The Squeeze - JP Saxe: I Need a Therapist

Episode Date: July 12, 2023

TW: addiction, grief and loss  Your hosts are both massive fans of this week’s guest, musician and singer JP Saxe. The episode is full of energy and insight, as JP starts off by inquiring if the Lautners find navigating enmeshment more challenging by their shared name. The three then dive into love and conflict languages and the importance of being malleable to your partners’ styles. JP talks about his childhood, including the blessings he’s discovered from not being popular at a young age and his journey of defining masculinity in his own terms. Taylor also opens up about the struggles he faced when playing Jacob and the pressure he felt to portray a perfect life. The three then discuss feelings of being a burden to your partner, bullying, and being an only child—something girl Tay and JP have in common! JP opens up about growing up in a house suffering from addiction, and explains his journey with loss and grief to Taylor, who has not yet experienced any sort of family loss. He also shares the series of decisions that made him realize it was time to start therapy and the role songwriting has played in his healing journey.  Be sure to follow JP @jpsaxe  Thanks to our sponsor for supporting this episode:  Ice Barrel — Go to IceBarrel.com/THESQUEEZE for $150 off your order  To email us your questions or share your story, you can reach out to [e-mail]. Be sure to rate, review, and follow the podcast so you don't miss an episode! Plus, follow us on Instagram, @thesqueeze and personally @taylautner and @taylorlautner.   To learn more from The Lemons Foundation, follow @lemonsbytay on Instagram and visit lemonsbytay.com  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Auto-hue with Sunny Cars feels as if the children Not me be seen. Kiselstramble Sandvorda. Act is forcare, verdwine. Vacantity can chaotic

but who's a auto-hourt says, One dos, no stress. No own-verwashed to cost, always full-ledgird. So,

would auto-hue without your rice-adviseur or Sunny Cars. combe. When life gives you lemons, what do you do with them? Over here at the squeeze,

we talk about it. Hello everyone, happy Wednesday. Welcome back to another episode of The Squeeze. I am Tay. And I am Taylor. Thanks for being here. Yeah, we're happy you're here. Yeah.

And boy, do we have a fun episode for you. Yeah. We're kind of geeked out ourselves about this one. Yes, we're very excited for this episode. Oh, actually, before we get into today's episode, I also just kind of drop the ball on Taylor that I just booked our first EMDR therapy set. You did just drop that on there. Separately. Okay.

For anybody listening to Ann for myself, what exactly is EM? EMDR? EMDR. EMDR. Let me like read. We've talked about it before. But what? Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapies and mental health treatment technique.

This method involves moving your eyes a specific way while you process traumatic memories. EMDR's goal is to help you heal from trauma and other distressing life experiences. Wow. Yeah. That sounds fascinating. So I'm very excited for us because Dr. Amon recommended that we do this for like a while back. And, you know, we've been gone and traveling and all this stuff. So we're pumped to, I'm pumped.

I just told you. So I don't know if you're pumped. But. Me? Yeah. You're probably nervous. That's why I'm going first. So then I can tell you about it.

Okay. Are we going on the same day? No. I'm going one day and then you're going the next day. Oh, okay. Yeah, so you'll have a day to process. Okay. Interesting.

How to do it. Okay. Well, wish me luck, everyone. Yeah, but it's supposed to be a very healing thing. And I talked with the therapist this morning and she seems so sweet. And it's over Zoom. Oh. Fun fact.

Oh. Yeah. So I'm excited to report back on this. Huh. In our experience with it and kind of learn more about it from her because I know about it. But, you know, it's kind of hard to like explain it. And she was saying, she even told me it's kind of hard to explain, like, how scientifically it works. It just works.

So. Okay. Yeah. I'm in. I don't think I have a choice, but I'm in. All right. This week's episode. Yes.

We have somebody on that we are both are massive fans of. Yes, very much. We're very, very excited to speak with none other than J.P. Sacks. Yes. You may know him from a lot of, a lot of songs. Yeah. Very emotional songs. His music is, he's super vulnerable in his music and talks about a lot of things.

All of his music is like lived experiences. Yeah. Real life stuff. And yeah, sitting here, I mean, we recorded with him for like over two hours. So we had to cut that down a little bit. Super fun. In addition. In addition to being an incredible singer-songwriter, he is a freaking fun dude.

Yeah. We had so much fun and we just kept sidebarring. That's why we were. You'll see you. Taping for so long. But I just love how honest he is and he's just like, he's just himself, just, not that he doesn't care, but he's just like, I am me and I love who I am. Yeah. And he's not afraid to share that.

But we dove into some pretty deep topics with him. Yeah. A lot of, like, personal stuff. But also he gave great advice for, like, men's mental health as well about finding an outlet. Clearly, his is, you know, music and writing songs. We got some little fun behind the scenes stories of some of the songs that he's written the lyrics behind them, what they mean. So that was fun. But just...

We also dive into grief. Yeah. So for anyone listening, it's... Yeah, he's... He lost. his mother a couple years ago. So we talk about that and his grieving process. And yeah, I think it'll be a good listen.

Yeah, it's a fun episode. We had a lot of fun, taping it and a lot of fun after with our boba. Oh, my gosh. Guy is obsessed with boba. He is obsessed with boba. I'm obsessed with boba. Boitay's not obsessed with boba. I do not get it.

He does not like. It's like you're chewing these slimy, rubber balls. I don't get it at all. It's okay. We'll work through it. We'll work through it. But yeah, I hope you guys enjoy this episode.

All right. Catch you on the other side. Hello, hello. Welcome to the squeeze. We are joined by somebody that we're very excited about because both girl te and boytee are massive fans of this person, truly. That's what we call ourselves, Boite Girlte. Really?

Yeah. It's the name and the fan. in the fandom? We've been like, should you have for 30 minutes? You said nothing. Is it true? That's exciting.

Yeah, it gets confusing at times. So we just, we have to differentiate it. So I'm Boite. This is Grote. And everybody watching and listening, this is JP. You may know him as JP Sacks.

Thank you for being here with us today. My absolute pleasure. Do you guys find that like navigating enmeshment, which usually happens in marriage, I've heard is like made more challenging by your shared name. We are pretty, we are pretty a mesh. Yeah, I think if there was an emishment problem, it's definitely us. Yeah, we kind of do like everything all the time, like 24-7 together.

And now we even work together. So there's just just even more. But yeah, that probably. And then on top of all that, yeah, we literally are the same person. Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot. Well, I was reading a book recently that argued that there's actually a very healthy

form of codependence. And that codependence as a buzzword has been used as a negative. Yeah. But there's actually very much such thing as healthy codependence. Oh, that's cool. That's good to hear. He's like, I like to hear that. He's a little more codependent than I am.

That's true. Yeah. They describe, it was in this book attached. And there was a really cool anecdote they used about a baby or a child and playing in a room. Uh-huh. and the kid can be playing alone in the room, not regarding their parents in any way, and just playing by themselves perfectly happy and comfortable.

But then as soon as the parent walks out of the room, the kid's like, Mommy Daddy, where'd you go? Mommy Daddy gets all worked up. Yeah. But there's really actually no difference in the way they're playing because they weren't engaged with their parent. Yeah. They just knew they were there.

Yeah. And that psychologically actually impacts us as adults too. Yeah. Even if we're doing our own thing, knowing someone's there that loves us, who is just even in the periphery makes a difference in the comfort in which we confidently do our own thing,

which is why you can be independent in codependent simultaneously. Wow. Which seems like you guys. I relate to that a lot. I just like you around when I'm doing something. Yeah, you do. I appreciate that.

Whether physically or, you know, yeah. Emotionally around. Emotionally. I like that. So we like to start each episode off with this little game called Citrus Got Real. I love games.

Citrus got real. I love the book. That is my kind of pun. That makes me happy. This jar has some paper in it with questions. If you would like to pull one of those little guys out, you can always know the people that have used the mic before because the other people are like, I know.

Also, he definitely appreciated our citrus got real name. I know I love it. No, I genuinely really loved it. Yeah. Thank you. That was it. You got a genuine laugh out of that. Thank you.

As we discussed, I'm a horrible. actor and a bad liar. Like too bad of a liar. I'm too forgetful to be a liar. Yeah. I'm compulsively honest, 90% because of my values and 10% as a safety mechanism because I know if I lie

about something, I'll forget that I've lied about it and I'll be a fool out of myself later. Your text is our hot dog sandwiches. I mean, well, also, we've had this one. Have we? done this one before. Yeah, because I remember being passionate about this answer. Oh, okay, let's pull another one then. I mean, quickly, if you have an answer, I'd love to hear it because I,

my answer's no. Yeah, absolutely not. What happens when the bun breaks from the bottom, though, and then it's two pieces. Then it's a sandwich with a hot dog in it. So then it goes from a hot dog to a hot dog sandwich. I disagree. I think I need the bread attachment. Yeah. Well, that just seems like a, I'm not sure if the sandwich, it's just a bad hot dog. You're right. It's just a Broken hot dog. Broken hot talk. Yeah. It hasn't become something new.

He's broken. Let's try a new one because I don't like that one. I just think it's so obvious. Great. All right. Question number two. What is your love language? Okay.

All of them. It's obviously all of them. It's all of them depending on who I'm being loved by and what kind of mood I'm in. Oh. I like my love languages. in different iterations from different people. Oh. What is your love language?

Is that what you want in a partner? Or is that what your best at giving? I think your love language is like how you want to receive, how you want to receive. And I think it's kind of both. Wait, no, I think it. Yeah, I'm trying to think I have. Yeah, I guess both.

Like, I were to say, like, my love language is acts of service, because that's how I show my love to you. Right. We typically do want what we're best out. Yeah, but isn't it loving to shape your love in the way someone knows how to receive it? For sure. For sure.

Like, I would say I have a malleable love language. Like, if I fall in love with someone who just hates compliments, but I'm like, I'm a writer. I can give you like really, really ornate articulate compliments. Right. And they're like, I don't like that. Yeah.

Even if that's my like love language. Yeah. To give. If I keep giving and it's not all that loving. Yeah. That is true. There are people in my life that like, I want to hug from if shit's going wrong. Like, I could be a physical touch guy.

But there are also people in my life that I do not want to hug me if things are going wrong. There are people in my life that like, you know, the acts of service, the gifts can be nice. Yeah. Yeah. But it depends what they are. Yeah. It's all very circumstantial. Yeah.

And I like all of them. Yeah. I think most people like all of them. Yeah. Yeah. We definitely differentiate, and I am trying to get better at what I know hers is, because I do not naturally do that. And that is acts of service. She likes, yeah, receiving acts of service.

Yeah, I'm very much, like, just physical touch and words of information. No, you're more so words than physical. Okay. Touch. Okay. Definitely. And I'm not a wordy person. So.

But her. Acts of service isn't like, I'll go to the grocery store and come back with flowers for her. That's not what she wants. She wants a surprise with like the dishes being done. Yeah. Or like, yeah, chores. The trash taken out. Super chorey person right here.

The other day, I like a clean house. Yes, you do. You started putting away, I think you like your shoes or something the other day. And I was like, oh, wow. Yeah, that gets her going. I have a question. Okay. So is it, so let's say Taylor, boy Taylor, was to hire someone while you were away to do all the dishes and clean up the house.

Would that feel as loving as if he had done it himself when you got home? I think so. Yeah, I don't think you would care too much. No. The house was clean and he thought about what I would like. He thought about my feelings. I think that's a truthful answer. Got it.

So it's like not about the self-sacrifice. Yeah, no, it's not about him physically doing it. Yeah. She just wants me to think about it. She just wants me to be aware that, you know, the entry is a little messy right now. I think all of the love languages are really just a mechanism of making someone feel considered. Yeah. And we are all have different ways that we feel considered based on our past and our experiences.

I think, I don't know if this exists and maybe it does within the world of, you know, the psychology of our loving relationships. but I think equally important to love languages is conflict languages. And I think it's equally important to talk about really early in relationships. I don't think I've ever heard of that. I mean, I don't know if it's a thing. But like conflict languages, for example, like when shit goes wrong, are you the, I'm not going to talk to you for the next 24 hours because if I say something right now, I'll see something I don't mean.

It's loving for me to step away. Or are you the, oh, I hate that we've just done something that hurts each other and we're going to fix it right now and we'll talk about it and we're not going to go to bed angry. Yeah. Like how you naturally exist in conflict, I think is almost as it not more important than how you love one another. Yeah.

I mean, we did talk about something similar to that recently with somebody where it was right off the top. When you start like dating somebody or getting to know somebody, just let them know like, hey, just so you know, I do this. Oh. And I want you to be. be aware of that. Yeah.

And with Dr. Sasha, that's what it was. Yes. We had, she's a psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD and she has ADHD. So we were talking about how ADHD and like relationship works. Yeah. I think that kind of applies to this where it's like, yeah, right off the bat. Talk about your love languages, but talk about your conflict too and how you, you know. Yeah.

I like that. Do you two have compatible conflict approaches, languages? Compatible? Yes. Yes, because they're different. I see. How are they different? I don't mute.

Yeah. I am more like, I want to talk about this now. He's very good at, like, saying what he thinks. And, like, he knows what he's feeling right in the moment. And I'm like, I get so flustered and I'm like, wait, I just, like, need a second because I can't say. Like, I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know, like, what I'm feeling. I have to, like, take a second and process it.

I have to learn to be okay with that and give that space because it's, you know, that when I, like, hear that, I'm like, no, I need to talk about this now. Like, yeah. And that doesn't do well with her. Yeah. Or, like, he would get annoyed that I, he's like, talk. Like, you're not saying anything. I want to hear your feelings. Yeah.

Like, yeah. You're literally not talking. I want to know how you feel. Yeah. And that just makes me. makes her go more in the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, which was great because you were, like,

my first partner that actually, like, did want to hear what I had to say. So I was like, I feel safe, but I don't know what I'm feeling, so I don't know how to say it. Yeah, but it does, it ends up working out. It works out because we both, we don't, like, yell. Yeah, she, I mean, her, her time that she needs, uh, you know, gives me a moment to simmer down, think about how to best approach this.

So then by the time we do have the conversation, we're not talking about like going to sleep and waiting until the next day to talk about it. Sometimes, you know, 20, 30 minutes. Yeah. Just process it. Yeah. So something as you guys know

that has been a huge part of my mental health journey, Taylor's Mental Health Journey, journeys as individuals and as a couple has been therapy. Amen. And that is why I am so excited to share our next sponsor with you guys, which is cerebral. Serrebral is here to help you achieve your mental wellness goals with professional therapy and medication management support 100% online. You'll experience the all new cerebral way, an innovative approach to mental wellness designed around you. You'll get a personalized treatment plan from a therapist, prescriber, or both an safe and judgment-free space.

I love that cerebral is 100% online because that means you have no excuse. You have to go. Like there's no, oh, I don't have time to go drive. It's too long of a drive. No, you can do it on your lunch break. You can do it before work, after work. And it's honestly just, it's convenient. Yeah.

It's convenient and they have great therapists. Yeah. And it'll just keep you accountable too. So we highly, highly encourage that you guys check out cerebral because therapy is just done wonders for us. And we know it'll do the same for you. To get started on your path towards better mental health, cerebral is giving our listeners 15% off their first month of online therapy, medication or both. Get started at cerebral.com slash podcasts and use code the squeeze to make 2024 your best year yet. That's C-E-R-E-B-R-A-L.com slash podcast and use code the squeeze.

Offer is only valid on monthly plans. Other exclusions may apply. I see sight for details. Get going on that therapy. I mean, it seems extremely healthy that you guys know about each other. And I'm, boy, Taine and I have that in common. That has been something I've struggled with in relationship. Yeah.

To recognize that someone not being able to have a conversation with me in the moment I want to have it. Yeah. Does not mean that they're hiding from me or being like trying to, because it's painful. Yeah. So I want to do it right away and have to like sit with that. Yeah. But that it's actually someone who isn't ready to lovingly meet you in a moment. It's more loving for you to say, like, give me 30 minutes.

Yeah. Like, I have a song called Tension, and it was about me misunderstanding this a little bit. I can see in retrospect, it was me misunderstanding it. The first theory of the song is, you say things you don't mean too damn convincingly, then take it back and expect that it won't stick to me. It was just an argument. No, it's the truth in it. I want to believe you, but you came off so articulate.

Yeah. And looking back, it was me asking someone. to communicate with me before they were ready and then them saying something that they didn't mean because they were really angry. Right. And then when they were ready to talk, saying, like, no, I didn't mean that I was really angry

and me struggling to believe them. Yeah. But now I understand that it was actually kind of on me for asking them to meet me before they had arrived to themselves in a way that felt sincere. Yeah. Does that happen often where you like,

you learn something about yourself through your writing and your songs? Well, I feel like that's a very obvious question, but like where you maybe had like a take or like a position while writing a song. And in retrospect, you see it differently, you know, after some time. I try to avoid strong opinions in my songs. Okay.

Because I really don't think that they're meant to be advice or meant to be suggestions. Songs are definitely not suggestions. And for the most part, they're not usually good ideas. They're just truths. Yeah. And I think people misunderstand that about songs sometimes. Like they look to songs for advice on how to navigate their emotions and their personal experience. Songs can be really powerful in that they meet you where you are in that they're another

human's experience of their emotions that they're able to articulate in a song. Yeah. But it doesn't mean you should aspire to whatever's being felt in that song. Yeah. Because it's likely who ever wrote it, myself included, is going through things that are as messy and complicated and flawed is what we're all going through. Yeah. The difference is we've just synthesized it in this three and a half minute thing. Yeah.

Something you said earlier that Sparky thought when you were saying that, you know, it was new to feel safe in that conflict and know that you could step away or you could have a conversation and be met lovingly. I think that's so real because often what it takes to make a dysfunctional relationship function. Like if you're in a dysfunctional relationship, a toxic one, a misunderstood one, like one that is not working. Yeah. The strategies to make a dysfunctional relationship functional, once you are in a healthy, functional communicative relationship, you apply those same strategies,

and it makes a functional relationship dysfunctional. I've seen that happen. It's true. It's a profound statement. I mean, we were talking about this earlier, but we're getting free therapy now. Yeah. I'm so, as I said,

I'm deeply uneducated. I barely graduated in high school. You're like, I want to clarify. I just think about my feelings a lot. Oh, my gosh. Oh, I love it. That's great. If you're able to write them down.

Did you, like, grow up in a musical family? Or did you just? Yes, and no. Okay. So neither of my parents are musicians. Okay. But my grandfather was. Okay.

So there was the concept of being a musician, not being a life-roaning decision. Okay. Which was helpful to me when I told my parents at 16 that I wanted. wanted to be a musician. Yeah. Because at least there was a grandpa there who had built a life with that. Yeah.

So I didn't have to navigate a challenge a lot of artists do, which is convincing their parents that they're not ruining their life. Right. Although they were still terrified. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I bet what did he do? He was a cellist.

Oh, my gosh. He was really good at it. That's so cool. Really cool, cellist. Wow. Dang. Really fascinating, passionate, morally grounded human. Oh, I love that.

Do you play the cello at all? So badly. Okay. Like, I think if he was still alive, I wouldn't have played cello on my new album. Okay. Because I just would have been terrified of his. Do you play it on your new album? I do.

I put some cello on my new album. Oh my gosh. I would have been embarrassed about his judgment if he were still around. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. In a studio with the opportunity to do a number of takes. Yeah. I can play cello on a song.

Yeah. That's cool. Wow. It was really fun. Oh, my gosh. I'm going to hear this now. I've probably heard it and don't even know. know it. No, it's the new one. Oh, okay. It hasn't come out yet. Yeah. When?

Your thoughts and New Feelings, New Channel. Have you announced when that comes up again? Sometime in the fall. Okay. Have we announced that? No, but whatever. Okay. This isn't come out for a little bit too. I'm not super secretive. Okay. It's kind of like my whole thing. Transparency first. Love it. I love it. I love it. Well, if you change your mind on that, let us know. Okay. Great. Republic's going to be like, um, we're going to take that back. Thank you. Um, okay. So, so, obviously, like prepping for this. We like watched red. Interviews you've done stuff. And there was a few

things that we want to talk about that. I just love that you've said, you kind of talked about growing up. You were, you didn't like have a lot of friends and you were forced to figure out a relationship with yourself. And I feel like that is so profound of like a

child, young adult to do because people don't do that until like they're like in adulthood. Like that saying that sentence, I feel like it's very profound. I'm not sure I would have described it that way as a 15-year-old. Yeah. But there's a real blessing to not being popular young.

Yeah. I have questions for you about this, by the way. Yeah. I can definitely relate. Because I wasn't validated for things that were ultimately unhelpful. Mm-hmm. It made being 13 and 14 and 15 very complicated. Yeah.

But I think it was ultimately a really good thing because all of the versions of confidence and charisma and strength in men that I saw around me were so different than who I was learning myself to be. Yeah. And so it's like a 14-15 year old day. It was like, well, I guess I'm not going to be confident. And I guess I'm not going to be strong. And I think, I guess I'm not going to be charismatic because I'm not. This buff, like, loud, funny at other people's expense, athletic, gets tons of girls guy on the hockey team. Tell me your Canadian. Yeah. And it took me like a, it took me a while to recognize that you could be sensitive and masculine.

Yeah. You could be vulnerable and masculine. You could be soft and masculine. You could be affected. You could be emotional. You could be, you could be. interested in emotional conversations, you could be interested in connectivity with other people. You could like want to stay up to 3 a.m. talking to your guy friends about what they were going

through in their families or in their relationships, like that that didn't, that that could go with masculinity, like took me until I was older because I just didn't see it growing up. And something I wanted to ask you boy, Tay about is like, you know, you embodied this like masculine, like, for lack of a more nuanced term like sex symbol for a generation of people but like you're also a vulnerable, sensitive, thoughtful man. Was there ever like a point

in your understanding of yourself where you felt like the perception of you know, whatever role you were playing like in pop culture and who you were like was a challenging thing to navigate and see as one thing? Yeah, I don't it's a good question yeah

and I wonder if I even know the answer I mean I feel like I was able to separate like who I am you know from this character that I play but in addition

I do feel like I do feel like Jacob was a very sensitive person as well. And he does have he does have the abs and the pecs and, you know, those things.

But I do feel that I actually was, I do have a lot of similarities with Jacob. But yeah, it was always important for me to be vulnerable and not have to be perfect, but it took me a while to get to that place

because back in the height of things, I definitely did have instilled in my brain that when I do an interview, when I do a red carpet, a talk show, like you have to be perfect. Like cookie cutter. Yeah, nothing in your life is wrong. Yeah.

Everything is great. You are happy. You are thankful. This is an unbelievable position. You have so many fans. You are one in a million with this opportunity. Like, you need to just smile and everything should be right. And I think for a long time, definitely through the height and thick of it.

I was operating, telling myself that. And it only was until the last few years where I, you know, took a break from the industry and am now easing my way back in, but have a different mindset, which is just like, who cares? Like, everything doesn't have to be right. And I feel, I feel, I feel dumb for putting on a fake smile all the time and pretending like everything's great. And I have all the answers. It's like, it feels a whole lot better just being who you truly are, whether that's good or bad on the day. Yeah. To me, like, figuring out what even being vulnerable means was kind of challenging.

Yeah. Because, like, sure, we talk to a lot. like it's okay to be a man and be vulnerable. It's like, okay, but like, what does that even mean? And like for me, like, I, it's so funny because I talk about my feelings for a living. Yeah. But I do it in a way that I get to spend as much time as I want crafting how I'm projecting said feelings. So is that really vulnerable?

Like, is it really vulnerable to take that much time to create how someone's going to perceive something? Isn't vulnerability more in the allowing yourself to be seen unprepared? like that was that's harder for me and on the surface superficial version of it like when I thought like okay it's okay to be a man and be vulnerable I'm like oh guys can cry and I was like well maybe my vulnerability is saying like I don't even know how to fucking cry right

yeah I haven't cried in years yeah I wouldn't I don't know how maybe that's the vulnerability because like I can't I don't know how to just wear it yeah you know maybe it's maybe the vulnerability is I've been trying I tried for many years thinking that if I wanted to be confident and strong that I needed to be something

other than myself, that now like coming into my own and like being myself is confusing. And it's not just like, okay, I'm going to be vulnerable. Here's me crying about something. I don't even know. Like I wouldn't even know how to do that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think that's vulnerable.

You saying you don't even know what that means. Yeah. I think that is near the top. of vulnerability is being okay saying, I don't know, or like, I don't have the answer. Yeah. Just admitting that because us as men so many times, like, want to just always, you know, have the answer to everything. Yeah. Fixers. To me, like, even if, even when I thought, like, oh, I have, like, reclaimed masculinity for myself as a 23-year-old because, like, I've accepted I can just,

be a sensitive songwriter, and I don't have to, like, be a super-asseter, a hockey player. Yeah. But then I would still go into a relationship and think, like, my role in this relationship is to never be a burden to you and to try and help you in any way I can because that's what it means to be a man. Yeah. Never be a burden to the people you love. Yeah.

And help. Help. Yeah. Yeah. And then did that in a relationship and couldn't. except that I was being so much more of a burden by refusing to let myself be a burden. Like my refusing to let people deal with the parts of me that I was dealing with that scared me was making it way harder for them.

Yeah. Because in my head, it was like, well, if I'm dealing with something that scares me, whether it be like my relationship with my parents or my insecurities around my job or my fear of failure or my fear of like lack of connectivity and my friendships, whatever it may be. Yeah. If I, if that's like hard for me. Yeah. I told myself like, well, I love this person.

So I don't want to give them something hard. Yeah. This is hard for me. Why would I want to give them something hard for them? Right. And that's not loving. Right. It's going to bring them down.

Right. Where really would have, what would have been more. loving is trusting them enough to say, hey, I'm trying to figure this out and I can't. Yeah. Can we talk this through? Or are you just like to sit with me on this? Yeah. That would have created an intimacy that I couldn't even concept.

Yeah. Yeah. No, that's so true. I mean, that's something that we've definitely had to learn and has obviously taken time to learn. And I feel like we still are learning because, I mean, it is scary sharing something, especially if it's like, I don't want a burden. that was always my thing is I would like wake up and just be having like a bad day and just be like not wanting to Burton Taylor just trying to be like hopping whatever now we've kind of like

talk through it enough gone through it enough where sometimes I wake up and like my like depression is just horrible like I don't want to get out of bed so I literally I'm just like I'm having one of those days and he's like great what do you need like and that's just like where we're at now which is yeah just let me yeah you've gotten so much better at that okay I do want to ask about this and I don't want to get the quote right because Peg was telling me about this and I really liked it because I've and I've talked about it on this podcast before as well because I I myself had a somewhat difficult I don't want to relate it like I wasn't I wasn't physically bullied a couple times but but I didn't have the easiest high school experience and a lot of

of it was because of what I did. And I say all the time that you look at, you know, the bullies or whatever in high school. And at least for me, you look at, what are they doing today? And what were they making fun of you about? And you said this, pay attention to the things people make fun of you for because they might actually end up being the thing that makes your life beautiful. For you, that was, correct me if I have this incorrect, but ginger, musician, sensitive. For me, it was the fact that I, at the time in high school, I would get made fun of for being Shark Boy and, you know, an actor and, you know, missing football practice because I have an audition. and like all this stuff. And not just from,

not just from kids, like from the coaches. And it's just when, when Tay told me about this quote from you, it just, I couldn't agree with it more. Because if you're, honestly,

if you're getting bullied and picked on for something, it probably means you're doing something right. Yeah, for sure. And, like more and more every day. Yeah. I look at my life and think,

I fucking wish I could show 16-year-old me this shit. Yeah. Because I was so, I was so afraid of what being myself would mean that I tried really hard to be something other than myself. Yeah. Yeah. And people do that in much more profound ways than I did.

For me, it just meant like, I don't know, trying to, trying to, like, harden myself, trying to, like, I don't know, I have failed so hard that it doesn't even feel like ever really exists. Anything other than just a failed, attempted other shit. But, like, you thought about it. You know, there was moments on this last tour. Like, I played at the arena in Toronto for the first time when I was opening for John Mayer. And if I could show my, like, 15-year-old self, like, I told this story on stage.

My first ever arena concert was in the arena in Toronto for Hillary Death. Stop. Oh, my gosh. Which I never used to tell anyone because I was thought I would be made fun. I fucking loved Lizzie McGuire. Oh my gosh. Yeah. He didn't.

Like, I'm pretty sure, like, my sexual awakening was a dream about Miranda from Lizzie McGuire. That's funny. And so I was like, I loved Lizzie McGuire movie. Yeah. The movie was great. I feel like that's come back around in pop culture, which makes me happy. Yeah. So I went to the concert,

and my parents took me, had the time of my life, I bought the merch, and then used to lie and say my first concert was the Rolling Stone. Oh my gosh. But there was something, like, really empowering for me as a 29-year-old

at the time. Yeah. Like on stage, same arena, sang very proudly. I came here for my first arena concert for Hillary Duff, probably 2007 or 2008. So,

funny. And like, I would love, I would love for 14-year-old me to have seen that. Oh, my gosh. He would have stoked. I love full circle moments like that. When was that last year? This was, this was in March. Oh, wow. Oh, like just. Yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, my gosh. Dang. Yeah. That's super cool. We were talking before this, how addiction has played a role in both of our lives also, only children. I'll show it out. Yeah, we can relate on that, which I, you're a great only child.

Thank you. You're a great. I appreciate that. You seem like a great only child also. Thank you. Thank you. Obviously, this is a large question, but what impact has

addiction kind of played on your life? Well, being an only child means your vantage point of your family is your, in yours alone. Now, I know that when you have siblings, like every sibling has a different version of a family because they exist in a family in a different way. So it doesn't necessarily mean you have the exact same family because when you were born into

a family with an older sibling, you're being born into a different family as you were as the oldest sibling. And I do understand that. But I do think there is something differentiating about your parents only being your parents and not being able to talk to anyone else who has an understanding of what it meant to live in your house. Yeah. Like I was the only kid in my house.

Yeah. And we had a dog, but he didn't really fetch. It was kind of like antisocial. Yeah. It's kind of like one of ours. Yeah. He was a poodle. Okay.

So like hypologetic but also like anti-friendly. Yeah. I've heard that. He was like, yeah. Like I love cats, but it was a very like cat-like dog. Yeah. Anyways, all that to say, he didn't, you know, have conversations with me. Yeah.

About my family also dead. Yeah. Um, the poodle. I mean, in normal poodle years. I think he went to like 19. Oh,

wow. Fantastic life. Yeah. Okay. He and my dad held on there for a while. Wow. So I wanted a little sister really badly. I'm going to tell you the things that I've noticed about my life recently that are really good that I think are because of being an only child.

I recognize quite young that if I didn't create my only child. my own family, like in my community, if I didn't create family out of my friendships, I wouldn't have one. Yeah. And I think to this day, the thing I'm most grateful for in my life is the strength of my friendships.

Like I have a lot of friends who feel like my family. I have a lot of friends who would hear me say they feel like my family and be like, what are you talking about? We're family. We are. What do you feel like? Like they don't take offense.

Yeah. And I have a lot of people in my life like that. And what I'm saying is I do think it's because I'm an only child that I was so intentional about creating friendships. Sure. I felt like my family. And now I have that all over the world and I'm really grateful for it. And when my friends have kids, I pretend they're my nieces and nephews.

Oh, yeah. And again, they would get mad at me for saying pretend because they'd be like, what do you mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I relate to that a lot, actually. Yeah.

Yeah. And just like the fact of like no one, like Taylor has one sister and, like, like, you know, if their parents fight, they can, like, talk about it. And it's like the two of them. But if my parents are fighting, I'm, there's just like me. And then if one of them comes to talk to me about it or if I'm listening to it, like, I don't have anyone to like vent to about it. Yeah.

And then my mom was an alcoholic for it. Not for her. I mean, my mom was such a dichotomy because she was a really extraordinary woman. Yeah. Who lived an incredible life and an incredible story. and was a brilliant anthropologist and language teacher and traveled all over the world and did amazing things. Works at a refugee camp in the Philippines and taught English in Peru for, you know, 15, 20 years

and spoke like five languages and worked for the State Department. Was this amazing woman. Yeah. It just so happened that my like 9 to 17 adolescents coincided with her. having an era of pretty extreme alcoholism. Yeah. Like I would get home from school and she'd just be blackout drunk all the time. Yeah.

And my dad's way of dealing with this for the most part was just getting really high in the basement. Okay. So it'd be like, drunk mom upstairs, stone's dad downstairs. My dad and I came up with this little like gamification of my mom's alcoholism, which is if I would get home and she'd be really drunk, one of us would bring up the word Aruba to the other because we had taken a family vacation when I was like 10 to Aruba and my mom had just gotten belligerently drunk at Aruba and left me alone in a casino at 10 years old.

So this became a joke between my dad and I. Right. And whenever I would get home and it was like really bad. My dad would like say Aruba or I would go downstairs. I'd like Aruba. Yeah. And that meant like avoid your mom. Yeah.

Or if she tries to talk to you, make sure you say everything right. Yeah. Because if you say the wrong thing, she could get violent or break shit or leave for three to four days. Yeah. And that absolutely framed the way I have navigated my intimate relationship since. Yeah. Thinking that if I say the wrong thing, everything will go to shit. Yeah.

Like, I still have to unlearn that to think that I can say the wrong thing to someone and that they're still going to meet me lovingly. Yeah. And that we can, I can, like, retract and work through things with someone else. Yeah. Like, I'm still figuring that out. Did your mom struggle with that before you? Or this is there like a family history of it? Okay.

Probably. Yeah. I don't really know. I mean, I thought that means anything, but people always, that tends to be, addiction tends to be a trickled. I mean, my grandfather definitely would have scotch with breakfast. Okay. Noted.

But he seemed still brilliant and functional. All right. But there was definitely scotch with breakfast. Yeah. Well, that's probably not the vibe. Yeah. When did you lose your mom? January 2020.

Oh, wow. It's been like just over three years. Okay. I also didn't drink until I was like 25. I was just going to ask that. Yeah, I was really afraid of it. Yeah. What is your relationship with?

I mean, I've never blacked out. I don't really. I like, we'll have one drink and I'm like, I don't like getting buzzed or like feeling out of control. I think because of my experiences. with that, but yeah, I was going to ask what, how your relationship. So, yeah. My parents unintentionally did this reverse psychology thing with me where it's like alcohol is not cool because mom does it.

Yeah. And weed's not cool because dad does it. Yeah. So I was just not interested in either. Yeah. So I wasn't drunk until I was 25 years old. Yeah. Now I do feel like there's a certain, like, reclaiming power for me.

in being able to drink and have it be healthy and in moderation. Yeah. And that I can allow myself to be like a little out of control with people I trust is actually kind of cathartic. Yeah. Although I did go to a bar and hangling part the other night, drank a little too much with my friends. And then one of my friends bet me that she could get more phone numbers at the bar than I could.

Oh, I love this game. And I really stupidly agreed to this game. Yeah. She's a hot girl. I lost. And I made a fool of myself in the process. I mean, we haven't done this because I would obviously lose. But we did this to our friends.

Our married couple, husband and wife. We asked them, like, who could pull more guys? Marissa or Ryan, the husband or the wife. And they got in like a good... They were both hitting on men. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah.

For a game. Uh-huh. I think Ryan was trying to. to get the game to be played at a gay bar. Is Ryan by? No. I love it. Yeah.

It just, it was a fun game. He wears like a little low button. He looks like he has a little mustache. It looks like a little Italian. We love some harmless queer baby. Yeah. Yeah.

This is the same couple who also had a competition with each other on who could get accepted to Raya first. And if anybody works for Raya. Yeah, they're married. Happily married. But it just, they wanted to know. for friends. Yeah.

Who could get accepted to Raya first. And to this day, they have, neither one of them have gotten an email back. No. Yeah. So I am on Ryan. You are? I am. Okay.

I am indeed. Put in a good word for our married couple friends. I don't know anyone on there who's in control of the membership process. It is quite an adventure. I can't imagine. I'll show you my Raya later if you want. I've never seen it. That, I haven't.

either. It would be a really fun, like, first opening line to have boy Taylor and girl Taylor message someone on my behalf. This could be a fun game. That would be pretty good. And then if she ended up being the love of my life, yeah, we could credit this podcast. Could we marry if you

ended up getting married? If you DM the person on Raya that I end up marrying. Yeah. Then absolutely you can marry. Great. Daniel. Like team team, what's it called? Pastors. No, officiators. The officiates.

Yeah, we were Aditiators. Yeah. You'd be the... Big Intacteemate. Yeah. I officiated my best friend's wedding recently. Really?

How was that? They're still married. So I think I'm married. That's good. I'm one for one. That seems like a lot of pressure to me. I don't know if I could do that. I did...

I was a tad weepy. Yeah. I was a tad weepy. Also, do I want to tell this story? I can just skip over it. It's a good story, though. I mean, do I also take it out? No, well, I haven't told it yet.

Okay. This wedding was, okay, well, note one, beautiful wedding, extraordinarily proud of my wonderful friends for finding each other and being madly in love. They met on a bowling team. They're the cutest. Wow. They met on a bowling team. Yeah, I used to be on a bowling team.

Stop. Although I'm horrible at bowling, but it was more of a social activity. Yeah. Vows were gorgeous. Everything was beautiful. what made it particularly emotionally convoluted for me was my ex-girlfriend was in her wedding party. Oh, okay.

So I had to like watch her walk down the aisle towards me, officiating wedding. Wow. Isn't that an adventure? Yeah. Or any boyfriend would say, which made it a bit easier for everyone. Okay.

That should be like the beginning of a rom-com or something. Yeah. What happens in the rom-com? I haven't thought about what happens next, but that's a really good set. Scene one guy officiating, kind of quirky but handsome gender. Right.

Ex-girlfriend walks down the aisle is in the wedding party. Yeah. Hanging off with a new boyfriend the whole time as an emotional support. Are they walking down the aisle together? No. Okay. But just the whole night. They did in the rehearsal, though.

Okay. You know, I was actually, like, in a way, a really beautiful thing because I got to see her feeling loved. Mm-hmm. And I got to see her in a life that she wants without having to have it. be a life that I gave her. Yeah. Wow.

Love that. Many more people like you. Yeah. That's arguable. That's questionable. I know this is different for everyone, but I, I myself, like, haven't had to deal with grief, like, at all. Outside of, like, a family dog. Yeah.

Which is real. Yeah. For sure, for sure. Yeah, I cannot imagine. We have two dogs. Cannot imagine that day. But, yeah, like, I haven't even lost a grandparent. Damn.

Yeah. Yeah. Are your, is your family just extremely healthier? They're just having babies young. Definitely having babies young. But some of them do. You have four grandparents. Yeah.

That's amazing. Yeah. And I, like, knew half of my great grandparents. Damn. Yeah. So, yeah, I still have four grandparents, both my parents. So I just haven't, I haven't had to deal with grief yet. And I'm very, if I'm being completely honest, I'm worried about that day.

But obviously the grieving process is different for everyone. But what was that like for you? And what is it like? I'm curious because I'm honestly terrified of having to go through that. Yeah, I mean, it's terrifying. Yeah. Really scary. Yeah.

One of the scariest things about it is if you don't let it happen, if you don't let yourself feel it, it gets worse. What I've realized recently is, like, when it first, like, when something horrible first happens, like, you lose a parent, it's so all-consuming of a feeling that it's very tempting to just. ignore it as much as possible. Yeah. To bear yourself in work, bear yourself in relationships, bear yourself in service, just something other than facing what you were going through.

Yeah. What I've noticed kind of has happened is like, at first the grief was like right here, right? Yeah. Like right, like bottom of my neck, top of my chest, like right there. And I didn't let myself feel it. And then so it slowly sort of started digging its way

into every part of me and every part of my life. We're now, rather than just being this big feeling that I'm facing, now it's this much more elusive feeling that is just everywhere. So excavating that grief in a way that allows me to do with it in a healthy way has become far more complicated. And my mom didn't want a funeral because she didn't want to burden anybody, which was such an error. Like I listened to her, I got out of respect them, I should not have.

She was wrong about that. Funerals are important for a reason. Like, they give you a place to, in a consolidated, focused way, face grief. And by not having that, by jumping right into tour and I was six months into a new relationship and it just my career was moving and then there was just so many other things to focus on. Yeah. But I just didn't look at it.

And now three years later, I feel like I'm starting to legitimately face it on purpose. Interesting. And it's a lot harder because it's. It's not just dealing with the grief. It's dealing with how the grief has affected my ability to feel joy, how the grief has affected my ability to feel love, how it's affected my ability to get lost in a moment. Yeah.

Because the only Brunei Brown is, so she talks in power of vulnerability, she talks about emotions being a master dial, which I really like. Like she talks about how we trick ourselves into thinking we can selectively turn down our emotions. Like we can turn down grief, we can turn down pain, we can turn down resentment, we can turn down sadness.

Yeah. But that really like when we try and turn down the feelings we don't want, we turn down the feelings we do want to. Yeah. And I can say from experience that has absolutely happened. Oh, yeah. In my effort to not feel my grief, I have made it far harder for me to feel any of the things in my life that I actually do want to feel.

Yeah. Like I don't feel as happy. I don't feel as excited. I don't feel as fulfilled because I didn't let myself feel any of that. So now I'm going to like retroactively go back and deal all that. It's way more, it's way harder. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you go to therapy? Yeah. Oh, it's weird. Right? Uh-huh. You didn't, you had to like go through several therapists to get to like the one. Although I recently missed a session and I was really embarrassed about it. So I haven't text back my therapist because I, I'm embarrassed.

But I missed a session without telling you. This is your moment to publicly apologize and let your therapist know that. I hope she doesn't listen to these things. She's like, I thought our sessions were working. I guess not. Yeah, I missed one session and I just felt shame so that didn't go back. I would do that same thing. Yeah.

It's an in-process situation. When I first found the therapist that I'm now allegedly saying, although ghosted once and embarrassed about us, there was like a month ago, too. I need to text her. Maybe we do that after this. Maybe we text her and then we go on Ryan. Ryan, text my therapist.

Yes. Dear therapist, I'm so sorry. I hope you can understand. You should because, you know, you're my therapist. Yeah, like 2018. 2018, when I started seeing this particular therapist, I hadn't seen one in a while, and I really wanted to find one I liked.

In the first five that I went to, I just thought we're not for me. Yeah. I put it a nice way. Yeah. Kind of dumb. A couple of them were dumb. Like, I'm not sure how they became qualified for this. Right.

Like this one dude who gave who I got a song out of, this one dude, I told them this whole story about how I had, like, how I'd like gone to this. This is a crazy story. It's been long enough I'm going to tell you. So this is what sparked me wanting to find my therapist. Okay. There's a song on my first album called My Should I Be Here. Am I going to tell you the story here to tell you the lyrics to the song? I'm going to tell you the lyrics to the song.

Okay. We'll fill in some detail. So lyrics of the song I Shouldn't Be Here are, it's like we paid a visit to a past life where I was still yours and you were mine and nothing had changed at all. I couldn't get it up for you the first time. Like my body knew it wasn't meant in you or maybe it was just the Adderall. I shouldn't be here. It shouldn't be here. That's first one, of course.

Okay. In this story. Okay. Which involved, person? Yeah. I'm just, I'm going to let you talk because, yeah. Go ahead. Sure.

You're like, what is he saying on this? scared right now. I just want to know where the therapist is just going to come into this. Yeah. So, well, the therapist came into this being very traumatic and me wanting to talk to someone about it. So I, a friend of mine is like, yeah, J.P., I'm going to be in Sequoia National Park. We're going to swim the Kern River and do a bunch of mushrooms.

Do you want to come? I was like, yeah. He's like, okay, cool. It's like if you want to bring someone like, bring whoever, like, it's like a two and a half drive from our drive from L.A. It'll be fun. And in my head, my stupid. bit head. I think, you know who I'm going to invite on this excursion? My ex-girlfriend,

who I haven't spoken to in six months. Wow. And she goes? So I text her. We had not spoken in six months. And I text her and I say, hey, this friend, who she knows is going to do a bunch of mushrooms and swim up the current river. Do you want to come? She goes, yes. And I was like, okay, I'll pick you up at 9 a.m. tomorrow. She goes, sounds good. That was it. I didn't talk to him in six months, that was the conversation. Stop. So then. That's your worst nightmare.

Yeah. So then we did this and I was so nervous. So I took more Adderall than I should have. And then on the drive up there, there were certain side. We got carried away in a moment and then we pulled over to the side of the road and then things didn't go the way I wanted them to go. And then I was fucking mortified. And then I literally pulled off the side of the road and jumped in the river and like a

moment of just immense. I don't know what to do with myself. And then she just laughed at me and then I got back in the car and then we did a bunch of mushrooms and had a really beautiful day. And after that, I was like, Jesus, that was such a fucked toxic adventure. I need a therapist. So that's what originally caused you to seek therapy. Yes, that series of decision making. Okay.

So then I booked like five appointments and told them all this story that I've just told you. and one of them, who I thought was the least useful, goes, well, it sounds like a learning experience. I was like 180 an hour for a learning experience, which is the first verse of my song, Explain You, where I go, my therapist called you a learning experience, 180 an hour that's all that he mentions, missing you is getting fucking expensive.

It's been 10 months now. There really ain't too much I figured out. There was just something about being wanted by someone who never knew what they wanted. Wow. And that was one of my first songs to do up. Oh, my. They got a bunch of songs out of that adventure.

Yeah. I bet. Yeah, how did the rest of the weekend go? So the river was great. Everything was a metaphor. Because when I do drugs, everything's a metaphor. Uh-huh. Also, when I don't do drugs, everything's a metaphor.

Right. They're just like louder with psychedelics, which is the second verse of that song. It's everything's a metaphor when you're up north on drugs. on drugs in a river with your ex-girl, we didn't think it through it all, swimming upstream, just to let the tide pull us back through it all, back through it all. Oh, wow, you did get some good material out of this decision. Yeah, it's really a dangerous reality that occasional recklessness can result in effective art, right? Yeah. I really have made it a goal of my life to be able to make art that I love based on parts of my life I haven't fucked up. Because I don't want to depend on a life of

toxicity, pain, remorse, and resentment in order to write things that I like. I just, I think the tortured artist's trope is old and boring. Yeah. And I think I'm a good enough writer to make great art out of parts of my life that I love. Yeah. But, you know, this was like, I was like 24, 25, you know, we were. Yeah. We were getting reckless.

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. So what happened afterwards? We drove back. We had a really beautiful conversation. You know, drugs were off. we decided that maybe we shouldn't try doing that again. Okay.

Despite my vote in favor. Okay. So it didn't rekindle anything. Not at that moment. Okay. There was a revisitation later. Okay. Which, you know, sometimes you just got to run back into the house

to make sure the thing that you think you've forgotten is not there. Yeah. It's like when you lose love, I think you treat it like leaving your keys somewhere. Like the first place to check. Yeah. is where was the last place you left it? I think that makes perfect sense. Yeah.

Okay. Like, I miss love. Let's check the last place I had it. Yeah. But if it's not there, just like if your keys are not in the drawer you thought they were in. If you keep going back to the same drawer, that no longer makes sense.

If you check the last place you had it once. If it's not there, you have to look elsewhere. Yeah. That's true. That's good. Have you written a song about that? Yeah. Okay.

It's a song I wrote from a friend of mine. It's called for Emily. Okay. I was trying to give her advice on this girl who was being mean to her. And I was like, Emily, you're the best. And you deserve to be loved in the best way. And you are being loved in such a twisted way. Yeah.

So there was this lyric I wrote, I've got you back no matter what. Even if you fuck up, I know you're just looking for love in the last place you left it. I promise I get it. I just don't want to see you getting hurt again going against the best advice of all your friends. And then it's rampant. Let's pick up the conversation about how you just. deserve better. I was happy when you left her and I really fucking hate her, but I swear I'd make an effort if she made you happy, but she doesn't make you happy. She's hot and she's familiar,

so you better treat you bad. Which happens. So you wrote that for somebody else? For Emily. Okay. This song's called Fremely. Okay. Maybe it was for myself a little bit. Yeah. That's sweet. Okay. Last little... That was such a tangent. I loved it. I don't know how you know. I feel like this whole episode's been tangent, but I'm here for it. That's how my brain works. But I do want to know, like, I mean, obviously, songwriting is literally your life and you're able to, you know, take all of these experiences that you've had and put them, articulate them into lyrics that then become a song. I do love that you did bring up, you know, being able to write about, like, the happy, functional things in your life, not just the, you know, the traumatic things because I do always wonder that. But what, like, role has songwriting played in your life from the healing processes of, you know, losing your mom relationships?

What has that been able to kind of provide for you? I mean, I've written one song about my mom, which I'm happy exists. It's called Sing Myself to Sleep. It's the last song of my first album. And it's the only song I've ever, I've never performed on stage. I don't know what I play after it. Yeah. It's hard to segue in and out of.

Yeah. But, I mean, songs have been such an integral part of so much of my life that it's hard to boil it down. But I will say songs, there's this phenomenon I've noticed recently where when you first write a song, it can be so healing to take a motion that's inside of your body and then put it in something outside of you. Like to externalize this thing that you're dealing with, it just feels like you've cleared space in your chest. Yeah. And then it exists outside of you. And then that's really lovely and useful for like eight to 16 months. And then when that feeling is genuinely now out of you,

but if that song is out in the world, now you're performing that song. And the same song that took the feeling out of you is now putting it back into you every time you sing it. Oh, wow. Notice that happening. Yeah. And actually I was wondered about that.

Is it like scary being so like open? Like in your songs and stuff? Because you literally like the life experience you literally just hold. us about this story is literally like the lyric. Is that like, is that scary? I mean, the, I have played that, that particular song does make my friends laugh. Yeah. I would imagine.

Yeah. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, was like, what the fuck you do it. So, I was traumatic. So, let's put it in the song and then it'll become funny. And it did. It worked. I would say every job comes with its professional hazards, right?

Yeah. Like, if you're a football player, your professional hazard is concussions. Yeah. If you're a singer-songwriter, your professional hazards is people knowing a little bit more than you'd like them to about the things in your life that scared the shit out of you. Yeah. And I love being a songwriter. Like, I love being an artist.

And I love that because I talk about it. about parts of my life that aren't the most comfortable. People want to talk to me about the parts of their life that aren't the most comfortable. I like that wherever I go in the world, people come to shows and want to talk to me about the shit that they're really feeling and really going through because,

like in any conversation, when someone tells you something personal about themselves, the inclination as a human is to tell them something personal about yourself back. Yeah. So are there emotional hazards? Definitely. Does every job come with some bullshit

it they have to navigate also definitely. I would not trade it for the world because it gives me a life void of small talk. Yeah. People want to talk about what they're really dealing with. I love that. That's very cool. This has been so fun. Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. Thank you for being here. You have an awesome outlook on life that is just really cool. Thanks, Taylor. Yeah. Y'all too. I appreciate them to kick it with you all in your home and being so welcoming and kind. Oh, absolutely.

You come over whenever you'd like. Appreciate it. Have to bring Boba, though. Okay, next time. Yeah. Thank you so much for squeezing us into your day. Please be sure to rate, review, and follow our pod and check out full episodes on YouTube. You can follow me at Taylor Lautner, my lovely wife, at Tay Lautner.

Check out the squeeze on Instagram at the squeeze. And also give a little glance and a follow to Lemons by Tay. That's at Lemons by Te. Tay on Instagram and lemons by Tay.com. And also be sure to email us, Lapner.com.com. If you guys have any questions, any guests you'd like to see you, we've gotten some interesting email so far, which has been awesome. But most importantly, please continue to talk about your journey

with those around you and send our show to a friend that you think could use a little extra squeeze in their life. Absolutely. Tootles magoodles, everyone. This podcast has been brought to you by Podcast Nation. Thank you.