The Squeeze - Alex Warren: Songs About Dead People

Episode Date: March 13, 2024

TW: substance, emotional, physical abuse   Social media sensation and powerhouse singer-songwriter Alex Warren joins the Lautners to discuss his challenging childhood that made him who he is today as a friend, partner, and artist. Alex lost his father to cancer at the age of 9, and his mother a few years ago to addiction. He suffered emotional and physical abuse at the hands of his mother, before being kicked out at the age of 18. He was homeless and started posting content on the internet, then watched as his life quickly took a turn. Despite millions of followers tracking his every move, he’s opening up now like never before in his music. In addition to sharing his childhood with us, he opens up about current family dynamics with his siblings, his outlook on death, and the most cathartic song he’s ever written. Lastly, he talks about his fiancé, Kouvr, and the incredible support she’s been in his life.  Be sure to follow Alex @alexwaarren    Thanks to our awesome sponsors for supporting this episode:  Cerebral — To get started on your path towards better mental health, cerebral is giving our listeners 15% off their first month of online therapy, medication or both. Get started at Cerebral.Com/podcast and use code thesqueeze to make 2024 your best year yet. Offer only valid on monthly plans. Other exclusions may apply. See site for details  Brooklinen — Shop 20% off everything, plus up to 45% off bundles during Brooklinen’s Sleep Week Sale happening now, in-store or online at Brooklinen.com  Ritual — Get 25% off your first month for a limited time at ritual.com/THESQUEEZE. Start Ritual or add Essential For Women 18+ to your subscription today  Vessi — Step into Spring travel activities with Vessi. Visit vessi.com/THESQUEEZE for an automatic 15% off your first purchase at checkout! Enjoy free shipping to CA, US, AU, JP, TW, KR, SGP    To email us your questions or share your story, you can reach out to [e-mail]. Be sure to rate, review, and follow the podcast so you don't miss an episode! Plus, follow us on Instagram, @thesqueeze and personally @taylautner and @taylorlautner + on TikTok @thesqueezepodcast    To learn more from The Lemons Foundation, follow @lemonsbytay on Instagram and visit lemonsbytay.com  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Auto-hue with Sunny Cars feels as if the children not be made. Tiselstramble, sandboard. Actis-vercare, verdwined. Vacantity can chaotic

but who no-so-no-hueert says, One-do-no-stress. No-reject-no-verwet cost. Always full-ledged. So, auto-hure,

don't know your re-sadviseur or Sunny-Cars. At a certain point, the things that I was enduring, now my siblings are enduring, and now they understand it, And they would be like, I'm so sorry.

I didn't see it before. Now I see it. Now she's doing it to us. And I think there's some sense of guilt I have with that where I was getting it so they weren't. Yeah. You know? And then slowly one by one, they all left. And by the time the last one left, she drank herself to death.

When life gives you lemons, what do you do with them? Over here at the squeeze, we talk about it. Happy, happy Wednesday from Taylor and I to you. We hope you like this episode. So subscribe and follow too. Let's give that one more go. Happy, happy Wednesday from Taylor and I to you. Taylor and I.

Taylor and I, Taylor and I, Tay and Tay and Tay. Happy, happy Wednesday from Tay and I to you. We hope you like this episode. So, sir, I've been followed too. Hey. Oof, that was rough. We've been practicing that for three days. And we're back.

Another week, another squeeze episode. Happy Wednesday, lemon drops. What are we doing on this? Fine, Fun Wednesday. hopefully it's nice and sunny where you are. We finally have a little break from the rain. Hopefully, knock on wood. And I like it has just been.

That was my knock on wood. It has been, I don't know if that's real wood. That's true. We'll say it is, but wow. We have an episode today. Yes, we do. That's good news because people are tuned in. But if we were like, we don't have an episode today, guys.

Thanks to tune in next week. And we'd just chat. I think we'd get through it. Yeah. But thankfully, we do have an episode. We do. We have someone who, I mean, both of us, but someone that Taylor has been very big fan of and he has become a friend of ours. Yes.

Alex Warren is on The Squeeze Today. You guys may know him from social media, TikTok, YouTube. He's got quite the following on there. But we are huge fans of him because of his music. his music is some of the most vulnerable, storytelling, honest music that we've ever kind of listened to. Yeah, I think Alex was just meant to be a musician. His story is pretty remarkable.

I mean, devastating, but remarkable. When he was nine, he lost his father to cancer. That sort of sent his mother into a spiral. And she started struggling heavily with alcohol. And that eventually led to him losing his mom as well. I believe when he was 19. Yeah, around that age. doesn't have either parent, but has an incredible outlook on life and also is hysterical.

He's got a very dark sense of humor, which is very funny sometimes. Yeah, his story is truly just like one of resilience and how, you know, someone like him with the tragic past that he's had shouldn't have the life outcome that he has had and how he's been able to turn. these things into a career and something that, you know, he has accepted and it doesn't, he doesn't let it define him. It's part of his story and it's really just shaped him into who he is and he is just awesome. We adore him. And I think you guys are going to love him too. All right. Alex. Hey, welcome to the squeeze. We are very what? You just really cut right to it. Yeah, I did. We've been chit-chatting for like 20 minutes. So, yeah, we're very excited to have you. Thank you.

I'm excited to be here. It's an honor. I do want to address the obvious. Yeah. We are in another studio. And that is because we did not trust inviting Alex to our personal home. Yeah. Neither would I.

So we rented this gorgeous Airbnb and lied to Alex and he thinks that this is our real home. But it's not. That's that twilight money. Yeah. L-O-L. I love that you said that out loud. It's too good. Oh, man.

Where should we start? Well, we start each episode off with a little game called Citrus got real. Okay. This jar has papers of questions. If you want to pull one out of there. All right. Drum roll. It's our ASMR.

I'm nervous. You should be. I never have good luck with like drawing names and stuff. Would you rather skydive or bungee? jump is there an option to not do either i was gonna say that that sounds like ass so you oh can i cuss yes you can fuck yes okay um damn i yeah i i took over my fiancee went skydiving and i literally i was like i could never do that i'm so sorry and i do it it's terrifying see i would feel like you would be a little bit of an adrenaline junkie i like adrenaline i like adrenaline on the floor he like

adrenaline on the floor. Grounded adrenaline. I think there's something crazy about not having, like, control in some situation. Like, I like adrenaline where I'm in control and the only mistakes that can, like, mistakes can result in me getting hurt is by myself. Yeah.

Yeah. Like if you're jumping out of a, if you're jumping out of a plane, it could just take a parachute not coming out. Yeah. Which happens frequently. We were just talking about this with someone that, like, you, when you jump, like, it's not you pulling it. Like, you're trusting that the person that you're tandem-

who are putting your trust in that person. And bungee jumping, I've seen too many TikToks of people just messing with other people and like, oh, are you going to drop? Are you going to drop? And my anxiety could never, but on top of it,

I've seen somewhere like they go too far and then their head smacks into the water or something. I'm just like, that doesn't sound fun. Yeah. If I had to pick one or the other, I'd skydive. Really? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, because at least if I go out, I have a view. If I'm bungee jumping, I'm like just looking at like the floor from 30 feet up. Yeah. Just like looking off. I guess I would probably do that too.

It'd have to be in Hawaii or something. Yeah. Have you ever done the... What is it called? The indoor skydiving? Have you ever done that? It's so fun. It's so expensive for no reason.

Really? It's like $75 for a minute. Wow. Or $300 for a minute. Something crazy like that. Jeez. Yeah. I haven't done that.

I did that as a kid. It's not $75 for a minute. I feel like that's not necessarily that lynched. I think it was like $300 to $500 for a minute. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Well, we're not going to be doing that.

No. No, thank you. It was fun, though. If you need a birthday present, though, that was fun. Okay, Taylor has an important question he wants to ask you. I do. Oh, great. I wanted to start with this because I can relate to it.

Okay. Why are you afraid of seaweed? Oh, I mean, okay, so what's the story there? That's so funny that you bring. You couldn't have paid me enough money to think that was the question you're about to ask me. It's just an ongoing thing that I was in the ocean and there was like a sea line. and when I was surfing, and the sea lion came out of nowhere and landed on my surfboard. What?

But it came out from the seaweed. So, like, the seaweed was hiding it. Oh. And so I just, that day, I remember, it scared the absolute shit out of me. And I just, when I was putting, like, starting social media, it was like, put in your bio. I was like, what's something funny I could put in? Right. I'm like, I'm scared of seaweed and I, like, long walks on the beach.

So stupid. I think it's in my bio somewhere still somewhere. Yeah, it is. Where? I can confirm that. YouTube? Oh, God. I didn't change that.

That's embarrassing. But I'm serious when Tay told me about that. I was like, I need to ask him because I can relate because I also, maybe you don't, but I do hate seaweed and all forms of it. Okay. Well, glad we cleared that up. Yeah. I love that question. Spring is approaching.

It's basically here. And I'm so excited because that means the days are going to start to get a little longer. It's going to get a little warmer. but that also means we're going to be getting a lot more rain than we have already gotten. In here in L.A., we have been flooded with rain. And luckily, I don't have to worry about this because Vessie makes waterproof shoes that are functional yet stylish. And you guys know how much Taylor and I love getting outside and being active. We love playing pickleball. We love walking the dogs, going on hikes, going to our favorite dinner spot, whether it's raining or there's not a cloud in the sky

and look like with Vessi. We don't have to worry about that. We can just slip on our shoes and go no matter what the weather is because they're cute for a sunny day and they're cute and functional for our rainy day. Elevate your spring wardrobe with Vessi's stormburst shoes. Discover more at Vessi.com slash the squeeze. Get your pair today for an automatic 15% off your first purchase at checkout and be ready to step out in style, rain, or shine. That's V-E-S-I-S-I dot com slash the squeeze. There are so many different kinds of vitamins, supplements out there on the market. There are so many of the same kind, and it's hard to find one that you trust.

And if you're a skeptic like me, trust me when I sit there, our next partner has a multivitamin that will exceed your expectation. I'm talking about ritual. They're clinically backed essential for women 18 and older multivitamin has high quality traceable key ingredients in clean bioavailable forms. I've talked about this before because ritual has been with us for a while,

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Really? Oh, wow. Yeah. I was going to get into this shortly. But how many siblings? What's your siblings? Four, including me. Okay.

So I'm like the middle child, if there's a middle of four. But so older sister, older brother, me, younger sister. Okay. And my older sister and younger sister were like obsessed with Twilight. So it was like, I personally haven't seen it yet. Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry.

That is fine. If you haven't yet, I probably just wouldn't. You don't like it? No, it's not that I don't like it. I enjoy watching them. I like, it's funny for me because I saw them when they came out and then I never saw them again. until like a couple years ago. Was it cool watching?

It was like watching your like home videos as a kid. Yeah. I came home from work and he was watching it. And I was like, what are you doing? Yeah. I literally was like, oh, these are kind of cool. Like I haven't seen these in 10 years. I know.

Some of our friends haven't seen it. And so they, without us, a whole group of them started watching it. And we need to watch it with them. I feel like, I should watch it once I get to know you guys more. That would be so fun. I feel like you have to like go into it like now watching it. You know, like as. an adult, like, you kind of have to, like, put yourself back to, like, when, like, the time when

when that came out, like, I feel like, when I watched that, I'm like, it's such, like, a nostalgic thing because, like, I grew up reading the books and watched them. And, um, it, like, has, it has, like, a nostalgic feel to it, but my, my cup of tea was shark boy and love girl. I said that earlier. But I was, I was, I was talking about it earlier how, because I was just obsessed with, like, when I watched it, I was like, damn, Lava Girl. I was, I think I was like 11 when that came out.

And maybe younger, actually. I think I was young. I was way younger then. Yeah. When did it come out? It came out in 2005. Okay.

So I definitely watched it when I was 11, but I was five at that time. Yeah. But I remember watching it and I was like, damn, Lava Girl is so hot. And I'm like, if Shark Boy's getting her,

I got to be Shark Boy. It was crazy. It was like for like my birthday. I think I was like seven at this time. My mom got me a shark boy like costume. Oh my gosh. You know, like the one where you can like go in the water. Uh-huh.

And like it, have you seen it? No. Oh, my goodness. This was my childhood. Literally, it's like a, it's goggles and a head thing. And then you have a shark fin and you can put the shark fin. You can wear it. What?

Yeah. So you look like a little shark in the thing. But it was like it was and then it wasn't there, there was toys in McDonald's. Yes. There was. I was obsessed with those toys. That was cool. That was sick.

Yeah. I was. Do you have those? Yes, my parents do somewhere. Oh, we should pull those out. I was a freaking happy meal toy. Yes. And that was the only, like,

Jacob didn't get me a happy meal toy, but Shark Boy got me as a freaking happy meal toy at McDonald's. So sick. But that was like my thing. That's crazy. So I started doing gymnastics. I wanted to learn how to flip and do all these things. And to impress lava girl.

To impress lava girl. Yeah. Is Cover impressed? No. All those years of training just to do a roundoff backhand spring. And she does not give one shit. She's like, oh, that's so nice. Could you give a backhand spring?

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's impressive. It's not, no, it doesn't look impressive. Me being able to do it is one thing. Me being able to do it with proper form like you as another. No, it's still impressive.

It was always just a rounder kid. You know what I'm saying? Round isn't very aerodynamic. That is true. That is true. Yeah. Oh, man. Okay.

Well, where should we dive in here? So many. Yeah. I think I wanted to open this up for people to hear that you know this because I've told you, but I am genuinely just a massive fan of you as I'm a massive fan of your music, but also a fan of who you are as a human. and so I'm just, I've been so excited for this episode and to be able to sit down and talk to you. I don't even know where to start, but just like your music is so impressive, you know, with how vulnerable you are in your songwriting. And like I feel like you were going to dive into Alex's unbelievable story if you don't know it.

But I feel like you have a song for everything. For like every story you have a song for. And it's impressive to me like how vulnerable you are able to be with that. I try to I try to write a story for that or write a song about everything I've endured. I think are gone through. It's therapy. Which is so funny that like, you know, it's cool that everyone fucks with it. Like, and everyone's like, oh, this song helped me or this song saved me.

And, you know, I lost my mom or I lost my dad. I think a lot of people are really resonating with, like, losing, like, a child with SIDS and stuff like that. And I think a lot of people are, like, kind of finding my lyrics about losing my parents and some retrospect of that. I think it's really interesting because, like, when I went, I don't do, I don't go to therapy as much as I feel like I should. I go into a writing session and I write all my feelings down and then I turn it into something. I turn whatever bad thing happened to me into something beautiful, in my opinion. So, yeah, everything I write is true. to me and I think that's what is resonating well with people, I think.

Yeah. I'm not too positive. Honestly, I was kind of shocked that people like the music. Oh my gosh. It's kind of depressing. No, it's so good. But I feel like that's, it's kind of hard to find these days. Songwriters and like new musicians coming out with like, they're on stuff that is like

from the heart and like turning something, you know, that was tragic into something that helps a lot of people. which is just, it's really cool. And I feel like a lot of musicians, like, can't say that about, like, their music. And, like, it's so authentic and it's so raw. And it's just, it's really, it's really cool. And also, it's great music, too. So it's not just like a good story and all right.

Yeah, I don't know how to navigate it. Like, that's the thing. Like, I definitely, I wish I could say I started this career path as something that, like, you know, I wanted to help so many people. But it's truthfully, like, it's going to sound selfish. I truthfully just did it because it helped me. It's what you needed. Like, making the songs genuinely, like I wrote,

one more I love you when I was like 14. Wow. So it's like that was, my dad's death didn't hit me until I was like 13, 14 when like, you know, my little sister was going to a daddy daughter dance and she didn't have her dad to take her. Like those were things where like my friends were going surfing with their dads. And it's like, oh, can I come? They're like, oh, I want to spend time with my dad.

And I'm like, made me think I was like, I don't get to do that. And I'm like, why are you doing that? You know what I'm saying? So I think the biggest thing is once I start putting that out and I was like, oh, this is helping me. It turned into that. And I think that's really, really. really cool. And I also don't necessarily want to fuck it up. Because like when I think when so many people like, oh, these songs are helping me, you kind of get stuck in an idea of like, oh, I got to

keep writing songs to help other people and it's less about me. So I've been trying to like battle the whole, hey, this is important. Don't change it. Like if it's not broken, don't change it. Keep writing about yourself. But also understanding now I have a couple million people listening to these songs now. So then it's like, how do I, how do I write them for everyone? Yeah. There's like that balance. Yeah. Did, was there music in your family? No.

I, it, is, the whole thing of how I got started in music, I was like five. And my, I told you earlier, my dad, knew he was dying before I was born and before, you know, me and my siblings were born. We're all very close in age because, you know, you had to pop them out. And because he was dying. But so, yeah, so we, he was just rushing the process of seeing his kids grow up because he was given two or three or four years. to live and he ended up living for seven.

And it's like that was the thing of he was truthfully like he had terminal cancer. And he beat it three times and it came back. He's like, he can't beat this. And he's like, watch me. And so he spent his entire life, A, trying to see his kids grow up and be trying to find a cure for it, which, you know, is very, very difficult proven to be. But so yeah, so Christmas, I got a fender guitar, this little red guitar. I was obsessed with the naked brother's band, if you ever heard of that.

And I was obsessed with the idea of being half naked playing a guitar. I don't know why. And my sister got a piano and she was obsessed with like Justin Bieber and all that stuff. And it was really cool. So we all just, you know, we would have these, we'd have these like band nights every Friday night. And none of us knew how to play the instruments. None of us knew how to sing. And yeah, that's kind of what got me started in the whole thing.

Like, oh, I could just sing and play guitar. Yeah. That's where it started from. Wow. So was he diagnosed before you were born? Yeah. Really? Yeah, he was diagnosed when my first sister was born, like the first child.

So she was one when he was first diagnosed. He beat it by the time she was four. He beat it twice. Okay. And then it came back. He got his kidney removed to beat the first one. And then it came back in his second kidney and he got rid of it, I believe. And then it came back and, you know, you get rid of that kidney.

You're dead. So it was kind of like, no shit. Sorry, buddy. Huh. Yeah. How many years with that I've been that he was dealing with that? I never think about it. Like, I don't know the proper answer for that.

I think the only thing I've ever been told is that, like, you know, he, he was fighting in my entire life. And I think, like, by my ninth birthday, he died right after my ninth birthday. And it was like, you know, the point where, like, you know, they're on their last, you know, they're white. You know, they're being wheeled around. They can't really do much. And I didn't really think much of it. But looking back, I'm like, holy shit, I didn't even notice. Yeah, I was going to ask, like, do?

Because you've definitely shared, we were talking before about how your dad was always like wanting to like do things with you guys. Like did, did you like even really know what was going on or? I never, I did not know. And even when he died, it's like the way I found out he died was I was woken up around like 5 a.m. And it was, uh, my mom was like, it's time to say goodbye to your dad. And so I went down, you know, it was, he was dead at that point. But it was like, you know. Yeah.

So I think at that moment, I knew, but I didn't know if that makes sense. Yeah. That's so hard. Like at nine, I can't. So I have a very different story. Sure. I have not experienced loss at all in my life. Wow.

Like I still have all of my grandparents. No way. Yeah. I don't have any. Wow. It's so crazy. I know. Yeah.

I have all of my grandparents. Like I knew multiple of my great grandparents for a while. I just, I have not lost anyone very close to me. Not even like a childhood dog or anything? A childhood dog. One. You've experienced lost. Yes.

Yes. And that was, that was, that was, you haven't, you haven't, you have an experience. Yeah. So I can't, I can't imagine. today, me at 32 years old, having to process that, I certainly can't imagine what it is like for a nine-year-old too. I genuinely like looking back, like, this is important because I never think about this. I think it's really easy to put it on a shelf and kind of forget about it.

Yeah. Yeah, I think the biggest thing is once he died, I don't know. I didn't really think much of it. My mom at the time was an alcoholic, so like she wasn't really present for my life. So I think just not having parents became really normal for me really quickly. And sadly, like, I can't sit here and be like, you know, I, like, when so many of my friends go, like, I couldn't imagine losing my mom, my parents or my world. Like, I don't have that relationship. It was different.

Yeah. Like, when I lost my mom, it hurt, right? But, like, it wasn't. And it sucked. And it's like, holy shit, I don't have a mom. But I was sad of the idea I didn't have a mom. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. I never got the closure. I never caught the I'm sorry. It was always like the, yeah. And like my dad, like I don't think I was coherent enough to understand what was happening until after the fact. It's like, so there's a part of me that's like, damn, I wish I got to know him. You know what I'm saying? I think I feel really bad from my older sister.

Okay. Because she was in 96. She was born. So she's like four years older than me. So she was 13 when my dad died. So I think she has a little more recollection of who he was as a person, which is interesting. But I also. I think because of all that, you know, I'm so ready to be a dad at like my age.

Like, you know, Cover, my, my fiance and I get married next year or next three months. Something like that. Sorry, not next year. Wow, that's coming up fast. My applause. But like, I think we're planning and having a kid in the next year and a half, two years. Wow. And like, I cannot wait to be a dad for the mere fact that I know, I know everything about my dad because people told me about it.

I don't remember much about him, which sucks. But he left home videos. and he filmed everything. He knew he was dying and he knew that we weren't going to have a dad, so he filmed everything. No way. So he would like just randomly one day, just like go to Costco and get a big, big, uh, slip inside.

And just, and surprise was all our friends over. And he was like super obsessed with like being, homies with the guys around the neighborhood and stuff or like with the kids I was friends with that school. And so just be this big fucking party every weekend. And he would film it all and it was like, that's the stuff I do remember. And so I think the fact,

that he cared so much about his kids and his entire life was shaped around having kids and he didn't get to live that. I can't wait so so I can give that to my kids if that makes sense. Yeah. Absolutely. So something as you guys know that has been a huge part of my mental health journey, Taylor's mental health journey journey journeys as individuals. And as a couple has been therapy. Amen.

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offer is only valid on monthly plans. Other exclusions may apply. See site for details. Get going on that therapy. Did you know that there is a national sleep week and it's actually this week? So I definitely know what I'm doing after recording today's episode. But all seriousness, sleep is so important for your physical and mental health. And unfortunately, a lot of people like myself truly don't get the sleep that we actually need. However, since introducing Brooklyn into my life, I can happily say that I'm falling asleep faster and staying asleep longer thanks to high quality sheets. Something I wanted to prioritize this year is actually getting the amount of sleep that I need because of all the benefits that a full night's rest has for you. And it has been so easy to prioritize it with Brooklinen.

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person and I think I I teeter totter around that idea of like you know I still am my own person so I need to figure out not to be in my dad's footsteps but he left all those home videos and I would watch him like this is so cool I want to leave videos for my kids and like show my kids this is what me and your friend me and dad's friends did uh as a kid and that's how it started and then evolved into something and you know it's really cool and I love the fact that I did that because those are I forget a lot of things that happened the last three years because everything's happened very quickly with COVID and and social media so Looking, but I haven't looked, I haven't watched those videos ever since I edited them. So like I feel like in the next five, 10 years, I'm going to go back and watch them. Yeah. See what all the stuff I did. It's cool. It's like a little like full circle. It's like a time capsule.

Yeah. Yeah. I love that. That's really sweet. Were your parents on, were they together when your dad passed? Yes and no. Okay. As in like, I think what bonded them was the cancer, if that makes sense.

The problem was, and this is where it gets tricky sometimes is my dad and my dad and my dad and my. mom were fantastic happy couple amazing he got diagnosed with cancer my mom got an alcoholic alcohol addiction at that time when he got diagnosed so yeah so once he once he got diagnosed she started drinking okay and my dad knew it was a problem and she would like drive us drunk while you know while we were five years old so like he and he would like they'd fight over it and it gave him to the point where like he would sleep at hotels instead of sleeping at the house where he would sneak us out to go to legoland or a amusement park and she would be cussing them out in the driveway.

And those are things I remember. So I think it's difficult. I know that they were going through it. And like, you know, I think they didn't want to get a divorce because they didn't want to put their kids through what we were going through. But then again, like, these are all things I've experienced and also been told. It's like, I don't, I wish I could ask them. But, you know, that's kind of like I just have to, I think that's the one thing that sucks. Besides not having parents is, you know, I never get, I feel like I never got to know them.

Yeah. That's kind of crazy. Like, so your mom, did she struggle with like any form of addiction prior to if you know? I mean, all I knew was my entire life was alcohol. That was the thing. Like, I find it in everything. I think once I was like 15, I would like actively look for it in her cupboards and, you know, like and throw them all away and flush them. And that was, yeah, that was that was the extent of it.

Like, it's all I knew of my mom. That's crazy. How was, how was like, sorry, my brain is like processing all this. Yeah. My brain processing is talking about. Would you, like, for as siblings, like, did you talk about it? Like, were you, like, was it ever, like? It was so, all right.

So that's actually a really great question. It was hard because I'm the only one who knew. Oh. So they had no idea, or at least they thought I was crazy. Oh. So that was a battle between me and my siblings too. And for the longest time, I wasn't close with them. So the whole thing is I got, like, if you've not familiar,

with addiction or if you haven't been around it, a lot of people with addiction tend to not want to blame themselves and they want to victimize themselves a lot of times, and they are. But the thing is, you need a surrogate to blame that isn't yourself, whether it's the world that you live in, whether it's a person that wrong do and stuff like that. Yeah. My mom chose me as the target of, you know, blaming, she would always say I'm the reason she drinks and all these things as all I did wrong ever was find her alcohol and toss it. And so I was like, do you have a problem? and you have an addiction. I think it was like 14 when I figured it out.

She knew that you knew. Well, I found a Smirnoff underneath the driver's seat of the car she was driving. And she was running red lights and she wasn't stopped. Like, it was very erratic behavior. And at a certain point, I was like, this isn't normal. What is wrong with her? And then I would always ask her that. And I was like, what is happening?

Like, she was very abusive too. So I was just like, this doesn't make any sense. And I always thought maybe she had bipolar or whatever. And I realized after smelling a lot of her drinks and, like, tasting it. And I'm like, that doesn't taste like Crystal Kaiser. that what is that you know so but your other siblings didn't know even your older the thing with that is like I'd always be like I'd always be like going back and forth with my mom and then I get sent to my room and they're like she's not an alcoholic why are you doing this like

why are you like she's this won't happen to you won't get hit if you stop doing this yeah and I'm like that's you how do you not see it and like that was the biggest thing once I turn right when I turned 18 the day of my birthday she came in my room and it's like get the fuck out and she kicked me out to the street and I think she was expecting me or wanting me to come back as a kind of like a little sign in I just never did right like that was the last time I actually saw my mom so like that was like I mean we talked over text and stuff but like I never in person that was last time so you're you're 18 yeah and she comes in and says you need to get out yeah and then she called the cops on me after oh yeah she like I think when I refused to come home at that point she called the

cops. Right. And she was trying to the next morning, she's like, where are you get your ass back home? And I'm like, you kick me out. Right. Like, I'm done. Like, I'm 18 now. I don't have, like, you can't fucking hit me anymore. Like, that was the whole thing. And so I don't know. I don't. I wish I could tell you what the, I think it was just one thing where she's like, you know, she's trying to prove she needed it. Like I needed her. Right. Or something like that's, it's hard to rationalize, you know. I wish I knew what was happening. Like I, like, that's the thing where like, I think I, the one thing, like, and I'll keep. And I, I'll keep. saying this and it's really that's the most frustrating parts I have no idea why half the things happen to me yeah that's the biggest thing like I wish I could have that closure of like yeah hey you did these things to me and like I never get to have that conversation ever in my entire life I'll never get that in that conversation that's probably the hardest part yeah you know that makes sense but um no yes like I drew a wedge between me and my siblings yeah you know and once I left they started getting it they started getting the she needed a new big Which I felt kind of guilty about too because at a certain point, the things that I was enduring now my siblings are enduring and now they understand it.

And now they would be like, I'm so sorry. I didn't see it before. Now I see it. Now she's doing it to us. And I think there's some sense of guilt I have with that where I was getting it so they weren't. Yeah. You know? And then slowly one by one, they all left.

And by the time the last one left, she drank herself to death, which is just heartbreaking. The last text I got from my mom was, I'm attending AA. I've been sober for two months. I'm no longer drinking. And she died two months later, which is crazy. Yeah. The moment she tried to stop it, it was too late. Yeah.

Crazy. Yeah. You do talk about how she was such a different person, right? When she was drunk and when she wasn't. And it was really rare that she wasn't drunk. Okay. So those were, that was rare. I think in my entire life of knowing her.

I could probably remember five times. Okay. Which is crazy. But it's also like, you know. Yeah. But she was amazing. I think, and especially like hearing people talk about her.

I think that's the biggest thing is because obviously I knew a different part of her. But like at some points when you could tell she was like wearing off of it or no longer drunk, you know, she was very loving and very like, you know, I just remember like sometimes she would just like want to hang out with me. And we used to like sit down and watch like modern family together. And like we'd watch like everybody loves Raymond and Seinfeld. and all these shows that my dad and her would watch. I think it was something cool where, like, I knew my mom was sober when she was like, hey, come sit down with me, let's watch a show together.

Yeah, like intentional. Yeah, like, other than that, she wanted nothing to do with me. Was that, like, hard for you to process that as a teenager? Like, how did you, like, I just can't imagine, like, the... It's so crazy because it's so normal. Yeah. But that's what I knew as normal,

I didn't have another parent to compare that to, you know what I'm saying? So, like, as I started hanging out with more people And once I moved out, I realized it wasn't normal. Yeah. But for me, I was like, oh, like, everyone gets treated this way. Everyone who, like, every one of these kids in my high school probably get this exact thing. And then I started getting out of that mindset when CPS would show up to school.

And, like, I, which is crazy, having many conversations I had with CPS. I don't, maybe looking back in it, I don't understand why nothing ever happened or, like, kind of. It's really, really interesting. I never think about these things. I always just tell the story. and that's like the extent of what I go to, but I never actually think this hard about it. Yeah.

And a lot of stuff just, I don't know, I wish I had answers. Maybe that's a good thing you don't. Maybe. Have answers. I mean, that's like, you know,

our friend that we were talking about that, you know, doesn't know his dad. Like, I'm like, does that ever like, like, make you sad or like,

do you ever like want to know who that is or like anything? He's like, I don't know any different. Like I didn't grow up with dad. So I'm not like, I don't feel like I'm missing out. Yeah. On anything.

So I'm like, Maybe that's weird how easy you get used to that. Yeah. But I also like for 23, I feel like I'm a lot more mature than people my age because of it, though. For sure. Which is just interesting. Like I had, especially when I got kicked out, I had to learn, like, I had to learn everything. I had to learn what taxes were and how to get a credit card and, you know, what's a bad loan and how much interest rate is bad.

And, like, it's crazy how, like, I didn't even get to finish high school. That was the craziest part, too. So, like, I just feel like I'm so. the bar when it comes to like having my life figured out even though I feel like I have a grasp on it. Yeah. I mean, I feel like we probably have more of a grasp than most. I mean, we know people that are in their 40s and so don't understand. Yeah.

You know, that stuff. So. It is pretty remarkable because I'm not just saying this. This, you know, everything you've gone through is what is going. Like I can already feel it is what is going to make you such a good father. Yeah. It's just so true. I can't wait.

I literally, oh, I cannot wait. I want to be a girl dad. You're saying, dude, you have no idea. I, like, I mean,

I'll have a boy, like obviously, but I want my first to be a girl. Twin girls would be so killer. Well, that all lies on you, so. What is it?

I know. Because you're chromosomes. I know. You have the option to give the X or Y. And we, wait, we're just stuck with one. Yeah.

It's up to you guys. Shit. You got this. Twin girl. Focus. Just start meditating. Twin girls, swing girls. That's so funny.

My chakra will get me more. You talk about this analogy that I, it's not even an analogy, just a realization that is something I've experienced, but you talk about being at the hospital when your mom died and how, like, you know, you leave the room, you go out to the lobby. There's, like, people on their phones, people driving by. There's, like, things like, life is still. moving. Yeah. I'd love to just hear what that, like, what that realization was for you because when I started working in the hospital and my first patient died, like the first time I ever did

CPR on someone and they pass and, you know, their family was there. And then it's like, okay, going to the next patient room. And then like, you just like keep moving on and life carries on. Yeah. Life carries on. And it's so, it's such a crazy like thought to grasp that like, you know, after this like we're all going to go like do different things like how many other people in the world are doing their own things and even just like in the hospital like I would literally be like well my like my like my patient just died like how am I supposed to go on like throughout the day and then they're like well you have three more patients you got to take care of like it like it's just like is the cycle of life and it's such like when you experience it like how you know you have like it's almost like an outer body like experience like this is crazy that the world is is still. I, yeah, I think I, it's crazy because I had it when I was nine and then I had it when I was 21. And so like when I, I mean, starting at nine, like I remember when they wheeled my dad out, you know, they had the white sheet over him or whatever and then. I think the first thing I noticed was that the ambulance didn't have the sirens on. I'm like, okay, they're not trying to save him.

Or are they not trying to. I think the idea that I couldn't fadden the idea that he wasn't alive. Yeah. And they were taking their time. They weren't rushing. And I look outside and I see my neighbors are all watching, right? And some are walking. Some are getting back in their car. Some are getting in their house.

My mom's crying on the stairs. And I think the biggest thing is it almost feels like an out of body experience. You almost feel like you're looking at yourself or looking around you and no one can see you. Yeah. And you're watching as life continues to go on. And you almost feel like a cold and lightheaded. Like, I feel like it's the feeling. But then when I was 21, it's the same feeling.

But I remember I walk out to this balcony, this little balcony where everyone, like, you can tell just people just go there to smoke after someone just died. And I'm looking down and I'm seeing helicopters, right. And I'm like, I'm thinking in my head, someone's in that helicopter just living their day again. Like, it's every other day. And I'm sitting here and I don't have a mom anymore. And I think that was, that was, it was kind of like. what the fuck. Like that was the only thing I could think.

I was just, I was crying, I was sitting there. I was like, what the fuck is life? Why does this happen? You know? And I don't know.

I, I tend to have a more positive outlook on it later in life. Like, I don't think I'd be anywhere near where I am today if it wasn't for those two things happening. Yeah. Yeah. Like I don't think I,

I definitely wouldn't be with Cover. I definitely wouldn't be in my position job wise if I had my dad around. And I think that's, in a certain way I have to be thankful for as well, which is so weird to think being thankful for your parents dying. But like I don't think I'd be, I don't think I'd be any. There's nothing about me, my personality, anything would be the same. No, you would not be the man you are today, for sure.

And I think for the first time in my entire life, I've ever been happy with the person I am. It's like that's kind of like, that's the content that you have to be with is the fact that you had to lose everything that was so important to you to become the person that you thought you had to be. Yeah. Which is just weird.

Yeah. Yeah. I always say like with loss comes light. And it's really fascinating how, you know, the human body with work and, you know, with drive of, you know, I'm not going to turn to alcohol. I'm not going to turn to whatever it is. Like, I'm going to take this situation and, you know, be better for it. And, you know, use these things that I've gone through to better. better my life so I could be a better friend, husband, father one day. It's really just admirable

of like you as a human, like that you've done that. That's really cool. Yeah. How has what you've gone through affected your outlook on death? I was thinking about this the other day. I just thought, yeah, one of my friends just passed away. I'm sorry. I don't know. I think it's more of the idea like I don't think I've been to a funeral since my mom's. I've experienced a few losses since then. I tend not to go to funerals. I think the sooner I think I'm just in the mindset of like it happens so much to me. Like, and I don't know why. Yeah. That I'm kind of like, this is just how life goes. Yeah. I think I'm more terrified of what happening to my dad happening to me. I'm terrified that I'm going to have kids. And I know the minute I have a kid, it is going to be my entire life.

you know, and I'm terrified that it could happen to me exactly what happened to him. Yeah. So, like, that's like those, I think more like, more or less things like that happen. But yeah, experiencing loss in some way, I, I, it sucks to say this, but I tend to just be like, fuck, that happens now. Yeah. You know, like I, I sit there and I, I pray and I do whatever. I feel like I have to do and, you know, to feel okay with it. And, you know, again, I said this earlier and I, I truly believe it. talk about the stories of so many people that I've lost more than I go to mourn because you die

twice. You die when you actually die and you die when people stop telling your story. Yeah. And like that to me is so important. It's talking about it. Whether it's the dark humored unboxing my parents in a Ziploc bag on TikTok or like when, you know, I talk about my friends and the things they did and you know what was amazing about them and how awesome they were as a person instead of, you know, like it sucks. They're dead now. Yeah. It's just crazy. too is like experience. I've never had a person die from the same thing. Everyone I've ever Wow. Everyone I've ever met who I know who has passed away. They've never died from the same thing, which terrifies me. Because there's so many chances of things I could get. It's a bacteria. It's a

cancer. It's a addiction. Like there's, I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do anything to not get that. Yeah. I put a song of yours on my Instagram story a while back. Dude, when you did that, I was fanboeing so hard. I remember running through the house. You'll never guess who just reposted my son. So, dude, no, I, I've, like, become such a serious fan of yours in the last, like, six months. I'm always never going to believe you, but I love it. But when I put it up, I didn't know what it was about.

I didn't know it had, like, personal meaning to you or anything. I just thought it was a beautiful song. and then you shared with me what that song is about. What song was it? I changed your mind. Okay. Sorry. Do you talk about?

I don't think I've ever talked about it. Oh, do you not want to talk about it? I don't give a shit. Okay. I wrote Change Your Mind about my brother. My brother started going to therapy. And the thing about me and my siblings is I think all of them, we never talk about it. Like that's the thing.

I never sit in a round table and be like, you know, let's all talk. talk about how our parents' loss affected us. We've never chatted about it. And my brother started going to therapy, and my brother's always been kind of like, you know, not very happy with life, I think. He's younger. He's older. Yeah, so him and I are 16 months apart.

Okay. Or 18 months apart. Oh, 18 months apart. So literally, right when I popped up, she got pregnant again. But yeah, he's just, he struggled a lot with his mental health. Yeah. And, you know, he went to therapy and told me his therapist was telling him that he needs to be honest with things that have happened in the past. And, you know, he started telling me a lot of things that he tried to do.

And I think the biggest thing for me was I kind of sat there and I was just like, I remember there so many times where I've had to like talk him off a cliff kind of, not like actually a physical clip, but like, you know, on the phone or in person and be like, you know, it does get better, I promise. And I think it's really difficult for people who take lots. There's two ways to take loss, in my opinion. And there's a way of looking at it better. Like, oh, hey, this happened. And there's light with loss. And there's people who go, why me? And my brother has always been an extreme, why me.

Yeah. And, yeah, so I remember I went into a session that day after talking with my brother. And I was like, I have to get this off my chest. And my buddy was started playing a piano thing. And immediately we came up with Change Your Mind. And it's, I think, really powerful because I feel like there's not many songs that talk about the red. Like, it's not. It's not too late, you know?

Yeah. So many times people, there's so many amazing stories about people talking about how it's not too late, but I felt like there wasn't a piece of work or a song that really amplifies the idea that it's okay that you feel that way. Yeah. That's the biggest thing. I'm not telling you not to feel that way. Where so many people are like, don't do that. There's so much to live.

Fuck all that. Yeah. Let's stay a while. You know, and that's like the whole, that's what I really appreciate about it. I'm not telling people about, you know, life gets better, all these different things. I'm telling you just people care about you. Stick around. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. It's really such a good song. Thank you very much. There's so many lyrics. I never perform it live. Wow. I'm terrified because I cry every time I sing it.

Out of all my songs, that's the only one that I break down and fall my eyes out. Wow. Why do you think that is? I think for the mere fact that everything I write about is about people who are no longer my life. And that's the one song. that I've written that's out that is about someone in my life that has happened and someone I've stopped where there's so I think when I sing that song I think about all the people that I haven't been able to and I think that's the problem.

As much as I think this song is helping it, there's people where it's too late. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Are you guys close? Yeah. Grant, Grant. I'd like to say I'm close with all my siblings, but I think me and my brother just have that

relationship. I think it's, you know, when he came back from the military, he's a Marine. So when he came back from boot camp, um, is when he realized what my mom was doing to me. And I remember he was not afraid to, to punch back and like help me out. Not help me up, but like, you know, he got her off me. Right. Yeah. Like he, he, you know, she was one night wailing on me, like, just straight in the face. And I remember he came out of nowhere and just like, got her off me. And I was just like, that's never happened. Mm. You know. What did you tell him about the song before you released it? Yeah, I played it for him.

Notchalantly in the car. I didn't even tell him what it was about. I just, he was in the back seat. Yeah, I didn't record it or anything. I just played it for him. I just remember he was,

I think slightly pissed that I wrote him a song, and then slightly like, he was bowling his eyes up. He's just not an emotional guy. He's like the classic Marine fucking hardcore. Like talks like this. Don't get near me. Feelings.

You can't weaponize feelings. and like all that stuff and so. It pays a little softy. He just doesn't like to admit it. Oh, man. I know. And do you feel like that song is, was probably like the most like cathartic or like,

I don't want to say your favorite one to write, but like. Was there one that felt the most cathartic to get out? I mean, they'll. They'll be all of them. I think save you a seat. It's my best song I've ever written. I agree.

I agree. I love it. I can't wait to show you. After this, after we're done, I'm going to show you all the songs. But I think there's two songs. You'll be all right, kid, which I'll play you and save you a seat. Save you a Seat. Save You a Seat is about how I'm getting married, and my parents aren't going to be there.

And I'm going to ball like a little fucking baby at my wedding. But at the front row, there's a seat that's reserved for my parents. And I think that's something like, I think it's just so powerful the fact that, you know, I'm saving them a seat my entire life. And like, I have a song where it's not just about my wedding. It's about when I have my kid, like there's going to be an empty seat in that deliver room. And it's like my dad was there and my mom's there watching me have a kid. I think there's something so powerful about this.

Or when my kid walks for the first time and I'm going to be sitting there like, is anyone seeing this? And I'm going to be able to say my parents are watching down and sing it. And so I think that in itself, just having that song is so important to me because I've always thought of it. And then you'll be a right kid is just a song about how if I could talk. talk to my younger self and tell them it's okay. And I think that is so important because when I was 13, 14, 15, I genuinely could never have guessed I'd be where I am today. And to be able to write a song and have a conversation with my younger self, I think is so,

so, so important as well. So I would have to put it between those two zones, which you haven't, you've heard save you you see, but you haven't heard. This guy plays it every time we get in the car. No way. I'm dead serious. I'm sorry. He'll be over it soon.

I don't know if I will. I mean, by the time this episode comes out, the song will be coming out soon, soon. TBD. The release date will be out already when this comes out. So yeah. But it is coming out within days. And I can assure you it is.

Now you don't have to play it from your freaking files on your phone. You can't actually go on Spotify. I play it. Exactly. Hopefully I get my shit together and it's actually out in a few days. And you are actually going to do. to have a seat at the wedding. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

When you guys were texting about it, Taylor was like, I can't go. I can't go at the wedding. I was like, what are you talking about? He's like, I can't go. I go. If I have to be watching him and Cove are up there and look at the seat, I will just. He's like, I can't go. I'm going to ball when I see her walking down because I'm not going to see her dress until that moment. And then I'm going to ball when I see that seat.

and then right next to it. I know my brother's going to be crying. So the minute I see him crying, destroy you. The seat. I, my biggest thing is I don't want to be embarrassed. Like,

there's 300 people going to be at that wedding. 350 people are going to be at that wedding. Wow. It's a big wedding. Jeez. I want, I don't want to just break down. Because when I cry,

the one thing about me is I do not cry. And, but when I do, it's ugly. It's so ugly. It's a mess. It isn't like a cute, like, it's not a cute,

like, it's a like it's a fucking full body breakdown like I'm not like when I played a show I played a private Hampton show that like some billionaire asked me to do for his kid and I played it for 20 people 30 people they did not give one fuck about me just the two girls

in the front were like yeah Alex no one else in there like they all had the net worth they could buy my they could enslave me at that like that net worth like this guy had a $20 million dollar house and it was his, oh, I just bought it for fun house. Yeah. Good.

So I'm playing it and I'm literally telling the story and I start bawling and none of them are paying attention to me except for those two girls. And I'm drop, I drop on the floor crying. And I'm like, get this fucking shit together. This is embarrassing. And it took me like three minutes of just me sitting there sobbing and I get up and perform this song and I'm like, this is the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me in my entire life.

Funny thing about the wedding though. So we didn't talk about this yet, but I'm going to get it out because I think it's was fun to mention. I've been shot and I have a bullet in my lung. Dude, I saw this. Yeah. The guy who's officiating the wedding is the guy who shot me. Stop.

Stop. No. Oh my. Yeah. He accidentally shot you. Is this a, is he a friend's dad? Yes. So my childhood friend, Ily, her dad, keep in mind.

Her dad at that time, Kover and I were homeless together sleeping in cars and he gave me a car to sleep in at the time I was sleeping in a bunch of my friend's cars. And then he would, he would always be like, you and Cobra have money. And I'm like, we'll figure it out. And then he would just hand me a bunch of cash. Like he, he genuinely just, I didn't ask him. I didn't have to ask him. He'd give me advice.

And, you know, that was something that was really important to me. But he was, I think he just didn't understand like the whole firearm thing. And like, it was just one of those like 177 grains, which you could go by, you know, big five. Right. Yeah. And meant a hunt deer. And so I think it's a little bigger than one seems. I don't know exactly the caliber.

But. It was just in the backyard. And, you know, the kids were shooting it. And then it was unloaded. And then one of the kids loaded it and then forgot to shoot it. And when he grabbed it, he thought it was unloaded. And he goes, run. And, like, just fucking around.

We're filming a vlog. He wanted to be funny in front of the camera. And so it's on camera. What? I get shot on camera. And I'm like, oh, my God, I'm bleeding internally. Once we get to the hospital, everything's whatever. Like, you know, I'm like, okay, I'm going to deliver, whatever.

I'm 19 at the time or 18 or something. I just turned it. This is right after I got kicked out. It was like three months after. And I delete the footage. I'm like, he's not going down for this. And I made up a whole ricochet story. And I just started telling the real story like maybe a year ago.

Stop. Yeah. And he's marrying you guys. I know. Full circle. Yeah. I thought it would be so fun. I thought that was the coolest thing.

Oh, man. He's also like, he's so obsessed like the life that I now have considering he saw before. Oh, I bet. So like whenever we have, whenever I have like a show and there's like hundreds of people, he goes, who the fuck are these people here for? Right. Like, not you. Right.

And like, he'll randomly like bring. like fans to my dressing room and he's like you guys want a picture with Alex? Stop. Stop. He's like, you can't go Hollywood on me now. So, so it's really cool.

It's like, it's almost like he keeps me in check, which is really nice. Oh, man, that's really cool. Oh my gosh. That is,

it's too good. I literally am only doing for the plot, like the plot of the fact that, like that's the coolest part. Yeah. That's a full circle moment right there. He's got to incorporate that into his speech. Oh, he will.

He will. Okay, good. Oh my gosh. That's going to be way too good. You mentioned being homeless, and I was told to ask for the story of you asking Cover to come to California and then learning that you were homeless. Such a red flag, too. Whenever I tell this story, I hate telling the story.

Only from the mere fact, everyone's like, what an asshole. Yeah, I was kicked out. I did not have a place to stay. And I may have alluded to the fact that I did have a place to stay. And I told her to move out to live with me. Oh, it was move out. It wasn't just visit. It was like, come here.

We talked about moving in together. And I'm like, why don't you just come out for a little bit? So in my head, she's moving in. Like, whatever. She comes out. And I go, I pick her up from the airport. My Volvo beat her car that, you know, Biggs got me, which is the guy shot me. And, yeah, I go, I've been sleeping in this.

Which is like, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. The car, which the guy that shot me got me, but. Yeah. Honestly, I say that so nonchalantly, but that is a random sentence to come out of someone's mouth. Like if someone was reading just the pure audio of that line, they'd be like, wait, when? I'm sleeping in the car that the guy who shot me got me.

Yeah. That's a bar. No, and she was so cool about it. At first she was like, oh, ha, ha. And I was like, no, I'm sleeping in this, like, you know, whatever. But I think it's the idea that, like, we didn't know. what was going to happen. She, I think she, like, and I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt because I don't think

she's as crazy as I am where she's just like, okay, yeah, fuck it, let's do it. But I genuinely think she had some money and saved up, you know, she wasn't ill prepared for this. She's a very smart girl. I think inevitably, if it didn't work out, she could have just flew home. Yeah. But it ended up, like, we were doing it for four months, dude. Really? She stuck around for that long.

The two of you were living out of this car. Like, I think she saved up 500 bucks. And after that, we, like, you know, she would, we'd go to in and out every day. And our meal was five bucks. And like we would get water cups instead of sodas and stole. And yeah, it was so fun. And I say this to this day, one of the, one of the highlights of my entire life was doing that with Cobra. Wow.

And we had it lucky. Like it wasn't like I was sitting on the side of the road begging for money in which I'm, I'm so. I really did have it lucky, like in my situation. But I knew it couldn't get any worse. I couldn't be more broke. I couldn't be all these things. And so every single day I woke up and it was just, what are we doing today? Like I felt free.

I didn't have to worry about my mom. I didn't have to worry about anything. It was it's just you and me. Nothing else can stop us. What are we going to do with our lives? And so we were just running around having fun, filming our little videos on my phone. And like literally like just funny, cute videos. And we were posting them to Instagram as Instagram videos.

Reels wasn't a thing. TikTok wasn't a thing. And randomly started doing really well. And I was like, holy cow. And I just remember like waking up in the car one day. And I look and one of our videos had 100,000 views. And I was like, famous. Wow.

I know. And then started getting paid from brand deals and then TikTok started doing really well. I was musically at the time started doing really well for me. And I would go live and it just slowly built and built and built. And then we created the hype house. Jeez. But yeah, red flag. I did do that.

Oh, my gosh. That is so amazing. I would like to say that I regretted it, but I don't think I'd be here today with her. So right. Yeah. Everything happens. What kind of support system has she been for you? Yeah, I mean, I don't even know.

I genuinely, I say this a lot. And I think like some people view it as unhealthy, but I genuinely could not do half these things without her. Like, I don't even like traveling without her. Yeah. Like it's just something where it's like I feel like, like she's gone for the weekend. The girls took her up to Big Bear to like for a Bachelorette thing.

And like we within our six years of dating, we're being together. the only time we've ever slept apart was once I went on tour for a week and then she flew out to sleep in a tour bus with me we just don't like being apart and like I think it's because we're so close

like she's my best friend that it's like it's I don't get it like I don't understand life without her if that makes sense which is like so oh like whatever but like it genuinely like she's so sick and what's funny is I just wrote my first love song

the other day I've never written one before because it's like I don't want it to be cringy and just I wrote a wedding song and I really am happy with it. I'm going to show you. No way. Oh my gosh. I was going to ask if there's like Coker song. Yeah, I'm playing the wedding.

Really? Yeah. It's going to be fun. Like after the first dance, everyone comes on the floor and dances. It's going to be cool. Wow. Your guys' love is really, is really sweet. And it's just like, we don't have to try.

I think that's the biggest thing. Especially in this town, I feel like a lot of people do. And it's like, well, we could sit there and watch TV and have our dogs in the couch and order in some super. And it's literally like, it's like that all the time. We don't, we don't have to entertain each other. We don't have to do all these crazy things. And yeah, it's just easy. It's really special.

I love that. You guys just give that energy too. I feel like that comes across in person, obviously. But like, even in your videos, too, like, you're just like, just like, there's definitely some, like, cringy things or, you know, people that are a couple and, like, they try really hard on social media. And I feel like it, like, comes across that you guys are just like, so like organically and authentically yourself and you like each other. I'm glad it comes off that way because I think it's gringy as fuck.

No. You guys are awesome. We love you. Okay. Okay. Lemon seven. Lemon seven. All right.

We'll finish here with Lemon seven. Number one. Okay. What movie or song title best describes your mental health today? Oh, shit. He's like, this isn't a. I can't use any of my song titles. Oh,

no. Movie or song title? This is one of the things for like name a movie and I can't even think of one. I just said that the other day. In an interview, they were like,

who from friends? I was like, I don't remember anyone's name. Honestly, I would say like, if I would go to TV show, I genuinely think like friends right now is my mental health. Like my main focus right now

with everything happening, my life and all these cool things happening with music recently. it's been so cool to like kind of hang out with my friends while I can and not be on tour so I think like right now I've just been focusing so hard and like being there around them and yeah so I'm gonna miss them when I'm gone you know so I think that's the biggest thing that is where I would describe my my my place right now yeah you your support system feels dude very important to you so cool yeah yeah and you really have I hit the lottery at that they're also great yeah I love that so important Number two is how open are you with the people in your life when struggling? See, the problem is I think people know I'm struggling before I do. That's like the biggest thing, especially because like I don't necessarily know how to like write it off. Yeah.

Like when I go into a session, I start talking about it like all the things that are having like, I'm going at it in a lyrical sense of like I'm just like, oh, this is what's happening. And like the same way I'd be like, oh, I've shot and like the car I got and whatever. Like that's how I just talk about everything that's ever happened in my life. Because that's kind of like, like, this is the first time in so long where I've actually sat down and, like, thought about it, thought about it. But most time I'm just like, oh, yeah. And so this happened to me when my friend died. And then we were talking about like, and I want to make a song like this.

So yeah, they typically know before I do. And then I'm like, oh, shit. Yeah. Maybe I should slow down and think about that. Yeah. Have you ever gone to therapy? No. I have a really bad relationship with therapy.

My mom would go to therapist and every single time, they would be like, you're the problem. You know, your son is just doing what he thinks he's. should be doing until she found a therapist who would tell me I was the problem. And then she's like, I love that therapist. And so I don't necessarily have a fantastic relationship with therapy because my mom weaponized it. Yeah. But I feel like songwriting for me is therapy.

I'm talking to people who care about me and writing down my feelings and they get to ask me how I feel. Yeah. Yeah. And I think I have such a cool support system that like, you know. Yeah. Well, the fact is there, yeah, there's so many different. Yeah. Therapy can look different. Yeah. For each person and in so many different ways. So it's like, I think it's so important for like, eventually I think I will. I think when I go on tour, because I hear that's really like mentally draining. Right. I just feel like right now I have such great people around me that like when I'm on tour, I'm going to be alone. And that means I'm be alone with my thoughts. And I think that's something kind of like definitely I think I'll have to like take up therapy. I just haven't been alone. I haven't been alone in so long. Yeah. I've never lived alone. Ever mind.

life. Yeah. Like once I got kicked out, I guess for two weeks, three weeks, four weeks, I was alone and then Gopher came out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It'll be important for you to prioritize that when you're gone.

Yeah. I think I just haven't had the chance to actually like be alone with my thoughts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would be very curious to what, like what you're, if you do end up doing it, what that therapist would say just about why you, I mean, why you're not a fan of it as a makes a lot of sense.

I would not be a fan of, you know, if I was in your position too, but I wonder what they would say just about that and like what advice they would give you for that or how to cope with that. I feel like curiosity I would do.

Yeah, though I'm just strictly curious from a medical standpoint. I feel like chiropractors. You have to find the right one for sure. You do. Yeah. That's something that we, because I mean, we both go to therapy

and it's, you know, it's been helpful for us. Yeah. But we also have friends that, you know, they've gone through like four therapists and they're like, I need a, I need a good one. So that's always our advice is like if you think that that's the route that you need, then like don't give up just because like you haven't. It's almost like dating in a way. Like, you know, you don't just. Well, songwriting is like dating too.

Like you have to think I'm putting rooms with different writers every day. Like every day I walk into a room and there's different people and then I just start spewing all this random shit about everyone I've lost. all these things and these are the songs want to write and I already started this one and you've I tend to go with people like I write a lot of songs with people who have lost parents or lost someone in life so it's like really cool because they understand what I'm writing about and then can relate to it

and we have conversations about it. Yeah. So like that's kind of where it is like you I get shoved into rooms with different people every time and we decide whether or not it was a vibe and if we can be creative together or not. It's really cool. Yeah, it's cool that you're able to like be that open about it.

Yeah, some people are. Yeah. I imagine. Yeah. I mean, that's probably the difference between you and your brother, too. Yeah. All right. Number three.

I feel like this is going to be a hard one for you. I don't know. Maybe it'll be easy. If you could only follow three social media accounts. Okay. Cross platforms, but only three accounts. Okay. What would they be?

Cover. Yeah. Taylor Lautner. Taylor Lautner. I made it. Yes. Good answer. I was the second name, he said.

I was the second one. Okay. He said he was the third. Yeah. Okay. He met this too. The last one of my first. Okay.

Second. First. I'll let you guess. Number four. What is your favorite form of self-care? I love Ice bath. You do. And sauna.

Yeah. I take a cold plunge and sauna every day. You swear by that? Like the cold plunge, does it? Dude, I just, I can eat whatever I want when I do it. Like, I haven't done it in like a week and my back hurts and my fear. Like, I run. a lot. And so like, that's like, I run like three miles every day. And then I go sauna and cold punch. And I haven't

done that in the last, I've just been so busy. So like, now I'm, I'm feeling the fact that like my hurts, my legs hurt. I'm not like, so healing as fast. Yeah. Wow. It's fantastic for recovery. Also, like, if you sauna at 175 degrees for 15 minutes every, I think it's every day or three times a week, you reduce your risk of heart attack by like 70% or something. It's crazy. Yeah. Oh, 175. That's a lot. I do 230. You get used to it. But also you have to think you're sitting. So like all that temp is at top.

So like when I'm sitting in 230, it's actually probably like 200. But still. Wow. You do that for like 25 minutes. Also you coming out of a 37 degree bath. So like it's going to take a while for your body to get hot. Oh, you do them back to back. Yeah.

Wow. I shock my body. Shoes. Yeah. Okay. That's so good for you. I love it. It's so fun.

His best friend is like addicted. to cold plunging because it's like the runner's side when you get out of it you're so energized you have like you just feel good you feel warm and you feel good and also it i haven't had brain fog in so long yeah because of it he says and he's like i mean it when i say it it's changed my life it's crazy is that and uh red light therapy if you've ever done that that stuff's crazy too wow it is nuts but i i know you don't like cold but just do cold enough like it yeah like 44 could even do it Like sometimes 50 does it for some people. For me, like I grew up surfing in 50-degree weather.

So I have to go 37 for it to actually, like, do something to me. Wow. Yeah. I know. I was telling him when we were, like, teetering it for a bit. I was like, we can just, like, jump in the pool. And, like, you could, like, start there. That's cold.

How long do you stay in? Three minutes, three to five minutes. Okay. You shouldn't do more than 10. Yeah. This is how it works. Like, so benefits, benefits, benefits, benefits. Once you hit 10 minutes, everything after is just terrible for it.

Yeah. You never want to do too much in either of them. Yeah. Yeah, he does. My friend Jason does, I think, typically four. It depends on what temperature you do. Yeah. The colder, the less time you should do.

I don't think he's in the 30s. The average is 42 to 44. 37 is like, you have to think, isn't freezing 36, 35? 32. Is it 32? Yeah. Yeah. So the coldest mind goes is 37.

So I literally max it out. Yeah. I mean, that's close to freezing. Free you. Yeah. That's for you. Moe for you. Oh, my.

Um, is it me? It is you. Okay. Number five. What would you say is the most misunderstood thing about you? I think a lot of people think I'm depressed because of my music's. Maybe that. Makes sense.

I think I was depressed if I heard this. But yeah. I don't know. I feel like I'm so chronically online is the problem. So I think it's very hard to misunderstand me because I kind of put everything out. Yeah. Maybe the one thing is like, I think people think I like Snapchatting my entire life. I probably, that's probably one of the things I hate the most.

Yeah. Right. But I think it's also like it's really fun to kind of show people perspective. Because I think the music industry is such a business that no one shows. Like it's very much like you never see anyone in the studio making music. You kind of just see the project and then they go away. And like they're kind of like mysterious. Like you kind of like, oh my God, they're ethereal.

They're not even real people. And I'm just like, my dumb ass is in a studio fucking. playing hacky sack writing songs about dead people so yeah i think it's cool i like i like it and i also hate the fact that i kind of snapchat my entire life because there's nothing like private about my life so interesting um number six who has had the most positive impact on your mental health definitely cover yeah like especially when i lost my mom like oh i was just it's cool it's cool to it's cool to go through loss and know you have someone i think it's the it's just Yeah, I don't think I can do half these things without her.

Yeah. Yeah. Last question. Number seven. Oh, no. If you could go back to one moment in your life, what moment would that be? And what would you say to yourself? Yeah, I don't know.

It's so hard. I don't think I'd say anything. Like, I genuinely don't think I'd do it. Because I think if I knew it would have been okay, I don't think I would have endured as much. And I also don't think I would have learned as much. Yeah. It's like if I had the option not to do it Like if I had the option to do it

I would choose not to Right It would be my cool non-answer answer My easy answer is you'll be okay Yeah I love it It's a great answer Thanks

I'm thinking about it for a little bit Well thank you for joining us This is fun It was not really It was an honor to have you I'm so excited Yeah I could all giddy when you say shit like that He compliment me

I found out it was Lautner, not Lautner. I know. I said, I said, no way. Taylor Lautner threw me on my story. And Lexi goes, it's actually Lautner. So, I love it. I was like, no fucking way. I know.

It's all my fault. You can say whatever you want. Yeah. I trust me, 90% of people call me Taylor Lautner. Sometimes I say it myself. I just like never corrected anybody. So then it just became and I, yeah. And then recently I started like,

I don't even know what, but like sometime recently something happened. And now everybody. Honestly, maybe it was because of this because we say our last name so much. Maybe that's how it researched. Yeah. But I love it. I also love how everyone always asks you guys. So what's it like both being Taylor Lautner when you have Amazon packages?

What is that like? I feel like everyone asks you that. It's a good bit. Yeah. They do. They do. Yeah. That's so funny.

It is fun. You go by Tang. Yeah. Yeah. I went by Tay before him. Oh, cool. So, it's kind of just stuck. We mainly do Girl-Tay-Boy-Tay.

That is like the big thing of our friends. Oh, really? Yeah, so he's always Boy-Tay and I'm always Girl-Tay. Or sometimes they just call us Girl and Boy. Yeah. What up, girl? What up, boy? Mm-hmm.

Oh, cool. Yeah. Even when we're not together, that's our names. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. We love you, buddy. Thank you for being here.

Thanks for having me. This was sick. What a fun time. Thank you, Alex, for all of that. We love you and are so thankful that you were, you know, vulnerable enough to share your story with each and every one of us. You are an inspiration. And I will continue listening to your music till the day I die. Yeah.

Taylor from Michigan. Taylor from Michigan. Streaming all of his... Big fan. Big fan. As always, be sure to subscribe. or follow us that you guys don't miss any of our episodes. You can follow us at The Squeeze Podcasts on TikTok, at The Squeeze on Instagram, and email us at lowener.com. The Squeezpodcast at gml.com.

Any guest recommendations? Anything you guys want to hear us talk about? Anything that's on your mind that you're feeling you want to share with us. But we love you guys so much and we will see you next week for another exciting episode. Tudaloo. Thank you so much for squeezing us into your day. to rate, review, and follow our pod and check out full episodes on YouTube. You can follow me at Taylor Lautner, my lovely wife, at Taye Lautner. Check out The Squeeze on Instagram

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