The Squeeze - Jaci Marie Smith: Path to Motherhood

Episode Date: March 18, 2026

TW: Infertility In this week’s episode, Tay sits down with entrepreneur, blogger, podcaster, and educator Jaci Marie Smith! Jaci shares how she went from building her photography business to growing a platform online, the boundaries she’s learned to set with social media while it’s also her job, and how she decides what parts of her life to share and what she chooses to keep private. She opens up about becoming a mom and the boundary she’s set around sharing her daughter online, and why she ultimately decided to publicly document her IVF journey. Jaci walks us through her path from trying to conceive naturally, to IUI, to IVF, including the heartbreak of a failed transfer before finally experiencing a successful one. She also shares what it was like navigating infertility while her best friend and podcast co-host became pregnant easily during the same time, and the conversations that helped them support each other through it. Jaci offers advice for people who have a loved one struggling with fertility, reflects on the tools she uses to protect her mental health, and shares what she’s most proud of in herself today!Be sure to follow Jaci https://instagram.com/jacimariesmith/!To email us your questions or share your story, you can reach out to [e-mail] sure to rate, review, and follow the podcast so you don't miss an episode! Plus, follow us on all of our socials:The SqueezeInstagram: https://instagram.com/thesqueeze/TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@thesqueezepodcastTay LautnerInstagram: https://instagram.com/taylautner/TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@mrstaylautnerAmazon Storefront https://urlgeni.us/amazon/FDXj7 Taylor LautnerInstagram: https://instagram.com/taylorlautner/TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@taylorlautnerTo learn more from The Lemons Foundation, follow https://instagram.com/lemonsbytay/ and visit https://lemonsbytay.comEpisode Sponsors:Find your favorite flavor at PremierProtein.com, or at Amazon, Walmart, and other major retailers.Grab Goodwipes for free at Walmart so you can upgrade your restroom routine! Buy any one, two or three pack in Walmart or Walmart.com, text them your receipt, and get reimbursed almost immediately. For more details, head to goodwipes.com/SQUEEZE.Shop Redken now at Ulta and Ulta.com and feel the fullness.For a limited time, Tempo is offering our listeners 60% off your first box. Go to tempomeals.com/squeeze.Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com/go/squeeze! #squarepodSave 20% Off Honeylove by going to honeylove.com/THESQUEEZE! #honeylovepodMB014GJJJKQV82RSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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auto-huees-on-sor-sonder-zorger. Go to your rise-adviseur or sunnycars. The following podcast is a dear media production. It was the most vulnerable thing I've ever posted on the internet, my transfer did not work. I thought it was 100% going to work.

I cannot post this on the internet. I can barely even watch this footage because it's like so triggering and heartbreaking to me. You also don't owe super personal details to the whole world and that's something that you have to learn over time. It is way more common than a lot of people realize, even like miscarriages. Because I was like the only one in my immediate friend group going through it, I just felt very isolated. It was just very easy for everyone else and it wasn't for me.

And I'm just like, what is wrong with me? My husband had childhood cancer. He had leukemia. With all the testing that we ever got done, the only thing that was off was the morphology of his sperm. By getting that information because it felt like, okay, there is something that we can do. It was like a year of trying, naturally, wasn't happening.

Fertility treatments and trying to figure it out. I was like, honestly, I just want to take a break. Putting it out of our mind for literally two years and it still didn't happen. I thought it was going to be successful. I really did. I just had a really good feeling about all of it. And it just didn't work. Devoting my life to IVF for months.

It's just never going to work. Like I get emotional talking about it now because it was just like so, so sad and so hard. It was just such bad timing, you know. Welcome back lemon drops to another episode of The Squeeze. Happy Wednesday, if you are listening on a Wednesday. If not happy, whatever day of the week it is that you're listening on. I am so excited to have you here today listening and just being a part of our community. It truly means the world that you guys tune in each week to hear.

what our incredible guests have to say, and I just am feeling so lucky recently to be able to do this job. And heading into this week's episode, I want to introduce you to Jacey Marie Smith. She's an LA-based lifestyle creator, entrepreneur, and former portrait and wedding photographer who transitioned from photography to full-time digital content creation. She also shares education products and has a podcast called What We Said. Beyond podcasting, though, she has built a creator-focused brand that includes selling photo presets and educational resources for aspiring content creators. And she's publicly spoken on topics such as evolving spirituality, marriage, creator burnout, and her fertility journey, including undergoing IUI and IVF before a successful

pregnancy. We definitely talk a lot about infertility and miscarriage. So if those topics are sensitive to you, listen with caution, but it truly was such a special episode. episode. We had a cry. We had a laugh. And J.C. is such a remarkable woman. And I'm so curious to hear what you guys learned from her because I feel like I learned so much about just being a woman and being in friendship as a woman. All of the hardships that can come with that. We really dove deep into that. So a reminder to let us know down below or on socials, what you thought of the episode. Well, Jacey, welcome to the squeeze. Thank you for having me. I love that. We're just like really comfy in our chairs and we're just going to yap and chat and to criss grass apples off

I know I asked if I could take off my shoes I saw you didn't have shoes I'm like can I take mine off of my odd no I'm a I'm I don't like shoes I always wonder if that's because I danced growing up and I like was always barefoot and I loved being like barefoot outside as a kid but I like I hate shoes just constricting yeah yeah I can't do this with shoes on but we start each episode off with this jar it's a little game called Citrus Scott Real if you want to pull a little piece paper out of there. I love when I have podcasters on or people that understand a microphone and like they like no to like a little bit. It's like less stressful for me. I know podcasting with podcasters is yeah is fun. Okay. If you could delete one app from existence, what would it be? Ooh, that's a good one. I'm trying to think

of what app like makes me the most mad. It has to be something. Have you heard of the brick? Yes. This is not my answer, by the way. Do you have one? I technically do have one. She uses it. Okay. Yeah. I'm obsessed. It's like my new addiction. I need to set it up. I've told so many, I told you about it. I've told so many people about it and I have yet to set it up. It basically just locks you out of your different apps that you choose. So I'm trying to think of like what apps I brick myself out of, which is it's always the social media ones. You know? Like I want to say TikTok. just because it's a time waster for me. But when I'm in the right mood, I like scrolling on that. I think it's so fun. Honestly, mine might be threads.

I could agree with that. I don't ever go on threads. I know. It just like always pops up for me on Instagram. Or, and because it like automatically makes you an account. Yeah, yeah. So like I get alerts from it, but I'm like, I don't want this. I can agree with that.

That's a good one to just do away with. You know why? Because I was on this meeting the other day where they were talking about. social media marketing and strategy and they're like gotta post threads and I was like not a new one like I can't be doing TikTok Instagram podcast YouTube threads I'm like get out of here no do you have a Twitter no I don't even think I have an account what is it it's X I refuse I just last time I had one in like middle school it was Twitter so that's like what it is in my head I know I don't even think I have an account I think I deleted it like six years ago I never looked back there's a fake account of me and it has like a

decent amount of followers and it just like will like post things after I like post on Instagram. I don't even know if it's so there. I haven't looked. It's been like a couple years, but I'll like post stuff on Instagram and it'll be like, yeah, let's say I went to like Santa Barbara and I like post pictures from Santa Barbara. It'll be like, had the best time in Santa Barbara. I'm like, not them cosplaying you. I know. Literally. I'm like at least like saying like, please don't start saying bad things. At least it's not like saying bad things. No. It's just like, you got to get that taken down. I know. That's so funny though. Anyways, um, you've been doing social media for like a long time. Yeah. Over a decade. A long time. Over a decade.

Were you like consistently doing it? Have you been consistently doing it for that long? I've never had another job. I've never worked and like had a boss or anything. I started posting on Instagram my photography when I was in high school. Okay. And then I started making decent money through that. And then it kind of just slowly transitioned to influencing brands starting to reach out and sharing more lifestyle stuff. So it was before it was kind of my photography account. I would share all my photos and I would shoot weddings and stuff like that. In high school, I was shooting people's senior photos like my peers and stuff. But I just worked up to, yeah, being a photographer.

And then I was doing that full time. And then it slowly transitioned. Brands just started reaching out and being like, we'll pay you to wear this watch. And I was like, what? Like, what is that? Okay. And then it just transitioned. That was one of my first brand deals too.

Daniel Wellington. Shout out. I literally freaked. That just like unlocked a memory in my brain as you were saying that. Wow. Shout out to them. I feel like they were some of the first on the scene. Yeah.

Absolutely. You know, the influencing step. So yeah. I've done it for a long time. And you love it? Enjoy it? I do. I've had phases.

I've gone in and out of love with it for sure. I think when something you love becomes your job, you have to fight every day to keep it fun and keep it exciting because when it's the thing that you're passionate about and then now there's a have to in front of it yeah it changes your relationship with it you know that's so sure how have you like set boundaries with it to still like keep that love also honestly like not feeling a lot of time to influencers just kind of like overshare and then that's when it gets dangerous like they definitely share a lot of personal things that they're going through that maybe like in the moment they share it and maybe it shouldn't be

shared. Have you had to kind of set boundaries with that? Totally. I don't necessarily regret anything that I've shared. I feel like I've always been pretty because I've been doing it for a long time. I think and I've also, I have a lot of friends in the industry. So I've kind of seen through their lives and their mistakes or things that they're like, oh, I wish I wouldn't have shared that. For instance, when I got pregnant, this is so micro, but a lot of, lot of my friends had already been pregnant and shared stuff on the internet and they were like, I'm so glad I didn't share my due date or my friends who did were like, I regret sharing it. Because right when it got to that time, people were like messaging me nonstop, was the baby here?

And she's like, it was just stressful. So there are certain things that I've learned through my friends and peers and other people where I'm like, okay, that's probably a boundary. Like I'm not going to share. You also don't owe super personal details to the whole world and that's something that you have to learn over time. That's so true. But I have tons of of boundaries of social media talking about the brick already like two seconds into our conversation because it's my whole personality like I lock myself out of my phone 24-7 I have like a schedule so every day at 6 p.m it's like I don't even have the option to be on social media and I don't until the until like 9 or 10 a.m. the next day so during work hours I can but I'm usually so busy

shooting and doing stuff that sometimes I just don't even go on at all you know how do you set like your boundaries with filming content because I know like how many times a day are you posting? I don't post as much as I used to. I was oh my gosh I look back so when TikTok first started and I started seeing that people were gaining traction um I was like oh this is something like it's always good to be you know kind of early on the scene and so I committed to posting I think three videos a day for 90 days I was like that's what I'm going to I'm in it for three months I'm going to post three videos a day and I was like one of them's bound to do well yeah. I have followers on TikTok at the time. Okay. And then I did that and a few of them, uh, blew up and like,

I got followers from that. And so I was on my grind. That was in 2020 though. So that was six years ago now, which is crazy. But, um, I don't have a super stringent thing where it's like, I'm posting this many videos a day. I'm posting this many photos. I podcast. And so that's six times a month. So we, but that's very consistent for me. Yeah. And I just got back into YouTube and I'm trying to do that consistently as well. But I don't have like a super specific. Yeah. Stringent. That's good. I feel like sometimes people put so much pressure on themselves and then it's like they're not spending time with their family or like their spouse or their kids. And it's definitely like because because like you said you were posting three days or three times a day for those 90 days. Like I feel like you get a

bite and then it's like oh like I want more. I want more. I need to be posting more. And that's like when like it's good to be consistent, but if it's taking away, like, from like your real life, then it's not. It's not, it's not. It's not worth it. Okay, I want to talk about something that honestly feels a little overdue because it's 2026 and why are we still relying on dry, scratchy toilet paper to get clean? Like, seriously, think about it. If you were washing your hands, would you just wipe them with a dry paper towel and call it a day? No, you'd use water. So why is the bathroom any, different. That's exactly why I made the switch to good wipes, flushable wipes. Good wipes are perfectly moist flushable wipes that actually leave you feeling clean. Not just kind of clean, actually clean. And honestly, once you experience a difference, you start wondering why toilet paper was ever even the standard in the first place. They're made with plant-based fibers, so they're actually flushable and break down easily. They're also made for sensitive skin and use really

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Except Discover? In a little place like this? I don't think so, Jennifer. Oh, yeah, huh. Discover is accepted where I like to shop. Come on, baby. Get with the times. Right.

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That's S-Q-U-A-R-E dot com. G-O-S-Squise. Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today. Well, it's very easy to blur those lines because anything could be content. I think before I had my daughter, like, again, years ago, I was more on my grind with it where I was just like, this is an amazing opportunity we have. And it can be very addicting because like you said, you get a bite.

You're like, oh, people like that. I want to film more videos like that. And it becomes addicting. And I'm so like success driven that when I see something. is doing well. I want to keep doing it. Yeah. And so I've definitely gotten into times where I'm just filming way too much and posting way too much, probably. Yeah. It got me to where I am, so it's, at the end of the day, I'm grateful. But I think now that I'm just a little bit older and have more experience and I'm more established, I feel like I can take more breaks, which is nice.

What is your boundary with sharing your daughter on social media? I don't share her a lot. I actually share her less than I even thought I would. I never committed. I, I never committed. to anything before I had her. I never, because people would ask me, they're like, oh, are you going to show her? And I was just like, I'll see how I feel. I, and then as time went on, I just felt like I wanted to share her. I really never shared a lot of her, honestly, since she's been born. It's kind of surprised me how little I wanted to share of her, like just how much I wanted to protect her. Yeah. So I'll share like little photos of the back of her sometimes when we're doing something. It's like not a secret that I'm a mom, but I also don't share anything about her schedule, really her personality. Like, I don't think it's anyone's business, you know?

Yeah, I know. I always like, my girlfriends and I were just talking about that. I just did like a girl chat episode with two of my girlfriends and none of us have kids yet. And we were talking about like what we think about like what we're going to do with that. Because I always wonder, because, you know, we see people that have their kids in their content all the time. and then all the way to like not even like involving them an ounce. Yeah. So it's just like I'm so I also like don't want to say like what I think I would do

because like if I change my mind and people are going to be like, so I'm just like. You really don't know what you're going to feel comfortable with until they're here. I've even like posted photos and then deleted them later because I'm just like what's, I don't know. To me it's like what why do I need to share that at the end of the day? Like why obviously she's so cute and fun and I like would love to share her cute personality with everyone. But at the same time, the internet is so massive and you can't control anything. And once it's there, it's there. So to me, it just doesn't, it feels better to, like,

err on the side of not sharing a lot. And then that way you don't have regrets. Yeah. I feel like, yeah, you'll never regret, like, not sharing something. Exactly. Like, I look back on, like, my, when I got, I shared one and, um, we got engaged and then I didn't like post anything about wedding prep or planning or anything. And then it was just, we were married. Like, yeah. I didn't share anything about it. And I posted like a little bit of it, but I didn't really share much because I was so like, I don't want people knowing when we're getting married. We ended up someone leaked it and ended up sharing the photos before we did. So it ended up not working out.

But the photo sucked. So it was fine. But I look back on that time. I'm like, oh, like I could have shared. But like I'm happy. I am honestly like happy. Yeah. I didn't because it was something that I wanted to just like kind of keep between us because so much of.

like our life is public. I wanted to keep like that special time. Yeah. I know I like wonder how I'm going to be like with like when I get pregnant and having kids like what that will be. Yeah. I'm just like so curious when I'm going to like feel in the moment. I know.

I so I did IVF to get pregnant with my daughter and I shared my whole journey on YouTube and I filmed a ton of it. But I was filming knowing that I was just going to follow my intuition whether or not. was going to post it. Yeah. I wasn't planning on for sure posting it. I was going to film it just to have it in general. Yeah. And I was like, if I feel up to posting this, I will. I think that's the good thing about getting older is you just feel more intuitive and confident in your choices and you know what I mean. Yeah. So I filmed the whole process and going throughout it and putting it together, I ultimately did want to share it because I felt like it was it was the most vulnerable thing I've ever posted on the

internet like there there's a moment where like my transfer did not work and I'm just like sobbing like I it was I didn't I thought it was 100% going to work so I was like so excited to be yeah sharing that moment and then like my first transfer didn't work and I'm just I was like I cannot post this on the internet I can like barely even watch this footage because it's like so triggering and heartbreaking to me and I ended up posting it and I was so glad that I did because the purpose of it was just to like show the process of IVF and how I think when people um say they go through IVF, it just sounds like, oh, that's cool. And I was like, this is like a whole process. This is months and months of your life. This is, it is super expensive, super invasive.

Like, this is not an easy thing to do. Yeah. And so I wanted to show that process and also to girls who were like me, who were like struggling and couldn't get pregnant and we're feeling like, you know, they're watching all their friends get pregnant easily and things like that. I was like, I do want to share this. And I felt like, I felt good about that because it was my, it's my journey that and also my husband was in it here and there and he obviously totally consented to that as well. He was open to sharing that. But I still feel good about sharing that is what my point is is I felt happy that I shared that because I felt like there was like a bigger purpose behind it. Yeah. But yeah, then once I had my daughter, I was like, oh, are people going to be sad that I'm

not really sharing motherhood as much because I shared so much of IVF? But at the end of the day, I'm like, but that, this is my life and this is my choice. And I have to have. boundaries that feel good to me, you know. Yeah. I want to get into your infertility journey, but that actually made me think about recently I've been seeing on social media influencers that have gotten pregnant are now like getting, like people are posting that they don't want to follow their favorite influence anymore because they're pregnant and like all their content is like about them being pregnant. Yeah, have you seen that? And like what are your thoughts on that? Oh my gosh. Okay. I feel like it's just a very,

I think it's valid to if you're not interested in that type of cause. If that's not the stage of life you're in. Like if you're a young 20s girl and then you're following this influencer and she gets pregnant and that becomes her whole thing and she's sharing all about it. I can understand why you maybe not be as interested. Yeah. What I don't understand is like making a scene about it and being like, I don't ever. I'm going to unfollow.

It's like we just exit silently. Like why do you? Yeah. I do think it is very. weird in general because it's like not celebrating just women in general it's like yeah i don't get the big the big deal but it's like if you must yeah then why do we have to make a big fuss i don't get that part of it yeah no i i completely agree with that and i also think the videos that i were seeing it was people like like people were going after whitney simmons and it's like all her content now is just

like about pregnancy like she's changed so much like it was like yeah it they were like getting mad that that was all that she was posting about. But also I'm like, that's your whole life. When you're pregnant, by the way, it's like all you can think about. You're like, this is hello. Like, this is my new reality. It's, yeah, it's inevitable that your content's going to shift. And also, it's nine months. You'll be fine. Then she's going to go back and she's going to be still working out. She's not going to be talking about being pregnant. So you know what I mean? Yeah. It's like her content has just changed so much. Like she's not who she used to be. I'm like, duh, duh, she's pregnant. Also, she's still posting her same workout videos. Like, it's just,

I was like, I was getting defensive. Do you know what's actually so annoying about that is I remember I posted when I was pregnant just like photos and people are like, I'm so sick of seeing your belly. And I was like, sorry. It's there. So what do you mean? It's almost like this is so I'm like going on such a tangent. But like you know when people have big boobs or something and I don't. So I can't relate to this. But like my friend's always like if you wear a shirt, it's like, oh, you're just trying to show off your boobs. And she's like, I'm just wearing a shirt. Yeah. Like I just am wearing a shirt and I have. boobs. That's what it is. That's exactly how the pregnancy thing is. It's like you're working out and you just happen to be pregnant. It's like, this is all you post about. I'm pregnant. I can't change that. Like, I'm sorry. I have a belly. You're going to see it. Yeah. It can't. It's just the thing where everyone thinks that every piece of content needs to, they think it needs to please them and like be for them. Yeah. It's like, yeah. That's not everyone's job to make you feel like perfectly safe and content and happy and yeah. So inspired. Like if someone's not inspiring you, mute them. Yeah. That's, Yeah, that's so true.

Okay, I want to talk about your infertility journey because you've shared so much of it. And I feel like a lot of what I know you from is for sharing that. So I want to thank you for doing that honestly because I think it is so important. And it's something that I think we've finally tapped into that it is way more common than a lot of people realize. even like miscarriages. I feel like I, so many of my friends that's been such a common thing for them. But what, you kind of answered it, but what made you decide to like actually decide to finally share that that was what you were going through?

I decided pretty early on. I mean, once it had been a year of trying to get pregnant and I couldn't, I was like, for that whole year I didn't mention that I was ever trying to get pregnant, nothing. And then after it had been a year, I was like, I would talk about this publicly just because I do have a podcast and I talk pretty openly about a lot of things that I'm feeling and going through. And once I did talk about it, even the first few times, I got so many messages of people, just women thanking me and being like, I feel the same way. And I think that's what made me want to share more because it just made me realize, number one,

like I felt a lot of solidarity with these people who were messaging me, you know, that they were going through it too and I felt like it was unfortunately more normal than because I was like the only one in my like immediate friend group going through. I just felt very isolated. Like it was just very easy for everyone else and it wasn't for me. And I'm just like, what is wrong with me? And so I guess I just wanted to not normalize it, but you know what I mean? Like bring awareness to it and be like I'm also going through this and like life isn't perfect. And yeah. And we all go through things and this is like the thing that I'm currently dealing with. And yeah, I have never regretted sharing about infertility.

Yeah. Did you know before trying that infertility may have, would maybe be an issue? Like, did you have PCOS? Was there something underlying or were you just, it was something that caught you off guard? It's weird because I felt like I had a hunch like before ever, which I don't know why. And I don't know if that was just like an intrusive thought that happened to come true. because I've heard other women say that. They're like, I thought for sure I'd be infertile and I like got pregnant first try.

I think it's like a fear that a lot of women have just because it's sure. If you've never tried to get pregnant, you're like, what if I can't? I don't know. So weirdly I was always like, I wonder if I can just get pregnant easily. And I couldn't, obviously. But upon further investigation, so my husband had childhood cancer. He had leukemia. And the only with all the testing that we ever got done, the only,

irregularity or thing that was off was, this is like so niche. And yes, I have his consent to share this. It was the morphology of his sperm, which is like the shape of it. Oh, wow. And so they think that it could have been affected by chemotherapy. And I've heard that before. Like other women have also messaged me saying kind of similar things. And so the good thing, I guess, about that is that it can be corrected, not corrected, but they can, when they're doing IVF, they're physically going in and getting the good shaped sperm. So it wasn't that all of them were not good. It was just that it was going to have a hard time finding my egg and like, you know, happening on its own. Yeah. And so honestly, that was kind of, I felt relieved by by getting that information because it

felt like, okay, there is something that we can do. I also did three IUIs. Do you know what IUIs are? Can you explain them? Because I kind of do. It's, it's basically, so it's not as invasive as IVF. It's basically where they just shoot the sperm like into you and like a lot of it so that it like has a better chance. It's kind of a whole process to you. Like you do take a few shots and stuff like that. But IVF is where like they retrieve your eggs. They take his sperm. They create an embryo and then they put it back in you.

So it's like a lot more. Yeah. Expensive. The whole thing. Yeah. So I did three IuIs like three months in a row back a few years before I even did IVF and they did not work. And so then when we had all that testing, we had the information about the morphology. We were like, well, IVF seems to be the best answer. So I did feel very hopeful going into IVF.

How long of a journey was it before you actually did IVF? It was around four years. Okay. Yeah. So we didn't do anything. It was like a year of trying naturally wasn't happening, maybe like a year and a half into it. I can't remember exact timelines are off the top of my head, but we went and got tested and stuff. Then that summer I did the IUI's. And then I waited like a year and a half for two years and then I did IVF. I was like so over all the just fertility treatments and trying to figure out. I was like, honestly, I just want to take a break and like just live our best life. So we like traveled.

I did a lot of work stuff. We just like tried to take our mind off it, which also that narrative always bothers me. And people like, you just need to stop thinking about it and stuff. And I'm like, okay, I stopped thinking about it, quote unquote. Like we weren't actively trying. We were just like putting it out of our mind for literally two years and it still didn't happen. I felt like I was thriving, living my best life truly. Like, of course, I thought about it sometimes.

But in my head, that just wasn't the goal at that time. We had just put it out of our mind and we're like, let's just, you know, not be letting this take. It's already been taking over our life for two years. Like, let's take a breather. Yeah. And I was like, I'll, you know, let you know when I feel ready to do IVF since it's going to be a whole thing.

And yeah, so it took a few years for me to be ready. And then I felt ready. I felt excited about it. I felt like I wanted to start that journey. So we did. But yeah, it was years. Lately, my life has felt like a constant juggling act between work, social plans, travel, trying to move my body, and still show up for myself. There are so many days where my own health ends up taking a back seat.

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It was really hard, but also really empowering, weirdly. And even after my failed transfer, so I basically, I did all the shots, did the egg retrieval, transferred an embryo in. I thought it was going to be successful. I really did. I just had a really good feeling about all of it. And it just didn't work. So like after the transfer, you take a pregnancy test a week later or whatever. And I was like so excited. I took it at home. And then it was negative. And I was just like, you're kidding. Like I have literally been devoting my life to IVF for months. Testing shots. Like so much stuff. It didn't work. And then I started being like, is it ever is it, is just never going to work? Like. Yeah. So I got really down about that. Um,

that was a super hard stage of it. But my doctor was amazing. I love him so much. And he, he wanted me to do a mock transfer the following month. I think I had to take one month off, but, which is essentially when they like pretend,

like you do all the shots, you do all the same stuff. It's like you're transferring. But then instead they like come and take a little thing out of you and test it. Anyway, we did that and we got good information from that. That he was like, oh,

you are actually something called pre receptive. So we need to give you, one extra day of shots and then we're going to input, we're going to put the embryo in next time a day later than we did. It's like this whole science thing. So I was like, okay, so then I felt more positive. And then I did that next transfer and that's when I got pregnant. Oh, wow. Yeah. It was a lot of ups and downs. But I think throughout the whole thing, I felt empowered because I was making progress on something. Like I felt like, okay, I'm trying everything possible. It's not just, I'm not like sitting around. I'm literally doing all the tests. I'm doing everything. I'm doing all

the science. I'm like putting myself through the ringer to make this happen. So I felt empowered by that in a weird way. Yeah. No. Absolutely. Yeah. I know that your co-host and your best friend got pregnant while you were dealing with your infertility stuff.

And that, correct me if I'm wrong, that wasn't a struggle that she went through. Right. No. How was that for you? It was so, so hard. It was such a, oh, it was a bad situation. I didn't tell anyone that so people knew I was doing IVF but I didn't tell anyone that I had transferred. So I literally didn't tell anyone. I was going to surprise like the close people in my life. Because again,

I thought it was going to work that I was pregnant. And then it didn't work. And I was just like, I need support now. Like I've been like going through this all alone. Like they knew that I had done the egg retrieval and stuff. But I was like, I'm not going to transfer for for a few months. And then I did that month. And so I was like, oh, I'm excited to like surprise everyone. Didn't work. So then I was going to, again, I thought I was going to tell her I was pregnant, but then I ended up having to tell her I wasn't. And I was like, I just like at this point, I'm not just going to like suffer in silence. And then, you know, like I want the people close to me to know that like I'm going through this very hard thing. So I told her and it was super sad. And then like, and at that point she had found out she was pregnant like one day before. So I like, she came over to my house and I was like, I have to tell you something. And I was like sobbing. I was like, I'm not pregnant. Like I thought I would. be I get emotional talking about it now because it was just like so so sad and so hard. And then literally like three days later she was like I have to tell you something like I'm so sorry. And she found out she's pregnant unexpectedly. And I was just like all this sucks. Yeah.

It was just such bad timing, you know. And we had a trip actually like a brand trip that we were going on like super soon after. And I remember we were just like sitting on the beach and we were both just crying. And I was like, I want to be happy for you than I am, but I'm so sad. And she was like, I'm so sorry. And like, I don't know. The reason I get so emotional about it now is because I feel like we are so lucky to have each other. I feel like it would be so easy to like, I don't know. I just felt like we were both so open and honest that there wasn't any like resentment or anger. It was truly just like, this is a really sucky situation. And I just like, this is a really sucky situation. But I was telling her, like, I still want to hear about your symptoms. Like, I don't want

you to, like, shy away from telling me about, this is exciting, you know? And I was also super sad because I was like, our babies literally would have been like days apart. Like, you know, I was just like thinking about all the what ifs. Like, because if I, if I told her I was pregnant that day, she could have literally told me a few days later, like, I'm also pregnant. And we could have been seriously, our babies would have been due like within days. And so it was just like very crushing because I was like, again, it was just like reiterating that thing. It's like, okay, it's so easy for everyone else. It's like so difficult for me. I'm doing so much. I'm like paying so much money and it's still not working. And so it was just a really, really hard time. But I think like being able to share that.

And she was just like, I'm so sorry. Like I, I, you know, don't know how to be there perfectly, but like I want I want to. And like, anyway, it was just a lot of, we had like so many conversations. and that was her second baby too. And so anyway, it was just a super, super hard time, but nothing we could do about it. And it didn't like change. I think it made our friendship stronger because we're both just like, this doesn't, like, we just love each other. It doesn't change anything.

It's like just, it sucks. And that's just how it is. Yeah. But I ended up getting pregnant like two months later. And so our babies, like now that they're like hold hands all the time when they're together. And they're like two and a half months apart. And it's like, it's literally nothing in the grand scheme of things, you know? Yeah.

They're so close in age. It's so much fun. She has a boy. I have a girl. And it's like, it's been so magical to be able to go through that together. And again, it was like a blip in time that was like very, very hard and I think very valid that it was hard for both of us. Because something else. And I was telling her this when we were like crying on the beach together.

I was like something that just like makes me so sad is that I feel like my friends can't be themselves. They can't be excited around me. Like they're getting pregnant and they want to tell everyone and be so excited and they just like can't because it's like they know it that I'm sad, you know? And that's like that's so sweet of them. They're good friends. But it's like I don't want you to have to, you know what I mean? Yeah. Dim your, dim your excitement because of someone else. And like the fact that I'm just like that sore spot like I don't, it makes me feel bad. So yeah, it was like just a struggle for a while. And. But I think it was it was also cool to see like our friendship just. be so solid and like we still had such a fun trip and like we were laughing the whole time it was just like really that that moment that we were just like this is the worst yeah you know wow well thank you for sharing that yeah no i was not expecting to get email on the pod it's special no i can i mean i can just tell so much how how deeply you both love each other just like from that and like i was getting emotional like thinking about like having you know one day if i'm going to have to like walk through that

my close friends and like um it's just so special finding friendship like that where like you just equally want to be sad yet celebrate the other and it's so special that you guys are able to like communicate and that you're still like so close yeah um i love what you said about like you still wanting people around you to be like excited and to not like dim their celebration a girlfriend of mine, her mom just passed away unexpectedly. And we have seen each other. And a lot of us are like, you know, our whole group of girlfriends is blowing her up nonstop. Just like, hey, love you, thank you of you.

Like just texting her. And one of my friends, she lost her dad at 16. And we were talking about it. And she was like, the biggest thing that when I was going through that is I just wanted people to be normal around. me. Like I didn't want them to treat me like I was in bubble wrap. Like I wanted them to like just, you know, be able to like have fun and not have to like baby me and ask me how I'm doing. You know, checking in with your friends is obviously important. But when she said that, I was like, wow, I've never actually like thought about it like that. So you saying that it really, um,

it just made me think of that. And would you say like, would that be advice for someone that maybe let's say my friend is going through infertility and is struggling that what would be like your advice for them i think for them or for you supporting them i would say for honestly let's do both i would say for the support system and then yeah i think that it it's so different depending on the person i'm like that like you said with your friend i didn't want people to to constantly be asking me if i was okay or like obviously it means a lot when people check in yeah but i didn't want it to be like we go to a gather, we're going to a baby shower and it's like, oh, like, you know, I'm just like, I'm here celebrating you guys. I want to be here too. I don't want to be treated like,

you know, pity and stuff. So that's my personality. I think everyone's different. So you kind of have to know your friend when you're supporting them. I also think that there's no right thing to say to someone going through really anything. You don't know what to say. When someone's going through loss or infertility, it's really hard to know. And I think just like the effort. is all that matters of like showing up and saying you care and, um, acknowledging. Like, with my best friend Chelsea, like when she told me she was pregnant and she just knew that I lost my transfer, she, you know, has enough awareness to not film my reaction or like tell me in public with people. Like we were in private. We were in the car together. She was like sobbing. You know what I

mean? It's like she. So I think just like being aware of your friends and, um, also knowing as the person going through it, there's nothing that anyone can say because when people would be like, oh, it'll happen, it'll happen. I'm like, you don't know if it's going to happen. So like, let's not promise. You know, I know you're trying to be positive. But then also people were like, that's my worst nightmare. Like that's so hard.

I'm like, okay, so I'm like going through the worst thing ever. You know what I mean? It's like there's nothing that I felt like there was nothing that really helped. Yeah. It's just like something that it's your journey that you're going through. You know? And I think the thing that was helpful was just like being. normal having normal girls nights and not talking about it honestly yeah to me that was best case

scenario you know unless i wanted to bring it up yeah for sure going through that and then postpartum being a mom now how have you learned to prioritize your mental health i think it's so important like to be a good mom personally i feel like that starts with me it starts with being the best version of myself if i'm feeling scattered and just like I'm not taking care of myself. It's much harder to be, you know, it's much easier for me to get like overstimulated and just like, oh my gosh, this is so much if I'm not taking my own time. Yeah.

I've recently been trying to become a morning person. I did see that. I did see that. How is that going? So, you know, it's actually going decently well. Are you a morning person? You are. You're one of the lucky ones.

How early do you wake up usually? Well, normally I'm like 745. Okay. And sometimes I wake up at like 710 before sometimes. But I also like, it's, this sounds so dumb. We have two dogs. And one of them, she has like overproductive. This is way too much detail.

She has like an overproductive like acid in her stomach. So she throws up if she doesn't eat. So, and she's like our baby. So I'm like, I like stress. about her like throwing up her bile because it's just like the saddest thing. So you have to get up early to feeder is what you're saying? Yeah. So I just like can't sleep in. But I also think that if I went to bed earlier, then I would wake up earlier because my husband is a night owl. Okay. But you have like energy in the morning. Yeah. When I'm when I wake up, I'm like, I'm awake. Yeah. Okay.

That's me. And that's not like my truth. So I've always been just such a sleepy girl in the morning. I've considered myself a night out like I will work until late. I'll watch a show until late and then I'll just obviously with a kid like that's just not an option anymore. So I have to get up earlier. And so I've been trying to train myself because I would ideally, what I've realized now is I'm like I have felt so scattered trying to find my routine. And I was realizing it's because it's a big priority for me to work out. I really want to I wanted to get back into shape and like just feel strong and feel healthy. But I was like trying to fit my workout in randomly throughout the day with work with being. I'm just like, this is not working. So.

So I realized I needed to do it ideally before she even wakes up. So I've been moving the alarm back earlier and earlier to try and wake up before and get my full workout in before she's even awake. What was becoming my reality is like I was waking up to her already awake. And I'm like immediately thrown into mom life. You can't like acclimate yourself at all. Yes. So to have like silence in the morning.

Silence and just alone time is huge for me personally. Like I have to recharge that way. I'm super. I like to be extroverted. I love being in a group. But I need to be alone to just recharge. No, I'm the oldest daughter though. And there's a big age gap. I have two little brothers. I'm an only child. And I've learned later in life that my, I need, I need time alone to, like, fully like mental. That's why I also love waking up early because my husband sleeps in. So I like get the whole morning to like clean and have my coffee and do my journaling. And like I get like work done. And then he wakes up like a couple hours later. And I'm like, have. done like so much already and I like feel like energized and ready to go. It is really nice. Yeah. How okay not to like interview you, but how did you like growing up as an only child?

Like did you always wish you had siblings or are you kind of like happy now or what's the vibe? I think I see my thing was I was an only child and I didn't have any cousins at all my age. They were either like 10 years older or 10 years younger. So I just was kind of like with the adults. all the time. I think growing up I didn't really notice it because I was always like, I liked to dance growing up. So I was always like I'd dance. I always had, like, growing up before high school, I always did like dance at another sport. So I was like out of the house all the time. Okay. And my best friend growing up, she was also an only child. So we would do like family vacations together. I think honestly now later in life, I've clocked it more. Like I,

it, I was like you wish you had a sibling maybe. Yeah. I think I was telling my dad this. other day that it makes me sad that my kids won't have like a blood like aunt and uncle like and my husband has a sister and she has kids so like they obviously have like an aunt and uncle and they'll have cousins but like from my side of the family they won't so that's kind of like really the only bum but like i was able to do like so much like my parents you know they were both worked and they really like were able i was able to do so much of what i wanted to do to provide for you and yeah yeah because of that I'm sourcing I'm sourcing answers because I'm like I just told you how hard the whole IV at the pregnancy I'm like do I want another one I would love her to have a sibling but what do we think about the only child I know I know no there's definitely there's definitely pros and cons I honestly think if I wasn't an only child I would maybe have one yeah like just because I wouldn't have known but there's there's pros and cons so whatever I'll be I'll be thinking about it yeah I don't think I actually really thought about it until the freaking Nader sisters came out with

their show and I was like so relatable so relatable they're just like cute little sisters like living their lives together and like seeing them in person too like they're just like so cute like like they're all just like best I'm like I feel like that watching the Kardashians too because there's so many of them and I'm like I know it's so fun like I'm not gonna do that yeah it sounds so fun yeah yeah yeah yeah no that's that's that ship has sailed yeah already that's too much coming out way too much too many things last question I have for you is when you most proud of yourself for? Ooh, I think I'm the most proud of myself for just putting effort into my life. Like even when things are hard, I feel like through good times and bad times,

I always try and just put a lot. I don't even know if that makes sense, but I try and just like romanticize life and put a lot of effort into it. I feel like those little things, like those little routines and little touches in life, like getting fresh flowers for my house or like waking up early and making myself a workout playlist that I really like. And like putting that time aside, I feel like that's something that I'm proud that I always strive for is like putting effort into those little things and just like making sure that life is feeling like joyful to me. And I feel proud that I did that all throughout like infertility and other hard things that I've been through that like I still show up for myself in that way. Yeah. I think I think that's my answer.

that that's so special well thanks for coming and chatting thanks for having me so so lovely this was so fun and so chill I loved it cry we got a nice laugh I know really covered out the basis we did thank you so much for having me please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode