The Squeeze - Jaclyn Hill and Jordan Torrey: Addiction, Sobriety and Lipsticks Part 2

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

The Lautners welcome back Jaclyn Hill and Jordan Torrey for part two of their exclusive episode! If you missed part one, Jaclyn and Jordan opened up for the first time about their personal experiences with addiction and loss, the boundaries they’ve set to protect their well-being, and the tools that have been critical in their healing journeys. This week, Jaclyn talks about her early beginnings in makeup, what inspired her to start making YouTube videos, and her iconic collaboration with Morphe that changed the beauty industry! She bravely opens up for the first time about the challenging period surrounding the controversy with Jaclyn Cosmetics’ lipsticks and shares the profound impact it had on her mental health, ultimately leading to major depression and alcohol addiction. Jordan offers his perspective, shedding light on what it was like to support Jaclyn through such a dark time. Together, they discuss the turning point in Jaclyn’s life that inspired her to seek sobriety and how she’s evolved since. Finally, Jaclyn offers heartfelt advice for those fearful of giving up alcohol, and they talk about what's next for both of them!Listen and watch part 1 of Jaclyn and Jordan’s episode here:https://youtube.com/watch?v=eHHqTJPjArk&t=38shttps://open.spotify.com/episode/2o0dJuhsi057PR5BnN1bhX?si=23560971a6274ea2https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-squeeze/id1665203594?i=1000665244536Be sure to follow Jaclyn https://instagram.com/jaclynhill/ https://youtube.com/@Jaclynhill1/ and Jordan https://instagram.com/farnumgrindtime/ https://youtube.com/@FarnumGrindtime/If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, check out these resources:https://releaserecovery.com/https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helplineTo email us your questions or share your story, you can reach out to [e-mail] sure to rate, review, and follow the podcast so you don't miss an episode! Plus, follow us on Instagram:The Squeeze: https://instagram.com/thesqueeze/Tay Lautner: https://instagram.com/taylautner/Taylor Lautner: https://instagram.com/taylorlautner/& TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@thesqueezepodcastTo learn more from The Lemons Foundation, follow https://instagram.com/lemonsbytay/ and visit lemonsbytay.comEpisode Sponsors:Get your free LMNT Sample Pack with any purchase at drinklmnt.com/SQUEEZE.Use code SQUEEZE at checkout for 15% off your entire order at www.vionicshoes.com when you log into your account. 1 time use only.Go to Seed.com/THESQUEEZE and use code 25THESQUEEZE to get 25% off your first month.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Auto-hue with Sunny Cars feels as if the children Not me be seen. Tisel stramble. Zandvo. Actis forqueer. Vendantancy can chaotic but who zorgloos

an auto-hurt says Oneo dos no stress. No own-verwachted costs. Altight full-ledgiverts. So, foothau-uers under-songer. Go to your reis-adviseer or Sunnycars.

The following podcast is a dear media production. It was madness. She was so anxious about it that she did not post about the ribbon cutting until 24 hours before. There was like 10,000 people just lined up in the mall. When I was cutting the ribbon, I could see the Nordstrom that I put in my two weeks notice to do YouTube. Shut up. I was so emotional. I went back and planch my lipstick, which then became the biggest cancellation in the beauty community, I would think.

Everything that she had worked for crashed. We sold hundreds of thousands of skews. I worked on my lipstick for years, okay? The audience believing in me has always been my number one thing. I could not turn on my phone without seeing something about me. And it wasn't just about the lipstick. People were digging into my father. He was a narcissist and she's just like her father.

That period of my life bloated and got so inflamed. I was going through one handle in like three days. That's why I referenced this time of my life when I say it was the hardest time of my life. You guys ready for this? Mm-hmm. Grab the popcorn. When life gives you lemons, what do you do with them? Over here at the squeeze, we

talk about it. Welcome back, everyone. Who! Part two. This is special. We've never done this before. Two parter. Two people, two parter.

Look at him go. He's on a role. A man of many words. Man of many words. As Jacqueline would say, welcome back to my, you just say your thing. Hey guys, welcome back to my channel for today's video. We're going to be diving into part two of the squeeze. Yes.

Some juicy stuff. Make sure you subscribe. Yes. Hit that notification. Don't forget to like. Leave a comment down below letting us know how much you love the tase. My radio voice. That was really good.

Yeah, it is good. Thanks, guys. Very good. I've done this a few times. Thank you. Just a couple. She's going to charge us for that. Yeah, frick.

You can start saving up. Okay. Let's dive into this makeup world. I know a very like overview, no details type of thing. Taylor has freaking no clue what, if you've been canceled, how you have been and why you have been. I'm so excited. I love that.

Yeah. Honestly. The popcorn is nearby, right? Okay, great. I will be just here. Great. Yes. I'm going to just do this for everyone's ears.

The sound of the crunch is so good, though. Like, it just makes me say, it doesn't actually sound nice. Like when something's getting so deep, and Taylor, she's like, I actually feel like you would be really good at ASMR videos. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

With a little bit of his voice acting. Oh, that's good. I like it. Sprinkle it over. Okay. So, honestly, let's start from the beginning

of makeup. I would appreciate that. When, what got you into makeup? My mom. My mom and my sister were glam girls. Like glam all the way.

My grandmother, I'm not like, you said, let's start from the beginning. I'm like, so grandma. Yeah. In 1912.

Literally, my grandma was such a glam girl that she would not check the male without a full face of makeup on. Okay. Glam girl. She was a very K girl. She did all the things, yes.

So it's like in the family's blood to be a glam beauty girl. And my mom always let me express myself with makeup from a very young age that I'm very grateful for. Because you know, a lot of moms are really strict. A lot of dads are really strict. Right. My mom was always just like, have fun with it. Enjoy yourself. You're not going to go out looking like a clown.

But when I was home, I was allowed to play with makeup as much as I wanted. So all the makeup that my mom, my sister would buy and not like or it would dry out or whatever it was. they'd put it in a shoebox and I would keep that shoebox in my room and then that was my play makeup and that started when I was like five oh wow yeah super young oh so this is like it's in your blood always been in a makeup always did my girlfriend's makeup for you know all their school dances I was homeschooled so I didn't get to like do any of those things but seriously I didn't get to do those things wait I don't think I knew that you didn't know I was homeschooled like your whole life I got pulled out here we go we're going to get deep again sorry um when I was in third grade I got pulled

out because I was so badly bullied. I was beat up. Yeah, I was beaten up pretty bad, actually. It was the day of the book fair. And my mom gave me $50 to go buy books. I loved books. Love. I had a huge collection. And I mean, I was young. I was eight years old, right? I was eight years old. I'm looking at him as if he was there. And you got jumped to the book fair? I did. I got jumped to the book fair. I like can obviously talk about it in a like lightweight now, but it was really awful. I was really badly bullied in school. just not for any reason other than there was a few of us girls who were just bullied. They were just mean. They just like spit on us and push us and push us off the playground and things like that.

And then one day at the book fair, I was like in one of the back aisles looking. I literally remember I was looking at an Arthur book. And some three girls came up to me and they were like, we know you have money. We know that you've got money on you to buy books. And they kicked my ass, gave me a bloody nose, punched me in the stomach, kicked me in the head. And my mom was like, we're pulling you out. Some of my parents pulled me out and homeschooled me. Did they want the money?

Yeah, they took my $50. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's insane. Now, looking back, I don't remember, I'm sure I bragged. I'm sure at some point earlier the day, I was like, I have $50 to buy bucks. Like, I'm sure I was so excited. Probably.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I mean, it still does not in any way, excuse it. But I'm sure I was very much giving that energy. Like, I could not wait to get my Arthur on. Wow. So the book fair was your last chapter of public school. Period.

Let's stick with the weed one from last episode. That was really good. Okay. So then back to the happier note. When did you start making makeup videos? Like what was that time? Yeah. So I was, hold on, I was 21 years old.

And I was working at the Mac store. I worked at Mac Cosmetics, which is a makeup store. I worked there for four years. Oh, wow. And I worked at all different locations. throughout Boston, Chicago, and Tampa every time I moved because things were very unstable in my life at that time. And so because of things being very rough and very unstable, we were just looking for places to sleep, looking for families, like our family members to like take us in.

And I, so I worked at all three different locations of those three cities. And when I was working at the Chicago Woodfield Mall, I discovered a couple of girls on YouTube. And this was so new. Like this was like no one had more than 50,000 subscribers. Like this was new. Yeah. It was like a phenomenon. And I thought it was so cool that people were recording themselves doing this online. I was like, holy moly, I'd never seen anything like that ever.

Yeah. So I decided I was doing makeup on a client one day in the Mac store and she was like, you would be so good at something like that. I was like, really? So my mom bought me a camera. It took over a month to get to me because she bought it online. It was like $50. It shipped from Hong Kong.

It took like six weeks to get. to me. And the very first video I ever filmed, I actually deleted, because it was literally so bad that I was like, this cannot remain on my YouTube channel. This was awful. It was filmed on my actual like web camera. It was so bad. We might need to see it. No, it's gone, God. It's God. It's God. But I do still have like my, I think I delete like my first two, but the rest of them are still there. So I use my lamp, my pure one imports lamp as my lighting and stood there with my little camera and got to work. I love it. Had no clue it could be a job. Did not even know that was a thing.

So did you just, you were just filming yourself? Yeah. How'd you know what you were doing? You just, you were just winging it? I was just winging it quite literally. I did a wing eyeliner tutorial in that video. Oh! Yes. So I just, yeah, I won it. I knew. Big Jacqueline Hill fan. I got on camera and I'm like, hi guys. So today I'm going to be doing a look of Kim Kardashian on the cover of Glamer magazine. And I just did it. I had no clue what would come of it. And I was like, Mom, you'd have to promise you're not going to tell anybody. This is so embarrassing.

And then my really good friend, Micah, she posted it. She put on her Facebook. She's like, you need to be proud. This is so cool. I was so humiliated. But I stuck to it because I started getting people commenting on my videos, just being like, oh, thanks so much for teaching me about this eyeshadow. Or thanks so much, I didn't know this.

I didn't know that. And I was like, this is so cool. I'm like helping girls out. Yeah. And then that just snowballed. I mean, I didn't make a penny. not $1 for, I mean, gosh, at least six months, because I didn't know it could be a job. Right.

And then I got my first email from Google saying, like, you're now eligible to make money through Google AdSense off of ads. And I was like, what? Like, lost my mind. Oh, my gosh. Got my first paycheck for $300. Screamed and cried. Oh.

I was like, all I have to do is just make videos and teach girls makeup. Like, I get to play with makeup on camera and then make $300. Like, this is a dream. Yeah. And then that snowballed. How long had you been doing, you know, YouTube building your online presence until you did your first Morphy Club? Okay, hold on. Let me think.

It feels like it was so much longer than it actually was. I want to say, I keep looking at you for answers, even though you were not there in this period of my life. No. No, it was not. I want to say my first Morphy collab was like four years in, maybe even three. It was not that far in at all. Wow. I didn't know that quickly. Think about it. I started working with them like 10 years ago. My career is only 13 years in. Yeah, it makes sense.

Yeah. How did you, how, like how much had you grown online between that time? When I collared with Morphy, I was well over a million followers on YouTube. Yeah, I was like around there. So I was like a million followers in. Yeah. Morphy and I really grew together. It's a makeup brand. I discovered them really, really, really early on. They only had one small store in Burbank. And then I'm the one that blew Morpia up. And I don't say that in a way of like cocky or arrogance. I say that because that is a fact. Yeah. I, so I'm best friends. Yeah, I was going to say you can't say that. I was going to say they've become friends now with my best friend, Linda. She was the founder of Morphy and then sold the company after a couple of years of us doing business. And I mean, her and her brother will

very gladly tell you that I was the one that they were like, what the hell just happened? Their website crashed. They had thousands upon thousands of orders. They had to hire all new staff. they were sleeping in their warehouse on mattresses. They're like, what just happened? Wow. She reached out. She's like, do you want to become an affiliate? And we can create a code for your followers to save money.

And I was like, why would they save money? Your eyeshadows are only $2. They don't need to save any more money. Like, no one does. Like your brushes are four bucks apiece. And she was like, well, no, we could still create a code where your followers earn, where you earn commission. And then your followers would also get 10% off.

So it's like a win-win. And I was just very much like, I don't see the point in this. this because like it's so inexpensive. No one needs to save money. And I didn't know how much opportunity there was in like making money in that. She's like, please just like let me let me do this that way. Like I can pay you back and you can earn money. And I was like, okay. So I told my audience, hey, you use code Jack Attack. And then I was like, oh, they love this. I mean like just the first time I talked about Code Jack Attack, there was over 100,000 people that used that code. Wow. Like just like immediately. So then we got into business together. And then they

They expanded their affiliate program to hundreds of content creators after that. So it was Linda, or Linda and Chris, from the very beginning that owned the company before it blew up and when you reached out to them and talked to them for the first time. Yep. That's where your relationship with Linda goes back to. Yep. Holy crap. I know 10 years ago, yeah.

Walked into the Morphy store one night right before they closed and Linda was there working. The store was smaller than this room, by the way. Yeah, teeny teeny tiny. And she was working in the store. store. Yeah, she was working in the store that night. I love her so much. I know, I love her so much. Wow. They had 12 employees at the time, walked out with so much stuff, put in my suitcase, went home, and then lost my mind, got on camera and was like freaking out about it.

Like, you guys, these eyeshadows are only $2. They're like basically like Mac. They're the same size. They have so many colors. For reference, what was, what of like a Mac eyeshadow cost? $14 at the time. I don't know what they are now. They were $14 and there's $2.2. And that's the thing to like side all. is everything good that's ever happened in my career and in my life has always come from such an organic place for me. Yeah. So it's like I started YouTube not knowing there was money to be made

and then I made a ton of money doing it. Yeah. I got on camera freaking out about these eyes shadows and then that became the morphie times Jacqueline Hill business became the biggest business for both my best friend and myself that I've ever seen. You know what I mean? Yeah. So it's like, but everything always started off of such an organic place of love. So that's why anytime someone's like, what's your best piece of advice? I'm like, don't get into to it for the money. Don't do anything. If your heart's in it, do it. No matter if the price tag is big or small, the money follows the passion. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I've learned. Yeah. Great advice. Yeah. So what was that time like? Because I feel like I've seen like videos of like the stores or like

like you just like I'm sure it was just like freaking madness during that time. It was madness. It was madness. He came in at the tail end of like that era of like the Jacqueline Morphy era. And it was actually insane. Like I couldn't wrap my head around it. I remember they were opening Morpies stores in all these different malls. And they were bringing one to Tampa, which is, you know, like our home base. Like everybody knows. Jacqueline's from Tampa. She was so anxious about it that she did not post about the ribbon cutting until 24 hours before.

And still the entire, there was like 10,000 people just lined up in the mall. They were everywhere standing on the pretzel stand on the second. It was just in. I was just like, who is this? You were there for that. Yeah, I was there for that, but I was just like, what the hell? What did I sign up for? It was such a surreal moment because when I was cutting the ribbon, I could see the Nordstrom

that I put in my two weeks notice to do YouTube. Shut up. So it was like in my peripherals as I'm cutting that ribbon, it was just a sea of people. And I could see Nordstrom. And I was so emotional. I cut the ribbon. And then I went back and cried so hard. I'm like, oh my God, this is crazy.

Like I literally worked at that Nordstrom right there at the mat counter and put in my two weeks. taking a chance on myself to do YouTube full-time, and here I am a few years later. Insane. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Beauty changed my life. Makeup changed my life.

So at what point... Thank you, Grandma. Literally. Thank you, Grandma. Mary June. Mary June. Stop. I know.

It's a great grandma name. I know. It really is. Oh, God, I miss her. Okay, I don't know if you guys knew this, but electrolyte deficiency or imbalance can cause headaches, cramps, fatigue, brain and fond. and weakness, and I don't have time for that. And I know you sure as heck don't have time for that either. That's why I rely on Element. It is a zero-sugar electrolyte drink. And I'm sure you guys have seen it.

It's the L-M-N-T. The branding is just spot on. I love it. But I don't drink water well. I have to like force myself to stay on top of how much water I should be consuming. And that's why I rely on element to help me drink that water because they have some amazing flavors and the water just tastes good. And there are so many benefits to electrolytes. It helps you maintain steady energy. You can improve your cognitive function. Fewer headaches, fewer muscle cramps, better performance. It supports fessing, supports a low carb diet. It helps regulate digestion, keeps your skin hydrated. You can get better sleep. I could keep going, but I think you're getting the point. If you guys have not tried Element yet, you truly need to, and you can get the free Element

sample pack with any purchase at DrinkElement.com slash squeeze. Also try the new element sparkling, a bold 16 ounce can of sparkling electrolyte water, which I love because I love sparkling water. But yes, go to Drink Element. That's Drink L M-T dot com slash Squeeze. You guys, let's get hydrated together. Go and get yours today. What if a shoe can infinitely enhance your day? I know. That's a big sentence, but what if it could? Well, introducing Vionic Walk Max sneaker for him and her. This is the perfect all day wear shoe while you're saying active or just on the everyday go. You guys, I feel like it is so hard to find a sneaker that is both comfy and cute and just like good for everyday use. And that's why I absolutely love Vionic. I have these shoes in white and they are super cute. They're comfortable and they're truly just like the all-around perfect sneaker.

Something that I love is they are water repellent and we travel a lot. We are going to London soon and it gets pretty rainy there. So that's why I'm really excited to bring these shoes and I don't have to worry about it. Another thing that I love is a good online shopping experience. I love to online shop and I feel like sometimes these websites, man, they just, they just don't have a going on. They don't know what they're doing. But shopping on Bionics website truly is the easiest thing. It's a beautiful website. It's very aesthetic and they make it so easy to shop. I love it. You need to go check out their website. It's great. You can use code squeeze at checkout for 15% off your entire order

at www.bionicshoes.com. When you log into your account, this is a one-state. time use only vionic shoes, wearable well-being for your feet. Okay, let's talk about the lipsticks. Yes. Or that was that your first, was that your first solo launch or what, what had you done before? Okay. Yes, ma'am. Tell me, give me those details because I don't know I got you. I had only done collabs up until my lipstick. I worked on my lipstick. I want to say for five years, I put money aside for five years. I mean, from the time I started making like substantial money, like more than just what my bills required. I was putting money to the side because I wanted to create my own line.

That was like a pipe dream for me when I worked at Mac. I'm like, it would be so dope to one day like create my own blushes. Like, oh my God. Like that was such a far out dream. Yeah. That would be like me now dreamy of going to space. Like it's just never going to happen, but like how cool. Yeah.

So I was just putting money aside, putting money aside. I started. So when I met Linda for the first time at the Morphy store, the reason that was in California was to go interview different labs. So that's what I was doing there. Okay. And then I didn't launch my own cosmetic brand to like five or six years later. So that's how long it took me.

And as I'm meeting with these labs, I'm gaining more and more followers, millions and millions and more people, higher engagement, higher sales. And I'm seeing my sales through morphie. And I'm seeing like the power that I had of talking about a product. And I'm like, oh my God, how am I going to do this? Like I started off, you know, I was originally told it's going to cost $80,000 to launch the lipstick that you want to launch. I'm like, okay, okay, $8,000 for a business.

Okay. Well, then, you know, within five years, they're like, it's going to be more like $1.6 million because we're looking at my sales and how much I'm selling. So, like, when I would talk about, you know, product with Morphy, we would see how much would come in in sales. And I'm like, oh, my God. And if it's my own brand, what's it going to be?

So I invested my own money and started my own brand. And I got partners, okay? Got partners right before we launched. Thank God. and launched my lipstick, which then became the biggest cancellation in the beauty community, I would think. Yeah, that was just like... There was a crack in the earth, in my earth, in my world.

It was, but the reason why is because it went beyond beauty. Like, I had friends and acquaintances that I hadn't talked to in years that were sending me memes about her and her lipstick. Like, it was so big that it just, like, it was beyond beauty. Right. Truly. It was huge. Like people who weren't even in the makeup space were making videos about her.

Right. Yeah. So don't get it twisted. We're talking about this light right now because we just talked about a subject on the last episode that was so real. Yeah. You know what I mean? And so much heavier than this that now I'm able to talk about this in a light way. Yeah.

But don't get it twisted. This was the darkest time of my entire life. and he says the darkest time of his. Yeah, for sure. I always say when people ask me that, and they're like, what's the hardest thing you've ever dealt with? Well, my brother dying

was the hardest thing I've ever dealt with, but the hardest thing I've ever gone through, by far her lipsticks. Because at that point, we have been dating for like a little less than a year, maybe around a year. And, you know, it was amazing. And those lipsticks, dude,

when that whole thing went down, I literally lost her. She got lost in it. It was just like, she just went into this, like, insane depression because it was just like everything that she had worked for just literally crashed. Yeah. And it lasted for a couple of years. Yeah. So for a newbie like me.

Yeah. Can you fill me in on what happened? Yes. So I worked on my lipstick for years, okay? Like, redoing formulas, changing colors. I'm like, I just want it to be so perfect. Like, I know that I'm going to sell so many. they have to be perfect. I'm such a perfectionist. Keep in mind at this point of my life,

I had basically not even ever done a sponsorship or a brand partnership. I think I'd done a total of two my entire career. I did one with Alta and I did one with an eyelash company. And that's it. I literally did not take sponsorships or partnerships because I just wanted my audience to know how authentic I was. I remember loving a blush, like loving this one blush. And I, company reached out to me, the company of this blush reached out to me and offered me a huge amount of money to talk about this blush. Even though I loved it, I turned it down. Because I'm like, just my audience knowing that they're paying me to talk about it, it's going to come off unauthentic. And they're not going to believe me. And my audience believing in me has always been

my number one thing. Yeah. To the point that I did not even monetize my videos for several years on YouTube, which is actually insane. Yeah. But I did not monetize and put ads in my videos for like four years because I didn't want people to think that the only reason I was posting a YouTube video is just for the money and just for the ad clicks. So that's where my head was at. Can you tell I'm a people pleaser? And I really want my audience to know how authentic I am. I'm also, I've always been so grateful for this job and the income that comes with it that I'm like, it's okay. I don't have to make that much money because I just want my audience to like believe in me and trust me so that there's longevity in this career. Yeah. So with that being said, I was so particular.

about these lipsticks being perfect, okay? And they weren't. Long story short, we launched with hundreds of thousands of skews. We sold hundreds of thousands of skews and there was defects in them. There was air bubbles in some. There was little white fuzzies on some. They just, they weren't perfect. After, you know, my team did a deep dive on everything, factually what happened was two percent of of them were considered defective, but that 2% was so loud on the internet that you would think that I released like 5 million lipsticks covered in hair. It got so bad. There were so many videos of people talking about these, claiming that there was animal hair in them, that there was feces in them, that there was mold in them, that they were making people sick. Glass, plastic,

like. And I could not turn on my phone without seeing something about me. And it was wasn't just about the lipstick. People took it to such a place. People were digging into my father being like, oh, well, he was a narcissist and she's just like her father. She's a narcissist just like him. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. And they were digging into my mom and trying to talk bad about me as a daughter and talk bad about me as a sister. I mean, it just, it was not just about makeup. Like it became so brutal. It was nothing short of online bullying. But don't get me wrong. Some of them were defective, period, 100%. And what drove me crazy internally is I never was able to get to the bottom of it. I'm not a chemist. I'm not in the lab making these lipsticks.

Yeah. Taylor's like, wait, what? This is the part where I'm confused. Yeah, give it to me. I get how this would, you know, hurt and destroy you. But I don't, do people think you purposely did this? Yes. Yes. Okay. That's interesting. Do people think that you are the person in the factories, like in charge of everything? Yes. That's where I'm confused. And that's the biggest thing about the industry that our dear friend is in is it is an unforgiving. Yeah.

No, like, I just feel like the makeup world is just like for some reason. It's the Wild West. Have you ever heard the beauty community is the ugliest one? I haven't, but that's true. It's like a very known thing. It's sad. Okay, so that's a thing. Because in my mind, I'm going, recalls on cars all the time. Well, there's, you know, like, freaking food. Like, things go wrong. And it doesn't destroy companies.

Yeah. It's normal. Well, it was very hard because, obviously, I'm not a chemist. I'm not in a lab. I was speaking to him on the phone nonstop. Keep in mind that the lab that I labed at was a impeccable lab. If you knew, if you knew cosmetic labs and I told you the name, you'd be like, what, like, everybody who makes makeup in the industry knows behind the scenes who I lab with, and they're shocked. They're like, I'm sorry, they're the ones that this happened with, like, how? Because everybody makes makeup there. Yeah. So it's not like I was working with some back alley lab, you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, I mean, just knowing you, too, like, I know you would, like, you are perfectionist and you do. Yeah, and my team was perfectionist. My investors were perfectionists, you know? So I talked to the owner. I'm talking to the chemist, and everyone's like,

No, there's not mold. It is scientifically impossible. And I'm like, well, there's this video with 6 million views where they test it. And they are saying that there is mold in these lipsticks. And I'm losing my mind. They're like, it is scientifically. The chemists are laughing. They're like, these people aren't chemists.

There's no mold in this. And they're laughing. And they're like, just don't watch those videos. I'm like, you don't get it. This is my whole world right now. Yeah. This is everything I've ever wanted. Everything I've ever saved for.

Yeah. Is being destroyed by this perception. Yeah. of the internet. And I think for you and for the people who, like, aren't familiar with this era and what was going on, the landscape at that time of the beauty community was crazy because there were these things called gossip channels that were, like, very, very pop-in at the time. And they were basically, like, people who would, you know, report everything.

Report on stuff, but not everything is factual, right? There's a lot as is the regular news. There's assumptions. There's theories. And these things are... getting just as many views, if not more, than the people that the videos are made about. You know what I mean? It's controversy.

So it's like every single day we're getting, you know, we pop up YouTube and it's like new gossip channel videos and they're all just ripping her to pieces and the comments are ripping her to pieces. And like, not for nothing, but like, Jacqueline is not a public speaker. She's not a chemist. She'll sit here and tell you. She's like, I am not meant to be a business. woman or a business owner. So when you've got somebody who's panicked because their product

update, they've just spent the last five, six years, you know, working on it's their baby. They launch it. And then it literally gets shot down like this. You know, she's in a panic herself because she doesn't have the answers and she's relying on, you know, partners and lab people and all these other people to get these answers. And she's just relaying the message to her followers in a panic. You know, if we could go back in time, I think both of us would agree that if she had just paused and been like, hey, give me a couple weeks. Let me get to the bottom of this. Things would have went a lot differently, but because there was just this like panic and people demanding answers and all these crazy videos. Like, dude, there were, there were videos where people were like had her lipsticks. They would sit them down and they were wearing hazmat suits with microscopes.

Like that they took it that far. And these things were getting millions and millions of views. And she's just sitting on the couch bawling her eyes out, dude. I mean, scream crying. Yeah. Yeah, I imagine that's a pretty, like, hopeless feeling of not. You know, you know the quality and the standard and everything that you've put into this product. And you know, the actual facts. But meanwhile, you know, you can say the facts and post as many videos as you want.

They're going to watch what they want to watch and believe what they want to believe. And just so you know, Taylor, I did give a full refund to every single person who, purchased my lipsticks. You refunded all lipstick. Every penny. Every single penny. People were in my DMs all non-stop. Please do not refund me. I love my lipstick. I'm so happy with them. Please restock. I want more. I'm almost out. And I refunded everybody and everyone. My investors were like, this is going to hurt us so bad. This is our first launch and you want to take this kind of hit. I'm like, correct. Because I was in such a panic mode. So panicked. I'm like, every single. person is getting a refund. I can't sleep at night. Yeah. You know? Wow. And it didn't help that we were so

detached in the sense of like business was going on in California and we lived on the other side of the country. You know what I mean? So it's like we're just on phone calls and waiting. And it was just, dude, it was, it was a nightmare. It was so bad. It was so awful. And then I shut down all my social media for 30 days. I was going to ask. That's how I responded, which was so, I want to say stupid because I don't want to be mean to that version of me, but I just would never do that now. Yeah. But I shut down my social media for 30 days because, I mean, I'm telling you, I could not log on to any app. I wouldn't go searching for it. Just getting on any app just in general. I mean, I was trending on Twitter. Everything. It's just, and so I've said many times that that was the hardest thing ever went through and people are like, she's so selfish. She says that that's the hardest thing she ever went through even though she's been through loss and she's been through death. And I'm like, yeah, it's the hardest thing I've been through. Millions of people, thousands upon thousands, hundreds of thousands. people are not just telling me I did something bad in business, but they're telling me I'm a piece of shit. I'm a liar. They're calling me every name you can possibly think of. The nastiest things

you can say about a person, I was being told about myself every single time I turned on my phone. If I went to YouTube just to go search up a recipe, I would have to see first the front page being videos about Jacqueline Hill being a scumbag. Jackalyn Hill being a narcissist just like her father. It's just like nonstop. So the way that would affect you to the point that Jordan's friends and him were at a at a movie theater. A local movie theater. And there's a bar at this movie theater. And they were talking to the bartender.

So we had actually at this point in time, we lived in Beverly Hills. We were getting some work done on our house. And we were like, let's go to Beverly Hills. And we'll collab with people and get work done while they finish the house. So I was going back and forth because I still have my business back home. And I had met up with my friends. And I was like, oh, let's go catch a movie while I'm in town. So we were at this movie theater and we were sitting at the bar.

And it's the same movie theater that, you know, she had rented out the entire room for like all of our family and friends to go watch a premiere. I know we did it for like end game and Aladdin. So I love it. Yeah. So it was like our local movie theater. And we were sitting at the bar and I remember it was for the American Influencer Awards because I had flown back to get my tucks done. Yeah. And we were talking about it.

And the bartender at the bar was like, what are you talking about? I was like, oh, we're doing this red carpet, me and my wife for the American influencer awards. And he goes, yo, that's crazy. There's an influencer that used to come into this movie theater all the time. And I was like, oh, yeah. He's like, yeah. She used to like rent the theater route.

She thought she was the shit. But, dude, she launched this makeup thing and it completely crashed and burned. And now she's a nobody. And I was just like looking at him. I was like, dang. And I was like, that's my feeling. And he was just like, but it's like, dude, the bartender at our movie theater was talking about. You know what I mean?

And it's just like, it was insane. That was the impact of that. I still tipped them 20% by the way. Period. And that's my man. That's just the kind of man he is. Oh, my. Okay.

I have, I have two questions. One for you and then one for you. This refund thing is crazy to me. I'm trying to process that in my brain. That is, wow. The business in Taylor right now is literally panicking. I know. It's a lot of people's reactions.

Do you stand by that decision? If you had it all over again, would you do that same thing? Oh, it's such a hard question, and I've never actually thought about that. I would say no, because I would change the way I did every, every single thing. If I was forced to go relive that moment and launch those same lipsticks, I would change everything. So I would say no. I probably would not do that refund. Okay.

I would have taken that money and I would have continued to create incredible products, which we did. But it was very hurtful and impactful to the company, as you can imagine. Yeah, yeah. And I would have done things differently. I also would not have just relied on my whole team to tell me what you do. I would have been like, hey, I am actually the boss. I'm going to like stop and reflect and figure this out with my followers.

And I would have done things differently for sure. Okay. Yeah. I mean, the people please are in you. You just, you don't want to let anyone down. Yeah. So you panicked. I was also not clear-minded during this.

time. This is when my drinking picked up like that. This is when I went from like fun. Let's like party on the weekends to raging consumptions of alcohol, like breakfast. 8 a.m. waking up vodka orange juice immediately all day, every day. So how the hell was I making these decisions in a state of mind like that? I'm panicked. Everything I'd ever worked for and dreamt of was crashing to the ground. The internet thought I was a piece of shit. And I'm just filling my body with vodka all day long. Like, it's not the place to be making decisions on refunding $2 million. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.

We can get back to my question for Jordan later. I wanted to talk more about your drinking and about that time and just like, was it like, I guess what was your drinking prior? Because I think it was, you kind of touched on it. It was more just like what everyone does when they're young and drinking is just going out, you know, with your friends and doing it that way. Yeah, I guess can you bring us a little more into like what that day-to-day looked like when it started picking up? Absolutely. I started drinking during my divorce in a fun way. Okay. Because when I was married to my ex, I did not really drink. I did a little bit here and there, very, but towards the end I started drinking because I started being like, I want to have a good time. I want to enjoy my life.

Yeah. And so when I was going through my divorce, I started partying. there was nothing concerning. No one was like, I'd take a girl's trip to Vegas, I'd party, I'd drink, what I mean? Have friends over on the weekends, swim in the pool, like, whoa, have a good time, drink, you know? Yeah. Start dating him. He wasn't a big drinker at all.

I went to college, so I got all my drinking out of the way. And then my brother died from it. So I was just kind of like jaded, had my own unhealthy relationship with alcohol in the sense of like I just did not want to touch it at all. So after your brother passed, you, because I feel like people either go one way or the other. Right. Right. Like you were the one that was like, I don't want to mess with that. Yeah.

Yeah. Because in college, I partied. Like we went out all the time, drank, dorm parties, all that. So it's like I had. Normal college party. Yeah. 100%. Yeah.

And then obviously he passed. And then I just got jaded towards alcohol in general. and it just, I would still drink, but it was more like on a special occasion type vibe. Okay. Yeah. And when he met me, that wasn't like an issue. Like, my drinking was not a problem, you know, I just would drink to have fun. He would be there with me.

He'd have a drink or two. I'd have a few drinks and it was just a good, normal, jolly old time. It was nothing to be concerned about. Yeah. And that's how it was for a while. That's that. And then lipstick happened. And I mean, it was overnight.

Like overnight, it was like, oh, I don't understand this mindset looking back on it. I'm like, girl, because I thought that it was helping and numbing me. Right. Made things so much worse. The weed. Yeah. Oh, I thought, when you said the weed, I thought she meant like marijuana. I was like, I wasn't smoking weed.

No. A metaphorical. Our metaphorical weed. You, yeah, you would have been the weed whipper. Yes. In that situation. Correct. And like I said, I was just drinking all day, every day.

And you can see that period of my life, not to make it about physical, but let's get real. I mean, I just bloated and got so inflamed and gained so much weight so quickly. I mean, you guys, during that time, the amount of alcohol that I was drinking, you know, like a handle of Tidos, the big one. I was going through one handle in like three days. Oh, my gosh. And a handle would be two full bottles. Something like that. A lot.

A lot. Right. Yeah, that freaking big thing. Yeah. So that's why I referenced this time of my life when I say it was the hardest time of my life. Like I don't want to like say a trigger word, but I'll just say I did not want to live at that point.

I was genuinely, I remember telling my mom, don't worry about me because I'm not going to do it, but I pray every single night that I don't wake up the next day. I was that's where I was at. Yeah. And I'm able to talk about it now in a more lighthearted way because I've healed from it. And we like I said, we talked about something so much bigger in hindsight on the last episode. But that's where I was at. I mean, I just, I did not care to live anymore.

That's where it put me. I was like everything I've ever wanted and hoped for. I just saw my life being over at 30 years old. It was just like. Yeah. Yeah. Two things. So one, while I feel like this is just like a great point to bring up, while she's going

through all this. You know, she did put on like a ton of weight and it became a parent, but it's like not only were people calling her out on that, but now all these videos are coming up being like Jacqueline Hills face full of filler. And it's just like, and I'm just like, oh, it. And we're not saying anything because right, if you acknowledge it, it gets bigger. But I'm just like, oh my God, this girl is going through so much. And now she's got these videos online of like plastic surgeons diagnosing. Yeah, clearly you can see here. She had filler. put in her cheeks. And I'm just like, you gotta be kidding. Botox gone wrong. That's why she looks like a chipmunk. And it's like, here I am, like on the verge of dying from how much alcohol

I'm consuming. And now they're calling me fat. Yeah. And I think another week, because some people might listen to this and watch this and just be like, but just turn YouTube off. But at this point in Jacqueline's life, like, we had been dating not that long. So Jacqueline Hill online, was Jacqueline. Yeah. Like she did, her identity was not, there was not like online Jacqueline and Jacqueline in real life. So like watching her image get burned to the ground was actually like.

Yeah. It was her. Yeah. So now there's a healthy balance there. In retrospect, that would have been nice at the time. But yeah, dude, like she was literally watching like the death of herself unfold online. And it just sent her into this like spiraling depression. It was insane.

I feel like we are all in our wellness era. I constantly am seeing my friends online, people that I follow, just posting about wellness, whether it be working out, eating healthy, using sunscreen, just truly taking care of ourselves this summer. And something that I've been using this summer and many summers, honestly, every season of my life for the past couple of years is Seeds D.S. Daily Symbiotic. You guys, I cannot recommend a product more if you followed me. If you've listened to this podcast, I have said it many times. I've said the same sentence many times and I'm going to keep saying the same sentence because the differences that I've seen in my body from Seeds, DSO1, daily symbiotic, has been insane. I've truly been taking it for years and it has changed my life, like, truly. my digestion is just so much better. My skin is so much better. It's crazy what one little pill can do. It's so easy to fit into your routine. I take mine every morning. And I would just recommend seed over other products because it actually works. Like the differences when I had it were noticeable within a week. Like it's just, it's crazy what this product does. And if you're struggling with any digestion,

regularity problems, skin problems. You guys need to try this product out. It is something that I recommend truly everyone that I come into contact with. My family is on it because I've made them get on it and they love it. My friends have started taking it because of me. It's truly just such a great product. So support your gut the summer with seeds DS01 daily symbiotic. You can go to seed.com slash the squeeze and use code 25 the squeeze to get 25% off your first month. That's 25% off your first month of Seeds DS01 daily symbiotic at seed.com slash the squeeze code 25 the squeeze. For you, um, you know, being the, we're, no, no, you guys were just dating at that point. Yeah. But being the partner to somebody and watching them go through something like that,

what did life look like for you during that time? Because I am. imagine you also felt pretty hopeless. Oh, yeah. And just not being able to protect and save her in that moment. I literally couldn't do anything. Like, I was jumping on, like, the calls with, you know, the labs and the partners and trying to help. But, like, outside of that, the fallout that she was dealing with, like, online and

in her life, there literally was nothing that I could do besides just, like, be there. you know what I mean? Because I don't want to say like my words fell on deaf ears, but it's like she had to go through the grief, right? Because at the end of the day, that's what it was. It was just extreme grief. And it's like she had to go through that on herself. And she would always ask me, like, why are you with me?

Why are you with me? Every day. Yeah. And she was like, I don't know why you're with me. And I always told her like, I even made a video for her one year of sobriety. I was going to tell the story. Yeah. where I was just like, I always told you, like, you'll be back.

You'll be back. Because honestly, before the lipsticks happened, the life that, like, I got to experience with her as my partner was just like the love, the relationship, the laughs, the deepness. It was just like so beautiful. It was like storybook. And it got snatched away from both of us. And I always knew, like, hey, this is temporary. And although it's bad right now, and like, you know, God forbid her career is over, like she will eventually come out of this and I'll have that girl back. You know what I mean? Like, it wasn't about the career for me. It was about who Jacqueline was inside. Yeah. And I just always told her like, I know you don't feel this right now, but you'll be back. I promise you'll be back. Wow.

In my video that he made last week, which they were a partner. You guys sent in such a sweet, beautiful clip. Jacqueline recently celebrated one year of sobriety. We'll get into it. We'll get into it. But he said that in the video. He said, I've always told you that you'll be back and you're back and you're better than ever. I bawled my eyes out.

I asked him every night of our lives for like three years, why are you with me? I'm so fat. I bring nothing to the table and I'm, everyone hates me. Why are you with me? And he's like, because you'll be back. is a hard time. And one day I'm going to go through a hard time. I know I will. And I know that you love me enough to sit through this just like I am. Wow. Yeah. I, this man really. Yeah. It was tough, dude. And, you know, I'll say this. Like, there's a silver lining and everything, right? And

although that was miserable to go through for, I mean, me as her partner, just watching her have to go through everything and obviously more for her. But like, we genuinely pulled so many gems out of that storm. 100%. Just separating her internet life versus her real life, like making that boundary mentally, you know? And just like all the retrospect, like I grew up. I had to grow up so much. Like those two years, I swear I matured 20 years. Like that changed me in a completely different way.

Yeah. You know? And there's, I mean, there's so many little things that I could say that came out of that. But yeah, dude, it was, it was really a crazy time. And like, I'm so happy that chapter is closed. But it was, it was insane. Yeah. Like, on my deathbed, I'll remember that era because it was terrible. Yeah. What was the turning point for you that made you stop drinking? I looked at myself in the mirror and I did not recognize myself physically and emotionally. I I had become someone that I hated. I'd become someone that I, you know, previously in life would have

judged. I'm like, if I was not me right now and I did not, like, if I was not walking in my shoes, I would be looking at me being like, get it together. Like, I would not want to be friends with me right now. Yeah. I felt all that so deeply and I hit my rock bottom. I hit that point where I'm like, what am I doing? Like, this is just, you know, and as it goes back to like, I, I always think about this. have to choose your hard, right? Like drinking every day, gaining weight, being just like so inflamed. It's hard, right? It's so hard. Quitting drinking, deciding to get up and go on a long walk and work out. It's hard. So which hard do you want? Like choose your hard, which one? Because it's, this is, this is not easy. Me sitting here in this depression and sulking and not taking care of

myself. This is not easy. So why am I doing this? So I was like, I'm going to choose a different version of hard. And it was extremely difficult. Yeah. Extremely. I was going to ask, because you've talked about how, like, when you first stopped, you were just going to do it for a month, right? Yeah. And then you got a month and you were like, I'm going to do it for three months. Yeah. And then you got three months and you said, I want to go for a year. Yep. How difficult was that first? Because it's, I imagine the first month is terrible. And even the first three months is terrible. So what within you was like, this is so terrible that I'm going to go for it. Right. Okay. So first of all, I want to say, I was very strongly advised by people to not tell my audience how much I was drinking. I was

very strongly advised. Like, don't open up about this. Don't consider it an alcohol problem. You know, say, I was just having a glass of wine a night. Keep it light. And I'm like, what? Like, But that's not the truth. And I've always been so authentic with my audience. Like, what? Yeah. And so at first, I kind of took that approach. I wanted to be, like, careful about it online.

Yeah. And now that I'm a year into it, I'm like, you guys are going to know everything. Because now I'm aware of how many people struggle in a very real, very deep way with alcohol. And at the end of the day, we're all playing with fire. Like, alcohol is poison. I'm sorry. And I'm saying this as someone who thoroughly enjoyed being drunk and buzz and all the things. But, like, you are playing with fire.

It's poison. It's not good for. you. It makes you feel great in the moment. It feel like shit the next day. It's so highly addictive. It screws up your brain. And yet we're all doing it for fun. You know? So it's like, let's have a real conversation. Let's talk about this. And I think that our generation is like the first generation to really have open conversation about like, I'm drinking mocktails. I'm detoxing my body. The brain clarity that I'm having, the way it's helping my anxiety, the way it's helping me sleep. I'm getting better workouts in. It's like, I am so proud to be in this generation because like we're so health conscious and the best way

possible. What? I'm just so proud of you. Thank you, baby. You're so sweet. You're looking at me. I'm like, oh, stop looking at me. I forgot I was saying because I saw that looking at eyes. She's got the butterflies. I take it a little butterfly. Anyways, what was the question? Just how what that first, like months, that first couple months were like for you and what made you want to keep going? So I was trying to hide that first month a little bit. I only like, document. in certain parts because that first month was insane. It was so hard.

The night that I decided, I poured out the bottle of up titos and I was like, we're done. Because at that point, I was genuinely only having a couple of drinks a night, like two, two cocktails a night. And I was like, I'm ready. I'm done. I was right after my birthday. I felt like alcohol ruined my birthday and ruined my trip to New York. And I was like, I watched a Jay Shetty podcast with Tom Holland.

And I was so inspired by the way Tom Holland spoke about sobriety. Yeah. It was such an attractive outlook on life. I was like, I want to feel that so bad, and I know I can. Yeah. And I used to always tell Jordan, like, I miss who I used to be. And I want to get that girl back so bad, but I didn't see a light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah.

I was like, let's just try this out for a month. Yeah. And it took everything. I mean, I was drinking, you know, there's this drink beam. Do you guys know beam? I was drinking that every single night to help me to sleep. I was taking melatonin baths. I was working out twice a day, going on walks, going and getting in hit workouts, making myself sweat.

I mean, I was doing the absolute most to wear myself out, to calm. myself down and then I wanted to go just a couple of nights and then I'm like a couple nights nights and I'm like I'm going a full week and Jordan's like you are? I'm like yeah I'm going a full week and he was like so impressed. Yeah I was hype. I was like, I used to do this all the time. I used to go a whole week and not even think about alcohol so I'm going to do it now and I wanted to go a month and he's like a whole month and then I went to my therapist. Yep. She was like I want you to go a whole year. Oh. And I was like I will be damned and she was like I want you to go a whole year because you're going to be shocked. She's like, if you go one year, you're going to look back at two

and three months and be like, wow, I was still so weak compared to now. And she was like, just try, try it, go a whole year. So I did go a whole year. I text my therapist back in Tampa and told her, I was like, today's the one year mark. Oh my gosh. Oh. She's, her text was so beautiful, so sweet. Wow. And just like, I can't believe I did it. But it was really her that pushed me to do that. And that's why I'm such a huge advocate for therapy. It's like sometimes you need that outside party just to like really kick your ass. Yeah. And be like, listen, it's cute that you want to go a month or two, but like, you're going to go a whole year. She's like, if you really love yourself that much, you're going to go a whole year. And now that I'm here, I'm so grateful that I did not give in at

three months or four months or five months because my relationship and outlook on alcohol now is so different than it was six, seven months ago. Yeah. And now I'm genuinely like, I do not need it. I don't desire it. I don't care about it. We're done. Yeah. I think it's also worth mentioning she's not giving herself the credit that she needs to. But during that whole era where she was like drinking a lot and going through the lipsticks, she also dealt with like massive anxiety. Like it like didn't get out of bed for days type anxiety. And it's like, again, we bring up the weed because, you know, people ask me, she asked me like,

how come it didn't bother you? Like, you know, your brother passed away from alcohol abuse and like, I know, I'm drinking a lot. Because I saw, I was like, there's a root to this. Like, you're not just drinking because you like alcohol or you like to be drunk. Like, there's a root cause to this. And in order for her to get to the point where she was only at a couple of drinks a night and then pour the bottle out, she had to put in so much work on herself. She, the thing, I say it all the time, the thing that saved her life was neurofeedback.

There was a neurofeedback office that was a few minutes away from our house. and like she was so anxious at that point that she couldn't even leave the house. So the fact that it was just around the corner, she started going. And then that was basically her attacking anxiety head on, right? Like that's what helped her balance her brain out, get over the anxiety, like work through that.

And like when she got to that point, then she started exercising. And it's like then she started sewing into herself, taking care of herself. And she probably did a minimum year of that work before she even got to the point where she was like, I'm done.

So it was like a year, year and a half of just her putting in work on herself, eating clean, dieting in order to get to the point where she could be like, I'm done drinking. Got it. So, I mean, it was, yeah, there's a lot more to it. Like you put in so much more work than you give yourself credit for. Right. Thanks, baby. Seriously.

No, that's why I say it all the time. I'm like, you're a champion. Like, you're such a beast. Thank you. And here we are. You did it. You celebrate. I did. I can't believe it, actually.

My former self is like, what? A year without alcohol? Oh, my God. Insane. George, what's the biggest change you have seen in Jacqueline since sobriety? When I tell you, she is a different person. She's a different person, you know? It was all consuming at one point, you know, and it's just, it's not like that anymore. If I look at the very end of when she was drinking, a couple cocktails a night, which I think a lot of people can relate to, you know, oh, hard day at work. I'm going to go have a glass of whiskey at the bar.

I'm going to go have a couple beers when I get home. Like, that's the American standard, I feel like, you know? I would say the biggest difference in her is her excitement to live. Yeah. It's like she wakes up every day with a sparkle in her eye and a fire under her ass, which just was not like that, even when it's a couple drinks. You know what I mean? And she's just so happy, dude.

Like, she's happy. She's thriving. She's just, she's Jacqueline. She's back to, I could ball my eyes out right now. Sweet angel. Yeah, she's back to herself, you know? I love you. Oh, I love you so much.

I love you. I want to say, oh, Taylor. I want to say. That for me, I know you didn't ask me, but I'm going to chime in so that he doesn't start crying too hard. I just want to say that this past year, the biggest difference in myself that I've noticed is you can't cancel me now. That's a bar. I'm being serious. I didn't mean for it to come off like that.

But genuinely, that you can make any videos you want and make as much money off of, you know, hating on me and speculating and whatever. or maybe, because guess what? I have the option to shut down all my social medias and walk away. And I did literally not see that as an option ever. My entire identity was in my online presence. And now my entire identity has nothing to do with that. That's something that I choose to do. I love my loyal followers. I'm so excited to share recommendations with them and have that online community and that presence. But I genuinely no longer look. I don't care. You have something to say about me. You don't know me. You can't cancel me. And if it gets really dark online and affects my mental health. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. I have a savings account. I'm here

because I want to be. Yeah. And the next thing I do, I'll do it because I want to be. I want to be doing it. And that's it. And that's growth. And I'm the happiest I've ever been online, ever. I love what I do now. You can tell. I feel like you just, because obviously before this, I was watching some of your older YouTube videos. And I like, I'm not just saying, like, I genuinely feel like you can tell. Like, you can just, there is that sparkle in your like you're like you're present and you're here and you're like excited about it. Thank you. It makes me so happy.

It's really. And it's not fake this time. It was fake for so many years. So many years. Yeah. Quick little thing that, something that you've shared is like, you know, there's a big misconception about like, you know, something you've struggled with was like, am I still going to be fun if I quit drinking?

Like I don't want to, like, I don't want to, you know, not be fun. And I feel like that's something a lot of people can relate. late too. What advice would you give to someone that is battling? Like they want to quit drinking. They want to be sober, but they have that thought in their head. I am going to be so real, like a big older sister would be and not fluff it up. You probably won't be as fun for a while. Okay. And that's okay. That's why do you need to feel, why do you feel the need to show up and be the most fun person in the room? Why is it your job to entertain your friends? Yeah. Are they only friends with you because you're entertaining? Because you're fun, because you're funny.

You don't have to have this jolly old time all the time. You can take a month or two off and cry out and feel your pain and heal your wounds and not have as much fun and not be as fun for the long term goal. Right? Yeah. I was not as fun at first. I was not. I was not a good time. I lost a lot of friends because of that. You know, I said it.

I did like a Q&A on my story this week and I said it. You know, not everybody wants the best for you. They just want to have fun with you. And that's okay. They're in your life for a season and that's okay. But you probably won't be as fun there for a while. But I now have more fun than I ever had. I still consider myself to be the life of the party.

I show up. I karaoke until 3 o'clock in the morning. I dance my ass off. I sweat my makeup off. And I wake up the next morning and I can go to Pilates at 8 a.m. if I want because it feels so good. Yeah. That's so true. But it took a while to get there. Yeah. So that was just the not being fun part was just. Yeah. It's a period in time. And now you're through that. Exactly. Yeah. You definitely still are the life.

I was going to say. I mean, in the best way. In the best way. It's very much a butterfly moment. You know what I mean? You go into that cocoon and you got to rebuild. You've got to recreate yourself. He's just over here with his bars. And he's just, now I'm a butterfly. Fly. Like, yes, me. Fly, just fly. No, seriously. It was like that four or five, six month mark.

It's like she just came out of her shell. And it was just like, holy, she's back. Right. She's back. I went to Ireland to go film Next Level Chef. And when I left at that point, she had gone two months without a drink. And then when I came back, she had lost like 10 or 15 pounds. In five weeks.

And just looked like insanely different, behaved insanely. differently different. I was just like, whoa. I know he could have stopped talking about. The first two days he was home. He's just like, I can't stop looking at you. You look so different. You're behaving so different. With her only two months in, were you afraid to leave? No, I wasn't. Because at that point, she was so, like, set in her ways and she had had those conversations with her therapist. And, yeah, and she was surrounded by. He also shipped me off to Linda. So I was in California with Linda for five weeks. And Linda would never allow me to have a sip. She's like, up all the alcohol, like not on my watch, bitch.

Yeah. So I was here with her and we just literally did, we went into, did our legree every day, went on our walks, ate our healthy food. Like she supported me that whole time. Wow. Like my sister. Yeah. That's her wife.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yesterday he drove. I was about to leave with Linda and he's like, yeah. How was it put? Oh, I said, I'm leaving my husband to go to my wife's house. Funny.

That's funny. Accurate. And that's such a huge thing. And I will have to say that that is something I had to my advantage and I fully take, I own that. Like I had. Yeah. I lost a lot of people, which was hard, but I had an incredible support system. Yeah.

And so I cannot imagine how hard because I know people to have to do it, how hard it is to get through alcoholism, addiction without a support system. Like, that's a different beast. Yeah. Being able to talk to people is a huge part of it. Yeah. Yeah. That's when it, honestly, that's when you start talking about it, that's step one. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You know, because she wouldn't, she didn't talk about it at all for a long time.

No one does. There's this, that's what I'm saying. Like, it's so unfair. You, there's alcohol everywhere you go. Okay, 6 a.m. at the airport. Everyone's drinking. There's alcohol everywhere. But yet, it's not okay to get addicted to it, even though it's such a highly addicting substance. We're only supposed to use it for partying. But then once we become addicted to it and we have an issue, we have to like keep it in the closet and not talk about it. Like, what the hell is that all about? We need to be having more conversation about that. Because even if it doesn't get to the point of where it got for me, it's like, the majority of people in my life have had an alcohol issue. Yeah. But no one wants to talk about it. And no one wants to say they have a problem. Like, why? Yeah. We need to be talking about this more. Yeah. It's part of the problem.

For sure. Well, thank you for talking about it. You were literally advised not to. And here you are. I know. So thank you. Those people are no longer in my life. Bye-bye. Just going rogue. Okay. Some fun stuff.

Okay, cute. What's next for you both? Should we tell them? Imagine if I had a pregnancy announcement right now. Imagine the views. Numbers, numbers, numbers. I would literally pass away. Hey, you are a business woman.

It is the business in you. I mean, I do you have to share a little bit of, fun stuff about Jordan? Because you're literally number one fan. I am Jordan's number one fan. Aside I did from Jacqueline, obviously. Get out of here.

Yeah, sorry. I'm Jordan's number two. Can I just say really quickly? Okay, so our mutual friend, P.K., talking to the audience is the reason that we're all friends in the first place, P.K. and Mike, there was their wedding.

But he said to us last year, he's like, listen, when we're with the tailors, they are obsessed with you. And when we're with you guys, you are obsessed with them. So can you guys please just become best friends already? So funny.

He's like, we just have brief interactions, and I'm like, I love them so much. Oh, my gosh. Yes. We've made it happen. Yes. But no, Jordan is an insane chef. And I am an very amateur chef. I'm not even a chef.

I just cook for fun. But Jordan has become my go-to text message, recipe. We'll leave a link to his YouTube channel below in the description. Oh, my gosh. Because Taylor watches a lot of those videos. He's, oh, yeah, I'll just be like, have you ever made a, a whole chicken? A whole chicken. The whole chicken scallops, a New York steak sandwich.

And he's always made whatever I'm asking for. So he just sends me his YouTube video. And then is like, you know, FaceTime me and call me, you know, throughout. Yeah. And he has changed my cooking game. But he also recently was on a show called Next Level Chef. which our bestie Gordon Ramsey is on. I know.

He's like, I'm not even a chef. I'm like, yeah, Gordon's in your DM. Hi, chef. And he came in the final four as a social media chef. There's literal like Michelin Star restaurant owner chefs in this show. And Jordan, you know, cooks on social media and came in the final four on this. show. It's unbelievable and such a testament to truly how talented he is. Oh, thanks. So I'm just, you know, I'm the biggest fan of you, but I'm so excited for your future as well.

Thank you. Me too. Yeah. I guess just, what are, are there dreams, goals, hopes will you do? Make up again? So, wow, this is me speaking so candid because I'm just so comfortable here in your house. As of right now, there is nothing in the works for anything. Like right now, I'm just like, Where's the wind going to blow me? I know wherever it is. It's going to be great. We're really, really excited to start a family. Yeah.

Want to expand our dog family. Yeah. We love our homes so much, focusing on just, like, creating more, making that even more of a home by decorating. And when it created an incredibly beautiful backyard and get it ready to be just like such a safe space for babies and travel more. And I definitely am not done with makeup. Definitely. I will redo my lipstick. I will. I actually did redo them. I don't know if you saw that. I posted it on Instagram.

Oh, wait. I think I did. I did a full photo shoot and everything. Like a fully reformulated, repackaged. I redid the whole thing. Had a terrible gut feeling about it. We had one little slip up happen. I said, pull it. We're not doing this. And my team agreed with me. They're like, no. No, we're not taking a chance because it just needs to be so perfect. And the timing wasn't right. I was just still, still drinking. Still not where I wanted to be. I'm like, it's just not right. So at one point, I will launch. the redemption collection. I will launch that. And I swear, I'm going to call it that. I literally just got chills actually everywhere in my body. I'm going to. I have like a whole marketing campaign. It's going to happen. And I don't know if I'll do it on my own. And if I did it on my own, I would have partners. I'd be very honest, like, vocal about that. Because I'm, I'm, never going to, like, own my own business right out. Yeah. I just, it's not meant for me. I see

what it did to me. It might be a collaboration. I have no clue. But at one point, I do want to do that. I would love to create a perfume one day. Oh, you need to do that. That's fair handbrand for you. But I'd also be really cool with being a mom and supporting him. Like, I have, I'm in awe by how talented he is. Like, it's crazy. You guys, he did not cook when I met him.

Did not cook. Owned his own business and did filming for people and video, a video and photography. And that's it. He did not cook at all. My entire cooking journey is based on a lie that I told her. We have been dating and I was just like, oh, you know, I can cook, right? And she was just like, really? I thought it was the hottest thing.

And for some reason, it's so funny because I didn't even know what it mean. But I always used to tell people like, oh, I can make a mean eggplant parmesan because I thought it sounded so like, whoa. And my grandma used to make it. Like duck comfy. Yeah, that's what I told her. And then I just started watching YouTube videos. And I was like, oh, this could be better. And then I started like tweaking recipes that I was making from other people.

And she's like, yo, you're so. good at this, why don't you just film yourself? And I was like, absolutely not. And she's like, no, I think you should try it. So I did and here we are. Wow. Yeah. Wow. And that was only like, what, four years ago? Yeah. I was going to say in like four and a half years, you went from starting to cook for the first time to being on Team Ramsey. That's how fast it happened. That's so crazy. Yeah, dude. Like, I couldn't even cook eggs four years ago. That is nuts. I would love to sit back and watch and you're in your lane. You're like, this is where you're supposed to me. You know what's so crazy is my life, not to go too deep down a rabbit hole, but I feel like my lane changes all the time.

I'm just like a creative guy. Like it was battle rap and then it was music. And then it was like video production. Like I produced like I have like awards for commercials that I've shot. Like I used to shoot all her big campaigns. And then it was into this cooking thing. And it's like I'm really good at it. I always say I'm an entertainer first and I'm a cook second.

I just happen to be really good at cooking. cooking. Yeah. Because it's art at the end of the day. And like, I've always been an artist. And that's, I just want to cut you up really quickly. That's a difference between me and Jordan, which I actually appreciate. It's like online, I'm my true authentic self. And that is such an easy way to put yourself out there and get hurt and get canceled. Where Jordan, no one online knows who Jordan really is because he gives a persona. Yeah. Like, he's like an entertainer first. So it's like, he shows up to film and he's just stupid. He doesn't care. People in the comments are like, he's so cringe. He's like, hell yeah, I am. Ha ha ha. Because it's not really who.

who he is. Yeah. Yeah. He just shows up and acts like a fool and has a good time cooking. But like no one can hurt him because they don't know him. Yeah. Where I just like, I'm like, this is who I am. My heart and soul.

Yeah. Yeah. Love the cooking. I'm going to keep grinding it. If you know how I can get into voice acting, I would love to talk about that. Might know a guy. Right. Right.

Right. All right. I have one more question for you guys. And then you are released. Wow. No, this has been. This has been so good. And I'm just so thankful for both of you, just opening up and being so vulnerable talking about,

you know, some tough topics. But I know you both are in this conversation is going to help so many people. So first of all, thank you truly for being here. We love you guys so much. Yeah. That's so great. We love you too. My final question for you.

And it's for you both. is you both are, you know, getting to know you guys. You're both so strong individually. But you are truly unstoppable as a couple. Like when we look at you guys and your relationship and taking these two unbelievable individual humans and put you together, you guys are unstoppable. That's so sweet.

Thank you, man. It's so sweet. I want to ask both of you this, but Jacqueline, I'll start with you. Where would you be today without this man? I'll be totally honest. I would probably not be alive. I'm being serious. Okay.

You want to make me cry? I would not have made it. I would have, I would have off to myself. I would have done something very stupid. I would not be here. Absolutely not. And I think that anybody who is really close with me, if you ask my mom, my brother, Linda, if you pulled anyone who is like really close to me, they would say the same thing. There's absolutely no way.

People were too afraid to even leave me alone. I would not be here. No. And that's why I say I can't imagine getting through what I went through without having someone by your side who really hears you and really sees you and believes in you. Because absolutely not. No. No. Yeah, or I would just be like single and washed up miserable.

I said it. I said I was going through my divorce. I were talking to my mom and I was like, I will be single for the rest of my life. She's like, there's a very strong chance that she will be. I was like, that's fine. It is what it is. Because like who's going to want to like, I just felt like I had so much baggage and so much damage and just. I just was like, I'm prepared to be single forever.

And then like two weeks later, accidentally sent him a DM by the way. literally did not mean to accidentally sent him a DM. And that's how we started talking. Oh, wow. Yeah. Here we are. Here we are. Wow, that's crazy.

You guys definitely were putting each other's lives for this reason. Yeah. For sure. Where would you be? Oh, man. So, like, aside, like, let's not even talk about, like, career-wise. I think, like, one of the things that I'm most thankful. for that I gained when we started dating. It took time. But honestly, like, my relationship with God

and Jesus. Like, I think I'm such a better man and human being because of her. I just, I went through so much growth, so much maturity struggle that I had to, like, be the rock for. You know what I mean? And it was just like, I went through so much. And, like, that molded me into who I am. You know, I also have, like God and Jesus now, you know, shout out my brother. This was his cross when he was a little kid. And I don't know. I definitely wouldn't be where I am today, though. That's for sure. I think that having such a strong, influential, powerful, beautiful, well-rounded women by your side really makes you have to dig deep and be the best version of yourself that you can be because you just want to match that energy. And it's like at the end of the day, like, I want to be in a place where it's,

like, just you're done, retire. Like, let me just take care of you. You know what I mean? And I can't say that I, I had that mindset before I was with her. You know what I mean? I was just very like, I don't want to say like self-centered, but I was just like very focused on.

I told her, like, when we first started hanging out, I was like, just so you know, like, I refuse to fall in love until I become successful. I told her that straight up. I was like, L-O-L. Watch me do my thing. Oh my gosh. Yeah, she's not lying. She did her thing.

She did her thing, indeed. Yeah. I feel like I've always had a good head on my shoulders, but if she never came in my life, I wouldn't be proud of who I am the way that I am now because I'm the best version of myself that I, there's no one else in this world that could have made me the man that I am today except for her.

So, yeah, thank you. Amen. And that goes for everybody in my life, my relationship with my family, my sister, my mom, my dad. Like, I just, like, threw it behind me. Like, after my brother, I was just like, whatever. Like, I'm going to just do my thing in life. And, like, she just instilled, like, reinstilled those values in me. Like, hey, like, get closer to God.

Like, that's your family. You only have them once. Like, treat them right. You know what I mean? It's like she just, like, motivated me to just, like, do the right things in life, you know? And I'm so grateful. for that, seriously. I love you.

I love you too. You guys. You bring out the mushy-gushy. I love it so much. You're at the squeam. Oh, my gosh. Well, thanks for allowing us to lock you in here and filming with us. I mean, Taylor said it.

We just absolutely love you guys. And it's just like, we're just so thankful to have you guys a part of our lives because I just, I feel like we truly just have been living. very, like, we are very similar. Yeah. And it's so nice to just, like, have people that you genuinely, like, love and connect with and have the same, you know, values and view on life together. And think about this.

We would not be where we're at as a friend group if I was still drinking. Period. We wouldn't even be living here. Yeah. So for people who are contemplating giving up alcohol, that that's what I would want to, like, be that as an inspiration of how far you can, the friends you can, you can become friends Taylor Lottner. Oh my God.

He does try to a werewolf after her after midnight. Oh, my gosh. I kid, I kid. I don't want to quote myself, but I think my favorite thing that I've said since she stopped drinking. I said this recently within the last couple of weeks. I said, think about this.

Not one thing in your life is worse. No. Every single facet. Everything is better. Everything. Everything. And that's with friendships lost. You know, that's with, that's with the times that weren't so fun. That's with everything. Yeah. A year later. Every single thing is better. Wow. Sorry, I went back to the whole drinking thing. But it's so important to me that that's like my message for people watching us. Like if you're thinking of stopping, I just want to like inspire people so badly.

Wow. You're gonna. I think you've done that. Yeah. Thanks, guys. We love you guys. Thank you for having us. See you next week.