The Snark Tank - #58: Ass Effect

Episode Date: February 12, 2021

Is BioWare censoring Mass Effect? Will Mortal Kombat Reboot be any good? Chris played KOTOR for the first time, but will he like it? Bloody Roar, Tekken 3, Soul Caliber 2, and more fighting game talk here than on actual fighting game podcasts probably. This is a nerdy one for all you GAYMERS out there! RIP Omry Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

At CVS, it matters that we're not just in your community, but that we're part of it. It matters that we're here for you when you need us, day or night. And we want everyone to feel welcomed and rewarded. It matters that CVS is here to fill your prescriptions and here to fill your craving for a tasty and, yeah, healthy snack. At CBS, we're proud to serve your community because we believe where you get your medicine matters. So visit us at CVS.com. or just come by our store. We can't wait to meet you.

Store hours vary by location. Indeed, sponsor jobs gets you quality candidates when you need them most. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsor job credit to help get your job the premium status it deserves. at Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply.

Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. Hey, look. He's a little dead meme. I'm happy. A big. Hey, look, I hope it's good. Got it bad.

Got a ban. I'm hot for nigger. I'm hot for nigger or I'm half a nigger. I heard half. I heard half. I'm half a nigger. I got a bad so bad. I don't like how you're fucking blues.

I don't like how you have the audacity. I'm half a nigger. And then holding that like fucking a blues artist would be holding his guitar. All right. Like fucking what you call it. Like BB King. I'm half a nigger. I'm half a nigger.

Such an ignorant fucking thing. It's amazing. Welcome. Welcome everybody to the Snark Tank podcast, the show where we just get the N-word out immediately, as fast as fucking possible. Just like without fail. Just the guy who like whose job it is to like manually review is we make it really easy for him. He's like, oh yeah, demonetize. What the fuck easy.

Of course. These guys make it so simple. Maybe I should monetize them. But anyway, welcome to the Snark Tank podcast. You know us. It's me. It's Chris. It's Derek.

It's sweet. we're all here. So here's the issue. This week, nothing actually did happen. I say this with the understanding that every time we record, we say that,

and then the day after some world-shattering news occurs. Last time we did this, I said, ah, nothing happened this week. Let's talk about how shitty Superman is, or how nobody knows who,

fucking I've already forgot Nightwing or shit like that Yeah and then the day after Reddit destroyed the stock market So we're just not going to say Nothing happened this week

What we're going to say is at the time Of current At the time of this recording It's a very lackluster Week of dues You know The only thing that I can think of even was

there was some news recently that the Mass Effect what is it? The Legendary Edition, is that what's called? Yeah. Wait, no, I think it was already called. No, you're right, you're right, you're right. The legendary edition of Mass Effect, which is like the newest version of all,

like basically like a collection of the original Mass Effect games, they're changing like some camera angles to not showcase Miranda's ass as much. Booty Which initially pissed me off And then I read into it And I was like Oh whatever

Apparently there's still You're still gonna see some It's still gonna be relatively untouched I think there's like one scene Where she's like telling you like What is it? She's like telling you like a story About her sister and how like

It's like some heartfelt shit And then like the camera just pans down to her ass There's two Specific in the second and third game Yeah So there's the one iconic one, that image has been circulating around from the second game. There's one and the third one as well, but it's not as, it's a little bit closer up,

but it's not as iconic where you see your ass up close and then Shepard's in the background and you're like, oh, yeah. I remember that. I've seen that image. Yeah. It's iconic. The thing, I don't, hey, look, I'm annoyed just because it seems so unnecessary. Like, I was just like, oh, come on.

It reminds me of when Street Fighter 5 came out in the U.S. They did the same thing to Rainbow Mika's ass when she, like, her, I don't remember if it's intro or outro, but, like, she slaps her ass and then she points. I think it was her, like, when she wins or something. And they just pan the camera up, so you can't see her slap her ass because it just jiggled. And it was like, well, I mean, but she's always done this.

It's, you know, like, she fired out of three came out in 98. She's been throwing cakes the whole time. I remember playing his Mika on purpose for that. It's so, dude, I have, I don't collect very many statues, you know. I collect some action figures and shit Statute's usually too fucking expensive So like getting like these figures and shit But um you bet your ass

I have a fucking ring Bo Mika one dude She's so fucking cheeked up bro Like she's such a fucking like Whoever designed that I should look that dude up And be like dude God bless you That's a good character Yeah I don't know like but uh It's just one of those things where it's just like

Why like it's not Yeah what is that do though I'm saying like what is it what does it do other than just like It is, I would say it's arbitrary Because like nobody, nobody, I don't know Like I still like Miranda as a character Like I played the games as they were

It like didn't affect my reading of this character Sure It's more justifiable to me than just like We don't like ass in video game take ass out You know? Like it does seem like there is like more of like All right well this is like a tonally weird place For that shot to be given

Like I personally wouldn't have done it I would have just been like, what, it's fucking Mass Effect. It's like, how old is this? Like, whatever. Just, like, fix the game up and just bring it out, make it run at 60 and just leave it. Like, I don't think I would have bothered changing really much of anything with it. But, you know, it's whatever. I can't be too mad.

The thing that bothers me, though, in general, and even though I understand the context for this change, and I get that it's, like, in service of tone, the thing that I just can't get over is just how comfortable or how uncomfortable we are with just hot people in video games. It's very bizarre. I don't understand it. I played through 20 hours of The Last of Us 2 where I was like shoving serrated blades

into the wind pipes of unsuspecting people as they realistically gargled on their own blood and like gasp for air and like realistically reacted to the fading finality of their consciousness. And like you're bludgeoning puppies and you're fucking, killing people's kids and they're just like my son Dave and it's like that's like totally like

fine but like for some reason like there's this big stick up everybody's asses when it comes to just like anything even remotely sexualized I think it's very I just think it's weird that we're so comfortable with murder porn and we're just not comfortable with like oh that that's a good ass like it's just fucking weird because because people they people separate that from video games out of fear that we're going to make a little kid's pervert. It's like newsflash everyone's a pervert already, dude. Well, see, that's the, that's the, that's the

fucking, that's the conservative take on it. And the thing that's weird about it, that's not what's happening. And that's what, that's what annoys me. That's the really the only thing that annoys me. I get really angry when the gody, religious zealots that are like, take all this stuff

out of the game, I hate sexuality, but you know, God is cool that he kills like everybody on earth. It's totally fine. Like, that type of shit is where I'm Like, okay, whatever, dude, that's a little weird. But it gets a little bit weird when, like, say, fairly liberal people kind of make these decisions where I'm like, I, it doesn't, it doesn't, I just don't understand who it, who it really appeals to. Yeah. That's kind of like where I get the confusion where it's just like, I don't know who, who see, maybe, I don't know. I understand, like you said, tonal reasons where it's like, it's kind of unnecessary to show her ass in this scenario.

But it's, it's kind of like, it's. such a it's such a trope and sci-fi that I feel like it's just why not she's literally a femme fatal too like you know like and she's designed that way she's literally designed to be that

like genetically engineered to be hot as fuck which gives her and it she says it it's a part of her dialogue so it's one of those things where it's like um you know it I wouldn't have see what it would have happened if they didn't say anything um I probably would just went like

I may have even skipped it It may have been like, I may not even remembered, and somebody may have brought it up that like, oh, what the fuck? And I would have been like, oh, shit, they took it out. That's weird. And that's what would have been a reaction right there. It's weird that they mentioned that they did anything. Like, that is weird. Like, they could have just did it and not told anybody and probably most people wouldn't have noticed.

I know I wouldn't have noticed. I don't play Mass Effect for the ass. There's enough. There's enough. The internet exists. You know, like, I'm not going to play. I'm not going to play a video game to get off. That's insane.

There's enough ass. Well, I mean, that's you, Chris. Did you see the whole bad thing? You see the whole. Resident Evil thing people lost their fucking I've never seen some people admit that they've never been with women so much than the amount of people that fucking went crazy over the fucking tall girl Resident Evil I was like I've seen giant girl I've seen taller girl than guy porn since I was like 13 14 this is not new even slightly well I mean she's a tall woman with large boobs I've been seeing that for years nine feet tall is pretty hilariously tall I mean that's hilarious but I've seen tall girls have you guys before and I've laughed my ass off at it but this is hilarious have you seen uh have you seen fucking what is it success starts with your drive and american public university is here to fuel it with affordable tuition and over 200 flexible online programs APU helps you gain the skills

and confidence to move forward whether you're changing careers starting fresh or pursuing a lifelong passion our programs are designed for people who never stop You bring the fire, APU will fuel the journey. Learn more at APU. APUS.edu. One sweet, melty bite of a Hershey's bar, and suddenly I'm right back sitting on the front porch with my grandmother on a slow summer afternoon. She doesn't say much, just breaks the bar in half and hands me a piece.

I open my mouth to say whatever a nine-year-old wants to say. And she replies with a low... Shh. Listen. So we sat there. Listening. That was the first time I learned that quiet can feel full. Hershey's, it's your happy place. Those drawings of like her lifting Master Chief up because she's like two feet taller than Master Chief.

That's fucking disgusting. That's so scary. She's two feet tall than Master Chief in the fucking Muni Army. Yeah, in the suit. That's so gross. She's a huge man. She's a huge one. It's pretty interesting showing how many people like have that fetish. I mean, that's never been, it's never been a fetish of mine. I've never, but I've never, I, I got to say I'm happy for large women. Because they have so much, so many insecurities of, I've dated like back on the day, I've dated some, well, actually, I've dated a lot of, even girl I'm talking to now, she's fucking taller than me.

It's just kind of like, and I know a lot of them have these insecurities where I've just like, because just how society. usually is where it's like the guy is supposed to be taller and all this shit and then a lot of guys are intimidated by their height and shit but you saw all these dudes just like fucking that's what I want dude fucking take me it is

it for me personally I am not really I wouldn't say I'm against girls that are taller than me but I'm pretty fucking tall dude like I'm like six foot two a six foot like six foot like six girl, me dating, that would make me

very uncomfortable. You said it would intimidate you. It would intimidate you. It would make, because it's just like this, because not even like they're taller than me, this is a very tall human being, period. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm just like, I don't want you blocking my shot in basketball. I don't want to try to fucking, I don't want to try to

yam a basketball on a hoop and then you just fucking go up and block me. I'd be like, damn. Or like, I ever have trouble reaching something and she just reaches it for me. And I'm like, yo, I'm tall. what are you what are you you're just the fucking

you're the siren head I've never minded pretty much I don't know I've never really minded the height thing it's it's whatever to me

yeah but it's a big it matters the scale though for me definitely the scale matters high in general never

I never thought about it because where I guess where I live I grew up with so many Mexicans like North Mexicans and they're all like average height

you know five 5-8, 5-9 is usually the tallest. That's, like, average. And they're all, like, around my height. I never really noticed anything. There was a few, like my friend Chris, that was, you know, he had a growth spurt and junior, and he was a six-something all of a sudden.

But barring that, everyone was kind of, yeah, definitely. But, like, barring that, I didn't think about it until there was two instances. It was when I started doing a lot of online stuff, when I actually became a YouTuber like full time and I was in the Heathrow airport at London and they're just taller over there like everybody on average and I took I met up with some um a lot of my viewers when I had a layover and we all took pictures together and there's this picture of me where everyone is taller than me even the women they're all taller than me and people are like what the fuck and they're like how short are you I'm like I'm five six man and then I saw like a lot of

people make a big deal out of it where I was like I never really heard this growing up I'm a grown ass man and there's people like oh god damn you're short fucking I was just like oh I was like I guess I never really thought about it that's so fucking rude god damn you little bitch and that's the thing like it didn't it didn't affect me in the way that I feel like it intended it would normally affect some people because I guess I was fortunate enough to not hear that shit and be like insecure about my height you know I'm just like well yeah this is how how tall I am. My fucking dad was probably two inches taller than me. My mom's short as fuck. I had no chance, except for my mom's brothers are all above six feet. So that's like, oh,

thanks, mom. Like, you couldn't give me some of that shit. But, uh, yeah, man, it's, it was interesting. The internet really kind of brought that whole thing. And then, uh, that's where the that's where I first heard the fucking term manlet and short king. I've never heard any of the shit before. Yeah, no, those words didn't exist before. I'm, I'm convinced those words didn't exist before like 2017, 2016. Fair enough. Like,

I've never heard Short King before that. It's weird. Every girl I've dated has been like smaller than me. Like my current girlfriend's 5 foot 2. I'm a foot taller than she is.

Yeah. And she's small. She's like, even in our house. Trying to kiss her. Do you like hurt your back trying to fucking lean in and kiss her? She's not that small.

I adjust my neck down. I mean, I mean, a foot is pretty, that's a, that's pretty, That's a pretty massive... That's a significant.

It's pretty significant, but like it's not a... It's not problematic. She has the tippy toe to kiss me, I'm pretty sure. But like, it's not like... She has the jump. No, what? You can't... Somebody...

She's five... How tall is she? Five two? Five two and a half, I think, something like that. And I'm six two. She can't possibly tippy toe to reach you. If I bend down and kiss her, I'm not just going to stand up watching tippy toeing. He should.

Reach me. Reach me. Go ahead. Reach me. That's what I'm saying That's what I'm saying though It's like it's more than just tiptoe Like you have to you have to fucking

I have to help out You have to turn yourself into a fucking A fucking Tetris piece But everybody tilts forward a little bit When they kiss Success starts with your drive And American Public University is here to fuel it With affordable tuition

And over 200 flexible online programs APU helps you gain the skills And confidence to move forward Whether you're changing careers starting fresh or pursuing a lifelong passion. Our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire? APU will fuel the journey.

Learn more at APU.APUS.edu. One sweet, melty bite of a Hershey's bar and suddenly I'm right back sitting on the front porch with my grandmother on a slow summer afternoon. She doesn't say much, just breaks the bar in half and hands me a piece. I open my mouth to say whatever a nine-year-old wants to say. and she replies with a low

Listen So we sat there Listening That was the first time I learned that quiet Can feel full Hershey's It's your happy place Not if you're with somebody

Who's exactly your height That scares me dude I've dated a girl that was nearly my height She was like three inches shorter than me And sometimes she scared me when she got mad Because I thought she could be like a viable challenge So I'd be like I would jump back when she'd start yelling

And I'd be like, hey, don't do this. In my mind, I was in Arizona. I was in Arizona. I think this was 2008 or something. And I met up with the girl that was 6'1. And that shit was fucking wild, dude. She was so goddamn, though. It was so fucking, I only met it with her twice, like once.

Was that like a date? Yeah, yeah. Well, the first one was, I'm actually surprised that I met with her again. because she, she, her fucking friend came out of nowhere. Like we were meeting up at a restaurant or whatever

to like get some coffee or some shit. And then her friend showed up just to make sure I'm like, make sure what? I'm like, you'd fucking destroy me. You're fucking Amazon. And but her friend was just being, I guess having her back and like,

I was like, okay, cool, whatever. And then we met up a second time and stuff. And then we actually went to a Halloween party. And it was just, man, it was so fucking crazy. I was like, dude,

She's a little. This chick's two. I basically got, we got into a little bit of, some of her friends. Like, oh, this was Arizona. So they were all very conservative. And she was extremely liberal, like very against guns. And it got really just stupid at the party. There was an argument.

And I was like, I was like, this bitch sucks. Like at the end of the day. Like, it just kind of got weird. And then it got weird. Because one of her friends, not the same one, but another one of her friends started, like, hitting on me. And then she got way too drunk and her ex showed up. And then she started throwing up everywhere. And I was like, dude, I'm fucking out of here.

That sounds like a, that sounds like a party. That sounds about like how parties go. It's very weird when parties like, it's, parties are hilarious. Whenever groups of people go to parties together, it's always like, it's like Jimmy Timmy Power Hour shit. where like these main, all these main characters show up. You're not wrong with the side characters. Yeah, it's just all these main characters show up and they're like, all right, who's the main character now that we're all here?

Like, I'm not going to be a side character. I'm going to throw up in the living room and make sure everybody notices. For me, it feels like the Game of Thrones books where it's just everyone is living their own episode at a situation. Because at every party you go, if you've been in the same parties before, plenty of times, and everybody gets separated somehow, The friend groups get separated, and everyone has their own, like, the tale of bossing, say, episodes of Avatar where everybody goes, and, like, one guy figures out he likes hacus or haikus. One guy figures out, like, oh, man, I'm a little more conservative than I thought the first time.

One guy gets trapped in a room with a drunk girl, and she's, like, talking about how she has a knife and she'll hurt somebody if they ever touch you. And you're just like, and you guys convene at the end of the night, and you're like, can we please leave? I don't want to be here anymore. Yeah, it's like everybody has their own, like, character arc. I hate it, dude. Every party I've been to, every party I went to when I lived in upstate New York, when I lived in Poughkeepsie,

every party I went to someone revealed a gun. And I'm like, come the fuck on. Come on, dude. What is wrong with you? Poughkeepsie is a weird... I specifically avoided parties in Poughkeepsie. Like, if I was invited to a party in Poughkeepsie, I was like, you know what?

That's fine. I'll... I got video games, you know? I don't need to do this. Because someone's gonna bring out some like, oh, here's the first. You want to see something? They'll open up their code or whatever, and they'll have like a vial with the first rendition of SARS in it.

And it's like, how'd you fucking... Some guy has a slab of Jesus's fucking flesh from when he got crucified the first time. I'm like, bro, why do you have that? Where'd you get that from? There's always somebody like... Pickeepsie's weird because it's like a city, but it's in the middle of like...

It's in the middle of nowhere. Like, it's a city that's, like, in the middle of farmland. It's not like Manhattan where, like, you can go, you can drive for, you know, like, an hour and a half and still see, like, buildings and, like, city architecture. It's like, you can go, you can drive for 10 minutes in Poughkeepsie, and then you're suddenly in the sticks. You're, like, in the fucking woods. You know where the fuck you are. You can take a 10-minute walk and you'll be in the fucking sticks. Yeah, so it's like.

It makes no goddamn sense. So it's like you have this city environment where everybody's convening and everybody's, like, inviting people to their apartments for. for fucking parties, but then you also have these people who like who are like in the, who live in the woods who somehow managed to get invited to these fucking things. And they just show up. Yeah, they just show up with shit

that makes no sense. It's like, here's a, here's Hitler's Lugar and it's like, why? I was thinking a Luger to the whole time. I was thinking of Lugar and I was just like, someone's going to review the Luger, something like that. It's just fucking crazy. Like, I'm glad I got the fuck out of that city, man. Like, what a terrible.

It's insane, man. What a terrible place. Can we admit the Germans did something good by naming that gun Luger? That's a good fucking name, man. A Luger? I don't know. It just sounds cool. Luger as a name is kind of okay.

I like the Luger as a gun. Like it looks cool. And I dig the aesthetics of it. That's what Hans Blaster is based on, right? Like a Luger? I'm pretty sure. Yeah, I think it is. I think so.

I'm pretty sure it is. Yeah. Oh, well, that's kind of perfect. But like we were talking about, I don't know how we got here from Mass Effect. and asses. But speaking of Mass Effect and speaking of Star Wars, I guess,

since we just kind of tangentially mentioned it. I, so... Oh, yes. So a lot of people have been bringing up Knights of the Old Republic to me. I've heard this game for fucking years, right? Everybody's like, you've got to play Cotor. You got to play Cotor.

Cotor is the best. Maddie, the guy who is on Collins' Xbox podcast was telling me about it, too. He's like, oh, it's great. It's great. And I was like, you know what, I'm going to bite the bullet here. This is a bio-aware RPG. It's a video game from like, what, 2002, 2003, maybe?

Three, yeah. I have no nostalgia for this. I don't care about Star Wars at all. But this is apparently like one of the benchmarked video games of all time. I should play it if I want any number, any degree of clout. And I started it up. and I'm going to say something that might surprise you guys. I like it, like, quite a bit.

I cannot believe you, like, I am actually genuinely in shot. It is done. That is done. Nizzo Republic is literally Dungeons and Dragons. Success starts with your drive. An American Public University is here to fuel it. With affordable tuition and over 200 flexible online programs, APU helps you gain the skills and confidence.

to move forward. Whether you're changing careers, starting fresh, or pursuing a lifelong passion, our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire, APU will fuel the journey. Learn more at APU.APUS.edu. One sweet, melty bite

of a Hershey's bar, and suddenly I'm right back sitting on the front porch with my grandmother on a slow summer afternoon. She doesn't say much, just breaks the bar in half and hands me a piece. I open my mouth to say, whatever a nine-year-old wants to say. And she replies with a low,

listen. So we sat there, listening. That was the first time I learned that quiet can feel full. Hershey's, it's your happy place. And the pre-held frame of what biomass effect becomes. Yeah. And Star Wars, in like a very narratively heavy Star Wars experience. That blows my mind.

And it's like one step. above term-based combat. It's like one step above it. Absolutely. So there are things about it, first of all, it's definitely old. It's, it's...

Oh, it's horrible. I can't play it on my PC. It's very... I can't play on my PC? I will say it plays way better on the Xbox. I will say that. Like, it looks way better on the end. But there are things about it that I find inexcusable.

Like, the fact that, like, I'll die and I won't have any idea of, like, what killed me or why I'm dead. or like how accurate my health is reading because there's no on-screen indicator that you're taking damage aside from like a bar in the right hand going down.

Yeah, look at your health. That's what I, you gotta look at it. Yeah, there's no like, there's no controller vibration and I'm like, I'm pretty sure even like Halo 1 in 2001 had like controller vibration when you were taking damage. But stuff like that aside, I'm able to play this game because I have no nostalgia for it and because I have no connection to it at all, I'm able to turn this on and be like, okay, this is an old dated video game.

I'm going to play it as if it's an old dated video game. And it's specifically because I've never played it that I'm able to play it again. Because I remember when I played Mass Effect the first time, when it was new. I was comparing it to Gears of War, you know, which was new at the time. And I was like, why does Gears play so much better than this? Why am I going to play this if Gears plays better? But now I'm thinking about it and I'm like, if I go back to Mass Effect 1 now, I'm probably just going to play it as if it's just an old game

You know I'm not gonna compare it to like the new hotness because I'm just kind of going to accept that it's dated And I probably would enjoy Mass Effect one more today than I would have than I did when I first played it And I was like really interesting and I was like really judgmental of it I was like oh man I move around so fucking janky compared to You know everything else I'm playing right now But I like Cotor But I ran into a problem I ran into a game breaking buging so I'm going to put it down for a couple weeks.

What's the bug? There's a thing really early on in like the first tutorial city where like you have to take, you have to, you have to, you go to this party and you steal like a Sith Trooper armor set to sneak through a door and go downstairs into the lower city. I got to the party. I took the armor. I wore it. I sneaked down. I died and I respawned without the armor. And the party doesn't happen.

So I can't go back and get the armor again. and so I'm just stuck in this limbo where I can't progress and I can't get the item I need to progress. So I'm going to... That's awesome. Yeah. That's kind of annoying. I love it. I've been playing it.

I didn't play culture when I was younger. I know a lot about the story because I'm a Star Wars nerd. But trying to play through that game on my computer has been the most harrowing experience I've ever encountered ever. My computer like freezes. It like kick up stream lab is like, yo, we can't put this in full screen. everything's going wrong. I save. After I finish a fight, I can't walk around.

I can't move. It's just like, what the fuck is wrong with this? On PC? Yeah. Yeah. Dude, sometimes, man, like, sometimes the PC fucking versions of shit. It's dog shit. Like, I hate when that happens.

I'm like, yo, shouldn't this be better? That's what happened with fucking, uh, I was, what was it? recently playing the remastered of uh... Bioshock 1 and 2 and 2. And like 2 was fucked 2 was like like play you gotta play the OG

and it's just like because I don't know what the hell they did they're just like oh man we're not gonna fix it it's just like oh it's so weird Yeah so bad that I put the Xbox in my room and I was gonna play it on Xbox I refuse Yeah dude I refuse to stream that shit on my fucking PC My computer starts making noise

That one's hard for me to go back to you And I'm like, whoa Your PC's making sounds from streaming that Because it's confused The computer's like I don't know what you're asking me to I can't meet you here A lot of those games

A lot of those games were built With really like The way that a lot of developers at that time Describe building games They describe it as like Toothpicks Like toothpicks holding up this like It's like toothpicks and glue

Is like pretty much all this Like the code for Halo 2 is hilarious. Like it's, I'm pretty sure it's on like a PowerPoint type thing. Like it makes no sense how that thing is able to run. But it just is. And Kotor is definitely one of those where it's like you can tell that, okay, this was built with like some crude shit. And I bet like a modern operating system is probably like running that game. Like I don't know what this is.

Yeah, what the fuck is? This is foreign. I'm pretty sure. I played cold. tour and it fucked up the aspect ratio of my camera on my stream lab so my camera looks funny now. Yeah, that's awesome.

I'm like, what the shit? Old games like that, man. Like, unless they reported to PC, like, immediately and maybe, maybe it was. Was Cotor? Um, no, two was on PC though. Was the, was the, when did the first one come to PC then? See, I

thought the first one, see, I don't know enough. First I can on Xbox. I know that, but like, hold on. Cotour. It didn't get ported right away, no? I don't know. I wouldn't know either. I have no idea. All I know is that Cotor 2 came off Xbox.

Yeah, that's why it runs. That's why, like, when I played it on my Xbox, what is it, the backwards compatibility thing. Yeah. That's how I was playing it, like, back in 2017 when it was like, hey, quarters on here. I was like, oh, that's fucking cool. But, yeah, I haven't played it on PC.

And the funny thing is, I just saw my friend fucking booted up on Steam just a little while ago. So I was just like, is this conversation? I don't know if you listen to the podcast, but I don't know, it's like, is this like Coder thing like happening everywhere? Now, you know, is it because since ByWords being talked about, a lot of people are like feeling nostalgic and like pulling that up?

Because I was like, I thought that's like, why the fuck is you playing that? That can't be a coincidence. You know, I bet it's a combination of a lot of things. I bet it's a combination of the fact that EA's Star Wars license is expired and now like a lot of people are like being like, oh yeah, you know, it's been a long time since we've gotten like a swath of Star Wars games

because we've only gotten like out of EA in the last like 10 years. What did we get? We got Battlefront 1 and 2. Jedi Fallen Order and that Squadrons game. That's it, four. So there's not going to be another Fallen Order then? No, they can still make games.

It's just that they don't have exclusivity rights. So now Obsidian can make a Star Wars game. Now Bungy could make a Star Wars game. Like anybody can make a Star Wars game now, as long as they can. terrifying if a city and made one, that'd be a fucking insane game. If Bungy made like a Republic Commando, if Bungi made like a Republic Commando game at the Star Wars universe,

I'd be fucking all over it, dude. Like, that's ridiculous. That premise is too good to be even... I feel like Bungi's trying to walk away from shooting games in general. No, they're making... Let's do magic or some shit, because shooting, people got a problem, but everything we do involving shooting.

So let's just take a step back and make games about wizards. Now, they know... Straight up wizards. They know they're the... They know they're the best of that. Do you guys ever play that fucking Star Wars game that's like, it's like Tekken? Oh, uh, Terris Kassai? Yeah, Territ, Terry, yeah, Kazi Kassai.

It's so shit. It's fucking terrible. Masters of Terris Kassiz. Yeah. I never knew how to pronounce it correctly. Is it a fighting game? Yeah. It's like, it's like, it's basically, um, it's like the best way to describe it,

I wouldn't even say Tekin. I would say Street Fighter EX Plus before Street Fighter EX Plus was the thing. Ew, I hate that game. Exactly. Exactly. What is it Star Wars? Star Wars, Terris, Kassai. I never, I always called it Terakazi because I was like, what the fuck is this?

I didn't even know what it was because I was never like a huge Star Wars. I was just like, my mom was like, oh yeah, my dumb-ass kids appreciate Star Wars, which I did to a certain extent. So she got me this game. And I was like, oh, man, this is the clunkiest. Because Tekken was already a thing. Yeah. So it was like, fuck. And Tekken was already...

This is good. Like Tekken... Techin was fucking... Techin 2? Top tier. Like, Tekon 2 and Tekin 3 are like... Are PS1 games and they're really good still. Like...

Techin 3 still... Like, when Tekin 3 came out, that shit revolution... Like, that was it. Like, Tekin 2 was already like, oh, that's... This is pretty good. Like, Tekin 3 fucking just blew everyone's mind. And the way... The mocap was fucking just phenomenal.

Yeah. It was so good. It was really ahead of its time. I always felt like it was like really futuristic looking. Like even when I was a kid, I was like, this looks like fucking. I like tech and a lot. I had a lot of really, it had a lot of polygons in it when I was loading. I was like, that's cool.

Yeah. Those shapes are new. That's cool. Tech and two was my favorite. Oh, interesting. Even though Tech and 3 I know is like a better game. Like I just am more nostalgic for Tekken 2. Like Tech and 2 with the final boss fight with the purple devilman.

You've got to be fucking kidding me. Are you looking at? Are you looking at up? Holy God. One thing I'll say about them, I want this game. I still have it. I still have it actually.

Fucking, wait, you can play PS1 games on PS4? On PS5? Nope. You can only play, you can't play PS1, you can't play PS2,

you can play PS3, you can play most PS4 games, but that's about it. Interesting. Isn't that fucking ridiculous? I'm watching Han Solo fight Luke Skywalker with his bare hands. and Luke has a lightsaber.

And we'll say they have some pretty cool, like special moves, like their hypercomos or whatever. That's the only thing that I thought was pretty cool. Like, I remember Luke, like, throwing his fucking lightsaber at you and, like, fucking you up real good. I think, I think, no, no, no, Boba Fett, like, fucks you up good with some, what do you call it? Flame thrower bastard bullshit?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I remember some shit like that. I remember there was a couple of things that were, but mostly it was. It must be a soul caliber a lot. Yeah, well, the ring out thing. I fucking, I, that's the one thing I hate about soul caliber. I fucking hate ringouts because it's just such a non, like, it's an anti-climactic way to end to fight for sure.

Yeah. It's, it's the worst. But, I mean, at least when I would always try to ring myself out after I win, too, though. You kind of have to do that. Yeah, that's always fun. If you win, try to throw yourself out, too. I love the, I love the fucking intros. One night, an enemy will find his way through the darkness.

into blinding lights. I'm like, what the fuck is he talking about? I just want to say, I just want to fight. I don't want to hear about backstory of the stage and how a king fell asleep forever. I loved Soul Calver. Like any of those, like I used to be so into fighting games. I don't know when it stopped.

Like I used to love Soul Calver, used to love Tekken 2. I used to love fucking bloody roar too. I used to love fucking all these games that I just like fucking adored. And I just like, I don't know. Like I played the Dragon Ball Z games. and I was like, I think I'm done. And it wasn't even because they were bad. Like, they were just, I enjoyed those Dragon Ballsie games a lot,

but I think I was like, at a certain point, I was like, all right, how many times am I going to just press square and punch someone? And I just stopped. I don't know what the hell happened. Bloody Roar. I love Street Fighter. Bloody Roar, in my opinion, like,

Bloody Roar 2 is the one that I specifically remember because that's the one I played. But that game has some of the most kinetic, like, I don't know what it is, but like, when you kick and punch in that game, it really feels like it has like real weight to it in a way that like I remember there were these like special moves

that you could do where you could like chart it would sound like metal like sharpening and then you you would like charge into somebody and then they would ching yeah the chin and then it would do something and then they would like blast through

the fucking boundaries of the cage yeah you can fuck someone up if yeah if their health was down enough and then if you did one of those charge attacks it would just knock them through it was dude that game there's no better there's no game maybe now

maybe a fighter Z but like juggling there was nothing better like when you were doing combos that was the most fluid you'll ever see anything and one of the coolest things when you would beat the game and it would show the credits it would just have a bunch of them doing their combos they would just link them all together

you would start off as your regular person and then you would transform and then they would do their fucking special and it's just like an infinity billion hits and I'm like dude I spent too many hours figuring this shit out because I've always loved that's one thing I miss about a lot of fighting games

and what I did appreciate it with Fighter Z because a lot of juggles now or like say Mortal Kombat it's just all you have is a basic three hit combo and then you got to do like repetitive bullshit and it's not very fluid it's kind of it's not as good as it used to be she used to be much more methodic

and like utilize every fucking combo you can link things together and it looks fucking awesome. Even just animation-wise. I agree and disagree at the same time. Because I think that there was something different about juggling in old games because it felt like the height in which you would knock them up to

would be almost out of the screen. And like seeing characters, like, look up as you keep hitting them up in the air. Like, old Mortal Kombat did shit like that. Like, fucking, like, not old, but like Mortal Kombat, like, around, like, deceptions and, like, mid-2000s ones. Or, like, maybe, like, um,

Tekken or So caliber had like a lot of like juggling S mechanics that were different. I think video games, they've, they've become more frame data is now because they're bigger. So people play them more like mechanically and like, more like systematically, I guess. What do you mean?

Like people play, the way video games are played now, I feel like you're just kind of different, you know? I mean, I understand what you're saying. Because of the amount of exposure to video games, opposed to how they were when you were younger,

how whenever we would see video games, you see somebody that's, really good at a video game, right? And it would just be doing a lot of, like, cool shit. There'd be the one kid in your, like, area that plays at the, like, the fucking barbershop or the bodega that has a fucking arcade system in it for some reason. And that kid would be doing, like, this cool stuff putting it together. But opposed to now, it's like this button goes with this button, at least less friends

with this button to follow up by this button and that button. No, I understand. It just seems more. Oh, you go ahead? No, I think I know what you're saying. You're saying that there's just more information about how the game works available to your general. That's probably true.

Yeah. Like you could just Google up like in the exact frame like when to hit square or whatever the hell But like I don't think that really I don't think that has any impact on necessarily what we're talking about I think just I mean I would still say that Bloody Roar 2 is like one of the most Fluid fighting games that I've I've ever played like even just the way that characters run across the screen It just like it has like such a So such a flow to it that like Mortal Kombat like I never I could never do it like something about mortal combat was just really stilted and really like slow and like I never felt like my punches went as far

as they should have and I never felt like my kicks were as grand as they should have been which one though which one are you thinking when you're when you're thinking about like in all of them I got to be real I can't even my step my step two D Mortal Kombat model combat mortal combat three was fucking I felt like you roundhouse somebody you fucking felt that shit and this was to me was one of the most creative juggling because it wasn't just like oh this move is set up to juggle you like say how like see how it is now the moves are designed this one

it's gonna pop you up in the air it's gonna do this this was like you figure it out like I'm gonna be fucking cabal and I'm gonna do some shit it ends with hitting them up in the air and then you figure it out like oh I can do a fireball now or so I'm set while they're up and it's like it was much cooler or being jade she had like a crazy

ass combos this is like Mortal Kombat Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 era where I think it's like the best so like just for clever like I'm talking about like um the one that i think of because it's the most recent one that i've really played is is in before before ps4 came out but like after 2010 i can't remember nine so there's maybe more yeah the reboot and then mkx was after that

yeah i i'm trying to remember it was it was in that era though like i remember i remember just i remember just if you said yeah mk9 if you no no no you know he's right you're right you're right It was before PS4 was MK9 for sure. Yeah, and I just remember being like, this isn't bad, but like, I don't know, something about like the short hops and like the, I don't know. Like I always preferred like the way tech and... Success starts with your drive, and American Public University is here to fuel it.

With affordable tuition and over 200 flexible online programs, APU helps you gain the skills and confidence to move forward. Whether you're changing careers, starting fresh, or pursuing a lifelong passion. Our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire, APU will fuel the journey. Learn more at APU.APUS.edu. One sweet, melty bite of a Hershey's bar,

and suddenly I'm right back sitting on the front porch with my grandmother on a slow summer afternoon. She doesn't say much, just breaks the bar in half and hands me a piece. I open my mouth to say whatever a nine-year-old wants to say. and she replies with a low Listen So we sat there Listening

That was the first time I learned that quiet Can feel full Hershey's It's your happy place The way Tekken functioned Or at least like what I have very limited Experience with these franchises

It feels so fucking satisfying When you like The hits are so satisfying And the sound When I was little in Tekken I thought when you would hit somebody It'd be like a red spot

when you hit them. Yeah. And I thought that was blood coming out of people's heads. Me too. Me too. It was like, holy shit,

calm down. I was like, King, you kicked him in the face and blood came out of his face. I don't want to play this game anymore. It's so good though. It's too insane.

It's like, who did you, uh, because I, I remember I was like Yoshimitsu and King a lot. I was, yeah, I was,

I was King and I was, I was, um, I was King. I had a fucking, I love Jin. What was the fucking, the Duke? nuke him looking like Johnny Bravo looking guy? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack was fucking cool.

Jack was fucking cool. Jack was fucking meaty robot. They just a fucking they just made them look like some giant gile dude. Eddie was my boy the guy. I did the Capoeira thing. Yeah that's when fucking that's when they changed the game where I was like, Tekin is now accessible for everybody

because you can button match and then he just does capoeira and he'll fuck you up. Everything goes into everything else. I hated that shit. We had tournaments where you couldn't use Eddie for that reason. There was just like, you can't because you can't cheese. Because pretty much everybody that used Eddie, like, I figured out how to use him correctly. And, but it didn't matter.

Somebody that doesn't know what they're doing could still fuck you up. Because you just start mashing fucking like X in circle and he'll start dancing and he'll fuck you the shit up. And that's why he was like so, it was so wild to put him in the game. But me, Brian Fury and three, he used the fucking cybernetic cop. that guy has the best combos because they all make that smashing sound like he just does like these elbows

and when he punches you he just does this straight and it seems you flying and it's just forward forward triangle and it's the most satisfying punch you start the round four four triangle hit somebody and like my dick is a little bit hard like he's the best and he does like he does this creepy evil villain laugh

he's the best dude he was a I love that remember there was king and then there was the king the guy I had to silver fucking mask on. He was a guy I found king. There was Armour King. Yeah. No, no, no, it was the king. It was the king.

Like, it was one character. There was Armour King where he had the spikes on his shoulders. I remember that, but then it was some dude that had a silver mask. And I was like, this guy has silver leopard. It was, I loved, dude. I always thought that was cool. When I was, when I was, when I was, when I was, when I was, when I was, when I was a kid, I, and maybe I'm still wrong. Like, I don't know. I haven't followed up on tech and lore.

I, I, I straight up did just think that that was just a tiger person. I was confused He could roar like a like a tiger Yeah, I'd love that dude I don't know if Can people do that? It got a little confusing Because I remember being like

I remember somebody being like That's just a dude in a tiger mask You fucking idiot Somebody somebody treated me like an absolute asshole Like because I just thought that he was like A real tiger person But I'm like you play as a bear In that game like just a real ass fucking

Kuma Yeah That's a straight up bear You can play as a straight up actual For Real Bear And like Like, I think it's a person that turned into a bear. I don't even know.

That's a fucking bear. A person that turned into a bear and is now fighting in a tournament is no more ridiculous than a tiger person. You know what I mean? Right. Oh, excuse me. Chris, I think he's a leopard. So, uh, I need to really clarify. What confuses me is that the sounds he would make would be straight up animal sounds.

And that was the coolest fucking thing, dude. That was the coolest thing. And he would do his fucking... Like, uh, I, I still know his combo. The link one where you can kill... You can't one shot somebody with that anymore. They changed it. But that was like you would start off with this fucking,

you would press a forward, uh, forward down and then square and triangle. And it would start the combo. He would do this like reverse slam and then it would link into a power bomb. I would keep suplexing you. I remember that one. And then he'll fucking, it would one shot you if you linked it all together. But then they took it out because if you learn the combo then it was basically unfair to a lot of people and to me it's like it's Reward it's a lot it's a it's a big combo to remember and I still remember it it's a lot of buttons to link it together so I feel like it should always kill you

Tekken was always so fucking funny with the their unique the uniqueness like like I remember like Yoshimisu's like sword when he would like he would spin his sword and you could fly around it's like yeah why is this insane bullshit I hate you Dude, he stabs himself. Yeah, yeah. A lot. But if you fucking, if you, if you get caught with it, like, say, if he stabs you and then you get stabbed, it, like, hits, it, it takes way more life from the enemy. But it still takes way too much life from you. He's like, he's such a piece of shit. But he starts spinning on the floor and he starts twirling around like a top.

I'm like, what the fuck is? I loved, I loved playing his Yoshimitsu. He was always just such a fucking baffling presence. But, dude. Do you just remember a lot of the, there was like. Did you guys play Soul Calibur growing up at all? Yeah. Yeah, we were talking about that a little earlier, right?

Dude, Soul Calibur. I played Soul Calibur. The only game my sister was good at. My sister was good at Virtual Fighters. I hate that game. I hate that game. I didn't like it. And she was really, really, really, really, really fucking good at Soul Calibur 2.

Because she picked Link and she just learned how Link was bullshit in that game. Like entirely he had way too much shit. he had straight up bombs in that game. And I was just like, she'd whoop my ass and then she would laugh at me. Can we talk about something for a second? Because I forgot about this. What a fucking raw deal for people that had PS2 like myself got

where you got Hayhachi as your special character. Fucking Xbox got Spawn. Spawn and Nintendo got Link. Fucking GameCube got Link and then we got Hayhachi. Like nobody, like at least give me fucking Jen or something. Give me, Hay Hachi, you give me the old guy. And, dude, in fucking Tekken 4, he's wearing a goddamn diaper. And he's the, he's a final boss.

I'm just like, they just, he's, that's how, that's him. He's a senile old man. Hey, hachi sucks. Like, I, somehow, that's on the same level as Spawn and Link. Are you fucking kidding me? That was so fucking hilarious. I saw that and I was like, damn, dude. All I had was the PS2.

All of them. I didn't have all of those consoles. I got done dirty, dude. Yeah. Dirty dick, bro. I never, I didn't. I only played it at my uncle's house who had a GameCube, so he had Link. Success starts with your drive, and American Public University is here to fuel it.

With affordable tuition and over 200 flexible online programs, APU helps you gain the skills and confidence to move forward. Whether you're changing careers, starting fresh, or pursuing a lifelong passion, our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire? APU will fuel the journey. Learn more at APU. APUS.edu. One sweet, melty bite of a Hershey's bar,

and suddenly I'm right back sitting on the front porch with my grandmother on a slow summer afternoon. She doesn't say much, just breaks the bar in half and hands me a piece. I open my mouth to say whatever a nine-year-old wants to say. And she replies with a low, listen. So we sat there, listening.

That was the first time I learned that quiet can feel full. Hershey's, it's your happy place. I kind of miss those days when certain platforms would get specific characters. I wish that was the thing, dude. I think Kratos was on the one after that. It was Kratos. I remember there was Yoda and Vader in one of the editions. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I remember that too. I don't remember which one got which. Fuck, I don't remember that. Then it was Kratos and somebody else. I don't remember the other character. There was a, it was a, cradles clearly. There's a dead or alive game where there's like a halo Spartan

in it. Really? Yeah. It's, I'm trying to remember. I've never heard of that. Hold on. Maybe it's not dead or alive. Dead or alive? That doesn't sound, because I don't think they dead or alive ever gotten any special characters. I swear to you. I swear to God. All they did, do you guys remember the original

Dead or Alive that their tits were literally like, coming out of their clothes? Yes, the original one. If you would duck, their tits would fucking, like, it would take a while from them to settle down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, here it is. Here it is. Dead or Alive 4. I think you showed me this.

Spartan 4-58, and it's just this, it's just Massachie Farmer, but it's a chick. Of course. Because it's dead her alive. Because it's fucking dead her alive. But yeah, no, she's, yeah, it's real. Is she yeeked up? No, it's literally just, it's Massachie Farmer. That's damn.

Because they're supposed to be. I mean, she's got some ass on him. They're just supposed to be. Yo, what about Ivy from fucking Soul Calvert? Yo, Ivy's kiddies, bro. Holy, holy, dude. All of these tities were the first thing that made me think about putting on porn. That was like one of the first things that made me like, I'm just going to go for it.

It has to be more of this stuff online. Mine was my from, what was it? Fate of Fury. Yeah. My or, or, what was it, King of Fighters? King of Fighters. What is it called? Well, they became the same thing eventually.

Yeah. Because it was Fat of Fury, then it became King of, all of it became King of Fighters. Do you guys like, this is kind of. This is kind of changing the subject a little bit But do you guys like Side Scroller kind of like Ninja Guideon type Type games? Side Squillers?

Like side scroller like Ninja Guide and type I don't really consider that as a side scroller though Is it? I mean... Ninja Gatin definitely side scroller. Like the original ninja game. Oh, you mean like old school? Oh, okay, I was thinking of...

Yeah, no, no, that's like some of my favorite shit to play. There's this new Colin turned me onto it. It's called Cyber Shadow. It's fucking. awesome. And I don't normally like these times of games, but it's like fucking

Ninja Guyton and like Zelda and like Metroid. It's fucking crazy. How good it is. I fucking love side scrolling, man. That's like my bread and butter. Yeah.

If anybody's, if anybody's listening to this, I would just recommend like looking up to, even just like a little bit of gameplay of it, just to see if this is like something you'd be interested in.

But it's surprising the hell out of me because I don't normally play these games and I'm fucking having a, a grand old ball with this fucking thing. And it's new. And it just plays so well. Bloody Roar 2.

I'm just looking up gameplay. The new breed. Dude. I fucking... I remember that shit. Fuck. Dude, that show was... Man, that shit was...

God, just the combos, man. Like, I'm telling you, nothing... Fucking, the type of shit that you can do, nothing comes close to it to me. Like, it just... Like, and they also did, like, a good... It was another thing where... it's like mocap was out of this world.

Like, uh, uh, uh, Hugo was a boxer. And like all of his moves were like textbook like godly boxing, where you would just perfect bobbing and weaving and fainting and all this cool shit that I'm like, dude,

this is unnecessarily good for just a fighting game. Like, it doesn't need to be this fluid. And, um, I love just linking his combos, dude. Like,

and then he turns into a fucking wolf. And then he just eats you and shit. Like, there was that fucking weirdo, the mole. Which one? There was that bunny girl That was half bunny

Half fucking Oh yeah She was a nurse Always half bunny What are you're talking about? No no you're thinking The half The half was

The half breed She was the little cat She didn't She didn't transform fully She was She was the They called her the half breed And

Alice Alice Alice transformed completely The rabbit What game are you talking about? Alice What game are you talking about? The rabbit We're talking about El Blade Word

What bloody roar I think is three This might be three Oh, maybe. Or two. I only played two. There's a, there's a, there's a, there's a nurse rabbit named Alice and two. And then there's, um, I was always, uh, I think my name's Yoriko, Yuriko's the half, the half breed.

I was always that mummy fuck. Stun? Oh, stun the, the insect? Stun the insect. He's the bum. He's the fucking bum. Like, he's literally like, oh, like the way that he's dressed and shit. Yeah.

And he made the weirdest noises like he was about to bust a nut, like, hmm. Hmm. I was like, oh, what's going on with this guy? He was so, he was so... He was not a mummy. He was being, he was being, uh, um, experimented on by, uh, this, the Bushajima. He was the scientist. I was fucking everybody up.

Dude, I was like balls deep in this shit. Dude, you know what I love them? Dude, the fucking, the things, the fighting game moments I remember the most is like in fucking like dead or alive. I think it was when he did like to have like the barriers where someone would hit a barrier and then you would start jumping them, like stomping on them or kicking them in the face. and they're just bouncing off a wall. They can't do anything.

Ah, man, that was some shit I used to do. I used to love that when I was little. I was like, oh, he's in a fucking corner, get him. And I would just, like, do, like, sliding kicks, the knees in the face. And the character's animation just gets knocked into standing up and they fall down again. Dude, these are games that need to be fucking streamed, man.

Like, these are, like, a lot of the stuff that we're talking about that people, you don't see people playing that often, or not at all, really. And we do talk about a lot in this stuff. nostalgic shit. I think like after a while, it's like, man, Bloody Roar would be awesome

putting out some dead or live. We all need to link up and do a, what you call it, do an older video game stream. We got to do that. Hell yeah,

we're doing that for you guys. We're going to do that. We're going to do a stream where it's going to be all of us just playing some old shit in his dick and around and talking to you all. Right?

See how sweet the graphics are? See how fucking, I won't even be able to make out what they are by fucking terrible lives. I'm like, I don't know what this is. I still cheer about though, man.

I'll never forget just, thinking PlayStation 2 was so fucking good when the graphics were around i was just like oh my god dude i got um i think i had i remember when i got teckin 5 i was like dude it's this is just supreme it like it's it can't look any better than this and uh god war two i thought i thought i thought hello two was the best looking game in human history like i saw my little kid brain was like this is the pinnacle it was the best looking game on the it was it was the best looking game on the Xbox, I think, up in, like, I think probably the entire,

like until the Xbox stopped being a thing. I remember thinking that about Gears of War. Like, the original Gears of War. When the original Gears of War came out, I was like, dude, what, this is, this is indistinguishable from real life to me. Literally.

I thought that for a long time, and then, like, I look at Gears of War now, and I'm like, what the fuck? The fuck was like mud. It's like mud, but what's wild about, like, Years of War the original anyway is that it doesn't look nearly as bad as it should for how old it is. Like, Gears of War I still looks pretty fucking... Like, you could arguably release that game exactly as it is today and just be like, oh, it's like a stylistic choice that it looks...

The way it does, because it doesn't look offensively like... It looks like... It's not like Cotor, which looks like... Oh my God, Cotor looks so fucking bad, bro. That's rough, dude. But you know what's crazy? the fucking cutscenes and Cotor 2 look fucking insane, bro. Really?

It has some of the most insane cutscenes in video games. I've heard, wow. I haven't thought about Cotor 2 because I heard that it was bad. I heard like most people don't like it. Really? That's crazy. I know people have it. Everyone I know loves Cotor 2.

Really? Yeah. People say Cotor 2 is better than one. A lot of people tell me Cotor 2 is better than one. Whoa. I've been hearing like the exact opposite. That's weird. That's weird when that happens.

Yeah. Because I know more about Coulter 2, and I know story-wise, it's definitely a better game. Well, that could potentially be true, but, like, I mean, as a video game. I don't know. Like, I'm talking to all sorts of people who, like, have no. I don't know. I could be getting completely. It varies.

It definitely varies. Yeah. I mean, it really does. I don't know if I find that interesting. I like when there isn't just a mass, like, just a consensus. Because then it kind of, like, it lets you offer, like, say, oh, I wonder what this person sees in this versus the other game.

Like what is it that people are saying and then you can kind of like test it off for yourself because I've definitely played some games where everyone's like, oh, this is this shit. And I'm like, I don't agree. Like I don't understand the mass appeal to certain games. You know, certain games.

I'm like, I don't know. Like, I don't really understand. And I really thought that was going to be like, like, there's no way you could have told me that Chris you were going to enjoy Kodar at any. at all. That doesn't even make sense. Knowing what type of games you play

and the games that you typically enjoy, this is such a far cry from it. I think it goes out the window whenever I'm diving into older things. Like if I'm diving into something old, then there's no way probably that like if a game like Cotor came out today and was like fleshed out

and like high deaf and it looked amazing, probably very little chance I'm going to play it honestly because it's like look man I know that this is because especially if it comes out now because now if a game comes out it's going to be like this is going to take 250 hours of your time this is going to be your second job

and it's like I can't do that but with an expansive open world RPG that I know came out in a time before DLC before like you know live service before patches before like games were supposed to like be treated like a second goddamn job.

Like that's a lot more approachable to me because I know it's like, okay, so this is going to be like pretty expansive and pretty cool, but it's also going to be finite and I can expect it to end. A lot of my problems... Yeah, because a lot of my problems

with a lot of games now, it's like, ah, play Monster Hunter, dude. It gets really good, like, really far in, and it's like, you could play it for years. And it's like, I don't want a game that I can play for years. That's the problem, I understand. That's the biggest turnoff.

feel you for me I love games that I can I can always jump back into and play but I do understand the idea of like not every game could be a game you could play for four years but that's kind of like that's my Skyrim I only need that to be honest I got Smash and I have Destiny for that honestly

and Skyrim that's it those are the games I want to be playing for a long time that's it other than that like I don't want any other games to become that for me like I don't want those games to be like oh here's something new like I don't want to deal with something new again fucking last of us too.

Fuck that. Yeah. It's less about having a... Like, I like having a game that I can always jump back into too. Like, there are games that I've been playing for like decades. I jump into Halo 3 just to play the campaign sometimes. Like, it's literally like,

there... I can respect a game. And that's the thing. It's like that... Halo 3 is like a six hour long game. Technically. If you want to... If you really want to blaze through Halo 3,

I'm like... Even, even like, the adepted difficulty, it's not going to take you a long time. It's going to take you like six to seven hours. But I've got to... in like hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds of hours of game time out of that seven or eight hours because that game is just very dynamic and it's designed really well but a game that's like this is this is a 250 hour long campaign and it'll be like 260 hours before you're done with it

it's like that to me is like I I can't do that it's like breaking it's it's like better call Saul. I'm going to forget what the fuck I was even seeing. By the time I get even halfway through to the end, and it's like it's less about having a game that you can go back to, because that's always good. I think Cotor is probably a game that people could

go back to and play again, and like... Yeah. But it's not going to consume their fucking lives, you know? I don't know. There's too many of those fucking games. That's why I argue that Metroidvania games are the best games that exist ever. What? Metroidvania?

Yeah. I think Castlevania, Sinking the Night and Metric Prime or two of the best video games ever made. Did you play control? I have finally played control. I didn't finish it yet, but I've gotten like pretty far. And it reminds me of that thing that has a lot of those aspects in it where like you come back to, um, the idea of revisiting stages with the power. Therefore, like changing the stage's dynamic is very, very, very beautiful. I think that's, I want to play the D.O.C.

Have you played the yet, Chris? No, I'm working my way through, uh, because they just put out the ultimate edition on PS5 or whatever. so I'm trying to because the original one the original control doesn't run well on PS4 Pro it runs like shit and like you need like a really good

graphics card on a PC to run it because there's like ray tracing and by default so it's like it's a really hardware intensive game so I'm playing through it on PS5 now but like I heard the DLCs I love control control is so fucking weird and it's like finish

it's like a finish game so it's like this weird it's this very bizarre culture at play in this game where like there's these like old There's like this old janitor in that game that speaks in a language that I've never fucking heard before but it's a real language and it just like fucks me up every time I hear it

because I'm like this is like some fucking Babadook language But Yeah Oh man Since we're talking about video games So I have fucking Bloody Roar 2 on my screen We got some questions

I think now's a good time to jump into these Yes sir Why the fuck not? Fuck Kangas Khan Wrote in He says Salutation's Boys My question revolves around The new images released about the Mortal Kombat

Reboot coming this year I actually didn't know about this Is that a thing that's happening? Yeah Yeah, it's finished It's involved in it actually Wait is what do you mean it's finished It's a game or a movie or a

No it's a live action movie Oh shit I think one of our friend is in it Actually am I even kidding What? I think Joe might be in that movie I'm not kidding. Like, as a stand-in.

Like, I'm not joking at all. That's... Oh, yeah, no, you're right. You're right. Yeah. I think he might be a standard in that movie. He's fucking hilarious.

He's like sub-zero, though. Joe's fucking fucking Luke King. Joe, our white friend is Luke hang. I'd be like, what the fuck is happening? Oh, you fucking great, dude. Anyway, he wrote it. He just has the most racist fucking caricatured depiction of an Asian man.

It's insane. I'll be like, whoa, Joe. All right. How much they pay you to do that? Probably not much. My question revolves around new images released around the Mortal Kombat reboot coming this year. As a big Mortal Kombat fan, I'm excited,

but if this succeeds, do you think it would set a now three-movie path to a better video... to better video game adaptations in the future in light of Sonic and Monster Hunter's success? Monster Hunt? There was a movie... There was a Monster Hunter movie. Did it come out already? I just remembered that. I think it did.

No way. It didn't come out yet. it did. But it wasn't like, it wasn't like a blockbuster thing, was it? No, well, I don't know. 2020. Monster Hunter. I mean, I didn't hear about it.

I heard it was coming out. It's just Monster Hunter, but the U.S. military is in it. Oh, so it's fucking, what is it, fucking Starshipers on Earth or whatever? It's fucking nonsense. But he says, yeah, personally, as long as reptile has done justice, I'm satisfied, stay toasty.

I didn't know anything about this. It's, it, well, some of it looks, like some of the screenshot they showed, I'm like, okay, you know, Sub Zero looks cool. It's, it really, I'm not too, I'm not too worried about how the people look as long as they tried, and they don't just do some bullshit where it's like, we're just going to make them look at whoever we want, because I'm the director, you know, like that type of shit. I'm just worried about the choreography because Mortal Com that's never been about, you know, They have a story.

They have plots. I don't care. It's just, just throw some nice choreography together. Just entertain me. The first one, the 95 one, was entertaining. That's all I needed to be. The choreography still holds up, if you think about that shit came out in 95. The movie itself is janky, of course.

And then the second one was a disaster and unfinished. I love the 97. That shit's fucking... I love it, but it's a bad movie. I love that movie, though. I hate that movie so much. You know, a movie's best. when you're fucking, when you were nine years old and you're in a movie theater and you're like,

this shit sucks. You know it's bad because kids like everything. Like so I was just like, what the fuck is this? They killed Johnny Cage right away. It wasn't even him. They replaced every actor the chick from Billy Madison. She wasn't Sonia, Sonia Blade anymore. Yeah, she wasn't.

Fucking. That fucking that. Ben Diesel looking motherfucker. Basically. I was like, who the hell is this guy? This is Shaq Khan? I think it was some like, whatever. They just, they replaced Raid and Christopher Lambert with some fucking guy that, that was, I forgot where he was from.

And he was just some piece of shit that did a bunch of backflips and gave away his powers. And I was like, what the fuck? I was so confused. I will say one good thing about that movie. Syrax versus Jacks was actually kind of an okay scene. I like that. It's actually that was okay. That's the only thing.

I like that movie a lot. It's fucking bad, dude. Go watch it. Go watch it again. You're going to like, oh, wait, never mind. I haven't watched that movie and like, I'm being really serious. Maybe 20 years. But like, I love it.

I remember what, like, they had the thing where he met all the gods. And the water came up and it had that really disgusting looking, like, fucking CG where they're like. Yes, dude. They animated the elements and the fire looked like orange juice. It was just so bad. It's so bad. He's talking to the elder gods and like, fuck you, you're gay. And he's like, oh, no, give away your powers, bitch.

And I was like, dude, oh, my God, it's bad. It's so, it's, as an adult, you just, like, you're like, oh, no wonder why I hated this movie. Because you get to, you understand why it's so bad. You actually get to, like, really dissect what's wrong with it. And I was like, wow, it's, I can, I can watch it with the homies. I'll give it that. We can make fun of it. I can do that.

But there's no way I'm going to watch that shit in my leisure. Like, there's no way. I'm, you know, I'm, like, I'm optimistic. Ever since Castlevania was created, I'm optimistic about everything. Bro, give me that shit. Give me animated shit like that or just like a fucking daredevil type shit, witcher shit. Give me something like that. I don't think Moral Combat should be a movie in the fucking first place.

Really? There's, there's too many things. surrounding it. There's too many fucking realms for it to be a goddamn movie. That's true. It's stupid. So it's, it's, I just hope the choreography is cool. That's all, I'm just hoping for it. It's just like, it kicks ass. And that's it. Because then I'll be like, oh, okay, I support this. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, fucking, I'll buy a copy or some shit, or whatever. But I don't have, I fucking, I don't have high hope, man, fucking, God damn. Everything, everything other than, like, the games as far as Mortal Kombat has been pretty much dog shit.

Like, there's, some of the games have been pretty cool. They've been doing pretty well, like, now. But media outside of it is just, come on, man. Yeah, I don't know. Fighting games. I remember it always baffled me, like, the movies that people decided to make out of video games. You know, like, you see, like, oh, here's a street fighter movie. Oh, here's a, here's a Mortal Kombat movie.

Oh, here's a fucking, oh, my God. What was the other way? Do you do Prince of Persia? Here's a Hitman movie. Oh my God. Dude, they tried Hitman twice. Hitman's not a fucking movie. That's like, you already have.

It's, I don't know. Like there's Mission Impossible and shit, dude. Like, there's spy stuff. That's, double seven, basically. Yeah. There's, we have our spy thrillers already. Exactly. It's okay.

The fact that someone in a room was like, hitman will be a good movie. And people were like, yeah, blows my fucking mind. Dude, they try it twice. It's just a waste. Like the first one, people were like, I know this was eh And they're like Okay let's do it again

Resident Evil Resident Evil is a movie franchise That is completely unrelated To the games Like I don't I don't even In the movies of Resident Evil Chris Redfield dies like so fucking fast Like in 20 minutes dude

I was like what the fuck bro He dies so fast Asia this franchise exists because of Asia Success starts with your drive and American Public University is here to fuel it. With affordable tuition and over 200 flexible online programs, APU helps you gain the skills and confidence to move forward. Whether you're changing careers, starting fresh,

or pursuing a lifelong passion, our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire, APU will fuel the journey. Learn more at APU.APUS.edu. One sweet, melty bite of a Hershey's bar, and suddenly I'm right back sitting on the front porch with my grandmother on a slow summer afternoon. She doesn't say much, just breaks the bar in half and hands me a piece. I open my mouth to say whatever a nine-year-old wants to say.

And she replies with a low... Listen. So we sat there. Listening. That was the first time I learned that quiet can feel full. Hershey's. It's your happy place. They pay for this shit.

The Asian continent Love Yeah, they Those motherfuckers China Japan in particular They love those movies They make so much money

Oversease That's why they keep Because it's like Who do you know In the United States It's like oh that shit was dope Oh shit like I fuck it Don't get me wrong

I've watched all of them Well see you're the fucking You're the fucking problem I have watched all of them Because of the fact That I'm told that look bro This movie's terrible And I'm like it can't be

that bad because I'm like okay I'm like because thinking it like this look look if you make if you make one bad one fine movie right you go and make another one up for a second one is not good right you would assume by the fifth time my man by the fifth time they're greed like in your shit you got to you you you you figured it out

but nah not them not them they're on try number nine and they're still fucking it's just weird it's just weird to me that they choose they choose like fighting game franchise is to make movies from it, or like, Doom, they tried. Like, and it's like, what,

it's all these, all these games that are so gameplay focused. Yeah. It's so weird. Like, we don't really need a plot, right? Yeah, it's like, the whole, the whole appeal, hold on, hold on, on. The whole appeal of, like,

most of the games that have had movies built on them, have been the gameplay, quite literally. Like, like, nobody plays Mortal Kombat, a street fighter for the fucking plot. That's insane. That's baffling. Nobody plays Doom because the story is immaculate.

What the fuck? It's wild. And meanwhile, like, you know, the Bioshock movie goes and like it like dies out in limbo and like, you know, all these other things that probably like, not that these would even be good ideas to begin with. Because I think video game movies are a problem in general. I feel like they work better as TV shows. Yeah, Nintendo cancelling Zelda should the third Zelda fucking show for no god. Damn reason. What?

Remember they made like an April Fool's like Legend of Zelda movie? And like the, didn't the trailer look pretty dope? But it was like in April Fool's. Do you remember that? It was like IGN, right? They used to do those.

Yeah. Yeah. They used to do this. I remember seeing, and I was like, wait, why is this bullshit? This actually looked good. I think I remember, like, if I remember correctly,

I got to pull that up, just make sure I'm not hallucinating. It was good. Maybe it was dog shit. You probably remember it as good for the time. but it probably it probably isn't good

like I feel like IGN made it in their studio so it probably wasn't that great that was like the Halo movie they did a similar thing with a halo movie and it ends with like fucking MasterCheep

taking his helmet off and he's just doing some fucking stupid dance but I don't know man like I feel like like Bioshock's in such an amazing narrative

and like that wouldn't be a good movie like that would be a good show maybe but I don't know you remember they did Assassin's Creed with fucking Michael Fastbender

You remember that? I remember. Yes, I watched like 20 minutes of it What a waste. And I was just like, you know what I found more interesting about that? You know what was more interesting learning about the stunts

than the movie itself? Yeah. Like they were showing the stunts like, oh, look at the free falling and all this shit they're doing it. It's like, oh, it's pretty dope. That was way more interesting in the movie.

I never saw it. I never saw it. But that was like, I don't know, man, Hitman, Assassin's Creed, all these fucking weird at Tomb Raider again. They did like another one With Vicander

What's that fucking person's name? Vicander Alicia Vicander Wait, there was another one? Yeah, yeah, there was... Oh, you're right, you're right! And then there was... Remember, and they remember some of those fucking dudes were pissed off

that her tits were small? Yeah, yeah, I remember that. I totally forgot about that. They made her tits small? God fuck, man, what's the point of that? No, they didn't make her tits small. It's just an actress. The actress wasn't busty

like the fucking actual Laura Croft or who played her before Angelina Jolene. Thank you. Yeah. So there was some people that were like some genuine fuck boys. They were like, aw. And I was just like, well, I mean, whatever. What are you fuck boys? There are people that know what they want, man.

Get out of you. But that's another movie, man. That's another movie. They're working on a sequel on it because it made money. Like that's like the Tomb Raider movie. The Tomb Raider movie. The Tomb Raider movie that none of us have heard of. Hey, yo, those new games were the Squarespace games? They're pretty fucking good, man. Yeah, no, I think. Yeah, I think

They're pretty okay. I think people kind of... I didn't play on. They're games that you just don't really only play once, but I had fun playing them. Did you finish all three of them? I did not finish the third one. I finished the first two,

and I actually beat the first one twice. I enjoyed it enough to beat it twice, because there was enough in it to do where I was like, I'm having fun with this. I'm having fun shooting people in the face with this fucking bone arrow, and her just dying. they're so good like she genuinely gets fucked up

when she dies yeah it's like they it's some of the most gruesome death animations I think I've ever seen in that tumor and that was one of the one of the coolest things about that game was like damn dude like it really makes you feel bad for dying

like beyond just like oh I lost progress it's like oh my god I'm like torturing this fucking person but no those yeah I think those games were were pretty good I don't think they were anything like necessarily like super special but like they were really competent and pretty well made The last one

pissed me off because it was so close to being amazing And they just, there's this one choice That they make that they immediately Like it would have been a bold It would have been like a really ballsy Like really cool choice to make And then they just completely walked it back

Like within in the end of the very mission That they made it And it was just like oh man Because like the whole time you're playing these Tomb Raider games You're like When is she going to be Laura Croft? You know? Because that's the whole thing

whole all, this whole trilogy was about like, her becoming Laura Croft. Becoming, yes. From the original PS1 games. And I was like so stoked. I was so on board with that. And I remember I finished the first one. I was like,

ah, well, Lara kind of sucks, but, you know, it's, it must be going somewhere. Like, this must be like, okay, it's a character arc.

I can get behind it. And then the second game happens and it's like, she's getting a little better, but she still kind of sucks. And it's like, all right, when is this going to happen.

And there's a moment in the third game where you think it happens. Or it's like, oh, shit. and you're fucking excited and it becomes doom. It just becomes doom out of nowhere. And it's like, this is fucking awesome. And then they just undo it.

And it's back to like, back to normal. And it's like, all right, well, it was so close. I didn't play me. I played like two meter maybe three or two. Yeah, that's fine. I was like, it's not like a, it's not like a game that like every, it's a game that everybody knows about, but it's not a game that everybody's played by.

I was like, oh yeah, this is fine. I was like, this is cool and awesome and stuff like that. but I'd much rather be playing as Yoshi throwing eggs and catching a baby after it gets knocked off my back. And I would just turn back on a 64 and play like Yoshi's story again for like the eighth time as a fucking four-year-old.

The original Team Raider games did not age well. Like, I'll say that. No, they were, dude, they were janky even when I was a fucking kid. I was like, oh, she's very hard to control. And I don't like how she moved. And it was, it wasn't. She, her animations, like, jumping, it was so slow.

I didn't get it. Like, it didn't, like, there was a fucking game that nobody played pitfall 3D that was better than, like, any tube reader I played. I never heard of pitfall 3D. Yeah, like, pitfall was a fucking, you know, old school, right? That fucking, like, I think pitfall's like Atari or some shit. It is. And then, and then they made a pitfall for S&ES, which I actually fucking. loved. It was basically just Indiana Jones on steroids.

It's actually a really fun game. And then they'd made Pippfall 3D and I was like, I actually enjoy this more than like any Tomb Raider I played and that's fucking sad. It's weird. It was just, it's really weird because it's shit, but it was better. Okay, go ahead. It's weird though, because I remember like playing Tomb Raider like one of them. And I remember playing it quite a bit and not thinking that it was, it played that poorly. And it's weird. Like, because I go back now and I'm like, oh, how could I have ever even thought that this was okay.

You were a dumb kid. Like, I don't know. You were stupid. No, but even back then I was like sensitive to, to, um... Success starts with your drive. An American public university is here to fuel it. With affordable tuition and over 200 flexible online programs, APU helps you gain the skills and confidence to move forward.

Whether you're changing careers, starting fresh, or pursuing a lifelong passion, Our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire, APU will fuel the journey. Learn more at APU.APUS.edu. One sweet, melty bite of a Hershey's bar, and suddenly I'm right back sitting on the front porch with my grandmother on a slow summer afternoon. She doesn't say much, just breaks the bar in half and hands me a piece.

I open my mouth to say whatever a nine-year-old wants to say. And she replies with a low... Listen. So we sat there. Listening. That was the first time I learned that quiet can feel full. Hershey's.

It's your happy place. To bad controls. That was something that I was, even like the original Resident Evil's like when I was a kid, I was like, this fucking controls like shit. Oh, yeah. But at least those were by design, though.

Yeah, that's, you know what I mean? They're like, let's fuck with the people that are, let's fuck with the players. Let's make it. I thought F0 were good games. I was little. I really in my heart of hearts in my little mind, would play F0 and I thought they were good. And then I played like Wipeout and I was like F0 games are not good. Wipeout is so much. Wipeout's amazing. Wipeout Pure. Wipe Out was

a PSP game and it was like one of the, it's one of the best racers that I think I've played. It's so good. Wipe out's a weird series though. That's that's one that's like not super popular. but it's also like super important to PlayStation because it was like huge in like Japan or like the UK for like a while. But I remember Wipe Out Pure being like fucking stellar. Like and the music in that game was great too. It was. That whole style. Like I don't know if you, have you ever heard of Wipeout?

I never played that. It was like a series of like it was like a series of like battle racers. Yeah. But everything had a very sleek white polished design. yeah everything was super like slick looking yeah i love that game yeah it's it's like a game place if i remember it like immoral flashback into my brain i love doing that looking up like fucking old games and they're just like you seeing like one

one screenshot of it and like the whole game goes back and it's all back yeah wipe out this game entirely now wipe out pure just so good oh man my god the spikes i fucking hated the spikes Yeah, and I remember, like, you press the shoulder buttons to get, like, to, like, loosen the, uh... Mm-hmm. You would, like, you would open, you would open fins on the, on whatever side of the car that you, you press the triggers on, and it would, like, help you turn better and, like, drift. It's a really cool. Fucking pod racers.

What is a shit? Yeah, it is. It is. It's basically just pod racers, but, like, it's, it's just super sleek, and it's so fucking fast. I love this game. Yeah, it's pretty good. But, uh... I don't know how, I don't remember what the question was, but whatever.

It was about a Mortal Kombat. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right. We got from Mortal Kombat, the movie, to wipe out Pure. Hey, man, Wipe Out Pure is a fucking goat. It's goaded. Matthew Bush wrote in. He says, hello, NWA and David Spade. Wow.

Holy shit. At least, I don't know, I would have felt better if you called me fucking Carlos Monsea than David's fucking Spade. At least you're pretty far from both of those people. You're pretty far from both of those characters. Was it Carlos Mencilla, like, not even Mexican? Like, he was like... Yeah, he's fucking Honduran and, like, German. Honduran is so Spanish, though.

His name is Ned Holness. Like, he's fucking just a complete fucking fraud. His name is Ned? Ned Holness. He changed his name to Carlos. Carlos Mencia. I pee in a plastic bag, man. My dick don't work.

Dude, that is the funniest episode of South Park. Masterpiece. Holy shit, what a masterpiece of an episode. If I was Kanye West, I would have been so fucking angry. He took it in strides. He wrote a blog and was talking about like, yeah, man, like the way that I grew up and yada, yada. And he took it in stride and said, like, I do need to check my ego. It didn't work.

And then the best thing was Carlos Monsia thought it was a good idea to say, yeah, man, we can all learn something from this. But then quickly, people started shitting. over him and he deleted his fucking post about that because he's like oh because it's like you need to learn you need to learn that to not steal jokes is that it and then he's like oh shan he walked it back dude that guy's such a piece of shit he just went on um tiger belly what's up my dick don't work man he went on tiger belly what the fuck is that uh it's um it's a bobby lee's podcast with his girlfriend colila oh right podcast and so uh he was just on maybe like a few weeks ago and he's still to this day will not admit that he

purposefully stole jokes and he just won't be like, he's just he can't do it. If he would just apologize years ago, he would have been fine. He just, he won't do it. His ego won't allow him do because he got fucking destroyed so bad. But yeah, fuck him. Dude, there was a moment on Bobby Lee

there's a moment where Bobby Lee was on some podcast, right? He's the guy from Mad TV, right? For my mistake? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was on a podcast and he was like they were talking about like a really serious traumatic moment in his life and he said yeah i was raped by i was molested by a man with down syndrome and the guy that he said that to his face was like what and he couldn't help but laugh it's really funny he was like

you can't just say that you as a comedian you know how you deliver words you can't Say that to somebody. That's his whole thing is that he intentionally like... Like that's not real, right? No, it's real. It's real. He's actually, as a kid, a fucking old dude with Down syndrome Lord him in with candy and he would perform sexual acts on this down syndrome man.

That's fine. But like... What I'm saying is, what I'm saying is he knows, like, when he knows, like, when he knows Like when he says like you shouldn't laugh at that He knows he was serious I saw he was really serious Like man like seriously dude That's a really traumatic moment for me

There's no way that Bobby Lee has ever said seriously I would prefer that you don't laugh And like he literally I've seen it But it's a comedian Like I can't take comedians at their words I understand you might not take him seriously about it But even comedians probably have trauma That they don't find easiest to deal with

Yeah but they don't go on fucking comedy podcast To talk about it I don't think it was a comedy podcast Was it an I was raped podcast? No. What do you think these people go? You gotta calm down. There's not just comedy podcasts and political podcasts, all right?

There's different things, Chris. You know? So like he went on there. Like it was so funny because the guy he said it to literally you can see in his face where he was like, I don't know if this is real or not. I don't know if I can laugh at this or not, but I can't help what my face is doing. And Bobby was like, hey man, it's really traumatic experience. And I'm like, yo, all I thought was like, this man got molested by a guy with Down syndrome.

Holy fuck. It's kind of, it's one of those things where it seems like all your, it seems kind of fake. It's laughable. It would happen to, but it's like they say that trauma kind of pushes people towards doing stand-up. Absolutely. Yeah, like there's so many, they talk about in those circles, they're like, oh yeah, a lot of us. There's rarely any comics out here in L.A. that are fucking, that had a normal childhood.

Like, pretty much everyone's fucked up. No, yeah, of course. I wouldn't laugh at that. There's no way he didn't know. Yeah, like that would elicit laughter. There's no way he didn't know that that wouldn't be a funny thing for him to say. Like, it's Bobby Lee. I wouldn't laugh at that.

But at the same time, I would be like, what the, I would have to stop the interview. I would be like, okay, guys, let's take a brace cut real quick. That's like when I. I am tripping right now. It's like when Jalen was telling us that story about the dog that hung itself. It's like I can't. I get that it's, I get that this is serious, but like it's also like what a fucking image to conjure up in my brain. It's like the vacuum and the abortion joke.

I was just like, oh man. Anyway, Matthew Bush, Matthew Bush wrote in. Oh, yeah, what's the question? I'm British and I would like some context with. Dr. Drew, why should I give a shit? Why should I give a shit about him? I thought you guys were on about Dr. Dre until recently. So he thought we were talking about Dr. Dre this whole time.

Dr. Drew, I don't even... What we even talk about Dr. Dre? We're talking about Dr. Drew. Does Drew and Dre sound the same, Mike? Rangardio Leviosa. Rangorio Leviosa. Does Drew and Dre sound the same, might? I'm just trying to fuck it up as much as I can.

It was so bad. You lie me, fuck. Hello, everyone. Welcome to this week in, welcome to this week in dumbass for the week of fucking whatever day it is. Do you remember me? We're going to talk about fucking how much I hate everything that's left and, but I'm still left. One of the first guests that we had, one of the first guests that we had on the podcast was I'm Alex.

And I had no idea what he was saying the whole time. Oh, yeah, because he, because. Not only is he British, he has a sweet Lisp too. So he's like, oh, how my, we go to get some of the two. That's not even like that. Such a piece of shit. Oh, my God. I was just kidding, by the way, Alex.

I was just thought of a good joke. Such a piece of shit. Look, I don't know. I'll be real. I don't know anything about Dr. Drew aside from the fact that he like, he's like a TV doctor kind of therapist. Oh, well, he's not. He is on TV, but he's real. He's a real doctor.

No, look, because he's a real doctor. Because, you know, there's a lot of, there's like Dr. Phil. There's Dr. Oz, like these, they're hacks. Right, right. They just have doctor in their fucking name. But Dr. Drew is actually like a practice. He's actually an MD and was working in the 80s. He was really helping out with like the AIDS epidemic and everything.

Like he's actually done some real genuine work. And then he got his biggest start by doing a love line with Adam Corolla and stuff on K-Rock. So that was like his biggest thing. And they started doing like Celebrity Rehab. and now he just does podcast with like YMH studios and stuff. So like I like him. I like the guy. He's insignificant really like he doesn't, it doesn't really matter.

He's not like, yeah. I mean, he's not like a big, he's not like an A-list. Like the reason I even brought this joke up to begin with, like the whole thing like, oh, Dr. Drew died today is because like Dr. Drew is exactly the kind of celebrity that you would hear, oh, he died today. And you would actually look up. Because if somebody told you that. Angelina Jolie died today.

Like, you wouldn't, nobody would be able to tell you that because you would know already. I feel like I might look it up. Twitter would tell you. No, you'd have to mourn them titties, man. Your fucking parents would probably tell you that. You know, like, you're not going to find that

from some random secondhand source. But Dr. Drew, there's a pretty good chance that he might not even trend on Twitter if he dies. You know, like, I'm pretty, like, it's like him, Jamie Kennedy, like,

the guy that was in a, The guy that was in, the guy that was in on the mummy. What's his name? Brendan Fraser? No, Brennan Fraser would definitely trend. I'm like Brennan Drew a train. Dude, they're on the same level. No, what?

Brendan Fraser and Dr. Drew? No, no, who did you mention? No, after Dr. Drew? Jamie Kennedy? You were name dropping. Yes. No way. Dude, Jamie Kennedy for a while was really fucking popular with Malibu's most wanted and shit.

Exactly. For a hot minute, bro. But listen. And son of the mask or whatever, that shit was a hit, dude. I guarantee you, this is going to be another fucking. This is going to be, hold on, hold on. This is going to be another Jason Todd conversation because I guarantee you you go up to,

you go up to people on the street. I guarantee you more people will know who Brandon Fraser is than they will know who Jamie Cady. That's absolutely, no, no, that's not even a debate. That's true. I don't think any young person is going to know who to fuck Brendan Frazier is. They will.

But I think I do not think so. No, no. Brandon Fraser has been in anything in so fucking long. No, Emotep is though. Don't know eobotep. It doesn't matter if he's been anything in anything in a while, because he's a fucking meme, dude. The dude has that famous crying photo.

There's like videos with millions of... Well, they don't know that's him. Hold on, hold on. There's videos with like millions of views talking about how him and like his ex-wife fucked him over. These are viral videos that are like modern like colloquialism, like people know this stuff.

Your average person might not, but your average person definitely knows who Brennan Fraser is and your average person definitely probably doesn't remember Jamie Kennedy at all. I mean, the last thing that he was in was the son of mask, and nobody remembers that. But think about how many people know about Malibu Most Wanted. That got big.

Everybody in their mother saw that fucking. No, but no, you're right, though. It's not mummy big, my guy. No, it's not nearly as big. It might be bigger than a mummy, bro. You're, it might be. No, no, no, no, no, no. Come on, let's be real, dude.

Come on. The first mummy, look, I think the money movies are big, but think how many people out of lulls, out of just like fucking making fun of it, made jokes and songs. Malibu Most Wanted. There's a lot. A lot. There's a ride at Universal Studios based on fucking Brendan Fraser's face, dude. Like there's, I'm sorry.

Is it, does it have Brendan's Fajer's face in it? I don't remember if it shows him. You walk into Brendan Fraser's face. No, it doesn't. It's HEMOTEP. People who HEMOTEP is. But listen, but hold on, hold on. META.

First of all, I'm going to tell you straight up, I've never seen Malibu's most wanted. I have no idea what you're talking about when you even say that. Nothing comes to mind. It's just white boy shit. I swear to you. It's just Eminem in the fucking Malibu. Is this Eminem without his talent?

That's it. Yeah, I've never heard of this in my line. No, but look it. Yeah, dude, like the mummy was, come on. It had to spin off the Scorpion King with the Rock. He was in the second one, the Scorpion King. Well, no, he was the Scorpion King. He was the movie with the worst CGI ever in history.

I don't know why they made a spinoff movie called the Scorpion King, the prequel. They made four of those movies. You know that, right? There's a bunch of Scorpion. Well, yeah, they made a bunch of them that didn't have the rock in them. And I was like, what the fuck is this shit? But I think Emotep might have been in one of them, though. I don't remember.

Emotap. Do, Emotap was fucking cool, man. I like, what was the name of the Magi? Were they the Magi? The guys that were like, um... Success starts with your drive. An American Public University is here to fuel it. With affordable tuition and over 200 flexible online programs,

APU helps you gain the skills and confidence to move forward. Whether you're changing careers, starting fresh, or pursuing a lifelong passion, our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire, APU will fuel the journey. Learn more at APU. APU.orghs.edu. One sweet, melty bite of a Hershey's bar, and suddenly I'm right back sitting on the front porch with my grandmother on a slow summer afternoon. She doesn't say much, just breaks the bar in half and hands me a piece. I open my mouth to say, whatever a nine-year-old wants to say. And she replies with a low,

listen. So we sat there, listening. That was the first time I learned that quiet can feel full. Hershey's, it's your happy place. I forgot. Brendan Frazier's character was one, and they had like a cool handshake,

and they sent some cool shit, and I was like, wow, that's so... I'm gonna look it up right now. Our roommate just got the mummy on VHS, so we're excited. wash. Yes, she did. What kind of fucking hipster shit is that? What is that?

I don't know. The mummy on VHS. We're hipsters. Is this house full of hips? What is this fucking Red Leder Media? Get the fuck out of here, dude. The hell is this. You see that video where they played Django with all the tapes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was like, yo, that's fucking amazing. This is great. I was literally just watching Red Letter Media before we did this. Yeah, I've been getting, I've been watching them a little bit more lately. Like, because I didn't used to watch them because I just, I didn't really care about movie reviews, but, like, I was, I've been watching their, like, best of the worst series, and it's like, this is, yeah, those are so fun.

Some good shit that I, like, because I only knew them from the Star Wars, like, the Plinket reviews, like the Star Wars. That was all I saw from them for the longest time. I had no idea that they even, like. Oh, did anything else? Yeah, well, I knew that they did stuff, but I just assumed that it was like, oh, well, it's, it's just that style of review for, but, but, like, for anything that isn't Star Wars. That's what I assumed it was.

And, uh, that's, do you remember? Kingsen we were watching where they were like going through videos of like and there was the dude who like just shot a bunch of weapons at like Gar-old guy that just shot fucking guns he shot guns over and over again he was talking about how like how good it is to have like self-defense

and he just shot shit he shot like a fucking blew up a car he was talking about like knives it was just the most American man I ever seen in my life it's such an interesting premise for a show where they just like find all they just collect all these like black label like mystery VHS tapes and they just

watch. I love it. That's like, it's introduced me to, dude, there's one on Amazon. Like how many murders they've probably got VHS. It's like people getting snuffed out. Oh, like random shit. That's like terrifying. Like you're looking at it and the next, you know, a baby's in a craving. The baby's like swaying back and forth.

Then next, you know, there's a big blood stain. The baby's not in a craving. You're like, what the fuck? Who set me this? And they're like, oh, we can't, we can't show this. This is actually real. I can't sleep tonight. I can't sleep tonight.

Fuck showing this. Oh, my God. I'm going to. I'm going to, there's a, they did one on Amazon that I, uh, I saved the name. Next episode, I'll look it up later because that's one that we're going to have the audience. Everyone's going to have to watch it because it's the most absurd thing I've ever seen. Nothing comes close to it.

And it's on Amazon right now. And, um, I might have it saved on my watch list, but I'll check it later. It's fucking, oh my God. Like, I, I really do appreciate that, best of the worst shit. Because they've introduced me to a lot of just the crazy shit that I can't believe somebody made this and it makes me feel like, well, why don't I make something? I can do what they're doing.

Yeah, no, exactly. All right, what do we got? What do we got here? Did you guys see the third mummy where he went to Asia? No. I did. I think it came on like 08 with Jet Lee. With a different girl.

Do you remember? Did you remember? All right, maybe, am I hallucinating this? Did Tom Cruise make a mummy movie? Yeah, he did. He did. Yeah, but it didn't not come out, or did it come, it came out? Oh, it came out and it bombed.

Because they were going to do the monster universe. Like there was a whole part of it that had no audio, like a whole long part of it. No, no, no. That was the trailer. This is what I was going to bring up. Oh, okay. The trailer, when they, when they released the trailer, and it just had, it just had, like, Foley. And it had no sound effects, no soundtrack, no, like, narration.

It was just people falling and, like, ah. That show was amazing. That was the fucking, it's, it's to this day, how does that happen? I have no fucking idea. All you have to do is just watch it once before you fucking just push public, save. What's crazy to me is that? I don't know, man. People weren't doing that shit before.

People weren't doing shit like that in the 90s and the 80s. How do fuck you go and be in modern time and fuck shit like that up? Like, how do you not lose your job? In fairness, in fairness, the reason that stuff didn't use to happen is because the control of that, of what went on or what went up wasn't centralized in the way it is now. Like, if you sent out a trailer to, like, a TV station to, like, air, like. They would watch it before you air. They would watch it before to make sure that everything was fine because they had to, because it was their network that was on the line. It was just like, all right, well, and if something was, I guarantee you that they've probably received cuts of trailers that had no fucking audio before.

And they were like, all right, well, this is busted. We can't show this. But now it's like, it's just some dude who's the social media manager and they just upload a file. They just upload a file. Not even checking. It's right. Like, I, I've, I've uploaded episodes of the podcast where it's just like entire silences. Like, I, like, there's, there's, there's one of them was just you.

Yeah, it was just your audio. Yeah, there was one, there was one time where, like, I forgot to, uh, like, I had. everything edited correctly, but like I had it I had two of the tracks muted because I was like messing with audio and then I just forgot to unmute him and I rendered it and it was like oh this is a great episode of Chris talking

to himself and I was like, whoops but I'm also like one dude who's not like being paid Yeah, it's not like it's your sole job to be a fucking editor. Yeah, like if I did that at like a, if I was the editor for like another show like I would just lost my job

Like, you know. Yo, there's a video still up on my channel. It was sometime in 2016 when I was in Greece. And my notes were a little bit off screen. And I forgot to cut out this little segment where I leaned off screen just to look at my notes. And I was a little bit stuffy. So I sniffed.

And people were like, yo, dude, did you just fucking do a line? Like, they totally were like, dude, you just fucking sniff. And I was like, I was like, yes. Yeah, so what, dude? That's what keeps me going. Exactly. It's easy to get in Greece, man.

Yeah, the fucking cokeheads with their big noses. Good shit. All righty. Hey, I love the Greek people. We got two questions here. Two that I think are pretty related. So I'm going to read them both. Relatable.

Chris was never dropped as a baby because he was never held, Rodin. He says, Hello, Spiteful, Anorexic, Kwokine. Skellington, insightful pocket-sized Stevie Wonder, and Omega Chad Black Jesus. First-time patron, so there's a first-timer, and a long-time fan. Welcome. What's one series, be it a TV show, movie, video game, etc., that has been ruined for you because of the fans.

For me, it'd have to be Doctor Who. I fucking hate that show, because my friends never shut the fuck up about it. I used to be indifferent about it, but now I actively despise it, and the mere mention causes me great pain. And ironic robot wrote in, and he says, hello, Unconvicted, criminal trio. This podcast has kept me entertained during my workouts for a while now, and I have enjoyed his videos for the last four years. It's been great and continues to be great, so thank you. So here's my thank you via this Patreon subscription. Here's the question. Do toxic

slash and or cringe-worthy fandoms detract from your experience of a story, game, etc.? If so, what is that? I've, you know, I'm ready to go whenever you guys are. I let you guys go first. I mean, we've kind of been over this, but I wanted to answer. this, I wanted to answer him because he's a first time, uh, first time writer in, but, absolutely. All anime is ruined for me. Like, like, like, all anime. Like, I'm not even fucking, like, all anime is ruined. Like, I, like, it's hard for me, it's hard, it's so difficult for me to get into an anime that I know is, is, is probably good, uh, because I just feel so disgusting

for watching it. Because I, I, I've just seen so many. Just fucking, absolute fucking in secular bastards just running her like I have lost love for the black community because of anime Oh my God What does that? Yo.

What does that mean? Look at man. I kind of get it. You too. You too. He got it. I kind of get it a little bit. I'm not saying. Hey, yo man.

Hey, yo man. I don't know if this dude listens but my homie, heavenly controller. That dude, he's he just watches and reacts to anime and I'm like, I like the guy a lot, but I'm just like, man, this nigga, dude. I'm just like, there's just

something. There's just something. There's something there, man. That's just, I'm like, what? It's, I think it was a tool by a white man to destroy the blem. Anime? I can't deal with the fact that every single content creator that is of African-American

descent, African-descent, period. They're always talking about, yo, man, you don't tell me, You're talking about NAR's who ain't the coldest shit out there And particularly talking about the RDC world, the one group And they made it big, but yo, I can't even If I see a content creator that's African American, I go on a preview of the video

And as soon as I see anime, I'm like, no thank you And I go to the next video. That's so insane. No thank you. I'm sorry. That's so insane, though, because you watch anime. Not really. Not like I used.

Not like that, Chris. I used to watch anime. I admit that I was a huge anime fan when I was younger. And recently, as of very recently, I recently sat through the whole season of Demon's Siller. But I don't just watch anime like I used to. When I was younger, I used to actually sit down and I would watch episodes anime. I understand what you're saying. But I've walked into your room countless times, and I turned to my left and on screen...

And it's Dragon Ball or some shit on. On screen, it's videos about anime. It just is all the time. It's videos about Dragon Ball or something like that. Because Dragon Ball transcends anime. It definitely does. It does. It does.

People that argue it doesn't blows my mind. I understand that you're... Yeah. I agree that you're right, but still. Success starts with your drive. An American Public University is here to fuel it. With affordable tuition and over 200 flexible online programs, APU helps you gain the skills and confidence to move forward.

Whether you're changing. careers, starting fresh, or pursuing a lifelong passion. Our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire? APU will fuel the journey. Learn more at APU. APU.org One sweet, melty bite of a Hershey's bar and suddenly I'm right back sitting on the front porch with my grandmother on a slow summer afternoon. She doesn't say much, just breaks the bar in half and hands me a piece. I open my mouth to say whatever a nine-year-old wants to say. And she replies with a low, Listen.

So we sat there. Listening. That was the first time I learned that quiet can feel full. Hershey's. It's your happy place. It's still an. But still. But still.

But still the fact. But no, I get it though, dude. It's why I can't. I was recommended the best. Here's the best fight scene for Naruto. I thought it was very underwhelming. And I can't give it another shot just because. because of the fandom, dude.

I'm telling you that my favorite martial artist in the world, I conflicted with liking him because he's such a Naruto fanboy. Asania, right? Huh? Asanya? Israel? Yeah. Israel or Asana.

I was like, literally finding out he was a weeb was the double-edged sword of the century, bro. I was just like, I don't know if I like this dude no more. It's too much, man. Like, it's too much. He incorporates it. Look, people know. I mean, it's kind of, right, like, okay, obviously I'm a huge fan of As Effect.

I'm wearing this fucking Beanie and shit. Okay. But, like, I don't, it doesn't control my life. It, like, it doesn't like him. Oh, I'm going to get this fucking car because it looks like some evil character from Naruto. He fucking was doing the signs and shit before he fucking fight. I was like, no, no, I was like, no, I can't handle that shit. That was pretty good.

It's the only one. That's the only one I remember because when I was like in, I guess fucking in like 2008 I would make AMVs because that was the only thing that you could do. Hell yeah, with fucking Linkin Parker would. Yeah, you just put like Lincoln Parker would. For me it was like I used a lot of like Rise Against and like, but like I would like I would just like be like, oh man I want to edit stuff but I don't know how to I don't have any footage and I don't know how to download footage. But I did know how to Google anime fight Gifts and download those because those are so small like the file sizes. Yeah, yeah. I would just fuck around with them.

And I remember one specific gift that was just like just that specific thing. So I just remember it. It's in my fucking head. But, yo, dude, I can't, man. I really can't. I've really lost ties with the black community online because of anime. That's such a weird thing. I've really tried to distance myself from it because it's just like all of them, dude, all of them.

All pretty much. If you look up a black content creator right now, if they're not talking about hip hop, I swear to God they're talking about anime. I swear to literal God. And it's, I don't know what it is, but it's weird. It's weird. I don't know why.

It's just, fuck, bro. Yeah, like, I understand, I understand the, uh, there was, I've heard some, I've heard some, um, some black folks explain why they like Dragon Ball Z so much. And I feel like it's for the same reason, but everybody does, though. But, but they were explaining, like, the black community really fucks with Dragon Ball Z because there is so much strength within that. show and like it's one thing about like you know the black black Americans about being strong and being excellent and stuff and there was like ties to that that they were trying to say and I'm like

I can I understand that I don't really understand like the Naruto shit I don't understand like because I don't really know to be honest I don't know who it really that shit really appeals it just doesn't it doesn't do anything for me it's not I it's one of those shows that I know that there's a lot of women that really like that show. I'm not sure why. Like, I don't know what that means. I know exactly what it means.

I just don't want to say it because I feel like you guys aren't ready to hear it. I'm not going to say it, but I'm just saying, like, is it, because there's some, but it doesn't look like it's show like Sailor Moon that's designed for,

like women, you know what I'm saying? Like, but it has a huge large, like, almost designed for boys too, but yeah, I feel you.

It's, it's, it's, like, tuxedo mask is my boy. That's my, it's my homie right there. That's my fucking boy.

Like, my, the next band project I do is going to be called Tuxedo Mask. Like, I've already decided that. That's awesome. I love that. For the whole band. Yeah, I was like, dude, my band's name is going to be Tuxedo Mask. I don't know what the project is, but the next thing I do, that's what it's called. And I fuck with that shit heavy.

But, you know, with the, how they set it up and with the, and the marketing and stuff and being like a Sailor Scout and everything. It's definitely like a feminine, like, anime. I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that. I think, yeah, I don't know. Like, I never really, like, even when I did like Naruto for like the first couple episodes, like, I think I got, this won't mean anything to you, Derek, because it's like very specific. But like, I got up until the tuning exams. Like, that was when I stopped.

And I was like, I'm just over this. And I think, I don't know how many episodes that really is. Probably not too many. I don't think that's far in at all. Like 30 episodes maybe. Yeah. So it's like, hundreds of episodes. So basically, like, a season and a half, basically.

And like, I watched like a season and a half of it. I was like, oh, this is cool. Like, the hand signs are kind of cool and, like, Kunae knives are cool. And, like, you know, I get it. But, like, it got to a point where I was just like, this feels like, this feels like if Dragon Ball Z was trying to, was, like, trying too hard. This is like if Dragon Ball Z was, like, pretentious. I personally think Naruto and Dragon Ball Z are genuinely nothing alike, like, as shows.

I think they're a similar, and there's fan service with, like, there's definitely, like, an homage to Dragon Ball Z. Like the person that made Naruto, I think his name is a, um, I forgot. Wow, it's crazy. I forgot him. But like, you could tell, you could tell that like he was a fan of Dragon Ball. Like pretty much every other human has been a fan of Dragon Ball. No, Dragon Ball does transcend.

And I understand why, like, I mean, even, even in the Dragon Ball Dureg that fucking song by what's his face? Thundercat. Thundercat, yeah. Like, it's, it's, Dragon Ball is the. Dragon Ball Z specifically It really does It really does transcend Like every

Any kind of genre Because It's just so Intrinsically tied with culture I think in the same way That Spider-Man does Like Spider-Man You don't have to be a comic book fan

At all to like Spider-Man Like I liked Spider-Man Before I knew anything about him Because I remember I just like That's a cool I love that suit That was my first thing I was like that suit is bomb

I love that I don't know who that is But that's sick There's the Mount Rushmore of like there's Spider-Man, Batman, Batman, Wolverine, and Superman.

All those four people are like, they have different things that people that don't read comics don't watch anything, but they're like, oh, I fuck with this. Like,

you have fucking just tattoos and just, they're just like, oh, this person's dope. Wolverine's dope. Spider-Man's dope. I would say dokers up there too.

I would say dokers up there. I would say, yeah, he's getting there, but in a very school shooter way, though. You know what I mean? I would say... If you love Joker, I instantly judge you. I would say after...

I would say after the Dark Night, he became one of those characters. Absolutely. Absolutely. Because that's a character... I think before that, I think the marketing... What a fucking... There will never be... I bet there will never be a performance like that that really...

Because you're like, oh, the fucking guy from a knight's tail and ten things I hate about you? Like, that fucking guy? Yeah. Like, everybody had the lowest of the... Including myself, when I heard Heath Ledger, I was like... I was like, that guy? The guy that fucking, he does the dance. You ever see you're just too good to be true?

And he's like fucking like he's dancing on the bleachers and shit. And I'm like, that guy's going to be Joker, that heart throb. I would argue that's probably one of those performances. One of the best ones actually happened in that same year, which fucking, oh my God, Brian Cranston. He went from the dad on Malcolm in the middle to being like probably one of the greatest. dramatic but he wasn't but he

good point I give it to but not at that point oh he didn't start off that way and season three he was I was like

that is when you he's in dad that is fair but it did start in the same year like like even the first season

of Breaking Bad I was I was watching it recently I was like this is like if I if I can't just came from

Malcolm in the middle I would yeah I would still be really surprised by what I was saying it was such a nice fucking

foolish dad He's such a nice dumb dad in that show. Yeah. Guys, should I invest $40 into buying two action figures of Walter White? Why? Action figures? Yeah, I went to a, it was like a comic figure shop, you know, a collectible shop. I was at this mall by my doctor's office.

And there was two of them. And I was fucking around and making some like Instagram post or whatever, the stories. and I was like, at some point, it got to the point, I was like, dude, I need to buy them and just put them in a 69 position and leave them there. And then just... Oh, my God. I mean, come on, man. That's pretty dope, isn't it?

I can't buy action figures anymore if I can't figure I'm going to play with them. Success starts with your drive. An American Public University is here to fuel it. With affordable tuition and over 200 flexible online programs, APU helps you gain the skills and confidence to move forward. Whether you're changing careers, starting fresh, or pursuing a lifelong passion, our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire, APU will fuel the journey.

Learn more at APU.APUS.edu. One sweet, melty bite of a Hershey's bar, and suddenly I'm right back sitting on the front porch with my grandmother on a slow summer afternoon. She doesn't say much, just breaks the bar in half, hands me a piece. I opened my mouth to say whatever a nine-year-old wants to say, and she replies with a low

listen. So, we sat there, listening. That was the first time I learned that quiet can feel full. Hershey's, it's your happy place. That's me like, I'm not going to play with this. I can't use this. I like collecting shit, man. I have a lot of, I have a pretty cool display, but something, I forgot what stopped me. Oh, it was fucking raining. That's what it was.

Because I had to go back and I was like, oh, I'm going to get them today. And then it was fucking raining. I was like, I don't want to get out of my car and go get them. But I was dead set. I was like, dude, like just two. They're like, you know, they're like this big. They're probably like 12 inches or something. And there was 20 bucks.

And I was like, dude, why not? Just get two of them. Get two Walter White's and have them make out and shit. You know, pretty dope. Piss me off. Like, when I was a kid, I had enough money. But like I went to a, I went to like a dragon's den. And I found this, I saw this bust of,

Master Chief, like Halo 3 art style, like Master Chief, like, from the shoulder, like, from here, from here up. And it was, like, one of the best, like, artistic, like, this is, like, a really well-made fucking thing. And it was, like, for, like, 70 bucks. And I was like, I'm a kid. I shouldn't spend all that money. That's a really cool thing. But I'm sure I'll be able to get it in the future. They're not going to change the art style for no reason.

And that's one of the biggest things I fucking regret in my life. I was like, I should have just bought that fucking buck Because I bet that thing is like Now that I think about it Because I've looked on the internet for it It's like it's not even like a common thing I don't even know like where the fuck that would have even been sold And it like

You know how many things My uncle had This is gonna make you guys so mad My uncle when I moved from the York He gave this to me And I was like all right Thank you uncle Joe I appreciate who's my uncle that got me started like down the path

Like in comic books and D&D and all that junk He gave me a Mick Farlin Fucking black suit Spider-Man fucking statue and I broke it I broke it when we were moving from New York because I couldn't find anywhere to put

and I put it on top of something and it shattered that thing is worth over $4,000 right now thousands of dollars Well that thing isn't If I told him I broke that He would fry to California and fuck me up Yeah well he's gonna find out now

He probably still thinks I have it He was like Kingston is really important to me He gave it to me He had a spawn one and a Spider-Man one He was like Kingston choose one. I was like obviously Spider-Man. It's literally the, it looks like, you remember the first black issue of Spider-Man when he had like his hand,

his like, he was like a really like contorted position. He had like the light, the like blue lighting on his suit. I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah. It was that one, dude. That thing is worth so much fucking money right now.

Destroyed it when I was moving. Yeah. I was just like, damn. I'm even like thinking about shit. You're bringing up memories of me like fucking shit up there. Like I don't, I don't even like thinking about stuff like that.

It's so fucking terrible. I definitely have memories like that. I'm like, I don't like thinking about it because it just makes me angry. I don't even care about it for the money. Like, I don't collect things for money. Like, I have comic books that are worth, like, probably $1,000 a piece, you know. Yeah, you're not going to get rid of them. I don't care.

I don't care about how much they're worth. I just care about what it equates to, like, what it is. And that's what bothers me so much. I just let that shit get shattered. Yeah, it happens, man. I've always wondered, though, how much some of my shit is because, like, I think about, like some stuff that I have that's like older than dirt and I'm like oh maybe this would be but I never look into it because there is a certain point of me where I'm like I could be tempted if the price

is just exponentially high course or it's like oh I'm just like I'm not even going to look at it because I just like keeping my shit and sometimes I would like oh if something's like oh this is going for like 10 grand on eBay I'm like oh shit you know I'll start sweating if something's ridiculous like that then like yeah but like I'll say right off the bat every time I've sold something like that I've I've always, I've never, I've never felt good about it. I've always regretted it like years later. I'm like, oh man, I still, I wish I had like all the games that I traded into fucking GameStop for no fucking reason just to get my hands on.

You know, honestly, fuck GameStop. I hope it still goes out of business. Fuck those niggins. But. Good. Good. What's happening. Dude, I have, I have.

The thing about me is that like, those are things I'm going to pass on to my kids. Sure. And they better appreciate that shit, too. The comics are mine, and in one day, they're going to be my children. I'm not going to be here soon. I mean, eventually. So I'm going to give that to them. They're going to have that, and they can give to their kids.

You know, because I want to get a katana, too. And then I don't have a katana yet. My comic books are standing for my hairloom that passed down from me to my kids. I don't know, man. Like, I... I'm getting fucking sad thinking about all the shit that I sold for no good reason. Yeah, it's not... It's not good, man.

I've been down in the dumps tube, like, broke his shit. And I've sold some stuff that I'm like, I can't believe I fucking did that. But I had to. And you got dirt from it, and you got dirt from it, bro. Oh, yeah. I sold my Wii to GameStop. I saw my Wii to GameStop for $45. I could have at least just kept that for the virtual console itself.

Could I had all those games just available to me? I had, and I didn't realize this until fucking way later, because I found a picture of me with one with it. But I had a copy. I had like a cartridge of like I think it was like Mario 64 signed by fucking Miyamoto

or something or some crazy fucking thing some crazy thing that I happened across like it was just given to me and I was like success starts with your drive and American public university is here to fuel it with affordable tuition

and over 200 flexible online programs APU helps you gain the skills and confidence to move forward. Whether you're changing careers, starting fresh, or pursuing a lifelong passion, our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire, APU will fuel the journey. Learn more at APU. APU.orghs.edu. One sweet, melty bite of a Hershey's bar, and suddenly I'm right back sitting on the front porch

with my grandmother on a slow summer afternoon. She doesn't say much, just breaks the bar in half and hands me a piece. I open my mouth to say, whatever a nine-year-old wants to say. And she replies with a low, listen. So we sat there, listening. That was the first time I learned that quiet can feel full.

Hershey's, it's your happy place. I don't have an N64. So I just left it somewhere. Like I was like, I don't need this. Like, I can't even play this. I think about that. I'm like,

Fuck You If I could go back and kill him If I could go back and kill that child I would do it This ring his neck, dude Girl, you know how much that's worth? You know what?

You know what, no, not even how much that's worth monetarily, you know how much that is worth? Period. Like, spiritually, like, fucking metaphysically, you know how much that shit is worth? Yes, that's a big fucking deal. I'm very aware of it. No, it's not a big deal.

It's a huge deal, dude. I didn't know who Miyamoto was I was like a child You're a stupid kid How could you know I didn't know I swear to you I didn't even know

Video games were really made like that Like I thought Like when I was a kid My conceptual My conception of video games It was like Oh This is like

A thing that I put in a machine And it takes me somewhere Real cool That's probably real somewhere But not here I thought they were Pokemon in Japan Well and back in the day

They didn't I mean They never They don't treat They didn't treat like Game directors As like they need to do with movies and shit Like say especially in movies they

On the cover art The director's names on the fucking thing Yeah yeah Like or like a book or something But the video games They never got like that respect And the only time I learned about these fuckers names Is be reading some shit in like game informer or something

Or Nintendo Power Yeah and that was it This was way before I even started reading that shit Like I still didn't even understand really What a video is game was and it wasn't until it wasn't even because this is a fucking Super Mario 664 cartridge

you know like I'm I was born in 1993 I was like five you know like I had no fucking idea it just gives it to me because you're like oh you like video games right I was like yeah I play like NES and I I know I know that I like when the buttons do things

you know but like I don't know what the fuck I'm doing I don't know if this is real this is like you know I didn't know groups of people just got together to make this shit And like, it wasn't until, like, I think, like, maybe I was, like, seven or, like, eight that I started getting, like, game informers and shit and started, like, oh, so they make this. And it's like, okay. And this is, like, what an art, what art directors are. And, like, oh, multiplayer is a thing. That's cool.

But, like, I didn't know. Like, I think even the first time I even thought about the fact that games were directed by anybody was, was probably like Metal Gear Solid 2. And Kojima's name was in the beginning credits. And I was like, oh, what? This game has opening credits? I didn't even think about that shit until like maybe I was like 13 I didn't really start putting shit like that together I was only thinking about that because that was around the time

that I started getting into video editing and so I knew like oh credits I knew what credits are I know what that's supposed to be and then like I'm seeing my cousin play fucking Middle Gear Solid 2 and like this dude's name is coming up directed by and I'm like what the fuck this game is directed You know that actually that makes me jog my memory with

when I really started diving deep into shit like that Yeah, because I was looking at like composers of like the music music of the soundtracks. And when there was Street Fighter Collection 2, and then those are like, say, you know, the Giles theme goes with everything, that version was on that one. And everybody's songs, all their theme songs, their stage songs got remixed. And they were so good, I would just pop in my PlayStation 1 CD and put in my fucking my disc men

and I would just play it everywhere. And I was like, dude, who fucking made this shit? And I started looking up and I'm like, this fucking. this asshole is a genius. And I can't even like, I think about how much of a genius you have to be to make hit after hit that transcend, like decades later, it still holds up. It's like, oh, this shit, this melody, this tune. Like, what are they doing?

Are you just, like, sitting in your fucking office chair and you're like just, like, how does it even begin? Yeah, you're just like humming. Some people's brains is more tune to sound. Huh? The Mario sound? Like, whoever fucking made that? fucking um oh jee dun dun dun like that like who the fuck was just like in their house just like i got it i got it that shit so interesting to me man it's crazy man the orchestra version of that

song is so fucking upbeat and insane and i'm like how did you what type of shit what kind of sorcerer you made a pact you made a pact with something that's like that's like yeah Whenever Marty O'Donnell tells the story of how like the Halo theme was written and he was like, oh man, they just came to this dude three days before they were going to show the game off on stage at like a presentation that Steve Jobs was putting on in like 1999. They were going to show the game off. And then they come to him and it's like, hey, I'm going to need like a song for this in three days. I needed to sound like ancient and like alien and like. mysterious if you could just do that real quick thanks and then like in like

three days on the drive home he just came up with the halo theme and it's like how the fuck do you do that how do you just do that like on the way to the place you're going you just oh I've just invented one of the most iconic success starts with your drive

and American public university is here to fuel it with affordable tuition and over 200 flexible online programs APU helps you gain the skills and confidence to move forward. Whether you're changing careers, starting fresh, or pursuing a lifelong passion, our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire, APU will fuel the journey.

Learn more at APU.apus.edu. One sweet, melty bite of a Hershey's bar, and suddenly I'm right back sitting on the front porch with my grandmother on a slow summer afternoon. She doesn't say much, just breaks the bar in half and hands me a piece. I opened my mouth to say whatever a nine-year-old wants to say. And she replies with a low, listen. So we sat there, listening.

That was the first time I learned that quiet can feel full. Hershey's, it's your happy place. Soundscapes in the entirety of video games, and it's just like I was just going to work. Like, that's fucking insane. That's like a different wavelength. That's a different species of person. I don't know how you do that.

Yeah, I've been thinking, about this very recently that I was like, I want to create something that transcends myself entirely, like the way that Jack White created Seven Nation Army, where that thing is, it's a national, it's everything now. And I was like, what can I do? I want to even attempt it. And I feel like you can't. It has to be an accident.

Yeah. Like you just make something and then it just catches on. Like something happens to your body. You can't do it. I feel it. You can't do it. You can't do it on purpose. That's because like even like the thing that I noticed is like I've probably already done that thing already.

Because I, because I made this fucking stupid meme. I woke up out of my bed. I was like, oh, this is, that's a good image. I'm going to make this image in Photoshop. And I just did the LOL nice reach thing. And now I see it like in fucking like I see it in like Japanese foreign pop. forum posts and shit. And it's just,

wow. I've spent, like, my whole career, like, making content online, and the, the most transcendent thing

that I've made is a stupid fucking halo meme. That's just a fucking image macro. It's a fantastic meme, man. It is a good one. But, but, but I didn't think that it would,

you know, that's wild. You wouldn't be, that's, that's, that has been, like, one of my,

without, there was never an image before you made it. But that's been one of my favorite things to say, like just be like oh dude that's a better reach than Halo like so once it was immortalized

the people were waiting for it because that was definitely like I'm looking up to know your meme thing for it I bet I'm not does it actually give you I bet I'm not mentioned but I swear I made it if you if you Google if you find like the earliest post of that image it's going to be a tweet of mine if my fucking account wasn't nuked

you could see like fucking early in my Twitter of me saying shit like that. Like, because it's like, it's like a, it's a thing that just makes so much fucking sense to say.

And then, but like, there was no, definitely was no image. I 100% believe that you made it. Like, because it literally wasn't there. And then I remember you saying you made it.

And then I was like, I remember one day needing it. And I'm just like, and I'm just thinking like, that's funny. I wouldn't, I know the guy that made this. I wouldn't take credit for making something so stupid.

I've, dude, I've done that, like, I didn't. When 9 gag and all that shit was like at the top of its game, they would steal shit all the time. And I remember I made one of the dumbest fucking like Drake memes. Like the, you know, the no, yeah, I forgot what it was.

But then they just stole it and put 9 gag on it and it went fucking viral. And I'm like, oh, cool, thanks guys. Yeah. A bunch of pieces of sacks. A bunch of assholes is stealing your fucking creation. That's hilarious to me. I just hate like one. I love Simpson shit posting community because there's almost no credits.

And no one gives a shit. It's just about making shit post. So, like, there isn't, like, this whole thing about, I'm going to put my name on. I'm going to put my stamp on it and be like, oh, this is part of the Simpsons factory fucking page. You know, they put their watermark on it. Yeah. That shit doesn't exist. It's just people making shit.

And then you'll rarely see credit because it, and I love it. It's because, like, that's what it's all. That's what memes have always been about for me. We're just, you're just putting shit out into the ether. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, shit posting takes a particular kind of mentality. I don't have that mentality for shit posting.

I can barely say ignorant shit every day before it starts taxing me. And I'm like, bro, I got to stop saying N word so much on Twitter. And I like, I chill out. And I'm like, I can't say this today. I got to calm down. But like, the shit posters, they have like a certain kind of like, like sort of like I want to see shit burn. I like fire type mentality. Like, I'm just going to go for it again.

I'm going to put this out here. I know it's going to hurt someone deeply. But fuck that person. I would do it again. I like it, man. I stop myself all the time. Like, I stop myself all the time. I did great until I did that Donald Trump shit.

And that was mild, though. Like, it wasn't even like, it was a shit post, but it was mild. And I'm just like, I knew the risk, whatever, knew the risk. But at the same time, in hindsight, here's also something that's really fucking. Okay, so. You threatened. Look, man. Look, man.

But it's still. Derek, I know what you meant. I know how you didn't think. It's a joke. It's a joke. I get it. But you got to understand the mask you're wearing. You know, if you walk around with a clan mascot or a clan outfit,

spout in the N-word, you got to understand people, we're going to perceive you. Dude, I get it. You see that video? The dude is dressed as the fucking Ice King from Adventure Time walking into a GameStop. No. And he's like, we're going to ask them if, I can't remember. He goes like, I'm going to ask him if something, something. And then it hard cuts to him in his car.

It's like, they kicked me out because they thought I was a Klansman. What? You would think the people at GameStop fucking watch Adventure Time, dude. That's what he said. That's what he said. He was like, How does someone work at GameStop and not know who the fucking Ice King is?

That's fucking wild, dude. That's wild. Oh, my God. That's hilarious. That is funny. That is really funny. I'll send it to you guys after. But fucking,

oh, man. God damn game stuff. See, that's exactly why they fucking failed, dude. GameStop is so terrible, man I really actually genuinely can't stand those dudes Like I wish that company the worst Yeah

GameStop I hate them GameStop is weird Because I'm like nostalgic for it And I have like good memories of it technically Because it was just like the only place That I could go that I would be surrounded by the shit That I really loved a lot

But They just ripped me off so much And uh... You know, fuck them There's only one thing I saw man I bought a Firelink Bonfire

You know A Dark Souls Bonfire From GameStop I'll give them that Sometimes they have some cool shit On the walls And I was like Oh it's cool

I haven't seen this anywhere And it just lights up It's a little other deed thing It's pretty cool But video games Suck my dick Except for When the games are like

Two bucks Even some used games are just like I don't Don't fucking never You can't trade in that sheet You fucking kidding me Like that's what Like God

That is such an ass fucking. Like, that's fucking like eight inches dry, dude. Like, it's so sad. It's so sad. It's so sad. It's so sad. It's so sad. You spend $50 on a video game and then you bring it back the next day.

Get $7. Be like, I don't like this. Yeah, we'll give you fucking $8. That's so sad. I remember some guy bought the Fallout, the PS4 with Fallout. He bought it the night before. It came out the night before.

He was like, can I return this? The guy was like, I can. give you a hundred dollars for that he was like i bought this last night for five hundred dollars he's like i'm sorry that's the best i could do and he was i was like dude do not sell that back man i don't feel you know i don't feel for them it sucks it sucks for the for that reason it sucks for the people who have to do that you know like the i don't blame the workers obviously it's like they're just following them too now they just got to do they're doing what they're doing what they're fucking told to do it's just why it just sucks

to be that like because I remember I wanted to work at GameStop because I was like oh why the fuck wouldn't I want to work at a game store and then you just realize how much how much you have to fucking screw people over just constantly like you want the fucking rewards card the power up rewards card like everybody's only $15 like I'm not giving you my money bitch use my fucking point that you fucking took

you stole shit from me you bitch you stole from me you stole from me anyway now's about the time where we should probably stop you fucking stole for me oh wow yeah we're over two we're over two here Yeah, we fucking blazed through this shit. Yeah, we really did.

All right, well, uh, fucking hell yeah. We got some questions for next week then. For sure, for sure. Stockpiled. Uh, well, guys, if you liked what you heard today, consider supporting us over at patreon.com slash the snark tank. Uh, we got some goodies over there. We've got some threads for you.

There's going to be some exclusive solo podcast coming this month, too. I already recorded mine, so mine's going to be up in, I think, I'm going to do mine soon. I've been feeling much better, man. You guys have the, The document, right? Yeah. The solo document?

Yeah. Got the documents. Yeah. Just go through, while you're going through that, just erase the questions as you go through them. Just so I can like constantly populate them with new shit. But yeah, that's the thing that happens. We got a Discord server over there. But obviously, you know, $1 a month gets you early access to every episode.

$5 gets you a question read on the show. $10 gets you access to our Discord server. There was a little bit of confusion with this. It's not $10 per month for access to the digital. Discord. Like the second you qualify for the tier, you're in. You don't have to consistently pay $10 for just to stay in the Discord. That'd be insane. I saw some questions about that. And obviously, $25 gets your name dyslexically read at the end of the show, which I will now do. Count me down. Three, two, one.

Designated divorce paper delivery dude. Chris was never dropped as a baby because he was never held fucking kill me Chris I'm so sorry I made you say subscribe to Dr. Purple on YouTube last week I didn't know you would be in the process of dying Chris don't die what the hell oh uh you said in schmucks podcast three that you would fuck a spy kid what a spy kid's thumb person I never said that what's going on here that is an animation that you can go look up it's actually a great animation for on a Zach's channel Holman Brown 98 Diego Andres Hernandez uh hey boss, can you follow me on Twitter, please.

Ryan Luchessey, I'm charging one letter every week to try and glib Chris brain aneurism, sloshy scout, Atrosone, Tom Sweeney, the Nutrocious Alien Fucker. Please check out my podcast. It's called How Did We Even Get Here Every Thursday? Leroy Jenkins. I'm not reading off

the name list anymore. This is a bit of a tangent, but I do like to eat out of a bowl on the ground every on. You guys don't know how to type. Yeah, I don't even know what the hell that was. Yeah, I think it was supposed to be something longer.

Can you even see my eyes? I can't see him at all. You can see my smile a little bit. A little teeth. Tall vampire lady with a strap on, a hard hat skydiver. Chris has a high voice for a lesbian, absolute wagon, Lord Gavin, all knew all different.

Paul Joseph Watson after he learned the Donkey Kong ground pound, yabba-dabba domestic abuse. Pretty good. That's pretty good. I was cock-blocked by a turtle. Alaskan oil field trash. Chris would be a twink. he grew up

a little more Catholic not Ian Brandon Anderson, not an FBI agent, Juan Punchman, Marcus Shorten, Mr. Fuck, Jim Crow's daddy issues, Abusi, the Time Sweeper, legendary knight

Enceliot? Sure. Ah, man, I'm too dyslexic for that. Papa Nurgle, Congresswoman. I look like a living Cheeto, bro. I read this. So I read this in the last episode, the Dark Tank, and it cracked me up, and I don't know why. Congresswoman Magic the Gathering.

What? What is that? I don't know. Danny DeVito's perfectly preserved penis. I let Paul touch me, murder ascended. Oh, my God. What? You look like a fucking...

You look like a Simpsonian imp. You look like an old lady. It seems like somebody's pissing all over you, bitch. Yo, you look disgusting. David Connolly, the dyslexic that feels Chris's pain, Dunderhead, red lobster, brothel, endless shrimp, and... You see, buffet?

To be honest, they don't smell the same. All right, I'm reading names. Don't try not to talk, at least. Or I'll kill you. Oh, my God, it's just absolute hell. Where'd you go? Lobotomized Jesus is my drooling divine savior. Haco, Moto Zealot,

Russian name that alludes to eating ass, if I recall correctly. Hiroshima's spicy mushrooms. Adam Carolla, sipping cola, sniffing yola, banging cholas and shouting yolo, grand wizard of the cool kids club. A level one cleric,

Derek's unyielding sex drive, dummy thick Dave, heartless wretch, aka the black man from Staten Island, Uncle Tony's Pizzeria and Abortion and Abortioning and Aborussian Come inside my tummy, jolly old dipshit, Hugger, Dark, the movie theater assistant manager, Ethereum, Mr. Butterfield McCormacunt,

the Progerian hunter, deflated left ass cheek, all hands on dick, Arrow, Sunny Chance, New Melfus went, New Culebrone, Richter 86, and as always to round things off, King of haphazard. Thank you all for your continuous support of our show, even though we're late sometimes, and sometimes we all get sick at once.

That was unfortunate. I got fucked up, son. I got real fucked up. I wasn't well either. I only just got better, like, a couple hours. It felt drained. I felt somebody drugged me twice. No, this may sound crazy, but I bought a new mattress a month ago, and I think it was fucking me up, dude.

I think there was something in it. because I took it out two nights ago and I feel way better now. Like, it doesn't make sense. Dude, I thought I was dying. Like, I just, I was, my fucking sinuses were bleeding and shit. I felt terrible. I've had inflammation.

I was like, dude, what's wrong with me? I went to the doctor's like, we don't know. Get out of here. And then I took this thing out. Fuck out of here, man. I took it out and I feel better, dude. It makes no sense. Get the fuck out of here.

We don't know. That'll be it. We'll see you next week for another episode of the Snarton. Take care. Awweta. Afweta. One of our women's to a beach. Beach.

Dad, tomorrow can we start a band? Can we become robots? Affirmative. Can we go crab battling? That isn't a thing. How about swimming? Dad. Can we?

Take an app. You not off and I'll pick up the shop and deal. Deal. While you do the important things, we'll do the essentials. Book your free click and collect slot at tesco.e or in-app. Tesco, every little helps. Terms and conditions apply. Success starts with your drive.

An American Public University is here to fuel it. With affordable tuition and over 200 flexible online programs, APU helps you gain the skills and confidence to move forward. Whether you're changing careers, starting fresh, or pursuing a lifelong passion. Our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire, APU will fuel the journey. Learn more at APU.APUS.edu.

So what do this animal... And this animal? And this animal? Have in common? They all live on an organic valley farm. Organic valley dairy comes from small organic family farms that protect the land and the plants and animals that live on. from toxic pesticides, which leads to a thriving ecosystem and delicious, nutritious milk and cheese.

Learn more at ovi.coop and taste the difference.