The Squeeze - Kenzie Elizabeth: Letting Go of Control

Episode Date: May 6, 2026

In this week’s episode, Tay sits down with content creator and host of the House Guest podcast Kenzie Elizabeth! Kenzie shares how she first got started posting on social media and what drew her to YouTube vlogging, opening up about how putting her life online has actually made her more confident and self-aware rather than self-conscious. She talks through how she decides what parts of her life to share and what she keeps private, and what it means to so many people who see her as the “big sister on the internet.” Kenzie also opens up about her grief journey after losing her little brother, offering insight into what truly helps when supporting someone who is grieving and what doesn’t. She shares how tools like the Enneagram have helped her better understand herself, how she prioritizes her mental health in day-to-day life, and the parts of herself she’s still learning to accept. Kenzie also walks us through her non-negotiables, the routines that keep her grounded, and the advice she’d give to anyone feeling behind in life.Be sure to follow Kenzie https://instagram.com/kenzieelizabeth/!Check out the House Guest podcast here: https://linktr.ee/HOUSEGUESTPODTo email us your questions or share your story, you can reach out to [e-mail] sure to rate, review, and follow the podcast so you don't miss an episode! Plus, follow us on all of our socials:The SqueezeInstagram: https://instagram.com/thesqueeze/TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@thesqueezepodcastTay LautnerInstagram: https://instagram.com/taylautner/TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@mrstaylautnerAmazon Storefront https://urlgeni.us/amazon/FDXj7 Taylor LautnerInstagram: https://instagram.com/taylorlautner/TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@taylorlautnerTo learn more from The Lemons Foundation, follow https://instagram.com/lemonsbytay/ and visit https://lemonsbytay.comEpisode Sponsors:Visit drinkspindrift.com and use code tay for 15% off.Get your choice between free Sirloin Tips, Ground Beef or Chicken Wings in every box for LIFE, PLUS $20 off when you go to ButcherBox.com/squeezeGo to ollie.com/squeeze and use code squeeze to get 70% off your first box!Text SQUEEZE to 64000 to get 20% off all IQBAR products, plus FREE shipping. Message and data rates may apply. Go to drinkspark.com and use code SQUEEZE for 30% off and free shipping.Visit gatorade.com to learn more.MB014GJJJKQV82RSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. My grief journey has been all over the place. I've experienced a lot of loss in my life, just specifically in my 20s, but losing my little brother who's 20. It was like January 20, 24, so it's still like not that long ago. I don't feel like I was ever in denial, but maybe I was, and I just don't really fully understand what denial is in grief, because obviously you know that they're gone. Something that would really bother me whenever I was like initially going through grief

and loss, like people would go to my best friend and be like, oh my God, I don't. like two or three months into it. And they'd be like, can they see what she's doing so great. I'm so hot. And I'm like, first of all, I would love my bedroom in two months. Second, like, it felt to me like they wanted me to be okay so that they didn't have to feel uncomfortable. I don't want people to understand. You know what I mean? It's better to not have how to like experience it. It changes all the time. Lemon drops. Lemon drops. Welcome back, back back to this week. I cannot believe that we are in May. I don't know where the time went. I feel like I blinked. And now we're. we're in May. Granted, I also was like down for the count a couple months during my first

trimester. So that might be why it feels like it's gone by so fast. But I don't know if you feel that same way about it going by so fast. But I cannot believe we're approaching summer and it's warmer outside. And it's just so crazy how fast this year is flying by. I'm super excited about our guests this month. I feel like this month is stacked. You are not going to want to miss it. so make sure you're subscribed. You're following us along. However, you are listening or watching the squeeze. But this week's guest is Kenzie Elizabeth. She is a lifestyle influencer, content creator, and podcast hosts best known for her long-form conversations around personal growth, routines, wellness, and navigating life in her 20s. She's built her audience on YouTube,

sharing vlogs, advice, lifestyle content, before expanding into podcasting with her show house guest, which has become a go-to space for listeners looking for a mix of productivity, self-development, and relatable life guidance. This was Kenzie and I's first time meeting, and we have so many mutual friends. I don't know how we haven't met before, but we truly just had a girl chat, yap. I literally forgot we were recording half the time, and I kept forgetting that I had notes that I was supposed to be following because we were just yapping the whole time. And she is such a light and I feel like has so many good tips and tricks for mental health, but also hobbies. She has so many hobbies. I feel like I now want to try all of them. We talked about

the effects of social media, how it's been for her really navigating, sharing so much of her life on the internet for so long. And she also opened up with me about her grief process after losing her brother a couple years ago. This conversation is so sweet and touching and I really just had the best time with Kenzie. I think you guys are going to love this episode. Well, Kenzie, welcome to the squeeze. Thanks for having me. I'm so excited. Lemon drops. We are not in the squeeze studio because we're doing a fun little episode today at Dear Media. Insert, insert, twinkle sound. Yeah, we took a little field trip today to come and do this. And I'm not mad about it because if you're watching on YouTube, this couch that I'm on right now is actually really comfy. I don't know if I'm going to be moving at all this episode. Oh, welcome. Thanks for having me.

I'm so excited to just like sit and chat and yep. I know, same. I love a good, it's going to be a good morning. Yeah, it is. Yeah. It's going to be a great morning. Okay, so we normally start each episode. I have a jar in my studio that I don't have here. It's a game called Citrus Got Real. Normally I have a guess pull a piece of paper out. But I figured we, I could just ask you a question that I thought of is what was the last show that you binged. Okay, so I'm actually the worst about watching TV. I really only watch shows that I've seen a billion times. Okay. But you're actually catching me. This isn't probably supposed to be like rapid fire, but I'm like, tangent anyway. No, it's so good. You're catching me in a really low moment because I'm really into law and order right now, which I've watched a billion times. And they just canceled law and order organized crime. And I was like, oh, that's fine.

I still have seasons to watch. No, I go home and we have one episode left because it's canceled. Elliot Stabler. Anyway, so currently it's been like law and order in the background. But I'm not like up to date on TV. I'm like really weird about the stuff that I choose to watch. Okay. What, like, what other shows do you normally watch if you're, like, a repeat?

So, show watcher. I love Gilmore Girls. Okay. I love One Tree Hill. It's a lot of comfort show. I mean, I guess anything can be a comfort show to you because, like, Law & Order was a comfort show to me and that's not very comforting, you know? I love Nashville.

I love Friday Night Lights. I'm, like, from Texas. So, like, Friday Night Lights. I'm like, I'm literally at home. Yeah. That's so funny. But I just kind of, like, rewatch the same things I've, I'm the same way with movies. Yeah.

That would, that would be me. My husband does not, like, let me do that. he is not like a sit down and rewatch something you've already watched type personality, which is actually really good. I don't know why that is, but he never like got it. Like I guess he never really like got into shows. Like he never, I feel like growing up to his family just watched like game shows. So that wasn't really.

He was also like in the stuff. Yeah. I wonder if that. You know what you mean? Yeah, I know. I don't. Yeah. He never,

he never really gave them a chance. I think he decided like with friends, he had never watched until we started dating or at least like to the extent that I watch it. And he just, like, didn't think it was a good show for something. Like, he just was like, it's a sitcom. Like, can it be a good show? And then he started watching some episodes. And he was like, oh, this is funny.

And then he was like, oh, this person guest stars? This person guest stars? I'm like, yes, hon. It's a good show. And it's like so important. It's so culturally relevant forever. I love friends too. Yeah.

No, that. And I've always wanted to try to get him to watch hi, my mother. That was like my cover show for, like, I've probably watched it like three or four times. I watched that in college. And I was, but a weird thing about it is that I was, watched it and I couldn't really tell you what happened. So it's kind of nice because I could rewatch that and it would be a new show to me. Yeah. No, I feel like I could also because it's been so long. I also think I want to give the office another run because that one I actually think

he would really like because we just watched, I don't know if you've heard of jury duty or come from a retreat on Amazon. I feel like he loves like watching awkward on TV. And so I was like, We need to give the office a try. Like, you would think that's so funny. So that's, like, my next little, like, pull. Well, let's dive in. You obviously are online. Your job is fully online.

When did you start doing social media? I'm 28. Now I started YouTube when I was 16. Oh, wow. So I've been making, like, YouTube videos forever. And then I started the podcast, like, seven years ago now, six years ago. I can never remember because it was while I wasn't. college at some point.

But yeah, I'm like primarily on like YouTube and podcasting like in long form stuff. So I've been doing forever. What made you want to start doing YouTube? I just grew up in a very like tumultuous household. Like I love my family. I'm very close with them. But there was just a lot going on. Yeah.

And YouTube was my escape. Like that was like what I went to watch. That was very comforting to me. And so I ended up. I was like if I can do that for someone like I would love to do that I was so young. Like very nice. Like very pure intentions, you know. And I'm like, and I'm like, and now I have no peer intentions.

Yeah. Like, I was just young. And it was really, it was just good for me. Like, it was a nice escape. And it was back when, like, influencer wasn't a term then. And if you had a YouTube channel, most people, like, most friends that I had that lived across the country because we would like come together for like bit cons and playlist laws and things like that. A lot of them were like bullied in school. I got very lucky.

People were like very nice to me about it. I mean, I'm sure they like had some things to say. But for the most part, like, I was by no means, like, bullied by it. Like, people were very nice. But I was young when I started. Wow. Did you ever think that, like, did you go into it wanting to do it? Because, yeah, influencer, like, wasn't, like, it wasn't really, like, a career thing back then.

I think, I went into it knowing, because I'm very, like, do you know the Enneagram, like, personality sets? Okay. So, like, I'm a Leo. I'm an Enegram 3. Like, any single personality type where you can be, like, I'm actually weirdly very introverted, but I'm very outgoing. Yeah. But like any personality type where you can be outgoing leader, overachiever, any of those things. Like, that is always me.

So going into it, mind you, I'd like never even seen The Hills or whatever show. But I was like, I'm going to be Lauren Conrad. But like, I had never even seen the show. I just knew that she had books and like did something with Teen Vogue at some point. And I was like, that's it. You know? I'm going to be in Teen Vogue. Yeah.

So I was like, that's going to happen. Yeah. But like, yes and no, because I obviously like couldn't have actually imagined. Like, I went into it very determined that I was going to turn it into. something, but it was before, I hadn't, like, seen a lot of proof of concept, if that makes sense. Yeah. So, like, in my head, I was like, yes, but there was really no way to know that. Yeah. No, for sure. I was just kind of delusional. I was, you know, were you just, like, posting vlogs, or was it? Yeah. My first, we actually looked at my first video the other day,

and I'm like, I actually want to die right now. It was haul, so a lot of it was, like, it's pretty much really similar content to what I'm doing now. I just obviously am 28, and I, like, like, grandma hobbies and stuff. So like my actual content's different, but it's always just been like sharing whatever phase of my life that I'm in in, in halls and style and things like that. It's like kind of the same format, though. Yeah, that's good. Do you ever feel like as because you were doing it growing up, do you feel like it helped you gain a sense of self or kind of did the opposite because you were so much online? I think it, I think it's actually helped me more than it's. hurt me. But I understand how it would hurt worse. Like, I can see how that would happen. I think

I just got lucky. And I went all, I was pretty like stubborn and very headstrong. So I was like, this is what I'm going to do. I think at times it's, I say that it's helped because there's this thing that I love from this book called The Defining Decade, called Identity Capital. And the idea behind it is that you don't find yourself, you create yourself through, I'm butchering this, but like, through the things that you love, like the relationship. I don't know. So you could be saying it perfect for me. And I remember it perfectly. Yeah. You know, you were. And I remember it perfectly. Let me quote it word for word. I actually didn't read the book. I invented it myself. No, but it's the idea that like you are a combination of the hobbies and the interest and all the things that you like. And I think that being online actually gave me one, a lot more access to a lot of people, especially the podcast and things and like just travel and learning and meeting people of all different walks. So I think it's helped me because I found a lot of the things that I love through it. But I do think it's, of course, like harm me at times. Like it's not normal to be young and like reading things about yourself and whatever like that part of the internet is

very unnatural but i've also like been doing it for so like it doesn't really like yeah you know what mean you're kind of like not used to it at this point but it's kind of just like yeah it's grown with it yeah yeah and i never like viral overnight like i've always been like a slow and steady growth which i think it's been really helpful for me i think i would have really struggled with that had i gone from zero to a million followers like that i think is when i would have done it but because i was growing like slowly and steadily, it allowed me to like kind of catch up with it. Yeah. No, for sure.

I feel like sparkling water is one of those things where you think they're all kind of the same until you try one that actually tastes different. And that's exactly how I feel about spin drift. Because I've definitely had those where it's like, okay, this is technically flavored, but it just tastes like bubbles and a whisper of fruit from far, far away. But spin drift is the only sparkling water in America. made with real squeezed fruit, and you can taste that immediately. Lately, I've been into the raspberry lime, and you can actually taste the raspberry,

not just a hint, but real flavor, which makes it way more refreshing. And I like how simple it is. There are just a few ingredients you actually recognize. It's unsweetened, and it just feels light and clean without being boring. It's also made differently. Every spend drift is made from farm to can, with real ingredients that are handled very carefully. So every sip actually has that flavor and texture you're looking for. And I feel like once you notice that difference, it's hard to go back to other sparkling waters.

Real fruit really does taste better. That's the spin drift difference. Our listeners get 15% off their next order of spin drift. Visit drinkspendrift.com and use code at checkout for 15% off your site-wide purchase. One use per customer valid through 1231, 20, not valid on subscription orders. That's D-R-I-N-K-S-P-I-N-D-R-I-F-T dot com, and use Cote for 15% off your next order. Grilling season is one of those times where the food really matters. Like you could have everything set up perfectly, but if the meat isn't great, you can tell. And that's why I've been loving Butcher Box.

Butcher Box delivers over 100 premium protein options straight to your from grass-fed beef to wild-caught seafood. It's all raised and source in the right way. No antibiotics, no added hormones, no fillers. Just clean, reliable protein you can feel good serving. Grilling season is one of my favorite times because Taylor is constantly on the grill cooking up things. Some of my favorites are chicken or burgers and it's so great just having those ready on hand. And I also love how flexible it is. You can customize your box based on what you actually want. and it all ships straight to you, which just takes one more thing off your plate. As an exclusive offer, new listeners can get their choice between free sirloin tips,

ground beef, or chicken wings in every box for life, plus $20 off when you go to butcherbox.com slash squeeze. That's right, your choice of free sirloin tips, ground beef, or chicken wings in every box for life, plus $20 off your first box and free shipping always. That's butcherbox.com slash the squeeze. don't forget to use our link so that they know we sent you. I feel like if you have a dog, you kind of just become that person that becomes fully obsessed. I'm not even kidding.

I talk to Remy and Lily like they are actual people and I plan my day around them and I've definitely done things for them that I probably wouldn't admit to most people. But that's how you know they're not just pets, their family. And if anyone understands being dog obsessed, it's Ollie. They really focus on delivering the best possible food and overall experience for your dog and making it easy to actually stay on top of their health too. What really stands out is the food itself. All these fresh recipes are developed by real chefs and backed with vet nutritionist so you know you're giving your dog high quality meals made with intention. And everything is tailored to

your dog from portion sizes to their specific needs. So it takes out of the guesswork out of feeding them. And they also make it really simple day to day. You get a little pup tanner and a scoop free easy serving, so it just fits into your routine without overthinking it. Remy and Lily have been on Ollie for about a year and a half now, and I can't tell you how much of a difference meal time has become, especially for Lily, because she is our picky eater, but we have not had to coerce her into eating her meals because she is so excited for meal time. Get ready for both you and your pup to be obsessed. Head to ollie.com slash squeeze, tell them all about your dog, and use code squeeze to get 70% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today.

Plus, they offer an obsession guarantee. If you're not completely obsessed, you'll get your money back. That's OLLI-E.com slash squeeze and undercoat squeeze to get 70% off your first box. Ali, feed the obsession. How do you, I always ask people who do especially like long form YouTube. How do you decide like when you're going to film and when you're not and just like put the, like, your phone away and reset. So, I feel like when I was younger, I was a lot harder, especially when I was in college,

because I was, like, doing the podcast. And I had, like, I was, out in L.A. like, I was doing, like, so many different things at that point. And I really had less of a separation because I also had school on top of it. And so I was really filming, like, every aspect of my life. Yeah. But as time is going on, like, I like a home vlog. Like, the second someone leaves their home, I'm like, I'm not interested. Like, I want to watch you at home doing the same thing every single week.

Like it's also, it's kind of on the same topic of like rewatching shows. I don't know if this is even true. This is like an Instagram Carousel graphic, you know? Yeah. But they say that people who like to rewatch the same shows, like have anxiety. Yeah. Which like kind of makes sense because it's like you know what to expect and it's coming and there's something comforting about it, whatever. Yeah.

I feel that way kind of with like YouTube vlogs. So now like I just film most of my stuff at home. And also without really meaning to, I really do film from between like nine to six because it's, after I get home from my workout to that. And that's not really super intentional. Yeah. But I just kind of plan it. I also, like, I have a home and hobby brand now. And, like, that's what I spend most of my days doing. So I'm always trying to, like, I'm always doing some home project. I'm always doing something. So I try to film more around that stuff. Because I also know, like, what my audience likes for me. Yeah. And I have a lot of hobby. So it's easier to, like, create content around that. But I don't film. It just like, it changes, like, basically in, like, different, like, seasons of my life of, like, what I'm not. Yeah. I'm not, like, throwing the camera on, like, my friend's faces. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't think. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like you have a good, like, healthy balance with it because I've definitely talked to people and have people like content creators on the podcast and they're like really struggled with finding that line between when I film, when I don't, how to be present, like, when to pull the phone out. And it could be like really hard for people. I feel like probably like Gen Z as a whole feels that way with or without having platforms just because like TikTok is such a thing now. I also think living in Texas is really helpful because. Yeah. Actually, a lot of my friends in Texas are also influencers, but we are just like also real normal life friends. Yeah. So like I just have gotten better about it. But I can imagine it like, I can imagine it being difficult for anyone at this point. Yeah. No, for sure. Um, I feel like so many

people look at you and like to your content as like a big sister vibes and a big sister like figure. Does that like, what does that role mean to you? Like how do you intentionally go into your content with that in mind. That's so nice. I think you. I think that like from the start of like when I started my YouTube channel, I wanted it to be an escape because that is what I went to YouTube for. So I definitely try. Like I love like the comfort creator thing. Like I want to be that for other people. So and also I'm a pretty open person. Like I will basically, I'm a pretty open book for the most part. And if I have learned something or if I've gone through something, like, I think that's something that's been helpful about being on the internet for so long, I just

know that even like within grief, it's like I've seen messages for so long, like you feel less alone because you know the other people are going through it. It's like the more I open up, the more messages I get from people, it doesn't matter what it is. It could be anything. And I know that there's so many other people out there that feel that way, which is really like selfishly helpful for myself. But also it's nice because I'm like, I know this is important. So it's like made me be more open over the years because I'm like, I know that we're all going through like very similar things. What like it doesn't really even matter. Like there's so many like different aspects that make our lives so different.

By the end of the day, like a lot of us are going through the same things. Like we're a lot more similar our lives. We're a lot more similar than you would ever imagine. Yeah. So I think that it's just made me like open up a little bit more. Yeah. I love that. How do you decide like what you're going to share and what you want to keep private?

I think if I can. can share in a way that's helpful. Like, sometimes things are too fresh or, like, I haven't really worked through it. Sometimes, like, grief is something. You don't just cure. So, like, that's something that I know will never, like, you know, just, like, work through that. I mean, you'd work through it, but you don't, you don't, you don't, there's not somewhere that you arrive at. So that is a little different because I'm just sharing. Also, I feel so lucky because I've been able, specifically the podcast, like, I've been able to be in rooms with all these people, even before that. Like, that's why I wanted to start the podcast is that I felt so lucky to be in rooms with people that I was. And I

was learning from. So I was thinking, like, it would be so helpful if, like, my YouTube viewers at the time could hear these conversations because I'm learning and getting so much from it. Yeah. So if it's something that I find would be helpful, I don't want to just be, like, bleeding out for no reason. Like, I don't want it to just be, like, some, like, sobs. Do you know what mean? Like, that's a bad thing. Like, vulnerability is, like, really powerful and whatever. We all just, like, get, like, vulnerability hangovers and things, you know? Yeah. And I definitely think it's important to kind of, like, think through what you're sharing. especially if it is something that you maybe haven't worked through all the way or you don't know the outcome. Not that you need to know the outcome of everything necessarily, but just that you're like prepared to, like thoughtfully and helpfully talk about it.

Totally. And if it involves someone else, it's when I don't share things. Yeah. Like it's really if it just affects me. Yeah. But if it is something that will make what I'm going through worse, like the response and stuff. So it just depends. Yeah. Um, you touched on the topic of grief. Um, can we talk about that a little? Yeah, I'm very open about this. Okay. You can't like, like, I know people get like, it's just like a hard conversation to like, I don't get like offended. There's not, I'm not like the grief police. Like you don't, there's something that anyone can say that's like wrong. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. No, I love that. Because grief is definitely something that's, um, universal with even if it's the loss of a loved one all the way to, you know, a loss of a job or loss of your house. Like, There's just so many different forms of grief.

You've walked through grief with losing your brother. Can you share a little bit with me about how your grief journey has been? My grief journey has been all over the place. I've experienced a lot of loss in my life, just specifically in my 20s. But losing my little brother who's 20, it was like January 20, 24. So it's still like not that long ago. Yeah. The first couple of years especially, you're just, it's so...

It's so crazy. It's also like there's some days where you almost feel like you're like disassociated. Like I can talk about it because it feels like it's like I'm not, I talk about it almost in a way of disassociation. Like I'm not that person that like went through that. Like it doesn't always feel real. There are still times where I'm like, oh, I have to my brother. And like you just forget because it's, it's weird because it's like it's on your mind 24-7 like still. But like it's when you've lived 26 years when I lived, let me think about this, 20 years with him, who's five younger than me, like, that is a very hard, like, adjustment to make in your head.

So while you're very aware, you're also kind of, I don't feel like I was ever in denial, but maybe I was, and I just don't really fully understand what denial is in grief, like, because obviously you know that they're gone. But, yeah, it's just been weird and, like, up and down. I definitely feel better than, than I have, but with the understanding of like, something that would really bother me whenever

I was like initially going through grief and loss, like, people would go to my best friend and be like, oh my God, like two or three months into it. And they'd be like, can they see what she's doing so great? I'm so hot. And I'm like, first of all, I don't love my bedroom in two months. Second, like, it was annoying because I obviously was not doing well. And it felt to me, whether or not they meant it this way, we probably didn't. I mean, people have good intentions. But it felt to me like they wanted me to be okay so that they didn't have to feel uncomfortable. Yeah. And I can understand that because if you don't understand grief, like, I don't want people to understand. You know what I mean? It's better to not have how to like experience it. Obviously, we've all dealt with grief in like certain regards, but like to the loss of a person, you know? Yeah, I think it's just been kind of all over the place. Like it comes, of course it like comes in waves. You never know. Like I've heard a lot of people say like year two for me has actually been a lot harder. In different ways, but I've heard a lot of people, specifically with sibling loss, I don't even know if this is true.

Just people that I know, said like year three was their worst year. Hmm. Just for what, like, I don't know what it is. Like, I'm not there yet. So, like, we'll see. But yeah, it just, like, it changes all the time. Yeah. I love that you brought that up about, like, people, like, either not knowing what to say or what to do.

I feel like that is, like, such a common thing. And when I've had people on the podcast and talk about, you know, loss of a sibling or, a parent or a child, it is very much people don't know, like, what to say or how to help. And my, one of my best friends, she lost her dad when she was 16. And I've had, like, a lot of close friends and family recently lose people in their lives. And her and I were talking just kind of about that. And she told me, she was like, I wanted people to, like, everyone was talking to me. like I had bubble wrap on.

And I just wanted people to like talk normal to me and not every time I see someone like them ask how I'm doing. And like in the sense of like, not like, hey, how are you? But like like wanting to like try to have deep conversation. She's like I just want people to just go not go back to normal in a sense because obviously her life's not normal but not to have to like talk about it every time and treat her like. Yeah. You can't talk about whatever you have. going on in your life because it was, you know, if, let's say, like, you know, I didn't get a job,

like, you know, I didn't get this campaign I wanted, but she would still want me to, like, talk about it with her. Yeah. So. I think because your life has been turned upside down when you lose a loved one, and then your relationships kind of get weird because people don't know how to act around you. And then you feel even weirder because you've also lost that sense of normalcy. I get questions a lot. of people either like DMing you and people in real life being like, how can I show up for my friend, they just lost their sibling or their husband or their parent or whatever it is. And everyone is so different. I'm not someone. There's a lot of phrases and things that can be triggering to other people and things like people hate like everything happens for a reason or

parents, a lot of mothers hate like they're in a better place because they're like, no, the best places with me. Even if you don't mean that, they have good intentions. My mom and I both were like, I'm not the grief police. I don't. want to be mad at people for saying the quote wrong thing because like whatever like we've all done our own thing. But that's valid. That's like how you experience that that just wasn't me. The only a lot of your relationships change after it. And I really just appreciated people calling me and treating me like normal. And if there was like some dumb gossip, like something so stupid happening or something in the me like I liked hearing about normal things that were dumb problems

because it took me out of myself. Like if I am calling a friend who's going through. loss. I'm not texting them all the time being like how, like, I'm texting them checking in, but not in obvious ways. Like in the, how are you that just gives a person going through loss, like homework and obviously they're not doing well. So it's like those texts were exhausting. Like I couldn't even reply to them because I didn't have the energy. But if they text me about something dumb, it would kind of like take me away from it. So I will text them and be like, hey, I have crazy gossip. Do you want a distraction? And then literally nine times out of 10, it's a callback within like 30 seconds. Because they want like.

They want some sort of normalcy. For sure. You know? Yeah. No, I feel like I relate to that right now in a different level, not with grief, but obviously with pregnancy. Everyone constantly is just always like, how are you doing? How are you feeling?

Which I love. And like, I have so many wonderful people in my life. And like, I love being able to tell them. But also, like, in the same breath, I still have, like, I feel like I'm constantly so behind on my calls and my text because so many people are reaching. which is so kind and I want, like, I don't want my friends or family hearing this to, like, feel like I'm not appreciative of it. But it's like, it's just a lot. Like, I don't, I wasn't expecting, I wasn't expecting it. And I'm the type of person that wants everyone to feel like seen and I want to

make sure I respond. But it literally will, it literally takes me like five days to respond, especially because like my phone is my work. Yeah. So like, I have all of my teams like texting me throughout the day. And then if you're not like one of the five texts when I'm like done with my day at 7 p.m. Like I like it's over my head until like a couple weeks. And you're literally growing a human. Like you're, it's exhausting. Like you've got things going on. I get it. I think I'm even that I don't know something. I think maybe because I work on my phone, but like we don't we all like, you know, but like something about like a text, I will if I'm like, this is how like the first step that I know that I'm not doing for me personally as well like mentally is when like people start to text me. It like makes

me angry. Because I'm like, I'm so overwhelmed right now. Like, that is my first sign of like, okay, I need to go do something because like clearly I'm on well right now. Yeah. But like, I will get like very, I'm like, I just, because it feels to me, it's like, oh, they need something. They need something. They need something. And I'm like, I can't do that right now. I feel like I'm losing it. But that's like my first sign for myself. Like I'll, I'm like, why am I like, yeah, you know? Yeah. Yeah. No. That's, that's the thing I'm like trying to figure out, especially because I'm, I'm someone, I'm not a three on the enagram, but I'm definitely a two, I'm a two, wing three and I definitely am like a high achieving helper person. Yeah, I'm three wing two.

But okay. I'm going to let Kenzie explain a little what the Nneagram is because I'm not from the South and I'm not a master. No, and the Enneagram is like so church culture core. Like it really is. Yeah. But so a three is the overachiever and then a two is a supporter. I think there's nine because it's the like administrative person. Uh, the peacemaker is nine, seven. Like four and seven are more creatives. There's just different personality types. And when you're a three wing two or two wing three, that just means like our first placement would be three in the, so like, yeah, Tay is a supporter who likes to help people like people overachieve. And I'm an overachiever who needs to, like support everyone and make them also overachieve. That makes sense. Yeah. You should take the test. It's honestly really

helpful. It is for like romantic relationships, but also like working relationships too. When you know how people approach things. Like I find for some reason I have a lot of eights in my life and those are like the challengers and they're like just the very like assertive, confident, protective people. But that is like not my personality

at all. And that's like who I gravitate to. So like they like do things differently. Yeah. I don't know why that is who I gravitate towards. I've moved on to my next personality test obsession. But it's not even a personality test. You know Susie Welch. She's like done a lot of podcasts. She'd be a great guest for you actually. She's amazing. I'm like a Susie Wells evangelist. Like that is like my religion at this point.

Like I tell everyone about her and it comes up every single time I do like any sort of podcast. Yeah. She does this values quiz. I'll send it to you. It's so good. But it's the most helpful that I've ever found within like understanding people and relationships. Like it is so helpful. It's the best thing ever. And she's a genius and like so smart and so cool. She's a fabulous house too. Oh, love her. Love that. Yeah. I'm like anyone with a fabulous house. I'm like, I'm obsessed. No, but she's a genius and I just love her. I definitely heard of her. I need to look more. This episode is brought to you by IQ Bar, our exclusive snack, hydration, and coffee sponsor. IQ Bar, protein bars, IQ Mix, Hydration Mixes, and IQ Joe mushroom coffees are the delicious, low sugar, brain and body fuel you need to win your day.

On busy days, I'm always looking for things that are easy to grab, but still feel like they're actually supporting how I feel. Because there's so many moments throughout the day, whether it's between meetings, after, workout or just needing a quick reset where you want something convenient but also something that actually holds you over. That's what I like about IQ bar. Their ultimate sampler pack is such an easy way to try everything. You get IQ bars, IQ mix, hydration sticks and IQ Joe coffee sticks. So you can kind of switch it up depending on what you need. The IQ mix is great for hydration. It's a zero sugar drink mix with electrolytes that helps you stay on top of that during the day. And then IQ Joe is a mushroom coffee with 200 milligrams of caffeine designed for mental clarity, which makes

it a really easy swap into your morning routine. With over 20,000 five-star reviews and counting, more people than ever are fueling their busy lifestyles with IQ bars, brain and body boosting bars, hydration mixes, and mushroom coffee. Their ultimate sampler pack includes all three. And right now IQ Bar is offering our special podcast listeners 20% off all IQ bar products, including the ultimate sampler pack, plus free shipping. To get your 20% off, text squeeze to 64,000. Text squeeze to 64,000. That's squeeze to 64,000.

Message and data rates may apply, see terms for details. I feel like for me, the biggest thing is just having steady energy throughout the day. Not just that quick boost, but actually feeling focused and present in whatever I'm doing. Because there's such a difference between feeling on top of your day versus trying to catch up. That's where spark energy and focus comes up. in. It's something that's amazing before a workout or even just on a busy day when you want to feel more dialed in. They're really all about steady, controlled energy. It has 120 milligrams of caffeine, but it's balanced with amino acids and taurine so you don't get that jittery, spike,

or crash feeling. And I like that it's zero grams of sugar plus it includes essential vitamins and nutrients that support energy and mental focus. So it feels more than just a typical energy drink. It also tastes really good. It's refreshing, bold, and something that you would actually drink. And overall, it just fits really naturally into your routine. Whether you're starting your morning strong, getting ready for a workout, or pushing through that afternoon slump. And Spark energy and Focus is offering 30% off plus free shipping. Go to DrinkSpark.com and use code squeeze at checkout. That's code squeeze atdrinkspark.com. I feel like hydration is one of those things that's easy to overlook until you actually start paying attention to how you feel throughout the day,

especially on days where you're more active, working out, or just constantly on the go. For me, even just long recording days or getting a workout in, I can tell such a difference when I'm actually staying hydrated versus when I'm not. And lately I've been trying to be more intentional about that, especially when I'm sweating more or just need something that helps me feel a little more replenished. That's why I've been reaching for Gatorade Lower Sugar. Gatorade Lower Sugar has 75% less sugar than Gatorade. It has no artificial flavors, sweeteners, or colors.

Plus, it hydrates better than water, which is actually crazy. And I like it because it is truly such an easy swap. I have one of these ones a day. You guys have seen me post on social media. I have been loving this Gatorade Lower Sugar. It's so easy to incorporate. and honestly for me is such a fun little midday pick me up when I need a little drink to get me through the afternoon slump. I am always reaching for my Gatorade lower sugar.

It's also just really refreshing, which makes it something that I actually want to drink. And I feel like that's half the battle when it comes to saying consistent with hydration. And overall, it just fits really naturally into my routine without feeling like I have to overthink it. It's simple, it works, and it helps me stay on track on those days where I'm more active. or busy. Try Gatorade Lower Sugar Today, available on Gatorade.com and in stores nationwide. Yeah. Wait, what were we talking about within your groups? Oh, I think I was just saying like at that. Oh, pregnancy and text. Yes. Yes. I think I was just saying that that I just like feel pressure with that, which I know, I'm just putting that pressure on myself. But the same thing with you with like when you get

oversimulated. When you get the text messages, that's me. And my husband and I both just had our birthdays like a couple months ago. And it's so funny because we're both like. just like gripping because we have so many people that love us and we feel so loved. But we get so many texts, which is like great. And so like we like are so excited for our birthdays, but also like slightly dread it because there's just like we want to make sure we like respond to everyone. I don't know what that pressure is, but I also think like I think just because of the access. I've actually talked about this a couple of times because of what our phones have given.

Like how much access our phones have given like people to us. I feel like especially then you know, you're getting the text alerts and then you're also getting the Instagram alerts and the TikTok alerts and like the emails. Like they're just everything is constantly popping up on the phone. So I feel like it's like there's just it's too much. Like we're not. It is too much. We're not meant to take that all in. I think about access a lot. I'm like this is kind of crazy that anyone. And with the text that they even though they don't like we're definitely putting this pressure on ourselves. Yeah. But like it does feel like when someone texts you, they need a response immediately. But I do think you're. really right about it's just over-stimulating. Like, I didn't even know what being

overstimulated was until I met my best friend and she's like, queen of being overstimulated. And then I'm like, I literally, like, rubbed off from her. And now I'm like, I'm over-stimulated at all times. Like, I realize I could have a life without being overstimulated, I think. And now I'm like, wait. But I don't know, there's just something. I also think like, I think we both value

being a good friend. Yeah. So you want to show up for everyone and you want to do that to the best of your ability. And yes, the text does not seem that deep. But it can feel that way. especially when you have a lot going on. To me, it's not really the text. It's more of, I mean, it is the text, but the deeper root of that is wanting to show up for everyone and be there for everyone and, like, not having the capacity. Yeah. And like, I feel horrible when, like, someone,

like, I never want people to feel that I'm, like, intentionally not texting them back. Like, I just don't want people to feel like, oh, like, she didn't care enough to do that. But really, I just, like, missed it. Yeah. And yeah, it stresses. It stresses me out. What, what's the answer? I don't know. I've actually. I've actually. I'm actually didn't think about this. Because I'm... Do we go back to the flip phone? Like what?

No. And I'll go to the point where I'm so busy that someone will text you at a game night and I'm like, I'm stressed because I know I can't do it. Yeah. And I'm like, I wish that I could put like a sign, like a do not disturb sign on my phone that's like,

I'm busy for the next six weeks. And like I love you guys so much. But like I'm really, I'm just doing my best. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I need. I need like a doorknob sign, but like on my phone somehow.

It's like an automatic text alert. Yeah. Thank you so much for sending me this. Who do you think you are? Like, can you go get back to you? And it'll look at his manner? They'd be like, okay. I've got me looking into that.

I know. But my best friends literally, I haven't seen them in like two weeks. And they were like, can we see you guys this weekend? And I'm like already stressing about like I have a bridal shower, then I have a birthday party. And like I'm really needed to clean out my closet because there's all my old clothes that don't fit me. And I needed to get the new clothes in. But then I also needed the laundry. I'm like, no, I actually need to like sit down with my best friends.

like see them. And like it's, that is so life giving to me like the laundry can wait. But then at the same time, my brain is like, there's just, there's so many things. No, and like one thing about me, I always have a closet to organize. Like, and I've always, it's always on my making plans. Like, I need to do it all times. Yeah. But we'll trick ourselves into thinking that like that's going to make us feel better when really like time with your friends is going to make you feel better. Yeah. But it feels like in your head, it's like more overwhelming to not get the task done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then you'd be more drained. Mm-hmm. It's true. Okay, let's dive a little bit into like mental health stuff. We kind of, we're talking about grief, but let's just talk about everyday mental health. What does like prioritizing your mental health look? I mean, I guess did you have to kind of prioritize your mental health before you lost your brother? Yes. So I've always had like anxiety and anxiety and I didn't have. Basically, I don't remember a time of my life where I didn't have it. More so anxiety, but definitely of depression as well. And I've been like on and off meds prior to that. Grief is different because grief just hit.

I like hate to say this because I hate people. Something like whenever, after I lost my brother, we were joining like support groups and stuff and there were people in there that are like, it's been 22 years and it feels the exact same. Like that stuff like isn't helpful or encouraging, at least didn't feel that way for me. But like grief really was so much worse than the others

that I had dealt with. But I will say this isn't like a day-to-day thing, but something that I did that was so helpful. Have you heard of brain codes? They're in the brain mapping thing? Kind of, yes. They're in Aspen and Dallas. I actually need to look up their Instagram bias.

I can tell you exactly what it is. But out of anything I've ever done, that was so helpful. And I noticed it specifically. I didn't even finish it because it was like in the middle of what my brother passed away. Yeah. Wait, what is it? Brain codes. Hold on.

I need to find this because this is important. Brain codes. So it's brain code centers. And it's our all natural approach to mental health care. It's your brain's potential, taking back control, achieving your goals. It's just neurofeedback. It is, it was the best thing I ever did because after in the middle of like losing my brother, I was like, okay, I, the fact that my brain is able to operate, it was 1,000% because I had done that prior.

And that whole thing is they want to do it for like six months. And that way you're not in it for the rest of your life. It was the biggest game changer I've ever done for anything like actual like mental. That's not helpful because it's not like a daily ritual. But out of anything I've ever done like therapy, I've done trauma therapy. I've done every single therapy under the book. I've done, like, there is nothing like the brain mapping that I did through brain codes. No, our friends, like, swear by neurofeedback.

It's crazy. My husband and I both have done a little bit of it. And then we started doing it last year. And it was like before summer. And then we were like just gone traveling and we like need to go back. Was yours the ones where they like put a couple things in your head and you just watch either. What did you watch? Kill more girls, obviously.

So I know some people that watch something. And then my place has like a, it's basically like a video game. but you're not playing it. It basically is like you're either in, you can pick what it looks like. So you can either be like in a car race and the car goes when your brain is doing the correct thing. And then when it's not, it like the car slows down and then like the screen starts to go dark. So you can either have that. I pick the one that has butterflies.

And that's basically it. You literally just like sit and stare at the thing. It was the best thing I ever did. And it's crazy because you're sitting there and like I feel like an idiot because there's no way. this is doing anything. I'm literally, I would go in and they would attach things to my head and I would watch Gilmar Girls for 30 minutes, like three times a week. Yeah. I was like, I'm so dumb. Like, I think my woo-woo-ness has, like, gone a little too far. And then it was the best thing I ever did. And I don't know, like, how to properly explain it because the science behind it is just, it's too

advanced for me. But I really think there is such, there is so much to like the subconscious, like our brains, like, we can only control, like, such a small portion of it. And our brain, just does a lot of its stuff on its own. And so I feel like that's a way to tap into it and heal parts of your brain that we couldn't do just like sitting, talking. Have you ever done a scan with Dr. Amen? Okay. So like whatever I did that and then I've done like the brain mapping and all that. So whenever they do a scan of your brain or the however they do it and it comes back, I know mine's going to be bad. Like I know that going into it. I'm so like outgoing and louder a little like bubbly sometimes. So I think that they're just maybe a little like taken aback when I,

like, I don't think that they like see that coming at first. And so they're sitting there like, well, just so you know, like they're not trying to scare me. I'm like, oh, no, no. I'm like, trust me. I'm aware. I'm like, yeah, that looks right. But they're always like, this isn't, they're like, this is curable. We can fix this. And I'm like, no, guys, don't worry. I got you. It's fine. It's totally fun. I'm like, we're so good. I'm like years ahead of you, trust me. I live with it. How long ago was your last. Can't have you only done it once? I only did it once and then they sent me to brain mapping.

Yeah. So I should do an updated one, actually. I've been wanting to do one. I got mine probably in 20... I actually don't know if Taylor and I were... Maybe beginning of 22. Yeah, maybe beginning of 2022. And mine was like so helpful for me because I worked as a COVID nurse and I left and had a lot of like mental stuff.

But I was diagnosed with PTSD from that. And I was like had to... the whole like disassociating, like just all of that stuff. And I was really feeling like a crazy person. But then when I went in and got my brain scan and it was like, oh, no, like you're actually having like depression and like so your PTSD. I was like, I feel so much better. Whereas like my husband was like, I don't want to do this because I don't want to know what's going on. But it gave me. And that's actually a- That's such a female versus male thing. Yeah. I've actually had like quite a few people be like, weren't you like scared to like find out like

when you just like want to like not know. But I was at the point where I was like, I feel, I feel like I'm going crazy. You need an answer. Yeah. And like any answer is better than me just like not knowing and like trying to go to your life, like how I am going to your life with not like the proper help. Totally. It's also for me, it's a little bit of a control thing.

Like it's helpful because I'm like, well, I know that. So at least I have the knowledge now and I can make a decision. You know what I mean? Like I can move forward. If I don't know something, I'm just going to stay in this forever. Yeah. I've noticed, I've come to realize by myself, I kind of thought it was a claustrophobic thing, but now I think it's a control thing that I've developed. So I know a lot of friends that developed OCD from working as nurses, which I think is a common thing that I had no clue of. But when after like working through COVID, I developed like really bad claustrophobia as well. After that, I developed a fear of like flying and I wouldn't like if people, Like, I only really liked my husband driving me in the car.

Like, I never, like, properly felt, like, safe in something. And I always thought it had to do with, like, claustrophobia. But now, as if literally, like, a month ago and I was on a plane, I think it's actually more so I'm just not in control. And I had such a lack and loss of control during that time period that now it's hard for me to, like, actually, like, not, like, I just am very tense in situations that I can't control. Totally. I am too.

I'm, like, not even with that. I think so many of my issues, like, boil down to control. Yeah. But I'm like, but I'm really easygoing. Why is that? But then I, but then I also have things where I'm like, I literally, like, I don't, like, I don't care majority of the time. I actually weirdly am very laid back.

I grew up with eight siblings, so you had to be. Oh, wow. So like, like six of them step. But I, like, there was so much going on. I actually, I'm shockingly laid back. Like, you wouldn't think that. But when it comes to my day to day, yeah. There are certain things that I have to do.

I think control, like, we don't ever actually have real control. So it gives you a false sense of control to where you think you have everything handled or you can fix it. Whereas like none of us even really actually have control. So it's just like this never ending cycle that just kind of makes you like go crazy. And make, I mean, I make bad decisions based off it, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And I'm just like really curious to see how this evolves for me, like becoming a parent.

Yeah. I'm already like, dear God, help me now. I feel like it makes you give up a lot of control. I hope. I think it goes probably one of the other. Like, you know what they say, like, your first, you're really by the book and the second, they're like, oh, you're fine, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I don't.

It'll be a journey. Yeah. We're going to, we're going to see how that goes. I'm curious what, if you have an answer for this, what parts of yourself are you, if any, still learning to accept? That's such a good question. Honestly, I do think it's that I'm just, like, am a lot more controlling than I thought I was. Yeah. Like, I've noticed it more in my relationship because my boyfriend Charlie is like literally,

the most perfect angel. You go anywhere, like, multiple people when I have introduced them have cried because, like, spending time with him, he just is like the best person you've ever met. And he's so great and so easygoing. And like I, he's like perfect with me too. We're like the perfect match, but like he is very patient with me and whatever. And there's certain things that it's not that, like, will bother me, but it's not his fault at all. He's not doing anything wrong. It's just the fact that I feel like it's the dumbest, smallest stuff, but it's control. And I think that Yeah. It's just been more highlighted to me through our lives, like, coming together.

Yeah. So I think that that, because it's also kind of hard because, like, I'm weirdly am, it sounds like being picked me or like an idiot, but like I weirdly am laid back in other. Like, if we're on a group trip, I'm the first one to sleep on the couch. I don't care where I sleep. I don't need a nice seat. I don't care about that stuff. Yeah.

And that's all, like, growing up with a lot of siblings. So I think it's, like, the weird things with control, like, give me, like, some sort of, like, false sense of control. Yeah. Also, because I've tried to be like with mental health, I try to be really like proactive. Like, I'm really affected by my environment. So I need my house to be clean. So I keep it clean and organized. I know that on myself. I work way better when I'm a routine. And if I'm working out, it makes me feel it's way more for my mental health. Like, I have things set in place to be proactive with my mental health rather than like reactive so that I don't get into a bad place. With that being said, of course, I still will. But like I try to avoid it as

much as possible. So I think it's just, I don't know, I think the aspects of like control that I'm trying to be like let go of for sure. What are some like non-negotiables for you in your routines? I have to work out. If I don't work out, I go crazy. I love to, I read a lot. I don't meditate. But someone told me once that was a smart person. They said that, oh, actually, it was whenever I was doing my, one of the mapping things. Okay. They said the weirdest part about this brain, They couldn't figure it out. This brain. They're like, this brain that we're really unsure about.

No, they're not scaring about the way when they do this. I'm just being funny. But they said that the part of your brain that would be highlighted with your meditator was like very healthier green or in the clear, whatever it was the way that they showed it to you. And they said, do you meditate? And they said, no, but I read a lot. And they're like, that's what it is. So there's something about reading that makes me calm down a lot.

I like any, I'm really big on hobbies. And I need hobbies that you. that use your hand. So, like, I garden a lot. I, like, actual garden, like, with a shovel, not, like, smoking. Yeah. And then, um, I'm like, that's my hobby. And then I, like, needlepoint. It's like, it's like very grandma hobbies. But those things are so meditative. Like, I wake up every single morning at 6 a.m. And, like, Charlie has my exact blanket that I want out, like gets my coffee, my eye patches, lights the fire. It lights a candle and I go and I sit. Like, I'm 85 years old. Okay. And I needlepoint for an hour. And then that just, like, makes me so calm. And then I go

workout. So I have like hobbies in workouts and stuff. Like those are my non-negotiables that I have to do. Yeah. To like be okay. And it's helped me a lot because I don't do scroll nearly as much as I did before because I have other things that I would now rather do. For sure. I couldn't just like stop doom scroll. I'm all addicted. There's no way. I still do scroll, of course. But like it's easier for me now because I have other things that I would like to do instead of just like sit there and like break myself out of my phone and be like, okay, now what do I do? Yeah. No, that's good. Do you journal? Yeah. I like go in and out of that. I was really into morning pages for very long time. So I love morning pages. I'll do like a divo. Like I'll do things like that. I'll go in and out of my like routine with that, like a quiet time or something. Like I'll go in and out of my

routine there. Yeah. But that's also very helpful. You know, I definitely feel like I feel like I feel my best when I have that like quiet time in the morning routine. I'm like still trying to figure out exactly what that is. I was really good for probably like four months. I was doing like journal, devotional like every single morning. And you feel amazing. And it feels so great. And then I got pregnant and then I died during my first trimester and I still haven't made that like jump back into it yet. But it's, I have the same thing of like, of my routine of like waking up and I feed the dogs. And I open the door. Then I like the candle. Then I put my jazz music out. Like it's like very much. It just like feels so nice. Have you ever done the draw the circle divo? Uh-uh. I think it's like Mark Batterson or something like that. I don't even know who the author is at all. But it's so good. And it's really interesting because it like ties to history. Oh. which I like. There's certain aspects of it that obviously I don't agree with. But like, there's things that are just like, it's just more interesting to me. Yeah. Because it ties to history and I like that stuff. Okay. And it's not like history and isn't the lay you're learning in school. It's just,

history is a bad way to put it. It just gives you life examples like situations that have happened in the past. Yeah. So in my head, like, so I'm like reading historical a book. I mean, that would be, what kind of books do you read. That's what I was going to ask earlier. Okay. So actually I have, I'm so happy that you asked this question. Because I recently, I'm like actually been dying for someone asking this question. Because I recently started reading historical fiction and you couldn't tell me that I'm not the smartest girl in the world. Because I feel so good about myself. It's so funny. Like Bridgerton like times or what? I read, well, I was on like a really big Vietnam kick earlier this year. I read. I've been reading a lot of Kristen Hannah. Like she's like the most probably like easiest historical fiction author to reach. She's the most popular.

Okay. Like in the mainstream. I know nothing. So okay. So good. So I love obviously just Hayst is my number one. But I love, before I was always reading, like, romance and thriller. Would Jessus be historical fiction? No. Jessica is in a realm of her own. She's in a league of her own. I actually don't even know what her, like, what it would be.

Yeah, I've even talked to her brother's. I'm like, I literally do not know. Like, we've actually talked about this in the podcast. She's been on my show like probably 10 times. And like, I've read every second. I read the books before they come out. And I still couldn't tell you what genre they are. Yeah.

Because they're just, she's a job. genre of around. Yeah. But now I'm on this historical fiction cake. Like, thank God you asked me so I can tell everyone that I do read historical fiction now. And they're so good. I read. Oh, I also read this book earlier this year called The Correspondent. Do you like reading at all? I really want to get into it. Okay. I can give you like any. And I got a Kindle too because I was like really wanting to I'm almost done with Matthew McConaughey's book. Perfect. And I've been loving that. Okay. So you like a memoir. I don't, I really don't know. I want to try. I will do a curated this for you. I want to try fiction book, though. That's my thing. Because I feel like I actually

would really enjoy like a like full. I feel like Matthew's book is like, he just tells so many stories. And I'm like hearing him like like read it to me in my head as I'm reading it. Um, and it like actually has like, yeah, literally. Yeah. It like has pulled me out. But I want to try all of my, all of my girlfriends read and they're all like. I know. You really are in the reader group of friends. My favorite of Jesse's books is actually conditions of will. Okay. And that, I think you would like. I read earlier this year The Correspondent, which was so good.

It's Virginia Evans. And it's told through letters, which I thought I wouldn't like. But then I thought about it. And I'm like, that's really not that different infrastructure because that's basically how a book is written, you know? Yeah. And it's this woman who's like telling the story of her life. It's so good. Like five-star read.

The women, Kristen Hannah, is like, one of my favorite books of all times, like all time. But it's, that's like a universal favorite. Yeah. I just was reading so many five stars this year. I was in a really bad book stump last year. This year, it's really, I don't, I'm not a big romanticist, like, romantasy girl. That's what a lot of my friends are. I know. And I just, that's all she reads.

And I don't know. Also, because those books are, like, so, like, big. It's a lot to start with, yeah. So, they, like, scare me. It's intimidating. But then all, like, all of the movies are coming. Keaton actually really wanted me to read The Housemaid, like, a long time. before they even, but then the movie came out and I just saw the movie. I'm like, okay, well, I don't really. Yeah, I don't have to. I will make you a curated list and I'll give you, like, little blurbs of like why I think you would like that. Yeah. It's on, it's on my to-do, like, over summer before I have this baby of like, just sit with a Kindle and like read. There's also this book right now, strangers that is the talk of the town. Oh, my God, Bell Burden, love her. Would do anything for that woman. But it's this memoir, my boyfriend gets you and like, oh, you love this divorce book. It's like, it's this memoir of this one. It's this memoir of this one. It's this one. It's this one. It's this one. It's this one. It's this one. It's this one. It's this

woman's divorce, which sounds really not great. Yeah. But you read it. It's a very quick read. You're really interested. It keeps you. I read it in less than 24 hours. I would have read it in one sitting had I had the time that day. It was so good. And it's a quick read. And I like to recommend books that everyone's talking about because like the community around books is like half the fun. Yeah. So it's cool to like hear the discourse and stuff and like be in the know because there's so many like interviews and stuff she's doing right now. But she's also amazing. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to need. I'm going to need this. So that's a good podcast guys for you. I'm like just pitching your podcast. Yes. It's a really good We're going to end this and you're going to like email me like a hole, like,

hearing your books, here are you future guys? I have homework. Yeah. The achiever and you're just going to like go type it all up. That's me being a three wing too. Yep. Yeah, truly. It truly is.

The last question I have for you is if someone is listening to this right now and feels behind where they're at in life, what would you say to them? Okay, a couple like tangible practical things. You need to go on a walk and listen to like Vienna or something. Like you're not behind. That's not a real. thing that doesn't exist. Also, watch who you're following online. My favorite accounts to follow are old people. Like, I like someone who's in a retirement home or could be in a retirement home.

And they're always telling you the same thing, which is like, don't put so much pressure on yourself. It's not that big of a deal. You're going to like figure it out in due time. I also, a lot can change in a year. Like, I was in the worst place I've ever possibly been in. And the past year and a half year in my life is outside of grief is better than it's ever been now. And it's just so much can happen in a year. So don't live by some fake made-up timeline. It's not a thing. Like that's something that you're like pressure that you're putting on yourself.

This is coming from someone who has lived by a fake made-up timeline my whole life. Like I have done nothing but put pressure on myself. I also try to think about myself like what my 60-year-old self would say to myself now. And I know every time it's going to be like you're putting too much pressure on yourself, it's going to work out with or without you. Like you worrying does not change the outcome, but it does make you miserable. And it also might make the outcome worse because you might start doing, making bad decisions based out of like desperation or stress or whatever it is.

That's so true. So go on a walk, listen to Vienna. You'll be fine. Just calm down. And like there is no timeline. Like you just. Also, I have, I, something that I would do too because, you know, I was the made up timeline queen myself.

Yeah. I would Google people. I also weirdly did this with grief. I would Google people, these are like two separate things. I would Google people who were, like, people who achieved success, like, quote later in life. I literally did, like, multiple podcast episodes on, like, listing these people off. And, like, there's life stories. Yeah.

I love someone that decided to go to, like, med school in their 60s or something, like, changed their life completely. Like, life is short, but it's also very long. You have so many things that you can do. I would do that also with grief. I would Google, like, celebrities only because it was, you could see their life. Like, obviously, a private person doesn't, like, sharing their life on the internet. Yeah.

But I would Google celebrities of people who have lost siblings. So I could see that they still had a good life outside of that. Like that would give me some sort of hope. So finding like random people out there that are kind of like the answer to your problem and like seeing them from afar personally helped me a lot. Yeah. I love that. That's a great way to end this episode. Yay.

Thanks for having me on. It was so fun. Thanks for coming and chatting and yapping. I had to like look at the clock. I was like, oh, we're just literally have sat and talked for another hour. Well, good, we will actually. Yeah. We have to.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.