The Squeeze - Abby Romeo: Life With Autism

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

In this week’s episode, the Lautners sit down with "Love on the Spectrum" star Abbey Romeo and her mother, Christine! Abbey shares her experience of being on the hit Netflix show, while Christine opens up about how she felt with Abbey joining the series. Abbey tells us what it was like growing up with communication disorder autism and shares about her relationship with fellow "Love on the Spectrum" star David! She also explains why Ariel from Disney's "The Little Mermaid" is her favorite character and how she has learned to express herself through her love for music.Be sure to find Abbey on Instagram https://instagram.com/hatsbyabbey/.To email us your questions or share your story, you can reach out to [e-mail] sure to rate, review, and follow the podcast so you don't miss an episode! Plus, follow us on Instagram:The Squeeze:  https://instagram.com/thesqueeze/Tay Lautner: https://instagram.com/taylautner/Taylor Lautner: https://instagram.com/taylorlautner/& TikTok:  https://tiktok.com/@thesqueezepodcastTo learn more from The Lemons Foundation, follow  https://instagram.com/lemonsbytay/ and visit lemonsbytay.comEpisode Sponsors:Right now, Tonal is offering our listeners $200 off your Tonal purchase with promo code SQUEEZE at Tonal.com.Go to Seed.com/THESQUEEZE and use code 25THESQUEEZE to get 25% off your first month.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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and sunnichars. The following podcast is a dear media production. I'm Abby, but my real name is Abigail, but people call me Abby for short. And are you on the spectrum, Abby? Yes. You have been on my wish list of people to have on this podcast for a very long time. How old were you when you got diagnosed? Two and a half. What type of autism were you diagnosed with? Communication problems. Am I part of autism awareness? I think you really are, Abby. I think you're really showing a lot of people who you are and having a great life. And other people in the spectrum don't talk at all. Was it hard growing up with autism?

Yeah, because my brain wouldn't do what I was telling it to do. I used to identify with Ariel and the Little Mermaid. Yes. Because she wanted to be where the people were. Just like how I wanted to be where the typical kids were. Did you ever think you would be on a Netflix show? You're my best boyfriend in the world, David. You make me feel like a princess, like a romance.

Yeah, you're the best girlfriend in the world. When life gives you lemons, what do you do with them? Over here at The Squeeze, we talk about it. Abby, Christine, welcome to The Squeeze. Welcome. Thank you for being here. I can't tell you how excited I am right now because you have been on my wish list

of people to have on this podcast for a very long time. So I'm just like overjoyed right now and just so excited. This is super cool. Yeah. So nice to finally meet you. Yeah.

So nice to meet you too. We were just talking before and you're actually, you're a fan of Taylor's because of a movie that he did. And he was in Twilight. Yeah. Did you watch that?

No. Yeah. So just Shark Boy. Shark Boy and Lava Girl. Yeah. 2005. What would you say is your favorite part in that movie? The Land of Milk and Cookies because cookies are so good.

I know. I agree. I wish I had some. I thought cookie monster would have loved that place. For sure. Because he loves cookies. I'm going to ask him that when I go to Sesame Place. Yes, you should.

Let us know what he says. Yeah. Okay. Maybe we'll bring him son. Yeah. All right. I'm sure you know someone there. We can get some cookies.

I know somebody at the Luson. of milk and cookies. Max's parents. Yes, Max's parents. His mother and dad? Mr. Electricidad. Ooh. That was George Lopez.

Yes. Who played Marissa? Sasha Petrus. Oh, yeah, the Ice Princess. Yeah. Yeah, she's great. We love her. She's been on this podcast.

She has? Yes. Yeah. Look at that. You're following in her footsteps. She's about in her late 20s. Yep. I think she's a couple years older than me, but she's very close to my age.

I'm going to trust you on that. But she's a year younger than my boyfriend. Okay. Wow. Well, let's dive into all of that. We do. So we start each episode with a little game. It's called Citrus Got Real.

So this jar here, it has a bunch of little questions. Are those real lemons? No, unfortunately. Don't tell anyone. That's our secret. Let's not spill the beans. Yeah, that's not. If one of you want to pull a question out of there, either one, Abby or Christine, feel free.

Do it. It's a big decision. All right. Oh, that's the one. What favorite vegetable? Favorite vegetable. Do you have a favorite vegetable? Mine is air fried broccoli.

Okay. Do you like it not air fried? But at least they're healthier than milk and cookies. That is true. And they make you live longer. Yes. That is very true. Do you like broccoli if it's not air fried?

I like it in the air fry. Same with air fried cauliflower. They're both pretty good. I don't know if I've tried that before. I, yeah. We need to use our air fryer. It's the best. It's so good.

Okay. Like game changer. Wow. Yeah. Air fried broccoli is like candy. Yeah. I don't know what it is. It's pretty good.

Yeah. You know, I feed my dog mixed canned vegetables and chicken and rice. Oh, yum. It's good. He or she? She. She eats good. Her name's Clementine.

Clementine. That's a cute name. She's the cutest dog ever. What kind of? What kind of she? She's a bassetown, German Shepherd, American Pitbull Terrier, and Rottweiler. Okay. Wow.

So she's big. She's medium size. There's some dogs bigger than her and some dogs smaller than her. You know how much she weighs? I don't. 70 pounds? Like 75. Okay.

That's pretty big. Yeah. She's kind of a big dog. Yeah. That's a little bit bigger than ours. Yeah. Wow. I love that.

Clementine. Clementine. I'd love to talk a little bit about love on the spectrum. Did you ever think? you would be on a Netflix show? No, I didn't think of a I would be on a Netflix show until this, until

the year of 2021. Yeah. Were you a little nervous for it at first? To me, David, because he was a new person to me, but then I got, took a while for me to get to know him better. Yeah, for sure. Christine, were you, what were your thoughts when Netflix approached you?

How was that? Well, first of all, we didn't know what it was and it wasn't Netflix. It was northern pictures. So it was a guy during the pandemic, zooming us, that for all I knew, was down by the river in a van. I mean, I didn't know who he was or what it was. I just figured, oh, we'll talk to these people and see what it is. Yeah.

So it was three or four, you know, Zoom calls. And at the end of the fourth Zoom call, they said, oh, by the way, this is for a network that starts with the letter N, and it's not NBC. And I'm like, wait a minute, what? This is Netflix? And it's like, guy in the van down by the river. is doing a show for Netflix?

And I was like, oh, okay. And then Love on the Spectrum came out in Australia, season one. So I was able to kind of get an idea of, oh, what is this thing he's doing? Yeah. And we had a conversation about whether it was a good fit or not, because I didn't know what their intentions were and reality is scary, documentary is scary. Are they going to be cool, protect us? Are they going to be on our side or is this going to be salacious?

Yeah, what are you looking for? What are you doing? And so because I'm kind of the middleman. Yeah. It was an awkward position to be in. Yeah. And at one point, I remember they, months had gone by. We had these great calls and they said this.

And then I didn't hear anything. And I thought, well, they're still interviewing people. So clearly they don't want to use her. And I felt very motherly. And I was like, I'm going to write to that guy. And I'm going to say, oh, by the way, we've had a schedule change. And we can't really. We're not available anymore to do this project with you.

Like I literally had written a draft. And then I deleted it. Oh, you did. You didn't say that. I didn't send it. It's a good thing. Just had to get it out. Sometimes you just got to get things out.

Yeah, exactly. But I had that protective thing. It's kind of a weird position to being because I know a little bit about the business. Yeah. I just felt protective of her. And then that first date, we did a lot of stuff in the house, but that first date, just, you know, it was 100% unscripted. Gloves are off. Anything's going to happen.

Yeah. So I had a driver there, and David's sisters drove him to that location. And they sort of put us in the bushes, like off to the side. at that wildlife sanctuary. We could hear it, but we couldn't see it. Yeah. We could hear what we couldn't see why. We, Alice and Aubrey and I could hear your first date with David, but we couldn't see you guys.

So you were just listening. You could hear our voices? Yeah, we could hear your voices. And it was just the rest. You've seen it. Wow. It was really, we were laughing a lot back in our little alcove area where they put us. Yeah, it was really fun.

But it's scary. Oh, I bet. I mean, yeah. Abby, were you pretty nervous or did you know that you wanted to do the show? I was a little nervous, but the show seemed to have been a blessing in disguise. Yeah. How so? Well, it's because when I was a kid, I used to feel left out in the cold. I felt very isolated and alone because as an adult, I knew that I wouldn't feel left out anymore. I would be accepted and I'd be able to fit in.

Yeah. Was it hard growing up with autism? Yeah, because my brain wouldn't do what I was telling it to do. Yeah. And I used to identify with Ariel and the Little Mermaid because she wanted to be where the people were. Yeah. Just like how I wanted to be where the typical kids were. When she finally got to land and became human, she couldn't talk. That's how I felt. I felt like I couldn't talk.

How old were you when you got diagnosed? Two, two and a half. Okay. What type of autism were you diagnosed with? communication problems. Okay. That's the type. I'm sure other people on the spectrum don't have that.

They're words come out easily. Okay. And other people in the spectrum don't talk at all. Yeah. Yeah, that's something I feel like we've learned. That's why at my autism school, there were four different types of programs for the levels of autism. Okay. So what level were you?

More job training. I was in Village Club, but then my mom had to take me out and put me in Bridgeport for vocational training. Okay. How was that, mom? It was pretty good. She said it so perfectly. So back in the day before 2013, when the diagnostic code was different than it is today, you had pervasive

developmental disorder, autism, autism spectrum, and then you had Asperger. So at least you could sort of support people with different skill sets because there are such a vast array. And after 2013, the DSM-5 changed. That's the diagnostic code to say- No, I think it was 2011, 2012. No, it was 2013. Oh, yeah.

It was. That's when they changed it. But thank you. You're good with dates. And then you should take me out of the academic and put me in job training. Right. So for Abby, there was so many, the whole other episode we could do on education and stuff. But the bottom line was regular academics for some people with autism that process information differently,

a generalized education isn't appropriate. It just isn't. Yeah. Learning about Western civilization, which, by the way, you can Google now. So the job training. training and life skills was way more important. And I think there's those types of learners. And then there's, but Abby had communication problems.

Learning language and communicating and fitting in was very, very difficult. So what we see now is not where we were. And I think sometimes people misunderstand our story or my part in her story because they think Abby was always like this. Right. You're just too protective and let her go do her thing. And it's like, I wish, because I would sell my house and move to Tennessee if I could just go, you know.

Yeah. So the education thing was very, very important, and there are different levels. But today we call it all spectrum. We call it low support or high support. And those supports, in some cases are undefined. I think they should be defined because Abby had more obvious needs. Yeah. So it's easier to treat.

But lower support level of people, I think it's a gray area, and those supports need to be developed. Okay. You see, it's changed since really social media has really changed the sort of way we look at it and expand it and helped a lot of people because a lot of people that I think are different processors now are understanding that so that they can, you know, get interventions or services or understand how their mind works so that they can, you know, have an easier life. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. When she was first diagnosed, did you, did you have a feeling that was coming? Was that like a scary time for you? What did that time look like? I mean, I'll never forget the moment when I was standing in Susan Siegel's kitchen and her son, we had our babies at the same time. You mean Michael Siegel? Yeah. We were standing in her kitchen and her son, they were almost the same age. He looked up, he saw an apple and he said, apple, apple, and he was pointing. And I just was staring at her interaction with her son and saying, wow, look what he's doing.

That's genius because she didn't do that. And there was something about pointing and abbing, even if it was the wrong word, a word for the thing you wanted. And she didn't do that. And I said, oh, I didn't do that. Yeah. Why is that? Because you didn't have the language yet. You do now. Oh, yeah. Was I nonverbal then? Nope, you weren't nonverbal. You always had words. Oh. But so that was a sign. You know, I said, oh, that's interesting. And I'm not a kid person. I wasn't around kids. She was my first. It was a whole new world for me. And there was that. And then she would wake up in the middle of the night and be up for the night, like 2 a.m. up. And I remember thinking, wow, why isn't her brain shutting off? That's the way I, layman's terms called it.

Yeah. Like she's up for the day. She's not just hungry or has a wet diaper. She is up. And so that meant I was up. Yeah. That was challenging, darling. Does that happen to all kids on the spectrum?

Sometimes sleep can be a big issue. Really? Regular sleep patterns. So there was definitely some things that were not adding up. And it was so hard. I literally just blame myself and said, I don't know about this mother thing. like, wow, these other people must be real warriors because I'm doing something wrong.

And I think that's a feeling a lot of parents feel like, what am I doing wrong? I must be doing something wrong. Because everything you're experiencing is just so different, unique. You didn't read about it. You didn't know about it. So boom, here you are. And so that I put her in preschool. And it was the preschool call, which I say on Love on the Spectrum, season one, which was when they called me and said, she can't come here. Why couldn't I go? You know why. Because I was putting everything in my mouth, including rabbit poop. Oh, no. Oh, that's not good.

I really did. Now, the amazing thing is we actually can sit here and laugh about this. I put rocks, sand, leaves, rabbit poop. Oh, my gosh. You should have stuck to the milk and cookies. That would have been better. Milk and cookies is so good. And speaking of cookies, Cookie Monster would eat stuff that wasn't food in the episodes.

That's right. Did he have tactile input? I guess so. He would even eat. He ate a box of cereal, then he ate cereal, and then he ate the box. He's so silly. Hopefully no rabbit poop. Yeah.

Oh, definitely no. But that's part of occupational therapy. The tactile input, filling your body in space. I've learned so much in my 24 years in the therapy rooms that, although I don't, you know, I didn't go to school for OT or this, But when you have hours in each one of the different therapies and you can look at it as a whole, I think it's a unique perspective. Yeah.

Because not all kids are sensory seeking. And some kids are more sensory seeking. And it's more of a sensory-based spectrum experience. Yeah. Others have a language-based autism. And so if we can't call it what it is, how do we treat it? Yeah. If we can't say this person has a trouble with their expressive language in their autism,

how do you support them? If someone, I've made up a term, which is just my way of trying to explain it to people, our low support needs have what I call internalized autism. They don't present differently. But on the inside, there's all kind of stuff going on with anxiety, life skills, organizational thinking, and they're now on the spectrum. But how do you help someone if we just say spectrum? Low support needs.

I'm trying to help take that experience and share it so that we can create. some better therapies. Yeah. You know, but that was around, you know, two and a half was, was at that preschool was when that preschool said, go for a diagnosis, something is not right. Interesting. When did they diagnose me? You were about two years, four months, I think.

Wow. Maybe five months. Yeah. And then after that, is that when you started doing like the different forms of therapy or how? I did. And I sat there in the room of this doctor and she said, all of her behaviors are consistent with autism and I just kept saying, no, no, no, you're wrong, you're wrong.

She's smart. She can memorize books. She can hear a dog a mile away. She has an incredible sense of direction. She's very attached to me. I thought people with autism weren't attached. She was so attached to me. Remember, Abby, we talk about that.

You were like, she couldn't sit in a single therapy unless I was in the room. Well, what would I do if you weren't there? You tell me. I would scream if my mom weren't there. Like if I ran out the office at my speech therapist office, I would start screaming and have meltdowns. Aw. She did.

Did I ever have tantrums? I wouldn't call them tantrums as much as meltdowns, which is dysregulation. It's coming from a different place. They're different, right? Yeah, I think they're different. That's my opinion on it. What's the difference? I think a tantrum is usually led by when you want something and you can't have it or you want

something to go a certain way or you don't want to finish swimming in the pool. But a meltdown is when you have anxiety and sadness. Speaking of anxiety, Piglet from Winnie the Pooh has that. Is that true? Yeah, that's what they say. Yeah, I think all of the characters are like a different emotion. What does Rabbit have? Oh, okay.

I said that not knowing. I know like Eeyore is depression. Tigger has ADHD. Yes. Like what my brother Ben has. He has what Tigger has. Okay. Who has an eating disorder.

Yes. He likes his honey. He likes his honey. Yes, he does. Wait, so pig. Piglet is, Piglet has what? Anxiety.

Piglet has anxiety. I didn't know that. And what's Tigger? ADHD. Wow. Isn't there a rabbit too? Yeah, that's what she asked you if you know. Does you have dyslexia?

Oh, maybe. Or is that owl? I have to watch it again. Yeah, what about Kingett and Roo. Yeah, that's what I can't remember. Who's the boy? Christopher Robin. Christopher Robin.

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the squeeze at checkout. You guys need to try this product. Let me know how much you love it because I know you're going to. It's truly changed my life. Are you still doing your therapy today? Is that part of your life? Yeah, I'm still in a therapy called brain and memory therapy. Okay. What do you do at that? The way the type of autism I have is I put good things together and bad things together. That's just the way my mind works. Oh. Can you give me an example of that? Like how does that work? Like, for example, let me think about this one. Do you want me to help you? Yes.

Why don't you help me? So it's brain and memory therapy because through TikTok, believe it or not, I started learning about a way of some acquire speech. It's called gestalt language processing, which means they learn language through lived experience, not by words. So you start to equate language with an experience instead of actually descriptive words. Like Abby went to a program at UCLA called the clubhouse. When she was four, caused her a lot of anxiety.

Like piglet. So instead of saying, instead of saying, I'm anxious right now, boy, that scared me. She'd say, that's the clubhouse. Because it's a similar emotion. Because it's the memory that she felt at the time. So it's sort of. Like a fish out of water. Right.

There's something called ecolalia, which is also a form of language learning for kids on the spectrum where they repeat TV talk. The kids will pick up on it. And Disney movies have some magical formula. Like Little Mermaid and Lion King. Somehow works, you know, with language. And so somehow, you know, they acquire this. Echolalia is something that they'll use a phrase from a movie to describe a feeling. Yeah.

So when I sort of realized this, at first I was like, oh, another, you know, someone's trying to sell me something kind of defensive moan. I thought, please be open to everything. That's my motto in life. And I found a woman and we started this process and she has explained to me that Abby and Abby, you can talk about your episodic memory. I think in categories and memories. Like I could say that. Think about your memories though.

We're talking about memories. Like I think about, I go my, the way my mind works is I go back to the flashbacks of me from when I was a baby to a child to a teenager. Okay. Like in that show, this is us. Right. Yes. That's what happens. if you watch the show, this is us,

you're going to see flashbacks from when they were babies to kids to teenagers. Right. Do you think that's why you have such a good memory? Just like in that end, and it even shows flashbacks from when the parents were kids. Wow. Wow. Dang.

Yeah, it's like talking about what will life like be, what will life be like when I'm an elderly woman? They'll probably have walking machines that look like robots. Yeah, I think we're getting close. You're going to have a lot of memories by then. Yeah. Yeah. That show This Is Us really was impactful in us because Abby doesn't generally like watching episodic television. And I was watching it like binge watching it over a long period of time because I hadn't seen any of it. And she caught win of an episode. And then she was hooked because of the presentation of the story, which was through their history, through their lives and the flashbacks. And then she sat and she said, that's how my mind works. And I was like, not only was this as us entertaining and moving, it's also.

solve the mystery of my daughter's mind. Wow. Thank you guys. So you were able to know that that was how your mind worked. Yeah. Wow. That's impressive. Very impressive.

Dang. Yeah. So what this therapy that's so cool now is what it's doing is we write the memories down and using AI actually. So the therapist uses AI to create the memories and then the actual appropriate feeling and descriptive language right next to it. So the idea is to honor the memory that the way her mind works. We're not trying to change it or take it away, but add in that extra step manually.

We're teaching her to say, you can think that, but then add this part in so you can be understood. Yeah. And that's kind of the goal of the therapy. Yeah. Wow. Do you enjoy it? I do, but it can be a little hard. It can be like rocket science.

Yeah, I bet. Rocket science means something's very hard. Yeah. Very. What would you say is the, if there is one, like a stigma or two. around autism. What's a stigma? A stigma is something, like a false belief,

like something that people think, but it's not really true. That's a very good question, but I don't know for sure. You want me to try to answer it? You can answer it. One of the things in autism that is, I think, so important, especially with that DSM-5 change,

is that high-intelligence autism? I mean, there's people out there with not interested in social, experiences that love knowledge. So we used to call that population Asperger's, and you can't use that term anymore. It was erased in 2013, but we used that word until Abby was 13. So it's hard to relearn certain language. But like the Asperger kids at her autism school were in a certain program because these are your rocket scientists, these are your, you know, people that are changing the world and astronomers and things like this that have incredible brain power that I will never have.

Yeah. I always say just because they don't like social skills or social skills are hard, let's get to know who you are. I've sat with an Asperger who I had a barbecue once. And the mother- What was that? Was I even there? It was at Lisa's house probably in 2008 or nine. Oh. But I said- Who? Lisa Colabro. Oh. And I sat there and this gentleman came over probably about 17. Clearly Aspergus. But now I know these kids. I know a lot of people at different levels. And he sat down, he started talking about astronomy. And his mother, you could see she was like, oh, don't bother the nice lady. I said, no, no, please. This is so fascinating. And the mother was kind of like, okay. And this kid went on for 30 minutes with the most incredible knowledge of astronomy

that you couldn't even imagine a 17-year-old boy would have. So that's like one kind of autism, you know. But there's so many different impactings in autism. Like some people have a communication disorder. They're still trying to get their words out. That's the phrase we use. And someone else is a, you know, functioning person in the world. They've always been functioning.

They're working in a company. And they get diagnosed at 35 because they process information differently and they're learning about, oh, that's why these things didn't work in my prior life. So I just, the vast array of how autism affects people, I wish we had language to sub-describe it. So we can help more people. Yeah. So that we can create HR policies for people who are alternative thinkers that fall under the autism spectrum and that their companies would support them when they need a sensory break. And so there's a lot.

We have a long way to go in helping more people and understanding this more specifically. Yeah. Would you say we've come ways since 2013? Oh, yeah. It's because when I was a kid, I used to feel very isolated and alone. I didn't want to be a kid. I wanted to be an adult. But do you think autism has changed since then?

Oh, yes. As an adult, I feel more neurotypical. Yeah, that's your experience, home. Life was harder then. Yeah. And I didn't like being little. I wanted to be older. Interesting.

I think that there's been a lot of change because of social media. You know, we have these platforms now where people can really share information, which is good and concerning. And the good is there's people that are understanding themselves better, and that can only be a good thing. If it brings hope, help, interventions, understanding between a parent and their adult child, their, you know, 20-something child or teenager, like, yeah, that's all good. But the concern for me is we might be overthinking things and then saying, oh, I'm shy at parties.

I don't like itchy fabrics. I must be autistic. Let me look this up. And then you look and you say, oh, yeah, I have those three things. I knew it. I'm on the spectrum. Yeah. And then you go, well, because to me, it's a big.

diagnosis. Yeah. It's, and there's some people that have literally said on social media, I'm so happy I got my diagnosis and I'm thinking, why is that a happy time for you? I see a lot of it. Because my experience, and this is just me, is that this has been so much work. Yeah. It's been, it literally changed the very fabric of my everyday life and my family around me, I would

say. So like I say, there's such good in people that acknowledge it, but if you're examining it through a social media platform. And we have a kind of a group mentality on social media. What the concern is, is are we then victimizing people that we should be uplifting? Yeah. And I don't know what the answer to that is. Makes total sense.

Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like that's applicable for all types of, like, anything. I see a lot of mental health stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And it'll list like four things. I've done that so many times. I'm like, oh my gosh, I have this. random thing that I've never heard of because I do like these four things and it's it's so there's so much of that. I feel like in some ways we're creating more language, diagnostic language too and trying to put ourselves in it. Instead of saying what's right with us, we're saying what's wrong with us. Yeah. That's why I want to honor people on this, on the spectrum or people that I call

neurodiverse, neurodiversions. Because we can look at it as it's okay to have a different processor than the average boring processor. Yeah. And let's just embrace that rather than look at it. as a negative. It's just a different way of looking at the same thing. Yeah. You know, if that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely. For sure.

Can we talk about David? Yes, we can. Oh, my goodness. What do you guys like to do together? We like to go to the LA Zoo together and we like to go to the movies together. Oh, okay. I love that. What was your first impression when you met David?

I don't the count from Sesame Street That's a good one He reminded you of him Well he did a good impression Oh yeah What does the count? Is he scary? I don't know

Well he's a puppet He's a Dracula Yeah Do you know? Did you watch this? Not really Oh my goodness Sesame Street took place in New York

Yeah And speaking of New York I was going into Times Square All of a sudden There's just some random guy On a bike Almost got hit And he goes, F, you asshole.

What? He almost got hit by a car. Oh, my gosh. That's rude. Well, good thing he wasn't talking to you. He just said a system, and he's just a complete stranger. Wow. That's not nice.

That's not very nice at all. But he wasn't being mean he was just expressing his anger. Okay. Okay. I guess that's okay then. What's your favorite thing about David? He says things that make me feel good. and he also has something called synesthesia,

which he associates colors with numbers. Okay. Can you tell me a little bit more about that? He thinks each number has a color, like number two is red. Okay. Cool. And number one used to be black,

but then he changed it to gold. Okay. Does he do the same type of therapy as you? No, because he doesn't have an episodic memory like me. Okay. Right? That's right. It's a perfect way of saying it.

He has synesthesia, and you have your memory thing. Yeah. I want to control my memory and not talk about it anymore. Well, you're doing it right now. I want to say, bravo. Yeah, you're doing it. Such a good job. She's a trooper. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. You're crushing it. She is crushing it. Very impressive. Yeah. When I think of how far she's come and where she was, even when she was like 10 and 11, even since Mary, cousin Mary over there. Hi, Mary came into our life, what, six years ago? And watching Abby and Mary then compared to now is absolutely insane in terms of the growth.

I mean, I can't even put words into it. Mary didn't know how to interact with Abby. I was very isolated. I mean, that was in the last six years. Yeah. So everything that we're doing and just saying yes to new things and just trying new things and doing new therapies and interventions has just led to growth. Yeah.

It's really, it's just, I just want to share that with people. because sometimes I feel like we, I don't want to say we give up, but sometimes we accept that this is it, this is it. And it's like, no, it doesn't have to be it. We can keep growing. We can keep learning. We can keep pushing through. And they're an example of that.

Yeah. That's beautiful. Abby, what would you say to someone, what advice would you give someone who's looking for their perfect match? Hmm. What advice should I give someone who's looking for their perfect match? Should they have to find someone who understands the way their mind works? Okay.

Okay. That's good advice. That's very good advice. I like that. So we talked a little bit about music why you love Ariel because you both love singing. I have a question. Did you like the original movie or the remake? Definitely the original because I grew up with it. Yeah.

I had a friend that was going to be. And in the remake, she's more of a soprano. Oh. Oh, yeah. Wow. Look at that music. And in the original, she's more like my style. Okay.

Okay. How would you explain your style? I'm singing like when she's, she sings her song a little bit lower than the, and the remake goes a little higher. Okay. Wow. You explained that well, because I had no clue.

And plus, she's African in the remake. Yeah. Yes. And I'm regular American, like the original. Yeah. Yes. Except you don't have red hair. She has red hair.

I wish, but if I had red hair, I'd look like the original. Yeah. When did you see the remake? Where did you see it? I saw it at the premiere. You did? I got to go to the premiere and see a lot of the cast. Oh, was that cool?

I saw like almost the whole cast. Oh, my gosh. Were you excited? Yes. Oh, my gosh. Did you meet them? No, I saw them. Okay.

That's just cool. That is so cool. She did the blue carpet. You were on the carpet? Yeah. You got your picture taken and everything? Yes. You're a celebrity.

I am. I also met the Olson twins. Oh, wow. That was a big. That was a hundred years ago. That's not recent. I mean, that's still pretty cool. She met Jennifer Aniston from Friends.

Oh, that was a long time ago. We watched a Super Bowl together. Wow. Salt Lake City. Park City. Park City. Sorry, that was wrong. Where is Salt Lake City?

Utah. Utah. Park City is a ski area. Do you get, I would imagine that you get stopped on the streets. People recognize me wherever I go. Yeah. How do you feel about that? I feel so satisfied when people do this.

You do? Yeah. Tell him why, though. You told me. Because that makes me so excited. But why? You said, I feel part of the group. Yeah.

So it's about acceptance for her. And I really felt that when we went to that premiere of the Little Mermaid. It wasn't. And she even said it like it's about feeling seen, but not being better than anyone else. It's not about feeling special. Like, here I am on this Disney. Disney does it up. Let's face it.

Disney premiere is like insane. The whole Highland was shut down and everything. And there we were. And it was all about just feeling part of the world, which is even more because that's, you know, part of your world. Yeah. But like, she's feeling part of the world. And I'm like, oh, my God, the imagery here is killing me in a good way.

Yeah. So it's really about feeling accepted. Yeah. So you have some of your own original songs. I do. Yeah. How was that for you? Is that exciting?

It was pretty good. Yeah. When did you start that? When did I? start that. I started, I was in a program called Spectrum Laboratory for people on the spectrum, and I started writing my original songs in that program. Okay. My first biggest song was called Girl Inside. It's because autism felt like there was a person living inside me, which was actually the autism. Oh. Oh, wow. There was a protagonist and an antagonist. Wow. That's what it felt like.

And that's called Girl on the Side? Girl Inside. Girl Inside. Yeah. What about the song? What's that about? That's about how the way my mind works, categories and memories. And I wrote it with her college roommate, Casey Callie. Ooh. Oh, shout out. Casey. And it aired on 102.7 Kiss FM back in April.

Autism Awareness Month. Oh, my goodness. Was that exciting? Yes. Did you get to go in? Yes, and record it. Oh, my gosh. That's so cool.

Dang. It really was cool. I mean, we've had some wild things. But Abby, I think the first big one was girl in. side because she kept saying this, she would say to me, it feels like there's two of me. There was this one other song before that called Stop, Pause, and Think. And that's really how it started is that she loves music. She could sing before she could talk. That's right. I did. Music was always the entree into language and connection. I have a lot of videos of

I'd be just singing the same, you know, melody over and over again when she was a kid, because she could connect somehow. And it was a structured interaction. There was no variables in music. It's like a language of its own. But stop pause and think was an actual therapy that we used to help her with language. In other words, to control your uncensored thoughts, you have to stop, take a moment and actually do this. Think, should I say this or should I not say this? What am I feeling right now? If we just did it in a therapy office.

So they wrote it on a piece of paper. We went home and turned it into a song so she could remember it. Actually, so she could really remember it. Turned it into a song. Then I just said, let's just shoot a music video, like on my phone in my backyard. So we got a bunch of people on the spectrum, got it together and made this fun little video just for zero dollars. Wow. And it was something for her to remember and sing to.

And then the second one was girl inside because she came back and she said, I want to write a song about how there's two of me. So we started using what we learned, her love of singing and just say, let's just do a bunch of music to see if it helps. anybody and to help you because you're going to have fun. I always say if you do something that you love to do, it doesn't matter who sees it. It doesn't matter. You did it. And that's how I felt the very first video she ever did in that program was just invited

audience. I sat in there and it was a song called Love is Magic. And I don't even think that's on her page or anything because it was kind of almost a test. But there she was singing and looking at the camera and interacting. How old are you 15? 17. 17 or 17. 16 or 17.

And I was in shock, just bawling my eye. out like, I couldn't believe that she was, that she had done this thing. And now it's turned into this because we never stopped doing it. We just kept doing it not for the result, but for the process. Right. Is Categories your most recent song? Yes. Okay.

That's awesome. I released it this year. Okay. And remember, why did you write that? Because that's the way my mind works. Yeah. To give details and explain how, the type of autism I have, because people don't understand what I'm saying.

So I have, that's why I have to use my feeling words. Yeah. Then I can be understood. Like, speaking of feeling words, I saw the movie inside out. I was going to ask if you saw that. Did you like it? I loved it. Yeah.

There's different. There's joy, anger, sadness, fear, disgust. Yeah. Envy, anxiety, embarrassment, and so much more. Yeah. Is that the sequel? Yeah. We haven't seen it yet.

But people have said it's amazing. Yeah, I know. A highest grossing movie. I know it was crushing it. Yeah. Dang. I love that. Yeah.

Okay, Abby, I just have a couple more questions for you. Is that good? Uh-huh. Actually, first, before we change, do you want to make more music? Yes. Yeah. Some more original? Yeah.

Yeah. All right. You working on one right now, but it's a surprise. It's a surprise. Okay. We won't listen. Listeners, pretend you didn't hear that. What is something that you haven't done yet but you want to do?

Something I haven't done yet but I want to do is try and learn how to make a blanket. Oh. Wow. Do you knit? I knit and I want to try and knit something I've never knit. or crochet. Oh. Crochet to make my own stuffed animals or dolls.

Oh. That could be cool. And speaking of, she brought something for you guys. What? No. So that hats for you guys. You can fight over it.

No. She made that. You made that? I'd all started out when it wasn't a program. And then some shirts. Feel how soft that is. Oh my goodness. Abby, this is amazing.

Thank you. These are your shirts. Oh, my gosh. Thank you. It's for you guys to share. It's both of years. Okay, great. We're going to have this.

I sold all my thin hats. Wow. That's so soft. How long does that take you to make? A few days. Okay. Wow. That is amazing.

Remember how she told you she was in a vocational program? Yes. So when she was heading into high school, I could see the academic. I was going into leaving high school going to college. Right. But even before then I put you in vocational because I could see the academics. Anyway, she's been a vocational girl. She learned weaving in her post-high school program.

She was so good at it. I went to the school and I said, she should take advanced weaving because she's so good at it. I had this whole plan. School said, no, we don't do that here. I went home. I cried.

I called the teacher. I said, no, they shot me down. I had this business plan for her. This is something she could do. The teacher said, well, I'm retiring this year. So I don't really care. I'm going to come to your house and I'm going to teach you

how to do advanced weaving on Saturdays. And that teacher, Ms. Carroll. Thank you, Ms. Carol. No way. Yeah. And that's how her hat business launched. Wow. And she's doing, she's killing it with that. She's got a lovely little business going. That's so cool. You're so good at it. So you want to do a blanket? I'd love to try. How can I get

a big giant loom? Or I could try and use a floor loom or a rigid headal loom. Like what I did at Miller. Oh, wow. And when I leave, I have to make a pie shape, like a triangle. Uh-huh. Oh, I've never done that before. Yeah. I don't, I don't even know the half of it. This seems very hard. But you make it look good. Yeah. And there was one of the things you always tell me you want to do. Remember the place you want to go to?

Poland? Yeah, tell them about it. I want to go to Sontaga Water Park in Poland. Oh, what is that? It's a water park in Europe. But to get used to Polish time, I have to stop my dream works in New Jersey to adjust to the time. Oh. How did you find out about this water park?

Because I looked it up on YouTube. Oh. And is it just beautiful? Yeah. And it's so, yours even a black and white water slide. Oh. Almost like an Oreo cookie. Or like cookies and cream.

Mm. Do you like water parks? I do. Oh, my gosh. And I used to be terrified of the water. I just didn't, was afraid of going under in the deep end, but I've come a long way since then. And I started going down the biggest water slide like everybody else. And I wrote a song about it.

That's true. Oh, no way. Oh, yeah. It's a song. It's called Water Slide. Oh, wow. That's actually a very important song in the process because we have a sense. saying in our house. What's our saying abs? More you practice, the easier it gets. And instead of

saying, I think I can, I think I can. I know I can. Like, you know the story of the little engine that could. Yes. And speaking of trains, my boyfriend loves trains. And my grandpa loved trains. And we got him a train clock since he passed away. Aw. Have you been on the train? I have. I have not. I've been to Travel Town when I was two and I was going to get a job there, but COVID hit. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's true. you were getting a job there. But we have those positive sayings that we always, you know, I think I can.

I know I can. The little engine that did. Not the little engine that could. We try to flip things positive. I wish I could drive a train, but I can't drive. So we try to stay positive to get stuff done. And Abby has these goals and we just work toward making them happen. And speaking of water and fire,

I watched the movie Elemental that came out about a year ago. Oh, yeah. And it made me cry a little bit. Oh, really? Did you like it? I loved it. It was sweet. That's why you cried.

It was Pixar. Yeah, I saw it. I watched it. Inside Out was also Pixar. Yeah, they do a good job at movies. Yeah, and speaking of Disney, I got to do a tour at Disney animation. Really? Yeah.

That's cool. And I met the real artist who drew Simba as a cub in the Lion King. No way. And I met the director of the Lion King who directed it. You did it, actually. He directed it. Wow. Who did that?

Daryl Rooney's the director. Okay, thank you. And I wanted to see Scott again at Sirius XM. Yep, you did that too. I saw Scott at Sirius XM. You've done some pretty cool things in the last couple years. And I got to go to my cousin Frankie's wedding. Aw.

I love that that made the list. Yeah. And right now I'm starting a program called Epic Theater. Ooh. What's that? It's for neurodivergent people. Okay. Do you like performing in front of people?

Oh, yes. Oh, no doubt. No doubt, like the band with Gwen Stefani from the 90s. Yes, ma'am. It's a good dad. Abby, what is your favorite thing about yourself? My favorite thing about myself is that I have a good singing voice because her mother used to be a singer. And she died almost about a year ago.

You think you got your voice from her? But she's more opera church. Okay. And you're more Disney Broadway. Okay. And pop. Would you do Broadway? Oh, yes.

Oh, yes. Probably. I think you'd be pretty good at it. Remember Peter Pan? Yes. I played Wendy in Peter Pan in 2016. Oh, wow. Eight years ago.

I posted a TikTok about how when Abby started. I used theater as a therapy for her. Uh-huh. Because I remember when she was a little girl, social interaction was hard. And I thought, oh, why not rehearse it? Like, hi, what's your name? I'm Abby, da-da-da. And so we started rehearsing social moments.

And I found this program. And that was about, you know, kids on the spectrum and the arts, great combo, practice social skills. And, you know, do all that sort of stuff. And so, you know, we've always used acting principles to help with social skills. Wow. Yeah. So that's been a thing that we've kind of, she's killed it, you know. And Peter, that led to Peter.

Pan. So I, um, she struggled a lot. It was hard to watch. I have a TikTok that shows her, you know, here's the audience. Here's that. While the show is happening. Unaware of it. So, but I kept doing it because she seemed to like it, seemed to be helping. By the time she was a senior in high school, she called, she said to me, oh, they're doing Peter Pan and I'm going to audition for the role of Wendy. And I was like, I went into stage. Mother, I was like, okay, let's get the material, let's rehearse, let's practice, where are the lines? And she didn't seem to know anything. So I called the school and said, hey, you guys are doing Peter Pan? She said, no, Abby's already auditioned with a role and been cast in the lead. And I was kind of like,

what? What? And I had nothing to do with it. I just, they rehearsed during school. I show up three months later. And it was the most one of those iconic moments that I will never, I went to all five shows and I'm just bawling everyone. I bet. Because I couldn't believe how good she was. I couldn't believe the amount of growth. I couldn't believe her. Just everything about that experience was one of those things that's just like never say never.

You know, it was so, so amazing to just see that growth. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's so inspiring. Speaking of growth, when you look back at Abby, you know, throughout the years, If you could try and choose one thing, what would you say you're most proud of her?

Like one word? No, just. I mean, I think the thing I'm the most proud of is that she's never given up. Yeah. She has never stopped trying to. What's I was saying, Abby? Get your brain. To do what I'm telling it to do.

Yeah. Get her brain to do what she's telling her. Look, I'm in the sideline. She's the one doing the work. She's the one that had to live life with a brain that wouldn't do it. she was telling it to do. And the awareness, the first time she said that sentence to me, I actually got it on video. And it was her sitting in the room, what were you, 12 or 13? 13. I was your age when you did Shark Boy. Yeah. I was. And when she, in this wild moments,

like Moses parting the Red Sea, all of a sudden there's this moment of language clarity. She'd never spoken like this. She was sitting in a room. She just said, my stupid brain, why won't my brain do what I'm telling it to do. And I kind of went, what? And I felt a little bit like envy and anger from inside out, those characters. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Do you know envy?

She's in the sequel. She's one of the characters. Okay. Remember that moment when you said that to me? Yeah. And the fact that she was able to tell me, I literally sat in my room and I said, oh, my God, God just gave me a window into something I'm supposed to understand. I grabbed my cell phone.

This was many years ago. Like decades ago. Not decades, but we were 12 or 13, and I grabbed my phone, and I just said, can you tell me that again? And she did. She said, my stupid brain, well, I want to do what I'm telling it to do. I just want to take it out and give it to a typical kid and take their brain and put it in my head. And when she described it like that, I felt, I don't know why I felt this,

but for every nonverbal kid or parent situation to see the frustration that they might have felt, both of them, both the child, the parent, or the one. at the awareness. And I thought, oh, imagine if you're, you have the desire to participate, but it won't execute. Yeah. What would that feel like? It gave me such great deep compassion. Yeah.

That in that moment, it really made me see how hard it was for her. And so that's when I was like, I was all in anyways with whatever I needed to do because it's a very flawed system of treatment. It's all kind of unstructured and you hear this and you hear that. and then every kid's different. So it's a lot on the parent or the caregiver to figure out what do I do to help. Yeah. Yeah.

So just her willingness to do the work and never give up. She is such a trooper. And she's funny. It makes me laugh. I love that. Okay, Abby, last question for you. Would you hope people understand about autism? That there's many levels of autism.

The type of autism I have is called autism communication disorder. Like sometimes I can't get my word. words out. Kind of like how Ariel was singing part of her world. She couldn't get her words out. Just like me. Yeah. And when and other people on the spectrum, their words just come out automatically. Yeah. And there are other kids on the spectrum who can't talk at all. Yeah. All different kinds. Yeah. Yeah. You got any more questions for her? No. You're amazing. Thank you so much for your time. You are an unbelievable mother. Can I take these off now? I guess so. You sure can. Thank you.

It's because they're hurting my flower earrings. Oh, I see that. Don't want that. Those are cute earrings. But thank you guys so much. You're amazing. For having us. And we love you guys and love this show.

Thank you. And I love what you're doing. This is a true honor. Yeah. Thank you, Abby. And you have made Abby's dream come true today. It's only because I've heard this guy's name for decades. I've got a day-to-day basis.

I'm glad we made it happen. Let's make a TikTok. Yes. You're an amazing. guy. Thank you. That's so sweet. I appreciate that. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.