The Squeeze - Ciara Miller: Knowing When to Walk Away

Episode Date: February 18, 2026

In this week’s episode, Tay sits down with model, TV personality, and former ICU nurse Ciara Miller! Ciara opens up about her time on Summer House and teases what fans can expect from the new season. She also shares what her experience on The Traitors was really like behind the scenes and how filming it differed from being on Summer House. She opens up about navigating public opinion, handling hate, and the boundaries she sets with social media to protect her mental health. Ciara takes us back to the beginning of her nursing career — why she started in the ICU, what drew her to that high-pressure environment, and how she ultimately faced burnout. She talks candidly about going back and forth between nursing and reality TV, the moment she knew she was ready to step away from bedside care, and the role therapy, including ketamine therapy, has played in her healing. Be sure to follow Ciara https://www.instagram.com/ciaramiller___/!To email us your questions or share your story, you can reach out to [e-mail] sure to rate, review, and follow the podcast so you don't miss an episode! Plus, follow us on all of our socials:The SqueezeInstagram: https://instagram.com/thesqueeze/TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@thesqueezepodcastTay LautnerInstagram: https://instagram.com/taylautner/TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@mrstaylautnerAmazon Storefront https://urlgeni.us/amazon/FDXj7 Taylor LautnerInstagram: https://instagram.com/taylorlautner/TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@taylorlautnerTo learn more from The Lemons Foundation, follow https://instagram.com/lemonsbytay/ and visit https://lemonsbytay.comEpisode Sponsors:Save 20% Off Honeylove by going to honeylove.com/THESQUEEZE! #honeylovepodRight now, Tonal is offering our listeners $200 off your Tonal purchase with promo code SQUEEZE.Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com/go/squeeze! #squarepodGrab Goodwipes at Target or Walmart so you can upgrade your restroom routine! As a special offer for The Squeeze listeners, Goodwipes is giving you your first pack for FREE! Buy any package in store, text them your receipt, and get reimbursed almost immediately. For more details, head to goodwipes.com/SQUEEZE.Find your favorite flavor at PremierProtein.com.MB014GJJJKQV82RSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The following podcast is a dear Media production I'm on Prozac for like a year now and it's amazing. I'm like, why did I ever bra dog this life?

Okay. What are you going to say? We're not scripted. We're actually all genuinely nuts. They're like how much of it is real, how much of it is fake? And I'm like, it's all real. I just turned 30.

I was a baby. I can't believe I was 24 when I filmed my first season. What can fans expect to see? Season 10. We feel like it's like a big milestone season. I want to talk about traders. Was this the bugs? I hate bugs.

I would watch it and I would be like, I know I was there. Like, what actually, what happens? What did I do? People would ask me what my strategy was, and I was like, I don't have a strategy. We're under 24-7 surveillance when we're in the house. So, like, you forget things. I mean, like, I don't go on Reddit.

Oh, no, no, no. Reddit is like, it's too much. Oh, my gosh, gay, we get to talk to. Yes. All my teachers and nursing were like, you won't be able to start in the ICU. And I was like, okay, watch me. It's crazy how night shift screws your, like, circadian rhythms up so much. That is, like, a big part of, like, why I struggled so much

my mental health because I was just working nights that whole time. Tough exterior, cry baby. People think that like I'm not like a feeler, but I literally cry all the time at everything. I would definitely tell myself to believe in myself a little more, you know, but I don't think I would go back and change anything necessarily. Okay, lemon drops, how are we doing? We're halfway through our week. Hope it's going well. Let's keep pushing through. We are almost there. It's nice and rainy where I am. I know half of this country is probably like it's not nice and rainy because you're probably just in freezing cold weather. but we finally are getting some rain here in California, which is very nice and cozy. But anyways, this episode today I am so excited about because I have actually been a fan of our guest for quite some time, Miss Sierra Miller. You may know her from Summer House or her season of Traders. I was first introduced to Sierra on Traders Season 3 and I just loved her. I love her personality. I love her style. I just felt like I really vived with her. And it makes sense because she, is actually a nurse. As you can imagine in this episode, we dive into all things summer house,

all things traders, and especially into her nursing career. We bonded over all things nursing, over ICU, working through COVID, and we really got deep with both of our stories. And honestly, it was so refreshing because I feel like I haven't had nurse to nurse conversation in a while. So that was so fun to have. We also dive into Sierra's mental health, what it's been like for her being a reality TV personnel and how that has affected her mental health, what it's been like to experience online hate, how she sets boundaries with it. She also opens up about recently starting Prozac and how that has just changed her life. I loved her and we just had the best time.

I feel like it was the perfect combination of girl chat yappy to also deep, heartfelt conversation. And I can't wait for you guys to hear it. I hope you enjoy. Well, Sierra, welcome to the squeeze. Oh my God, thanks for having me. I'm so excited because I feel like we randomly have a lot in common with nursing background. Yeah.

No, I literally said the same thing. I was like, that's so interesting. She's nursing background. We're both. Yeah. You know? I'm excited to dive into that. But we start each episode off with this jar.

It's a little game called Citrus Got Real. Okay. You want to pull a little piece of paper out of there and read it to our lemon drops. those are our lovely listeners. Okay. Are you an early bird or a night owl? I'm the night owl. Like I am watching the gates at night. Like 2 a.m., 3 a.m.

I feel like I come alive. I have the best ideas. And I want to be a morning person so bad. When do you wake up in the morning? Like 10.30, 11. Because I'm up so late. Because you're up so late. But like I'm trying to be a morning person.

I like just turned 30 and I'm like, I can't wait to start waking up. you know, the crack of dawn for no reason. Yeah. It hasn't happened yet, but. I'm the opposite. You're a morning person. Yeah. I like just, I wake up and I'm like ready to go.

I'm, no. I'm like, I need at least two hours to like get my life in order to get my thoughts right. I can't just like an alarm is not good. Yeah. I snooze it. Yeah. I don't know what it is. My husband is not.

He's the opposite of me. Yeah. And that's always like the biggest fight in our marriage is I'm like, 10 p.m. comes by and I'm like, okay, let's lay down. One more episode because he, I don't know what your thoughts are on this, but he's a no like TV or movie in bed, I think because he knows a whole asleep, but we watch everything on the couch. Yeah. And then I go into bed. I believe in doing everything in bed. Like, yeah, that's watching TV. Yeah. Everything. But I do love a couch situation. Yeah. I feel like your couch should be an extension of the bed.

It should be comfortable. I don't believe in like designer couches that are like for show. Yeah. It has to be. No. Super deep. Yeah. You have to lounge.

Yeah. Especially I have two dogs. I don't know if you have pets. Yes. There's no like nice couch because we just let we have two big dogs and we just let them like rum. Exactly. Yeah. No, I have a cat and he scratches.

Yeah. You can't. So I mean it's, I mean, he has his own scratch post but you know. Yeah. No. They can't really tell a cat what to do. do the scratch post they literally do everything else yeah but that yeah um okay i want to talk about traitors because are you watching the season okay i'm not watching this season but like i i've been

keeping up with it on threads and just like i haven't had the time because i like to binge watch something like all at once yes because i'm i'm like i don't want to be on a cliffhanger yeah is even when it was on my season i it's i would watch it and i would be like i know i was there but like what actually What happens? What did I do? Yeah. That's so funny. How did you seen the show before when you got cast for it?

Did you then like start doing your research? Well, I tried to. I didn't watch before. My manager called me. He was like, so do you want to go to Scotland in four days for traders? And I was like, I'm like, I don't know. I was like, I've never even seen the show. I start watching an episode.

And then I like down. Then I'm like trying to get ready for it. And then I download it all. because I was like, maybe I'll just watch it on the plane on the way to Scotland. Yeah. I didn't download it right. So then I didn't even really get to see like a good number of episodes before being thrown into it because like they take your phones and everything. And so I kind of just had to wing it.

But like had I known that people like had these personas and these like big. Yeah. Like it was an acting gig basically. I would have put on a persona. I was just myself and I was like, this is. I think I played the game all wrong. I mean, I lasted a good time, but. No, I feel like you did get.

We're, we are rewatching season three. Because I feel like, I feel like your season is kind of better than this season. Okay. People have also. Yes. It's meant to the, well, I think, I think it's two things. I think one, I think your season had a lot more gamers on it.

A ton of gamers. I know, I know quite if you got voted off this season, like, right off the bat. But I feel like they just have. had more like a lot more like survivor people. Yeah. And there was just like almost half the cast was gamers. Yeah. Yeah. So I feel like that makes for like good strategy. It really does because people would ask me what my strategy was and I was like, I don't have a strategy. I was like I didn't know people had a strategy. Like when I was watching it back, I was like I basically just showed up every day.

I didn't know that I was supposed to have this long drawn out plan. Yeah. And then I'm like watching the gamers work in real time and I'm like I just don't know how to like I was like the stakes aren't that high for me I don't know I'm like 200,000 dollars was like well now if it's like if multiple people win then we have to split it so I'm like this isn't yeah I might not win it anyway yeah I know I feel like it's that and then also I like I weirdly feel like the production is less like for this season uh huh oh interesting like I feel like they put a lot more of like world building like a lot honestly a lot more B-roll and like shots of like the traders all like going up to the turret or like even just like Allen and his dog like there's a lot of

like little shots that really like made you feel like you're like there this like castle in this this space in this season there's not that much of it oh interesting I wonder how it and probably depends on like how long like they probably have so much content that they're trying to like squeeze in and so much story. Yeah. I can't even know. But yeah, yeah, I mean, love that our season was better. Yeah.

I mean, I think we also had fun because we're friends with Dylan. Oh, nice. So we got to like watch it. And each week my husband was like texting him. Like, it's so funny. Like, because we, we do mafia. Mm-hmm. So we play mafia a lot.

Okay. And I didn't know what mafia was. Oh my gosh. You went to this blind. Yes. Very blind. People were like, it's like mafia. And I'm like, well, what's mafia?

And then after I get up. out. I'm like, okay, this is the exact same thing. Literally. We play it all the time. And so that's like, we really started watching last one season three started coming out. Yeah. We've done like all of like the other ones. Yeah. You're like obsessive. You get hooked. Yeah. It is like highly addicting though. Yeah. But Dylan was like, no, even in there Dylan, I'm like, I'm like, do you have a strategy? I'm like, he was like the nicest guy. I'm like, but then ends up winning. I'm like, of course. I, I know. I know. It's it's so good. We played mafia, like, over the holiday break with some friends. And we were cracking up because, like, I feel like we watched the show. And they're like, it's so and so. And we're like, no, it's clearly not them. But because we have like that third person point of view for the show. And then in real life when we were like, I was playing the game with my friends at home. We like didn't like, we would get it wrong all the time. Like, okay, I actually have more empathy. It's so hard to tell when you're in there. And people like give you. such a hard time. I'm like, you don't understand. Like, we were in the car for like two hours together,

just like shooting the shit, talking about whatever. You guys have a lot of downtime. Yeah, you have a ton of downtime, like, especially in between challenges. Yeah. So you're just like hanging out sometimes. Yeah. And so the more you're around someone, you're like, no way this person could be a traitor. And, you know, it's like, I was literally holding hands with Boston Robb. Who was a traitor? But I'm like, well, he got me through that challenge. Yeah. No way he's a traitor. Like, we didn't even have to hold hands for that long because Chrisel and Dolores got out immediately so we like didn't need to

even stick it out but it was like let's stick it out. Was this the bugs? Yeah. Yes. I was like... I haven't gotten back to that episode. Yeah. I'm like, but I was like no way he's a traitor. Like he really was fighting for that shield. So things change in the blink of an eye too and I feel like there's so many walls in the house. It's so hard to tell

like what is actually going down. Yeah. There's a lot happening. Yeah. How are the bug challenges? Because I like, I, they're like, they're like, they're all real and you're like actually like, yeah, I, I. Do you have a lack of fear now? No. I hate bugs. And I, in my head, because the other team got out so fast, I was like, okay, we're good. We're done. We have shields. But then Boston Rob is just like another level of competitive. And I was like, and then the snake on my. And it's funny because I. I. genuinely had my eyes closed the entire time and I just had them shut, couldn't see anything, didn't want to open because the minute I saw something, I knew I would freak out. So I was like, when it aired, I was watching it for the first time and I was like, is that what was in the box? That is terrifying and disgusting and just like vile, you know.

Oh my gosh. Wait, that's crazy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, it's not. Definitely. At least I didn't have to like eat bugs. Yeah.

Like that I would, I'd bow out. Yeah. Like I'm not. They can't do the eating challenges. No, I could not. Lately my life has felt like a constant juggling act between work, social plans, travel, trying to move my body and still show up for myself. There are so many days where my own health ends up taking a back seat.

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As a special offer for the Squeeze listeners, Goodwipes is giving you your first pack for free. Buy any pack in store, text them in your receipt, and get reimbursed almost immediately. For more details, head to Goodwipes.com slash squeeze. Again, that's goodwipes.com. slash squeeze to snag a free pack of good wipes. Oh, could this vintage store be any cuter? Right? And the best part? They accept Discover. Accept Discover? In a little place like this? I don't think so, Jennifer. Oh, yeah, huh? Discover is accepted where I like to shop. Come on, baby. Get with the times.

Right. So we shouldn't get the parachute pants? These are making a comeback. I think. Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. Based on the February 2025 Nilsen Report. How did filming that kind of compare, because obviously, Summerhouse's reality and traders is also somewhat a reality, but also a game show. Did it feel different to you filming that versus Summerhouse? Yeah, definitely. It's like the stakes are so different.

Yeah. We're throwing parties at the Summer House. and like I've known these people and like you can kind of predict like well maybe not always predict but it's like we know each other we're friends like if we're going to fight about something sure like we're going to get over it most likely but in traders it's like I don't know these people I don't know a ton of background on them I don't know if they're lying to me or not but I know coming out of it I definitely had my backup against a wall because I was like I just like don't trust anyone right now yeah not even my own castmates that I filmed with for the past five seasons it's

just your back's kind of up against the wall. But I'm honestly so glad I did traders because I felt like it gave me like a new level of confidence even just like in the filming world or filming aspect. Because you're kind of there alone instead of like with like a group of people that you've known for a while. Yeah. Kind of like pushed me out on the edge. Yeah.

That's awesome. Yeah. That's sweet. It was nice. When Summerhouse first started, how was that like adjustment for you with? being like a reality personality and people like And I was 24 and I was

Which I was like I'm I just turned 30 I was a baby Yeah I was like I can't believe I was 24 when I filled my first season Um Highly intimidating and just Yeah When people think that we're like we're half the time like this is scripted They're like how much of it is real how much of it is fake and I'm like It's all real.

If it was fake and like we're like we're were scripted, that would be so much easier for me. Yeah. I know what to do. I read my lines. I know what to expect, but we're not scripted. We're actually all genuinely nuts. And reactions vary. Yeah. But it was an interesting adjustment. I feel like I'm still adjusting, you know? Yeah. Like I feel like I kind of hid in my cocoon for the past couple years, like the first few years. And now, I feel like just now I'm like, okay, maybe it's fine. to like open up a little bit more outside of the show and like show people you know maybe more of myself outside of just like what they're seeing yeah were you like apprehensive towards that just

because it was really like showing people who you were on like a national well i think it's because well i just feel like when the show's airing people rip you apart for like your decisions and a one hour episode you know yeah which isn't like like like a true reflection of my life, but I, like, I think I just kind of got into the mode of shutting down. Because I was like, you are, they already have so many opinions of me based on this one hour. Like, why would I give you more insight into like my life and who I am and what I love to do just for you to continue to like, you know, rip it apart? Which not all comments are bad, but it's like the ones. It's like the little ones that you think inside your head that you see.

Yeah. that get you. No, I, I feel like reality fan base is like, there's no like middle ground. Yeah. It's either like all 100% love or all just 100% like tearing you down. It's like low, low, low's high highs. Yeah. Yeah.

I've become good friends with some of the Mormon wives. And it's so like interesting. Even just like with his past season that came out, I've known like what had happened and what was going to come out. And it's just like so. it's so I don't think I could ever do that but it's so interesting to see like how people

like what you're saying like form opinions based off of like yes it's a shell it's fabricated to some degree to make it dramatic right yeah it's edited it's like it's not the full picture of some things and also like some of it's way much more lighthearted

than maybe it even is portrayed and some of it's more serious it just really depends but also it's like people have to take a step back like you don't actually know us yeah we I love the fans I feel like it's so nice to like have that support we wouldn't have a show without them but I think there becomes like kind of a a line that becomes crossed sometimes where it's like whoa yeah you don't have to cut so deep you know yeah no for sure have you had to like set any boundaries with social media and negativity.

Um, yeah. So I mean, like I don't go on Reddit. Oh, no, no, no.

That's like, Reddit is like, it's like, it's too much. I can't, which one of my good girlfriends, she always is on Reddit. I'm like,

I can't even. My girlfriend literally will look up herself and we'll, I'm like, why? That's like, don't do it. I was like, no,

that's like almost like cutting yourself. It's like too. I was like, when I want to cry, when I want to like really hurt myself, potentially I'll go to Reddit but like typically not in the mood for that you know so no Reddit

for me yeah um in terms of Instagram like for a while I would like put certain like blocks on like words and stuff and I mute people and I block people but yeah and I'm not on Twitter

yeah um I kind of try to stay aloof to the like all of the happenings but yeah it does come It's impossible to an extent. But I definitely am not like diving deep and reading every article. I don't have Google alerts on. Yeah.

Smart. I don't want to know. Yeah. How are you feeling about the new season? Season 10. We feel like it's like a big milestone season. I feel like we had such a good summer. It was kind of a shake up a little bit.

And I think it's just it's we're going to continue to evolve. But it's just crazy that we've, that it's in its 10th season. I'm always a little nervous before the season comes out. Yeah, I bet. So I'm like, we're under 24-7 surveillance when we're in the house. So like you forget things. Yeah, you have no control. Yeah, you forget things that you say.

It's just you're like, wow, I don't even, you say things under your breath. You don't even remember saying. So it's funny just to see how it all gets compiled into these episodes. Yeah. What can fans expect to see the season? Definitely a lot of, I feel like, we definitely peel back some layers in terms of like certain friendships on the show and just like we have bigger conversations like in more meaningful conversations. I think the new people were great additions.

The guys were great. The girls are great too. And they definitely were so open to the experience, which I feel like it helps because even though, you know, there's like a core group of us that have been friends for a while. It is kind of intimidating coming into that space. but it's going to be a lot of great parties, a lot of deep conversations, which I think are great, like friendships in a new light and some of the same crazy old shit that we're always up to, which is just drinking and, you know. All the fun that comes with.

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On a more serious now, I want to talk about your nursing background. Yeah, because when I learned that about you, I was like, oh my gosh, yay, we get to talk to nursing. Yeah, so love. When did nursing start for you? I graduated in our school, 2018. Okay. Which, wow, almost feels like, I guess it was almost 10 years ago.

I know. It's scary. It's all blurs. Yeah, yeah, I graduated in 2018 and then, yeah, May of 2018 and went into the hospital in like August or something. Okay. Yeah. Did you start in ICU?

Yeah, I did, which it's like, funny. I'm like, all my teachers and nursing school were like, you won't be able to start in the ICU. And I was like, okay. watch me. I was like, I don't want to start on med surge. I was like, I can't. No. I can't do it. What drew you to ICU? Did you just like how? Like the fast pace. I feel like you have to really think on your feet. And also just like the camaraderie and collaboration between like everyone. I also just like that type of acuity. I want to know why how things function that way. I want to,

you know, at least make a difference. It's. kind of definitely like the adrenaline and fast moving which pace that I was attracted to. I feel like you just get to like know your patience like so much more. Yeah. To like on like such a deep level. Right. And there's there's which obviously everyone's like very invested and you and like when the families are great like you're you feel like you really want to like help. You want to make a difference and like which you know they always.

say like the ICU is like the last place you go before the morgue or you get downgraded you know so it is that difference between like here and there you know for sure which I always felt like was super important yeah I never even wanted to go into the hospital I love like OR so I wanted to just yeah outpatient surgery and stuff like that but then all that closed yeah and then I was like nursing school also was the first time I ever liked school like I got straight A's I was like I in high school I was like nah like all throughout school I was like I don't like this but but nursing, I was like obsessed with it. Really?

So I was like, I just like, I'm a new nurse. Like I really want to do something. So I was like, I'm just going to apply to this one trauma center. If I get the job, like they're hiring like their new grad programs, like 10 nurses. Yeah. Dispers across. I was like, if I get it, great. If not, then I'll just wait it out.

Yeah. I got it. And I always wonder like, how was your experience with burnout with it? Because I think obviously like I got to do, so I got hired like August of 2020. So we weren't COVID. There was like a little bit of a COVID unit, but I got to like fully actually train. Right. As a telemetry nurse.

And then December, I was like, I think November, December, I was officially on my own at nights. And then that's when like the COVID started coming in. Yeah. And that was like our charge nurse was in the monitor room. So like I had no one. We were out of ratio. And I just remember like I was like a month in and I was like, what is like? Yeah.

You're like a brand new baby nurse. Yeah. like we get thrown into like a global pandemic. Yeah. And I was like only like a year and a half in, but such a baby nurse still, but like in the unit, I feel like I by the end of COVID, it's so burnt out. Yeah. And even though I was like travel nursing, like I did, I worked at this one hospital in New York

and like we were brought in as like relief nurses because the staff nurses haven't like had a break because they haven't been able to take off because they just had a plethora of patients dying and they had the morgue trucks outside of the hospital. It was an awful scenario but also to an extent

to a certain extent were conditioned to like deal with death but like COVID took it up like 10 notches and then I like filmed my first season of Summerhouse in 2020 after I had like been working and I was like, okay, I'm going to take a break for like six, eight weeks to go film

this show, then go back. So I did that. And then went back to nursing. And then we ended up filming Winterhouse, went back to nursing after that. Yeah. And then shortly after that, I think I took like two, almost two years off. And then I went back at the top of maybe 20, 24, went back to my home hospital and I'd just like to put my feet back on the ground. I was like, I need to balance myself between the like reality TV world and like what's real yeah but stepping back into the unit after being away for some time I was like this is not what I remember like just seeing people die and like having to like what a privilege to be able to like hold people's hands and be with them in their last moments but wow so emotionally like taxing where and like talking to

my old co-workers and it's like we can laugh it off in the moment but like once you've like taken a step back it's like whoa like what we're doing is actually insane and like some of the scenarios that we're in and just like seeing these patients leave this earth in certain ways it's like not normal but like when you're in the swing of it you're in the mix and like yeah it's just another day at work but I was when I went back I was just like this is not I was like this is so much I'm like one of my patients died like when I was first like on my first shift was I still on orientation I was like still on orientation it was like a couple days before I like got off orientation and it was just such a gruesome death that I was like this is so nuts like and now I'm going to fly back to New York and

go film this show yeah as if nothing happened I was like I just I think I'm done with bedside you know just because I did it I did my time at bedside but I'm like I'm like I I think there's a purpose for me outside of bedside, still in the nursing world. Yeah. Because I still love the education and everything. Like, all the knowledge. I think it's vital, you know. No, I still keep up with my license.

Same. I need to renew my license literally by the end of this month. Oh, yeah, you need to be. Yeah. I know, but I'm just like, I don't know if I'll ever, like, do, I definitely cannot do bedside again because I think I would. No. Didn't have a panic attack. Because after COVID, I was like, everything felt easy.

Yeah. After that to some degree. But then I actually ended up getting COVID, which was so funny. I got it visiting my husband on set and not ever at the hospital. Oh my gosh. I didn't get COVID for two years. Yeah. Where people are like fighting against masks.

I'm like, guys, they actually work. I mean, like, I'm in a COVID unit with COVID patients. Like, donning and doffing all day long. Like, I'm telling you, it works. I didn't get it for two years. And then when I got it, I was like, I think I got, I didn't lose my taste or vision or anything. Luckily the strain was like kind of diluted. But no, I like, I died.

I had long COVID. That's why I quit. I think that was like God being like, dude, you got to like chill. Like you're not okay. Yeah. Take a step back. Because I think it just comes with a nursing like mentality. Like, I'm fine.

Yeah. Like I'm fine. Like I'm not going to like succumb to the. new nurse quitting because there's just so much of that like seniority and like no we're highly competitive yeah i feel like you we overwork ourselves because we think it's like a badge of honor yeah which i don't really know if i ever felt that way but like i was but it's like you over like it's cool to overwork and like pick up extra shifts and like want to be a helping hand but i'm like you get burnt out so fast and the hospital will use and abuse you until but like also you're a

number you know no it's so true you have to take care of yourself have you watched the pit I have not watched the pit, but people are saying it's like the most realistic. I'm like, it is. I'm almost done with the first season because my husband will watch the show because it stresses him out. So I have to watch it on me time. But I was really, I waited a very long time to watch it because I was like, I don't. I had to do like EMDR therapy.

I was like, really like, I was like, I don't know if I want to reenter like that space in my mind again. but I'm like actually obsessed with it. Really? It's so correct. I mean, it's just ER nursing, but or not just, but it's, yeah, it is only in the ER. And it's so, I'm like literally working the shift because each episode is an hour of a 50. It's a 15 hour shift and each episode is an hour of the shift.

So it's like, oh, wow. Seven to eight, eight to nine. It's really cool. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Okay. So it's like one shift. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. I need to watch because I've heard it's like very. accurate, which I'm like, I can't watch, I was like, I can't want, I typically don't watch medical shows just because, I mean, like, before I went to nursing school, I was obsessed with house, like, Grey's Anatomy. Yeah.

But I think when you're like in it, I was like, this is not real life. But I heard they have like a really great what do you call it? Like a consultant, like a medical consultant. Yeah, they have actual doctors that are

like, they'll like walk through the scene. with them and be like this goes here like do it like this and right because when I see like an et tube set up I'm like what this is yeah I was like there's literally a yonker in this person's mouth this is not an et tube this they're not this is not an intubation this my husband now knows like he understands like what an IV is or like shoot what were we watching yesterday oh we were watching one of the batman's and like in it's so but in some moment like the third the third one with Christian Bail, the main one. I don't know if you seen it. But he like sticks like just like a little needle on his arm as they're like in a plane that's crashing down. And it like, Taylor's like, that's supposed to be an IV. And he like knows. Yeah. It's like not correct. He's like this isn't. This doesn't feel like the proper scenario. But we're just going to let. But like most people don't know. So I mean, yeah. Why would they? Or my favorite is like we rewatch stranger things like before this last season. And my favorite is. And my favorite is. like if a patient's like Lil was like coding or like he's like his heart rate's going up but you just hear beep

beep yeah still just from the monitor and like nothing changes yeah it makes me it makes me giggle yeah it's just funny I'm like I can't even watch TV anymore okay wait you said you did EMDR did you like it I did okay okay have you been interested in that I have okay and I'm like one of my girl one of my guy friends did it and he was like changed my life and I'm like I've done the ketamine therapy like in an awesome that scares me ketamine like ketamine therapy was it's fast moving like you go in like I did it at a doctor's office yeah it's like a journey yeah IV infusion it's it's fast moving but I'm also like so I get so motion sick so easily so and it's a dissociative anesthetic but like um I think it works I did four sessions, but you got to really release control to do it.

You got to surrender, which is kind of hard. Yeah, I don't think, I don't even like taking Advil sometimes. I'm like, so I don't. Yeah. I think I would be like freaking out that something would happen. Yeah. No, my first session, I completely jumped out of it and like had an anxiety attack and threw up and like all of the nine.

But then my second session, I was like, okay, I'm just. here I give up like yeah but the therapist was really great and like that's good I think that makes a big difference I did EMDR actually over Zoom oh wow which um I actually enjoy it I did it like because you can either do it with your eyes or like tapping um and I like did the tapping with her and I did it for nursing um because I was just having still kind of like a lot of triggers and was still kind of just my I was dissociating really bad that was my thing like I literally was forgetting like my friend's names like I knew I knew them but like I couldn't my brain just like yeah turned off yeah and so I did it for that and it was really helpful for me because I feel like I was able to like put myself it was easy for me to

like when we were talking about it to put myself back like into like working COVID and like literally in the unit talking through things because I know I'm not going to like be there again right I think that's and I mean I only did I think I did like five or six sessions of it and it like it like really helped me. Yeah. I know people that, I mean, my husband tried it. He did like three sessions and he was sweet and kept trying after the first one. He's like, I don't think I like it.

I was like, just try it for me. Yeah. And he did two more and he was like, I'm not doing it. But I think it's harder when it's like something that you haven't like, I think it can work if you're not fully removed from something. Yeah. But I also like, I think women were like very much like give me, give me the woo woo. Give me the like stuff.

I want to try everything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, guys are like so much more resistant. Yeah. He's like, I'm not, I can't put myself in there.

I'm like, okay, then never mind. Yeah, it's not going to work. Yeah, but no. Do you do talk therapy? Yeah, I haven't done talk therapy in like maybe two years now, but usually I am in therapy. I'm on Prozac, newly. Well, I've been on Prozac for like a year now and it's amazing. Oh, I love it.

Awesome. I'm like, why did I ever? Yeah. Raw dog this life, you know? I went 29 years. Yeah. What made you think it was like time to? I am like a isolationist.

Like, sit, rot, not leave my house. Hate social situations. Like couldn't be social. I'm like, it was my biggest fear, worst nightmare. Just anxiety too. So it was like getting to the point where I was like, okay, this is literally ridiculous. like you are, you know, living this life that you like once prayed for, but you can't even enjoy it because you're just like bogged down by the anxiety of it all or it's just like so overwhelming. So I was like I'm going to try.

Like I had did ketamine therapy. It's all over the course of like the past few years. Did therapy. Did the ketamine therapy. Would go to like some wellness retreats and stuff and like try and recenter myself. And then finally I was like, I think I'm just. I'm going to try Prozac and just see, you know, I think I'm like, I think I need an antidepressant of some sort. And so then went on Prozac last year and thank God. Yeah. I love that. Yeah.

It's so good. I know I have some girlfriends that are like trying to figure out what to do. And I'm always like, if you haven't made like, I always say I'm such an advocate for being on medication. Yeah. Make sure you're like trying to like make act changes in your. your life. Totally. Before because if you're not like doing the simple like it sounds so silly but like the drinking water, the sun. And I feel like going out, leaving your house.

Literally. And I feel like I realized like when I was working nights how much just the simple stuff like actually does matter. Yeah. So I'm like check those boxes. Just make sure because honestly sometimes it's like, oh like I just needed you needed something small. You needed just some time for this.

It's crazy how night shift will like knock you off. Like it really screws your like circadian rhythms up so much. and you have that normalcy and nights kind of like throws you out. No, I definitely think that is like a big part of like why I struggled so much. Yeah. Because I was just working nights that whole time. Yeah. And the one good thing I got from it is I can now like sleep on command.

Oh. I feel like I'm like if it's like I have 20 minutes snap. I'm like heads hitting the pillow. I'm closed. Yeah, you're out. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

That is been the one good thing. That's nice to be able to control. I'm like I am a good sleeper whether I'm. which I hope it never leaves me. I'm the best sleeper. I can fall asleep in 20 seconds and I can sleep anywhere. It's honestly a gift. Yeah.

No, it is a gift. I hope it stays with me. I love it. Okay, let's head into our less little segment. It's called Lemon 7. Seven questions, you could rapid fire them or if you feel like sharing a little story with our lemon drops, you can. First question is, what movie or song title best describes your mental health today? What movie or song title?

Suddenly every song in movie goes like out of your brain. I'm going to ask the question. Pretty much any song off Justin Bieber's album is me. Great. Love it. Swag one and two. The whole album, me. Love it.

It's just, I just feel like you need some background noise. You can do that. It's great. But if you want to like be deep in thought, you can do that. It's just, I feel like it carries me. That's good. It's versatile. Yeah.

Works for any mood. Number two is how open are you with people in life when struggling? On a scale from zero being not at all, 10 being the most, probably like a, probably a six, because here's the thing, I'm probably going to cry about it first and then like, then I have to like open up about it. Yeah. I'm a crier. I'm a cry baby.

Literally. Yeah. Whenever I get like emotion, I just like, I cry. Yeah, it's big feelings. Yeah. Like frustrated, probably gonna cry. Yeah, I. So my best friends to say way and I'm like, thank God.

Like we just, my husband has really had to learn because he is like not. I mean, no, actually that's a lot. He is, he is very like, he has emotional intelligence and is very like deep emotionally. Yeah. But he does not cry like I do. And he like, I'll like start like sharing. I'm like open. It's weird because I'm open in this scenario.

Yeah. talking about my mental health. I'm an open book. But when it comes to like me sharing a deep feeling of, you know, something I'm feeling maybe like Taylor hurt my feelings about something or something was bothering me. Yeah. Whatever.

It's something that I like, I'm horrible at it. Yeah. And I like open my mouth and I like start crying. I'm like, everything's fine. This is just my reaction. So like just ignore it. Yeah. Just listen to what I have to say.

And he like knows now. He's like, okay. Yeah. He's like, she's going to cry about it. Yeah. like listen to the message. Yeah. He's unfaced by the cry.

If you can only follow three social media accounts, what would they be? Three social media accounts. Honestly, probably my girlfriends. All my friends. I'm like, what am I addicted to? Probably cat Instagrams, for one. Yeah. My girl, like a friend.

Yeah. And then I'm like, what else? probably like the actually up next designer which is like fashion instagram great i love that um next next question is what is your favorite form of self-care sitting laying rotting i love it yeah i can just be home in my space take a bath do whatever yeah just being in my own space i can either do a mask skin care yeah whatever you know just it's the best home with like not No obligations. Yeah.

That's the weekend I have coming up. I'm like really excited. That's so nice. I'm like really excited about it because I will be doing the same thing. I will probably go to the farmer's market though, but then I will not leave. Well, that's nice. Yeah. It's a little self-care.

Number five is what is the most misunderstood thing about you? Most misunderstood? Okay. Probably that tough exterior. Crybaby. Like looks like a. Looks like a cinnamon roll will kill you. You know that?

Yeah. And like looks like a cinnamon roll. Or people would say, looks like she'll kill you, we'll kill you. Yeah. Definitely. Like I definitely have this,

which I don't mean to like have a hard exterior. Very no bullshit. Yeah. And I think people think that like I'm not like a feeler, but I literally cry all the time at everything. But I just like have to have this exterior for most things, you know? Yeah. And I just feel like,

Yeah, being in the hospital hardens you in a certain way. For sure. But also just, it also makes you a little soft baby too. Yeah, I know. I feel like it's everything's just like not that like, everything's not that serious. No, it's not that serious. I always have to tell myself my therapist actually for a long time. He was like, because I still sometimes now will struggle with like a to do list.

I think like I'm like trying to like, it's so funny. I feel like I'm like in a med room. I'm like trying to grab like all. All the stuff from downstairs. So I just have to make one trip upstairs. And my brain finally now is like starting to calm down. It's like, no, I can actually walk up and down the stairs a couple of times. And my therapist is always like, when I start to get like that, he's like, ask yourself,

are people dying? Right. Because you've been there. Yeah. People aren't dying right now. Like you can miss the meeting. You can, this can, whatever, like, something can get messed up. Truly.

You're not. No one's dying. Yeah. My default is like, it's not that serious. The stakes are so different these days. Yeah. But like I am the same way with like that to do-do list where I'm like I don't want to have to come back in this med room. Yeah.

For 50 freaking things, especially if I have like a, you know, patient on isolation or something. And then you have to like take everything off, go and get it. Like I just need to do it all at one time. But no, it's life isn't like that anymore. No, it's it's not that serious. Um, who has had the most positive impact on your mental health? Um, who? Who?

You're like my Prozac. No, I literally the first question I thought of was my Prozac. My little teeny tiny bottle of Prozac. I wouldn't say I honestly I'm going to say myself because I feel like like love my parents but they're not really like you know let's talk about mental health. I've really kind of had to do a lot of it myself and kind of figure it out on my own. And I think when I moved to New York I was by myself and that was really the like. like, whoa, I am here by myself.

Like, you're on your own rent is so high and expensive. Like, you got to figure it out, you know? Yeah. But I definitely think, yeah, I've, I'll go try retreats. Like, I'll try things. I'll just do it. And I do a lot of it by myself because, well, I'm single. And like, that's what you just have to learn to do.

But yeah, I just, I feel like it, kudos to myself. we're always trying to like remain open but yeah now but sometimes I'm like my crunchy granola self where I'm like you should go to this wellness retreat to everyone and you should be on this medication just try Prozac like yeah it's good it's good okay last question is if you can go back to one moment in your life what moment would that be and what would you say to yourself um one moment in my life um you know I don't know if I would actually go back I don't think I would Yeah. Because I feel like you get to the point where you're at because of all of the things. Yeah. I definitely would tell myself to like believe in yourself a little more.

Like be confident, you know, which is always so much harder than it seems. But I would definitely tell myself to believe in myself a little more, you know. But I don't think I would go back and change anything necessarily. Yeah. That's sweet. Well, thanks for coming and chatting. Thanks for having me on. I really appreciate it. much fun. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.