The Squeeze - Dr. Sasha: ADHD and Knowing Your Patterns

Episode Date: June 28, 2023

Dr. Sasha is a psychiatrist specializing in ADHD who has ADHD herself. Today she joins your hosts to discuss her journey with the diagnosis, med school, and becoming a parent. Dr. Sasha breaks down the three hallmark features of ADHD and the various ways they can present themselves. She explains how she stopped taking her medication when she went off to school and felt like she had a stroke as she fell to the bottom of her class—by a lot. Her and her father then dove into ADHD research so she could fully understand what was going on. She explains the shocking gap in the average age of diagnosis between genders, and how people (especially women) can be diagnosed with anxiety or depression in place of ADHD because of their symptoms. She offers advice to parents potentially facing a diagnosis and emphasizes the importance of recognizing your own patterns. She also touches on ADHD and dating/relationships, and discusses her book and ADHD management app to help people with ADHD.  Follow Dr. Sasha on Instagram and TikTok @thepsychdoctormd and check out her book, Self-Care for People with ADHD 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Prioritize You! Plus, watch out for her app, FocusGenie, coming soon.   Thanks to our awesome sponsors!  Ice Barrel — Go to icebarrel.com/THESQUEEZE and use code THESQUEEZE to get an exclusive offer  Jenni Kayne — Find your forever pieces @jennikayne and get 15% off with promo code THESQUEEZE at jennikayne.com/THESQUEEZE! #jennikaynepartner    To email us your questions or share your story, you can reach out to [e-mail]. Be sure to rate, review, and follow the podcast so you don't miss an episode! Plus, follow us on Instagram, @thesqueeze and personally @taylautner and @taylorlautner.   To learn more from The Lemons Foundation, follow @lemonsbytay on Instagram and visit lemonsbytay.com  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Go to your rise-adviseur on Sunnycars. When life gives you lemons, what do you do with them? Over here at the squeeze, we talk about it. Hello everyone.

Welcome back to another episode of The Squeeze. You have to Taylor Lautner's. Hello, everyone. Thanks for tuning in. Yeah, if you're new here, hello, welcome to the little lemon drop community. That's what we call our group. I don't know if everyone approved of that.

I think everyone did. Yeah? The feedback on social seemed. It was positive? Yeah. Or lemon drops? Yeah. What do you guys think?

Let us know. Okay. Let us know in the comment if you like the lemon drop. But I'm very concerned. excited for this episode. I bet you are because you're about ready to learn. Alert. Your favorite.

On this episode, we have Dr. Sasha on. And her story is just crazy because she is a psychiatrist that specializes in ADHD, but she herself has ADHD. Yeah. Which I just think is the coolest thing. It is. And just getting to hear her every day of having ADHD and also of helping people with it.

Yeah. And teaching it. It's so personal to her. She's just a light and we have. She's so passionate about it. And you can just tell when she talks about her job and helping people. It really, I've never, like, thought of, I've never seen or heard of that before. Yeah.

When somebody, like, you know, specializes and helps people that struggle with something. Yeah. when they themselves, like, live with that same thing. Yeah. On a day-to-day basis. Yeah. Yeah, we dove into all the statistics with her, her life, as a mom now, growing up with it, her diagnosis, how she works professionally with it. There was some crazy stats that she said.

I don't want to say them because I literally, for a week when she explained this. And I'm still blown away by it. So make sure you guys stay tuned for it. there. She dropped some good bombs about society and how we diagnose. Oh, yes. ADHD. You know what I'm talking about now? I do. Oh, yeah. Caught up. Yeah. But yeah, this episode is so great. We are so thankful for Dr. Sasha for coming on. Yeah. I just love her. We had so much fun with her. Yeah. She's so great. Yeah. So enjoy this episode. Enjoy this episode. Enjoy. We'll talk to you in a bit. Do you want us to call you Dr. Sasha? In coming. Literally whatever you want.

Doc. Doc. Doc is cool. Doc is cool. Doc Sosh. Yeah. Welcome to the squeeze. Yay.

I'm so excited to be here. Woo-hoo. We are so excited. We are. We have lots of fun questions. I'm so excited to hear your answers for. But first, we have this jar on our table. We play this little game called Citrus got real.

Ooh. If you would like to grab a little piece of paper out of there. I would. What is your favorite app on your phone? Hmm, that's a good question. Okay, can I ask clarifying questions? Yeah. Okay.

Like, what is the app I use the most? What is the most enjoyable app? What is, you're not going to get a simple answer out of me. I would say, hmm. Maybe your favorite. Do, yeah, your favorite. The one that I enjoy the most. And I would allow, I would allow two answers here.

Okay. one being your favorite and the one you enjoy the most and one that you like find the most helpful. Oh, good question. Okay. Can I give you three answers? Yes. We'll allow it. My, my, the one that I find most helpful along with the rest of America, I'm sure, is the notes app.

Oh, that's good. Always. Like I'm constantly afterwards looking back. at my phone and these different notes apps, it is like brain dump into those spots and it's, I use it all the time. Okay. Favorite app?

Probably TikTok. Yeah. Okay. Truly. It's enjoyable. It's like I feel like it is a really responsive algorithm. And so like the stuff you really enjoy, you're going to be fed very efficiently.

Got it. And so you're getting stuff that is really like this personalized feed for you. And you're like, hmm, perfect mix. of mental health and cat content. Go. Right. So I enjoy that. Okay.

That's good. Yeah, because on Instagram sometimes, I'm like, why is this coming up on my algorithm? I know. I mean, there's definitely stuff that makes sense, but sometimes I'm like, I don't know where this is coming from. My third answer is an app I'm developing for ADHD management. Yes. We're going to hit on that later. See, then this was for a good purpose.

All right? Heck yeah. It knew you were coming. The paper knew. It's got real. Yeah. It knew. So that is technically on my phone, but it's in test flight stuff.

But I love it and I'm obsessed with it and I use it all the time. Oh my gosh. I love it. Yeah. We'll dive into that later. We'll circle back to that later. Okay. Hold that thought.

But for those of you that are listening that don't know, Doc. Sasha. I think your story is just so cool and it's so unique and you don't hear about it. often. So you are a psychiatrist that specializes in ADHD. Yes. But you yourself also have ADHD. That's why I specialized in it. Okay, I was going to ask, is that why? Did you, like, go,

did you know you, like, wanted to become a doctor and do that? I've known I wanted to be a doctor since I was five. My mom's a pediatrician. Oh. Okay. And so I'm like, she's the happiest person in America. Oh. That's, that's her. And so I'm like, okay, that's what I want to do too. I went to med school with the intent to like kind of do that. And then when I was in med school, so when I started, this was really hard and what is happening to me.

And I started struggling more with, I was diagnosed with the ADHD, but I didn't really understand it or know about it. Yeah. And then I kind of struggled with it and had to work through it. And then when I was towards a tail in a medical school, I was like, I need to do psychiatry. I mean, this is really where my interest is. And then when I was in psychiatry residency, I really kind of niche down and focus more on that.

And that's what's kind of led me here. Oh, my gosh. That is just, it's so cool. Like, such a full circle moment. I mean, yeah, it makes sense. If I, you know, if I had something or was one to talk about something specifically, I would feel very comforted knowing I'm talking to somebody who can completely relate to me. Yeah. That sounds awesome.

Yeah, that's so true. That's such a good point. I didn't even think about that part on the receiving end. I was just thinking about on her end. Because you always talk to somebody who's like, you know, gives great advice, but it's at their core. Yeah. They can't relate, relate to it, but they have these tools and stuff to help you. Yeah.

But it's a whole other level of talking to somebody who has those tips, tricks and tools and the wisdom and the education and all. also can completely relate to what you're going through. Yeah. Lived experience. It makes a big difference, I think. I think that going through what I've gone through and like talking to patients, doing social media about it, I feel like I can relate to where they're coming from because I'm like, yep. That is a real thing.

Been there. Don't have done. Yeah. And so I think it has been, it's been a cool journey. Yeah. Yeah. So something as you guys know that. has been a huge part of my mental health journey, Taylor's mental health journey, journeys

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and judgment-free space. I love that cerebral is 100% online because that means you have no excuse. You have to go. Yeah. Like there's no, oh, I don't have time to go drive. It's too long of a drive. No, you can do it on your lunch break. You can do it before work, after work.

And it's honestly just, it's convenient. Yeah. It's convenient. And they have great therapists. Yeah. And it's, it'll just keep you accountable to. So we highly,

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That's Cerebral C-E-R-E-B-R-A-L.com slash podcast and use code the squeeze. Offer is only valid on monthly plans. Other exclusions may apply. See C-Sy for details. Get going on that therapy. For those that may not know a ton about ADHD, could you give us just like a breakdown and just, like explain a little bit in layman's terms.

We're going to talk about it a lot in this episode. Yeah. So you probably should set a little ground level. Yeah. So 80s. D.S.D. is a neurodevelopmental condition. So this is something that most times you're born with. It's genetically passed down.

And it has three big homework features. And I'll break it down a little bit further. But inattentiveness, hyperactivity, impulsivity. And you could have one of those, you can have three of those, and it's all broken down into different categories. So there are three big types. There's an inattentive type. There is the hyperactive type. And then there's a combined type, which is like a combination of both.

Inattentive is what it sounds like, right? If people are forgetful, they have difficulty organizing things, they have difficulty initiating tasks, they have difficulty with daily routine. it's typically how girls present and not super disruptive, but if you notice it as like this ongoing pattern, obviously you could see how that would be a problem. Hyperactive is more of like the physical and verbal impulsivity, like really fidgety, difficulty staying in your seat, difficulty keeping your hands to yourself,

like verbally impulsive, like blurting out an answer or speaking on top of other people, oversharing. And then combined is obviously a combination of the two. Okay. So it's interesting seeing that like the different variations and shades of all of them and how they present differently with gender, how they present differently with age. It's just, it's all very nuanced. Yeah. I was going to ask, how old were you when you were diagnosed?

That's a complicated question. Fourth grade is technically when I was diagnosed. Okay. There's a whole story with that. I'm going to tell you this story. Yeah, I'm here for it. We're not leaving. Okay.

All right. Fourth grade, substitute teacher. I started a coup in my classroom. I got all the other kids to stand up on their desk and start, like, chanting at the, you're looking at me like I did something. I'm very excited. Are you? Yes. I'm drawn in.

I'm there. I'm on the desk with you. So, like, substitute teacher was like, no. And then talk to my teacher. My teacher was like, oh, yeah, we've seen this. This is like a pattern of behavior. She's disruptive. Like, she messes up the flow of the classroom.

And so they talk to my parents, my mom, pediatrician, gets me in to get evaluated. The pediatrician is like, I get treated right away. So I was starting on medication. At that time, I'm not going to tell you how old I am, but I am old. It was a time where ADHD wasn't really talked about, especially for girls. Right. I'm still pretty stigmatized, and I was a sensitive kid, and my parents didn't really know how to broach that with me. Yeah.

So they're like, here, take this. It's a vitamin that's going to help you with school. So I was like, cool, man. I'd take that. And I take my Flintstone vitamin, and I'd go on my way. I did well enough and stop being disruptive and no more coups, got out of high school, did well enough that I could get into medical school right out of high school. And then that was the first time I was away from home. And that was when kind of wheels came off because I stopped taking my vitamin.

Oh. And I was like, what happened to me? Like, I feel like I have a stroke. Like, I went from being a pretty solid achiever in high school. Yeah. To being the bottom of my class by a lot. Wow. And the first neurobiology test I had, I got a 32%, which is very bad.

And the reason was the first part. at the first front of the page, I missed one question. I forgot to flip over the page, and I turned in the test. And so the second half of the page had it. So I went to my teacher and I was like, this was a stupid mistake.

I'm so sorry. Clearly this wasn't. And he was like, you're going to learn from this or you're not. Oh, wow. Okay. And so I was like, something is wrong

because I keep making these stupid, like I feel like everybody else is kind of smooth sailing and I feel like I'm getting smoked. by like these little errors that keep adding up and making my life impossible. So I got to a point where I was like, this is just so hard. Like I cannot do this. And my parents at that point were like, you went doing so hot.

Like just come home. We'll talk about it. Let's course correct. But we need to figure out what's going on. And so I came home and my dad was like, we need to talk about ADHD. We need to talk about what this is because I think this. And I was like, there's no way. I don't have it.

Like, boys have that. I don't have it. Rebelled against the medication. Try it again. Tried super hard. And it just, like, nothing would connect or work. I would try different things every time I tried to study. And, like, I just had no foundational knowledge.

And it was just so hard to work. What I felt is, like, twice as hard as everybody else. Yeah. But only go 50% of the ones. way. That's what I felt like. I was just like, what is it disconnect? So then I did. I was like, I just need to go home. Like I want to leave school. I don't want to do this anymore. And so my dad and I just absolutely bunkered down for a week and did nothing but look at ADHD. We looked at like what the name meant, what the neurobiology was. And he's not a physician. He was just like

in it with me. Like researching and he's like, did you look at this? I'm like, yeah, did you see this? And we really, really, really deep dove into it. And I think he did, and my mom also did such a good job, allowing me to, like, float around in that space and find my own way. Yeah. And maybe I wasn't ready for it when I was, like, in fourth grade, it just wasn't talked about it. And I wouldn't have been, like, ready. Or I might have. I don't know.

But that was the spot where I was like, okay, my brain is different. I'm wired differently. What can I do to make this journey better? And then things, I feel like I never quite got out. of that whole in med school because I was still kind of like climbing and trying to survive at the end and like reconfiguring and figuring out like what are my tools. Yeah. And then in residency, I was surrounded by psychiatrists and therapists because I was in psychiatry residency. And that's when they were like, okay, you have a great foundation. Let's work on skills. Let's work on like how to build from here.

This is how you eat. This is how you sleep. I know I just gave you a bag full of candy. But I eat better than that normally. Like, just basics of, like, stuff that I feel like humans shouldn't have such a hard time learning. Yeah. But I was, like, that never occurred to me. Oh, you need to exercise for your brain to work better. Yeah. Didn't know that.

Yeah. Yeah. So stuff like that. Wow. That was a long answer. Well, it's a good answer because it's a perfect segue into my next question. Okay. I was wondering if you think, or maybe there's studies.

that show this, or maybe I'm just making this up. But do you think ADHD is more prevalent in our society today than maybe 10, 15 years ago? And if so, why do you think that is? Okay, again, like you guys can't ask me questions because I give super complicated, annoying answers every time. I'm here to learn. They are not annoying at all. These are great answers.

I don't think the rate of ADHD is any different. I think people have had ADHD. I think we're diagnosing it more. I think we're talking about it more. I think we're finding it more. So I don't think there's more of it. I think we're just more aware of it. Yeah.

But that is nuanced in that, like, I think the next reasonable question is like, is it overdiagnosed? Like, if it's coming about more, is it overdiagnosed or underdiagnosed? And I think that's based on population, right? I think there's a huge population that is underdiagnosed, right? Because of racial bias or socioeconomic bias or stuff. like that where they're not, you don't think about ADHD first. Yeah. And so because of those systems in place, they're getting fully ignored and they're having

to kind of suffer alongside of other people that are getting diagnosed more than they should be. Yeah. Because this is like, oh, okay, this is going to help with school. This is going to help give them resources and things like that. So it depends. Yeah. That makes sense.

Yeah. I might say this backwards. So correct me if I say it backwards. I know you've done like a lot of videos on like how ADHD can bring about depression. Is that, am I saying that in the correct order? Yeah. Do you think there is people that maybe get diagnosed with like depression or anxiety but not ADHD because of like how it's presenting? Yes, especially women.

Especially women. So women present as like the inattentive type primarily. So difficulty focusing, foggy. Like difficulty remembering details. difficulty with initiating tasks. So a lot of times it's like, oh, they're depressed. They, you know, they don't have a whole lot of motivation. You want to sleep all the time or you don't sleep enough or you.

And so what happens is that for females, they're experiencing these ADHD symptoms. They flow by in school and they're cool. They're getting passed on grade by grade because they're not bothering anybody except themselves. Yeah. They get passed on. Puberty happens. their ADHD symptoms gets worse because there's a drop in estrogen. So there's a drop in dopamine.

And physiologically, their ADHD symptoms are worsening. At that point, what happens? Everybody's like, they're hormonal. They're bitchy. It's not, it's a mood problem. Yeah. And it's not a mood problem. It's a worsening of ADHD.

So then they kind of go along and either they start birth control or they start like an antidepressant or they start something like that. And then they get into further in their lives and then they're starting their own families or they're doing things like that. And the stakes are just higher. Yeah. And so it becomes now they're, they've already kind of operated at such a deficit. Now you add these extra stressors on and it's just like this, okay, where do we go from here? So for females, you're getting diagnosed, your average age of getting diagnosed are mid-30s. And for males, it's seven or eight. Wow.

Whoa. Whoa. That's crazy. That's a age gap. Yeah. It's horrendous. And it's because, well, it's because of a lot of reasons. But I think that there's a lot of providers themselves don't know a whole lot about ADHD and about, but we're just not, even in psychiatry residency, not taught that unless you're like, I have ADHD.

I have ADHD. I have to seek out this information. Otherwise, I will die. Like this is like, I need to know. It's just not very commonly talked about. So then you have this whole like generations of doctors that are skipping symptoms because they don't know. You're not hyper. You're not disrupting the class.

And so people are getting like kind of ignored generationally until there, they have a son. And they have their son. And their son is exhibiting symptoms. And they're like, oh, I have that. Right. I always. I love moments like that where my brain is just like. well like I feel like I just sort like most profound thing ever which is very true I want to talk about the note of on kids for parents that are listening we kind of touched on it but what are kind of like the signs and symptoms of like that present in children that parent should maybe like be on the lookout for if they're maybe questioning it like what would those be I mean pretty similar I think that when you're at a young age what's difficult?

is trying to figure out, like, is this normal kid stuff? Yeah. Are you a hyper little kid? Or are you ADHD hyper? Like, what are we dealing with? And I think that a lot of that, you know, you're looking at two different environments. You're looking at home and you're looking at school. Right.

You don't really know what's happening at school. And that's a really good litmus test of like, what is my kid's level of functioning? So for people that are even remotely concerned about ADHD, I, recommend talk to your teachers. Talk to your teachers. Talk to what are you seeing in school? What have you? These teachers have gone through it. They have seen classroom over classrooms. They know what they're looking for. Yeah. And so, and I feel like they know what they're looking for almost better than some of these physicians do because they're seeing them in this organic environment. They're seeing them comparatively appears. Thousands and thousands of kids in the same environment. Don't notice those differences. And this is why I'm horrified about my behavior towards a substitute teacher.

Like I'll never like I'm indebted to teachers forever. And I was an ass. So I feel like that's the number one step. Like open dialogue. Talk to your teachers. Talk to your primary care doctor. Talk to your psychiatrists. Talk to those avenues that you have in place if you have them in place.

Because you shouldn't have to make that decision or figure out the diagnosis on your own. You're not trained for that. That's not your job. Yeah. I don't think a parent should have to do that. Yeah. You know? If you have even an inkling or a suspicion, find someone trained.

Yeah. Make them do it. Yeah. Yeah. Make them do the work. Yeah. I also want to know just how you feel as a mom with ADHD. How has that been for you?

being a mom is by far the best thing I've ever done like my favorite thing and I knew like in my brain that I wanted kids yeah but I think as I was struggling in medical school I was like how am I going to swing this this is going to be hard if I can't keep on top of like basic fundamental human staying alive stuff I'm going to keep small children right and so I had a lot of fear I had a lot of trepidating around that. And so it's been wonderful and it's been challenging because it's really exposed a lot of the areas where I have deficits. I think I'm lucky in that I have a partner who is a really open communicator about that kind of stuff and helps me with that process. And so on a fundamental daily level, like the task that for me, I feel like my 80s you really inhibits me on the day-to-day grind. Like I'm just, I have a hard time remaining. consistent and that's what kids need. They need that consistency to build structure and move forward. So I am more like the let's play in the events, let's set up appointments, let's do the stuff, but on the

day-to-day grind, my husband kind of picks up the pieces and keeps it kind of organized with me. So I know a lot of people don't have a David. I would suggest getting a David. He's very helpful. But it's

It's a like having a good partner is wonderful for people that are doing that journey alone or who don't have a partner that they can rely on as like a secondary brain because that's truly what he is. Yeah. He's more than that. But like that's what he that's such a vital role that he provides. People that are doing it alone or that don't have that support, I feel like one of the most important things to do is recognize your own patterns. Because what you're trying to do is if you don't know what you're trying to do is if you don't know what. you're doing, you don't know what you're teaching to generations below you. You don't, you won't know what you're passing on to your kids. So if you even take that step to recognize where is the whole, where is the deficit, what do I need to work on? Yeah. You can do that alongside while you're teaching your kids. But it's when people don't know that, that is just being passed along and kids are seeing that. They assume that that's normal and they keep doing it. And that's when you have to work hard at kind of knowing yourself.

Yeah. Which is good advice for all parents, I think. For sure. Know yourself. For sure. Yeah. Dating with ADHD. How, if there's like, I don't know, something for someone that's trying to find their person is struggling with it.

Maybe advice that, like, you can give a friend that is struggling with, like, trying to find their person or, like be in relationships. Yeah. A really good question. Yeah, that's what I kind of came to mind with all this. So ADHD and relationships is something I talk about so much online because I feel like no one talks about it. Like people when they think about ADHD, they think about focus. And that's like the only thing they think about.

Yeah. And I'll talk about the emotional side of things. They don't talk about the interpersonal side of things. They don't talk about any of those things that I feel like are so intrinsic to the human condition. Yeah. So with the unique things that you have to think about with ADHD in relationships, there's only a couple of them. Number one, it is that emotional dysregulation. So ADHD at its basis, your brain is moving super fast.

You're getting a whole bunch of data. And that's why it's easy to lose track of things. That's why it's hard to focus on one thing at a time. But that isn't just for information. That's for emotions as well. Yeah. So you are dealing and feeling it. and experiencing a lot of different things all at once.

The other thing is impulsivity. And that's a big one, right? Because I think what the ADHD brain is kind of seeking for, seeking is dopamine regulation. You want, and dopamine is that reward chemicals. So you want to feel good. You want to do things that's going to make your brain feel kind of on steady ground. Yeah.

And so that's where you probably have heard the term like dopamine seeking behavior. And so like, you get a lot of dopamine. in the beginning parts of a relationship and, you know, being, you know, physically intimate with your partner and, you know, all those other great dopamine-releasing things. But sometimes when you are on, like, steady ground with your partner, it's been a while, you guys have been dating for a while,

people with ADHD, and I know that I've struggled with this too, it's almost like you're like, nothing's going wrong. what is happening. And like, there's, number one, there's either an urge, like, I need to kind of shake things up because that's, like, interesting to me. And maybe it's like an unconscious thing. Or it's like a, there is a problem here because we've fallen into a pattern. When it's not a problem, it's just not chaotic for the first time.

Yeah. Right. And so my advice would be, just like the advice with parenting, is to know your patterns. Because if you don't know what you're doing, you have a hard time translating. that to another person. Yeah. The other important thing is to communicate. Because I think that if you don't, with ADHD, it's always kind of a dicey thing because

I think, like, as a culture, we didn't talk about it for a long time. And so we have just, it's an awkward thing to kind of bring up. But I think if you don't bring it up, it opens the window of, like, it opens the window of, like, interpretation. So like, if I'm not texting you, you're going to think I'm thoughtless, that I don't care about you, that I don't, you know, like that I don't respect our friendship or our relationship enough to respond. But really what happened is I got distracted by something. I'm trying to resolve an issue and then I forgot about the text. And now I'm like, or then what happens is now I've seen that I've done that. I'm so worried about your response that I'm scared

to respond to you now. It's like, it's so multifaceted. So when people, like, accuse people of being thoughtless, I'm just like, I wish you understood. I've never, never been thoughtless in my life. I have too many thoughts. Always, always. So I've thought about it in a hundred different directions before.

So I think it's just like, if you can, in an early spot in the relationship, explain, like, listen, I have ADHD and there is some stuff. that within a relationship has been problematic in the past. Like, it's some, I'm not super great at responding. I'm not super good at looking like I'm fully engaged, even though I'm trying my best. So I want you to know that ahead of time. I'm trying.

You, like, when you see that, correct me, because I'm working on it and I want you to be aware of it, but it's not a volitional thing. I'm not mad at you. I'm not trying to ignore you. Yeah. And that diffuses the situation, and you'd be surprised.

like 99% of people don't do that. Yeah. You know, they'll have the fight first. Yeah. And then when you're using that explanation later, when you use that in a fight, then it's an excuse. Yeah. Right. People think, like, well, that's just an excuse.

I've never heard that before. Right. Yeah. But when you open with that and say, I have experienced and struggled with this in the past, and I just want to give you a heads up going into it. Then you've laid that groundwork. That's like setting the thing. and it diffuses so many situations moving forward.

And there's still going to be small things coming up, but it's like, okay, that's where we start from. Yeah. You know. Wow. That was eye-opening for some of our friends and relationships and really made a lot of things make sense. And makes me want to, you know, go about it differently.

Yeah. Yeah, go about how we, like, approach helping them more giving them advice. Yeah. So you recently released a book. Yeah. Called self-care for people. I brought it for you guys.

Yes. Yeah. It's Taylor or Tay. It's in there. Also bring the twin snakes if you get it. It's. I wanted to write in it, but I couldn't find a pen. Do you want a twin snake?

I will give you one. Here, twin? Is that a... Have you not happy? No. One side is sweet. And one side is sour. My baby cousin just showed them to me.

and they're Oh, oh, I get it. One snake is sour. I get it, I get it. Twin snakes. Snack break. Mm-hmm. But I like love self-care.

Self care is a very big. Maybe move the mic away from your mouth just while you're chewing. So we don't have to give an ASMR twin snakes. I love self-care. We love self-care. Just something that has really helped my mental. Hell. Ram, leave it. No twin snakes for you. If there is like a top three to five, like, if you had to make like a checklist for someone with ADHD, what would that self-care checklist

be? This is why you watch our videos on YouTube people, because there's snakes, there's dogs. So I feel like, first of all, I think, I think in order to answer that question, I need to to kind of reframe self-care, right? Because I think self-care is broader than just like what you think of, right? Because before I wrote this, I was like, self-care is bubble bats and manicure isn't like that. But I think self-care is like, what do you do to truly take care of yourself, to nurture you from the inside? And for ADHD, I think that some of those fundamental things are like truly, taking the time to understand what ADHD is, I think that's a huge act of self-care.

Because with that, you're going to give yourself grace. You're going to be able to experience your symptoms in a way that is neutral without judgment. Yeah. You're able to kind of make decisions and not feel like this is happening independently of like this totally chaotic environment. So that would be my number one self-care tip. Just understand yourself. Number two would probably be how to talk to others about it. So understanding your environment,

but I think a self-care tip is understanding what is your community and what is your support and how to explain that to them in a way that's going to support you, in a way that you're not going to feel shame about it, and in a way that keeps it in a cohesive unit rather than like, that's what I feel like a lot of times when people are explaining ADHD, it's again, like in that defensive manner. Like some blowup has happened.

Yeah. And now you're like kind of using that ADHD. To explain your internal environment, but the other people are like, I have never heard of this. Yeah. So I think a self-care kind of thing is educating the people in the circle around you to be like, hey, this is what's going on.

And that's why I felt really strongly about writing that chapter. First of all, Chapters in this book are like two paragraphs long. They're easy little chunks. But like I wrote, to what I'm saying I wrote a chapter. I wrote two paragraphs on. So I wrote that part of the book because I felt like everywhere I was looking where I was trying. Like even when I was looking at prior to writing the book, like, how do you do self-care for ADHD? it was like just stuff that you, I mean, there's some stuff in there too, but it was like,

make sure you sleep at the right time or take yourself out on a date. And I'm like, okay. But, all right, done, checked, but that doesn't help me longitudinally. And so I felt like how to talk to your circle was an important thing of like validating that this is truly for you to make your life easier to take care of yourself. Yeah. Yeah. That's so true.

I mean, I even feel that with, like, updating because, I mean, we've been so busy, but recently I was, like, with my girlfriends and I literally was just, like, I'm, like, going through it right now. I'm sorry. I'm not, like, present and, like, having just, like, open communication with them in that regard. I feel like it's just, like, makes the whole, like, what is it? Greases the wheel.

It just keeps it moving better. Yeah. Okay. Lastly, before we have a couple 11-11 questions, let's go back to what we're talking about in the beginning. Yes. Your app? Yay! Oh, my gosh.

Tell us about it. Oh, my gosh. I'm obsessed with it. Number one. But I'm obsessed with it because, like, I feel like the app kind of came about. Before I was writing this book, I was like, how am I going to get information to people about ADHD in a way that is actually. usable, right? It's like that people with ADHD are actually going to enjoy learning about ADHD and actually

have tools to help them. Yeah. And I was like, an app, we're all in our phones. That's just so much easier. So I got my sister involved and we like started going through this process of developing an app and it's been so hard. Yeah. So impossible because I'm not technical at all.

But this firm has been helpful. And like we developed an app that I've been using every day for almost a year now. And it is, it's got these short little educational modules about ADHD that are just like, it feels like you're just swiping through social media, just like little swipe throughs. You learn a little bit. There's a mindfulness area where you get to like kind of journal like with guided prompts. And if you're like, that's a little bit too hard for me. You could put a picture. You can put a voice recording.

There's a to do list that is broken down. You can voice record that too. So that's how I've been like kind of brain dumping before bed. I'm like, this is what I need to do. And then my to do list will figure it out. As you kind of progress, there's a focus tracker, which talks about like, this is what my mood is like. This is what my hydration like. This is what my food intake was like.

So as you go through, like one of the most important things that I keep screaming about is knowing your patterns. And so this is nice because it tracks it for you. So if you're like, I had a horrible day today, you can go back and be like, I did not have a single sip of water. Yeah. And I didn't, you know, so you can track how you're doing. You have these personalized insights. It's gamified. It's like fun to use.

And it's like incentivized. And as you keep learning and building habits, you earn more coins and badges and you like go through. It's just so fun. Wow. Wow. Yeah. So it's the best guys. It's called Focus Genie.

It's like another six weeks from being out. Oh, that close. Okay. A lot of work has gone another six weeks. Oh, my gosh. Thank you for saying that. It's been, like, completely ready to go since February. And so, like, every time I talk about it, people are like, where is it?

Where is it? Yeah. And so thank you for saying it's close. Yeah, six weeks is close. We had to slow it down because we had to do it so that we could handle a lot of load on the first days because I didn't want it to, like, crash. Yeah. For say. So that we've had to rebuild and test and rebuild and test and rebuild and test.

that's where we are, but it's done and we're six weeks out. Wow. I mean, by the time this airs, yeah. We'll be close. Yeah. Even closer. Yeah. If you're listening or watching right now. We'll leave the link to it. That's a great idea. In the caption. Yeah, because it could be out. It could be out. You never know. Or it might be coming. You might be coming. You have anything else before we ask a couple of lemon-al questions? No, I'm just, I'm excited for six weeks to come or whenever this airs. I know. I'm like, because I'm And I'm going to download that. Yeah. I want to get coins.

It's not just for people with ADHD. It's just like super fun and easy and productivity. And like, got my sister to use it, my mom to use it. Like, while they were making you guys kebabs, using an app. Oh, my gosh. That's amazing. I love that. Okay.

Do you want to ask a couple Lemon 11s? Yeah, I do. Okay, sure. Where should we start? I don't know. Okay. Do you like any of these? Yeah, I'll kick it off.

Okay, great. What is your personal favorite form of self? care. Oh, such a good one. I would honestly say exercise, but I'll tell you a weird caveat for that. Okay. So for a long time, it took me a long time to figure out an exercise I liked because I've never, I've never had a runner's high. I pretty much hate every sport I've ever done. I was like, I'm bad at them. Like, and finally I got into like yoga, which like transitioned into Pilates. But I think the shift for me is like for a majority of my life, I would work out because I'm like, this is going to make me hot. Like this is going to get me ready for summer.

This is why I need to work out. Once I started to distance myself from that and started to be like, when I exercise, my brain works better. Yeah. That my goal completely shifted and that I actually became consistent with exercise once it was that. Because having a hop-five didn't motivate me. I'm like, I like twin snakes better than that. Yeah. It's not going to help me.

I would immediately eradicate my process. But if I'm like, I can think clearer, I can think longer, I can think like on multiple things at a time without getting overwhelmed. Yeah. That's what exercise is helpful for. Yeah. That would be my self-care. That's great advice because then it's worth every second.

Totally. We're like, yeah, you lose motivation. Like, I know exercise for me came in waves. Like, you know, I'd hop on the train because, you know, I wasn't liking how it was looking. And then when you get happy about it, then you fall off the train. And it's like, if that's the only reason you're doing it, you're not going to be consistent. Or sustained. Yeah.

Yeah. Totally. Yeah. It's good for your brain. Yeah. What is the greatest advice you've ever received? I think it's applicable for a lot of different things. But I was told pretty early when I was getting on to social media.

Yeah. Don't try to be like somebody else. Like, it's been done. Other people are other people. Yeah. Like, don't try to copy their style or do that. They already are doing their thing. You're going to be a copy of them. Just lean in and be yourself to the best of your ability. And I wish, like, someone had told me that in my 20s, because I feel like I spent so much time and energy just trying to be someone else at all to, or, like, suppressing and hiding parts of myself. so that I'm like more palatable. And I was like to me now looking back on that, I feel like that was a huge waste of time. Like any energy. Like right. But at that time I felt like it was like necessary in a survival mechanism. But if someone had told me that earlier and I had truly like been able to hear it, man,

it was saving so much time. Yeah. How open are you with people in your life when you're struggling? Honestly. a lot more open than I used to be. And I think that I got a lot more open, honestly, after kids. Because I think I wasn't really a sustainable thing. Like, I just could not hide it as much.

Like previously, just like that time I was trying to be someone else, there was a lot of guilt and shame about not doing well. I'd be like, I have to be put together because everybody else assumes that I'm put together. Yeah. But then when kids came, I was like, okay, this isn't just impacting me. It's impacting them. I need to allocate resources for this and get myself at least out of this hole enough that I can support them and build a life for them. And so I don't have a second to waste here. I need someone to kind of help early rather than when I'm in a hole. Yeah. So I feel like that my emphasis kind of shifts. So I'm a lot more open about it now. But I will tell you, for a huge chunk of my life, a majority of my life, I wasn't. Yeah.

Last little question. How is your career impacted your well-being? I want to ask you the same question. It fluctuates, right? So my career, I think overwhelmingly, and I'm talking about my career as a psychiatrist. So, like, as a mental health provider, overwhelmingly, I feel like it's super rewarding.

I feel like helping people, in their time of need and gathering kind of data and resources and getting them to a spot, which is like safer and healthier. Like it's a dream job. That's amazing. And I feel like it gives me a lot of validation. And it's like a very corrective form of therapy for me, right? It's like, this is great.

This is what I should be doing to. And it's like continues to encourage me to apply what I'm talking about. Yeah. I do think that during pandemic, things were, it was so hard to be a psychiatrist. It was so hard. And to be a mental health provider and to be a doctor and to be a nurse and to be on the front lines of anything during that time, I feel like my well-being was possibly one of its lowest. Just because I was like, and I wasn't even saying patients in person, but because of this heightened anxiety and collective trauma around COVID.

Yeah. People were so sick. There were so, like, it was so difficult to navigate that and keep my cup filled. Yeah. So I just felt like I was constantly drained and I would, I, like, there was times, like, December of 2020 was like some of the hardest. Like, I had my son in March of 2020. So I was still like real hormonal.

And so I, you know, I'm breastfeeding and I'm emotional and work is hard. and winter is like coming, these people, their moods are tanking, we're still wiping down our groceries. Yeah. Like, it was just a crazy time. Yeah. And I, like, there would be times

where I would just, like, be like, this is too. I can't, I can't keep all these balls in the air. And my husband would be, you know, so wonderful and kind of trying to, like, take care of the baby, so I didn't have to do as much. But it just, it, I feel like that's something. thing, the burnout experience of just anybody in the medical field, it's something that I'm just now starting to crawl out of appropriately.

Yeah. And I think I'm able to do that because I've distanced myself a little bit and I've done social media which is like engaging and creative. Yeah. So it's given my brain a little bit of a break from that. But there's a lot of people who don't have that. Yeah. And so it's just, it's a huge thing.

And I know you had that too, right? Mm-hmm. Going through, I can't even imagine being a nurse going through. I mean, you were right in the thick of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't envy either of your situations.

And it is just so important to set aside whatever it is to take care of yourself. Yeah. Because it's, you know. Yeah, I think that was the biggest thing I had to learn was to, like, how to, care for myself. Because I never struggled with my mental health before, like, personally. So after that, it was like,

okay. Oh, I'm really struggling now. Okay, well, this is new. Yeah. How do I, what do I do about this? Yeah. And it's so hard for you to like say no to things, no to people, because you feel like you're letting somebody down. But in the reality of it, you have to remember, well, if you burn yourself out and you can't do this anymore,

then you're going to be helping nobody. So, It's just so much better to just, you know, figure out what the, you know, right amount, right, what works for you and just be able to stick to that and keep yourself healthy as well. So you can keep doing what both of you do. Yeah. It's very special. Love that. Perfect. Well, thanks for squeezing with us.

Oh, yeah. I love that. I can't wait so much to smack. I say that all the time. But I'm, this is, this was so fun. I feel like I learned so much. And I like, I had to actually stop myself multiple times from taking notes while we were talking. That's the bad thing with this laptop in front of me.

I'm like, nope. I went to do it like four times. I was like, nope, we're not taking notes right now. I was like, I don't want to forget it. But then I'm like, okay, I can watch it back later. You want to mad. Don't forget it. So funny.

Oh, gosh. Yes. Well, thank you. Thank you guys for having me. Thank you so much for squeezing us into your day. please be sure to rate, review, and follow our pod and check out full episodes on YouTube. You can follow me at Taylor Lautner, my lovely wife, at Taye Lautner. Check out The Squeeze on Instagram at The Squeeze.

And also give a little glance and a follow to Lemons by Tay. That's at Lemonsbytee on Instagram and lemonsbytea.com. And also be sure to email us, laughtner. the squeeze podcast at gmail.com if you guys have any questions, any guests you'd like to see. We've gotten some interesting email so far, which has been awesome. But most importantly, please continue to talk about your journey with those around you and send our show to a friend that you think could use a little extra squeeze in their life.

Absolutely. Tootles McGoodles, everyone. This podcast has been brought to you by Podcast Nation.