The Squeeze - Emmanuel Acho: An Invaluable Conversation

Episode Date: March 22, 2023

TW: the murder of George Floyd, suicide   This week your hosts have a dream conversation with a dream guest who offers advice, wisdom, and vulnerability in a jam-packed hour. Emmanuel Acho, former linebacker and star of Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man, is well versed in the race space and offers insight into his public journey over the past few years. He accomplished something on Taylor’s bucket list — hosting an episode of The Bachelor! Offering exclusive behind the scenes details, Emmanuel reveals that it was actually the hardest thing he’s ever done on camera because of all the nuances. He then shares what led to him starting Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man and his thoughts on Blackout Tuesday. He speaks about allyship, his book Illogical, and what he learned from losing one of his friends to suicide. This conversation is full of useful advice, and your hosts found it to be ultimately invaluable — we hope you agree.  Follow Emmanuel @emmanuelacho and be sure to get your copy of Illogical: Saying Yes to a Life Without Limits    Thanks to our awesome sponsors for making this episode possible:   Jenni Kayne — Find your forever pieces @jennikayne and get 15% off with promo code THESQUEEZE at jennikayne.com/THESQUEEZE! #jennikaynepartner  BetterHelp — This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/thesqueeze for 10% off your first month and get on your way to being your best self  To email us your questions or share your story, you can reach out to [e-mail].  Be sure to rate, review, and follow the podcast so you don't miss an episode! Plus, follow us on Instagram, @thesqueeze and personally @taylautner and @taylorlautner. To learn more from The Lemons Foundation, follow @lemonsbytay on Instagram and visit lemonsbytay.com  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When life gives you lemons, what do you do with them? Over here at The Squeeze, we talk about it. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of The Squeeze. I am your host, Taylor Lautner. And hey, look at that. I am also your host, Taylor Lautner. Thank you for joining us.

Do you think that I'll ever get old? Yeah, I feel like I'm kind of already over it. Oh, when I redo this then? No, we just got to come up with, like, fun. nicknames or something. Okay. Well, who do we have on the pod today, Girl Tay? Well, we have my, I guess we kind of determined it was my top two guess, because I always say top three, but I never had a third. Yeah. But we have the one and only Emmanuel Acho. I've said this before, but if I were Chris Harrison right now, I would say this episode is going to be the most.

traumatic episode of the squeeze ever. Oh my God. It's actually funny because the episode itself isn't that long. Yeah. But after listening to it, we stopped recording and I was like, oh, wow, it actually hasn't even been that long. Because it was stuffed with goodness. Yeah.

Like, it was rich. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I mean, everything that Acho says is just, you know, he's thought of every word that comes out of his mouth, you know, twice through before he. says it and it's just But

we did have a couple questions for him that he you know he opened up and was very vulnerable and talked about a few things that he has never talked about before

and we were so thankful for that I just I can't express enough if you listen to the rest of this episode you will understand what I'm talking about Yeah. We have had some terrific conversations, but this one, I gotta say, was just a dream conversation to have.

Yeah. We both respect this man so much, and he went above and beyond with not only his advice and sharing his wisdom, but his vulnerability. Yeah. So I'm so excited for everyone to listen to this. You are in. Enjoy. Emmanuel Lacha. I could not wait.

Thank you so much for being here. We are genuinely so pumped that you are here. I mean, Tay can dive a little bit more into it. But legit, when she told me the idea of wanting to do this podcast, I was like, I'm like, what kind of guests do you want? And she was like, well, you know, it'll be great to have. have, you know, some well-known people and, like, people were fans of from movies and, you know, TV shows and stuff. But really, I want to get to the level where we can get people like

a manual atcho. And I was like, okay, good luck. We'll see. I did say that. And he also did respond with that response. Yeah, I'll admit it. Yeah. But I mean, in all seriousness, we just like respect the crap out of you. And you are just with such a cool dude doing such cool things and you were on my top three bucket list people to have on. There I ask who the other two are, right? Do you want to know? I have to know at this point. My other one was Dr. Nicole La Pera, Lepena, the holistic psychologist.

Got you. She's written the book, How to Do the Work. Who is my other one that I said? I don't know if you ever, I don't, you didn't tell me. You just like told me that. I don't want to two. I'm one or two. I'll take it.

That's not undermine them. That's great. Well, so we start each episode with a little segment we called Citrus Got Real. Okay. This beautiful lemon jar. There's a bunch of little papers in there with some serious, deep root. Very intense questions. If you wouldn't mind pulling one out of there.

Okay, we're pulling. paper out of lemon jar roughly, I don't know, maybe 80 pieces of paper in there. Do I just have one? Yes, just one, okay? Very scary questions on these things.

What job could you never imagine doing? Wow. What job could I never imagine doing? You know what? I don't think I could be a gynecologist. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think I could be an OB

with all due respect. Like credit to OBs, you know, gynaecologist, but that's just not my portion. It's not my calling in life. This is ironic because I have a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow. You do. Go get your paps, ladies.

All right. Just not by me. That's true. Not by my Emmanuel Lacham. Mine would be anything involving blood or bones or needles or anything in that realm, which is funny because that is all my wife

does. She is a nurse. She loves poking people with needles and all the nasty anatomy things. But it's, I don't do well with any of those things. So I get that. I guess being a nurse. You know? That's why you married one, so you didn't have to do it. Yep. Um, mine would probably be, I don't know why, but something that's like really claustrophobic, like working in like a submarine or like a, like underwater. Yeah. You've thought about this before. Mine. You've, you've thought about this before. You definitely thought about this before. It's a new, it's kind of a new thing for her, though. She, all of a sudden in the last like two years, max, has gotten really claustrophobic, like in airplanes.

Or when we were in New York last, we went on the, the underwater, like, tunnel. And she freaked. It happened to me once. I've never been, never had a spurt of claustrophobia except one time I was sitting on a window seat in an airplane. And crazy thing is you're not actually trapped. But for whatever reason, I was like, I can't move. I can't move. And I don't like bothering people, so I don't like getting up.

You know, can I go to the bathroom? I'm not that guy. Yeah. If I'm flying across the country and I'm in the window, I'm not getting up. I will suffer for the greater good of the person in the aisle. But I literally like, was like, what is going on? And I had to get up and just pace the aisle for a moment. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a new. I actually, I never sit in the window because, Taylor's always the window seat because he's... Because he's what? I just... I enjoy a window seat. For transparency because he's famous and people can't come up to him

if he's not in the aisle seat. So that's why. That helps, but... So I'm always now in the aisle seat, but I recently traveled without him and sat by the window. And I was like, nope, can't do it. Nope, I have to sit on the aisle now, which is...

There we go. Make a great team. Yep. Okay, you take it away from here. What? It's your turn. You wanted to start it. I did?

Yep. Oh, crap. You're right. I did want to start this. This is what happens when you have friends over also sitting in the background of these cameras. If I had someone here, I would pan the camera over to them, but I don't. Okay. No, I did want to start this.

So thank you for reminding me, babe. I have a very, very important question that I want to open this up with because I'm jealous of you. Truth be told, you have already accomplished something on my bucket list. Uh-oh. And that is, I am a massive Bachelor fan. And you hosted after the final rose on the Bachelor franchise. That happened. How was that? Can you give me just anything? Because it was, it's probably the coolest thing that you have done. This is the squeeze, correct? Yeah, yeah.

So let me give a little exclusive information just to the squeeze. So I get called in January of 2021. Hey, Emmanuel, you know, our host, Chris Harrison, he's, you know, going to be temporarily suspended looking to potentially have you host The Bachelor. I said, okay, well, who else you're looking at? It was a high level exec, won't say the name, but he says potentially looking at you to host it. I said, who else are you looking at? It says Tyra Banks.

He says Michael Strayhan and it was me. Me, Tyra, Michael, Strayhan. The question is why Tyra, why Michael? Bachelor's on ABC. They wanted to keep it in the family. Got it. Obviously, Strayhan's GMA, Tyra, I believe, dancing with the stars. So they wanted to keep it in the family.

Now, at this point in time, I was well versed in the race space. and The Bachelor had their first black bachelor, and for those listening or watching without context, the first Black Bachelor in the 25 seasons, and the woman who many had assumed he chose, we did not know yet because the episodes were airing and all the things. The woman we assumed he had chose

had some racially insensitive photo surface. So they call me, hey, Acho, you, Strayan, Tyra Banks. What do you have to say for yourself? I say, look, at this point, you can go with whoever you want to go with, but I am confident of my ability in this space. Yeah.

Right. It might not be the name of Strayhan, the name of Tyra based upon the history and their legacies both within sports, within modeling, et cetera. But for this job, I'm confident I can do it. This is what people don't realize. It was a six-hour shoot that we cut to 44 minutes. Usually it is done live. But because of the sensitivity around the topic, they didn't want to do it live.

We were also in the midst of a pandemic. Usually it has live audience. Yeah. No live audience. It's just me, Matt James, and the three women, Rachel Kirkano, Michelle Young, I believe, and Bree. And it was the hardest thing I've ever done on camera because of all the freaking nuances. I don't know how real I want to be with the squeeze just yet. I'm just getting acclimated.

First question. It was wild. It was, you know, you walk on stage during the music. Now you're at the teleprompter one. then middle of the sentence cut to teleprompter two, then reverse pivot, one of the girls will walk out. If she gives you a hug, hug her back. If she doesn't give you a hug, just let her take a seat. As you're sitting down, have this conversation.

But about a minute, 30 seconds into the conversation, we need you to throw to a piece. Coming off the piece, if she's crying, just lay out. Let her cry. If she is not crying, ask her a question, but don't use too many words. Say something like, so what's going through your mind right now? Yeah. and just lay out and just let it be. Keep in mind, we have to transition from her to the next person.

So feel it out when you're ready to transition. It was so complex. I made sure to get editing power as well because I wanted to make sure that the viewer was going to see exactly what I said. And there was one pivotal edit and for the sake of the squeeze for the sake of my friends. I'll share this piece.

And then I don't know if you cared for all this information. During the course of the conversation. Oh, I do. During the course of the conversation, I'm hosting the bachelor, I'm sitting there talking to Rachel. See, I didn't realize that my light skin friends break out in hives when y'all get nervous, some of y'all. See, that's not something that you know. Us dark skin people do, so I didn't realize that was a thing. I don't realize, I'm talking to Rachel.

She's in this elegant red dress, and Rachel and I are super close at this junction in time. Now, not back then. And all of a sudden, like her skins, you know, breaking out hives or whatever. I ask Rachel, I say, well, Rachel, it's time for me to bring out Matt. Are you ready to see him? With tears in her eyes, she goes, no. I say, sorry, I have to bring him out anyway, acknowledging her emotions. That's not what the edit looked like.

The edit looked like, well, Rachel, it's time for me to bring out Matt. Are you ready to see him? No. Matt? I said, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, that's not what happened. Because I acknowledged her emotions in reality. So we can't take out me acknowledging her emotions. Because somebody, Taylor's going to be sitting at home and being like, she was crying.

Yeah. And he didn't even bother to care. So that was The Bachelor. It was a crazy time in my life. Check the box. I did it. Maybe you're up next. Maybe.

I mean, after hearing that, I don't. I know. Honestly. I don't think you want to do that. Yeah. I don't know if I want to be up next. That sounds worse than hosting SNL. Sounds like my nightmare.

Yeah. But very. Very cool. Very, very cool. Thank you for the insight and the scoop. I feel like I, uh... He's like, dang it. Now I don't want to do it. D dreams are crushed. It's okay. So something as you guys know that has been a huge part of my mental health journey, Taylor's mental health journey journeys as individuals, and as a couple has been therapy. Amen. And that is why I am so excited to share our next sponsor with you guys.

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Okay. Now I'm on a more serious topic. I want to get into, I've heard the story, but I would love for our listeners to hear it, kind of what led you to starting your series uncomfortable conversations with a black man because I love this story.

And I think it's so cool. And I would love for our listeners to hear it. Man, I will say first and foremost, when there is a calling on your life, pick it up. That's the first, I'll preface everything with if there is a calling, a passion, a fire in your heart, something that you can't shake, pick it up. Uncomfortable conversations with the black man. For those that don't know, it's been viewed by 95 million people now. By the grace of God, we won an Emmy Award for it, a number one bestselling book for it because it was a

calling that I picked up. So what is this it that we're speaking of? Because I have to assume everybody watching and listening has no idea what I'm talking about. So that is what it is. In the wake of the murder of George Floyd, everybody in America was trying to figure out what in the world are we going to do. So many people were being very introspective. Well, where have I gone wrong? Where's my lineage gone wrong? Others were outraged. I'm sitting in my house in Austin, Texas, and I am furious because I just watched another black man be murdered. And it wasn't exclusively the murder that elicited the outrage, it was the thought that if not for these cameras, this officer may have gotten away with it. That's a nuance, um, tape that so many people are missing. It wasn't just the murder. It was a

realization that they may get away with it. I'm in Austin, Texas and I go to my, my dear white friend's house and it's, um, two of them and they, and two of my other friends are next door neighbors. So I walk into their house for dinner. It's four of them in total. I walk into the house and I am righteously angry. And so we're sitting there and I call them my dear white friends because I've known them forever. I go and I went to college and I met them my freshman year. We go back. The reason I include their race is because it is urgently important to this conversation. So we're sitting around this table. It is me, my best friend, and these other and my four white, my former friends that are white.

And I say, why is it that we keep seeing the murder or pain inflicted of black people without any sort of backlash? And they ask me a question in return. They say, well, Emmanuel, what can we do to solve the problem? and I say there has to be more exposure from from black, from white people to black people. They look at me and they say, well, how? Now, I grew up going to church with these people when I went to college at Austin in Austin. And I said, well, y'all could go to black church and Tay, they said this. This was their response and this is when I knew something had to change. I said, well, y'all could go to black church. They said, we thought black church was your thing. The reason I'm bringing up church is not to be overly spiritual, but if y'all track with me while I'm listening, I was like, wait a second.

second, you all who are incredibly close to me don't realize the jurisdiction or lack thereof of black spaces. Yeah. So then I said, they were like, you know, well, clearly, you know, we're friends with black people and all the things. I paused them, paused them down. I said, how many black people were at your wedding? That's what I asked them. I asked them that question because I'm like, that's when you can really tell who you close with. When you see, like, who made the cut for your guest list, that's when you can tell, like, who you're really friends with. Mind you, I walked the mother of the bride down the aisle, just to bring to context the listener

how close I was with the people I'm speaking with. I said, how many black people were at your wedding? They said three. Myself, my brother, and another person who's a singer out in Austin,

that's all you need to know. I said, so you all who genuinely don't have a racially insensitive, racist bone in your body don't even have that much. You got a wedding of 200, 300 people, only three black people were there.

You do the math. Yeah. Cut two. So wide uncomfortable conversation start. I led there and I said, wait a second, Taylor, we have to have dialogue between our white brothers and sisters and our black brothers and sisters. I'm on a bike ride. I'm on a bike ride. I call my friend.

I said, hey, I got to do something. We have to do something. She was a dear white friend of mine. I said, I'm thinking about having this show called Questions White People Have Terrible Title. Terrible title. I apologize to the squeeze listeners. It was a terrible title. But white people had questions.

So I was like, you know, questions white people have. She responds and she says, what do you think about calling it uncomfortable conversations? I was like, nah, it has no stick. Like it is an uncomfortable conversation. There's no punch. There's no like, I got to listen to this. I put my bike in my garage. I walk into my house in Austin, Texas.

I walk right past the bathroom towards the kitchen. I pause. I turn back around and walk back towards the bathroom. I look to the left. Look at the mirror. You're black man. Uncomfortable conversations with a black man. The first episode was supposed to be with a dear white friend of mine.

She had a change of heart at the last second. We were supposed to record an hour, four minutes before call time. This is a true story. An hour four minutes before call time, she was like, I can't do this. They don't want to see me. It's not right. I can't do this. Tears, in her eyes.

I realized, Tay, I don't have the luxury to not do this. A calling on your life. You got to pick it up. So I go into the studio. As I'm walking into the studio, I get a text from a black friend of mine. Again, the race is important. I got a text from a black friend of mine. She says,

Emmanuel, I don't like this idea you're doing questions white people have. I hadn't told her I changed the title. I don't like this idea you're doing questions white people have. Nobody educated black people onto how to assimilate into American culture. Why do we need to educate white people on how to assimilate in our culture? All I texted her back was, I'm going to go the way God leads. Go into the studio. Again, true story.

Going to the studio. I say three, two. And at one, I look up to the camera. I go for nine minutes, 18 seconds. We don't cut the camera. We don't edit it. It was really a God, divine moment. For nine minutes, 18 seconds, I speak.

I put it out on social media within five days, had 25 million views. I got to call five days later from a no-call or ID number. I pick it up. Acho, McConaughey speaking. I want to have a conversation. I was like, okay, okay. McConaughey wants to have a conversation. We'll have a conversation.

I say, yeah, let's do it in three days. I was not going to do another episode. I didn't want to do another episode because I didn't want to be a one-hit wonder, right? I wasn't trying to be like, soldier boy, you know what I mean? Like, I cranked that soldier boy, but after that, you know, how pissed me through the phone was a great song. So I didn't want to be a one-hit wonder, so I wasn't going to do another episode.

But McConaughey calls me and he says, let's do another episode. I say, cool, we'll do it in four days. He says, let's do it tomorrow. Huh? Okay, cool. We can do it tomorrow. I call the studio. I say, hey, I need to do another episode tomorrow.

They say, sure, man, no one problem. What is the problem? The studio is currently painted all blue. Takes 24 hours to paint, 24 hours to dry. For anyone that's ever seen uncomfortable conversations, I do it in an all white room, all white backdrop. Taylor, I was in a dilemma. 24 hours to paint, 24 hours to dry. Studios painted sky blue.

She says, I have an idea. That's the owner of the studio. She says, I'm going to go find a sheet of paper. We find a white sheet of paper. We roll it down. We cheat the camera. I don't tell McCona. He's just going to have to show up and find out.

He thought it was a high quality production. I had my best friend, Olympic gold medalist. She stood in as my producer, a wedding videographer, stood in as my video person, and I edited and shot the whole thing. McConae and I, we do episode two. After we released that episode, five days later, get another call, no caller ID number.

I'll end the story after this. I get another call, no caller ID number. I pick it up. Hi, Emmanuel, Oprah, Oprah? Oprah? My voice starts getting high. Have you talked to her before at this point? This is the first time.

First time. No call it, Emmer. Oprah and Fee speaking, just wanted to know you have time to FaceTime later. I said, do I have time to FaceTime? Oprah, do you? And so I get on a call with Oprah. And the first question she asked me, and I asked you all this question, if you all recall, when I walked into your house and she taught me to ask anyone this question before you have a conversation,

she asked me this. She says, Emmanuel, what is your intention? I said, Oprah, my intention is to change the world and I truly believe I can. I'm currently working on writing a book. She said, books? I love books. And we partnered together to write An uncomfortable conversation with a black man,

uncomfortable conversations with the black boy. And that is the long story of how uncomfortable conversations began. It's a cool story. I was going to say you should write a book about it. Books. I love books. They should make a movie about it.

About this whole experience. I just can't imagine answering a random number and literally being Oprah, honestly being anyone like that. But you're like, like, what is going through your mind? Are you like, wait, what is happening right now? It was a fascinating time in my life because prior to uncomfortable conversations, the first one, I played in the National Football League. So sure, I'd been used to some level of fame. But I had 37,000 followers on Instagram for context before episode one.

After episode one, within like a day, 300,000. And then everything changed quickly because now everybody in a mama is reaching out to me for different reasons. Anybody from Reese Witherspoon to Jennifer Anderson to McConnor Hay to who I'm just reaching out

for different reasons. And mind you, and I'm sure you all can attest to this, Hollywood famous is different than like pro athlete famous. It's just different levels

of famous. And so what was going through my mind was just a whirlwind of be a good steward of it. That's all I could tell myself is stewarded well. Stewart it well.

Like that became my catchphrase was like, steward it well. I will also say it, and this is what I don't say often, that nobody really realizes. Do you all remember Blackout Tuesday? It was on Instagram, Blackout Tuesday. Everybody had to post a Black Square on Tuesday. You didn't have to, but in the wake of the murder of George Floyd, it was like, hey, this is a act of solidarity. I was not a huge fan of Blackout Tuesday. I'll get to that later. But what people don't realize, I dropped uncomfortable conversations, unbeknownst to me, I dropped it on Monday. Blackout Tuesday was the next day.

So when nobody was posting, everybody was sharing my video. So uncomfortable conversations was more a matter of me just following the lead of my life. And it did what it was supposed to do. Because if I don't post that video on Monday, if I posted on Wednesday after Blackout Tuesday, we might not be having this conversation. Yeah. But it was a matter of action, timing, following your heart, following your convictions, following your calling and trying to steward it well. Yeah. Dang.

That's really powerful. Yeah. Do you mind going into your opinion on the Blackout Tuesday situation and what your thoughts are behind that? Well, my opinion for that, it is a applicable, it's applicably broad as well is we need to be more focused on outcomes and optics and life in general. This isn't just for racist dialogue. This isn't just for sexist dialogue. This isn't just for oppressionist dialogue. This isn't just for religious dialogue.

It's for all dialogue. And in my mind, we did so many things in 2020 for optics, not necessarily for outcomes. Yeah. And posting a black square, what's that doing? You know what I mean? Like, what's, now, if you wanted to post resources, books, if you wanted to post organizations, you could donate to, if you wanted to post different sort of outlets that you could support, that's one thing. But okay, so you know, okay, so on Monday, I'm going to post my bikini picture. Then on Tuesday, I'm going to post my black square.

Then on Wednesday, I'm going to post my bikini picture. Yeah. On Monday, I'm going to post my GQ outfit. Then on Tuesday, I'm going to post my square. And then on Wednesday, I'm going to post my GQ outfit. What are we doing? Yeah. Why are we doing?

What is your intention? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It almost felt for me and, like, I knew, so many people that felt this way. And I was like, I was trying to figure out myself what the right thing at that moment was to do. And it felt like instead of putting your attention on what is the right thing to do in this moment that will actually make a change, it was worry of what you're

going to look like if you don't post it. Yeah. And I didn't love that idea. And I know so many people were like, you know, worried if they don't post it, what's going to happen? What judgment are they going to get? And I don't know. That's why I like talking with you about it because we talked about it that day. I wanted to do something, but I didn't want to only do something because, you know, of feeling worried, you know, you're feeling like you have to. And then you post that, you did your thing.

Correct. And then you're done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, that was the thing I was struggling with. And I think a lot of people struggled with that. That's why I have a lot of freedom and moving and my convictions.

I say very freely. I haven't been on one march. I ain't been at one protest. I ain't been at one rally. Because instead of going outside, I went inside. Then I always say, like, fight the way you know how. So many people are trying to figure out, well, how can I be an ally? Well, how can I be a resource?

Man, use the skills you've been given to support. My best example of allyship, after the first episode, this is true. This is a true story. This is a very true story. After the first episode of Uncomfortable Conversations, remember I edited it myself. So I was like, oh, this will sound better with music. Okay, got to find music.

I do some quick Googles, some quick Googles. Ooh, this is a nice little soundtrack underneath my video. Post it on YouTube, Big Red X. I was like, yo, what the heck? Why did you just X my video? I guess I had stolen music. I didn't realize you could steal it. If I could access it, how's it stealing?

Copywritten. So after the first episode, I got a text from a producer friend of mine, And they were like, hey, can I help you in any way? As a dear white friend of mine, I said, yeah, I need some legal music. They sent me a whole catalog of legitimate music that you can download free online. That's allieship. He used his ability to help support somebody that was fighting for a great cause. So so many people think allieship exclusively looks like posting a black square,

exclusively looks like protesting, drawing a sign, marching down Melrose in California. Right. It doesn't necessarily look like that. It looks like finding a need and filling it. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. I like that a lot.

I feel like I needed that. That was definitely something I. Yeah. I actually forgot that how conflicted we were feeling when all of that was happening. Because I was like, I want to like share resources and share things. But, and, you know, I'll post this square because I want to show I support. But, like, that doesn't feel real to me. Like, I want to be an ally to someone forced, like.

in an actual way, not just doing my Tuesday square. Take the tools God has given you and, you know, find where in this world you can use those to help. Yeah. That's what it is. And that's allyship, I think, across the board. Yeah. And with any group, whether it's supporting women, whether it's supporting people of color, whether it's supporting any minority. That's allyship across the board.

Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Love it. Illogical. How long has it been since illogical came out now? A logical came out March 17th of 2022. Okay.

Okay. Yes. You all were out of town. Otherwise, you all would have been at my book launch housewarming party because you all did get invited. Oh, yeah. Because someone was supposed to relay the invite. Oh. Is that person behind the camera right now?

But yeah, logical. I did. We got the book and I love it. And I was hinting toward this before. But it's one of my favorite chapters in the book. And I also saw a video recently of you talking about it. And it just like it hit me over the head like a ton of bricks when you talked about this. And I just could not agree more and can't relate to it anymore.

So I was just wondering if you could share a little bit about the don't forget your earmuffs chapter talking about the AirPods and the noise cancellation and the filter and how that can relate to our everyday life. Yeah. Elogical, my most recent book, I don't know. I don't even like writing and found myself writing three books in a year and a half. I don't know how that happened. My goodness gracious. So, man, everything I write is based upon lived experience. I believe the best books that are written are books that an author has lived. Over the course of life, so many people will tell you what you can't do. So many people will tell you what you can't do. But the problem is there's so much negativity, you don't really know what the heck to gravitate towards. And so I believe it was chapter two when I say, don't forget your earmuffs, because the beautiful part in the illustration I use of the Apple AirPods pros, different from the original version

was that they have a noise cancellation feature and you have to know when to use a noise cancellation feature to fully block out the noise on the outside. Because you can also hit the transparency function and the transparency button and that allows some noise in because there is

constructive criticism but then there's also just criticism. And I believe that and I've said this before that I think criticism is kind of like drinking salt water. When people criticize you. It's like salt water because the thing about salt water if you look it up is the body gets so dehydrated from the salt that you'll die from the salt prior to the water actually nourishing

you. And the problem with criticism on this day and age, whether it's social media, Instagram, Twitter, et cetera, people criticize you so much that you will emotionally perish from the criticism before the construction can ever add value. And so that's why I said, don't forget your ear must because in life, you better know when a turn on them noise canceling. Yeah. That noise cancelling feature, figuratively speak. Yeah. Yeah.

It hit me over the head like a ton of bricks because, well, I've said that phrase twice now. My gosh. Love bricks. I've literally never said that saying. You should have said a bag of lemons, I feel like. There we go. All right. It hit me over the head like a bag of lemons because that is definitely.

Definitely something that I struggled with in this industry and growing up. And I, if I'm being completely honest, I think it, I think it held me back. And that is, I am all for, you know, learning from your mistakes. And there's always room to grow. And, you know, not always just looking at the positive, but like you said, the, like the transparency way where you can hear some, but when I was younger and I put so much pressure on myself, like when I was headlining a film or something and reviews would come out or, you know, comments would come out, I definitely took in way too much criticism. And I thought it was going to further me.

I thought it was going to strengthen me. I thought it was going to learn from it and go on to the next project and be better because of it. But I read so many terrible reviews. I read so many, you know, negative comments that I really think it messed with my head. And it honestly

it just tore away my confidence. And I didn't know where, I didn't know where to go from there. I don't think I was brave moving forward with the choices I was making because I was so scared. I was living in fear that the next thing I do

is going to get the same kind of reviews, is going to get the same, you know, comments from everyone. And I think that had an amazing, impact on my career, my life, and it's taken a while to, you know, figure out, to recover from that and figure out the place that I want my mind to be in when I do work, when I do do something and putting the value in the right place. So that's, that's for me why when hearing that chapter and you speak on that.

It just, it meant a lot for me, and it gave me a really, really fantastic insight moving forward with my life. One, thank you for hearing that. I think that's a good word. We're all struggling with the influx of feedback. Yes. Feedback is very necessary in life,

and we all crave feedback, but we have now this insatiable desire to know. did this picture get more likes than the last? Did this post get more retweets than the other? Did this TikTok get more shares than the last? Like our craving for feedback has become this beast that we quite literally can't satiate the appetite of. And I think it's led all of us, myself included to healthy places.

Dude, I've gotten to a point now on TikTok, the second I read on Twitter, the second I read a negative word about me, I just block. Like if I see a sentence is going in a direction, from from Jim Bob 8, 9711 blah I won't finish the sentence because I don't even want to read it because once I've read it I've internalized it

and I've digested it and I've it's become a part of my day yeah so the second I even read like you sound like nope blah because I like you have even as recently as today wrestled with like wait this isn't real this is like social media is not real. Someone else's criticism of, it's just not real. Put your phone down.

Get back into reality. Talk to the people across from you like we're having this conversation now. So I struggle with that now more than ever. Yeah. It's such a, I've gotten to the point where I just don't even, I'm so far the opposite.

I don't even look at the comments. I don't even like of our friends. I don't, I just don't even like look. I'll literally be like, did you see what this person says? she like never even looks on comments. Like she posts it and she's like, posting goes.

It's funny because I, when we posted this, we were getting like feedback. And so I did look at when we posted it. And some people were like, this is great. I know you're never going to see this comment, but I love the show.

I'm like, well, I guess I got my point across there. But yeah, that's definitely something that like our brains aren't made to have that much. I mean, even just social media in general, have that much,

like, constant go. Stalueless. Yeah. They're not made for that. So that on top of, like, criticism and comparison

and all that stuff, like, that's just a recipe for disaster. So, yeah, we need healthy, healthy social media, like at Lemons by Tay

and Emmanuel Ocho. Put on your ear buffs. Put on those ear buffs. So basically, you just are constantly someone that people go to for advice, for information, for wisdom, for everything and anything. You're constantly pouring into others. And that is very similar to a lot of our friends that we have. You know, they are constantly pouring into others, constantly giving, constantly just giving themselves

and their information and their mind and their thoughts and their sole two people and helping others. And on top of that, like, you're doing that, you know, online and on TV, you know, for people you don't know. Then on top of that, I am sure, I will make the assumption, correct me if I'm wrong, that in your personal life, you are also that to so many close friends. and I, it's, this one just hits hard for me because a couple very close friends in my life, I don't want to say worry for, but I do sometimes because I know that they are that person for so many people. And they're that person for me. but I know I'm not the only one.

I know that they are the person that people go to when they are happy, when they're sad, when they need advice, whatever it is. And it doesn't matter how close those people are to you and how much you love them. It still is exhausting and it still can suck it out of you. and it is so important to find whatever it is to recharge. Because I feel like if you don't recharge, then you're not going to be able to be there strongly for those people. So I can only imagine on top of the people in my life that I, you know,

can attribute this to, you also do that for a living. So how do you, how do you recharge? How do you not let it just suck everything out of you? That's a good question. It is exhausting. And I always said, particularly during 20 and 2021, when we were just on the heels of so much chaos in society, I said it was a worthy exhaustion. Because I was exhausted, I knew nothing else besides being tired. It got to the point where I had burst the blood vessel in my vocal cords because I was

talking so much. I mean, I couldn't speak for a week leading up to one of the biggest conversations of my life. I was going to talk to the commissioner of the National Football League Roger Goodell for one of my episodes, and my doctor put me on complete voice rest. You're not allowed to talk. So I would just text people back and whatnot. I would say it's a worthy exhaustion. How do I recharge? I try to find pockets. You know, thankfully, I'm like a introverted extrovert or an extroverted intro where I regain my energy from people, conversations. like this hanging with y'all after grabbing a bite, whatever the case may be. That's how I find my energy, small groups, getting together with people I love.

Thankfully, I don't need to just sit in isolation to recharge. And I also love being able to hang out with people who need nothing from me. Yes. Because so often, like, and it's not even their fault that they need something from you, but society might need something from you, but the sports show might need something from me. my producers might need something from me, my family. But being able to hang out with people is just like, huh, you don't need anything?

Because I've gotten to the point now where people call me and my instant response is like, hey, you just want to talk, you need something. Because if you need something, let's just, let's make this quick and transaction. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, let's not spend five minutes on the like,

so let's cut to the chase. So I'm not sure, what do you need? Yeah. Let me see if I can help you with what you need. Then let me get back to my free time. Yeah. But yeah, just being able to spend time with people who don't need anything. It's a blessing.

Yeah. You know, like, that's a blessing. I relate to that so much. That's like, I've learned that like group, big group settings, I'm, like, drained so fast. Our friends are having a party and I literally left after like an hour. I left Taylor there. I was like, I'm going to go home and go to bed. I have no fomo.

There's nothing. I was like, I literally, I just need to leave. And you love these people. Like everyone there. I was at their home. I was like, I need to. I need to. leave. There's a lot of people here. I'm tired. But in small group settings, I'm like,

it fuels me. That's like what I love or like one on one with someone that is like close to me that doesn't need anything for me that I can just like relax and talk to or even sometimes not even speak to. That part, that part. Like you can just share space with. Yes. The hard part of certain conversation, I'm sure listeners can attest to this. Some people won't just relish in the silence. Yeah. Well, you know, he's got to talk. You ain't always got to feel space. Yeah. Let's just be.

And finding people who won't judge you if you're just going to be you. Yeah. Can I just come sit on your couch? Yeah. Can I just come eat your food? Like, we ain't got to talk. Let's just share space. Yeah.

And just be in life together. Yeah. I feel like that was like the last, the last friend. This sounds weird. The last friend I made, I don't make friends often. But she was over here and we literally, like, didn't speak for an hour. We're both like doing work and just like hanging on the couch. And I was like, I love her already.

Yes, that's how you know it's good. Yeah. We were talking before this. You're asking me like why I do this in a big reason why I started this was because I lost a friend to suicide. And I know that you have lost some people in your life to suicide as well. And I wanted to know what is something that you've learned from that. And if there's any advice that you can share from what you've loved. learned going through that with our listeners.

That's a heavy question. That's a good question. Geez. What did I? Man, I would say, I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot. Buckle up listeners because I may word vomit. I would say the eminent

thought in my head right now is you don't know when your last moment will be with someone. So try to make sure that last moment is as valuable, as impactful, as loving, is joyful,

as peaceful, as possible, regardless of when it is. I would say, tell the people that you love, that you love them. I grew up in a Nigerian household,

and my parents, I knew they loved me because of what they did, but you don't overly verbalize. I love you. Yeah. I don't leave my mom and dad's presence now

without like saying, I love you. I overuse. I love you. Now, I don't overuse it in the sense of not meaning it, but somebody that I love, I will make sure they know it. You can still be a person of faith and struggle with mental health. I think I've learned that. I've also learned more people are struggling than you realize. Yeah. I loved one of my favorite artist, Kurt Franklin said, He said bother people today. Checking on him so much that you bother him. Yeah.

He said that and that really stuck with me. I've also learned the people that seem the happiest might be struggling the most. So checking on your happy friends. Yeah. Checking on your perfect friends. Checking on your got it all together friends. I've also learned grief. It follows no natural trajectory.

Yeah. There is no order for grief and you don't know when grief will strike. I've also learned that your tragic and tragedy story, it's a part of the fiber of your new being. So just embrace it. You will not be the same person after you experience that loss. And you shouldn't be. I've also learned that time doesn't make you forget. get it makes it easier to remember. I've learned a lot. And I'm learning every day. And I'm not going

cry on this podcast. That's what I'm not going to do. But I've learned a lot. And life is hard. Life is very, very, very hard. And find people you can do life with who help make the difficult easier because it's difficult. Yeah. Absolutely. Thank you for sharing. I haven't lost somebody close to me like that. But, you know, I know Tay was sharing with you beforehand. That's her friend Jared is kind of really what like really started this whole idea. There's a photo of him on my desk over there. Yeah, he's right over there. Well, these combos, they need to be had. Yeah.

They need to be had. I think conversations of mental health need to be had, conversations of death by, by suicide. They need to be had. I mean, the rates have increased exponentially. And you know what else I've thought is we are the suicide hotline. Wow. Yeah. We are.

Yeah. There's not a number that you can call. It is the clerk at the grocery store. It is the pedestrian crossing the street. It is the neighboring car at the stop. It is the grocer at checkout. Like, it is you listening. It is me speaking.

We are the suicide hotline. Do not be dependent upon somebody on the opposite end of a phone. Like, you are someone's escape. That smile could keep someone holding on. That one compliment, that speaking of life into someone that you don't even know who you just ran across, who you just felt. a calling to say like, hey, like, you're valuable. You're worthy.

I'll end this thought. My brother, my older brother, he played nine years in National Football League. I love him to death. If you ask him, like, hey, what's the most important thing? Most important thing you've ever heard. He said he was talking to his mentor and his mentor was about to die. A mentor may have been 80 or so years old. He was about to die and he asked his mentor.

He said, wait, like, if you're going to, if you're going to go, then leave me with a piece of information. Like, leave me with something. Just leave me with something. And he said, his mentor told him, my brother's name is Sam. He said, Sam, you are worth getting to know. And I love saying that to people because it's so simple but powerful. Like, hey, you are worth getting to know. Taylor, you are worth getting to know. Listener, you are worth getting to know. because so many of us in life question our worth, question our value. But like, no, you are worth the time, the energy, the effort, the bandwidth it will take to get to know. And that's just always stuck with me because I believe if more people realize their worth, then they wouldn't struggle as much with their value.

Yeah. Yeah. That goes hand in hand with something that I honestly may have heard it from you now that. where you're speaking it, but we find our value where we put value. The first time I heard that, I was like, wow, that's so true. And we equate that like so much to whatever it is in life, someone's opinion, something on social media, someone, like the things that we can't control, we can't put value in that. Like, we need to put the value in the things that we can control.

Yeah. Who has had the most positive impact on your mental health? That's a good question. I'm not going to say God or Jesus because that's cheating. I don't like speaking Christianese. So I will say one of my best friends, his name is Cheedy. And he's just like comedian, just all things funny, incredibly positive impact. And then I'd probably say him.

A friend that can just make you laugh, humor, laughter is an incredible form of therapy. Yeah. And incredible form. of therapy, like seek to laugh. Find somebody that'll make you smile, even when you're hurting, because I've gone through some dark, dark days in the last 14 months.

And like somebody who even in the midst of tragedy can make you laugh, man, I'm telling you, there's nothing like it. Because my mental health has been, it's been tried in these last 14 months. I'm due to tragedies that we've spoken of. And by the grace of God, I've come on the other side of that on top. Oh, man, mental health, that's a conversation now.

It's a conversation. Yeah. We love mental health conversation. We love the conversation. Last question I have for you is if you can go back to one moment in your life, what moment would that be and what would you say to yourself? Okay, I got a question for you. What am I going back to that moment for?

It could be anything. It could be something you, Bono redo. It could be something that was a hard time. It could be something you want to, if you give yourself advice. Yeah. Like for me, I don't know if this would be the one, but like I would go back in time and tell myself at like the height of, you know, fame in my career to put value in the right things because I think I was putting them in the wrong things and that is what put me down a course that I really could have avoided a lot of pain, a lot of wasted time and energy.

And I, you know, could have moved, I could have skipped a chapter in my life that, you know, not taking it back. I think it taught me a lot. Yeah. So I don't know. Do I want to go back and tell myself that? I don't know. But I would, I would, you know, just loved to have known during that time in my life, those things are important.

I would go back to the first episode of uncomfortable conversations when I'm sitting in a room and I couldn't eat. And it was me and four other people. And I would just say, this is going to change your life. Get ready. Yeah. I wouldn't change anything. Yeah. I would just,

I would just tell myself like, hey, these next words that you will speak will change the trajectory of your life. Prepare yourself. Yeah. I'm kind of like you, Taylor,

that if you, if you would have changed anything, I would have changed everything. Yeah. Yeah. And so I wouldn't change anything, but I would just say like, hey,

get ready. Yeah. Because like, it's, the flood is coming. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I love it. I love that. Well, thank you so much. We both and so many others just respect you and just cherish you in everything you do. And just thankful for people like you doing the hard work. Yeah. And so, so beyond honored to call you a friend and have you in our lives. So thank you so much from the bottom of our heart for being here today. Of course, man. This is good.

This was therapeutic. This was therapeutic for me, hopefully for you all and obviously for those watching and listening. Like, these conversations are invaluable. Yeah. Amen to that. All right. Let's go get a nap. Thank you so much for squeezing us into your day.

Please be sure to rate, review, and follow our pod and check out full episodes on YouTube. You can follow me at Taylor Lautner, my lovely wife, at Taylaughtner. check out the squeeze on Instagram at the squeeze. And also give a little glance and a follow to Lemons by Tay. That's at Lemonsbytee on Instagram and lemonsbytea.com. And also be sure to email us, lapner. Dot the squeeze podcast at gmail.com. If you guys have any questions, any guests you'd like to see, we've gotten some interesting email so far, which has been awesome. But most importantly, please continue to talk about your journey with those around you. and sent our show to a friend that you think could use a little extra squeeze in their life. Absolutely.

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