The Squeeze - Amanda Hirsch: Mom's Who Podcast

Episode Date: September 17, 2025

In this week’s episode, Tay and Taylor are joined by Amanda Hirsch, the host of Not Skinny But Not Fat! They start off chatting about The Summer I Turned Pretty, their thoughts on this season, and the bullying that’s been happening to the cast. Amanda shares the story behind the name Not Skinny But Not Fat, how she first got into the world of podcasting, one thing about the industry most people don’t realize, and how her show has grown into interviewing major celebrities. Amanda also opens up about navigating online criticism, maintaining boundaries with social media, and how she tells the difference between anxiety and intuition. She then gets candid about mom guilt, how parenting has changed her relationship with her husband, and what it looks like to balance babies, marriage, and a career she loves. Amanda shares advice for couples who may feel nervous about taking that next step, reflects on how motherhood has influenced her work, and finishes off with what she’s most proud of in herself today!Be sure to follow Amanda on https://instagram.com/notskinnybutnotfat/!Check out Not Skinny But Not Fat here: https://notskinnybutnotfat.komi.io/?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAad-HL1QoerBqNQIaFB5jjIsFd7LBJ4bk1qVKDxUdDxBJV7xYYVY_xFVpy0o9Q_aem_EHY9cnRTiiEUnRa2COgx9wTo learn more and buy tickets to our Mental Health Summit, visit: https://www.lemonsbytay.com/the-lemons-foundations-mental-health-summitTo email us your questions or share your story, you can reach out to [e-mail] sure to rate, review, and follow the podcast so you don't miss an episode! Plus, follow us on all of our socials:The SqueezeInstagram: https://instagram.com/thesqueeze/TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@thesqueezepodcastTay LautnerInstagram: https://instagram.com/taylautner/TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@mrstaylautnerAmazon Storefront https://urlgeni.us/amazon/FDXj7 Taylor LautnerInstagram: https://instagram.com/taylorlautner/TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@taylorlautnerTo learn more from The Lemons Foundation, follow https://instagram.com/lemonsbytay/ and visit https://lemonsbytay.comEpisode Sponsors:Use the code “SQUEEZE” at Rhoback.com for 20% off your first order — now through the end of this week.Thousands have already trusted Rula to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well-being. Head on over to Rula.com/squeeze to get started today. Visit LiveConscious.com and start your journey to natural beauty. Use code SQUEEZE for 15% off.For a limited time, Tempo is offering my listeners 60% off your first box! Go to TempoMeals.com/SQUEEZE.If you want to stay strong and energized now and as you age, then you have to try Mitopure Gummies. My friends at Timeline are offering 20% off, just for my listeners. Head to timeline.com/SQUEEZE to get started.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Sonderger Go to your Reisadviceor Orsoniccars. The following podcast is A Dear Media Production What was happening Yeah, wasn't that Conrad moment so amazing?

We're like screaming about these characters. What is it about this one? Like, it's a show. That's what I was talking. I talked about that in the episode. I was like, Gavin's annoying. I'm not Gavin. No, bye.

The Hunting Wives on Netflix. We haven't. Oh my God, you guys have to watch it. And then get it on because it's going to turn you on. Glorious, incredible name. Was that just your Instagram handled? Are you being facetheed again? I'm not being.

You're being besiech. It's the dumbest name ever. Imagine you're like following a mean page. You don't care who this person is. At some point I was like, wait, wait, wait, like you want people to know you. Why are we pretending to be a non? Remember one day just like... So many unfollows.

Shut up. I remember my first episode fell exactly when the Tristan and Jordan Wood scandal happened and I was like, God loves me. She was doing it in a cool way. and then I was like, I'm nine months where I'm like having contractions. Like you just can't look cool doing that. Oh my God, I've kind of turned on my dog. We used to make out on the mouth.

Now I'm literally like, sob, Leo. You know what I mean? But if we do it now, it's a girl. And he's like, what? He was like, can we talk about this at another time? And I was like, you're a pussy. Just saying. Amanda, welcome to the squeeze.

But as we were saying, no, Taylor is the most. person. He, after the episode of Summer I Turnpity, had a full on seven minute and 49 second crash out. I may have recorded it in my pocket. I knew you were, by the way. Literally crashed out last night. Warranted. It was warranted. Wait, don't tell me episode seven, the wedding episode I haven't watched yet. It's, I know. Yeah. Yeah, it's just, I could send you Taylor's crash out if you would like after. But. Wait, you're so going to post it. Like, you're going to post the crash out. Are you not? She's editing it as we see.

I don't know. I'm going to have to listen to this back. Wait, oh, you recorded it without video? No, I literally, I clicked record and stuck it in my pocket and I have over seven minutes long video. Wait, what was happening? I don't spoil it, but like, what were you crying? Okay.

She won't let me talk, and I get this. She won't let me talk and give my opinions or any comments while it's air. because she's like let me enjoy it. And she'll just like look over and I'll just be scoffing or rolling my eyes or something. And I'm, I'm internalizing all of my thoughts during the hour long episode. So the second it finishes is when I just let her have it. And man. And wait, wait, Tatea, you don't enjoy that?

Like you don't want to talk about it after? I mean, I want to talk about it, but not in the way that Taylor wants to talk. talk about it. She wants to be like, yeah, wasn't that Conrad moment so amazing? Oh, I just love him. Like, that's the way she wants to talk about it. But isn't it crazy that in every couple, because I swear to God, I was just about to post this like the other night, but I was like, I feel like I posted this 100 times.

But literally me and my husband watching a show is like me being like, no. But didn't he say that it was, but meanwhile, like, I keep going and he doesn't answer once. Isn't that so funny? Like, I don't get the hint where I'm like, I'm just talking to him the entire episode and I'm not exaggerating when I tell you he doesn't reply. And I feel like in every couple there is like the one that wants to talk and the one that just wants to watch. Yeah.

And I just want to like debrief while we're watching. Yeah. Yeah, Taylor's the one that asks questions. But this one, he just is like, it just doesn't make any sense. Their brothers is just not realistic. How do you root for anyone? and he's just like going, I'm like,

just let me live in ignorance and like just. It's so frustrating. Well, by the way, Taylor, I posted this one day where I was like, can we for a second? Like,

like, because there was that episode where you see that like, you see the sex scene with her and Conrad. And I'm like, she fucked both brothers. Like, let's take a minute. Yeah.

Let's take a minute. Like this isn't, she's not like, Conrad's upset. We're getting married. That's so great. Like, you fucked him like what?

So I posted it. I've got so many replies being like, I married my husband after I got up with like it's more common than you think. Like people either experience it or know people that have. Like think about like small towns. Like it just so happens that like the two brothers, you know, are. But Tay,

I know you're really into TSI TP. but like what do you guys think about the fact that the show had to make two announcements to now bully the cast like where are we living? I don't, I'm confused. People can't separate people from their character. I talked about that. Well, technically this episode's coming out later, but I just did a solo episode by myself and I was talking about. I went to like New York and did a whole thing with Prime and like did content on the carpet, blah, blah, blah. And I was talking about it in my recap.

because we're friends with Gavin and so he was on my show I feel so bad for him Is he getting bullied? Yeah I mean they are making his character terrible Wait Taylor he's the only one Like the announcement is for Gavin

Really? Like I wonder just what it is about this show that makes people Not be able to do it Because we're able to do it in other ones Like what is it about this one. It's not like we're watching, you know, it ends with us. I mean, terrible example on my part. But it's not like we're watching that and being like mad at the character who

hit, like, Lively's character. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not even like team anyone. Like, like Gavin's annoying. I'm not Gavin. No, bye. How can people not separate? I don't understand. Jeremiah so annoying. Yeah, the character is just not doing. But so is Belly. Like she's so annoying. Yeah. I just,

I end each episode so frustrated. And I'm like, how are we rooting for any situation here? Right. I'm just over it. And then I'm like the person that's like so knee deep and literally like knows every parallel to every song that was like played in past seasons because I love little things like that.

And I'm like, this is so like sweet how like you know Belly's dialogue. But I understand, but I get it because I was, I'm less frustrated now that it's like the three main characters on the screen because the first few episodes I was like, I'm done with these side storylines. We don't need them. Why are we wasting time? Right.

So we normally start each episode off with like a jar. We have a game called Citrus Got Real and I don't have those questions. But my question, I was going to ask because she's so good at like reality and knowing shows and things. What shows are you watching and what shows would you like recommend right now? Good question. So the show that I actually was thinking of when I just said a book, a show changes from the book. And it's a great idea.

The Hunting Waves on Netflix. If you haven't watched it. We haven't. So sexy. Oh my God. You guys have to watch it. Okay. And then get it on because it's going to turn you on.

It's a really good show. I really recommend it. It's not only sexy, but it's also like a good, like, murder. mystery and the actors are really good and I love it and they also it's based on a book and they changed up like the end so book readers will have a different vibe okay and a reality I have to say I'm so excited about this new show love thy nadir it's the naters sisters and let me tell you I went into it being like I like Brooks a lot I don't know that I'm going to care about her family you know, like her sisters.

Episode one, listen, these girls, nothing is off limits, which I feel like is so, we're so used to now in reality TV, people coming in, obviously, to get famous, but they lie that they don't want to be famous, or they're like just waiting for the brand deal, or they're just like acting based on what they think the audience will want.

Yeah. And I feel like these girls, although they do want to be famous and they'll be honest about that, nothing is off limits. Yeah. Like she's fucking injecting OZempic on the show. Spoiler alert, but this is like a wild storyline on it. And it's like this girl is a model.

She's like super skinny. And she's she probably knows what can come of this, right? What people will think. Yeah. But they just put it all out there. Yeah. OZampic fucking like cheating, scandal. Sister fights like nudity.

All of it. I just feel like it's like, We needed a reality show where people, like, aren't afraid to put it all out there anymore. And it's not this, like, cookie cutter, you know, filming scenes reality show, but rather, like, I'll help breaks loose. So highly recommend all episodes are out on Hulu. Sounds like I'm a brand partner. It's just really good.

I'm like, do you make a cameo? And tune in for episode eight. No, I'm just kidding. But you ask. and I answered. So I gave you guys one fictional show, one reality show. Thank you. Yeah, we were planning on checking it out.

Yeah, that was on our to do. Okay, great. Well, I'm excited to like chat and have the roles reverse now because. I know I can't do it. I'll flip it back to you. I know. She like starts interviewing us and it's like just 40 minutes of us answering questions. But we truly had like so much fun with you.

I feel like that was like one of our most fun podcast. I'd love to know where. you've been doing this for a while. So like where, like how did podcasts? Like where did that come from? How did it start? I mean, there's like part of me. I'm such a competitive like with myself person that I'll always.

Not in a bad way. I think it keeps me kind of up and running. But sometimes I'll be like, I wish it was like more of a podcast pioneer, you know? But then again, like I started into 2019. We're like obviously podcasts were around, but not like today. We're like, I do love it for the. medium that like new podcasts are starting every day. Oh yeah.

This isn't like a, you know, something that's like running out or or it's not going to be a thing anymore. It's like, no, there are new podcasts every day. I started in 2019 like totally on a whim. Like I had my Instagram and I was like, now that I have 100,000 followers, it is time to evolve. To conquer. After the 100K balloon.

It was time to evolve. But I really felt that way. I was like, now I have to like move on to like, I have to use this and kind of turn into the next thing. So it started as like just another place for me to talk about pop culture, which I had been doing on my Instagram. So it's like that was a place for me to just talk more in depth about what's going on. I remember my first episode fell exactly on like when the Tristan and Jordan Woods. scandal happened and I was like

God loves me because that was such a good episode to like debrief what the fuck happened that's my first episode ever like I really remember it and then it kind of evolved like that was my plan

and then I think like watching reality to be talking about it then I would like become friendly with the people and be like oh you want to come on and then they would come on and then it was like celeb adjacent to people like Chris Appleton was in my one bedroom apartment because he like cut the Kardashians hair you know he like doesn't remember by the way I met him and he's like who are you and I'm like you were in my bathroom but no problem um but that's literally

like that was so exciting to me because he was like doing he's I mean he's a huge deal now yeah right like he's everywhere but um then I was like reality TV stars celebrity adjacent people totally kind of winging it um and Slowly maturely, it kind of built, it kind of built momentum. And it's just, it really is my fucking passion and everything that I do. And I'm, I have become a better business person. I get the, the money side of it and the job side of it. But truly, like the most important part to me is that I love what I do.

It's just so that, like, I'm so interested. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm actually interested. Like, so I'm dying to know, like, what happened? Tell me like how filming was. Tell me that like I like I really care. So it's really fun for me that I that I get to do it, you know?

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You can visit liveconscious.com and start your journey to natural beauty. Use code squeeze for 15% off. Did the, uh, did the glorious incredible name? Was that just your Instagram handle before you transition to the podcast? Are you being facet again? I'm not being facet anymore. You're being facet. And it's okay.

It's the dumbest name ever. No, it's actually so good because I'll literally be like, oh, I'm talking with Amanda. They're like, who's Amanda? I'm like, now it's getting even off that. Oh my gosh, I love. Like, I feel like so many people know your brand. But that's when you know you've really made it when people know your brand more than your name. Like I would rather have people know my brand more than my name.

Yeah, she's the lemons girl. Oh, course. Well, the thing is, so let me take. you back to 2015 when I started my Instagram. Let's all envision we were there. Meme accounts were really all the rage. So I was following like the fat Jewish. My therapist says, fuck Jerry. Are you getting the theme here? I like the names. So girl with no job, right, boy with no job. So I was always a very impetuous person and I was, I know this is a mental health podcast and and this is a fitting story because we had just moved me and my husband back to New York and I was

this is going to be great. I got this like back to New York. Woohoo. And anxiety really just took over me but like debilitating kind. And it's so funny when you're in anxiety, you're like, I don't know what's happening. And then when you look out, you're like, no, baby, you moved a country. Your husband is fucking foreign. You had to like, he was on. you, dependent on you, like it was a lot of pressure all around. That's why you collapsed. You know what I mean? Um, so out of that time came alike, these memes were kind of making me giggle, you know? And I was like, this is so fun. And, um, and then one night trying to fall asleep, I was like, I could write funny, cute things. Like I always loved writing. I'd been like

a writing minor in college. So I was like, and I remember it was literally, like, I was literally, like that night in bed being like, tomorrow I'm going to start an Instagram account. I'm going to start writing funny things and I'm going to call it and came up with this dumb fucking name. And, you know, and that's what, you know, when people ask like for advice about how to start this or not like I just love it for me the way that it started because I know what a pure place it started from. Like was I a thirsty person in my life for sure? Had I always dreamed of like being the.

the entertainment industry, 100% have done crazy shit to try to get there my whole life. But this specifically came out of a like meme pages are so funny. I'm really depressed. Let me start this like thing. And it was anonymous because I just wrote memes. Right. So it was anonymous for a very long time. But at that time people, I don't think there were like DMs.

So people had to like tag people. Remember like just a little tag? Yeah. So I would like built like a. baby following just for memes. And I think at some point I was like, whoa, wait, wait, you're not this like egoless.

Like you want people to know you. Why are we pretending to be a non? So I remember one day just like just like putting my face and you know what I remember guys? Like so many unfollows. Really? Shut up.

Yeah. Because because and it makes sense. It made sense to me by the way. Because I was like, imagine you're like following a mean page. Yeah. You don't care who this person is. Right. It's called not skinny one of fat.

You don't know like if they're like 85 like in the basement. I don't care. Like. And then this bitch is like. And but you know what? Then I even remember being like, okay. All right. Like this is part of it.

Like if I want to be known also for me. Yeah. Me with my like 50K probably at the time. If I want to be known also for me, like this is part of the thing. Like lose the people that don't care about the person, gain some people who care. So it's kind of like a transition then from memes to kind of me, kind of celebs, kind of like. And it honestly just like evolved from there. I was working two jobs until 2020.

So like started in 2016. 20-20 I gave birth to my first kid, Noah. And I think that was like my first brand deal. And then I quit the two jobs like as they were coming in. Yeah. So really at the whole time that I was doing at the four, which by the way, I feel like doesn't happen today. Like I feel like people like go on TikTok. They're like, I made two TikToks.

Like where is my brand deal? Yeah. You know? And I'm like five years. is like yeah this was a long time but I have to be honest it was like me being like this is so fun for me this is my passion if anything ends up coming for it from it how cool is that like if I even would apply to like jobs like that sounded cool like at bustle or like BuzzFeed and I would be like and I have an Instagram with a hundred-kent followers and I didn't

even get that I was like I could do listicles and be cute didn't fucking get it Getting jobs is like harder than fucking doing this, by the way. Because I remember applying and being like, oh, and now I have this portfolio basically of like creativity. So, um, so slowly but surely. Slowly but surely and with a lot of like belief, but also like whatever comes of this I will be cool with because something good ought to come. Yeah. Of it. And so it did.

Brick by brick. I know. I feel like I have. I have a lot of people that ask, like, asked me, like, they're interested in starting a podcast and, like, ask me about it. I'm like, you got to actually, like, really, really, really love whatever you, like, want to do with your podcast because it's, I mean, it's work. And, like, it takes time to, like, build your brand. But, like, I enjoy it so much because I get to have conversations with people and meaningful conversations. And it has to be worth it.

So it's not a good. side hobby. That's like what I tell people. Right. It's not a side. It's a full. Yeah. People ask us all the time. I'm sure they ask you 10 times more. But like about starting their own. And I'm like, you got to like, I feel like most of the people asking me are thinking of it. Like it's just going to be a little side thing that I do. And I'm like, it's not really like that. But. Yeah. So just. I think it's good to tell people like the truth because I agree with you. Like it's very much. And that's what I just told like an actress friend who I love. And 100,000 people would listen to her podcast. Like she's amazing. But like the advice I gave her too was like you should start it like about something that you're really passionate about. Not just like I have a following.

So they'll follow me here because by the way, that has proved a lot of times to not be true. You know what I mean? Like just because you do have a following, they won't necessarily tune in. It has to, it depends on like. And some people without a following have a really great podcast. that they got a following out of the, so it really depends and you really have to be passionate about it

and, you know, people also think, like, I feel like it's so, people think, don't know how it works. So sometimes they think like, the place that is your podcast network, like gets you the thing and you just show up or whatever. And it's like, no, it's literally all you. You know what I mean?

It's your, your show, your creative call, your booking, your shit. Um, so I agree with that, um, with that advice about telling people. But I think at the end of the day, like, I met somebody actually a few months ago that also started a podcast and they were like, it's so hard. It's so, it's like, I didn't realize like it was going to be so hard. And I'm like, if you can't like handle like recording an episode once a week, you know, then that just means you're not feeling it, you know?

Yeah. But I get it. People want their own brain. brands at the end of the day. They don't just want the Instagram or the TikTok. They want a brand. And I think if like the next best thing in people's minds is like a podcast, you know? Yeah.

But I think a thousand people can start one. But at the end of the day, the people that will say are the people that care about kind of their work, you know? Yeah. When did you transition to having guests? So I said before, like it started with talking about pop culture. and then you became kind of intertwined with like reality people because I would pose about the show and then they would be like this happened which I love about reality TV people which I'm sure you know

right like you're watching like Vanderpump rules that that was really by the way my baby like Vanderpump rules did you guys watch it I kind of watched it I had a girlfriend growing up that was like obsessed with it but you guys have to literally never seen an episode it is so fucking good It is the reality of all reality, like IMO. And I remember just starting to post about it and being like talking about it. And then a cast member would be like, that's not what happened. Like this happened. I'm like, want to come on the pod in my kitchen, JK.

So that's how it started. And then it was, you know, like I was saying, kind of a celebrity adjacent, this, that. And then it kind of grew like the people that were interested in coming on. And then you're having Kristen Stewart on your podcast. You know, I was just talking about her yesterday because a friend had asked me, like, who's the most like, you know, when you get asked this question, it's so hard because I've had so many people that I am shocked that agreed to come on or was so excited to meet them. But Kristen is really like, oh, you know what I mean? It's like she's so freaking cool. She's so talented.

She's so down to earth. She was so everything that I am still blown away to the day. and I'm so also icked out by myself because I was like nine months pregnant doing the like tongue out like eating vagina lesbian thing with her that I don't know if she was doing it in a cool way and then I was like meanwhile like I'm nine months pregnant

you're like having contractions like you just can't look cool doing that you know what you mean like when you're pregnant it just isn't giving Yeah. So I look back at that photo and I would just get back to that moment of being like so bloated, so pregnant, trying to be like Kristen Seward cool failing. But with her, it's like I'm so proud of that interview because I went into it being like, give me a basic bitch any day. I'll fucking.

We'll have a blast. You know what I mean? Give me someone with a little bit of basic bitch. Like don't worry about it. Yeah. I was so fearful that Kristen has like zero basic bichness. You know what I mean? Like she's just cool and way too cool for all of us.

And it was so cool to kind of uncover not that she has basic bichness, but that she's just a girl, you know? Yeah. And a relatable one at times and just so, because I feel like in a lot of interviews she would come across like a little, you know. Yeah. She wasn't giving her full self. Yeah.

And I just felt like I got to see some of that and people that listened got to. So that was a really, that was a really cool moment. And it's one of those people that you would never think like. For sure. How would she come about like she doesn't. What? Yeah. Well, it was, it was cool.

Because when, when you were like posting clips of it, Taylor, uh, Taylor came to me and he was just giving you compliments because of how. Obviously, he knows Kristen. And I mean, you can tell the story, but. No, I mean, she, you kind of just said it. I was like, I almost was like feeling proud when I was watching the clips and listening to the episode because that side of Kristen, I know. But I know so many people don't. And she doesn't show that side to many people.

So the fact that she felt comfortable enough to get in front of a camera. you know, and show that side of herself just really is a testament to you and how good you are at what you do and just who you are as a person. But I was like, I wanted to start crying, like watching her be her true self. She really was. And that's what, you know, not her just being this like fucking star and cool and beautiful, but it was really that like me knowing what she put out there that I'm like, wait, am I going to be able to like get, get her, you know, like this more playful side, you know, and she is.

Oh my God. Obsessed. Like I am forever a fan, forever like thankful, you know, like that she gave me the opportunity. And by the way, perfect timing for me because it was when where you been, Loka was really fucking going viral. Oh, yes. It was that time. So I was like, where you been Loka? And she could have been like, oh, like, who cares about it?

but she was so into it. She thought it was so funny. She, like, remembered the day. She, like, remembered other. And she's not like, oh, I can't talk about Twilight. That's so, you know, she's just so cool. Like a thousand million about downs to her. We love Kristen.

Okay, on the other side of things, who's been like your least favorite guest? We can believe it out. L-O-L. What? I'm just, if she happens to have one, that she's like that as well. Say it out loud. I'm going to bleep it. No one's going to hear.

Okay, great. I literally have no clue who that is. You don't know where? No. Okay, believe it out. Yeah, there were just not a vibe. Listen, you guys know this as podcast hosts. Looking them up.

You can't always have a vibe. Yeah. Yeah. You can try to have one. Yeah. Really and put in all the effort in the world, which I will always do. And the only way I will ever be, like, upset. with me is if I feel like I didn't put in everything.

But listen, there can be times, well, you're going to put it in everything, and the guess will give nothing. Yeah. And that can happen and it happens. Like, not every show is the best show, but I feel like with me, as long as I know that I tried my best, you know, then I feel, then I feel good about it. Yeah. Yeah.

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I feel like us talking to you was very timely with what I've been like thinking and dealing with. Obviously we do not have children at this moment. But that would be such good parents. Thank you. But that's clearly like that's very near like in the future thing for us. And something that I've been struggling with a little bit is like having, I've been apprehensive to have a kid because I feel like it's going to like stop things that I'm doing. or it's just going to change my career and work. And when I grew up, I always wanted to just be a mom.

Like, that was, like, what I wanted. And I didn't know that I, like, could have a passion, like, for a career like this. And now that I do have it, I'm, like, anxious about having kids and that kind of, like, disrupting it. But were you, did you struggle with that at all? Or, like, what, how did you know, like, you guys were ready to have kids? well do you know my merch you can be a mom and still be a dumb bitch i have march like that i can send you okay great when you have a baby right thank you but that came out of exactly what you were saying is like the fear of if i become a mom i'm not gonna like be who i am i'm not gonna be able to do this

thing and like be at the summer i turn pretty premiere because like i have a baby or like i can't care about Jeremiah because like I'm a mom or so that's where like dumb bitch comes from because like I'll talk about the career in a second but I just feel like in that sense like people think that you really lose that side of you and all of a sudden you're like a Karen or something you know like I feel like that's our perception like and then you're a mom and you're like in a minivan and you're and I feel like that's just like such an outdated way to think about it because like you can be a mom. mom still be into like the dumb shit that you're into still be into your hobbies your interests your

part like like the only tons of shit changes like your world turns upside down lots of responsibility and everything but you can still be the person that you were you're just now a mom and in the career sense like I was the same because like I said before like it was 20 20 I was 30 to and I can kept on delaying it. Like my husband would be like, so like when? And I would be like, oh, like maybe when we're back from blah, blah, blah, or maybe. And then he would be like, what's going on? And I would say the career thing too.

Like I haven't, this was before kind of things started taking off. Yeah. And I was like, things haven't taken off. Like I'm trying to do this thing and like, how am I going to do this thing if I'm pregnant? And I feel like so many people will tell me like, wait, why can't you do it if you're pregnant? And then I didn't really have an answer. to it, you know? It was like, oh, I guess I can't do it pregnant.

You know, like, why can't I interview people pregnant? Like, why can't I post content pregnant? Why can't I recap shows pregnant? Because at that time, I was looking at the pregnancy. I liked to take things like step by step, you know? Yeah. And I was like, oh, I can. And then it was kind of like a self-talk situation of waiting.

I'm not saying have a kid a response. when nothing in your life has worked out. Yeah. But if you're like, I looked at the list of like, I'm in a loving and committed relationship. We are financially stable, right? Like we were working. We were able to pay rent, blah, blah, blah.

Like, I'm mentally okay because that was another important thing because there were times in my life where my anxiety wasn't good, right? So I wouldn't try to get pregnant when I'm having anxiety attacks every day. So I would look at like those metrics, right? And then if the last metric was like, am I a super successful like fucking star? You know? Yeah. And that's the only thing that isn't checked off.

Then three out of four. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like that's how I kind of looked at it. And then I was actually proven the opposite because literally the way I know when I like, you know, whatever they call it, like started making a living from it, whatever. was literally after Noah was born. So that's when things took off.

And, you know, 2020, he was born, started getting brand deals with, like, set up my little thing and do a whole thing, super postpartumian gross, with a baby screaming in the back. And then, like, mom content and all of that. Because, like, he's in it with me. I'm home with my baby. The baby's on the tit. The baby's in the thing. So it became kind of like part of the world.

It didn't like detract from the world. So I really feel like the three out of the four thing and that you could still do what you want to do. You know what I mean? I don't think, I think we're in a time where people where women are able to like have careers and have kids. You know what I mean? And if you want to stay home for a while, stay home for a while. And if you want to go back to work after three months, six weeks, some, some, Some celebs I talked to it.

They were like, yeah, and then we started filming. I'm like six weeks after you gave birth. But it is, but like, first of all, with women, everything's possible. You know what I mean? Yeah. But I would believe in you that you'll be able to juggle it. And it'll be a huge change for you. And obviously, like, you need to be ready for it.

But it is true what they say that, like, you're never ready. Like, just totally completely. without a doubt like you felt when you were little, right? Because when you were little, you didn't have all these other thoughts. You just were like, oh, I want to be a mom. But now you're like, but how am I going to do this and not? But like, it'll be okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Now I know now that I'm like actually ready because we had like a pregnancy scare at the beginning of the year. And like at night I took a test and I was negative. I was late. Took a couple tests. It was negative. Found out it was just like a hormonal thing.

But the morning after I woke up. up in like my first thought before I was like awake was that I was sad I wasn't pregnant and I was like oh okay she's ready she can do this now that is that is a good little test yeah good oh my god oh my god I'm gonna be so excited for you guys when it happens I know for now we just have our our dog baby so oh my god I've kind of turned on my dog which like I hope other people I've actually heard that a lot a lot I have a girlfriend that got rid of her dogs after she had kids So I will be honest, like I had judged people that had done that before I had kids. Now, I wouldn't personally give my dog away.

He's also like old, but we've been through so much. But the relationship change, it's kind of like, it was kind of like, I know that sounds so harsh, but I'm just telling the truth. Like, it's kind of like a falling out of love. Like, it's like I love him, but I'm not in love with him. Like, I know it's so sad, but I used to come home. Taylor's going to start crying right now. He loves our dogs.

I'm literally petting her right down here. Okay, but mine is a little shih Tzu, so like, I don't know what you have, but shih Tzu's are a little annoying. Got it. Yeah, not a Shih Tzu. Like, mine isn't like a lab or like one of those, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. No, ours is very human.

Like, she's half Belgian Malinua. Her other half is German Shepherd, Husky Cattle Dog. So she's very, very smart. So, like, my Shih Tutsu is like a Shih Tzu, you know, and like, we've been through a lot, and he's with me for 13 years and we used to make out on the mouth and now I'm literally like sob, you know what I mean?

I know, but you know but here's the important thing. My husband still gives him tons of love and thank God because then I would be, if both of us felt that way I would be like oh my God, I feel so bad but he's still getting a lot of love from him and that's just my truth.

And I'm more understanding of pet parents that had felt a certain way after kids. But yeah. And it would just be interesting to understand like how does it happen to some people, you know, and not happen to other people. Like I'd be interested in it like if the love stays for you, Taylor, for example, like the exact same. Because it literally changed for me. It's not just like, oh, he's so annoying. He barks, which he does. and he'll wake up the baby, which he does.

Yeah. But, yeah, it's a little... Do the kids love him? They, like, include him. They'll be like, and Leo. Like, they'll like... Again, not a lab. Again, not a lab.

You know what I mean? Like, you pull his tail, he'll be like, you know what I mean? Like, it's an annoying shih Tzu. Like, it's a different... Fair enough. It's a different vibe. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I get that. Do you feel like, you like experience mom guilt at all? Like that's what I'm like I don't know. That's I clearly have a lot of like subconscious thoughts and fears of this. Like you're worried about when I have a baby and if I do tell

myself it's okay to have a baby in work, will I feel bad? Yeah. If I'm like prioritizing myself in a sense of in a healthy way, that's when I'm scared of. Because I'm like I want to have like I want to have things set into place because I know that I can get into unhealthy habits quick. So like I really want to have a night nurse because I know that I will like just become psychotic and never leave my baby side. Like I know that I can be psycho with things. So I want to like have these things like in place. So that's kind of worse.

A night nurse is a motherfucking dream. Like by the way, somebody had this idea. Actually the night nurse that I had. So here's the thing. Personally, my experience was because with Noah, my life was so different then that like raw dogged it with Noah. Okay, that doesn't sound good. Sound good. Now raw dog or Noah, like was in the trenches with Noah.

Yeah, yeah. Like lived it, breathed it, was momming all day. Like that's one experience, right? Didn't have any help. And then I had my second kid, Lenny, and hired a nanny from the beginning, did a little bit of a night. nurse and I'm experiencing this other way of raising a kid. And speaking of mom guilt, at the beginning, I'd feel guilty about that. Like, wait, Lenny isn't getting the same than Noah got.

You know, like, Noah got all of me. And then I think when I talked to a lot of people that made me feel better about it, it was kind of like, first of all, of course it's not going to be the same. Like the year is different. You had no one COVID. Like, your life is different. your job is different. Like it's always going to be different with every kid.

Like you can't give them the same exact thing. And like not one is like better than the other, worse than the other. But let me tell you what's better than not waking up. Not waking up. Like that's for sure better. That's for sure. And I was the type of girl like I'm a breastfeater. I'm a like sleep next to me a tat.

So for me it was so weird to think about wait, I'm breastfeeding. Like why would I have a night nurse? You know? Like to bring the baby. And then they're like, yeah, for her to bring the baby. Because not waking up, like when you're a new mom, getting that extra like 25 minutes where like the night nurse, let's say, changes the baby for you, uh, uh, burps them after you're done feeding. Like anything is helpful at the beginning because it's so motherfucking hard. Yeah.

That if you can afford help, like integrate that in your life in a way that works for you, like recommend. What I was going to say is this night nurse that I had for a couple weeks told me that if she has another baby and instead of having a registry, she's going to have like a kind of like a money collection pot for a night nurse for her. Because what better gift to a new mom than like getting some motherfucking sleep. So that's a great idea if anyone wants to get a new mom like get some girls together pitch in for a night nurse for like a week. literally anything is helpful but in terms of mom guilt yeah any mom will tell you to hey that like always and forever like it's not like a bad thing to have I feel like it also keeps you balance right like a little bit of mom guilt is okay if you're having too much like okay then maybe you kind of started balancing things out a little bit better but I think

every mom will tell you that it never ends and you're always gonna even about the smallest thing like we taught no way to ride a bike it was so beautiful he did it so quick and still i'm like wait i should have started him on the balance bike because then he would have had his balance and then he would have done and then it's like girl he's riding a bike like what does it matter that you didn't do the balance bike yeah so we're always hard on ourselves we're always second guessing and trying to do our best but that just shows that you're like a good mom and that you care yeah okay okay that makes me feel better did you struggle with postpartum at all luckily no but i was also on Zoloft throughout my pregnancies, both of them.

So I don't know if that saved me or I just wasn't prone to that kind of mental health issue. But I'm so thankful because I know how people struggle and I can't imagine on top of everything you're feeling because even if you don't have postpartum depression, you have postpartum, which is like fucking crazy on its own. Like you're a lunatic. Your hormones are insane. Like literally, boy, take cup.

of her like, it's wild. Get ready. Okay. And accept and like get a like, get your, get your boxing like defenses up. But so I can't imagine what women that go through postpartum depression feel. And I just would say like treat it because it's I can't imagine going through that when you're dealing with postpartum.

But luckily I didn't. Thank God. And I don't know again if it was because I stayed on my med throughout my pregnancy. or what kind of helped that. But just for people listening, like, check with your doctor, obviously. If you want to stand medication during pregnancy, I checked with mine, and it worked for me. How long have you been on Zoloft? Or medication, I guess.

So here's the thing. When I studied abroad in Barcelona into 2009, I got my first panic attack and didn't know that it was that, didn't accept that it was that. Obviously, thought that I was like dying, heart attack, all the things. at all the CTs, all the, because, like, who would accept it? It's, like, just a mental thing and not your body, just betraying you. But, um, and then I was prescribed it, but I was like so against it. I was like, ew, me, an antidepressant to me, carefree, like, you know, whatever, Amanda.

So I had a really, like, complicated relationship with it for years. And I, like, weaned myself off, like, against my doctors kind of orders because I was, like, so disgusted that I would need this kind of thing. And then years later, like I was talking about, and then anxiety, by the way, ebz and flows, right? So I had years where I was fine. And then a year where I would. So the year that I was talking to you guys about when I started my Instagram,

because I was going through a rough patch, is when it was so debilitating that it was kind of like SOS. Like I think that people will know when they get to that point of yoga won't help, breathing won't help. You know what I mean? And I'm not saying at that point that I thought I would be on it forever, but at that point it was like something needs to like. Yeah.

We need to get something in here because deep breaths are not going to be it. Yeah. So that was 2015 when I got back on it, 2015. So now it's been like 10 years. And I'm on like the lowest dose. And I actually before I got pregnant with Noah tried to get off of it because of me. like the doctor said it was okay. But I was like, let me just try to be like not have anything in my body for this pregnancy.

And again, you can't know if it's like placebo effect, the fact that you know, but it like didn't work for me. Like I felt like I'm just getting anxious again. I'm going to be anxious and I'm getting anxious again. Like whatever was I was trying to do like kind of defeat the purpose. And then I was like, listen, healthy mom, healthy baby. Got to do what you got to do. And hope for the best. the way they put it, like the doctors is like, we don't test these things on pregnant women,

obviously. We're not like doing a focus group. And, but they believe that like, you know, there are certain medications that have been, that moms that have been on it, you know, like anyway. Yeah. It turned out to be fine. And that basically the benefit outweighs the risk is at the end of the day what the doctors say. So it was like, how are you going to be pregnant?

and have a baby if you can't function. Yeah. Function to like do those things. So it's been a while now. And now my relationship with it is so positive. It's like, cutie. You know?

Like love it. Thank you. Thank you for being a med, you know? And just like a fucking diabetes med can help someone. Yeah. Or whatever your issue is. Yeah.

That can help. I love. I love that. I love that parallel because, yeah, I do think that if you are struggling and you're interested in medication, making sure you're trying, you know, other things before making sure, you know, you're actually drinking water or you're moving your body, like making sure that there's, like, your basic needs are met. And if you still need a little more help, you have to look at it the same way as like a

heart medication or you're a diabetic and you need that. By the way, it's also not a magic pill. Like it's not like, like, you do have to do all that work also. You know what I mean? You do have to do all that work also. Like go to therapy, move your body, like do all the things. Because if not, then it's, I don't think it's going to work entirely as well as it could. But I think it will definitely help give that push of like being able to like get yourself out of the house if that's what you're struggling to do.

You know what I mean? and then take on the day. But knock on wood, I feel great. But you never know with anxiety. It could come, it could be around the corner. You know what I mean? You just got to be like, you know what I am? This is the scene I invented all the time.

What's her name? Julie from, I know what you did last summer? What are you waiting for? Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like that's me, like, knows he's going to come at some point. Don't know when.

Yeah. What are you waiting for? That's good. Come get me. My next question about motherhood, parenthood is how, how did it change, like, you and your husband's relationship and how do you guys like prioritize time alone and even just time to yourself as well, alone time and time together? It is hard.

That part is hard, I will say. That part is hard because it takes such a blow. Like you really have to have a strong-ass partnership and friends. friendship when you have kids with somebody, which luckily we did have. Like we were together. Today's our actually 10 year wedding anniversary. Oh, okay. 15 years together.

Okay. So, but again, even with that strong foundation and everything, it takes a hit because like he's not your number one on those first days at all. You know what I mean? And then you have to kind of like reintroduce him. being like in the top too. You're before Leo, okay? But you really have to...

It's clocking to you. That's the shit too. Say thank you. You're before Leo. No, but it really is like it takes a hit. You're not sleeping. Your life is completely changed. Instead of like being together all weekend,

just thinking of a, what restaurant I go to brunch at. You're with a baby all day, crying, no, give me the diaper. You didn't wake up. You didn't wake up. So like, as much as you can like be understanding of each other, even like set expectations. Yeah. From each other of each other.

Like make a whatever can help you like not fucking snap because it's such, it's such like high stakes when you first have a baby. Like and of course then you get into like a rhythm, right? And like everyone knows. but it is it does take like let's focus on this and not let us get lost in the way because it's really easy to just focus on the kid give a your all and you're like wait like there's us like also before um so us like luckily we had a really good like foundation of being like friends like best friends support systems for each other we're also a couple that like we're together a lot And we're one of those, which I think you guys are too.

Like, we're not one of those couples that, like, everyone has their own life. We meet at night maybe. And, like, we're not used to, like, high stakes situations or seeing each other at the worst. Like, we're together a lot. Like, we can live together, work together. Like, so. But it's still, again, like, I remember in the first days I was complaining about him so much. Like, people were like, you need to get the book how to not hate your husband after having kids.

And, like, there is a book like that. Oh. there's a book like that because it's such a common thing because you give birth it's all you right no matter how helpful you are yeah how supportive you are you're dealing with a pregnancy you're pushing out that baby you're dealing with your postpartum body you're like and at the end of the day like you're the mom so like you're the mom like the husband can help as much as they want and they can and even if they're 50 50 like the mom's more like the mom's more. Like if they're breastfeeding, it's like a, it's different.

So you can build up resentment. So it's just really important to like keep an eye on those things and like not let it get away from you. I need to be prepared with that book for you. Yeah. You do. You read it to me at night. I mean, I think that's why I'm like, I am, I think that's also why I am apprehensive to have kids because I love like we are best. Like we spent so much time together.

And so like I know that that's going to change. So I think that's why I'm also like a little like, oh, but like that's so good. But that means that like your relationship like means so much to you and that you will like prioritize it. See, I do love you. Taylor's one of the people that's like, do you still love me? I'm like, yes. Taylor asks me that quite often. No, me.

But I love you for it. Okay, last question I have for you. And then we can let you get back to your mom duties. I want to know because I feel like we don't ask ourselves this question a lot, but I would love for you to answer what you're most proud of yourself for. I feel like I boasted on myself a lot in this episode. So like we can just clip. She's like, can you take out some of the other stuff if you want to keep this one in?

Just pretend like I was really humble the entire time. You know what I mean? you know, going going to the mom stuff, back to the mom stuff and is really like making it work in this like, which I've been told, it seems effortless to some people. You know what I mean? They're like, oh, it's so effortless. Like you're doing this, you're doing that, you're doing that. But like, I'm telling you there is no better feeling than like being able to do what you do. Love it. come home

have a little person that loves you run up to you and like hug you and kiss you and get the best of like those both world. Yeah. Like to me that's like I would think about life as like the circle of life kind of like you have your your partner

like your loved one and you have your friends and you have your family and you have your job and then you have like your kids like that's how I think about it. So to me it's just like complete you know what I mean yeah so I'm so proud of myself that like I made that work and that like I feel like it's not like a heavy lift for me like it just happens in this like really natural beautiful way where I get to do what I love I get to come home to the people I love and like there's just no better feeling in the world for me yeah I love it no okay I guess I'm

excited now. She's like, get me pregnant tonight, Taylor. Let's get to work. I know. I know. We do need to chat about it. I just saw my gynecologist last week and she was like, you're still not pregnant. And I was like, sorry.

Oh, my gosh. Wait, can I tell you guys the funniest story? And then you can come me off. So I don't even know if I want another kid. Okay, I really don't. And the other night, my husband and I were getting it on. Okay. And then he was like, got some.

scared all of a sudden that like I might get pregnant. I was like, wait, let me check my app. Like so sexy, right? I'm like, hold on. I go into my flow app. I like pull it up and it says like, it says like ovulating in six days like high chances though. Like I guess before. And then all of a sudden my brain is like Amanda, didn't you read about like a few days before means it's a girl. It means you can have a girl. Like I read that. And then I'm I'm like, but if we do it now, it's a girl. And he's like, what? Are you actually talking about?

And I was like, no, no, no, but like, I'm not. But like it says like, it's a few days before. And I read that it could be a girl. And he's like, we are not having the discussion if to have another baby like right now in this moment. Thank you. And also he was like, I didn't even know you were thinking that. And I was like, to be h, like, I didn't even know I was thinking that. Like, I'm just such a like numbers girl that the minute like I looked at my app saw the number,

remember the data. it would almost be for me as like kind of like a test to like succeed at you know what I mean like I listened to the instructions it said a few days before it was six days before like and he was like can we talk about this at another time and I was like you're a pussy just saying anyway no no great great story leaving forward check your apps girlies check I love you thank you for having me you you know what it was important to me like I wanted to do your show, but I was like, we need to do it in person. But then I was like, fine. Here's the thing. Here's the good news. Let's make a deal.

We'll do yours again in person. And then the next time you do ours again, we'll be in person. Deal. Deal. Okay. Thank you so much. Love you, Manda. Thank you.

I love you guys. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products. and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.