The Squeeze - Demi Tebow: Life After the Crown

Episode Date: August 7, 2024

In this week’s episode, the Lautners sit down with former Miss Universe Demi Tebow! Demi starts by sharing what inspired her to compete for Miss South Africa and her deep passion for the philanthropic side of pageantry. She discusses how she managed inevitable comparisons with fellow contestants, opens up about the identity crisis she faced after relinquishing her Miss Universe crown, and explains how her commitment to supporting others became a path to healing herself. Switching gears, Demi bravely recounts the unimaginable story of being carjacked at gunpoint, shares the two things that ultimately saved her life, and explains how therapy helped her heal from the trauma. Finally, Demi talks about The Tim Tebow Foundation, her new book "A Crown That Lasts," and the quality she is most proud of in herself!Be sure to follow Demi on Instagram: @demitebowCheck out The Tim Tebow Foundation: https://daniellasdigest.com/Get Demi’s new book, A Crown That Lasts: https://talkshop.live/watch/3_M7Q4hpwmzWTo email us your questions or share your story, you can reach out to [e-mail] sure to rate, review, and follow the podcast so you don't miss an episode! Plus, follow us on Instagram:The Squeeze: https://instagram.com/thesqueeze/Tay Lautner: https://instagram.com/taylautner/Taylor Lautner: https://instagram.com/taylorlautner/& TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@thesqueezepodcastTo learn more from The Lemons Foundation, follow https://instagram.com/lemonsbytay/ and visit lemonsbytay.comEpisode Sponsors:Use code SQUEEZE at checkout for 15% off your entire order at www.vionicshoes.com when you log into your account. 1 time use only. Get your free LMNT Sample Pack with any purchase at drinklmnt.com/SQUEEZE. Also try the new LMNT Sparkling — a bold, 16-ounce can of sparkling electrolyte water.Support your gut this summer with Seed’s DS-01® Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/THESQUEEZE and use code 25THESQUEEZE to get 25% off your first month.To learn more about therapy with NOCD, go to nocd.com and schedule a free 15-minute call with their team.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Sondor without your Reisadviseur Oncans The following The following podcast is A Dear Media Production 2017, an unimaginable situation. A few months after I was crowned in South Africa, I was on my way to an event, two blocks away from my apartment back then.

I stopped at the red traffic light. Got surrounded by multiple men, had a gun pointing to my head. I immediately surrendered, got out of the vehicle and tried running away. But when I tried running away, the man on my side of the vehicle grabbed me by my wrist. Get in, you're going with us. Instincts kind of just kicked in in that moment. Never go to the second destination. Running up that avenue in my six-inch high yields.

Having a gun pointed to my head with terror in my eyes, looking over my shoulder, not knowing if my perpetrators were going to be shooting me in the back, when you're in a traumatic situation, it's so much harder to remember what the next step should be if you've never even thought about it. When life gives you lemons, what do you do with them? Over here at the squeeze, we talk about it. I actually have a funny story there. Yeah? I wasn't planning on telling it. Oh. Yeah, I met Tim for the first time.

at some like Oscar party or something. I don't even remember. It was some sort of like industry party. And I asked, and this was, this was a while ago. I mean, probably, oof, I don't even know. And I remember asking, like, what are you doing here? And he's like, I'm working out with my coach at UCLA. And I was like, well, if you need an extra, you know, set of hands to catch passes from, you let me

I was totally joking. And I guess we swapped numbers. And then the next morning he texted me. And he was like, hey, did you really want to come out and run routes for me? And I was like, I mean, I will. He's like, are you serious? And he's like, yeah, come on out. So I showed up to UCLA and ran routes for the day for Tim.

Oh, my gosh. It literally showed me how out of shape I was. And this was when I was in good shape. Like I was in top-not shape in my mind. at this time. Holy crap. It was so fun, though. But it was the first.

So was that just like a one time thing? Okay. Yep. Yep. I know. I don't remember when it was, but I realized at that moment the difference in catching a pass from an NFL quarterback and anybody else in the world.

Yeah. Like I played football my whole life. And I was used to, you know, catching a lot of passes. But watching the ball leaving his hands and then all of a sudden, and be in my face was just like 10 times faster than I was used to. Oh, man. Probably hurt. Yeah, what hurt the most was just the nonstop routes.

It was just like they have like three guys out there running routes for them and you just don't stop. And like the cardio required to run routes for Tim Tebow is ridiculous. You got to live out your dreams. I know. I'm going to have to ask him about this. That's so great. That's literally like one of the first times you guys hung out was running like running routes. I love it.

Yeah. I grew up in South Africa, and so you can hear the mess up accent, and we don't have football there or baseball. We watch rugby and cricket and everything else but American sports. Yeah. And so when I first moved to the States, I genuinely had never heard of Tim Tebow. Yeah. I didn't know any football players. Yeah.

Just genuinely didn't. I didn't know. Like, I just knew nothing. I was like, hey, you know, rugby players don't wear pads and helmets. So just saying, it's funny. It's true. Funny. And we are the world champions and you just say that too. Anyway, are you really?

I'm a brag. Yeah, we are. We just won the World Cup. Really? Uh-huh. Back-to-back World Cup. So, holy crap. Yeah, so we're, like, we really love rugby.

Okay, so it's not just like something. Anyway, so this guy, Tim Tobo, I thought it was like Tim Tobo, reached out to me and essentially invited my little sister to a celebration. called Night to Shine. My little sister was porn with severe special needs and long so short, she wasn't able to attain just because of her health condition, but Tim Tebow and I stayed in touch. And while now it's like six years later and we haven't necessarily stopped talking, but it wasn't until I like saw somebody wear a badge that had like a tea and a bow tie on it. Oh. Yeah. Oh, it's, it's, it's tebow. It's not Tebow. So hi everyone. I'm Demi Thubo.

Oh my gosh. Debbie Chabelle, welcome to the squeeze. I love that so much. Okay, so we start each episode off with this little jar. It's called Citrus Got Real. That's our little game. I love it. If you would like to just pull one of those little questions out of there.

Yeah. Do you want me to read it? Yes, please. Okay. It says, do you say caramel or caramel? I say, can I have a caramel? Oh. Carmel or caramel?

No, in South Africa, we say like caramel. Not caramel. Sounds the same. Like, I'm missing enough. Wait, say both. Because we say caramel or caramel. Caramel. Caramel.

Caramel. So you say caramel? Yes, but honestly, listen, since I've moved to Florida, I live in the South. So I'll catch myself saying, like, plant and plant in the same sentence. Because, you know, like, I remember I, like, offended this poor weight. one day, I asked for ice at a, or I actually think, I don't like ice in my drink. I said like, no ice. Yes. And he thought I said something like very offensive relating to a donkey. Oh, like the other, like something that ice could sound like. And he was just so offended. And I

realized like, man, like you're going to have to adapt the way you say certain things. You're like always going to be misunderstood. It gets so annoying. People are like, what are you saying? What do you mean? Yeah. You know. So, but. No, so I will literally catch myself saying plant and plant in the same sentence because I think your brain just... Yeah, you pick up on stuff. Yeah, you pick up on stuff and you're like somehow just naturally adapt to it. Yeah. Caramel.

Now that just comes. Okay. Okay. In Afrikaans, which is my first language, it would be caramel. Okay. Okay. Car. Ah, now I'm confused. How do you say it? I feel like you say Carmel.

Carmel. I grew up, definitely. saying caramel. Like it's caramel. I want to talk about pageants a little bit because that like that world is so fascinating to me because I just don't. I just learned that you can correct me if I'm wrong. But you like you can't be married.

Yeah, they've changed the rules. I can't keep up because different pageants like different pageant systems like all have different rules. When I compete it, you are not allowed to be married. I think some of them if I'm not mistaken have like changed some of the rules. Yeah. But I remember like being Miss South Africa, it was like not even allowed to be in a public relationship. And that's only like six years ago, you know? Yeah. And, you know, they had their reasons for it. Like it's a job. Like it's a full-time job. Like you get paid a salary to be in that

role. And, you know, that that's your persona. That's that role that you're fulfilling. So I believe some of the rules of change in different systems. Yeah. But it is, it is definitely fascinating. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't, I don't know why I didn't like think that. that was a thing. But I remember... I never heard of that. I saw there was, like, recently, because they had changed the rules. But, like, there was, like, a 50-50 thing. I just saw it on TikTok. I don't... I don't follow it.

Honestly, Tay, I'm so far removed. I feel like from that whole world at this point, I, you know, I've just... It's been a minute. Yeah. Yeah. And it's hard to keep up. Yeah. Also, there's been so many changes of ownership in the last year. So the people that I got to work with aren't necessarily even, you know, in positions anymore, or working with the organization. Yeah. So there's just been so many changes, I guess.

Oh, wow. Someone owns it? Yeah. It's like, it was, it's like, yeah. No, it's like, I mean, it's, it's really run, like an organization, like a company that you have a contract. Like, you know, I was required to live in New York for that year. You know, you're paid a salary. It's a job that you do.

So you basically work for the organization. So it's a big thing in South Africa or how did you get into it? it. Yeah. You know, I think in the U.S. the pageant system, you know, like we, toddlers and charos like, you know, a show that you got to watch in South Africa. That's not necessarily that big of a thing over there. I think what really drew me to entering Miss South Africa, because you have to win your country's title to be able to go and compete internationally. And to be able to compete at Miss Universe, you really just get one chance because it's not like I can go back and, like, win Miss Africa again. That's really weird. Yeah. So, and also part of it.

of the rules. So it's really like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Like literally you can never, ever compete again. But what really drew me to specifically the Miss South Africa organization back then was I grew up as a little girl loving the princess dresses and the tiaras and the makeup and like, I'm a very girly girl. Like I'm not, you know, that's who I am. But as I grew older and as I matured, I realized like what I like about these women and what I have found inspiring about them isn't necessarily they're pretty bull gowns, but it's the impact that they were able to have in their communities. It is the voice that they got to be for a lot of women in our country that didn't necessarily have the opportunity to speak up for themselves or to defend themselves

in a way. And I think that's really what started inspiring me. I didn't always know that I wanted to be Miss South Africa, but I knew that I wanted to be that type of woman. I wanted to be a Miss South Africa type of woman. And when I won Miss South Africa, I got to like go and address like our version of Congress, you know, in South Africa and speak to political figures. And that's where my Unbreakable Workshop started, where I got to go around South Africa and empower women with skills and tools and connect them with field experts and people that can be a great resource for them. Yeah. That's super cool. So how old were you when you started it? Were you, were you older? Had you done it when you were younger. I definitely did a couple of pageants when I was younger. Like I grew up in

town with one stoplight. Oh my gosh. With one traffic light, like really tiny town. Like we bought our groceries on the farmer's market on Saturdays like that. And most of those people, like the vendors were like people, parents that had kids in my school, you know. So we, you know, once here we'd have like a fair and you'd answer like little Miss Sunshine just so you could win like tickets to the mall that was like an hour away. Oh my gosh. So like vouchers to the mall. Oh my gosh. So I did a few growing up, but nothing like I feel like some of the pageant systems require in the U.S. I feel like sometimes in the U.S. the pageant system is like you have to be a part of it for a long time to kind of make your name for yourself. Like it's, I feel like winning a first time is very unheard of in a lot of systems.

But yeah, that wasn't, that wasn't necessarily my case. Yeah. Throughout your time in pageants, did you ever like find yourself, you know, comparing yourself to other women. Yeah, I mean, are you kidding? Like, that's literally what it's about. You know, you're showing up trying to be prettier, taller, something that you literally cannot be.

Yeah. You know, trying to fit in, trying to wear the dress that you're supposed to wear. What's, you know, what's going to be the winning dress? Like, it's, you know, so much of that can be very superficial very easily. I think the part that was like the hardest for me was like the Q&A session because you get asked literally anything about anything. and you have no idea what that would relate to. And Afrikaans is my first language.

So I didn't really like learn to speak good English in a way. Like I grew up speaking English, but not in like not to the extent of feeling confident being able to stand on a stage in front of millions of people and answer a question that I've never heard before. So when I went to go and compete at Miss Universe, I knew that I would literally have one opportunity. So I actually gave up speaking my first language for three months to prepare. And I told my friends and family, I was like, hey, guys, like, I need you to only. Text me, speak to me, call me in English. And they're like, cool. We'll see you in three months. Like, good luck. They were very supportive.

But I mean, yes, definitely a lot of comparison. But I remember the night, like the final of Miss Universe happened. I stood on the stage and you like go to the center stage when they announced, you know, the top five and then there's three left and then there's two left and then the two that's left. And then the two that's left, like, ghosting your stage and, like, hold hands and they're going to call out, like, one, one name. And I remember standing in that spot, holding the other contestants hands and just, like, if I watch the footage back, like, every year, they'll have, like, an anniversary, you know, a real pop-up on social media. I just, I watch that real and I'm like, I couldn't stop smiling. Like, I genuinely couldn't stop smiling. And it's not because I knew I was

going to win. I obviously had no idea, you know. But it's because I felt so content in that moment, hey, where I just, I really felt like there was nothing else that I could have done to be in that moment. And if that was something that was decent for me, if that was a part of my life's calling or purpose, then that was going to come true. And as long as I had done everything in my capabilities, you know, that like the rest is in the Lord's hands and it's not necessarily in mine. Yeah. So that was a sweet moment of just contentment. like, it's going to suck, like not winning. Nobody wakes up being excited to lose.

Yeah. You know, but it was going to be okay regardless. Yeah. That's so true. Yeah. Knowing that you did, like, everything you could have possibly done, like, makes it, makes it a little easier. Yeah.

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Very much. So I feel like I entered really a season that felt like a wasted season afterwards. Like it felt like just a waiting season. Like time was just passing and nothing was happening. Nothing was going my way. I honestly pretty much, I'm moving. move back to New York, Tim and I had just gotten engaged, but he was in sports. And so we were in a long-distance relationship, you know, so really there were moments where my highlight of my day was like my phone call with my fiance. And I had no friends. I, like, not necessarily, didn't necessarily have friends that cared more for me than what I think they might have thought they could get from me, if that makes sense. You know, like no friends, like maybe one half

of a friend somewhere somehow. But that was just, I didn't have people in my life that could point me back to the truth that could encourage me and tell me like, hey, this might be a sucky season. Like, things might not be going your way. Like, but it doesn't mean it's going to last forever. This doesn't mean this is the only way it's going to be going forward. Something that I did in that season that I felt really encouraged me. And I wish I noticed it. It's always like in hindsight that you see things, right? But something that I did that was really encouraging to me is to like stop putting the focus on myself and to go and serve someone. And I know this sounds so cliche, it can sound so silly. But I got on the F train. It was an organization that I worked with as Miss Universe.

And I got on the F train in New York and I went downtown and I just went and volunteered at like a soup, like kitchen where they cooked for people that didn't have food. And it was just like a time where I got to just be around people that are loving other people that's supporting other. people and it was just like two hours that I just totally took the pressure and the focus off of myself because I think when we enter waiting seasons like that it can very easily feel like we are responsible to like remove all of the obstacles in our life ourselves and asking for help can feel like weakness in a big way and I I wish it was something that I focused more on because I know that I left that soup kitchen every single time feeling like I got poured into

You know, when I arrive there thinking like I'm doing something for someone else, but really that was very healing to me anyway. Yeah. We talk about that a lot, how like the saying it is better to give than to receive. But like actually like how you feel inside, like I just feel like it goes so many more miles for the person that is giving because you're able to like form gratitude and like, you know, gain perspective on things. Yeah. But it's also like you also like you also have to. to like be a good receiver and that can be hard sometimes yeah yeah you know that can be really hard I know there was other moments in my life where I I realize like in order to really start healing I need to be able to receive help like I need to be able to accept that yeah yeah that's so true

definitely something I struggle with you want to dive more into no I'm good okay it's like maybe off the mics um Okay, so 2017 was, you know, a very big, big year for you, Miss South Africa, Miss Universe, but you also experienced an unimaginable situation in that same year. Can you share with our audience a little bit about what happened? Yep. A few months after I was granted Miss South Africa, I was like on my way to an event as the official Miss South Africa and I got to wear this pretty trace and I got to drive in my like brand new car that was part of my price package. I was so excited about it. And on my way to this event, like two blocks away from my apartment back

then, I stopped at the red traffic light. We call traffic lights robots in South Africa. So when I first moved to New York, I would ask, ask the taxi driver to drop me at the robot and he'd be like, what? Oh my gosh. Robots. That's so much cuter. I stopped at a red robot and like, you know, what do we do? Like fix on mascara, pack our bag or something. And long story short, I got surrounded by multiple men, had a gun pointing to my head, and I immediately surrendered, got out of the vehicle and tried running away. But when I tried running away, the man on my side of the vehicle grabbed me by my wrist and said something like, get in, you're going with us. And I, my instincts kind of just kicked in in that moment. Or it wasn't necessarily just

instincts, like things that I had learned in the past, like just came to top of mind, a few things. one was never go to the second destination and two, the throat. My dad had like sent me on safety driving courses like before I was allowed to drive my own car. I like could change all the tires in my vehicle like, you know, like record time. He would like time me and like, you know, just like really set me up for for success. Unfortunately, South Africa does really have an issue with crime. Like it's a reality and I would be doing it a disservice of calling it anything else. lot of women and children in my home country that really, that really hurt and that really suffer and that are really affected by crime, men as well, but especially gender-based violence,

is a really big issue that we deal with. And this was something that I knew about before, but didn't necessarily really learn until after I had physically been affected by incident like that. I actually write a whole chapter about this in my book, but I managed to get away from that situation. And, and Tay, it was, it was half of us five in the afternoon. It was peak hour traffic. You guys love in LA. Like, you know a thing or two about traffic, right? Like, it's bumper to bumper traffic. And I remember running, running up that avenue in my six inch high yields, knocking on window after window after window. Like, people had their windows open. They could hear what I was saying. They could see the terror in my eyes. And having a gun pointed to my head was mortifying. Like, that was

absolutely awful, but the worst part of that story, I think as I've healed from it and learned from it, wasn't necessarily that moment of being surrounded by a bunch of armmen, but it was running up that avenue begging for help and nobody would stop to help me. Like, I remember running up that avenue looking over my shoulder, not knowing if my perpetrators were going to be shooting me in the back or coming for me. I don't know what their intent was. I still don't know what their intent was. I I don't want to speculate. I just know it wasn't good. And that was the, that was the hardest part of that story. And it wasn't until I eventually reached the intersection where a young girl, she was 19 years old and this old little beat up car pulled over and like opened her door and led me to safety. And I'm

thankful for that girl for so many reasons, obviously for leading me to a safe space in place that night and getting me to people that, you know, love me and care for me. But I'm grateful for her because she told me to never be one of those cars that rolled up their window or that pretend it not to hear or pretend it not to see, but to be that one girl that leans over and opens the little car door for somebody that's in need. And that moment has, honestly, I feel like changed the trajectory of my life in such a big way. You know, I think there is so much of that moment that was painful, but that has been turned into purpose.

And I think, you know, in a lot of cases, if we are willing for that pain to be used for purpose, it can be used. It doesn't mean it's not going to take some time and work and help and restoration and healing. But now I get to serve on multiple boards here in the U.S. and around the world for campuses that care for survivors of human trafficking and get to be part of long-term restoration programs for women all over the world that have gone through some of the

most unimaginable evils. And that's also where Unbreakable was born. And I get to provide resources the same that I was given, you know, my dad forcing me to go on these self-defense courses or safety driving courses. There's, you know, when you're in a traumatic situation, it's so much harder to remember what the next step should be if you've never even thought about it. Right? Like in any hard situation, it's if you've never thought about it or never even like sought wisdom about it or discerned about it, it's harder to come up with that really good answer. Like, hey, punch this guy in his throat and get yourself out of this situation. You know, rather than going downtown with them and 10 other of their friends.

Like it's really hard to come up with that in a traumatic situation if you've never thought about it before. Yeah, for sure. Wow. Well, thank you, Dad, for getting you prepared for that. I'm sorry you had to go through that. And as a teenager, I hated that. Like, I was like, Dad, this is dumb. I don't need this. Like, nothing's going to happen, you know, like. And but sometimes, like, you know, there's a Greek word that is used to describe love and it's agape. And what it means is to choose the best interest of another person and to act on their behalf. And I think that's one of the best. The best. forms of love is not just to say like, yeah, sure, just drive in your car, just be fine, but to be like, hey, actually, like, you can be better at this. Like, let me help you. Let me go and act on your behalf because I'm seeing something that you're not seeing right now. Yeah. And, you know, as teenagers, like, we don't always want to listen to those things. Yeah. Even as adults, we don't. Yeah. But they're important. Those next, like, few days for you after that incident, what, what did that look like mentally for you. I mean, I was a wreck. I, they didn't end up getting away with my vehicle.

So that wasn't just open up a big question of like, well, were they there for me? I don't know. They got away with some of my house keys, remotes. And so I was mortified to go back to my home or my apartment because I didn't know if they, you know, knew where I lived, if they had access. My home didn't happen, wasn't like far away from where that incident happened. I stayed in, like, I ended up staying in a hotel for a good couple of days until we could change all the locks on my doors and install a alarm system and take all of the necessary precautions. But I remember going back to my apartment, locking myself into like three doors. And like, Tim I, but I couldn't take a shower and wash my hair and close my eyes because I was so nervous that if I like if I close my eyes, I'm somehow not going to hear or see like, you know, the water is going to prevent me from hearing of somebody enters or, you know, talk about,

like, sleeping with one eye open. So, and, you know, I was mid-South Africa at that time. I only won, like, three months prior to that. And I was still very much trying to prove myself. You know, the country, like, had a big say on the winner. Like, there's a public vote. Like, you know, I'm trying to, like, prove that I was the rightful winner here. And I somehow convinced myself that being carjacked made me look weak. And I somehow convinced myself that it was my fault. Wow. You know, and later I learned by actually going to therapy and getting help, I learned that, you know, it's easier to blame yourself than to blame somebody else because you have more control over that. And my stepmom is actually a neuropsychologist. She has her like PhD, a neuropsychology.

So I never went to therapy, you know, before, but I did grow up with a stepmom that was a neuropsychologist and that's still practicing till today. And so I think that just seeds of truth that she's helped me implement in my life and the skills and the tools that she's taught me throughout my life just as a mom figure. Yeah. Probably has come in like way more handy than I ever really noticed. And interestingly enough, also what I learned from that incident is if you address, because we're, what I was really suffering from was ASD acute stress disorder. And that's from what I've learned after that incident. It's something that's normal and that happens after a dramatic incident and it can last

for up to about 30 days. But if you seek professional help, like psychological help within about 72 hours after that incident, it drastically minimizes the like opportunity for that ASD to turn into PTSD. Yeah. And so that was something that my stepmom really encouraged me to do. I'm so thankful for doing. I end up receiving like EMDR treatment. Yeah. Which was very, very helpful. Like it was really crazy to see how your brain processes trauma. Yeah. And I'm so thankful that I did that. You know, one thing my stepmom really helped me realize she told me, she said, Demi, you are not going to be

able to fully and truly heal until you recognize that you actually have a problem here. And that was a big step forward for me. Yeah. Even just acknowledging. Yeah. Yeah, I do kind of need help. I don't have to be strong over myself in this situation. That was a big thing for me in therapy with, you know, I worked as a COVID nurse and saw a lot. And when I first started going to therapy, I was telling my therapist like, oh, I went through this, but it's fine. Like, I'm okay. And I kept saying it's fine. Like, I'm fine. And he was like, can you stop like saying that? Like, what you went through is traumatic and you need to like actually address that it's okay that you're struggling. And you're not fine and that's fine, you know? And it took me a long time to like actually. I mean, that's something I still like I still struggle with. I'm always like, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, that's okay. I'm fine. Like I'm very quick to say that. But he was the first person that was like, you're not fine. What you went through is very traumatic. Yeah. So learn to like start saying, stop saying it's fine and like fully address it. But I did EMDR too for that. And it was like one of the best things. I feel like I like could have done. It really helped. It really does. Found parts in my brain that I like didn't even like, things I didn't even remember were like brought up. And I was like, oh my gosh.

Like I completely forgot like this happened in the hospital or like I had this patient do this. So it's crazy what the MDR can do. I'm a big advocate for that. Same. Likewise. Well, first and foremost, thank you for just loving people and for being in that moment and helping people that really needed it and just really being on those front lines. I can't imagine. I never heard of the 72-hour thing.

That's crazy. Yeah, I think I've kind of heard of it, but once you start talking about it, I remembered. Yeah. Wow. I mean, it makes sense. I'm not sure exactly why I'm obviously no expert yet. Yeah, that apparently those 72 hours after a trauma happens just can really be instrumental in time period. No, it makes sense.

Yeah. Wow. Well, I feel like that's a good segue to. to you and your husband's foundation, the Tim Tebow Foundation, because you guys do a lot of amazing work, raising awareness in the fight against human trafficking and supporting children with medical needs. Is that what kind of drove both of you towards those two topics?

Is that, you know, is what you went through part of that? Yeah, thank you for asking that. I think Tim and I, when we first met, I told you I didn't watch football. Yeah. So when we first met, I feel like we really didn't have a ton in common. Like we actually just genuinely didn't. Like we haven't seen like each other's favorite movies.

Like a lot of the movies I think that you guys watched here just never even made it to South Africa as a kid. Right. So we just didn't necessarily have like a ton. And like I talked rugby. He talked football. Like didn't have a ton in common. But really what brought us together was a big part of our purpose separately. So we didn't necessarily have a ton in common, but we had a lot in purpose.

And I'm so thankful for that because you can learn to play golf together. I think that's something you guys might be taking about. Yeah, we need it. You know, you can learn to play golf together. You can learn to play pickleball together. And we have, and that's fun. It's awesome. But really what brought us together was the work that the Zemtebo Foundation does,

serving people with profound medical needs and special needs and disabilities. And my heart, that's the same. from having a sister that was born with severe special needs. My little sister and I were 10 years apart. And I just always wanted to be a big sister. I think you're an only child too, right? So I grew up the first 10 years of my life, like begging my parents for a sibling, you know. My parents were divorced.

My mom couldn't have more children. But my dad and my step-mom, I'm like, you guys can get me away? Like, baby should say, come on. And the day came where they called me and they actually, on my 10th birthday, they called me, and they sent me a fax. Oh, my God. And they were like, hey, we want to send you your birthday gift. And I was like, what, like, Celine Dion's coming to South Africa?

I was obsessed with Celendian. Like, I just wanted, she had a tour, and I was so excited. And we lived in such a small town. I was like, I'm going to Celine Dion. Like, this is amazing. Like, what are you going to send me on a fax? You know? Celine Dion tickets, obviously.

And the facts came through and it said, like, Demi, do, do, do, do, do you are going. I'm like, to a Celine Dion concert. Oh, my gosh. you are going to be a big sister. And it was just the best birthday gift. It was just the best news. I immediately started planning like our outfits are going to match. I'm going to teach your field hockey, which is what I play.

Like we're going to go shopping together. Like all these like big sister dreams. I had them all. And Frania was born. And four months later, well, after she was born shortly, like after her first like six week checkup, my parents realized something wasn't right. but they didn't know what and it took another three and a half, like about three months, two and a half months to actually get her diagnosed.

And Franja was diagnosed with a brain disgenesis, which means like the gray and black matter in her brain were disrupted. And it was threefold. And one of the things that happened was she was born without a cerebellum, which is your small brain. And I know a whole lot more about the small brain than I ever thought I needed to. But the small brain is like back here and it basically correlates, can coordinate your whole nerve and muscular system.

So anything that requires muscle usage, she had no control over. And that's anything as small as like swallowing. Like she had no control over that. So she ended up having to get like a feeding tube. Something else that developed later in her life was like just severe seizures. At one point she had like 42 in a 24 hour period. Oh boy. So it was just it was really hard.

It was just really hard seeing my parents not being able to. to do anything for her. Being the sibling of someone with special needs and disabilities, I think, has just allowed me to resonate with people in a different way, been able to understand certain situations and have compassion for certain things that I don't think I would have necessarily been given the opportunity to have if I didn't have my little sister, Frania. And really the goal of the Tim Tipo Foundation is to bring faith, open love to people in their deepest darkest hour of need. And that is, we have various different initiatives, but really the four

main areas that we focus on is to fight for people for victims of human trafficking and child exploitation, to provide support for children with profound medical needs, to help with adoption aid and prevention and our special needs ministry. So, and Night to Shine is Hottema and I met. It was through inviting my sister to Night to Shine, which is a celebration for people, over the world. We have them in 56 countries up to date and 725 locations all over the world. And South Africa is one of them. And so between my sister and the work that my husband's been doing for such a long time is how we met. And so I didn't, I, you know, first didn't know his name, but I knew he was the night to shine guy. Okay. So I knew him as the night to shine guy, not necessarily

Tim to Bo. Yeah. And I think just, you know, obviously the car jack in my heart that stemmed from that incident aligned our purpose in that way. Yeah. I feel like that's so special what you said is like you guys didn't have a lot in common, but like you had the same purpose and like, you know, goal in life and things that have affected you and things that you're passionate about. I don't think I've ever like heard someone like put it that way before because I feel like we're so quick to be like, you know, very surface level things. Like there's nothing you guys could like, not nothing, but there were fewer things you guys could surface level. relate on than what your hearts were like truly passionate about. Yeah. But I just, that's so special.

I haven't like heard someone put it that way before. Or thought about it that way. Yeah. Yeah. I think that was really the thing that really connected us. Yeah. That was the foundation for our relationship. Yeah. So I'm very thankful for that for sure. That's so sweet. I am big on comfort and style. And I feel like with walking shoes, with workout shoes, tennis shoes in general, it's kind of hard to find a shoe that. that is both stylish, but also feels good on your feet and feels good to wear them and be active. If you're in that same boat as me, I have a solution for you and you're going to want to listen to this. It is Vionics Walk Max sneaker. These sneakers have been so amazing.

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Okay, let's talk about your new book that is out now. Woo! A crown that last, you are not your label. Can you tell us a little bit about the meaning behind the title, what the book's about, just all about it? Girl, I can't relieve. I wrote a book. That's so crazy.

It's one of those things that just always feel impossible until it's done. Sounds daunting. Wait, is this your first book? Yeah. Why did I think you've, like, written? I literally feel like, oh, my mind? I wouldn't be surprised if you're like, no, this is number 15. I literally thought this is going to be like number seven or something.

Well, like my husband's written like a bajillion. So I was like some catching up to you. So that's the other tabo. Congrats. I'm so excited. Thank you. It was so fun. I didn't think I was going to write the book by myself.

I really thought I was going to, you know, try and make use of a ghost writer. But I knew from the beginning that there were two chapters that I wanted to write myself. And that was the chapter about my sister. And then the chapter about the carjack, I actually have. two full chapters about each of them and what has transcended from that and the lessons that I've learned. I start writing the book and the first chapter and I called my ghostwriter. I was like, AJ, I'm so sorry, but I think I'm going to write this myself. I loved it so much. It was just writing about my sister was really hard. I am the oldest. I'm an only child for the biggest part of my

life and I think I've always just resorted to being the responsible one, like being helpful, not causing chaos. And when my sister was born, I think that just got elevated without me ever realizing. And when I wrote this chapter, I remember having a conversation with my dad and my stepmom, and they were like, Demi, you know, like, after Franja passed away in 2019, we just kind of, you know, never really spoke about how her life affected your childhood and affected that had on you. And writing this chapter really forced me to think about that and to deal with it. Because I think Fania passed away. I got the first flight home. I started helping with the funeral and doing whatever we could to just do what we needed to do. And it didn't necessarily really even hit me. I know our first heaven anniversary was really hard. I felt like that was like the first time that it actually really sunk in. But then after that, it wasn't until I wrote the book. And really like something about putting words on paper that's so therapeutic. And like you said, when you work with your therapist, like unlocks memories that you just never even knew you had, you know.

But really, the base of my book is based in how we so quickly and so easily root our worth and our value and essentially our identity in things that are temporary. And I did that with so many things throughout my life. And it just sent me on a roller coaster of constantly not feeling like I'm in. enough, not feeling like I'm worthy, not feeling like I'm valued, just like sending me on a spiral of just not having any confidence. And, you know, the way that we are formed, that our identity is formed is by like our life circumstances, the relationships that we have, the experiences that we have. But when we root our identity in our life circumstances, at some point or another, it's going to send us on this rollercoaster of all these unanswered questions, all these, you know, just self-doubt that we have.

et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And I had to go and really realize what is it that I'm rooting my identity and I realize it needed to be in something that was fixed that was never changing, that was bigger than myself and that was always, always trustworthy. And for me personally, that has been my faith. That is the only thing that I have found that can live up to those four things. That is fixed, trustworthy, never changing and bigger than myself. I love that. Yeah. So a crown that lost. I named it a crown that lost because I don't, my crown that it lost. Right, right. I'm not wearing it right now. I actually had to give it back and that was, that was hard. Yeah. What is your biggest hope that people take away after reading the book?

I hope, my readers, I really, really, my, I really hope that everybody that reads this book can go and apply it to their own life. Like I, that was one of my biggest goals with writing this book. I didn't want it to just be a story of my life. I didn't want it to just be a self-help book. I really wanted to be impactful for my readers. And I was very intentional with that. I divided the book into four sections. Dick, plant, grow, and flourish. Because in order to be able to go and plant new seeds of truth in our life, we sometimes have to go and uproot the tangled, you know, messy,

maybe even like dead, old, ugly roots of our identity before we get to go and plant new seeds of truth. But even in the growing phase, when those plantlings, you know, start to like, come up and flourish, they're still pruning that needs to take place. That can be hard. And so I've divided the book into four sections and the last section is called flourish. And I write in chapter 10, I say say no to celery and not like the check, not like the paycheck, like celery, the leaves, celery. So I'm all about like a good green juice. But celery leaves don't lost. And this is actually based on a story outside of Athens in a city of used to call Corinth.

they used to have the Ismian games that like happened not far from there. And the Ismian games were like a big rival to like the Olympic Games. I know Olympic we've got, we'll have Olympic fever right now. There used to be like a big rival to the Olympic Games. And the winners of these games would win a crown. Okay. And that's really a big part of what inspired my title. They would win a crown.

But my crown that I got to wear was made of diamonds and pearls. And it's probably somewhere in a vault right now. But what these athletes won was a crown. crown made up of celery leaves or depending on the season pine or olive tree leaves. And I don't know about you guys, but that just sounds like a head salad to me. That was not going to last. And the crazy thing was some scholars believe that these athletes were like literally willing to put their lives on the line to just go and compete at these games.

Like that's how like hard and intense it was. So, you know, they were willing to like give up so much to wear a crown. made up of celery leaves. And so that really inspired the title. Let's not chase perishable crowns. Let's chase after things that actually really matter and can lost into eternity. Wow. That's great. I can't wait to read. Yeah. And it's out now. So go go get it for yourself. Go get it. Before we head into our last 11-7 segment, I just wanted to ask this. In your final round of your Miss Universe pageant, you were asked what quality of yourself were you most proud of? And I'd love to know seven years later sitting here today, what quality today and yourself are you most proud of?

I think, that's such a great question. I love that yes. I think if I could re-answer that question, I would say I am proud of the fact that I can admit that I don't have it all figured out. I handed back my crown, I moved back to New York and I, like, pretended to be my own assistant for a good couple of months because I was so fearful of telling someone, I don't know what's next and I'm okay with that. That was really hard for me. I achieved this big thing and I just had to give back my dream job and it left me completely aspiring into a total identity crisis into that season that just felt wasted. And I felt like an absolute failure saying,

I don't know what's next. And I'm okay with it. But listen, I'm going to continue working through it. Because in that season, I think I alluded to self-bity and just sitting in that and hoping for the next thing to just arrive on my doorstep. And so, yeah, I would just, I'd like to give myself a hug.

Like, Tammy, 2017, I just want to give her a hug and say, it's okay you don't have to be perfect yeah um one of my chapters is titled presence over perfection and my dogs actually make a little bit of a tribute in the in the book they make an appearance in the book big dog dog love here i know you guys are dog lover i got to meet your babies earlier when tim and i first got married i used to like be on a like frantic just mission to get the house spotless and perfect and clean whenever we had guests over. And I have three big dogs and they all shed. Like they're all like big shedding dogs. And like I would have the little room bus going. I would have the, you know, just all the things. And Tim, like one day told me, it's like, listen, people are going to

care more about you just being present than being perfect. If the toilet paper runs out like they're grownups. They can ask for more. And now we have a sign at our front door that says welcome. I hope you like dog hair. Cute. We need that sign. Yeah, we sure do. We need that side. We also need a little bit of that advice.

Are you calling me out? Yeah, I'm already. That's me. That's me. I literally woke up before you came. I had the room with going. I was vacuuming stuff. Oh, your house is beautiful.

Well, thank you. Thank you. I can definitely relate to that one. Okay, should we do our little lemon seven? Perfect. These are just seven questions. You can rapid fire them. You can go into detail.

Whatever your heart desires When you hear the question You want to start us off? All right. Number one What movie or song title Best describes your mental health today? Hmm. I'm so bad with songs and things,

but I think, you know what? I think I told you my books divided into four-section Stig Blancor of Flourish, but I think a lot of what we don't always talk about I had a conversation with all my friends, Sadie Rob Popp recently, and she told me, she said,

Demi, you know, when you think about the planting, like, nobody really ever talks about, like, the darkness that you feel like being just covered in, like, dirt. Like, that's needed for that seat to eventually flourish. But, like, being just covered in, you know, like, for me right now, I feel like just work and responsibility. And, like, one of my friends had a, had a baby and they live not far from me. And I haven't seen her baby yet, you know, like, it's been a few months. And I've just been so just like planted in the feel like that feels like just dirt at the moment. So maybe song, I feel like maybe here comes the sun by the Beatles. Because I feel like I'm starting to just see light.

And, you know, that waiting season is just starting to feel lifted in a big way. And I know it's never going to be perfect. And that's okay. Wow. Well, that was great. Yeah, that was a great answer. Geez. Okay, number two is how open are you with people in your life when you're struggling?

Tim and I always say we don't have accountability partners. You have transparency partners. Yeah. Because you still get to lie to accountability partners. You know, you don't always get to be fully honest to them. Well, that's up to you, right? Yeah. So having transparency partners, I think is important.

And I think that's not something that I necessarily go and announce to the whole world. But I have, I call them my pit crew. And there are a small group of people that I really trust and that I know loves me and cares about me and knows all the good parts that like and the bad parts. You know, I feel like fitting in can sometimes be rooted in in fear. But belonging is rooted in love. And belonging really just means to be fully known and fully loved regardless of your imperfections. So I wouldn't say it's something that I allude to very easily. but when I know it's necessary, I have a small group, a pet crew of transparency partners.

That's sweet. That's great. All right. Number three, if you could only follow three social media accounts, what would they be? Like for forever? Like, never get anything. Yeah, never. You only get three.

I don't really scroll that much on Instagram. Like, I don't feel like I, like, I just, honestly, most of the stuff that pops up, It just makes me happy or like dog accounts. Yeah. So I think there's an account I follow dogs of Instagram. Yeah. And it's really cute and it just always makes me happy. Dogs of Instagram.

I genuinely love learning from Dr. Caroline Leaf. I know we spoke about her earlier. I would love to keep following her because she posts every Friday. She posts memes. And like I go on Instagram to go check out her memes on Friday. They are so funny. Yeah. I'm like, what are they going to be this week?

So Hocke's pretty witty. So Hucketer County, please keep posting them. They're like the highlight of my week sometimes. And the third one, maybe like a magnolia, like lifestyle. I love. I love Joanna Gaines and everything that she does. Who doesn't? Yeah.

You know, like cooking, cooking tips, like what a woman. Decorating. We've been married for four years going on five. And I like just got one of our guest rooms like furnished. Like the, you know, the guest room. I'm like, I just, I'm glad to hear. I'm not alone in that. I was like, Tim, your Mankay furniture is officially out.

I know. That's funny. Those are good accounts. I would agree with all of this. I think it's fun. Okay, number four is, what is your favorite form of self-care? Okay, I don't know if this counts as self-care, but I love caring for my dogs. Like, giving them a bath in the summer.

Absolutely. You know, like, there's just, they are so calming. They're just they always They're always happy to see you No matter what Like no matter if you live for a minute or an hour They're always happy to see you And I like he like they pretend to hate it

But I know they actually love it Yeah So my golden will like If I'm brushing my Bernice Because he like has a lot of hair It really is a lot of brushing My golden will like come and like Squeeze in and like put himself in front of the

Yeah, the price So it's so it's so like calming to me I just always feel so replenished Yeah. And then I mean, I told you guys, I'm a good great girl. Like, I love a good face mask, good Eps and salt bath, little peppermint oils. And so, yeah. That's great. All right. Number five, what would you say is the most misunderstood thing about you? Hmm. Probably my accent. Fair enough. Literally. Literally. Caramel. Caramel, caramel plant, on. Who knows. Banana banana. Good answer. That's a very good answer. Okay, number six is who has had the most positive impact on your mental health? Oh, many people, but I would say probably my stepmom, just the role that she fulfilled in my life. And like I said, I never even knew I had a therapy session, but I had a stepmom that just poured into me and taught me like how to set boundaries and be okay with it, like how to use the word no. like yeah I think she's just given me such practical like skills and tools that was that's just empowered me throughout my life I mean all my parents genuinely like I'm so thankful to be able to

even say that I have two sets of parents like I have four people in my life that I genuinely see as as my parents as mom and dad figures in my life and they all fulfill such a different role and they've just been there obviously since day one and I'm so so thankful for them. So I made my step-parents when I was three and five. And so I both, yeah, my parents both got remarried and they've both been remarried for like, I think, 25 and 27 years or something. So, yeah, so, or no, that math doesn't add up, but like around there, right? So, yeah, just very thankful for them. Very, very thankful for them. And of course, my husband, he's just, he's such a, just, he's really just my greatest cheerleader. I feel like sometimes he believes in me when I don't. And he, he,

it's just my sounding bored I love that so much about him so thank you for him love you babe all right last but not least number seven if you could go back to one moment in your life what moment would that be

and what would you say to yourself the day before our wedding was chaos like it was a really hard day we got married in South Africa my home country and we got married in Cape Town and the wine wine region

and it's so it's like the Napa of South Africa yeah but maybe better yeah I've always wanted to go and then you have like you know

like a short flight and you have a safari and there's mountains and there's beaches it's just it's our favorite place in the world genuinely I'm very biased

obviously but I got Tim Hook too but the day before our wedding was chaos it was storming there were Gail Force winds we had like these big pots

that just like blew over They couldn't sit up for our wedding. And we didn't necessarily have a backup. We got married in the middle of summer. There were no rain predicted. Like there was like maybe one rainy day predicted for the whole month of January because it's dry season.

And it's like in a semi-desert area. So it was not necessarily supposed to be rain. And it was just chaos. And we also have this tradition in South Africa where the bride and the groom doesn't see each other the day before the wedding. So we had our rehearsal dinner on the Saturday and we got married on the Monday so that we could have of like that tradition and it was sweet but it was so stressful and I was just so stressed that I genuinely didn't get to enjoy any of it like I like even thinking back like all I can

remember is like chaos stress and I wedding day end up being end up being perfect like in my book I write about like you know you think like it's the big things in life that like that like it's supposed to be perfect but it's actually all the small moments all the small sweet moments that end up making the big moments. You know, like, I remember the rain went away the day of our wedding, and they were able to set up a so crazy, crazy, Whitney. Like, I had a veil, and my veil, like, flew, like, straight up in the air. But I remember, like, just about before we were walking down the aisle,

my dad and I looked at each other, and he's like, are you ready? And I'm like, well, we both got to be right now. And he just, like, gripped onto my veil so, so, so tight. He's like, I'm not going to let this thing go, don't you worry. He just, like, had me in that moment. And that was, like, such a sweet, such a sweet moment, you know, like, looking over and just, like, seeing my mom crying and my dad getting all, all softy and sweet. You know, like, it's all those sweet moments, like, seeing Tim's face, like, walking down the aisle. Like, who cares about, like, if it was pouring rain?

Like, you know, everybody still had the best, the best time. And it ended up being the best day. But I wish I could go back to the day before and just be more present than. wanting to make everything perfect. Yeah. That's good advice. That's sweet. Well, thank you so much for joining us.

Thanks for having me. This was so fun. It's so fun getting to like learn more about you. I feel like we're like one degree of separation. Yeah, I know. We have so many mutual friends. So this is so. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements

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