The Squeeze - Joshua Bassett: Healing in the Public Eye

Episode Date: May 20, 2026

In this week’s episode, Tay sits down with singer, actor, and author Joshua Bassett! Joshua opens up about first experiencing anxiety and depression at a young age, how overwhelming online hate and constant criticism affected him, and the ways he learned to cope during some of the hardest seasons of his life. He shares how being misunderstood publicly impacted his mental health, why social media can be so harmful, and how staying grounded in your own purpose can help make outside opinions feel less consuming. Joshua also talks through the boundaries he now has with social media, what motivates him to continue speaking openly about mental health, and why he believes it’s so important for men to have spaces where they can be emotional, vulnerable, and honest about what they’re going through. Joshua also opens up about some of the difficult topics he addresses in his book, including his experience with sexual abuse, addiction, trust issues in friendships, and the emotions that came with releasing something so vulnerable into the world. He shares where the idea for the book first came from, the topic he was most afraid to write about, and what he hopes readers take away after finishing it.Be sure to follow Joshua  https://instagram.com/joshuatbassett/!Get Joshua’s book Rookie now! https://www.joshuatbassett.com/ To email us your questions or share your story, you can reach out to [e-mail] sure to rate, review, and follow the podcast so you don't miss an episode! Plus, follow us on all of our socials:The SqueezeInstagram: https://instagram.com/thesqueeze/TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@thesqueezepodcastTay LautnerInstagram: https://instagram.com/taylautner/TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@mrstaylautnerAmazon Storefront https://urlgeni.us/amazon/FDXj7 Taylor LautnerInstagram: https://instagram.com/taylorlautner/TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@taylorlautnerTo learn more from The Lemons Foundation, follow https://instagram.com/lemonsbytay/ and visit https://lemonsbytay.comEpisode Sponsors:Please donate today at ronaldmcdonaldhouse.org/donate/mcbridefamily to help more families stay.Get 15% + free Shipping when they buy 2 or more pairs of prescription glasses at WarbyParker.com/SQUEEZE.Visit Crocs.com or a store near you to find your perfect pair of Classic Clogs!Head to Ollie.com/SQUEEZE and use code SQUEEZE to get 70% off your Welcome Kit when you subscribe today!Explore Peloton Cross Training Tread+ at onepeloton.com.Visit drinkspindrift.com and use code tay for 15% off.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. It's a very intimidating thing, a blank page. I didn't even know if I was going to talk about it. I was just like, I'm going to see this through it and write it out and get it on the page. And then I can decide later, I detail some trigger warning, some sexual abuse that I experienced. When I was like a teenager, my friend read the book. And he was like, oh, man, I didn't know another guy had ever gone through what I had gone through. And he never told anybody about what he'd been through.

And so that was the beginning of him being able to one process it, but also speak about it. I'm actually not scared at all to talk about it because I know how freeing it is. We wonder why toxic masculinity is so prevalent. I think the most masculine thing you can do is be emotional and tender and sincere. I think that, you know, when you suppress emotions, then you become numb. And when you become numb, then you're less sensitive to the ways in which you're hurting the people around you. If I'm numb, you just assume other people are numb or you don't feel that sensitivity. So you're more reckless and more harmful.

And so I think that a huge part of the way we're going to make the world a better place is by creating space for men to be honest, vulnerable and emotional. I really also want to speak to men of all ages and hope that it can bring some sense of vulnerability and healing and give people the permission to be honest about how they really feel because a lot of people take their secrets to the grave and they are very much buried in shame and in guilt. And that's why you see so many people, I think, taking their own lives is because they found that there's no place for them to get help or healing or to be honest or they're afraid that their biggest secrets or their biggest shames are unredeemable. Lemon drops, lemon drops, lemon drops. I hope you are having a fabulous day, and I have a fabulous episode for you. Today's guest is Joshua Bassett. He is an Emmy Award-winning actor, singer, and songwriter. He has worked across film, music, and television, and is best known for his role in the Disney Plus series, High School Musical, The Musical, The Series. Joshua's rise to fame has not been the easiest he has been met with a lot of public scrutiny that he sends

has shared about how deeply that impacted his mental health. In this episode, we really cover every topic of mental health. We cover topics like PTSD, sexual abuse, addiction, and depression. Josh recently released his memoir, Rookie My Public, Private, and Secret Life. He is so raw and honest in this book, and it's really cool to hear him talk about how much he's really grown over his time in the spotlight. he's been through so much he's done so much work on himself and he is just so honest in today's episode i had the best time sitting down and talking with him he was so kind and i can't wait for you guys to hear his story no better way to welcome you to the squeeze that us just chatting the whole time i love that um i'm so excited for today because i've been like wanting to chat with you

for a very long time so um this is fun because i feel like you have obviously experienced a lot in the public eye and your life has been very public. And you've been honest with like about a lot of things too. Yeah. Which I love that you're doing that. And I think that takes a lot of courage to do that. Um, but I'm excited to dive into all things. Well, we start each episode off.

There's this jar. It's a game called citrus got real. If you want to pull a little piece of paper out of there and read it to our lemon drops, those are our, um, listeners. Oh, hello, lemon drops. Lovely to be here. Um, and again, I just wanted to honor and thank you for all that you do in the mental health space and everything.

And I think it's so needed to have these conversations. And I think we're a bit overcorrecting from a generation that swept everything under the rug. But I'm so happy we're overcorrecting and talking about everything. So I'm excited to dive into everything. But what are they called? Lemon drops. Lemon drops.

Yeah. Hello, lemon drops. Ooh, if you could instantly master any skill, what would it be? Oh, man. I'm really bad at foreign languages. I mean, isn't everyone? Yeah, I guess so. But like, it'd be so.

Austin to be able to go anywhere and to talk to anyone of any language. Yeah. I think they'd be super great. I also can't really cook. Okay. So I'd love to do it very easily. My roommate keeps saying it's like not that hard, but like I just, I don't do it. But I don't know.

Honestly, I was going to say parkour as well, but I think I did instantly master it. I just went to a parkour gym with my roommate for his birthday. And I did every obstacle course, the first try all the way through pretty much. So is this parkour gym like, is it like foamy everywhere? There's some foam situations, but there's like a trampoline park section and then there's like an adult section that's like American Ninja Warrior. I don't know if you know that show. But it's like huge walls that you run up and like insane. Rita was there.

I like cut my hand or whatever. But anyways, it was a great time and I realized that it's all I want to do with my life. It's the most fun I've had as an adult like ever. What the heck? I probably have a better answer than these are kind of mid. I don't know. Let me get back to you. No, I like those.

I know. I'm trying to think if I, I know, I feel like my go-to would. be like singing or something. Yeah. That would be something fun. Yeah, I can't really dance very well. So maybe that would be nice. That's funny.

I have a running joke with my husband that I've like always, I did like, I did like theater as a kid, but I have a joke with him for, I don't know. We've been together eight and a half years. So a long time that for my birthday or for Christmas I want singing lessons. And for the first, just because I'm like, who do? Who wouldn't want to sing? Yeah, totally. And he thought I was joking for like the first couple of years and I say it joking.

I laugh when I say it. But I'm like, no, like, I actually, like, I would, I would enjoy singing lesson. Absolutely. I still haven't gotten the singing lesson yet. Sure, sure. So maybe once we have this baby, then he'll hear me singing to the baby. And he'll be like, okay, now it's time. Yes, yes.

You got to make it painful for him so that he invests in the voice. I'm just kidding. But Ed Sharon, did you hear his, like, original singing from when he was like 11? He was, like, on some talk show and he played him singing when he was 11 because everyone will be like, oh, you're so talented or whatever. He's like, no. He's like, this took a lot of work. And you listed him as like the worst thing

and I've ever heard of my life. And now he's like the biggest singer in the world. So, you know, have hope. It's possible. There is hope for me. Never, never say never. Amen. I'm ready to, I'm ready to dive into that.

That's great. Awesome. Okay, well, I mean, let's just kind of get into it. Should we do another one or no? No, I think we're good. Unless you had another answer that you thought of. The only other answer I thought of was sports. I can't do sports to save my life.

I get any at all. Like, it's really, really embarrassing. I have five sisters in the theater, never got into sports. So like honestly, any of them, I can't do any sports at all. You're a man of the arts. The sports people can't do the arts. I guess so, I guess so. There's a trade-off.

Yeah, there's a trade-off. I like the parkour one. Yeah. I'm going to try that. Not me being like, let's go, but I'm also pregnant. Yeah, I was going to say that. I need some time. My husband would love that.

I'm sure. We can go hang out together. That would be really fun. Okay, well, let's dive into it. we have, I feel like a lot of mental health stuff I want to talk about with you. So I've been like trying to sort of what exactly, like where exactly I want to start. But I guess probably the best place to start is when did mental health become something for you? Was it something that you had dealt with as a kid growing up or when did it kind of first present itself to you?

Yeah. Well, I think I grew up in a household that was very creative, very nurturing. But a lot was swept under the rug. I mean, everything was taboo. You know, nothing was really talked about. And, you know, I was a relatively happy kid. And then when I was about 14, 15, and honestly, like, really when I was 16, I remember being so deeply depressed.

I was going through some tough stuff in my social circles and some, like, false rumors being spread around me that were, like, super humiliating, even though they weren't entirely true. And it was kind of like, I don't know. I just remember feeling, like, so alone. And I remember being in my bedroom and just like, you know, I had like a stash of vodka that I like had stolen from my friend's parents' liquor cabinet. And I would just like secretly be like sipping on that alone. And I remember just being so depressed.

And then overnight I moved to L.A. because I got a gig. And so my whole life changed. And I remember that being such an exciting and exhilarating time. And then, you know, there was a period a little bit after that where I had the insomnia for like two or three months straight. Like, literally my life was slipped upside down. Like, couldn't fall asleep until the sun came up. And so it's been a bit of a roller coaster, you know, as is, you know, most people's mental health, right? It's never, it's rarely just like a steep decline.

It's like often, you know, a journey. So, yeah, I'd say around like 15, 16 is when I started to like really battle with like depression and anxiety and crippling fear. And so, yeah, I think about then. Yeah. You touched on like public scrutiny. Obviously, I think a lot of people know that that is something that is a part of your story. And I think anyone that is in a position, even just in the spotlight, everyone deals with it. Sometimes it's greater.

Sometimes it's not as big. But that's definitely something that you dealt with young, too. How do you, how have you learned to kind of balance that feeling of being misunderstood or even just accepting the fact that people maybe. aren't going to like understand who you really are. Yeah. I mean, I think, you know, a lot of it goes back to identity. And I've talked about this a lot of like, you know, I've been a fan of artists. And then six months later, been like, I can't stand their music or vice versa.

I thought there's artists that are terrible. And then I hear their stuff and I fall in love with it. And that artist can't be affected, right, by my, my adoration or the lack of it. And obviously that's something maybe as silly as like appreciating their art. And obviously there's a whole spectrum of ways people like or don't like people. people. But I try to remember, like, everyone has their own perspective. And, um, a lot of times people aren't accurately seeing things or they're projecting from their own pain and their own wounds. And, um, they'll see someone like, uh, for example, like somebody was like just

ripping on Noah Con. I saw like a, um, a tweet or something where someone was just like, destroying no Khan being like, this is the worst thing I've ever heard. And like anyone who listens to him was like an idiot. It was like this insanely long rant. And I just like laughed at it. And I like, listen to his new album, which by the way, phenomenal. I don't know if you've heard his new album. I've heard a couple songs. Oh my God. You've got to listen, start to finish, and you've got to read along the lyrics.

It is so profound. His lyrics are absolutely stunning. But anyway, my point is, I was listening to his thing, and I was like, man, like, I can look at that tweet that somebody talked about of him and laugh about it. But if it was about me, it would probably have affected me. And so you have to just remember, it's a difficult thing in a daily battle often, but to be a little bit removed. They're like, even I just saw a TikTok that somebody made criticizing the book.

And, you know, there were some valid points, kind of, but majority of what she said, like, wasn't really fair, I found. And so I just was, like, able to laugh at it and be like, you know, at a certain point, you can't take it too seriously. You can't take yourself too seriously. And I think when you're, when you're focused on mission and you're focused on purpose and you're focused on loving and serving and giving, then you're less sensitive to the feedback and criticism because it's less about you and more about the people you're trying to

help. And I feel like so long, I've kind of started to walk forward. and then people start, you know, it's like, the analogy I give is like, you'll be in this, like, cave. And then you start to come out of your cave and you want to get back out in the world. And people start to throw rocks at you. And then you go right back to the cave, you know? Yeah. And there's been a lot of that back and forth in my life where I get the courage to go out and be out in the public eye.

And I do it for a little while. And then the criticism gets to me and I go back and I retreat. And I kind of let them win. And I'm really tired of letting trolls and haters and losers steal my joy and my peace. And so, you know, it's just like, I love the saying. you've got to have thick skin and a soft heart and you can't really, you can't let people that don't care about you or your well-being dictate how you feel about yourself because, you know,

another thing I wrote in my notes up the other day is I'm done trying to be understood by people who are intentionally mishearing me, you know, or I said it probably better the way I wrote it. But you know what I'm saying? Yeah. There's certain people who like you can bend over backwards, do everything you can to explain yourself to them and they won't hear you because they don't, they aren't trying to hear you.

Yeah, exactly. And so I've said a lot of different things just then, but no, no, no. You literally said so many good things. And I was just talking with my girlfriend about this because she decided to share something in response to someone being negative to her on the internet. And I feel like we are just really living in a culture. Like obviously we've been in this cancel culture thing for a while. But there is truly no filter of people sharing their opinions on social media. Like, and just I think people are just being ruthless.

Like they forget that there are like other people like we're actually humans that are watching it. And so it just. A hundred percent. I don't know like what we need to do to get out of it. But like everyone is entitled to have an opinion like you were saying. But like to go out of your way to say how horrible something is. Like. Excuse me.

You're good. No, I just. Yeah. We're just, we're in this weird state right now. I don't. I don't know what it is. Do you mind if I read a statement of the book? Please.

I actually talk about how when I was 14, my friend and I were like ruthlessly making fun of this girl and like made multiple accounts and were just like straight up bullying her. And, you know, I was 14 and naive in a way, but I did know better, you know, but it's so hard when you don't see the eyes of the person that you're speaking to like to really understand the effects of what you're saying. So let me see if I can find this little. I already found the chapter. You can take your time finding it too. I got it. When I read horrific things about myself online, I remember the harmful things I said as a kid,

having not understood just how painful they can be. The internet has desensitized us. Humanity is harder to see through a screen. There are things people say online, they would never in a million years say in real life. And they often do it anonymously. We can't drive without a license or vote without a birth certificate. And yet we can have an entire online profile with no accountability.

This should not be so. Now in the receiving end of ruthless online bullying, I see how profoundly damaging words can be. Look, I get it. It doesn't feel real nor consequential when you can't see the eyes of the person receiving your harsh words. When you don't see their heart sink or the light in their eyes dim. But we must take serious consideration of the weight our words hold. Our words are a weapon we must wield with reverence. And yeah, again, it's like I can't really blame people because I get it.

You know, I have been that person who was insensitive and didn't really understand it. And so I think as we step into this day and age where there's so much accessibility and you can say anything, I think these conversations are so important. And, you know, I also talk about in that chapter how there's a parallel between the rise of social media and the rise of the suicide rates. Specifically in younger women, but across all categories. And that rise is no coincidence in my opinion. And so I think we need to start changing the narrative of what's acceptable. And honestly, I have seen a shift. I mean, yes, it's still like the Wild West in a lot of ways, but I think people are being held more accountable to the words that they're saying and understanding that we have to think a second before we post. And oftentimes it's such an impulsive, easy thing, right?

Like if you are to publish an article, that takes a whole series of steps and you have to rewrite and reread or whatever. But now you can just like one one thought and post it and you don't even have to think about it and you don't even understand the effects. Maybe people do understand that and they weaponize that. But in general, I think people are unaware of the real world consequences of what they say online. Yeah. Was there a point that got you to this state? Like did you reach like, was there a lightball moment that went off for you to just be like, okay, I'm just. going to accept like what people may say and learn to like laugh it off or has that just been like

a lot of work over time? Oh no. I mean it's still a daily thing. I mean my friend here can testify that just the other day. I saw that girl's TikTok and while a lot of it was bull. Yeah. It did affect me and like I was like man like I want to kind of argue with her. I want to not argue, but I want to yeah. And there's times to respond. But I learned I just got to let it go. And so I mean, yeah, it's still a pretty frequent thing. You know, I would say that it gets easy. but I don't know that it necessarily goes away. Maybe it does. Yeah.

There's some, there's some statistic. I can't remember what the exact number is, but reading like a positive comment stays with us for about like 30 seconds to a minute. And then a negative comment can stay with you for like up to like multiple days or weeks. Absolutely. And it's just so interesting. And like a sea of positive comments.

There could be the one negative. And that's literally the one that we remember. Absolutely. And I think part of that's the way our survival brains work. You know, and, you know, you can have a field of roses, but if there's like a tiger in the middle, it doesn't matter how many roses. That's a stupid example. But you don't know what I'm saying. I saw it. Yeah, yeah. Your brain is kind of locking on the tiger. And so, you know, we do have this survival instinct that I think like when our identity is threatened, it feels like it's

a real threat. And so it makes sense that we gravitate towards that. But, you know, that's just something that really takes an effort. But I found like, for example, if I start my day with like five and it's a gratitude. And I will just like out loud speak the things I'm grateful for. Then as I go throughout the day, I start to notice and see things that I'm grateful for naturally because I've programmed my brain to look for the good. And that doesn't mean we should spiritually bypass. It doesn't mean we should ignore the bad.

But, you know, you can choose what to dwell on. And, you know, it's so funny. Like I remember there was a song that I was teasing a couple years ago. And it was kind of blowing up. And there was like so much positivity. and there was like maybe like 10% negativity. And I remember just like losing it and crashing out and telling my team like, oh my God,

everyone's hating on it and whatever. And they're like, all we see is positivity. Like we're seeing all this like lovely stuff. And it's so interesting how we choose to see that stuff. So I think it's, yeah, there's always going to be a spectrum of noise coming in.

And it's like, what are you dialing your radio to? Like what are you choosing to to listen to and to believe and focus on? And that takes practice. But I think that the more you do it, the easier it gets, you know? Yeah.

The majority of, I mean, your life and career, there has been social media. And I think people in the industry, like, I think Instagram just came out when, like, when the Twilight franchise was, like, ending or starting. Like, my husband didn't really deal with the social media aspect of it all. But people in the industry now are definitely dealing with it. And not even dealing with it, but it's just like an added layer of input instead of just

They're being in, you know, magazines and whatever it is. There are certain moments in life where everything just shifts, where your priorities become really clear, really fast. And especially being pregnant now, I'm stepping into this new season of life. I've been thinking so much more about family. What it means to show up for people you love and how important it is to just be there for them, especially when things feel uncertain or overwhelming. I think we all like to believe that if something hard,

ever happens, we'll be able to handle it. But the reality is some situations are bigger than anything you could prepare for. And that's why learning about Ronald McDonald House really stayed with me. Ronald McDonald House supports families with children who are ill or injured around the world. The organization provides accommodations, essential resources, and a community of support, all at no cost. So families can be at the heart of their child's care. It's not just about having a place to say, it's about removing barriers during one of the hardest moments a family could go through. It's about making sure parents don't have to choose between being close to their child and everything else they're navigating. And something that really stood out to me is the reality

of how many families actually need that support. Today, Ronald McDonald House is only able to support about one third of the families around the world who need its services. And that need is expected to grow. This gap inspired an ambitious goal. to double the number of families served by 2030. When I heard that, it honestly stopped me for a second because that means there are so many families out there who need this kind of support and just don't have access to it yet.

And that's why this mission feels so important right now. Ronald McDonald's House is announcing the McBride family as its first global spokes family to shine a light on a family who has stayed and their urgent need to support more families around the world. Their story is something that really puts everything into perspective. After a car accident led to multiple hospital stays surgeries and the premature birth of their daughter, Juliana, the McBride's turn to Ronald McDonald's house and discovered far more

than a bed to sleep in. They found holistic support, community, and resources when their family needed it most. It's not just about a single moment of support. It's about everything that comes with it. It's about giving families the ability to stay close, to feel supported, and to not have to go through something like that alone. And when you hear stories like that, it makes you realize how much of a difference something like this can make, not just practically, but emotionally too. So when we talk about this goal, doubling the number of families served by 2030, it's not just a number. It's real families, real moments, real support that changes everything about how someone experiences the hardest of times in their life. With a goal to double the number of families served by 2030,

Ronald McDonald's House needs your support. Please donate today. at Ronald McDonaldhouse.org slash donate slash McBride family to help more families stay. I feel like buying glasses used to be one of those things that felt way more complicated than it needed to be. Everything was either super expensive or the styles just didn't feel like something you'd actually wear. And even just trying to figure out if something would look good on your face from a tiny picture. It just made the whole process harder than it should be. That's why I've been loving Warby Parker. They've honestly made everything so much easier. Their virtual try-on is actually such a game changer. You can literally try on glasses

from your phone and see how they look on your face in real time. And it actually works. I've tried other virtual try-ons that just felt super janky, but with Warby Parker, you can genuinely tell how the frames are going to look and fit. It's truly the coolest thing. Once you find a pair you like, the quality is amazing for the price. The prescription glasses start at $95. which I feel like is rare for frames that look this good and feel really well made. Another thing I love is that they have everything in one place, prescription glasses, sunglasses, contacts, even online eye exams. Plus they have retail stores if you ever want to go in person, which is really nice.

It feels like they've taken something that used to be confusing and made it really simple and actually enjoyable. Warby Parker gives you quality and better-looking prescription eyewear at a fraction of the going price. Our listeners get 15% off plus free shipping when they buy two or more pairs of prescription glasses at Warbyparker.com slash squeeze. That's 15% off when you buy two pairs of glasses at W-A-R-B-Y Parker.com slash squeeze. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them that the squeeze sent you. Philly Crocs are one of those things that's now how become everyone's personality once they finally get a pair, because once you wear them, you get it. Crocs classic clogs are so comfy, like genuinely,

the kind of shoe you throw on once and suddenly find yourself wearing everywhere. Erin's walks, traveling around the house, literally anything. And honestly, I think a part of why people love them so much is because they're just easy. Going somewhere, you literally just slip them on and go. There's no thinking involved, and somehow they still make an outfit feel fun. And I feel like Crocs have become such a form of self-expression. They're customizable. They come in tons of colors and styles. So whether you want something super neutral and simple or something bold and colorful, there's a version for everybody. Speaking of style, classics have so many fun silhouettes, like the classic crafted clogs if you're looking for something different but just as comfy.

And I love that you can really make them your own depending on your vibe and mood. And obviously, we have to talk about the gibbits because that's what makes them even more fun. There's even a gibbet's charm for anyone, which honestly makes decorating them feel weirdly addictive because once you start adding charms, you immediately want more. If you guys know me and have watched any of my content, you know how obsessed I am with my crocs. I think I probably have 12 pairs at minimum. I wear them all the time and I feel like I have a style, a color, a look, a gibbet for any occasion to match. any outfit, any errand, any outing.

They truly are just so easy to slip on and go. Visit crox.com or a store near you to find your perfect pair of classic quags. Have you had to set boundaries with social media? It's funny to say that because I remember being like 12 and I was like, I'm going to take three months off of social media. Like that I should not be having to do a social media cleanse before I hit puberty. You know what I'm saying? So yeah, no, definitely. I mean, I have like a, I have a screen time limit that my roommate has access.

to on my phone, although sometimes I bypass it. I probably abuse it. But in general, yeah, I try to limit it. But lately it's actually been, I've been less healthy with it. I'll be honest. But yeah, I think you need to have boundaries. And I think part of it is like, you know, I just moved back to New York and being there, there's so much more like community and so much more fun and spontaneity. And so I think when you're surrounded by people that you love and you're doing things that are fun and, you know, adventurous or, you know, you're going to a museum or whatever. Like, naturally, you're just going to spend less time on your phone. But I think, like, it's kind of like when you fill up on candy and then you have no appetite for, you know, dinner because I think a lot of

times when we, if you remove that candy first, then we're hungry and then we go and we try to do. Does that make sense? Yeah. I'm big analogy guy. So just get used to those. But no, but yeah, I definitely have to have boundaries. What about you? I mean, what is your, like, diet with social media. Yeah, I'm pretty, I feel like I'm pretty decent with it. I kind of like swung. When I started the podcast, I was like, and that was like three and a half years ago. I was really like, not looking at comments or anything, but I'm really lucky because my husband's fan base is literally like the kindest people ever. Like he's just like the best human and he, I think it's just been really cool to like see how like his audience loves him. and they've kind of just like accepted me and loved me.

So I've been really lucky knock on what I haven't had to deal with much. But still, I definitely will, I went through a period where I was not looking at anything. But when the podcast was happening, our lemon drops would comment on the post and be like, Tay, I know you're never going to see this, but I really liked when this happened. And this, so I once that started happening, it was like, okay, I need to like break these walls down and just kind of like actually. I think the boundary was a little too high. It's been really cool since being pregnant and sharing about my pregnancy because I've been really honest about it. Like that not so fun sides of pregnancy that a lot of people don't share.

And it's actually been one of the coolest things. The amount of responses I get every time I share. It's just other women being like I'm, you know, this many weeks pregnant and I feel the same way. And it's just, it is really cool when we decide to like open up and share things. Yeah. The response to it is really cool. Shout out to the lemon drops. Yeah.

You guys rock. They are my favorite. Yeah, it's interesting. There's a quote in my book that's actually Bo Burnham, something he said in one of his specials. Yeah. He said, haters are going to hate. Lovers going to love. You have to reject both sides so you can live in this healthy middle.

Yeah. Some version of that. And I think it's interesting because, yeah, I mean, I think once your identity is strong enough, then you're allowed to look at the comments. And then, because again, like, there's some people that one day could be saying awesome things about you and your husband. And then that very same day it could be ripping you. shreds. Like, you can't, if you don't have a strong identity and who you are within your community and with yourself, then you are at the mercy of the sort of ways. But if you're strong enough,

I think then you can look at both and you can kind of be able to reject and whatnot. But I agree that there's so much more, there's such a greater reward and being vulnerable. You know, like I talk about addiction in my book and stuff and there's been some people running with that and just like making fun of me or just saying like such mean things. And it just doesn't affect me because I get so many messages every day of people saying like, man, I didn't know anyone else had had. Like how I had and I feel so much more seen. And I'm like, I would rather one person be set free from me being vulnerable and 100 people be mad at me than never say anything at all. So I agree that it's, you know, it's worthwhile.

It's so good. Yeah. When you were writing this, what topic were you most scared to talk about? I mean, you're like all of it. Yeah, yeah. Correct. Correct. I mean, it's less about what was I'm afraid to talk about more about what I was afraid to face for myself because, you know, in, it's a very intimidating thing, a blank page. And there'd be times where I wasn't even planning on talking about certain things, but as I was writing a chapter, I'd remember something that happened to me. And I'd be like, oh, yeah, that did happen. And I didn't even know if I was going to talk about it.

I was just like, I'm going to see this through it and write it out and get it on the page. And then I can decide later. And I found myself coming back to it. You know, for example, I detail some trigger warning, some sexual abuse that I experienced when I was like a teenager. There's a handful of accounts that I have, but one of them was when I was a teenager. And my friend read the book and an early draft. And he was like, oh, man, I didn't know another guy had ever gone through what I had gone through. And he never told anybody about what he'd been through.

And so that was the beginning of him being able to one process it, but also speak about it and talk about it and stuff. And so again, it's stuff like that where I'm like, I'm actually not scared at all to talk about it because I know how. freeing it is like I said. So yeah, I mean, you know, I think I'm, I'm pretty used to people running with things I say and using them against me. And so I just got into a point again where I'm like, look, we're all going to die. And like my life purpose here is not to be liked or to make people comfortable, but to be honest, even if it makes me look ugly. Because I know that that's the only place we can begin to grow is from a place of honesty. And so yeah, I don't know. That's not really much of an answer, but no, that's great. I love that you talked on that about your friend reading

that early draft because it, the mental health space definitely is a more predominantly women-led space. Yeah. Because it is, I think, just more natural for women to talk about how they're feeling, whereas men feel like they need to have this like hard facade and don't feel like they can open up about things. Yeah. So I think it's really important. And I love, love that you felt, you know, called to be open about this kind of stuff because I think it's important for men to face those things and to hear that other men have gone through the same things. Like, I remember when my husband, like, shared about, you know, his body image struggles for the first time, the amount of men in his DMs, it was, like, we were both like, what is

going on? Like, this is crazy. And there's just so, I feel like men, women are behind in a lot of things in the medical and field, all the things. But I think, I really think that men are like behind in this space of just like being able to view vulnerability and sharing how they're feeling like as actual courage and not a weakness. Absolutely. And I think we, you know, we, we, we wonder why toxic masculinity is so prevalent. And it's because, you know, if we're bottling it, again, I think the most masculine thing you can do is be emotional and, and, and, tender and sincere and sensitive. But I, you know, I definitely agree.

I mean, I talk about in the book how, you know, I have five sisters. And I asked my mom this to confirm, but she said that I was more emotional than all five my sisters combined. I mean, I was a very, very emotional kid. And yet I was being told that I had to stop crying because I'm a guy. And all my sisters were allowed to cry, but I wasn't. And then I talked about how when I was 14, so basically when I was like 12, I like would beat myself up every night, like, you can't cry.

I was so embarrassed. And anytime someone would like make a comment about or make fun of me, I was so, so embarrassed. And so I like really suppressed that emotion for a couple of years. And then when I was 14, I was in Bridget Tarbithia, the musical, which if you don't know, is a very emotional ending. And I had to cry for 20 minutes straight on stage. And so then I had to relearn how to cry. And the very same, my friend's mom, who was like bullying me essentially for crying,

came up to me after the show and was like, so beautiful that you were able to be so tapped into your emotions. I'm like, oh, isn't that funny how when it's for art, then it's, it's okay, but when it's in real life, then it's not. So yeah, it's definitely an interesting thing. And I think that, you know, when you suppress emotions, then you become numb. And when you become numb, then you're less sensitive to the ways in which you're hurting the people around you. You know, it's like if my hand is numb and I bang it on the wall, not going to matter. And so if I'm numb, then I, you just assume other people are numb or you don't feel that sensitivity. So you're more

reckless and more harmful. And so I think that a huge part of the way we're going to make the world a better place is by creating space for men to be honest, vulnerable, and emotional. And I look at things like, have you seen the Manosphere documentary on Netflix, Louis the Road? Do you know what that is? Oh, dear God. It's the most terrifying documentary I've ever seen. It's following a lot of these alpha male influencers who are in the space who are like, your only value is in what you can provide. And women are submissive and obedient. And it is like the most disgusting document. I mean, I've never cringe so thoroughly of ever in my entire life. And the most terrifying part about it, and, you know, some of these fans might come after

me and like, you know, that's okay. But the most terrifying thing is that these people aren't just saying these things, but they're walking around and there's hundreds of people coming up to them saying, you're my hero. You're the only voice I listen to. And we look in politics. We look in the world and the leaders and the people who are the biggest microphones today. And I am mortified at the men that are, that have platforms, right?

I know. It is absolutely terrifying. And so in a lot of ways, like, I'm a little bit allergic to social media and I want to stay off of it. I don't want to go near it. But I look around and I'm like, who's talking about? Like, you know what I'm saying? I'm not saying that I'm any kind of like, save your body means. I'm just saying like there's, there's very few voices I find. Obviously, there are plenty of really wonderful ones, but there are way too many that are incredibly toxic. And, you know, anyone can grab a microphone nowadays. And that's a beautiful thing because it leads to a lot of exchange of ideas and a lot of connection and conversation that's really great. There's a lot of scary stuff out there. And so I hope that this book, even though at my book

events, it's like, I'd say 99% women. I'm like, I really also want to speak to men of all ages and hope that it can bring some sense of vulnerability and healing and give people the permission to be honest about how they really feel because a lot of people, you know, take their secrets to the grave. And they are very much buried in shame. and in guilt. And that's why you see so many people, I think, taking their own lives is because they found that there's no place for them to get help or healing or to be honest or they're afraid that their biggest secrets or their biggest shames are unredeemable. And it's, you know, it's so funny. My friend here behind the camera, and I were talking about how she'll, like,

she'll say something that she believes. And I'll, like, kind of say it back to her just so she sounds. She hears how it sounds. And in saying it back to her, she's like, oh, you know, that is pretty silly that I thought that person. was mad at me or whatever. And I think it's being able to talk about it that we can sort of take this like big scary weight out of it and see it for what it is and move forward from there. And so anyways, yeah.

I love that little microphone comment you made because that literally is what social media is. Right. Everyone has a microphone. Anyone can share whatever they want. Which is awesome. Yes. And also terrifying.

Yes. And we have to, I think we just have to remember like to not take everything in for fact. Right. anyone can say whatever they want and we just have to, I think still not stay vigilant, but like just like remember to be like, like take it in, but be like, oh, like maybe that's like not true. Like maybe, you know, there's is a world where not everything.

A hundred percent. People are saying is correct. Totally. And there's also times where I'll say something and then six months later I have a totally different perspective on it. And I'm like, man, that's just out there flowing around what I said. And like, I don't even believe that anymore. Yeah.

And so it's interesting like as we're evolving like the, uh, the accessibility that that is so fluctuating and stuff. But, you know, I think, again, it's, it's also an opportunity for people to grow. And, you know, I always appreciate and admire creators who are able to own and acknowledge, like, if they've been wrong about something and be able to move forward. But again, we do live in this kind of day and age where you make a mistake or you say something wrong. And obviously, there's nuance to this.

And there's, like, a whole spectrum of things, right? Like, there's certain things people say that they should not, you know, they need big time out for it. I agree. You know, it's like anyone has a microphone. And so be careful who you're, who you're letting in. Yeah. You've talked about friendships. I feel like a lot as we've been sitting here.

And I can sense the importance of them to you. Have you always, have you ever dealt with lack of trust in people or being able to let people in? No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, that's definitely been a huge issue for me. And I think betrayal is a really difficult thing to bounce back from, you know, because, you know, especially like if you're an intimate relationship with somebody and they cheat on you, you know, it's like, how do you learn to love again, right? And I think that cheating is one thing, but also like in friendships as well, there's all kinds of things of backstabbing or somebody that you thought you love.

You find out something they said about you that's like either untrue, unkind or both. And so it's very difficult to navigate learning to love again. And I think that's why we also live in a day and age of such isolation. And I do believe that the cure for addiction and the cure for suicide and the cure for depression and the cure for anxiety is connection. I think connection is the cure for all of those things, amongst other things as well. But that's one of the main cures for it. And so that's why I have such a deep hatred for gossip. And I see, you know, one of the chapters is gossip is insidious.

And I think people think that gossip is not a big deal and it's harmless. But I think that's a very naive and completely false and dangerous belief to have because gossip can really poison people's perspectives. And of course, you know, it's different like venting and processing with somebody versus like intentionally changing the perspective on somebody in order to hurt them. Like that is such a, a damaging weapon. Like I said, words are weapons. So anyways, yeah, I think I've gone through seasons of serious isolation.

But I think time really reveals who are your true friends. And though there's a lot of people I thought would be in my life forever that I don't talk to anymore. There are some like remarkable and wonderful anchors that like I'm like, man, you know, if it all goes away, like, you know, whatever happens in my life, I have these people. And that's enough. And I think that, you know, we just were in a time of this sort of faux connection and yet like complete isolation and loneliness. And so I don't know what the solution is for that. But I think that in whatever form it is, it's community. Yeah.

I'm not kidding when I say I've absolutely become one of those people who takes way too many photos of my dogs. Talks to them like they're humans, rearranges my schedule around them and gets emotional thinking about them getting older. And if anyone understands being dog obsessed, it's Ollie. They're seriously focused on creating the best experience possible for both you and your dog. And I think what really sets them apart is how thoughtful everything feels. First, the food itself. All these fresh recipes are developed by real chefs and backed by vet nutritionists, so it feels really good knowing the meals are made with high quality ingredients and actually designed with your dog's health and mind.

Ever since switching Remy and Lily to Ollie, they genuinely get so excited for mail time. The second they hear me open the container, they come running down. And honestly, it gives me such peace of mind knowing they're eating food with high quality ingredients. And the whole experience is incredibly personalized. From the second you sign up, everything is tailored specifically to your pup. The meals come perfectly portioned and they even send a pup tanner and scoop to make storage and serving super easy. But one of the coolest things is that all it goes beyond just food.

Through their app, you can actually check in on your dog's health with real vets. You can upload photos and get insights into things like your dog's weight, digestion, teeth, and coat. Get ready for both you and your pup to be obsessed. Head to ollie.com slash squeeze. Tell them all about your dog and use code squeeze to get 70% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today. Plus, they offer an obsession guarantee. If you're not completely obsessed, you'll get your money back. That's O-L-L-L-I-E dot com slash squeeze and enter code squeeze to get 70% off your first box.

Ollie, feed the obsession. I think one of the hardest parts of working out sometimes is all the overthinking that comes with it. Figuring out what workout to do if you're doing it right, what your plan should be. It can make movement feel way more stressful than it needs to be. Peloton helps you unlock all the expansive, joyful feelings you get through movement, with Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus powered by Peloton IQ. I love that the Peloton IQ builds a workout roadmap that's completely personalized to you.

So you can stop overthrithing. thinking and just move. It makes workouts feel more in the moment and a lot less intimidating. Peloton IQ provides intelligent strength coaching so you can stay in the moment. It actually greeds your movement and coaches you in real time, which makes strength training feel so much more approachable and personalized. And with the swivel screen, you can seamlessly go from running on the tread plus to strength training without breaking your flow. I think it's really motivating when workouts actually evolve with you instead of feeling repetitive. Peloton IQ learns what kinds of classes and movement styles you respond to and creates recommendations

based on your goals and energy, which makes it easier to stay consistent and keep coming back to it. Let yourself run, lift, fail, try, and go. Explore Peloton cross-training tread plus at onepeloton.com. I need to put you guys onto something I've genuinely been loving lately because I feel like finding drinks that actually tastes good and feel simple is weirdly harder than it should be. I feel like so many drinks now are either packed with sugar and ingredients you don't recognize, or on the other hand, some sparkling waters barely taste like anything. But Spendrift is actually different because it's the only sparkling water in America

made with real squeezed fruit. And honestly, you can taste the difference immediately. There are so many flavors to choose from, and honestly, I have tried so many of them, and I love them all, but I've especially been into the raspberry lime lately. You can actually taste the raspberry in it in the lime flavor. It's so refreshing without tasting artificial or overpowering. And I think what I appreciate most is it feels like one of those little upgrades in my day. That's easy, but still makes a difference.

Like opening up an ice cold spindrift during work or while we're recording or even just driving around running errands feel so refreshing. Every spindrift sparkling water is proudly made the hard way from farm to can. It all starts with the best tasting ingredients source from farms worldwide and handled with care throughout the process so every sip is flavorful, lightly carbonated, and delicious. Our listeners get 15% off their next order of Spindrift. Visit DrinkSpindrift.com and use Cote at checkout for 15% off your site-wide purchase. One use per customer. Valid through 1231-26. Not valid on subscription orders.

That's D-R-I-N-K. P-I-N-D-R-I-T dot com, use code TAY for 15% off your next order. Because I feel like a lot of what you were saying also probably like ties into your like spirituality and your faith and where you're at like in that journey. What how was your faith kind of like shaped how you see others and honestly even how you see yourself? Yeah. I mean, faith is such a tricky, tricky one.

And I'm definitely in a time of great. I mean, I've always been a questioner and I've always been a challenger and I've always kind of been like I just, I refuse to kind of fit in a box or just believe what I've been told. And so, yeah, I mean, I think in my experience, encountering what I believe to be the love of God has transformed the way that I look at myself and the way they look at others. And I think that, you know, there's a chapter in my book that's where hearts are hard, hell is. And I think that I, because of a lot of wounds, because of a lot of difficulty, you know, I grew up in a very religious household and absolutely despised religion. And to be honest, I all respect to anyone of any faith.

I very much still do not like religion and the religious institute. And I think that Jesus did neither. And so, you know, I try to like, I don't know, it's such a nuanced conversation that I'm like not even sure where to start on it because there's so many layers. to it. But I am a firm believer in, you know, treat people how you want to be treated, love, forgive, don't judge. I think we need a lot more compassion. And I personally care a lot less about what people believe and more about how they treat each other. And I actually wrote that on my phone the other day too. It's probably going in the next book, which is a God's only concern is how we care for one another. And the more I get to know God, that's what I truly believe is like it's,

it really is less about being right or wrong and more about being caring or not caring and being compassionate or not being compassionate. And some people believe that the most caring thing to do is to beat someone over the head with what they believe to be the truth. And while I understand and have compassion for that perspective, you know, are you being right at the expense of being loving, you know? And I think that I don't really know how to answer your question. That's where I'm at. Oh, that's good. I'm curious because of being so young, entering the industry and honestly just like growing up, being a teenager, a young adult, and just even having some having a platform and being on social media,

um, obviously, you know, I think maybe a decent amount of what you've been through maybe because of the industry that you are in. Um, but I'm curious if you have any advice for young people that are entering this space or even just, curious about entering the space, if you have any advice for them. Yeah. I mean, I think the most important thing is to just do everything you can to not lose side of what really matters. You know, I always say, like, what good is a mansion if you're all alone, right? I would much rather be in a tent with my best friends by the river for the rest of my life

than have all the riches and all the adoration in the world and be alone, you know? And that's pretty cliche, but it's just like the easiest trap to fall into. And so often you get into this industry and you're offered a lot of shiny things and you're promised the world. And it all sounds fun and some of it is fun. I'm not saying you can't enjoy a lot of that stuff. But the second, anything is more important than people. You've lost the plot.

You've lost all side of what really matters. And so, you know, I've found that people will step on you. gets them a little bit higher. And you have to really watch out for those people because they sure do love you when things are going your way or when they can get something from you. But watch how they treat you when you don't offer them something of benefit or when you don't let them step on you. It's nasty to see. And so, you know, again, I think like, you know, we can all help each other. But the second that you're using somebody else to get further along is really a dangerous place to be and is really obviously not loving. And so, you know, I'd say go for it, follow your dreams. Don't

be afraid. You know, be courageous. Be almost like unreasonably courageous. I think some of the most successful people are like pretty delusional in a really cool way. You know, they're just like, why not me? Why can't I go for it? And that's really awesome. I always say like follow your dreams, but who are you when you wake up, right? Like you can go for it, you know, sneak into the event. like I talk about in the book, I snuck into the VMA's red carpet in an outfit I stole, made it on to Vogue's 100 Best Dress, like all this awesome stuff. But like, what about the next morning? Like, you know, who am I then?

And what matters at the end of the day is your character. And the other thing I'll say is how can you uniquely make the world a better place? Because there are certain stories that only you can tell. There's certain gifts that only you have. Or maybe there's a combination of gifts that you have that you can find a way to make the world a better place. And I think so many people are stuck in lives that they're unhappy with. And the question is like, you know, for example, one of my friends is like the best baker in the world. And she currently has a job.

She's unhappy with. And I keep telling her, I'm like, dude, would you just use? And obviously, that's a big lead to take. But I'm still like, you have such a gift that like, you know, there's a way to do what you love and turn your talent into something valuable that you can do what you love for a living. And I think any time that you can find that obviously it's easier. said and then done. I know we're in a very tough economy. I know that there's a lot of caveats to that statement. But that would be my encouragement, I guess, is to learn to do what you love and make sure that you never lose sight of what matters in life. Yeah. I love that. Where did the idea of writing a book

come from? Yeah, I think, I don't know. I've just, I've been writing so much for so long of my life. And I always have stuff on my notes app. And I think that I love storytelling. And a couple of my friends had mentioned, like, that I should compile some of my stories or some of my philosophical ideas into a book. And I definitely had imposter syndrome because I'm like, I'm no school. I never went to school. I don't know the basics of English. Like, I really know very little. And I called my mentor and the showowner for Hiking Musical Tim Federley, who is an author as well. And he was like, I would love to see you write a book. I would love to see this kind of book from you. And I think you could do X, Y, Z thing. And so I wrote like

10 or 15 sample chapters sent it to my agent and he was like yeah every actor thinks they can write a book we'll get you a ghost writer like all that stuff and I was like bro like no if I'm gonna write it I'm gonna write it I'm not doing no ghost writer thing yeah and then I got hooked up with a literary agent who just like lost it and he was like oh my god he was like you got to write this like you he was just like so encouraging and so sincere and he was like fuck a ghost writer like it's got to be you and so um that kind of gave me the confidence and the edge to like to do it and then I I signed a deal five years ago with a company I won't mention. And they kept telling me over and over again, write the book you want to write.

You can talk about anything you want. And so for five years, I was like really working on it and taking my time and just as I lived my life, I'd put together notes or voice memos and kind of organize them in a folder. And then eventually I was like, okay, it's time. I got to really finish this thing. And so I put together the manuscript. I sent it in. And they're like, yeah, we don't know if you can talk about ketamine and suicide and body

dysmorphia and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, and I was like, you guys told me that I could this whole time. Yeah. And so to their credit, they, they let me go and ended up moving to another publisher who didn't touch anything. They, like, they helped me, like, clean up some things, but they didn't tell me I couldn't talk about anything. And so it was so crucial for me to tell, uh, the full story and not to water it down

for the sake of appeasing any, um, corporations. So, um, anyways, a long win an answer, but, uh, that, that's kind of how it all started. And I'm so happy with how it turned out. I love that. when the book came out is it like what's the first emotion when you or even before like what's the first emotion that you think of people of it just being done like is it is it is it are you proud are you like anxious about it being out in the world like what what are those first like few emotions that you have yeah the day that it came out i was uh tmi i was in my shower just like

gagging essentially and like bawling bro i literally was like weeping and weeping and weeping and then like almost throwing up and then weeping and we'd be i don't know it was such a release for me because for so long i've kind of let other people tell my story and let the narrative be um dictated by whoever and so this is in a lot of ways taking my power back and so yeah i mean it was definitely um difficult and like i actually think like the minute it came out i was just really sad and i can't explain why but i was really sad and then the next day i did this event at the grove or no sorry at barns and noble in new york and just to see people come up and pour their heart out and tell me what it means to them

or tell me that they were at a point where they almost took their own life and something I wrote helped them get through it. Like that's the stuff that just like brings you right back to what matters. And any kind of fear or sadness just flies out the window because that's so much more important than any of those things. So it's been a bit of a roller coaster. I'll be honest. I mean, like truly like I had that night and then the next morning I was super depressed

and like resistant and like was just like, ah, I don't know. And like in my head. And then the next day I had an event in Chicago and it was amazing. And then that next morning I was feeling terrible. So it's been, it's been quite a fast roller coaster of emotions. But I think because it's so vulnerable,

there's so much of myself being kind of put on display that it's, it's almost like I have like a vulnerability hangover, you know? Yeah. But, you know, it's been, it's been the whole spectrum of emotions. Yeah. I'm sure there's also like a bit of,

because I know I experience this sometimes when I do, like live speaking things is. when people are sharing their stories with you, it is so, like, there is part of me that really just, like, I get so fueled by doing live events because, like, being able to hear the person share instead of just, like, reading the message, like, actually having that one-on-one conversation with them and being, like, you said so-and-so, you said this and this helped me or whatever it may be. In that moment, it's so, like, I feel so just, like, honored that someone feels safe enough

to share this with me or that something I went through and was maybe debating sharing resonated with them. But I do, I feel the same thing. I, the last like big event that I did, I was driving home and I just started crying. And I think it's just like this like being an empath and like caring for people. And even if you're not an empath, but I think it's just that release of you are still taking on these people's stories. And like, so not only am I like, you know, debriefing the day I had, but it's also fully like trying to comprehend and sift through everything I just heard. Right. So I totally, I totally relate to that.

Yes. Yeah, it can be, it can be beautifully draining. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't trade it. But yeah, there's definitely. Exactly.

You have, you have to just like, now I know that I will have either that night or the next day. I know that that's how I'm going to be feeling. So I just am kind of like. Yeah. I don't let myself overthink, like, how I'm. I'm feeling that I stay because I know that that's right. Yeah, it's a lot easier when you're anticipating it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, for sure. Obviously, you know, we've been talking about mental health this whole time, but I want to know what prioritizing your mental health like looks like for you now. Like what are some of your non-negotiables? I know we talked about acupuncture a little bit earlier, but what does it look like for

you today? Yeah. I mean, I try to look at mental health, like mental hygiene. That's been like the kind of word that I've been using lately is like, you know, you wouldn't, I mean, sometimes you do, but you generally wouldn't go to bed without brushing your teeth, you know? Yeah. No shade to anyone that doesn't. Yeah. Yeah. Look, it happens. You fall asleep. But no, I think, I think that there's generally like there's tools that I have. I mean, there's some days where I'm a little more militant with it. Like, you know, my morning routine, which is like, I do Wimhoff breathing. I do, uh, what is that? You know, it's like 10 minutes of this like deep breathing. Oh, wow. And then will you do like, what is it? Like 30 deep rest and then you exhale and hold for like 60 seconds. There's a whole program you can do on YouTube. It's actually awesome.

It takes you out of a state of fight or flight. It's really great for your body. Oh, that's cool. So I'll do like Wimhoff breathing and then I'll do a 15-minute meditation and then I'll journal and then I'll go to the gym. And that kind of checks every box for me, mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical and kind of gets the cobwebs out and prepares me for the day. And I find that I'm my strongest self when I'm leaning into discomfort in the first thing in the morning because it just strengthens your capacity and your bandwidth for life's discobes. comforts and challenges. But, you know, a lot of times and there's like a lot of pressure, like it's very hard for me to do those things. But it's, it's ironic because the more pressure

I'm facing, the more I need to be doing those things. But like, I mean, the last couple days, I've been like having a hard time a little bit and I haven't been as like healthy as I should be. And so again, it's just like it's one of those things that, you know, life, life just flows like that. But there's definitely little tools that I have, you know, that they keep me check but I will see the most effective most important one though there's all these awesome tricks and tips and everything is a phone call or a conversation with with a friend that I really trust and love like there's so many times where I've been having a day where I'm I'm spinning out and I'm like unwell and I don't see the purpose of life and I don't want to do anything and I feel hopeless and

whatever I'm caught up in my own mess and then I get on the phone with somebody or FaceTime a friend or see it see a friend and within seven minutes I'm like totally better so yeah Yeah. I love that. What about you? I think I'm kind of similar with everything you said. I think the routines and things definitely ebb and flow. And you have to just like accept that, especially if there's lack of routine and consistency in day to day life. Yeah. But yeah, I love having like a morning quiet time. I'm like the, like a ritual girl of like I will like turn my jazz music on the TV. I'll like the candle. I'll feed the dogs in the morning. Like I'm like quiet time. My husband's still asleep. So I like wake up before him and I have my whole like journal time.

There was a point in time where I literally had like four like journal things going on. Like I literally had like a book. I had a book for my Bible study that I've been with a group of girls. I had my own just like journal. I had a five minute journal. And then I had like a health one. I was kind of just I was getting. It was the New Year.

So I was getting back into like, you know, all of my. Never enough journals. Truly. But I really. feels, it feels so good like to be in that routine. But I'm the same with like the friends thing too and just talking. Yeah. I'll be like dead. That was actually kind of I think what saved me in my first trimester because I was like really sick. I would have like my friends come over and I wouldn't even be speaking. I would just be on the couch just like dead. And just having them around and hearing

them talk about things and laugh. Like it just really I forget. And sometimes I'm like, I can't I'm like seeing you when I'm not in the mood. But it every time I've hung out with like a close friend of mine, I'm like, okay, like I didn't, I didn't regret that. I've never left that hang being like I regretted or I regretted not answering that face. Like I've never had that. Yeah. But if there are times where you are leaving like friend hangouts or whatever and you feel like worse off than you did, then maybe they are the best people for you. You know.

And obviously I think as you get older, like you just keep those people around less. But I think when you have less friends or when you're in high school or whatever, you like, cling to friends even if they're like toxic and so there's a nuance to that because I totally agree but it has to be the right friends right you know but I you know I think that's a huge thing is like you're not necessarily looking for a friend to solve all your issues it's just someone to sit with you while you go through your issues you know and that's like the most beautiful thing in the world and yeah because you know obviously you all want to take our burdens off of our friends but there's some stuff you just got to go through and so being able to walk through it with somebody

else. You know, there's another chapter in the book is, for the first time, I'm grateful to have gone through hell so I can walk alongside others holding the hands of those who are looking for a way out. And I think that's like such a huge part of life and how we're designed to be. I mean, we are communal beings. And there's a time and a place to be alone and you got to learn how to be alone with yourself. Otherwise, it's going to be very hard. But yeah, there's a time and a place. And I totally agree that that's key to getting through. For sure. How do you advocate for yourself now. How have you learned to have your own voice and speak up for yourself? Man, that's such a great question. We were just talking about this last night.

That I think for a while I've kind of let people get the last say or I've not tried to correct things with people and I'm kind of fed up now with that in a healthy way. I think I'm a little bit like you know, obviously I can't correct and fix everyone's perspectives. But, But, you know, I think you do have to be an advocate for yourself at times, you know, and it's, it's nice. Like, I have such awesome fans who are so quick to, like, try to correct the narrative. If someone's saying something that's not true or, like, misunderstood. But, yeah, you know, I think, I think there's so much power in owning your voice and owning your ability to talk about.

But honestly, I'm still learning how to do that. So if you have any tips or tricks or the lemon drops, want to let me know how. They could let us know in the comments. like should below. No, I think that's just something you learn over time and just little small things here and there. I feel like are kind of like steps into learning how to do that or how to set a healthy boundary or how to speak up for yourself, especially if that doesn't come naturally to you because that like to me, like speaking up for myself does not come naturally at all. And that's something I've really had to learn. And especially like now being pregnant, I have like no,

I actually, I have a lot of patience and it's actually a flaw of how much patience and grace I give people. But my patience is very slim when it comes to like little like things or people. So I'm like I will speak up to people in public which I never do. And the first time I did

my husband was like, what are you doing? Like what's going on? And it was literally like we were in line to check our bags at the airport and this lady cut in front of us not even knowing. And I was just like, excuse me, like we're in line. I was obviously very kind about it. And she was like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. She like walked away and my husband was like, what the heck?

Like what did you just do? Because I never would have done that because I just normally don't care. But I'm like, no, I need to pee and I'm nauseous. Right, right, right. Absolutely. So I think it's just like as you grow in time. Totally. I think that's how we're off.

I also think it's so interesting how much more willing I am to speak up on behalf of other people. Yes. Oh my gosh. Yes. It's interesting. The front I have here behind the camera, mystery friend I keep referring to. We were at a show and we were backstage because she knew the artist. And this girl came in and she was super, super drunk.

It's so unbelievably rude. And she was trying to ask her question. And I was trying to help genuinely. I was like, I think you got the wrong girl. And she turned to me and I won't say this for your listener's sake, but she said the most vulgar, disgusting, just like an unbelievable thing. And it didn't even really like phase me. Like I didn't think like, oh, how dare she speak to me like that?

She just like said it to me. And I was like, okay. And then she turned back to my friend. And the friend was like, that's not okay. She's like, you can't talk to him like that. Like, that's unacceptable. And it took her saying that for me to go, yeah, you know what? You're right.

Like you can't, you shouldn't talk to me like that. But it's interesting when you see it in other people, it's a lot easier. Like vice versa, I bet if she spoke to her like that, I would have stepped in and be like, this is an okay. This is unacceptable. Yeah. But when it's to you, you kind of, it's harder to stand up for yourself, I think. I know.

I don't know what, like, what or why that is. Because when something happens with, if someone is being to my husband or one of my girlfriends, I'm like, I, I, there's like a switch that goes off in my head. And I'm like really like, I am too nice of a person. But when someone is not being kind to someone that I love and not giving them respect, I'm like, total mama there. Absolutely. Especially now with pregnancy hormones, but which is good. That's proper me for having a child. But no, it's so, it's so interesting.

I'm like, how do we like learn to like, like, love ourselves that same and like hold like the respect that we think we deserve to that same standard absolutely yeah as the people we love i don't know that answer yeah we'll figure it out i think the same thing goes for like the way that we talk about ourselves to ourselves versus to other people it's so wild the things that you let fly like a friend will say something about themselves like hey don't talk to my friend that way it's not nice yeah and yet i say like the most unimaginable things to myself so yeah there's definitely a weird I think that's part of learning to love and part of the growing up process is like truly like learning to love means also to love yourself.

And, you know, growing up in like a religious household, there's this weird like shame around like, oh, you can't love yourself. And obviously, I think there's, you know, when you are too self-important and when you're, there's like a difference between like loving yourself and then like thinking of yourself as higher than others. Like that's a different thing. but I do think that we have this weird unhealthy overcorrection from pride to shame. And I think that there has to be a healthy middle in humility of being able to truly like love yourself and have grace for yourself. And when you screw up, being able to say like, I love you, you're human and it's okay. You know, I think it's so funny how little patience we have for ourselves and often how much more patience we have for other people. And that's another thing I'm learning every day.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, last question I have for you is what are you most proud of yourself for? Oh, that's the perfect way to segue out of what I just said. I would say my resilience, maybe. I think that though I've quit many times in a lot of ways and have given up,

there's definitely been a lot that I've been through that has required me to continue to keep going, even when it really didn't feel possible. And I think that resilience is what has made me who I am in a lot of ways. and I still have a lot of resilience to go, but, you know, I think not giving up when I really wanted to give up and when I had every reason to give up, staying resilient, I would say.

I love that. What about you? Or do you answer this every... I... It never really gets flipped back to me. Every once in a while it does. That's a good question. I actually do even have that down to write you.

Or to ask you. I think maybe I'm proud of myself for learning to give myself grace in this season that I'm in. I'm such a busy body and I'm such, I hold myself to such a high standard in being able to, you know, get my work done and be able to respond to all of my texts and to like make sure all of my friends feel loved and heard and all of the above. And my mental capacity has been, has not been the best. And I'm really, I was really hard on myself in the beginning of my pregnancy with that. That I wasn't able to do the things I wanted to do physically, emotionally. And now I've kind of just like accepted that. And I'm really like proud of myself.

Yeah. Like getting to, I mean, I still have those thoughts of not being. But we're making progress. Yeah. We're making progress. And that is progress. is all that matters. I love that. Well, thank you for coming and chatting. I'm so excited about your book. We'll leave a link down below for people to check it out. Check out. Thank you so much.

This has been awesome. You're the best. Later, lemon squeezer or lemon drops. Lemon squeeze. I mean, that's good too. Take care of lemon drops. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.