like, he's old now. He's too busy, like, trying to cover

up the fact that he killed so many people in the Middle East, but he still has a jump shot, bro. You can't deny it. He still has the eye jammer, bro. He would still pull up on you from three point range, sink that jump shot, and then be like, well, man, should have stepped up next time. It must be fascinating to be that person, though. It must

be fascinating to be just the guy who's like, like, a general comes to you, and he's like, listen, it's World War II. The Japanese are just not going to stop, my guy. Like, what do you want to do? And they give you like two options and they're both like it's just like a

it's like a telltale video game and it's just like multiple choice and you're just like I don't know I guess bomb and like and then and then a little notification in the top left corner comes up and says everyone will remember that oh my god like it lasts

like walking dead and it's just like just to like come out of office after after something like that is just like oh that's It's wild. Yeah, because like they can't... What do you think the likelihood of him getting...

We won't stay on politics for too much longer. It's just we cannot not mention the election. Yeah, it just happened. But what do you think the likelihood... What do you think the likelihood of him going to jail is? Zero. Yeah, obviously. Oh, zero. He's a president.

Zero. Yeah, no, exactly. I mean, there's so many... I've seen so many tweets, but like, oh, man, he's just... he's just throwing a fit because he's going to get arrested once he leaves like nah dude the presidents no the presidents are like essentially above the law anything he can get indicted for shit that has nothing to do with the presidency with his taxes and stuff like that yeah as a person but as far as like oh this war crimes or anything like that anything that he

did that's technically illegal no because it's going to set that president right yeah that if you yeah if you prosecute somebody uh oh the president then it's like fuck uh what do we Then really only the crazy people are going to want to be president. Because like imagine, imagine wanting to be president knowing that like the second you leave office, you're basically just fucked. You're more, you're tangible again.

They can see you. You're like Danny Phantom coming out of his fucking ghost form. You're like, holy shit, I think it touched me now. If Danny Phantom goes into ghost form and then steps like half his body into a wall, right? And then goes into human form again.

does his corporeal form take precedent over the matter that he's phasing through? Like, would he be cut? Like, if he flew up, like, let's say like his torso is like, he's on the ground, right?

And he comes out of the floor like, oh man, hey, what's up? It's me, Danny Phantom. And then he goes fucking corporeal. Is he going to be cut in half? Or is there just going to be like a Danny-shaped hole in the floor? Oh, no, no. The matter still, thought about that. What do you mean the matter still there?

Like the matter that is the floor is still there. So matter can't take the space of other matter. You know, so it's just going to get ripped in half. It's just going to get ripped and half to separated. He's not going to be like, oh, it's going to be a top half of Danny and a bottom half of Danny. That would be... I used to think that I wanted powers like that. And that just totally scared of straight.

Like, imagine fucking up just a little bit. What? Do you float? When you go, go, like, when you use your, your corpore your form, do you fall through the center of the earth? Do you I? Through the center of the earth? Do I float?

I don't know. I've never floated. Would you, like, go to space eventually? What would you like? Like, I don't know. Like, would you put pulled by gravity still? Do you get escaped from gravity when you no longer? You probably don't get pulled by gravity.

No, you wouldn't be pulled by gravity because you would have no mass. You just fucking go to space after a while. But then that, but hold on a second. But doesn't that mean that you're technically. not tethered So you're not To earth That's why you can fly

But you're not tethered to earth Does that mean you would just sort of like The second you go Like ghosts Would you just be like Whizzing through the world Because the world is spinning so fast I'd assume what happens

Is you're no longer bound By the laws of like Relative matter So you don't do anything you don't want to do You can just stay where you want Or you can fly or you can just do whatever you want Right but if you if you're If you're going

incorporeal and then like, you know, you're no longer tethered to Earth's gravity. That theoretically means that you're, you would be like flying through. Like the second you stopped, you would be like whizzing through things as fast as the planet is spinning, right? It would mean that if you were a thing that still had to obey the rules of physics once you do that. But if you don't get pulled by gravity, you probably aren't going to be affected by the rotation of the Earth either because you don't, you just don't get.

affected by shit. Some nerd shit. Fuck you. You're playing, you're fucking, you're playing a different video game from everybody else. People are playing Red Dead, you're playing fucking Gary's mod, you know? Oh yeah. Is this everything's fucking different. Well, speaking of video games, we, uh, next gen, it's here and, uh, yeah, the PS5 is so big.

Yeah, I can see it looks like a, it looks like a boat. It's, it's so goddamn unnecessarily big. No, I didn't, lucky you, Chris. No consoles. I don't have any I'll get a PS5 When God of War The next God of War comes out And then

I want one so bad I want a PS5 so fucking badly And I ordered it But what happened was It outsold before I can get my pre-order That's pretty much how that Yo Dude

I'm sure if people I'm sure if people follow me on Twitter They know this already But they fucking put my PS5 In the building Across the fucking street I had to break into a building to get my package.

I love Amazon. Amazon's so cool. That's crazy. Like, I have nothing but good experiences with Amazon. Like, I think I'm just lucky. Dude, this was the first time anything like this has happened. Like, I couldn't even fathom. Because, like, the addresses aren't even really similar, you know?

So it's like, what, like, what do you, why is my box in a different, like, at least put it in, like a, at the very, at least if they put it in front of like a different door like maybe not my, okay, at least you got the building, right? And my name is on it and shit in my address but like they just left it in another building. That's crazy. I got lucky that nobody didn't just fucking snag that shit.

You know, they were fucking with the tape, dude. I saw like I picked up the box and I saw the tape was fucked with. People were trying to look inside. I was so fucking livid man. I was on customer service. I was on customer support with like Amazon and like UPS and shit. I want another PS5.

I'm like, now. Give me another one. Dude, they were like, oh, don't worry. We can just refund you and replace it. It's like, dude, do you know how many of these are even in existence? Like, you can't just magically replace this shit. I don't want a refund. No, you can't.

Like, that thing's not going to come for a while. Amazon probably has enough of them. I still don't know where the hell my Xbox is. Like, I pre-ordered both of them because I like to talk about it for the podcast, but for sacred symbols. And it's like, my Xbox Series X pre-order still says order received. So, I guess, you know, whatever. Yeah, well, yeah, I want one so fucking badly. Why, though? Why?

Because I want, I just want a new console. That's it. The PS4 run its course and not a new one exists and I'd like it. New consoles are nice. Like, I just like opening. I like new hardware whenever, uh, there's like a nice feeling that you get whenever you open, like a box and it's got like a fucking, and especially with video games when it's like, you know, this, a new generation happens like what?

Like once every seven years at this point is like the average. So it's kind of like a nice little thing to experience. It is fucking really cool. Like Demon Souls is fucking great. I'm supposed to get it for that, Derek. And it looks goddamn gorgeous, but...

It's just too expensive for Demon Souls. You know, I have it for PS3, so it's kind of like, oh, I'll play the remastered eventually because that was kind of like the thing that I lagged on for a long time in the Demon Souls, but then I got this PS3 emulator and then I was like, cool, cool, cool. But that looks good, but it's not good enough for me

to want to just throw $500 just for Demon Souls because it's relatively, I know what the game is, and I know what it just looks great. It's just everything's kind of upgrade and stuff, which is fucking cool, but it's not something like, like God of Ward. That's enough for me. it'll it's gonna be a

the console's gonna be out for a long time there's gonna be a lot of other shit that's out there I mean the only day one thing I've ever got was Switch and then I fucking and then I sold it like a month later afterwards because I just Yeah I don't know I I um

I'm not like it that's just me It's just a personal thing I don't really like Go crazy about shit Especially I'd be pissed off if there was like issues Oh yeah yeah yeah you know your day one shit and then a lot of times there's a lot of defective shit. I'm like, fuck that.

I'll just wait. Yeah, I hear you. There are some day-win issues with the PS5 that are kind of like really weird. None that are necessarily like super detrimental, I would say, but they're a little weird. Like I remember like I was playing Miles Morales, Spider-Man Miles Morales,

and like, it's really good, by the way. I finished it. It's fantastic. It's a great game. But the, you know, I was playing it and my friend, one of my friends came into the room. And he was like, oh, yeah, you got it. It was like, yeah, yeah. And I was trying to show them like the UI. So I went back to the home screen.

And I started Miles Morales again. And it's restarted the game. And I was like, oh, weird. And then, like, the performance mode was missing. And it, like, wasn't running in 60 frames per second. And I lost all my saves. I was like, what the fuck is, what is this? What is happening?

And I realized that apparently, like, it ran the PS4 version on the PS5. and those apparently aren't the same thing. So it's just a completely different game. It was the most baffling fucking thing I've ever experienced. Because on like every other, on PC, that's not how that works. On Xbox, that's not how it works. Like if you run a game that you already own on more powerful hardware, it's the same fucking game.

It just runs better. And that's how it runs on P... That's how it works on PC. It's how it works on the Xbox consoles. In this one, there are two separate games entirely. And it's like... I don't know. really fucking weird.

Maybe because you bought the PS4 version, but even then that's kind of weird. I don't know. I don't know how to explain that all. It's just a design quirk because like there's, there's no real way to tell the difference, which is the real nuisance, but I don't know.

I like being there to like tweet about that shit. So that way like would be like, hey, you know, this is a fucking actual issue with the PlayStation 5. So that way people, you know, if they're, you know, jelly or whatever, they can at least, you know,

see that there's issues that'll get worked out by the time that they get their shit. For me, I just wanted to play Destiny at 60 fan per second, and I don't have to learn how to use mouse and keyboard. Because that shit is killing me. Mouse and keyboard is fucking alien to my mind. I feel like a fucking chimpanzee playing.

I'm just like, this doesn't make sense. Just plug in your fucking controller. Are you talking about? Controller's not as good. It is if you're good. I'm trying to... I'm pretty decent. I'm pretty decent at Destiny.

Kingston, I play on controller. I play on the controller on PC. What are you talking about? It's just you can't do. It's not as precise. That's about it. Yeah, but like, I mean... It's not an unbelievable level of margin, but it is...

Wait, it's a little bit of... What are you talking about? Like, you usually play on PS4, right? Yes. But on PS4, it's 30 frames per second with like 65 FOV. Yeah, so take your PS4 controller and play on your PC. But it's not as precise. Why is it not as precise?

What are you talking about? Are you talking about the fucking latency? He's talking about like because it's a PVP game, he's playing with people who have access to mouse and keyboard who are like way more precise than you can do. That's what you're talking about. You're like you're, I need the precision. You do want to play. But you don't need precision. You want to play with people that aren't as good.

That's what you're, that's what you're saying. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It'll be the same capabilities. It'll be the exact same kind of game for a console, or PS5 and console at a console and PC at that moment. So when it comes to console at 60 frames I'm like I'm just gonna play this Because I don't have to murder my fucking stupid ass hands That are used to holding the controller

Not used to fucking pressing You understand You understand that Destiny's getting crossplay soon With PC and other Well once that happens Then I'll deal with that But until then I'll live on console as a king A king among men

That's what I'm saying You're fucking That is that's like Mastering like not easy but just medium mode right or something like the normal mode you're like I'm this shit and then you don't want to move up to hard mode. Exactly. Why somebody at comfort zone when you don't have to?

I mean, I'm going to keep playing mouse and key because I'm going to get good at it. I'm going to have to eventually be able to do it because I'll tell you one. I'll tell you something. I play PVP competitive FPS video games on PC with controller and I do fucking great. Like there's no... I can do fine. I can even play trials or controller,

but I just can't hit the shots they hit. I just can't, like, I can, I can snipe somebody, I can put a bull in between someone's fucking eyes. But some of the shit that happens, I'm just like,

holy fuck. I can't, I can't snip in anything anymore with regard, like mouse and keyboard controller, I just can't do it. So I've just given up on that, like,

necessity for precision. It's just not necessary. I've recently acquired the ability to be able to snip as a controller. Anyway. On PC, I can do it because it's just click on someone's face when they run past you. I don't know. Quickly, he's a little twitch and click on someone's face.

This. But I'm just not good at moving around. I'm horrible at it, actually. I can run into fucking walls. People get too close to me. I freak out and I press every button but the melee button. It's because you're a fucking spastic, man. You're a goddamn spas.

I am. I'm spasily. That's why I'm good at fighting games. Well, Swinney, why don't you, uh, look, since you have a PC, why don't you put a couple of trainers on, just fucking cheat. I'm not going to do that Just become king of the hill I can't do it

The fucking until you get banned eventually Yeah Destiny is actually cracking down on that shit now I think I think they send I've thought about cheating before I think they send I think they send like bungee Like bungee police off it Like they have their own police I didn't know this

But they send bungee police to your door And they They wring your dog out like a towel Like a wet towel and they beat you to death with it. The dog doesn't pop, it just gets rung out. They've mastered a method to ring a dog out without popping it. I don't know how they do it.

And if you don't have a dog, and if you don't have a dog, they'll get one, and it'll still be sad because you're watching police murder a dog for no good reason. That's a very good use of resources. That's a very good means of punishment, bro.

That'll get the point across to any fucking body. Nobody wants to be beaten to death. with a dog. You're a cute Yorkie. They brought this baby Yorkie in my house and they wrung it the fuck out in front of me. You know what that feels like? I don't know, man. Oh my God.

I've always wanted to. I would always get so pissed at people cheating and call duty when I play back in the day that I've always had like a, I always wanted to try it, but I'd never bring myself to do it. just because of like I was so it was a thing that ultimately made me stop playing multiplayer because it just got ridiculous back in the day and I just I just was I don't fucking care enough

but I've always at the same time wanted to feel what it's like to just cheese and do the most stupidest bullshit like people fucking standing in one place and killing everybody literally it just kills everybody by just standing in one place

so I'm like yeah why are you playing? You could do that in like... How was that fun? How was that fun? You could do that in like the older call of duties that like everybody's cheating in anyway and like the... You're like World That War? Holy shit.

World War on PC was ridiculous. Dude, if you play like Modern Warfare... I played Modern Warfare too kind of recently, like the original one. Oh yeah. It's fucked. I played a couple years ago. Yeah, because it's like it's backwards compatible on on Xbox. So I was like playing.

I was like, oh, I'm curious as to how like how this is... Because I remember liking it a lot and then I go in and I'm... Men are flying. Destiny basically. And it's like, yo, this is like a different realm. And I just, I cannot, I'm still playing, you know, man, I'm playing fucking sorry and they're playing like risk, you know, like I'm, I'm in a different realm of possibilities. You're playing fucking, you're having a crosser puzzle.

They're playing fucking Djanga, bro. That's a difference, two different realms. Yeah, totally different. But I think, I don't know, like, I have, the only way that I could. see myself cheating in any video game is A, if the video game is old enough that, like, nobody cares about it, or B,

there are people with microphones around to react to it. Because I feel like that's... I feel like that's the only... That's like the, you know, like, oh, it's Minecraft and I just poured lava on your fucking house that you spent, like, five days making.

That's the equivalent... It's such a good emotion, though. It's... Just making it. people upset and games? The feeling of like pouring lava on someone's creation in Minecraft

is like it might be the best feeling that exists. I don't think. I don't think that's the best feeling that exists. Maybe to you because he's like hurting people. Maybe to you that's fantastic. I mean I'm not denying that but like yeah I think I don't know there's just something

satisfying. I love griefing but that's why like I listen I grieve for a little bit and then I put the game down. I don't like sit there for like five years and fuck with people. Like it's not my style. I do it once, twice, three times, and then I'm out, you know? Ouch. I don't mind. I'm not above cheating, actually.

Like, I'm not above cheating. Like, I was taught the rule if you're not cheating, you're not trying at a very young age. Like, maybe I was 14 and my basketball coach, my JV coach told me that. And that shit stuck with me. And I was like, you know what? Absolutely. Your JV coach told you that. I hate that shit.

I've definitely like ball tap people on picks. Like, on. I saw I've definitely like stepped on people's feet. No one are going to lunge so they fall down. Like I'm not above it. But when you cheat in a video game, it's like, come on, dude.

Get your mind right. You know, we're playing this for fun and you're cheating in this thing for fun. We're not getting prestige for this. You're not going to go to fucking varsity or UV for this. You're just being a dickhead. You know, you're not going to go to university for beating me in Destiny,

you fucking jackass. What are you doing this? The funny thing is morally, it should be the fucking opposite. it where it's like, hey, cheat in a fucking game, who gives a fuck? It's a game. But people in real life to get a leg up in the world, they cheat all the fucking time, right? That's where it's much more like, it's not, you're not supposed to.

It's just that it's supposed to. It becomes a, oh, oh, he's cheating, so I'll cheat. That's all it becomes. Yeah, yeah. That's exactly what it is. It's like a domino effect. Derek, look, if you care enough about something, you'll do anything you can to win. That you're crazy.

That's like, that's, that's, uh, such a bullshit fucking mentality. That's a scary mentality. That is not a bullshit. It totally is. You try your hardest. You try your hardest, but you give it the extra mile that you're going to fucking win. I'm not saying take drugs and enhance yourself and get fucking biomics. That's exactly what it is.

That's literally what I'm just saying like, hey, you know, like, that's cheating. Yes. If this guy's putting a pick on you, you know, actually, no, I don't really even care if people take fucking enhancement drugs. I always they admit it. But, um, let's just say like, oh, well, all right, well, hold on. Let's, I'm gonna just go ahead and say, like, I would prefer there be no cheating. But, but, but, and this is a big, and this is a big but, I would definitely prefer there be no cheating. But, but, and this is a huge, huge asterisk next to this, if people want to cheat, they should be in their own cheating league.

And I, because I want to see people who are cheating, cheat against each other. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, I want to see people. I want that. I want people who are like. Sanction cheating. Yeah.

Absolutely. Like, I want a baseball league. So, like, cheating league? Yes, I would love that. I want a baseball league where everyone is roided. Just everyone's roided out. Balls are flying at like 200 miles an hour. Everyone looks like the rock.

There can't be any planes in the sky. You know, I want that. I want that. I'm totally fine with that. I agree. But the other game needs to exist on top of all. Performance enhancing. Yeah.

And you know what? You know what? If you get caught cheating, if you get caught cheating in like normal sports, like, if you get caught cheating in like normal football, they send you to cheat football where like people don't wear, where people aren't wearing helmets and like punching is fine. And like all this crazy shit. And you're surrounded by roided out people with like hidden fucking blades like it's Assassin's Creed. Hidden fucking legs. Oh, there goes your femoral artery. His fucking sweat bands.

It's a fucking hidden knife that comes out of his sweat bands. I'm all right. with it. I'm all right with it. You know that league would last for one season because everybody would be fucking dead. Let me tell you Derek, it'd be the best goddamn season and they would die off. Yeah, that's it. That's it. In mid-season, and you have to

replace them. No, it would be the best goddamn season of anything that's ever existed. Oh, I agree with that. I have no problem with cheating. I have no problem with cheating in the sense of like if this guy's if this guy is sticking on you a little bit too much and ball, you know, you put your leg out, you know? Pay attention to

you're walking. To me, that's not cheating. that's just dirty it's like say the term in a boxing dirty boxing right where there's people that are just traditionally boxing and then you dirt you clinch you fucking try to when you break on the clinch you try to uppercut a motherfucker then if they're getting too close you clinch him again you know like there's just dirty boxing where it's like a very kind of shady thing to do but it's very tactical a lot of people a lot of people fucking you know won championships that way by just being dirty as fuck um so i i i'm totally fine with having an edge and doing like fucking Kobe man Kobe was a disgusting fucking player the way that he would play.

Like he would, he would like, if you'd go for a, go for like a rebound and he would fucking like elbow a motherfucker in the back, like just while like he's coming down just to make sure to take you out of the game. Don't start with the accusations of Kobe. Kobe played defense like someone who played defense in the time when he went into the league. He played defense like a 90s player because back in the 90s,

people were getting punched in the mouth when they went up for ducks. I have, I have no problem with fucking the. the 80s, 90s, uh, and early 90s era of, of basketball, the fucking compilations,

if you look at, look up compilations on YouTube where just people are getting fucked up and there's fights every game, it almost becomes like hockey. I love it. It's because people were just fighting each other. Yeah.

No, it's cool. I, I'm not even shitting on Kobe. I'm just saying technically, he was a fucking piece of shit. Like technically. Technically. Hockey is some of the craziest shit

I've ever seen. People just, that, That's just fighting with a sport kind of around it, you know, for show, for, like, show and, like, for progression. But, like, that show is, that sport is literally just about people beating each other with sticks on ice. Hockey is this white barbarian soccer with fighting in it. That's just barbarian white people's soccer. It is.

It's ice soccer with, like, sticks. But it's more, as more rules. As, like, quite a bit more rules than soccer. I mean, but, like, it's just. If you boil everything down, everything is really just sort of, you know, get this thing. it into this thing, you know. I mean, yeah, when you oversimplify the whole fucking world, and yes,

you're very right. Everything is bring this to this. Well, that's what you just did. Yeah, even sex. Food. What up. But soccer, but soccer and hockey are like very similar. Like even the way they're laid out actually. Or like the formations and stuff. Yeah, like the like the fact that they're in the Yeah, like they're both on ice. Basketball is like soccer too

a little bit too. I just, soccer would be so much better if the field wasn't fucking 20 fucking miles long. It would be nice if they just come acted it like a hockey rink. I love soccer. I fucking would like soccer a lot. I played it a lot when I was young, six and seven grade mostly.

But our fields were much smaller. Like the fucking professional soccer fields, I can't, dude. Like, they're too fucking big. So they spend... So you get... So it's 90 minutes, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I used to go to, like, LA Galaxy and shit.

And they spend about 60 minutes of the 90 minutes passing because of how fucking long and wide the field is. It's like, dude, shorten it. No, it doesn't. It does. It's just because it's just a tradition. I'm like, dude, narrow that shit. This, narrow it.

It would be so much better. Soccer would be better if it was on ice. But everything else was the same. What does that mean? How would you play? Well, yeah. It's just soccer, but like everybody, everybody's wearing the same exact shit.

There's nobody has ice gates. everybody's in shorts You can't tell who's on your team Or at all You just like I don't know who's on So it's pretty much just kill the carrier So he's saying kill the carrier on ice It's better than soccer

No it's just soccer It's just soccer but take the grass out And put ice It's the same thing Everything is the same Do you have to wear cleats? Yeah you have to wear cleats You have to wear cleats

You have to wear shorts You have to wear shorts No protective gear The goals Cannot be rooted onto the field they can slide around They can slide alongside the people

They can slide around Yeah you could move the goals if you want Are the goals as wide as the The regular soccer goals Or like the hockey goals? They're wider to compensate For the fact that they can move Okay

Dude you know what happened It'd be the first game right And it'd be a bunch of times When people almost got goals right And someone would run Someone would run with the cleats, and they'd be like, hey, try not to run with the cleats. Someone would fucking go for it. And they would burst their head open like a fucking watermelon on ice.

And now it would be the end of the game. No one ever played it. The ice will be red. You know, I've come so close to scoring three times, man. I just, I'm going to run it. I'm going to run for it. And he's going to slip, and he's going to end up like fucking, like fucking JFK, bro. He's going to fucking be headl.

He's going to be fucking Ikebod crane on the fucking ice court. I mean, cleats are pretty good for ice, right? Basically, they're not. No, they're not. Yeah. They're put on cleats? That's so fucking ridiculous. I actually, I really want to see that, though.

Like, literally, everyone is just going to be trying to balance. That's all that's happening. It's just going to be fucking however long the regulation is. Is it going to be like 90 minutes just like that? And literally everybody's just trying to fucking balance and not fall. That's going to be the entire game. Someone will die. It's just going to be a bunch of people like not bad.

balancing very well and then deciding to come together to form some kind of Voltron character to get their way through the ice. I like it. It's going to be a bunch of passing. It's going to be even more passing than regular soccer, actually. Yeah, it's passing away. I can't do this. Kick it to that guy.

Colliding with the ice. Yo, ice is scary, man. I don't know. Like, I remember, like, I went ice skating kind of recently in, like, in, like, the last, like, year or two. And, like, I forgot. I felt paralyzed by the ice. Like, I felt like, oh my God, like, if I fall, I'm gonna die.

I don't know what it is. Huh? Did you forget how to ice skate? I, I mean, the last time I ice skated before then was like, I must have been like nine or ten. Like, it's been a long fucking time. I, I know how to like... You know what it is? Like, I know how to move...

Like, I understand the basic premise of, like, how to push yourself through the ice. The issue that I have is like, the ice skates never feel right around my ankles. So it always feels like I'm like really close to just snapping my foot off. Even though I know that that's not going to happen I think it's like apprehensive It's like an apprehensive kind of fear That's why Yeah yeah I've hurt my ankle before

My legs have been through so much So much pain I've dislocated my knee like 40 times It feels like you know So like I That was another thing where I was like Oh my God My knees are in so much stress right now

On the ice But I don't know I'm just not I also just don't have good balance I don't think So ice skating was just like Ice skating is fucking... I think I had better balance when I was smaller when I was like a child

than I could ice skate and I was like, I'm just close to the ground anyway. You know? Oh, yeah, the child is easy to fall. For me, it takes like three minutes for me to fucking finally hit the ground with a giant thud. For a kid, they're just there already.

They fall to the floor which they're on already. Yeah, and I'm just never prepared for ice skating either. I'm never wearing the right fucking gloves. So I always... I'm never even wearing gloves now. I think about it. I just have my hands. So, like, my hands are getting cut up

on the fucking ice. Sucks. But it's fucking fun of ice skating. I haven't done in like two years, but it's really, really fun. Remember when that? Yeah. Well, I did only one time in 2004, and it was a piece of cake. It was literally like, it was almost no different than rollerblading.

It was. Rollerblading is super fun. That shit is dope. It's been a minute. It's been a long time since I've, the last time I went rollerblading was like Central Park in 1999. I remember that Yeah So it's been you know

21 years I thought about fucking I thought about actually buying some I put up a poll on Twitter But people Preferred me to get a razor scooter Over rollerblades But I was like I want to get some like

I want to get some 90s shit dude I want to fucking I want to start like Doing 360s and shit And fucking in South Central I'm going to show all these fucking I'm sure show all these fucking thugs was good.

I want to get Healy's, but they just don't make them and... They, it's, you have, they're not, I don't know why they're not just in an abundance on Amazon for like adults or some shit. Dude, I'd be all over him. You're Healy's so fucking fun, man.

Well, it's been a long time since I search. Maybe they finally have them on Amazon now. Healys are funny until you hurt yourself, dude. One of my friends, man. One of our friends in like fucking middle school tried a trick on Heelies. and he hurt himself real bad to the point one of us had to run home and tell his parents.

Well, you're not supposed to be doing tricks. It's funny to them. But the commercial show you them doing tricks. Of course. How else are you going to sell them? Well, then why would they show you? Like, as a kid, you're going to be like, someone, this can happen.

This is possible. I know it's possible. I'm going to try to achieve it. And you try and then you've got to go to a hospital. You don't see him for the rest of the summer. I'll never forget one summer. I think it was like 2004, 2005, something like that. Is that an adult healy? Is that what I'm looking at right now?

They're on fucking, uh, they are on fucking, uh, Amazon now. Of course it's not fucking adjusting to the, okay, that's even worse. All right, whatever. But yeah, they're on Amazon now. 60 bucks, brough. 60 bucks. 30 bucks? Adults?

I wonder if they have clown size for me. They have, I think it goes up to, I just saw it. Uh, let's see. What the hell happened to it? Okay. Uh, the size goes up to. that's pretty cool I like how Amazon's

interface is pretty awesome oh 13 I don't know if you can fuck with that I can't get this bottom just bottom just bottom just bottom just bottom you got the the one what the one

what is it the one click thing you just all you do is push one button yep just got it I hate you guys that's some wallie shit there's so much shit I just can't

fucking put on my feet I hate it there's so many Jordans that I've tried to buy that I can't fit in like I'm sorry we don't have really

wait do you have oh size 15 dude Well, they don't have Really? They don't have fucking I thought like 15s are never at stores man Really?

15 15s I mean you think fucking Jordans You would think They're just out of my range Basketball niggas like Have big ass feet You think that they would have 15s You know

What happens is the 15 is just out of the range Of like regular size feet So it's like for every big motherfucker They have size 15 feet Just like every regular size person That's size like 10 and every smart person has size like eight. So it's just like,

one of those are just going missing. Do you want to grab you a pair of healy's my guy? Nah, dude, no thank you, man. They don't have my side. That's cool, though. I appreciate it. Now, come on, let's healy around Los Angeles. The apartment?

The fucking apartment. I'm really considering, fucking getting one. I hate you guys. I'm really considering Biles like, yo. These look dope too because they kind of look like vans. Yeah, no, exactly. They're subtle. It doesn't have like the famous.

Helies mascot on him. Or whatever the hell. Do you remember the Healy's mascot, Kingston? The Helies mascot? Yeah. What was that? It was Dr. Drew with wheels all over him. Oh, my fucking God.

You and your doctor, dude. By the way, by the way, I forgot to mention this at the top of the show. I can't believe I didn't mention it, but shocking news about Dr. Drew. Oh, yeah? Yeah. What happened? Well, he passed away this morning. Okay.

Let me check again. To make sure. I mean, I'm pretty sure I just saw that he was in Baja with his wife. The funeral, yeah. He had a funeral of Baja? That's where he was born. Bari me in Baja.

That would be a nice place to be fucking buried. It would be a nice place to be buried. Oh, my God. Anyway, what the fuck are we talking about? I don't know. Some and then Hili's. I don't even know how the fuck we got there. We were from the election to consoles to...

Oh, we're talking about ice skating and shit. Oh, ice skating, right. Right, right. I don't know how we got onto that either. But... He was not dead yet. Again, he's not dead yet. Oh, yeah. All right. Stop saying that shit. Well, I'm sorry. Like, my sources are usually pretty spot on. So I'm going to have to...

Oh, yeah, sure. Of course. So my source are you and you are lying about it. Who are your fucking sources? Who do you talk to? You fucking... I can't just give up my source. I can't just give up my sources, Derek. Like, that'd be really irresponsible and a breach of journalistic ethics. Who is it, uh, Ian Miles Chung?

uh no no he's great he's great he does great work bro no he does honestly like him and andy know like are some of some of the voices of our generation oh my god isn't that the texin japanese guy is he Texan no he's like Malaysian yeah he's something well the the

the Chong guy yeah yeah and then Andy no I think he's Korean and he lives in Seattle? No, he's like Oregon, I think. I thought he was Seattle. Oh, no, you're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. Because Portland, you're right. He does stuff in Portland. Yeah, yeah. Isn't he, aren't the fucking, the white's, what you call it? What? Those, those people. I forgot what you're talking. What are you guys talking about? Who are those people?

No, what are you talking about? What did you say? How do you not know these people? I, because I don't care about that stuff. We're specifically starting a political podcast, remember? Well, we're going to be punt, political pundits, remember? We talked about that. I'm not, I'm not doing that. I'm not, don't put me in this. It's not involved me.

What do you mean? We're gonna, we specifically talked about that. We all, we all agreed. We brought it up, man. Don't you remember bringing this idea up, Kingston? We all agreed we would play among us with AOC and, uh,

Gaddafi. God. Gaddafi? Oh my God. Could you imagine AOS? Could you imagine, could you imagine, could you imagine Barack Obama, Kamala Harris, AOC,

Latimer Putin, fucking that guy that they blew up in fucking Iran There's a bunch of fucking world leaders playing fucking among us That would be the most

Distri-Yo Honestly for real That would be the most Distressing game Of Among Us in the world Because you just see All these world leaders Lying

Through their teeth To each other And like Stress-inducing You're like That is not That is not something That the world is ready to

I am not the imposter I am not the mom be like, well, look at me. I didn't kill anybody because I don't have any drones, you see? Like, it couldn't have been me. I saw Crooked Hillary in electrical, in electrical, and she was standing over Gaddafi. Kadafi's dead. Explain this.

This is so fucking hilarious. Jesus fucking, brother. He's like, listen here. Listen here, all right. I didn't kill anybody. I don't have time. Mediare. The Kadafi's dead.

He's just, is fucking, he probably doesn't have a coffin. it's probably his corpses riding on the back of a fucking truck. And then they just back it up to a computer. They just back it up to a computer. All right, Gaddafi. On the back of a truck. They messed him up. They fucked him up so good.

They messed him up. But, uh, fuck, all right. Let's move on to some questions since we're about an hour and five minutes in. Now's about the time where we go into, uh, that's about the time where we go into questions anyway. Remember, you can leave a question if you support us over at patreon.com slash the snark tank, my guy. $5 is all it takes to get a question potentially right on the show. And because...

Five dollars foot long? Because we're doing... There are some... And so just to flesh us out a little bit more. There are some solo episodes that I'm planning on doing with like either just me by myself or Derek by himself or like Sweenie by himself. to answer some questions that are like a little bit more hyper-specific to each of our interests. Because I know like there's, there have been many conversations on this podcast about mixing music and Sweeney just sits there like a like a dead deer, you know. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, no, I know. And so like that's what those solo episodes are going to be for, like specifically questions that are tailored to our specific shit. So if you asked us a question that was, you know, too specific for the show, chances are they're going to be in the Patreon exclusive solo show.

going forward. So don't worry if your shit hasn't been read yet. Or ask questions about solo shit to give me episodes as well, guys. Yo, you see that fucking, the animated? Dude, that shit had me in tears, dude. Yeah, the porktipus?

Dude, that was so fucking good. Those animated are so goddamn cool and flattering. They're hilarious. Thank you for those, dude. Yeah, porcopus has been fucking hammering those things out, and they're all so good.

Real. He gave me probably, like, my favorite like cartoonified version of my own face that I've ever seen and I just appreciate that shit so let's get me a ball for most of the fucking animated

I was the fucking circle he gave you your Gerald hair too I was pretty happy Yeah yeah yeah yeah fucking a circle You're like season one Will Smith All right Sam Tweeney's

Clesty Sam Zoss wrote in He asks, hey there, funky Hispanic and his chocolate dynamic. Would you rather always, that's not a bad name, honestly. Would you rather always be hard and never come or always be flaccid and constantly be coming? Thanks for the one. Harder never come. Yeah, obviously.

That's like obviously the answer, right? If you're flaccid and always coming, you know how much your life is going to be salty? You can't do anything. You can't wear pants Can't fucking go out You can be a niche porn star You would feel You would feel

You would feel I think at that point You would probably feel like Like hungover all the time You'd have to be drinking so much water So much water You probably wouldn't even Water probably wouldn't even cut it

You would need like special Extra Strength Pedialite or something just to keep you from draining. Yeah, no, that's an obvious one, dude. Like, no way in hell am I going to want to be like fucking soft and spraying, you know? You'd have to put a, they'd have to put a tube up inside your pee-p to funnel it all out so you don't. They'd be able to fucking fill up a bin of you just coming all fucking day. They'd have to change out the bin like a piss bag.

Your life would be ruined. Yeah, your life would be ruined. Always, okay, so always being hard would be a bitch also, but it's far more. It would be extremely annoying. It would be extremely annoying, but it wouldn't be like life ruining, I feel like. Yeah. The only annoying part is I like to sleep on my stomach at some points of the night. So that would be very difficult.

And other than that, I really, I mean, I used to, I used to sleep a lot in high school and shit. And I would get like fucking the morning wood or whatever after I'd wake up. And I just would just rock my boners. I didn't care. because, I mean, whatever, dude, like, what do you do? What you would do is what you, what would happen would you, you'd be, you'd be really good at sending dickpigs, you always be at full staff, you know? You always be at like, like, you always be like alert, a full alert.

So you'd be like, here, you're just pitching, they'd be like, whoa, man, it's like, yeah, and it never goes down. The golden hour is every hour. You'll have the best night of your life, but I won't. God, damn. That would be, that's a great benefit, actually, because. You would, you would bang bitches out. You'd win.

You'd be a fucking game breaker. Yeah, you wouldn't, you couldn't lose. in that scenario. You know, you see it's better. It's better overall. It's better overall. It still sucks. I would rather neither of these, but that is clearly the superior one.

So thank you, thank you for that enlightening question. Amazing. That's a pretty good one, bro. That is a good one. It also costs this person $5. I'm sure it was well worth it. I'm sure it was well worth it. He's like, yes.

Thank you guys. I appreciate it. You told me all, I know everything I need to know now. Let's see, let's see. What's next? Oh, Latino, who actually speaks Spanish, wrote in. He says, quick question for Derek. Do you remember a stick death animation that was the stick men fighting a squirrel that had huge nuts?

Am I crazy or am I the only one who remembers this? No, I definitely remember that. I absolutely remember that. 100%. What is that about? I don't know what you do. I don't look this up now. The stick death was just a stupid, fun.

fucking website of just animated stick figures. You know, it was just like some flash bullshit. And they would just die in a bunch of different ways. There was this weird, like, demon one that would always play, like, Rob Zombie, and it would just come and terrorize people and rip their faces off and shit.

I was... Are they about Superbeast? Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Holy shit, I know about this. I saw these. I saw Stick Death, like, a long time ago, but I don't remember any squirrels. Like, I included this because I was like, there's no way this is real, but apparently. I guess he remembers

fucking wild Yeah there's There's Let me see if I can pull that up Stick that is so old We were just talking about that right Were we talking about that in Yeah we were talking about it at a shoe stream

We're on her brainlit channel That's right Yeah Yeah Yeah I was wondering where the hell Why the hell This is a throwback I remember this when I was a fucking virgin bro

It's like 10 years ago dude It's so crazy Bro I was back when I had I don't remember if it was Yahoo or whatever. My first email I ever made, I was probably like 10 or 11 years old, was Pimp Master 3,000. And I can't remember the address correctly.

Because I was like, fuck, I want to log into it and see what's on there. Probably a bunch of like aim notifications and shit that like I just, I just want to jog my memory because those were like the fucking ASL days and shit. ASL, bro. And I'd be like, I'm fucking 16. I'm six feet tall. Some bullshit. I live in fucking, I don't remember.

My dick is 15 inches flaccid. What you want, bitch? Got fucking nine inches soft. What's good? You want some of that or what? God damn. That's a curse. It is a curse, man.

I don't know. I personally don't know any women. Every woman I've met that has come encounter with like a massive hog has hated it. Like, talking about like, you know, I guess hate it's the, that's the wrong word. They're saying like, it's a bitch to get used to, I guess. Because, I mean, I imagine you fucking have ravaged some women, Sweeney, and they probably didn't appreciate it. I'm not one, I'm not a freak. I'm not a fucking, right? This guy's got fucking, if you have a nine inch flaccid penis, if you have a nine inch

flaccid penis, my girlfriend would have died by now. She would have fucking passed away because that's not... Imagine how big it would be, like... Because how many... Dude, I haven't... Here's the... I haven't measured, like, when I was like a kid, you know, like high school... Not high school. Middle school.

Like, ho, ho, like, oh, how big is my dick. Like, that was like the last time and I'm like, I don't care enough to do it, but at the same time, I'm interested to know like an average and then say fully at like just full mass how much does it grow

and then so we can extrapolate like say an average of nine inches soft I guess I can just look it up on the internet right say oh how the average blah blah blah because this how big would a fucking would want get if it was nine inches soft and then be fully erected like how many inches would it grow?

That's good like that's that's so fucking assenide. It'd be fucking death. It could be like you'd be like you see the skull over the icon of your penis. Well, it could potentially not grow at all also. You know, like, it could just, you know, because that's a thing. Would it just like, what does it do? That's a thing.

That's a thing for some people, apparently. Like, it just, like, it's just the same length, but it just, it just gets powered on. Well, they have, like, blood in their dick, like, all the time? No, I don't know. This is just shit I've heard. I only know my equipment. So, like, I don't know what the fuck this shit is, but I've heard this before. Oh, my God.

It doesn't grow. It just fucking tones up. Like, fucking, like the rock. Like, see it. Oh, my fucking God. What are we looking for? Alex wrote in. Hello, Yogi, bare-hand, swine, some boxing bussy guy, and Paul's gangly flesh slave.

If any of you guys could have an army entirely made up of one specific thing, what would it be? Brown bears, zombies, robots, emus, whatever. Not looking for the most powerful. powerful ones, just one you would find useful or fun. I... Bastian head trolls, man. Bastian head drools. Well, shit, man.

I was gonna say fucking shot... I was gonna say shot Uncle Ben. I mean, it just goes back. It's like full circle. I want wasps, man. I want wasp. You couldn't stop a person commanding an army of wasps. It'd be fucking unreal. Oh, sexually aggressive horses, bro. That'd be perfect. What'd you say? Sexually aggressive horses.

Oh, my, why? That's, well, I'm tearing down armies, bro. Who's that guy that's a cold? Who's that guy that's fucking killing him? I get him, get them all. Who's that guy that, like, got fucking fucked by a horse to death? Mr. Hans. Mr. Smiles, bro.

He died. He died. So literally, you just want a Mr. Hands everybody. Like, with all he's fucking, no, bro. You can't stop me. I don't want to come face to face with just a relaxed horse. You know, like, I just don't trust them as animals. They got long heads.

They're just too big. They're intimidating. I can't with the long head. Horses are so sweet, dude. Yeah, whatever. They also have... They're chill, but they're just so big. They could kill the shit out of you if they wanted to.

They're so big. There's flies, like, tap dancing around in their fucking eyes, and they don't mind. If, yo, if there are flies dancing around in my eyes, I feel like I would notice, and I would care about it, you know? Yeah, you would... Think that, but Obama... His evolution, though. Hence, fucking Hillary. These dicks

They have flies on the All the time And they're just chilling I once saw Hillary Clinton Walk into a holiday inn And a fly burst out of one of her pores I shit you not That would fucking kill me

Hillary has flies Her actually it's not even She doesn't even have hair That's just a wig Hillary is flies She's just made up a bunch of flies If you want to know the secrets By my water filters

You know, for real, though, like, an army of shot Uncle Benz, I don't think would yield you much. That's results. I think it would freak people lying on the floor dying. Why is, why, this man, this, this man, shimbing. Just shimbing on the floor. This man, this man amassed an army of a dying fictional man. Like, that is such a wild, fucking metaphysical statement. Just that means

Imagine hearing like Fucking Imagine hearing like Thousands of fucking Sean Uncle Ben saying Peter in unison Just like Peter

Peter Like just loud like a Ground shakes Dude the ground shakes The ground shakes As the fucking waves Peter And you're like what the fuck

What's happening me You can hear it from the fucking They shot me Peter They shot me Damn dirty niggas Like it shot me good Could you imagine

Like you're in like fucking You're in like somewhere Where is it Where are they not gonna immediately You're in Florida right And you're like Man Apparently there's this guy

With a bunch of really angry horses Come in this way And all of a sudden A fucking horse A wrecked as fuck Breaks in your door And immediately tries to mount you And you can't outfight a horse

No one I know can So You're just trying to get it off you, and the horse's fucking horse is hitting you in the head of you. You're like, God damn, I'm going to die, you know? And then bang, it mounts you, that's it. And that's one body. And he's not done.

The horse is not done yet. He's got more to go. So he goes to the next house. And it's only one horse. There's thousands, tens of thousands of horses. You don't know anybody who can fight off a horse? No one. I mean, there's a few rednecks that'll shotgun blast them in the face.

No, no, fight off. They can kill horse, but no one's going to know is going to fight off a horse. I mean, I saw a horse kick a guy in a fucking stomach one time when I was on a farm. And we were at the farm for three hours. And when we left, the guy was in a safe position on the floor. Oh, my God. You sure he wasn't fucking dead? You sure he wasn't dead?

Yo, I remember we walked in, the horse kicked him. And they were like, kids look over here. And I was like, maybe in third grade. And I was like, oh, wow. And then we left, and he was still like that. And I was like, teacher, why is that man still lying there? And they were like, don't worry about it kicks. Yeah, he was fucking dead, dude.

He got kicked by. Like, that is such a, like, I can't even imagine me kicked by a horse, man. That's so much power. I can barely imagine being kicked by, like, a sturdy person. You know what I mean? Like, a horse is like, that's like, you're, that's so many pounds of pressure. You're fucked. They can do shit to you with their legs that, like, magicians, like, real magicians probably couldn't do, you know?

like sorcerers probably could do. They could smash your fucking organs like pinatas without breaking your skin. Like I don't even understand the power that lies behind that fucking leg. If a horse jumped up in the air and then it came back down on one of its feet onto your head, one of its hooves, it pop your head. Pop your show like a fucking zit. What do my favorite fucking gifts on the internet is that that? that deer. There's like a, there's like,

I've never watched Adventure Time, so I don't know what, I have no idea what the fucking show is. But there's, I saw the first few seasons, really good. There's a, there's this clip of like a deer

jumping on fucking Finn's legs. And it just cracks his leg in like a 90 degree angle. And it's, it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. But it's always how I imagine any encounter with a deer or like a horse going. It's just like,

I'm gonna, I'm gonna step on you until you snap. Because deer do that a lot They do that to fucking dogs They just like fucking You know They just fucking Aggressively assault dogs

Man Huh They slash you up man They take While they're doing that You think it's their hoops But they actually have a knife in their hands And they're fucking spinning a knife

Real fucking fast And they're cutting you And you don't Yeah you just can't see if you see hooves You like what the fucking Go home You're like arm lacerated What the fuck is this

You ever see a fresh horse Like a brand new Like a brand new like Just Bullsie? born a fresh assholes. Is that the term you use when something's born, just born? Fresh? Isn't it a fawn?

I don't know. What? A fawn? No, a fawn's like a No, that's like a deer thing. Yeah, it's like a deer like an elk or something. What's a baby horse call? Let me Google it. A baby horse is called a fucking horse. It's, yeah, uh, horsey. It's called a horsey. It's called a horsey. But like fresh, that, that term, that was the thing that threw me off. Like, it's something when it's just born is. Oh, it's a fool?

I was close Oh a full Yeah you're right you're right I've heard that before So have you ever seen one of those No They they're So they're fucking hooves man

Are tentacles Oh yeah I have seen that okay Yeah You've probably seen it because I tweeted it once Is that always true Is it sometimes? Yeah

Is it sometimes or is it always What are you saying What are you asking Do they always have tendrils or is it like I think they always They develop afterwards So they don't So they don't fuck up their

the mom's uterus with the fucking hooves. Yeah. Oh my God, it's always. That's disgusting. It's amazing how they evolved that feels safe. Until this moment. Yeah,

no, they're basically octopuses. I mean, what's the difference? What's, honestly, what's the difference between a horse and an octopus

if they both have tendrils, you know? Octopuses fucking learn fast. They basically, they're like, on purpose. 99.9.9% same DNA. Now, octopus,

that's, that's an army. That's an army. Like, if I could have an army of octopi, that's, that's a whole other fucking realm. They move really slow, though, on land. Yes. They're really smart, so they'd probably just leave. They'd be like, what do you?

What? I don't want to be here. And they just fucking leave. They'll probably do what we do on fucking abandoned army. Want to be like, yo, guys, I don't want to do this. I'm leaving tonight. And he's like, dude, don't leave. You're going to go AWOL.

He's like, I don't give a fuck. I'm out of here. I'm going to become a fucking singer. He fucking leave. I'll become a singer. Do octopi, is it squids or octopies or octopies that have beaks? Or both. Squids have the beaks.

I think both. Well, I guess they both do have their beaking off, right? I'm curious. Squids just have, like, fucking hooks and shit. Hicks are just disgusting. They're like dickheads. Yeah. Squids have, like, like, hooks with their suction and shit.

They're more. So disgusting. Fuck squids, man. Oh, yeah, they do have fucking beaks. People are fucking, dude, people that, you see some people that eat live squid. And people have actually died. Because they're so fucking stupid that their suction get stuck in the throats and they suffocate. It's just like, you deserve that so much.

Like, you absolutely deserve that to be that stupid. Like, they're like fucking, oh, it's the rawest thing. And they just literally start chomping on animals and they're alive. Those people are insane. Like, full stop. It really is fucking evil. Like, I don't fucking like seafood. Like, I would gas every octopus on the planet.

Like, I have no problem. That's such a weird animal to hate. They're fucking terrifying. They look like nightmares. He doesn't like aliens. He doesn't like aliens and they're essentially alien. I guess. They're fucking, octopier fucking aliens, dude.

And the fact that people eat them all they're alive is still fucking harsh to me. Like, I even think that's harsh and I'm racist to them. It's like, dang, that's a little much. How do you feel about Squidward? I'm happy, you know, he's always going to misfortune. It makes me happy seeing him go to bad shit. He deserves it. He's a piece of shit.

I don't like that at all. And fuck you. Squidward just wants to fucking chill, dude. And then fucking SpongeBob and Patrick just fuck with him all the time. It's unfair. I wish we could sell that shirt. I wish we could sell that shirt. Fuck Squidward and fuck you.

I mean, we could. Could you sell? Yeah. Can you sell something with a SpongeBob name on it? But it can't have anything to do with Squidward on it. Yeah. Or you can just, you can draw something that's like not Squidward.

You know what I mean? It's like implied, but it's not him. Fuck Squidward and fuck you. It's such a good. It's such a big, triangle Bob. You make Triangle Bob.

You make Patrick Circle. You make Squidward. Triangle Bob. He's a fucking actual squid. Patrick what? Instead of a star, what is he? Patrick Circle. He's just.

Oh, Patrick Circle that you said that. Right. Yeah. Well, it's just, it is still Patrick's Star, but it's just like it's a more, uh, universe, like photo realistic, uh, star where it's just like a blur. Yeah, it's a big, it's a big ball. Corona and all that shit in a fucking dark spot. That'd be good.

It would be good. We should do that, man. We got more ideas, man. More merch coming fucking soon. I swear to God. Yeah, well, let's let's hold off on that. Well, yeah, we haven't, more merch. We haven't gotten fucking shit, man.

Yeah, we got to get some, uh, we got to get some, uh, we got to get some, some fucking merch up in here. Bastard Son wrote in. It said, heyo, take my $25. How do you unholy a trio feel about the potential existence of the supernatural or related things like Ghost, Bigfoot aliens?

I like that he mentioned Bigfoot. Just things that may exist. Bigfoot may exist, my guy. But no one can really prove. How would you react in the face of one of these probably made-up creatures? Listen. I don't got time.

What do you mean you don't have time? I don't got time for that. If someone showed you a ghost, like a real, like, if someone was like, listen, you're not going to believe this, but I haven't. And they pull out a fucking, they pull out like a fucking, I don't even know, like a butt-ugly Martians. They put out a butt-ugly Martian's lunchbox and out comes a fucking ghost, like a real-ass, godforsaken ghost. And you see it and you, it's obvious. What is your response to that? I mean, I got to go, man.

I don't got time for this. I get up and I leave. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, that's a real response. No, I would, well, my mind would be changed. I was like, yo, dude, I can't do this. I can't do this right now. I can't, I can't accept that there's a ghost in front of me.

I would have to believe it. I would have to believe that, I didn't. I would have to believe that, that, that's real then. Because if I didn't, then that would mean I'm insane. You know, like, that would mean that I'm, I've lost all connections with reality because I'm seeing a fucking ghost that is 100% real to me. But, like, a ghost is, like, the only thing of the other things that he mentioned. that are really, that would be, like, what the fuck is this?

Because Bigfoot is just like a man ape, okay. Yeah, that shit exists existed before. Yeah, Bigfoot existing isn't really that. Now, aliens. Aliens, to me, it's like, how do you even prove that it's an alien unless it, like, oh, here's my air, here's my flying saucer or whatever I came from fucking, you know, I'm intergalactic and shit. Because it could just be an animal that was.

we just didn't discover and we think it's an alien or something. So I wouldn't even be, because we've all seen some shit in nature on documentaries or whatever. Like, what the fuck is that thing? Or it might as well be an alien. Yeah. So anything that comes up to water, I'm like, what the fuck? Every time I see something from the deep part of the ocean, I'm like, how the fuck has that been here? They are all disgusting.

In fairness. I don't know. There's so much. Fuck with me. Because, like, I don't know. I kind of like, I kind of believe in shit like that. I've also had so many weird occurrences with like, fuck shit that doesn't make sense, that that would like help part of my brain come to rest. But then the total of my brain would be like there's so much more shit that exists that I can't even begin to tackle.

I can barely do my taxes. I can barely fucking pass my classes. Now this shit is here. Like, what the fuck am I going to do now? There's fucking ghosts. I mean, yeah, we've had our fair share of weird experience. Do you remember when we all came home that one day? and your room was covered in blood

and it said it helped me was written all over the walls in blood and no one was home all day that was pretty wild right yeah that's just not my problem dude I mean you had to clean it up ah whatever ah whatever

like ah whatever man that's fine I would just go to bed in the room I wouldn't even trip I wouldn't even like act like anything's weird as going on I'm like all right guys I'm going to sleep and I'll just go to sleep in the room I'm going to sleep with all the blood that is there

like all right fucking Jojo wrote in, spelled exactly like bizarre adventures. He says, hello, Tom Sweeney and his two groupies, I guess. I'll be getting into content creation in the very near future, and something I've noticed is that a handful of creators, such as Chris Sweenen and a few others,

don't mind sharing their full government name with their audience. That's a weird way of describing it, like a full government name. There's a government. I understand it. It's just like I've never heard it describe that way. Their full government name with their audience, while most creators guard that information very closely. What's your guys' take on people knowing your names and what advice do you give?

I don't know if I have any advice, but like, I know I have tapes. I definitely have advice. The advice is if you have something to lose and you're going to do controversial stuff, then maybe you want to be anonymous. Other than that, it doesn't fucking matter because, and this is me being 100% honest, nobody gives a fuck about you. You're not, like, if you're, if you're just making nice stuff or whatever, you know, nobody's going to fucking search and swat you and all this shit unless you're just a

complete cunt and you're surrounded by a bunch of people like that. So, like, I have a stage name, right? But I don't care that, you know, I've showed like my real name on Facebook post and whatever and posted on Twitter or something like that. Yeah. People were like, oh, I thought your last name was Blackman. And I'm like, no, that's just a, you know, if you search that, that's where all my, you know, art is, I guess. But it doesn't matter, like, unless you did some shady shit.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, exactly. I kind of agree. I think, I have nothing to worry about. I never, well, I had YouTube for so long, and my channel has, has, I don't know, like, I've, I never made my identity of secret. So even when I was, like, cognizant, like, when I started to be cognizant of, like, oh, it might be a good idea to be anonymous. It was already too late. So I just didn't really care if my name was out there.

But in my experience, based on how YouTube has evolved and based on all the content creators that I know and who are on both sides of the aisle with this, I have noticed that the more secretive people are with their personal information. And I mean personal information that's like, you know, kind of generic, like their name or like just the city or state that they live in. the more secretive people are with that information, the more people care about it. And the more people are curious about it

and the more people will try to seek that information out. Whereas if I'm just like, hey, yeah, my name's Chris Ray Maldonado. I live in Los Angeles. You know, nobody gives a shit. They don't care. I can post a picture like, you know, in town and no one's going to like, you know, do some

forensics on the sky and like try and find me like he will not divide us flag because they know that I'm just being real with people and I'm like yeah you know I live in Los Angeles and that's fine but the people who like are really secretive the people who are like I am I don't know ex Machina 23 or whatever the fuck and you know I don't take pictures outside because I don't want anybody recognizing the you know the fucking skyline or whatever the fuck they're the people who I see a lot of like threads about on like like, like,

like, Lul Cow or like some other mysterious. Yeah, like some other like random forums of like, hey, I recognize this and like, it's crazy shit.

But that's just my, in my experience, it's like, the more prohibited something is, the more people want to know it. So I just kind of, I've just been pretty upfront. It's like, yeah,

you know, this is my name. This is where I live vaguely, you know, and whatever. That's for you. It makes sense. Yeah. I still wouldn't like post a picture

in front of my building, you know, but like... I mean, I mean, there's, there's limits. You don't,

you don't... Yeah, there's obvious things that it's just like for basic security that you wouldn't say, but for the most part, like,

I don't know. I don't think either one is necessarily better than the other. I think everybody has a reason for doing what they do and hiding the information that they hide

or disclosing the information that they disclose. But... It's their choice. But, yeah, In my experience, that is definitely a dynamic to pay attention to. Yeah. I'd just say, if you don't have to, don't fucking do it.

That's all I say. Like, if you don't have to, what the fuck's the point? That's just kind of how I feel about it. Or it's just an extra step for what reason. But, you know, if you have to, like, say, I know some creators that are secular in an Islamic State, and they have to be anonymous because they'll get fucking killed if they're found out, like, as being an apostle, apostate. Wait, apostate?

Yeah, apostate, yeah. Yeah, I was like, well, Paul, what the fuck? What am I thinking? Anyway, yeah, so things like that make sense, but if you don't have a reason, you're just, you're going out of your way just for fucking no reason. Agreed. Let people know you. And post your address and give me your social security card.

Let me see. Give me a credit card for you, please. And give me all your information, three digits on the back. I appreciate it. Exactly. I'm trying to buy shit with your money. Yeah, I'm trying to get I will get the consoles

I'll get the new consoles If one of y'all fucking Give me your credit card information Facts Quickly Quickly What are they gonna stock back with the consoles Man I just want my PS5

Oh fuck I'm so annoyed You just gotta deal with it You just gotta deal with it The idea that Look it this is They should Isn't that Isn't this shit criminal to you guys

It's obviously not literally criminal But the fact that That they're doing this bullshit And not They're not gonna there's not going to be a surplus. Why are they not fucking stocked up the ass? Like there's not going to be,

there's not going to be a surplus of like, oh, fuck, we didn't sell all of them. What are we going to do? We got to mark them down. Like, that's not going to happen. Well, I bet, I'm sure COVID fucked with the supply constraints. I'm sure that had a lot to do with it. Because there's no reason why they wouldn't want to sell as many as possible.

You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. That is their main goal. But, you know, also shipping. This is mostly like Amazon and like retail. Taylor's fault for like fucking either selling more than they had in stock or you know not ordering enough to fulfill the the orders that they sold. So I don't necessarily put the blame on like Microsoft or Sony for like not making enough.

They clearly, because they have every incentive to make as many as possible. Yeah. Because they don't want to sell softer than the last generation. They want to have as many people paying for their services as possible. So their incentives are very clear. but it's obvious that this year was just fucked. Was there any shortages for PS4? No.

There were no... Not that I remember. I'm, I mean, I'm sure there were, but it wasn't like this where like, oh, you don't know when you're going to get yours. It's usually like, oh, you didn't get it... If you didn't get it that week, you'd have to just wait for the restock, you know? And the restock wouldn't be that much further off. It would be like maybe within the week or like maybe next week or something.

It would be pretty fucking quick. The last time this happened with a console, It was the Nintendo Wii because those things were flying off the shells but even those were created you know they there was artificial constraints with that to make the Wii

on Nintendo's part to make the Wii seem more in demand than it was which made it more in demand that makes sense I mean that thing was 200 fucking bucks like I mean that thing was flying off the fucking shelves like people I had two of them and I played a total of like three

three to four hours of we you know like barely anything I bought one like late like I bought one like before I moved to California dude you couldn't find them for a while man like it's very similar to the situation maybe even worse back then

but I just hope I just hope I get it eventually I don't want to have to wait to fucking the next year to have a PS5 that would make me really upset don't fucking worry just keep your order I want to just don't be like oh just don't be like oh I didn't get it fast enough

so I'm going to cancel my order because then I'm not doing that I'm doing that that when like whenever I get it I get it if I can get a chance to get one sooner than getting him from GameStop I'm gonna do that but you could have took it until that I'm holding off a GameStop yeah a lot of times there it's actually easier to like just get them from like fucking retail stores like Target and shit um a lot of people retail stores are selling out dude no they they do but then then they don't it's it's a weird there's a there's a

wave that happens where everyone's like fuck I there nothing's gonna be there and then and then they show up and because they're fully stopped and now people aren't fucking like coming out in droves. It's like a weird, it's like a weird thing where that's how I got like say my, what do you call it? I mean, I know it wasn't insane, but at the same time, what was it, the switch like that where that was the kind of people were selling out everywhere and this and that. It was true. And they fucking, I'm like, oh, they got a couple over here. What the fuck?

There you go. Same for me with my switch. The switch was, the switch for as in demand as that machine was, was pretty abundant when it came out. Like, I got mine day of, day of release, no problem. They did a pretty decent job then, I guess, yeah. Yeah, PS4 Pro was the same. Like, so it's just, this year it's just been, like, so fucked. Yeah.

Really sucks. Really sucks for the people who really wanted one, because then, and who didn't manage to get a pre-order. And, you know, because if you got a pre-order and it's late, then you still have at least one that's got your name on it. But, like, the people who got screwed over, like, and there are people like fucking, There are a bunch of like team stars out there buying like 200 of them and scalping him probably.

Keem bought 200. No, I'm just joking. But like he did do it. He did record a Twitter video of him like standing in a room full of PS5. So it wouldn't surprise me if he was just like stockpiling a bunch of them to scalp. I hate that guy. That's that is the kind of person that he is. It's pretty stupid.

All right. What do we got here? What do we got here? Pepperoni wrote in. He says, What's popping you three beautiful amalgamations of meat and fluids? Halloween season is finally is officially over and thus Christmas is now going to be forcefully shoved down our throats for the next two months. I am wondering what you guys generally think of the Christmas season, love it or hated, that might be too broad.

So an easier question would be something along the lines of what's the best gift you ever received. No, I think it's, it wasn't too broad. I think it's totally fine. I hate Christmas personally. I fucking hate it. You hate Christmas? I hate it, but I love. I hate it, but I love, I hate Christmas because of how much of money I spend ever.

every year in Christmas. Like, no matter how much money I have, like, I have more money than I usually have this Christmas, and it's still going to be fucking gone. I know it. I know it's just going to disappear still. But, like, I hate how much money it is, and I hate how, like, I love, she's going to listen to this. She's going to be so mad.

I love my girlfriend, but I hate how she has such a huge, immediate family, and I get them presents. All I get all of them presents, and that shit hurts. You should get them one present that they can share, like a calendar. like a cat Get them an expense, bro I hate it, dude I'm the worst

I never mind Christmas I think Christmas is totally fine Like I don't love it necessarily I used to like it when I was a kid Obviously every kid likes Christmas For every reason that you could possibly like any holiday It's like oh you get a lot of time off and you get toys sick Yeah of course I'm gonna love that

And you get snow sometimes sick But um You know like I don't know Like when you're older it's like Christmas is I don't look forward to Christmas but I'm not offended by its presence. The only thing that bothers

me is what he opened up the question with which is the fact that the second Halloween ends it just becomes that time. Immediately Christmas, yeah. It's just immediately Christmas but this is probably the only upside to

this pandemic because I'm not just walking around in retail stores now and because no one's really going out and everything's kind of fucked. I haven't seen much Christmas anything. Yeah. Already, and it's like, it's November 16th.

It's unusually late in November for me not to have seen any Christmas things, but I haven't. I haven't seen any decorations. I think I saw, like, I think I heard maybe one Christmas song playing over, like, playing over, like, the loudspeaker when I was walking through a mall to get somewhere. but it's probably the most restraint I've ever seen in my lifetime of like a Christmas season that's just kind of holding off until you know when it's probably a little bit more appropriate it's angelic it's fantastic fuck Christmas it is pretty nice fuck Christmas yeah that's whatever I just

the weather's nice I like wearing hoodies and stuff so but I'm not really I've never been a a fan of the whole gifting thing I don't like feeling obligated to get anybody anything I don't like that but I also don't like other people feeling like they're obligated to get me things that's kind of what I hate more than than the feeling

because I don't know like usually I only feel like I have to get somebody something if they get me something and that's kind of why I just don't want to be given anything I just because I'm yeah I I'm so bad at shopping for other people I barely know what I want you know like I all I know is that like I want the things that I need for like my job. So like, yeah, I want a PlayStation so I can cover stuff for the PlayStation podcast. Oh, I want like a new, uh, SD card so I can save all my old files, but also like have a new,

have a new card so that I can fill it with new shit. Oh, I want like, uh, I don't know, like a better mouse or just, just shit that's like really like work oriented. So like whenever somebody's like, oh, hey, it's Christmas, what are you going to, what are you going to get, uh, so and so? I'm like, I've been given so many terrible gifts in my life that I'm just like don't get me and just give me money if you're gonna give me something Or just don't give me you know honestly socks and underwear Man fucking great fucking that's fantastic if you if you have to give me something socks and underwear will do me just fucking fine Me some fucking boxer briefs 100% give me some boxer briefs give me some fucking socks That's that's something that I used to hate as a fucking kid but now it's like oh my god's a godsend

Yeah because by the time here's it here's the thing every Christmas I get a bunch of socks And then by December of the following year, by December 1st, none of the socks match. I've lost, like, half of them. It's all fucked. So, like, just replenish my socks, and that's as much as I need. Replenish. Replenish. Replenish me.

That's pretty, that's actually pretty... Replenish my socks, please. The only thing is I get myself something. I get myself one little thing that's not even necessarily, like, super expensive. I got myself a jacket, like, the other day. And that was it, because I was like, I won a bomber jacket. I haven't had a bomber jacket for a while, so I got myself a bomber jacket. Fuck it.

You know? And that was it. That was like $65. And I'm set. That's it. For me, I get when I want one. And now you got some Healy's boy.

That's, that's true. I did imposed by the Healy's. It's going to be rolling around with that bomber jacket. I look fly as fuck. Like a fly guy from the 70s. Dude, man.

I love it. I love having a bomber jacket, man. I did. I'm probably going to try and fit those Healy's into a video. Because, uh, I'm excited. You got to do some tricks on that, man.

You got to grind some shit. shit. You, dude, trust me, it's gonna end badly, bro, trust. What if I come back looking like a pretzel?

Like, I go out and I'm like, hey, sweetie, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go do some tricks on my heelies. And then they, some guy wheels me up the stairs

in a wheelbarrow. And, uh, a wheel barrel. A wheelbarrow. And then it's like, hey, is this your, is this your roommate?

And it's like, uh, yeah. No, I'm not fucking roommate. Oh, dude. Get out of here. That's fucked up.

Oh my God. Have a heart. Have a heart. I have a fucking heart Amen You know what this is What do we got We got time for probably

Probably one more at these Let's see Let's see what we got Peta Peta they beat me They stab me Aram 22

Or A A ray and 22 I don't know Aram I don't know what that is What is that Aram I don't know

But he wrote in He says Hey there Adobe Paprika and Iru? I don't know. Iro?

I are you. I've never heard of that. I'm actually curious as to what that is. I know what a double and paprika is. I'm looking up. The fuck is Iru. Iru? It must be a spice.

Yeah, but like I'm... It must be a spice, but what the fuck is it? Yeah, what's. Who the fuck's paprika? What's paprika? Never heard of that in my fucking life. What the fuck? It's a type of for me.

cemented and processed locust beans. I don't even know what the hell that means, but I don't... Anyway, let's say hypothetically for the sake of argument, you're a lady who despises performing fallacious, and your man offers to change the taste of his baby batter to anything you'd like. What would you choose, and don't pussy out with any of your highfalutin, Hollywood elite words and logic? Love the podcast. Keep it up.

Gushers. that's pretty good but I think that's the fucking gushers that's a good answer I've thought about this way more than once gusher you've thought about this shut up don't judge me

I think I've ever thought about anything like this in my fucking life I mean so I think to just to like so it's not too because that to me

I feel like that would because how many gushers can you eat you know what I mean I feel like after a while people would be like okay I'm fucking I'm over the gushers Dude no one's coming like fucking I can eat at least two packs of gushers right

No one's coming the equivalent of like four Five packs of gushers at one time down my throat So maybe I'm maybe gonna get four gushes out of that You know maybe the taste of four whole gushers Then I'm gone You know that's it Yeah yeah Gushers isn't a bad answer at all

That's probably Honestly that's probably the right answer You know Yeah, I mean, look, I don't have gushers, but I have those, what are those fucking, God damn it, of course I threw them away. Oh, no, I didn't. Here we go. What is this?

Welch's fruit snacks, man. These fucking things. Basically, they're very, they're pretty similar. Those are like hospital gushers. Those are like hospitals. I mean, yeah. Geriatric gushers. them. There's real fruit in them, so, you know, it's good for you.

I would probably have to say, just to keep with the theme of my seed, I would just probably have it be a vanilla almond milk with reduced sugar. So it's just like fucking probably 80 calories per fucking shot or something like that. So that'd be pretty good. I think that would be, I think it would be consistent. It would, it would, you could add it to. to your cereal. Yeah. You know, I think

God Christ. You know, it's just, it's a good, it's a good balance. Whatever you fucking, you fucking child, your gushers,

fuck you. I think I'm gonna go with the Hershey's cookies and cream. It's a good flavor. Is that chocolate bar? It's a good taste, man.

It's a good flavor, but like, it's kind of, it's like one of those flavors that, like, gets pretty overpowering when there's like, like,

when it's like a whole bar, you know what I mean? But it's never going to be a whole bar if it's just fucking, you know, one load, you know? It's always going to be like, maybe like, maybe like two, maybe like, you know how Hershey bars have like the, the, the rectangles? It might be, it might be like three of those rectangles, maybe three and a half, you know. Yeah, I think that's tolerable.

Which, I'm coming like one pack of gushers, maybe two on a day. I've been really pent up, not doing anything. Yeah, yeah. I know what you mean. But, uh, I was thinking about, like, I was thinking about, like, I was thinking about Reese's peanut butter cups, but like, I just, it's such a good flavor, but I just really just want to stick with something more subtle. Yeah, yeah.

It's not like, you know what I mean? Where it's like, oh, this is, this is tasty. This is good. I want some fucking, I want some special K now. Yeah, yeah. You don't want like anything that overstates itself. I want some special cap to my fucking husband jizzed down my throat. I could go with some special K.

Oh, my God. All right. Well, that's, I think that's going to be it. It's ridiculous. What, uh, yeah, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're. about done. Thanks. Yeah, I think so, right?

That's a pretty, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're, yeah, yeah. Those are all the questions that I had selected, basically. We had, we, I thought we had like two more, but we actually got through all of them. So thank you guys for stopping by for another episode of the Snark Tank podcast. Remember, there is a bit of a scheduling change

that you should be privy to. You know, we'll be doing Tuesdays on Patreon and Fridays on free feeds. keep that in mind going forward. And, you know, we thank you guys for all your support. If you liked what you heard today, oh, also go to, what is it? What's the merch? Snartankmerch.com.

We got some merch up there. I'm actually talking to some people to get more stuff out there. I'm going to be doing some hoodies, some more colors for the hoodies tomorrow morning. So that'll be, I guess by the time you hear this then. And black, all black. All black. The design will be black too. so you barely even see it.

I had a show with a black design on it one time. It was hilarious. It was a Batman shirt with a black, like, glossy Batman design. And I was like, this is a waste of money. I like so. I have a black... I'm a black... It's really stupid. I have a black hat. I like it. Shut up. Anyway, if you liked what you heard today,

consider supporting us over at patreon.com slash the snark tank. $1 a month gets you early access. $5 gets you a question read on the show. $10 gets you access to our Discord server. And $25 gets your name dyslexically read at the end of the show, which I will now do. Three, two, one. Bastard, son, every time Chris says crazy, how did I, how did we even get here podcast?

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That's right We appreciate you all And hopefully this goes well We're doing video for the first time. Yeah, it's trippy. Let us know. Yeah, give us your feedback. This is definitely something that we're trying to figure out as we go.

I'm definitely going to be stylizing these a little bit more in the future, trying to get some maybe a little bit more custom backgrounds in, maybe fucking around with how we display this stuff. So none of this is set in stone necessarily. I just kind of wanted to get this out and just do it so we could figure things out as opposed to just kind of waiting until we had everything, you know, theoretically perfect and ready to go, and then something would go wrong.

And, well, this is already really bad. I'm gonna, I'll see you guys. Real soon. We'll see you guys real soon. Bye. Just trying to be care. I love you. What up?

What up? What up? Nogga. You can't fuck with me, bitch. You see these guns? Click and collect. Order confirmed. Dad, tomorrow can we start a band.

Yeah. Can we become robots? Affirmative. Can we go crab battling? That isn't a thing. How about swimming? Dad, can we take a nap? You not off and I'll pick up the shop and deal.

Deal. While you do the important things, we'll do the essentials. Book your free click and collect slot at tesco.e or in-app. Tesco, every little helps. Terms and conditions apply.