The Squeeze - Christina Kirkman: Life’s A Joke

Episode Date: April 30, 2025

In this week’s episode, Tay is back for another girl talk episode with actress and comedian Christina Kirkman! Christina begins by talking about competing in the “R U All That?: Nickelodeon's Search for the Funniest Kid in America” competition and winning the highly coveted spot as a regular cast member on All That at just 10 years old. She shares the reality of stepping into Hollywood so young, why she ended up leaving Nickelodeon, and the identity crisis that followed as she struggled to detach from the “All That girl” label. Christina opens up about how bullying and burnout led her to pivot toward broadcast journalism in college, but after an internship at Comedy Central, she found her way back to acting. She also talks about learning that she needs alone time to process and recharge, her experience balancing social media and the anxiety that can come with it, her habit of using comedy as a mask, and how her new podcast is helping her reconnect with herself in a more honest way.Be sure to follow Christina https://www.instagram.com/christinakirkman/!Check out Christina’s podcast “Life’s A Joke”: https://swap.fm/l/lifesajokeTo email us your questions or share your story, you can reach out to [e-mail] sure to rate, review, and follow the podcast so you don't miss an episode! Plus, follow us on Instagram:The Squeeze: https://instagram.com/thesqueeze/Tay Lautner: https://instagram.com/taylautner/Taylor Lautner: https://instagram.com/taylorlautner/& TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@thesqueezepodcastTo learn more from The Lemons Foundation, follow https://instagram.com/lemonsbytay/ and visit lemonsbytay.comEpisode Sponsors:Right now, Tonal is offering our listeners $200 off your Tonal purchase with promo code SQUEEZE.OpenPhone is offering my listeners 20% off of your first 6 months at OpenPhone.com/squeeze. And if you have existing numbers with another service, OpenPhone will port them over at no extra charge. OpenPhone: no missed calls, no missed customers.Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code SQUEEZE. Just go to nuuly.com and enter the code SQUEEZE and sign up to get $28 off your first month. Nuuly Subscription Clothing Rental. Change Your Clothes.Head to Target or Target.com to find Cremo’s new line of antiperspirants and deodorants in the Italian Bergamot and Palo Santo scents.For a limited time, Tempo is offering my listeners SIXTY PERCENT OFF your first box! Go to TempoMeals.com/SQUEEZE. Rules and restrictions may apply.Visit https://masachips.com/squeeze and use promo code SQUEEZE to get 25% off your first order today.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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You were a . This is absurd. I'm excited to like chat because I feel like I've just watched you on the internet. Hopefully I don't let you down. It was like overnight. I just went from normal suburbia girl to being on all that. I like, you had to go online and search by your last name. You find a script and mine was meeting Jay Leno.

Turned to my mom and I was like, who's Jay Leno? She had an aneurysm. And then she was like, okay. What is your social security number? That seems. If you could only use one makeup product, that's cruel. Well, there's so many steps now. Just like raw dog and a Sephora.

We'll make her a little grocery list. I did a semester in Los Angeles and I interned at Comedy Central doing bitchwork there. Reels get dropped off on my desk and being like, I'm so much funnier than this person. I was like, I'm going to finish my last semester and I'm going to move back out to Los Angeles. My like big fake-it-t-tel-you-make-it-Hawley-Hawley-Wilil. After I was in too deep, I was like, hey, I'm just letting you know. I never did. And he was like, that was savage.

How do you said boundaries? I'll let you know when I figure that out. Yeah. Hi. Thank you. Chatting before. Yeah. I feel like I really want to get a wiener dog at some point just because they're, I mean, I guess.

I mean, the balance would be hilarious with the two of them. Yeah. I know. I guess their cousin is enough. The crazy thing is, though, the dachshund will end up being like the leader. Yeah. It's like, you know, it's like, it's like me. I'm small. Maybe you relate. You kind of have like this like big person complex. Yeah. We have to overcompensate. Yeah. Same thing with the doxins. Yeah. Wow. Maybe it be good for them. Yeah. They have a little leader. Yeah. It might be. Yeah. Honestly, because they, Lily like is, like, the, Lily's more so the dominant one. Oh. Like she's the, she's the ficy one. Okay. She'll get in a fight. Because she just turns it on when she needs to turn it on. Right. Yeah. Remy is just not. She doesn't have like a mean bone. She'll stand up for herself though. If Lily like nips at her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll be like, girl. Boundaries. Yeah. Is Remy named after Rattatoui? No, I don't, she's named after this, like, beautiful, it was this really, like this black German shepherd that my husband and I had met, we're staying somewhere in Ohio. I can't even remember what it's called, but it's like this farmhouse that's like deep, deep, deep in the mountain, like no cell service, no TV, no nothing. It's like, we went for our friend's birthday because she wanted, the goop had posted about this place. And so she was like, let's do this. She's very into nature and all this stuff.

This is your toy. And so they had the guy that owned it. It was like four cottages and this guy just runs like a farm and you stay at his house essentially. He had a dog named Remington and we were wanting another dog and then I had found a photo of her because they're both rescues. The La Belle Foundation I posted a photo of her. And I was like, oh, okay.

That's Remy. Oh, hi, Remy. And then Lily's from Hi, hi, I met your mother. Of course. Right, of course. She's so cute. Okay. We should dive in in this episode. Okay, right, right. Because the dogs are going to keep distracting us. But we start each episode off with a game. It's called Citrus Got Real. Okay.

That jar has a bunch of little questions in it. If you want to pull one of those little pieces of paper out. Oh, man. Okay. Read it to our lovely lemon drops. Our lemon drops are our listeners. Got you. Okay. Okay. It is, what is your social security number? That seems. If you could only, you could only, you know, use one makeup product for the rest of your life. What would it be? That's cruel. One makeup product. It depends.

It looks really nice. Thank you. You got a nice cool. Thank you. You know what happened? I feel like I had a really good routine. Do you ever have like a really good routine and then you just are like, I'm going to change it. And then you change it and then you forget what the original routine is. So now I'm trying to figure out a new one. So thank you. Yeah. I probably lip liner because if I get a good enough color, I can also use it on my cheeks and eyeliner

and eyebrows. If I get like a Toby Brown, multi-use product. I get like a cheat. Yeah. It's like getting three wishes and asking for more wishes. So I would probably say that. Or just like a, I don't know, am I still able to get Botox if I'm using one products? Because then, you know, we'll go with liner, a lip liner. Yeah. I was going to. to say that. I'll try to think of a different one. But I don't take mine. For my birthday, my girlfriend Jacqueline Hill, she bought me all new makeup because I've been nagging her for months to like teach me how to do my makeup. Right. And she has to. Yeah. Yeah. So she ended up buying me literally just all like every foundation gets to everything. She bought me a whole new like makeup routine. And do you have a favorite?

Honestly, it's like everything. Aside from the lip liner, I did realize though on the note of that I'd been, I haven't been using good lip liner. Like she brought me makeup. I'm a marrower. I'm Those are good. And I'm like, I literally told my husband this morning. I was like, next time I, like, say I won't let filler, just tell me to line my lips. All you need to do. All you need to do. All you need to do. But aside from that, ooh, I feel like I'm torn between two concealers that she got me. A Dior concealer, which I've like never owned like a luxury. Backstage. It's like the backstage one. I don't. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very aesthetic packaging with the silver top. Yeah. That one in Westman. Yes. Concealer.

I'm obsessed with those. West Minotillia is like, I don't want to say it's under. I feel like nothing is underrated anymore because everything is just like on the internet. But West Minotillia products, they're expensive, but they're like genuinely very good products. Yeah, she's teasing me because she bought me. They make a brush that's like $120. And she was like, I know you're cheap and you would never buy yourself this brush. And then you use it and you go, you know what?

You have a point. This is actually a good rush. Yeah. Yeah. I just, I never know. Like, I don't. I grew up dancing. So like, the only thing I knew was like stage makeup.

and I don't know how to do like the glial. You're a little traumatized probably by it too. Yeah. So now she bought me this and I've actually really enjoyed like doing my makeup in the past like a week. I don't really do my makeup that often. No, it's fun. Getting a whole new thing of makeup. I will say my favorite like I talk about I spread this propaganda any chance I get.

But my favorite probably if I weren't to pick a liner makeup forever has this HD face palette. Okay. That has all of these colors. so it has concealer foundation, highlight, cheek, and then if you want to get crafty and be a scientist, you can mix the shades. So if you're a little tan, you can make the bronzer a little bit darker.

If it's the winter months, you can add some white and make it a little bit. Like, you can make your own color palette, and I use it on everything. It's like I use it for foundation, concealer, eyes, highlight, has everything. It's like my favorite product.

I hadn't used any products from them before until she bought me a skin tint from them, which I'm wearing right now. The new one. Sure. It's long and skinny. Yeah. That's brand new. Yeah. That love and a gloss. I'm not wearing it right now. Super boost. Yep. You have to try the lip liners. You have to have a good lip liners. Those are like the best lip liners. Okay. Wow. Noted. We'll make her a little grocery list. Or maybe we'll just buy it for you because you're not going to buy yourself. We'll get you some. I know. I just like, I think it's just intimidating. Yeah. It is. It's overwhelming. Like what. And she's like, oh, will you do this? Like I, she made a TikTok like going through the products and I literally watched it for. times. Yeah. Well, she, she knows me. So she wrote me little notes on everything. That's really nice. And stuff. But then the other day, I was like, hey, what order does this go in? Or how do I do it? Well, there's so many

steps now. Yeah. And I will say, like, it is nice when you get products that you can just try. It takes the pressure off of, like, just like raw dog and a Sephora and walking in there and being like, where does one go? Like, it is intimidating. Yeah. No, I very much so. But I feel more confident now. But I'm going to get that palette. Yeah, that's how it's great. That sounds nice. Yeah. Okay. I'm excited to like chat because I feel like I've just watched you on the internet for years and I love your humor and your content and your dogs. So I'm just like excited to have you here. Hopefully I don't let you down. I don't think you will. Okay. I feel like we should start just from like this whole child acting thing. What I've read about this contest that you did. Yeah. Can you tell. Can you tell me about it? Because I want to hear it. This was in 2003. It was called Are You All That The Search for the Funniest Kid in America. It was a nationwide search.

I think it was like 10,000 people total entered this. And I mean, this was like back in the day when you'd send in like VHS self-tapes. The commercial aired. I actually remember seeing the commercial because I, to this day, still watch SpongeBob. It's my favorite show of all time. And it had aired during the commercial break. And I hadn't, not to like, you know, reveal the truth, but I hadn't watched all that prior to entering the competition. And I saw the competition and my dad was sitting next to me and I'm like, oh, I should do that. And like, without two seconds to think about it, he ran downstairs, got the camera. I was like, let's do it. So we like went online. And I wasn't a child actor, right? Like there were, I would say, I mean, they did in person auditions in Los Angeles, just the big entertainment hubs. Yeah. And then everybody else could self-tape, which now looking back as somebody who acted as an adult, I'm like, they never watch the self-tapes. Like the fact that the person that won is somebody that submitted a self-tape and didn't do an in-person audition is like, that's crazy. Yeah. And obviously, predominantly, all of the kids that went to like the LA casting were child actors. And I think it probably gave me an edge that I wasn't a child actor because there was no pressure. Yeah. I like, you had to go online and search by your last name and you find a script. And mine was media.

meeting Jay Leno. And I remember I turned to my mom and I was like, who's Jay Leno? She had an aneurysm. And then she was like, okay. And it was funny. Actually, when I went to Los Angeles, he was the first person that I met at Bob's Burger. And my mom took a photo of us on her, like, brand new camera that she just got. And somebody stole the camera and I never got that photo. So I'm like, now I'm like, is it a Mandela effect? Did it actually happen? But so that was my first sketch was meeting Jay Leno. So you, you were to tape a sketch. And then I think you had to do like three or four impersonations. So I did a bunch of stuff from the Amanda show.

I did SpongeBob. I did like a rapping, breakdancing DJ. And I just sent it off. Didn't think anything of it. And then on Nickelodeon, every Friday, they would air.

I think they did. So it was 10,000. And then we got a call that we were top 100. Oh, cool. And I was like, wow, that's like pretty legit. Yeah.

And then from 100, to top five every week they would do on Nickelodeon, like they would announce, like, here's the top 10, here's the top 50, here's whatever. Yeah. And then I made top five. And then top five, we all went to Los Angeles. And each of us had to perform a sketch with members of all that. So I had Jamie Lynn Spears, Lisa Foyles, Terran Killam, Kyle Sullivan.

and I was scared shitless. Like I had never been shy my entire life. I was literally just so to ask. No, I'm horrified. It's so, I mean, again, I'm like an only child. I'm very theatrical.

So you know, like we're weird, we're quirky. I had no fear doing anything until I walked on that set that first day. And I was like, this is like, some million cameras, what feels like there's a million lights. There's all these adults. also all of my idols.

Like Amanda Bynes is just sitting there, Taryn Kill him, Jamie Lynn Spears. And it's like, okay, do your sketch. And I remember I went out there and I bombed the rehearsal. Like I knew as a kid. Yeah. Because my whole life,

I knew what I felt like to make people laugh. Yeah. And that was the first time that people didn't laugh. Yeah. And I was like, oh, that feels like shit. And I went up to the green, my dressing room, and my parents came up there and they were like,

listen. if you end up doing this and you hate it, we don't need to be here. We can leave. But we know what you're capable of. And we know that if you don't just do it and pretend no one else is here, just pretend you're in the living room with dad

and you're joking around. You will regret it. And I was like, okay, and I kind of, they gave me a pep talk. And, you know, we went into hair and makeup. We did everything.

And I went out there. And I just like absolutely killed it. I knew I killed it. And I remember after that moment, I was like, I don't care what happens. Like I was so intimidated and just like my adrenal glands were so shot that I was like, okay, just get me home now.

And then, yeah, I mean, not to, I won. So I won. And then it was so funny because we had signed an NDA and we had filmed it and it wasn't going to air for another week. At the time, I was a very competitive gymnast. And my mom, like, calls my school and my gymnastics gym. And she's like, so we don't know yet, but she might end up staying out here. And then, like, that was it.

I was just a cast member now on all that. My dad had a business at the time. So he went back to Boston. My mom quit her job on the spot. Wow. Moved out. It was with me full time. And we just, you know, worked on, like, the biggest show for kids at the time.

Wow. And it was, like, overnight. I just went from normal suburbia girl to being on all that. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. How cool that conversation with your parents, like them just giving you that little time. Yeah, I think about that. I think I have so much respect in the way that they did it too. Yeah.

Because I feel like sometimes I could go either way, right? I didn't have a stage parent because I wasn't a child actor and that's just also not how my parents rolled, you know, rolled. But, you know, they could have really pushed me. Yeah. Or they could have just been like, you know what? You're right. Let's go home. This is too much.

And I'm just really happy. they probably understood too. I have always had a lot of pride even as a young kid and they also probably knew that and I know for a fact if I never gave it my all on that take

I would have thought about it for the rest of my life so I'm really happy that they like found the way to speak to me and they were like just pretend no one's here and it's just us

in the living room and yeah I'm really grateful for that conversation where does like the humor come from are both your parents funny is that just the you came out of the womb cracking jokes or yeah i uh my dad is a traditionally goofy dude yeah like slapstick

you know i just said on my my podcast how he um he like i mean uh adam sandler jim carrie like those movies were always playing in my house just like very classic comedy yeah whereas my mom is more a little bit more cynical so she's more witty yeah so i get a little bit of my i get more of my wit from her. Yeah. And I get more of just my goofiness from him. But I've honestly, I've been like that since I was a kid. I talk to my parents now about these things. They just said like when I grew up that they would just see the things that I had a lot of passion for and they would just find the way to support it. So I was always putting on dance routines and like singing songs and performing at someone's wedding. And I always say that like literally

least since I was a kid, I have been chasing that feeling of making people laugh. It is quite literally the best feeling. There's nothing that I feel to this day that compares to when I can make people laugh. Yeah. And I've been chasing that since I was a kid. And I got a taste of it as a kid. I got a taste of it when I was on all that and just kind of been chasing it ever since. Yeah. I relate to that so much. And as you were saying that, I feel like I was like having a bit of an epiphany. Not so much of like making people laugh because I'm like not a comedian at all, but like growing up dancing and performing, like I loved performing and making people feel something. Like the performance of dance is what I love so much. And I feel like as I've kind of gotten

older and I obviously am like not dancing and performing anymore. Like how like I'm always like should I like go on Broadway? Should I act? Should I like like I miss having that like. Yeah. human interaction of like performing and making people feel something. Because I feel like when that like, I feel like that's a way of connecting with people when that kind of goes away. Totally. I'm like, well, what am I? But you can find it.

I think the really cool thing is too. And it's kind of like my journey of like from acting to content creation too is if you figure out what aspects of that you love. Yeah. You can find other avenues to achieve it. Like that feeling I always just because all I knew was acting. Yeah. So I always attributed it to like.

I'm only ever going to be able to feel that if I am acting in a traditional capacity. So to be able to achieve that doing content creation or having a podcast or like I've found other ways to achieve it. Yeah. So even if you're like, okay, listen, I can't like get back to, you know, doing dance at the level I was doing it. Like it's exhausting. There are like you just find kind of your other ways that you can get all of that fulfillment that you got as a dancer. But it's also just hard getting older because it was easier when you were younger to do sports and, you know, then you get older. you're like, I don't have a fucking time to like go to a dance class, you know? I know. I'm going to like throw my back out.

Totally. Oh, yeah. 100%. And you will. Yeah, actually. You will. I know. I've been like, I've been telling my husband that I need to like start like doing hot yoga

consistently and I want to go take it on all levels like dance class. But I feel like I need to do like a lot of yoga and stretching and build up strength before I like go and do that. Yeah. I mean, I'm not going to give you advice on that because I, uh, after many years of not doing gymnastics, I like shut up to gymastics. I like shut up to gym. gymnastics. And I was like, I literally remember, I went to the Culver School. Can I speak today? I went to

the Culver City School of Gymmastics. And it was like an open gym night. Hadn't done gymnastics since probably I was 10. And they were like, yeah, so, you know, like we stretch and then we go. And I was like, listen, please. I was almost Junior Olympics. Watch out. Through a trick, didn't stretch. Because I was like, I'm athletic. I'm fine. And then like a week later wound up in an ambulance, woke up. And they were like, on a scale from 1 to 10, what your pain level?

And I was like, 20, I had ripped my ab muscle from that day of not stretching and just throw in a full. And like, here's a thing. That's my fault. And then also, like,

the doctor's orders were like, hey, don't do anything for six months. And I was like, bet. And then like went to some obnoxious workout like three days later.

Yeah. So I also have a complex where I don't like being told what to do. So I'm never going to get better. You know, mentally. physically because I don't want to listen to anybody. But yeah, you do have to stretch. I started,

my boyfriend was the one, I love snowboarding, and I like would not wear a helmet until I started dating him. Now I'm like, wow, that was stupid. But he's like, you got to wear a helmet. Like, you look stupid. And I was like, no, it looks so much cool. I don't wear a helmet. I'm, I did look stupid. So I'm learning, you know, as I get older, you have to take precautions that maybe you could get away with not taking as a kid. Yeah. But it sucks. It's like... And then it's humbling, too. You show up to, like, that's like the hard thing is

if you get back to dance, the hardest part mentally is knowing the level that you were at and knowing that you're not going to be at that level and you have to kind of swallow your pride and take a couple steps back or more than a couple steps. And then that just deters you from wanting it to do it

because you're like, fuck, man, I used to be so good at this. I know. I know. I need to like go into it with just like wanting to do it for joy. Totally. Because I ended up going, I danced like my entire life. And then I ended up going to college four dance. Okay. I did that for a semester.

And then it was just like, I had to, I had to quit. Because it was school. I was dancing 40 hours a week. I didn't have time for a job. Like I could not breathe. Yeah. And so I was like, I'm just going to like go home. But that was really like, I mean, I kind of danced when I got home after.

But once you was like graduate high school, if you're not professionally doing, I mean, that's really with any sport. If you're not doing it at a collegiate or professional level, yeah, you're out. You're out. You'd be surprised, though. I think that you,

I think especially with dance, I think any sport in which you have to have really good body awareness, you'd be surprised how quickly you'd pick it back up. Yeah. Because it's not like riding a bike, but it's kind of close. Yeah. You know, it's just body awareness.

Yeah. The issue is knowing when to say, like, hey, I can't do that today. Because then I just get so carried away and I'm like, yeah, yeah, no, I'm doing so good today. Let's throw it. And then I keep going and then the next morning I can't walk. And, you know, no, always. It's always in that cycle. Let's be honest, we all have a million things we worry about every day. Getting in a good workout shouldn't be one of them. Enter tunnel.

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That's N-U-U-L-Y dot com, newly with two U's with code squeeze. Newly subscription clothing rental, change your clothes. So how long were you on the show for? So I was on from 10 to 12. At that time, all of the Nickelodeon shows were all kind of interconnected. So I, like, we would all kind of be on each other's shows. We'd all go to award shows together. I was also in New York a lot because of the time we had You Pick Live.

I mean, it's Slime Time Live. So there was a lot more. I don't really know what the state of like Nickelodeon and Disney is. right now for child actors. But during that time, they were really good at, like, if you weren't shooting an episode, you were doing some kind of press or promo

or, like, swapping and going on someone else's show. So we were always kind of intermingled. But I came back, I want to say I officially came back when I was 13. And just, like, I was like, I'm never doing that again. I'm staying. staying far away from it.

Yeah. Was there something that made you want to step back? Coming home. My experience was wonderful. Sometimes I feel guilty saying that because I know a lot of people didn't have a wonderful experience, just being a child actor. But I was very lucky that I wasn't a child actor, so I didn't have that pressure at the time. Yeah. And I was fortunate enough that I had a guardian with me 24-7, which really is like, that's, and it's so funny. I have people talk to me all the time. Like, oh, my daughter or my son wants to do this. You know, what's your advice? I'm like, watch. Just be with them all the time. This isn't something where you just drop your kid off and, like, you go to work. And it's out of sight of care. It's a full-time job for you. Yeah. So I was really lucky that I had that. And I had, it was honestly the first time that I felt really seen. And maybe you relate to this being like,

a more colorful only child, but I was so theatrical and like sometimes just obnoxious and I really just like marched to the beat of my own drum that I had, I knew who I was at a very, very early age and I think that confused a lot of young kids. Yeah. So I always had a really hard time. I felt like kind of relating to people and finding friends. And being on the show was the first time where I was like, I feel seen. We're all doing the same thing. Honestly, the weirder you are, the better at your job you are. So it was like celebrated to be weird.

We all had a common denominator, which was we love to entertain. We love to be funny. So like that experience was so great to go through that and then be thrown back to suburbia after being on the biggest television show and just like, okay, now we're just going to plop you back in a public school. It was hell. I mean, it was like really terrible. Yeah, it just made me very, very resentful.

I completely went into a shell. And although I still always knew who I was, I turned it off completely. I turned it off. I didn't want to draw any additional attention to myself. Because no matter what I did, no matter what other hobbies I did, being the all that girl was now my brand for every. Anywhere I went anywhere. If I, like, went somewhere I wanted to meet someone, oh, aren't you the, you're on all that.

You're all that girl. It was like, I could not escape it. And I basically just spent like the next chunk of my life trying to detach from it and create a new identity. And it was really, really hard. I also think, too, that's when like being an only child was a little bit hard. I loved being an only child growing up because I got all the attention. I got to, you know, do all the stupid stuff.

And if I had a gymnastics competition in, you know, a random. place, my parents could pick up and go because they didn't have another kid. Whereas that was the point where I'm like, oh, this is kind of hard being an only child because I don't really have anybody here to share this experience. And although my parents would try to relate, I'm like, you don't get it. Like, this is, I'm trying to be normal and blend in and I can't no matter what I do. So that experience coming home was pretty brutal for me. Yeah. I mean, I love that you're like, how old were you when you were like able to like really like process that that took me a long time i went to emerson um which is you know there's a lot of kids um of actors that go there's a lot of kids that go there's a lot of

kids that are semi connected to traditional hollywood yeah so i felt a little bit more seen in college um and then honestly i mean it took me a really long time my i totally resented acting i wanted nothing to do with it for a really long time. I was like, I'm never going to do that again. And then I just, again, I went to school for broadcast journalism because I loved being on camera. Yeah. And I just felt really safe on camera because that's kind of what I knew. Yeah. So I went to I went to school for broadcast journalism because it was like a perfect mix for me. I'm like, okay, I'm learning how to edit and produce and I'm learning other stuff alongside also being able to be on camera. So that was my perfect balance.

But it really wasn't until my senior year, I did a semester in Los Angeles and I interned at Comedy Central. And I remember I was just like, you know, I was doing bitch work there and I was cutting people's reels and we did Comedy Central. I don't even know. Adult swim. I don't know what else we did. But like workaholics was on at the time and I was cutting some of their stuff. And I remember watching like some of these comedian, comedians like reels get dropped off on my desk and being like, I'm so much fucking funnier than this person. What am I doing? I need to do this. And that was the moment that I was like, fuck it, I'm going to finish this.

I'm going to go back. I'm going to finish my last semester. And I'm going to move back out to Los Angeles. So it really wasn't until my senior year of college that I was ready to do it again. Yeah. Do you feel like you just presented it because of the attention that it brought you just from people? Yeah. I mean, it was just a different.

I like the Were you teased for it or was it just more of like death threats Yeah I mean restraint like it was bad Yeah it was bad Oh my gosh Yeah it was it's so I'm very grateful That we didn't have social media

Like I tried to Oh my gosh yeah But it was a very different beast at the time I mean it was just different Yeah If you were on television you were famous Now everyone's famous Everyone like you could be a teacher

And then also have like a huge following on the internet Like everybody is kind of famous It's especially in L.A. Like, everyone's famous. So back then, it was like, if you're on television, you're famous. And there was no social media. There were message boards, which, I don't know, some of my message boards, I feel like would put, like, some of these TikTok comments to shame. Because it was just ruthless.

It was just people. Because also, there's more technology now that we can track people. Like, back then, you could really be anonymous if you wanted to be anonymous and say some crazy shit. Yeah, oh my God. People would leave me voice memos saying some voicemails saying some really effed up shit what they were going to do to me and my family. It was bad. It was, it was pretty bad.

People at school, I mean, this is like stupid, but when I was in high school, I got it really bad in high school. And I dated a guy and he was number 20 was his. number on like all this and hockey and whatever other fucking sports you did. And I'll never forget anytime we would go into like I remember specifically hockey games like big naped like championship games the entire the second I would walk into that door by myself the entire place would chant hey 20 your girl's not funny. And they would just chant it all the way until I would walk and take my seat. And I would just sit there and look around and like what. It was just

mortifying. It's mortifying. Now if that happened, I'd be like, oh, okay, guys. But like, I was so insecure. Yeah. So to be wildly insecure and then have everybody just constantly looking at you and saying things and making judgments about you. And then it's hard because you're not giving people your authentic self because you're insecure and you're also just like really guarded. So then people will be like, oh, she's so rude. I'm like, I'm just going through it. Like I can't, you know, I'm giving people now a false representation of who I am because I'm just trying to like stay alive essentially.

Your walls are like so far up. You're not letting it. Totally. So I would say the attention, people were really cruel. I feel like I didn't matter what I did. There was no purpose to anything else that I did because I was forever just going to be

all that girl and that kind of sucked. And I also just like wanted to be a high school girl. I wanted to just, I was going to a new school in a new town. I knew nobody. And the day that I walked into that school, I was already all that girl, you know? So I just, it followed me and I, it, that was really hard. I felt like I never got to show people who I was or make my own narrative because it was already kind of written for me. Yeah. Yeah. Kids are not nice. No, they're, they're not. They're not. Taylor has some like similar things because he did Shark Boy and Lama Girl and he was 12 and then was in public school. Yeah. All literally was in public school until, until, and, public school until like twilight had just come out and he was still in high school public school

he got it bad and then it was like yeah it was it was it was yeah I mean it was just there was terrible there was phones then yeah and so like everyone was like post in and he was like okay well I need to leave here yeah but yeah I just do would you want your kids to act um yeah uh yeah I I I would you want your kids to act um yeah uh uh yeah I I I would follow them. Listen, I would want my kids to do if I would never plant the seed of anything, to be honest with you. I liked that my parents never planted any seeds. I just naturally discovered interests and then I did more of that. I'm a firm believer in like exposure kid to everything. And then whatever you notice the passion, do more of that. Like I remember my mom put me in

ballet or my mom was a big ballerina. She was a big dancer. She put me in dance. And day one, the teacher came up to my mom and was like, hey, I think your daughter would be better off in gymnastics because it's day one. We're trying to teach basics. And she was in the corner doing handstands and cartwheels. So my mom was like, great, take her out of dance, put her in gymnastics. So, like, kids will show you what they want and what they like. I, yeah, if there are anything like me, they're going to want to entertain.

Yeah. And I would always want to give them the space to do that. whether that be acting, whether that be something else. But yeah, I mean, that's such a hard thing to think about. Because I had a great experience. Yeah. You know, being on a show. Yeah.

It's just the aftermath, especially with the Internet. Yeah. There's no handbook on how to deal with it either. Like, my parents didn't have a rule. They didn't know any of this was going to happen. I was like the guinea pig for them. So, yeah, I mean, if they want to entertain, fuck it. Yeah, let's do it.

Yeah. I know. Taylor's always like, our kids are never acting. Yeah. He had a great experience, but it's just all of this stuff is coming out. The world is, yeah. And the world is exhausting. And it really is as the parent, it's a full-time job for the parent.

You have to be at every audition, every, and there's so much work. I don't think a lot of people understand how much work goes into just the auditioning process. That's a full-time job. in and of itself and you're not even getting paid yet. Then when you book a job and you're on set six, eight months and you're sitting in your trailer for 12 hours a day, it's a full-time job for the parent. It's definitely a huge responsibility for the parent to take on. So I can also understand that point of view too.

Yeah. But I tell them the same thing. I'm like, we don't need to put them in it. Yeah. We both love this. Totally. Odds are they're going to come out once. Or they just go the complete opposite way.

Yeah. Which is like... I know. That's what Taylor brings for every night. He was like, dear God. And he wants girls too. I'm like, honey, I think they're really going to want to be performing. I'm like, we can just put them in dance.

It's fine. Yeah, right. I'm curious, do you feel like you have any only child quirks that you've figured out later in life? Like, for me, I recently, probably in the past couple years, realized that I need a lone time in silence. You just realized that in the past couple years? Well, I knew I needed it, but I didn't know why I needed it. Someone asked me if they. if they felt like I needed more alone time to like process and like recharge. And I was like because

of being an only child. And I was like, oh, I've never like thought about that. And then once I actually like sat down and realized it, I was like, oh, like I really need like Taylor. We could be in the same room all day and he would like be totally fine. But I like I need I need a separation for some part of like the day. Even like that's that's my whole brand. I actually was just saying this on a podcast that I remember. in college the first time I lived with people, I had, you have nothing else to compare to because I'm an only child and then I'm living with other people. And at the end of a full day of class, I would walk in. I'm still best friends with these girls to this day. I'd walk in and I'd go right to my room and shut

the door. And after months of living with them, they like kind of had an intervention with me. And they're like, why? Every time you come home, you don't sit in the living room and talk to us. And I'm like, oh my God, this is not anything against you guys. I need to go recharge. And I need to be alone. And I am also learning about other people. Like I have some people in my life that come from really big families and they need to be around people. Even like you said, if they're not talking, they need to know someone's there. I need complete solitude. Not anybody in the room. I don't care for not speaking. I need to be in, like by myself, alone, zero communication. For a large, I actually prefer I used to go out to eat all the time by myself and people would be like, how do you do that? Taylor does that to me all the time.

The best thing. He's like, you're going to go get lunch. Like, I remember when he, he hasn't been gone, like, filming things for a few years. But when he was on, I was like, I'm going to go, like, out to dinner and get sushi. He's like, by yourself. I'm like, yeah.

He's like, really? Like, then again, he doesn't do anything by himself. But I was like, yeah, he's like, but isn't that like, Oh, it's the best. Yeah. Oh, I'm on the same page. It's the best. Yeah.

No, I, I, I, I, I. I also really have to. I've learned. I really just have to have people in my life that understand that about me. Yeah. Because I can't, I've had to be in so many situations where I've had to explain like, I'm not mad at you. I like to be alone. And I'm like, I can't do that anymore. You just have to understand that about me and know that it's never malicious and give me grace. I need a lone time. Yeah. Yeah. My new thing that I've recently discovered is I get quiet in group settings. Yeah. People think you're mad. People, yeah, people think that I'm like upset about something or being bitchy and I'm something that I need to work on because clearly people are still thinking this. But like my close friends now, like if I speak up, they're like, oh, we say girlte and boyte. That's like like things.

Oh, girlte's talking. And I'm like, it's funny because I don't speak. But it's weird because I feel like I had like a shift because as a kid I was like the loudest one. Your social battery can go a little bit longer as a kid. Yeah. I was like wanting to like talk and like be the center of attention being the only child. And now I'm like, I need to recharge. Yeah.

You're like, yeah, I was quiet because I was trying to catch a quick 10 minute nap to recharge to enter this conversation. I do the same stuff. It's such interesting. I think there's also I put a lot of pressure on myself because I, I'm either very, very quiet on my own or I'm life of the party doing handsans at the bar. but people that just see that or see that on the internet, I think have that expectation of me. And then I get really in my head when I show up and I can't be on

that, oh man, was that what they thought they were going to get and they didn't get it? Because sometimes I can't give that. Or sometimes I can only give it for so long. And that's who I am. Like that persona is so me, but it's so me while also existing with these other parts of me.

But sometimes people just see that part. So I'm always insecure that they expect that for me all the time. And it's just not sustainable for me to give that all the time. Yeah. That's so real. Yeah. Okay, ladies, I cannot be the only one that struggles with getting my husband gifts. I just feel like men can be so hard to shop for.

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That's M-A-C-H-I-P-S-com slash squeeze and use promo code squeeze to get 25% off. has your relationship with social media and the internet been now? Like being a content creator and putting yourself out there. Like how do you set boundaries? I'll let you know when I figure that out. I think people would be very shocked to hear that I am a very anxious person. I get very easily overwhelmed. My thing is, ever since I was a kid, I've always had something to prove. I don't know where it comes from. I've always wanted to do everything all at once at the highest level. So I dump everything so much on my plate and then I put so much pressure on myself to complete it. So I'm constantly in a state of anxiety. I've also found that when I'm really anxious or I'm in a bad place,

I bury myself in my work. And I think a lot of that, some self-reflecting that I've been trying to do, is that sadly I sometimes measure my worth and my purpose through my work. And that's hard. The internet, as somebody that is actually really sensitive, the internet is hard.

some days I am totally fine it's like a day by day but I'll give you an example somebody wrote a comment yesterday on one of my videos and said I was in an elevator

with you once and I said hi and you ignore me you were a cunt and I spiraled over this comment for like six hours and my boyfriend's like why are you spiraling

like this is like this is absurd because the reality is I had never seen this girl in my life If that did happen If I were in the elevator Either I didn't hear her I would never blatantly ignore anybody

Never I say hi to everybody I'm very bubbly Like I'm very friendly I'm like well it depends If you were in the elevator with me When I lived with the toxic X Maybe I was spiraling If maybe I had my headphone

Like there's so many things That could have happened I know I would never ignore anybody But you had this one experience And you put it on the internet and now it's this thing that people can jump on if they want. And for me, what's really hard is anytime you do anything in public, you have to be okay with other people writing the narrative.

And you just have to be so secure in who you are that you don't let it get to you. I'm fine when people say anything about my physical appearance, the content I make. If I'm annoying, I don't care. Like, I am not put up. on this earth to have everybody like me, whatever it may be. I don't care. But when people write things that are not true or go against my character or it's something I just would never do, it's so hard for me not to defend myself. But I'm also learning if you get in the habit of defending yourself, oh, now you're vulnerable. Now that's what they want you to do, right? Because now it

causes discourse. So that has been a really challenging thing of like, I just have to, I know who I the people in my life know who I am. Yeah. And I have to accept that anybody can write anything and can say anything. And when you put yourself out there and you do something in public, it's inevitable. Yeah. That's been something that's, and anytime I do a new venture that, like, adds another spotlight, I have this wave of anxiety.

Yeah. Of, and I don't read a lot of my comments, but then I'll see one. And 99.9% of everything I get is so nice and so supportive and so kind, always. But it'll just take that one. Yeah. And you're like, fuck, that sucks. You know what I mean? Like I pride myself on being kind.

And if you're an asshole, I'm not going to go out of my way to be nice to you. You know what I mean? But like, I just pride myself on my character. So that sucks. But it was the same thing if I were acting. You know, it's like. I've realized that the things that I love to do, the downside of them is they typically fall in like a public forum. Yeah.

Because I love to entertain and I love to do things that are typically public. Yeah. So it's just an occupational hazard that I'm learning how to deal with. And I think it's important to have people in your life that keep you grounded and keep you on the straight and narrow and don't have you. I spiral all the time. Like I'll just start doom scrolling or I'll, you know, whatever it is. is. I definitely deal with anxiety in like very toxic ways. So I think just being aware of it when it happens and being like, okay, put the phone away, go to bed, stop scrolling, stop doom scrolling.

Helps me. But that's definitely been a hard thing. I think also the other hard thing is my whole brand is being as transparent as I can. And now that I have a podcast, I want to be super transparent. But it's hard because so many of my stories and things in my life also have to do with other people. I'm not in in this world by myself. Yeah. So then it's this responsibility of I want to tell my stories and my experience while also being respectful to my partner and my friends and my family. So that like finding that line is something that I'm learning how to navigate to. Yeah.

Okay. Let's talk about your podcast. Yes. Where did the name come from? Where did the idea? I know I know you're talking about that. It's like something that's keeping you like vulnerable and accountable. Yeah.

Tell me about it. Um, so my dad's business name growing up was Life's a Joke. Um, oh, so he's, he's, he's fun. Yeah. Well, you know what? He's kind of like he's, my dad has a really good attitude is what it is. Like, my dad has always been really good at, I never saw my dad getting upset about things. Like, he was really good with just rolling with the punches. Like, he was so, he was like the epitome of what Life's a Joke is about, like really just. And my parents have been through some shit. And, like, he was really just. And my parents have been through some shit. And, he was. And, he was really. And my parents have been through some shit. And they, my, you know, my mom spirals like me. But my dad is just really good at having, just knowing that what's meant to be will work out. Yeah. And that's kind of just always been his attitude. So his business name growing up was Life's a Joke. And then two years ago, I was naming my business.

And I was like, Dad, I'm going to take Life's Joke. And he was like, oh, my God, of course. And I'll never forget him and my mom came out to visit me. And he gifted me his original LFSAJK license plate from 2000. two or three, which is now framed above my chair. Yeah. Yeah. I have LFSA, JK, tatted on my funny, my funny bone.

Oh my gosh. So when I was doing the podcast thing, I came up with the name. I like, you know, wrote something. And I was like, I don't know. And then I just like woke up in the middle of the night. And I'm like, oh, my God, life's a joke. It's been in my life forever. It's like the epitome of everything that happens because the whole thing what

is life is a joke too is I'm very, like, very confident and secure in my comedy. And the reality is that most people that are in that position, they use comedy as a mask or as a tool. And that's exactly what I do. I like, ha ha, make a joke. Everything's fine. And then deal with the repercussions like six months later. So it's one of those things where, again, sometimes things are funny. Sometimes they're not.

You know, and it's just kind of how you react to things. And sometimes I'm able to laugh things off. That's what the internet sees more times. But also sometimes I spiral. and I feel a responsibility because the internet sees so much of my laughing things off being confident side that there's a responsibility I feel to show that that also goes hand in hand with some real shit because I never want to give people the impression that I'm just always confident. I have everything figured out.

Life is kosher. Oh, shit didn't go my way. No big deal. Like there is context to that. So my podcast, I mean, it's also just, I've filmed now, what, six episodes? I've been finding that it's helped also hold me accountable because I have to be vulnerable. I don't really like opening up about things.

I have anxiety before I shoot every episode because I'm like, oh my God, this is like a lot that I'm going to share or talk about and what if people don't like it or what if they have something to say or what if I went too much? Like I'm way more in my head about it, but it's good for me.

It's good for me to be a little uncomfortable and to do something that's a little bit less predictable than social media has gotten. me. Yeah. So yeah, it's kind of just, you know, comedy is definitely a tool that I bring with me in every different obstacle in life. Sometimes I use it to laugh through the pain and sometimes I use it to mask it and, you know, just kind of our collective knee-jerk reaction to things in our life. Also, just I think I give great advice. I don't take it. Let's like I definitely don't take it. But I think I give great advice. Like I was always the friend in our group that like everybody called

if something went wrong. And I always loved being that person. So I feel like I have some interesting insight on things. So, and I didn't relate to a lot of podcasts, especially in my 20s. Yeah. So I just wanted a place that maybe people who also feel like that could feel seen. Yeah. And then, yeah, now we're doing it. Yeah. Are you liking it? Like, no, I love it. Yeah. I really do. It's, I just had a lot of anxiety about it. It's something that's so big. I'm so green at it. I have no experience. I just, it's something that I just, it's something that I, had to just do. Yeah.

But that was kind of how I felt before I started social media. And I think it's important to make sure you're always challenging yourself. And when something becomes predictable, try something else. Yeah. It's a good way for me to connect. It's also just like a nice therapy session for me. Because sometimes I'll start talking about things and I'll be like, I didn't even remember. Like, I never even remember that until I just started talking about it.

Yeah. Or I'll notice how I react, how my body reacts. Like I filmed an episode the other day and my friend was helping me film it. and like 10 minutes in, I looked and I was like, you got to hit stop. I got to, you get to give me like 20 minutes. Like I was having like heart palpitations because I had so much anxiety talking about it. And I didn't realize. And this is something that had happened in 2015.

And I hadn't realized how much anxiety about it I was still holding on to because I hadn't talked about it since. So we stopped the episode. I also like chugged in Alani knew, which probably didn't help. But I was like tweaking out. But it's also just reminding me like, oh, maybe that is still giving you anxiety. Yeah. And maybe you should deal with it, you know?

So it's good for me too. And I have fun. And it's a way for me to be creative in a different way. So I feel like you give a lot of good advice. I've listened to a few. Thank you. One of the things I really like that you said that I related to is about like the manifesting. Yeah. Like it's more of like the why. Yeah. The why not the what. And I feel like I relate to that. Because last year I set like a big like goals person. Like I love like writing my little things out. And I had goals on there that literally like they weren't in my power to achieve. them like someone else had to like cast me for dancing with the stars or like something like that like so you must have hated my episode I did because I tore up goals having goals no yeah yeah it's I I I enjoyed

it because I feel like it gives a different perspective because totally it's the way you have to like approach them yeah totally is that but the why I really I just like related to so much and like dancing with the stars for example like I would love to do that someday and I think the reason like it's not necessarily dancing with the stars that I'm like it's not necessarily dancing with the stars that I want to do. It's I want to entertain again. I want to be like dancing and performing again. So like I figured out that what the why was for me are like different goals I have. Like it's actually the why that I'm wanting. Yeah. It's like this thing. And it's important to remember because a lot of the goals and things that we set for ourselves like we actually like majority of them are out of our power to achieve. Like you can like I can like I can

like star in a movie with whoever. And that's like, that's great. I can put as much effort as I can into auditioning and doing all the stuff. But like, the end of the day. Someone's got to cast. Like, it's not your decision to be cast in the movie. It's going to be that person.

So. Oh, I'd love to hear that. That makes me feel good that like you were able to make that. Because that's, I mean, that's just kind of what I went through. Same thing. Right. I'd be like, I want to be on SNL. I want to have my own multi-camp sitcom.

Like all of these like really big things. And while those were great. the reality is if those things happen, it's going to take me a long time to get there. What can I do in the mean? Like, I feel like we just always move our goalpost. Yeah. And then we're just never happy because I was always like, when I'm a series regular again, I'll be happy.

Okay, well, in let's say it takes you 15 years, what the fuck are you doing in those 15 years to make you happy? You're just going to, like, yes, put everything into that thing. But you should also figure out, okay, what is it about that thing that I love? How can I find a way to do something. similar in the interim before that happens. And then also just the way that the world works is the second you kind of become unmarried to something, that's when the opportunity happens. When you're an actor, a struggling actor, you have to be a little bit of a pick me. You have to be,

I'll do anything, pick me, love me, I'll color my hair, I'll spend $8,000 on headshots. Like, what do you need? I'll do it. I'll do it. And then you don't work because you're desperate. And like just how the universe works and knows that the second, the second for me in my journey, I have been able to like, be like, okay, I'm going to achieve the things I like over here and I'll just keep this here still. And I don't need it as my meal ticket now because I found other things that I can work at. Yeah. Those opportunities started happening. You know, so it's also just, and that goes for dating. If you're single and you're like, I'm ready to meet my husband. You're not going to meet your husband. Go around and be like, I want to be in my hope.

phase and then you'll meet your husband. You know, it's the same kind of psychology. So that's why it's like, you don't have to be, you don't have to be unhappy. Yeah. Until you meet your goals. Like, do the other things that make you happy. And then that'll be an extra bonus when you achieve it. Yeah. It's so good. I love that. I, yeah, I actually, my like big fake It till you make at Hollywood story was, I was a big consumer of video games. Still to this day, like my only genre that I really watch is animation and cartoons. and always played video games growing up, always watch animation.

Wasn't until I moved back to Los Angeles in 2015 that people would stop me and be like, oh, do you do voiceover work? And I was like, I didn't even know really that was like, I did like a little bit of voiceover work when I was on all that, but I don't, like, I don't even remember. But so many people would be like, oh, you'd be great.

A voice over what you sing. Do you speak different languages? I'm like, no, no. And I remember I was blindly submitting to just every agency in Los Angeles. Like, hey, like, just hilarious. like, hey, no, I haven't acted in 12 years. I know I look a little different, but like, you should rep me and I'm going to be successful.

So I'm just blindly submitting to like the biggest agencies, the smallest agencies, just like everywhere. Yeah. I get a response from a bigger one that I was like, I did not think they were going to see my shit. Within minutes, I get a response. And they're like, oh, my God, we love your voice. Do you have a voice over reel? I don't have a voice over real. I've never worked a voice over job.

I was at Trader Jails. I'll never forget. But I went to school for broadcast journalism and I can cut and edit seamlessly. So I write back and I say, you know what? I do have one. I'm out right now. Can I send it to you when I'm home in like an hour? He wrote back, great.

Went home, wrote a bunch of copies. Did a bunch of like voices. I did like a Bravo intro. I did like an old Navy commercial like pretended like I had done these jobs. Did animation. Added some sound effects. Edit it. We'll never forget.

Sent it off. And I was like, this is my voiceover job. Basically, if this is like, if you're listening to this and you're like, what is basically when you have a reel, it's jobs that you've worked. It's like bits of jobs that you've actually worked and been paid to do. So I made it all up.

I didn't book an old Navy commercial. Like I just wrote it, slapped it. I was like, yeah, here you go. And they were like, great,

we'd love you to come in and meet all of our agents. And I walked in and there was about 12 of them because it was two for animation, two for video games, two for, narration, like a bunch of people.

And I like sit at the desk and I was like, oh yeah. And they're like, we love your voice. Yeah, yeah. Okay, great. You're signed. And then the booth director who then later on ended up leaving him being my manager or ended up being a manager and took me with him after I was in too deep. I was like, hey, I'm just letting you know.

I never did any voiceover. And he was like, that was savage. Like that was my fake until you make it. And nobody ever knew. And I just lied about the whole thing. You need to, is that something you'd want to do? Yeah, I love voiceover. Okay.

I'm actually, actually, I am doing a voiceover job for the first time next week in what's been years. Um, I miss it. A voiceover is so cool because there's, especially if you love acting, there's no ego in voiceover. You show up. There's no like waiting room like where everyone's like sussing each other out. We're all in sweatpants. Like, it's usually a bunch of day.

ads that do like all the voices. And then you just have so much fun. It's like so physically exhausting doing voiceover because you're actually, especially if you're doing like action or anything like that. Like you're actually doing all these movements and the studio is hot, but it's so fun. I love voiceover. So that's, you know, eventually I'll add it to me. Oh my gosh. I know. Taylor loves it. He's done it a few times. He hasn't done in years. Yeah. He's like, that's the best dying to do. Yeah. Because he just like loves it. It's like the best day of the office. Like you just show up in sweats. You just yell. into a mic for six hours, seven hours, then you go home.

It's the best. It's so good. Well, this was fun. This was fun. Thanks for chatting. I kind of realized that I kind of forgot we were like filming it. Yeah, I did too. It was really nice.

This was like a nice Friday. This was a nice way to kick off a Friday. I know. I love this for us. Well, thanks for coming. Yeah, thanks for having me. So fun. This was fun.

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