The Squeeze - Mary Bonnet: Selling Sunshine

Episode Date: September 18, 2024

TW: Sexual Assault and MiscarriageIn this week’s episode, the Lautners are joined by Selling Sunset star Mary Bonnet! To start off, Mary opens up about the challenges of being an introvert in the public eye and how she sets boundaries between what she shares with the world and what she keeps private. She discusses her decision to write her memoir, Selling Sunshine, and reflects on her journey through motherhood, from getting pregnant at 15 to facing the heartbreak of miscarriage. Mary also shares how EMDR therapy and other mental health tools have supported her through difficult times, and reveals what she’s most proud of in herself through all of the highs and lows!Be sure to find Mary on Instagram! https://instagram.com/themarybonnet/Preorder 'Selling Sunshine' here: https://www.harpercollins.com/pages/SellingSunshineTo email us your questions or share your story, you can reach out to [e-mail] sure to rate, review, and follow the podcast so you don't miss an episode! Plus, follow us on Instagram:The Squeeze:  https://instagram.com/thesqueeze/Tay Lautner: https://instagram.com/taylautner/Taylor Lautner: https://instagram.com/taylorlautner/& TikTok:  https://tiktok.com/@thesqueezepodcastTo learn more from The Lemons Foundation, follow  https://instagram.com/lemonsbytay/ and visit lemonsbytay.comEpisode Sponsors:Head to orgain.com/.SQUEEZE and use code SQUEEZE for 20% off your order.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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but they know there's something wrong. How do I say this? I was either just completely numb, and then I would just like uncontrollably cry. I went through a decent depression, like for about six months. This life of glitz and glam. People assume that's just your everyday life. You are coming clean and opening up about that more than ever.

What made you decide to talk about everything you've been through? It's hard to talk about. I don't think people are open enough, especially with the, um, the r-a-oh. It was I, you cope. You just like, you go into self-preservation mode. You've shared about doing it from a sexual assault incident. I have reaction.

We laying a bed and if he rolls over and touched me, I'm like, I just like, jolt. We were supposed to go to a scene at my house. We thought that we were going to get the ultrasound and like come show that. Instead, like, you know, found out that I miscarried. When life gives you lemons, what do you do with them? Over here at the squeeze, we talk about it. Mary, welcome to the squeeze. Thank you.

We are so excited to have you. I have some very important questions that I have to ask you. And I'm going to do it before we get into this. Wow. What is this? It just got real thing. Okay. You just posted an old Hollywood murder mystery party that you did.

Yes. We love like game nights, dinner parties. I have to hear like I have to hear all the details about this. We've been wanting to do something like this. Yeah. You have to. And this company that did it, it was for my sister's birthday. And she loves theme parties.

She loves the 20s. And we used to play Clue as kids. I didn't realize she's still into Clue. I mean, who knew? But so she wanted it to be like a Clue-themed kind of party. And I was like, it's kind of a tough ass. But it was epic. And the people that came, they help keep you on point and help guide the whole murder mystery.

I have ADD, so I'm like, no one wants me to keep them on point. Right. But the company was great. It was so much fun. Everyone had a blast. And it's so funny, like how into it everybody started getting. Oh, yeah. Because we're dressed up.

And then people that I would never think just started like getting into character. And I'm like, oh, I die. You're like doing all this stuff. And I'm like, where did that come from? My mom, even. Oh, my gosh. And she's sitting there. she's like, uh-huh, uh-huh, like doing all of this stuff, like, because she was the detective.

And it was, it was so much fun. You guys have to do it. Oh, yeah. So this jar, it's a little thing called Citrus Got Real. If you want to pull a little question out of there. Okay. And we can see what it says. I know there's a lot there. It's a tough decision. Got to pick the right one. Drum roll. If you could only use one skincare product for the rest of your life, what would it be, oh my God, I'm a product junkie. You could actually answer this too. You like skincare. Well, I would just go moisturizer. But is there like one that you'd like?

It's okay. It's so hard to pick, right? What am I using right now? Am I using... Your favorite is the Tacha one. The Tacha? The water cream. Yeah. The blue one. Yeah. I like Jan Marini is really good. And then there's a brand that I don't. know if a lot of people know about it because it's newer in the states it's a korean brand a metacube

it is so good and i use i've got all these different um like the different lines of it and i i tend to use at least one of their brands every night i'm the worst like i put different stuff on every day i know you're supposed to stick with one regimen but i'm like but i don't want you there's so many options so whatever my skin needs i use yeah no i relate to that i know i think mine would be I feel like I would have to go a moisturizer too. I have this one that's from this company Bloom, but it's spelled B-L-U-M-E. And it's for acne-prone skin. They have like an oil and they have a moisturizer, which I like swear by like probably like a year ago, was having like a really bad acne flare up and that's all I used. And my skin since then has been like amazing.

Amazing. Yeah. I love hearing about new products. I know. Not that I need that. But I would love to see your stinkair collection. It's pretty sad. Impressive. Impressive. That's a better word for it. It's impressive. Very better word for it.

So something that I've learned about you, which is interesting, is that you're actually an introvert. I am. I love that for you. How has that adjustment been like being a public figure but also like being an introvert? I didn't know I was an introvert until I became a public figure. Oh, okay. Yeah.

But my therapist told me that the way I know that is because extroverts get energy and stuff from being around other people, being in the middle of a step, and introverts need to retract and be by themselves to charge their batteries. And then you can go back out. Like, I'm fine being in front of people. I'm fine. And being up on stage and I can present at the Emmys or something, I've got no problem doing that. But I need my alone time and I need my space to just like regroup, recharge, and then I can go out and have energy.

But I just, yeah, it's been interesting for sure. And I'm sure you know, like lack of privacy, just going to dinner or something. I'm like, I've had to leave dinners a thousand times with my husband. We try to go on a date night, and I'm like, maybe I can't do it. Yeah. If I'm up on stage, again, people can stare at me, and I'm like, well, that's why I'm here for. Yeah. But going to dinner and I'm trying to have a private conversation and people are staring or whispering or secretly filming, I'm like, uh-uh.

Like I just, I don't, let's go home and eat. I, yeah, I, we get it. I feel like I relate to that a lot. I feel like you, I don't know. You do too. You're better. You're better with it, I think, just because you've been dealing with this for quite some time. But, like, when, like, you're in the mindset of, like, you know, being on stage, like, you're going out to, like, a premiere, you're going, like, to an event, whatever.

You're, like, you're on and you're there. Yeah, that's work mode. Yeah. And my brain, like, switches. Yeah. I think that's what I had to do is, like, like, I have two hats. I've got, like, Private Mary, which I don't think there's really such thing anymore. But then also just like that's my work hat.

And I go out and everything's fine. But if I forgot to put that other hat on, and I'm like, oh, what's happening? Yeah. Yeah, I got to get better at switching the hats. And it's important to get that like recharge so that you can continue going out and being public married. Absolutely. Yeah. How have you were, I guess what have you found helpful to kind of like set a boundary?

Because, I mean, you share a lot about your life, you know, on the show, social media. everything, how do you, have you kind of been able to like set a boundary of like, okay, maybe I'm not going to share this or we are going to share this? That, with my book, that's where I realized I had to really make a decision on that one. If it affects anybody else that I care about and they're not ready for me to be open about that or something, then I will not go there. I won't talk about things that could make them feel awkward or uncomfortable. But if it's just me, I'm pretty much an open book. I mean, I don't say everything. I mean, there's some stuff that just details aren't important. But

if it can help anybody else, then I just, why not? Yeah. I love that. A lot of people, I feel like, would assume because you're on this hit reality TV show, you live this life of glitz and glam, that that's just like your everyday life. And that's, you know, you've always had that. But I mean, you've actually, you've, you've been through a lot in life. And it wasn't always, you know, glitz and glam. Um, anything but. Yeah. And you, you are, you know, coming clean and opening up about that more than ever in your memoir, selling sunshine, which is out next week. Yeah, yeah, September 24th. It's available for pre-order, though.

It is. Oh, thank you. We'll link it down below, don't worry. But what made you decide now was the time to do that and talk about all, everything you've been through? It's kind of been, I never thought I would. I mean, I was like, why would anybody want to hear my story or whatever? But then the more I get from social media and then from meeting people out, I have a lot of people coming up and just saying, thank you for anything I do talk about when it comes to like just being a single mom and how hard that was the teenage single mom. Like my son never really had a father and stuff and how much of a struggle that was and how I just, I still yell myself all the time about all the time.

the mistakes I made and how I, you know, I just didn't know what I was doing. I was a baby trying to raise a baby and it's broken and just trying to figure it out, just take it day by day, keep them alive. That was basically my rule. Just keep them alive. And so I still guilt myself about that, but, you know, you do the best you can. And people said stuff about that. And then when, I guess with the miscarriage, I'm just trying to fertility struggles.

and stuff. I think a lot of people reached out on that one where even men would come up there, like, I cannot thank you enough for, like, watching me go through that. Like, their wives were going through it or were in the middle of a miscarriage while they were watching it. And they said it completely, they were just depressed and it helped them. It made them feel like they weren't alone and where it's not, just making it not so taboo and like, oh, you're not allowed to talk about this because it's, it's lying. And a lot of people go through things that they shouldn't ever have to go through or if it's like sexual assault or whatever. Like I go into a lot of things on my book. And I don't think people are open enough about it.

And it's hard to talk about. But there's way too many people that are suffering and go through things. So if it can just help one person, it's worth it. You say that you never thought you. would talk about it. Was it scary? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was hard, especially with the, um, with, um, the rape. It was I, you know, your body just, you cope and you, you just like, you go into self-preservation mode. And so I had to keep reliving it over and over. I had to describe it and talk about it. And I had to go back. I forgot the person's name or what they look

like because of my body. When I'm trying to remember, it was so hard. I had to talk. I had to talk to my therapist a lot and there was tons of crying involved. But trying to go back to that place and not only just tell it once, but then I had to reread the book and do the editing and the editing and be like, no, hang on. That didn't happen to hang on. Let me think. And it was like I went through EMDR and stuff like that to try to help disassociate like different things. But, you know, I still struggle with stuff from that. I think probably always will just. But, but, you know, it's Learn to manage it.

Yeah. Wow. I mean, thank you for writing this book because I feel like it's going to help a lot of people and putting yourself through that. Yeah. Having to, you know, relive that and just go through the process of having to write it and read it and read it. Because I can only imagine how hard that is.

So we're going to kind of dive into aspects, all those little aspects in this episode, which I'm excited about. Okay, so when I started working in the hospital, my schedule was just all over the place busy. And, you know, I was working 12-hour shifts, sometimes just only having like a quick 30-minute break throughout that shift. And getting the nutrition and protein that my body actually needed was vital for me because I wasn't really able to get that until I discovered our next sponsor organ. And it was a game changer. I originally found them in Costco. And I was like, oh, you know, I need some protein. This little drink seems great, quick and easy on the go. And my thoughts were proven true because these protein drinks, they taste delicious. I'm truly, like, obsessed with them and I'm picky about taste. But they're just so easy to, like, bring on the go.

I'd throw them in my lunchbox. I drink them in the car. You know, have a couple sips in between, you know, on my water break, in between, like, seeing patients. And these drinks have 30 grams of protein in them. And they're an excellent source of complete protein. with all nine essential amino acids in them. And it just helps keep you going and give you that energy that you really need.

Orgain 30 grand protein shakes are available at Costco and at orgaine.com. If you want to get in on the delicious protein pack nutrition today, head toorgaine.com slash squeeze and use code squeeze for 20% off your order. Once again, that's O-R-G-A-I-N dot com backslash squeeze for 20% off and make sure you use my promo code squeeze so they know that we sent you. I'd love to kind of start from the beginning about you becoming a mom at 16. When you found out that you were pregnant, were you just like terrified?

Like what were those thoughts? Oh, man. I was 15. So, good John Mary. Yeah, 15. First guy ever had sex with. Oh, wow.

There you go. Wow. I was just in shock, honestly. Like, I had no idea what I was going to do. Yeah, I was going to ask, do you, like, were you just like, I'm pregnant? I'm keeping this baby. This is mine. Did you ever think about, like, giving a baby up for adoption or, like, what, like, did you

ever have those thoughts? My mom tried to get me to give the baby up for adoption. I don't know why because I'm not, I'm not anti-abortion at all. Like I just, I just, it wasn't an option for me. I was raised Catholic. But that still didn't, I knew a bunch of my friends that had abortions and stuff. And it wasn't like I judged them or, or thought that it was wrong. I mean, in certain situations, I mean, there's always like, yeah, women's right to do whatever. But, um, I just couldn't do it. I can't explain it. Yeah. I think you knew it was the decision that you had to make. Yeah. Wow. Was your family, after you decided you were going to have the baby and raise him, was your family, like, supportive of it? Were they like, goodbye? What was your relationship with them? Oh, it was tough for a while. I think my dad, like, I just love my. my dad so much and he's such a sensitive person, I think just seeing him just cry and just the disappointment. It broke my heart. I mean, that right there, like they, my mom didn't have to do the yelling. I mean, she did, but she didn't have to because, I mean, it broke me just watching his baby

girl just like disappoint him so much. And so, but they were, they were good about it after that. once I decided, I mean, obviously mad and tried to teach me a lesson kind of for, well, really, but for my whole life, really. I mean, but they did it for a good reason. They were just like, no, you chose this. And we're not going to watch him for you to go out and party or go out with your friends. You're a mom.

Be a mom. And so they were very, very strict with me. However, if it came to school or because I went to college right after and I never went to a party in college. I didn't have a sitter and couldn't afford to sitter. But if I were for school and I did clinical work and I had to be down like at the hospital like before his daycare opened, then my dad would pick him up and he would take him to the daycare and stuff. So they would help me make sure I would further my education and stuff.

But they would not. Not for party. Not for party and not for having fun. They're like, you give up fun when he had your kid when he got pregnant. So I was going to ask if you weren't able to like finish school or like if you just had to go like straight to working. No, I did. I did finish school. Just got, just got loans. And I worked like three jobs. So I really didn't see my son that much when when I was younger because I had to go to my classes. And then I would go to another place for clinical work in a hospital. I did radiology, a radiology tech.

And then I would work in a restaurant at night. I was a waitress. So I slept about, I don't know, three hours a night maybe. Yeah. Gotten a couple of wrecks from falling asleep at the wheel. Yeah. Oh, gosh. Yeah.

Was, so when you got pregnant, was your son's dad involved in the slightest? Was he like, peace out? What was your guys' relationship there? He was there at the time while I was pregnant. She cheated on me while I was pregnant. Great guy. But still, he was there for the first couple months. He, around six months old, he just, he did something really stupid, very dangerous for with my son when I was at work. And so I just, he had to have supervised visitation at that point. And then he had to have supervised visitation at that point. And then he, He would come and just try to talk to me the whole time and not visit with my son Austin. And so my mom was there. Now she's like, no, this is your time with your son. You focus on him, not her, because we'd broken up at that point.

And so then I would make myself scarce whenever he was over. So that kind of happened. And he just stopped showing up. Okay. So around the last time he saw him was probably around when he was a year old. Was that the last time you like talked to him? Or? He called, no, he called one time.

Years, years later when Austin was, must have been around nine maybe. Oh, wow. And no, he was maybe seven, something like that. And he called and he was like, hey, what are you doing? He got my number from somebody else. I was already out in California because he's back in Indiana. And I thought, oh my God, he's like growing up.

up and matured. He wants to be involved now. And I, you know, was, I had just, or was getting ready to get married to my first ex-husband. And he called and just started asking questions. I'm like, where's he going with this? But never brought my son up. And I was like, I don't know what you want me to say. You know, I'm like, he kept saying, what are you doing? What are you up to? I was like, I don't, I'm just taking care of Austin and, you know, just working. And he's like, oh, Austin, how is that kid? Oh, my God. Oh, Austin. Oh, my God. What is he now? Like, I was like, he literally forgot he had a child. Like, got it. I'm laughing, but this is so bad. No, I know. Because it's laughable. Like, how I don't even, is that possible? I mean, apparently, but. Guys sometimes, like, I mean. I mean.

That's insane. Uh-huh. So, no, that was the last time I heard from him, though. And then it went straight back after that. I was like, he's for the best. He's good. He's good. Yep.

Nothing's changed. Nothing's changed. And so, yeah, that was last. Then he went back to, okay, so went back to what I was doing and stuff. And then, okay, bye. Never heard from him again. All right. Okay.

Moving on. Yep. Oh my gosh, that is, that is wild. Does that answer your question? It does. It answered it more than I thought it would be answered. I thought you weren't expecting that. I was not.

I just, that. How is that kid? Yeah. Literally that kid. It was like, it's just, it's absurd. I've literally never heard of that before. I hope you never do again. Oh my gosh.

So after those like early years of raising your son, did you ever feel like, Was there ever a moment where you were like, came up for air? You were like, okay, like, I actually like, not have it figured out, but I actually know what I'm doing. Like this, like, yeah, I guess you were able to come up for air. If that makes sense. Just with like working, like getting in a groove, like where you ever like, okay, like I'm like. Sometimes.

Yeah. When I met my first ex-husband, I think that that's, and he passed away. So that's, I've had a couple of marriages. but that one was unfortunate. He allowed me. He was an attorney. And he, and so we,

it wasn't a struggle financially or anything. So I was actually able to stay at home and I worked in Austin school and with volunteer time and stuff. So it was the first time where I was able to be like a real mom. Yeah. And be at home and like,

like do all the mom things and have the kids come over for playdates. and be able to be there like other moms dead. Yeah. And not just like, okay, this setter, pick them up, take them this center so I can go to this job and all those things. Like I never, I was able to be normal for once and it was really great. Yeah. So how did you and your husband remain meet? From work.

Actually, yeah, when I was getting back into real estate because I moved to London and New York and I came back. And so I got back into real estate. And, but, you know, it's hard. It takes a while to build up your clientele. Because when I started, I was in the South Bay. And then when I came back, I'm in the Hollywood Hills. And so you have to build up your clientele, get back into it. And it's expensive to start, too.

So I bartended at a place, Catana on sunset. Oh, wow. And I bartended. And then I was a real estate assistant during, like, the mornings. and then I would go into the Alphenheim group in the afternoons and start working on things, go drive around the area to get to know like this area. And then I would go bartend at night. So at that time, I was still like taking on anything.

It was like he was just coming over from France for a lease because he was being brought over for work. He was a pastry chef. And so, yeah. And so he was being brought over. I'd talk to him via WhatsApp for maybe. four months. Like, his visa got delayed. But I helped one of his, the other people that they brought over as well find something, but

Romaine's got delayed. So I never looked at this picture because I had a boyfriend at the time. Okay. And then we broke up. He was just very jealous type and didn't want me being around Jason and didn't want me doing the show. And then, and then. And then he also cheated.

So, and so we broke up. And I finally went to go meet Romaine. And I had no idea still. I hadn't looked. You didn't know what he looked like at that point. No, I did not. I'm sure that was a nice surprise. It was an amazing surprise.

I, yeah, I thought my mouth was probably on the floor because he gets. And at that time, too, he's always a big guy at that time. this man was ripped. I mean, he was like Adonis. Like, like, he gets in the car. His legs were this big, big muscles popping out everywhere. And I was like, oh, hi. Hi. Hi. I was like, oh, my God. Like, what in the world? Like, I had no idea. And so, but we got along so well. Like, right when, right from the start, it felt like we had known each other forever. And what, I think the second place we went to, the guy thought we were a couple. Because he was like, you guys, give us. a couple vibes. Sorry, I didn't know you were like the agent. And I was like, oh, huh, huh.

Really? Tell me more. Really? Yeah, we went on our first date about a week later and been together. Yeah, been together about seven years. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Can he still whip up some pastries? He can, but he doesn't. Yeah. I know. Well, he did for my birthday. We went down French pastries and like the way to do it you need certain equipment and certain material

I guess ingredients that you don't normally use here so you have to have certain kitchens to do a lot of the things but he went down his best friend Clement is a French pastry chef in San Diego

and he's got his own like little shop and stuff like that he's amazing and so we went down to his kitchen and he bakes me a birthday cake last year for that. Oh my gosh. That's so sweet.

You are a huge advocate for women's health. And I imagine a lot of that is because of some of the stuff you've had to go through. And one of those that you have been somewhat open about is your miscarriage. What, going back to that time, what did life look at? like in that moment and what gives you hope to, you know, keep trying? Oh. You know, well, I've had miscarriages before and I didn't know why until recently. I had done in vitro.

I've had miscarriages. I tried to do the embryo freezing. And so this time, it actually, like, it was a surprise pregnancy. We went to Bali and we'd been super stressed out. just bought the house, went to Bali, got pregnant. And it was like, surely, like, I wasn't pregnant because I was like so quick. Yeah. And, but it happened.

And then doing it on camera, I honestly, I wouldn't change it, I guess, like, the way I did it because I signed up for this. And so it is, you know, it's reality and it does help people. But I, most people wait for a reason, right? And they don't tell until you're. in that safe zone. And I didn't do that. I was so excited and I just couldn't, I just wanted to tell everybody.

Yeah. And, of course, like, you know, once I found out that I miscarried, it was, you're not just doing that to, like, trying to figure it out and deal with it then, but like the production, they come over, they have cameras on your face and, like, doing all this stuff. And, and Romaine was, like, very protective.

Right when we left that, we were supposed to go do a scene at my house right after we left the doctors, but we thought that we were going to get like the ultrasound photos and, and like come show that. And then instead, like, you know, found out that I miscarried. And so. And they wanted to film that? Yeah.

And so it remains like, see what happens. If you're at my house, when we get back, see what happens. And so he's very, very protective. And they were like, well, we just. want to catch it. Like, you know, in the moment, we'll be very respectful. We'll, we'll pull, like, the team down and only have a couple of cameramen. We'll stay out of your way. And he was like, not today. We need a day. Just do not be here when we get back. And so, so they did give me that day. They came first thing in the morning. But at least I had a couple

hours to grieve alone. But, yeah, it was, it was interesting. You know, I think, think I went through a lot of ups and downs where I was either just completely numb and and then I would just like uncontrollably cry and but it hit me harder this time for some reason. I didn't think I've had miscarriages before but it hit me harder this time and I don't exactly know why but I went through like I've never been depressed I don't think really of all the things I've gone to I've never actually been depressed but I went through like a decent depression, like for about six months after it happened. And I just kind of pull myself out of it.

It was really tough. Like, I would get up and I would, like, go do what I had to do and put a smile on. And, you know, just be me. But then I just want to go home, I'm like, I just, it was a rough time. Yeah. When the show was going to air, I don't know how long of a time span that was. were you like prepared to like have to relive that and like now really like you already had to do it publicly because there was you know the crew and like everyone that you film with knew but like it was then opening up to the world yeah having to do that again yeah what was were you like prepared for that or what was that experience that was um i had just just started coming out of of the depression i think because it was about it's about six months between when we're done filming and then when it airs. And so I just started coming out. So that was a good

thing, like where I was mentally able to start talking about it more and stuff. But then it's like right when you get out, then you have to rewatch it. And it's like you don't see yourself like on like when it's happening and relive that, watch it and then relive it and then do all the press and you have to talk about it over and over and over and over again. And so. That was something. But it was good. There was a good response to it and it helped people. So and that's what now I just take from it is that, you know, it might as well.

I mean, I can't change what happened from me, but I can help other people by just being open about it and being there for other people and making it where it's okay to talk about it. and it's not, it's very common. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's the thing that we've come to learn, um, just from having multiple friends that have miscarried is like how common. Yeah.

It actually is. Doesn't make it any less easier. Um, but there is, I feel like still that type of like, I'm not a lot. Like, because it's so quick for as a woman to think, what's wrong with me. Right. Why did my body do this? I couldn't, you know, keep my baby. Like, it's so easy to think that.

But when you hear how common it is, it helps you feel less alone. Yeah. So it still doesn't make it easier. No, my friend is, I'm always very close with my exes. I don't know why. But my ex-boyfriend is also one of the world's, like, like leading gynecologist OBGYNs. And so he does this. And so he's on the board of directors with me.

me, he pulled me in on it for A.AGL, which is, it's a global organization that, that focuses on women's health and then do fundraising for outreach programs to give health to people in underserved areas. Like in the world, there's a couple of things that we're working on right now, and then do research for, for endometriosis because it's like eight out of ten women are misdiagnosed or not diagnosed. And it's, I mean, it's a serious, serious problem. And, and then also with like fertility, like do more research on fertility, what's happening in society right now? Because the numbers of women that are not able to get pregnant or carry a baby right now, even in their 30s, like early 30s now, it's like they're, they're almost infertile. What is happening right now? And so it's really scary.

like that there's something changing, like what we're eating or what the environment or something. I don't know. But so trying to get funding for research and stuff on that too. It's interesting to hear you say that because like, I mean, I don't know any facts here, but it just feels like, you know, recently it just has become so much more difficult. I mean, we can take all of our friends and I would say half of them struggle with that. Right. And probably still in their 30s, I would assume.

Yeah. 20s or 30s. That's my assistant even. Like she was in her late 20s and had to have IVF. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's incredible. Like, like, and then bad way. But, yeah, so we're just trying to make a change on that.

But I found out, I think going back to why it's still difficult is because I found out through a full body scan that I did. And I just thought for just overall health, I did this. think per nuvo, it's a full body scan. And I found out that I have a septum in the middle of my uterus. And so first, I'm glad I found out. And it is, you know, my friend that's a doctor, he was sitting right next to me. And so he was like, wait a minute. He's like, back up, we were going through the scans. And the radiologist was like, yeah, that's what I want to point out to you. He's like, have.

you've always had this. This is from birth. So my son turns out he's like a complete miracle because I'm not able to get unless I have that surgically removed. I can't carry a baby. And so because it would have to be where the septum goes through, it would have to be like in the widest part of the uterus. And it is a perfect thing, but probably because I was so young, it was I was somehow able to do it and I didn't have a problematic pregnancy. I had no idea, but all through all of the treatments that I've done, I've done in vitro, I've done all these things.

No one thought to tell me. They just took the money and they didn't even tell me that I have a septum that was going to prevent me from actually caring full term. Right. Like, what? So, yeah, that's so I need to have surgery and get that done. But right now I'm 44.

And I mean, it's kind of going to be, it's going to be a very challenging. journey. It's not that it's not going to happen, but right now I'm just trying to focus on on just educating other people to try to help prevent things like this from happening to a lot of other people. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy what, like, it sounds so basic. Like, that, that should have been seen, like, however long ago. But I feel like that's, like, for how, like, I've, I've never heard of that. I don't know if that's, like, a rare thing. It is rare. But, like, things that are more common like endometriosis, PCOS, like, my girlfriends are like just finally, like,

getting diagnosed with it because they keep going back to their gynecology. Like, something's not right. Something's not right. Yes. And it's just, it doesn't make sense why we don't. Why we don't know more? Exactly. And that's, um, Edo is a huge, he's like, um, an advocate for women to speak up.

He's like, this is ridiculous and doctors are not listening. He's like, women might not know what's wrong, but they, you know. know there's something wrong. And so do not listen to your doctor. If they're like, oh, no, it's just this. It's just this. He's like, find a new doctor. Don't listen. Just say, like, just advocate, be an advocate for yourself because the doctors just aren't listening and they, they're just either overworked or just don't care. He's like, so we need to make them accountable and we need to help make women accountable for their own health. Yeah. That's something I learned in the hospital, just like in general, is finding people. Like, it's,

It's so easy to, like, even I've started to experience this as a nurse, like becoming jaded to, you see the same thing over and over and over again. So it just, it's just like back to back. And you don't think further like, no, this is like a single human's life that we're talking about. And everything that goes on for this one person. And that's the same thing. And, you know, as a nurse, I started feeling myself doing that. And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no. We can't.

We can't do that. But it's so. It's so. It's easy to get caught up in just like the repetition. It's like, oh, it's probably this. Yeah. And then, yeah. I mean, like, I can't blame them because it's, if you've been working for 40 years,

it's, you've been seeing the same thing. I bet that's hard to not do that. But it's, you have to do that. You've got to find. It's important to remind yourself. Yeah. To find the person that is going to, like, help advocate for you. Yeah.

Help get to the bottom of why you're having, you know, issues or whatever you're struggling with, no matter from women's health all the way to, you know, cardiac health, like, everything in between. Everything. It's so important. I want to talk a little bit about your EMDR therapy because I did EMDR therapy for PTSD of working as a COVID nurse. And it helped me so much. Thank you for doing that, by the way.

So whenever someone talks about it in there, like it says that they've helped them. I always want to like share about it because I think it's a really cool form of therapy that. can be helpful for a lot of people. Absolutely. And you feel free to just like share whatever you want about this because obviously you've shared about, you know, doing it from a sexual assault incident. How has EMDR kind of helped you through those challenges? And was there a point where you were like, I'm struggling with this?

I actually need to go see a therapist and do EMDR. Yes, there was a point, poor Romaine, because I find myself, how do I say this? It was kind of unfortunate for him because I have reactions that I are just, I don't mean to, but like we could just be laying a bed and if he rose over and touched me, I'm like, I just like, Joel and I like pull away. And it's not because I, I, because of anything with him I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. But it makes him feel like crap.

You know, it's like no one, they don't want, you don't want your wife like shaking and pulling away from you. It's like, but I have to calm myself down and be like that this is safe. This is okay. And so, because it didn't happen much before I met him. So, I mean, this is only, this is, what when was that? I am probably 2016, something like that. Yeah.

And so, um, so it's still, I mean, vaguely fresh. And, and, and, but it did help a lot because I had to just keep going back and reassociate like, um, the thought, like thoughts of, um, like being touched and thoughts of like, um, just whatever, like, um, sexually with, with not having that. initial, like, jerk feeling and an initial, like, where I don't want it. Yeah. Yeah. And so, and that's insane because I know that I love my husband. I know that I want it. And, but it's like there's still the trauma there is, it's hard to get past.

And it's not something that was within my control. So it taught me, like, it kind of helped lower those feelings where I didn't associate everything, like, with that. with that incident. And then, and then also just help me handle it better and how to like pull myself out of it and how to like talk to myself

and like reassure myself that this, this is not that. Like this is okay. Like look at where you're at because your body just like goes into like a fire flight kind of mug. Yeah. So I'm all messed up, aren't I? No.

No, no, no, no. I'd love to know what aside from, how long have you been in therapy? Not long enough. I've been in since. When did I start going? I think when we started the show, it was the first time I started. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, well, yeah. No, I went a couple of times right after that because Jason told me, he was like, I need you to go to therapy. Like you're going to need this. Just go for me. I was not able at that point to talk to anybody about it. I was not ready for it at all. Yeah. And so I only went like two or three times because he forced me to.

And then once the show started, I started realizing I need to go to get just to make sure I stay grounded on who I am and make sure I'm talking things out and handling things properly. For sure. What? Are there any other, like... mental health tools or resources, things that you have kind of like implemented into your life that you do? I'm teaching myself how to do pottery. Oh. Oh my gosh. It's like on the little wheel thing. Yeah. Oh, I do. It's very calming. Yeah. I imagine your brain just like the rest of the world just goes away. Yeah. It's amazing. Wow. It has absolutely amazing. I mean, I can't say

I'm amazing at it just yet. But it's therapy, really. Like whenever I feel overwhelmed or I'm like, okay, I either go out to my gym to a punching bag. It depends which way I'm feeling. If I just need it, then I go to the punching bag. And then other times I'm just like I need my ADD2, like there's so much in my head all the time. That quiet's it. Yes.

And so if I'm upset or if it's just. just, I just need to slow it down and just like, take a breath. I go out there for 30 minutes, an hour, whatever. And when I come out, I'm better. It just quites everything down and peaceful and just like, you know, you're only focused on this one thing. And yeah, it's my form of therapy, really. That's super cool. Yeah. That's how Target makes me feel. Yeah, I love Target. I will not go shopping anywhere other than Target. Literally. I'll find myself sometimes just being like,

I'm going to go to Target. And I'm like, I really don't need to go. I don't need anything. Something's going on in my head. But you come back with about like $300 worth of stuff that you do not need and never wanted. Yes. But I feel better after.

You absolutely. I know when you say I'm going to go to Target, it's because you are stressed. And you're like, I just need to, I know you don't need anything from Target. I just have to walk around by myself. I could probably do that around the neighborhood I could save a couple hundred bucks.

Dangerous store. You know, it's... It's therapeutic. I do come home with some nice, like, home decor, toys for the dogs. Too many toys for dogs. Remy's getting a new toy every other day. She deserves it. She's a little angel.

Okay. Last question before we heading into our little Lemon 7 segment. Looking back on everything that you've been through in your life, the good, the bad, the ugly, everything in between. I'd love to know what you are most proud of yourself for. Oh. Probably, maybe actually having the guts to do the book and opening up on that one because I know I have to talk about things over and over again, which isn't easy.

But because it was, it takes it back to the beginning. I wrote a letter to myself and where it's, I think I'm so proud of myself because it showed me how far I've come. And then it, at the same time, there are so many aspects that are helping, that's going to help others, or at least I hope it does. And so I think that that took all of the negative

that I've been through and made it into a positive, which is what I'm always trying to do, what I'm always about. And so it's kind of a, I like a high point, the most I've ever done in that aspect. Yeah. I love that. That's so exciting.

Yeah. I'm so excited. So this is a little 11-7 segment. Seven questions. You can rapid fire them. You can answer them however you. Okay. Feel.

Go ahead. Okay. I'll kick it off. Number one, what movie or song title best describes your mental health today? Okay. I'm only human and that's not I love your show like Twilight so by the way I big fans but

but no that song my sister played it for me the other day because she had a yoga playlist and she had me listen to it and I was like I forgot about this song I love this song but yeah I'm only human yeah that's a good one love that number two is how open are you with people

in your life when struggling it depends on who it is Yeah. My sister, very open. Jason, very open. My husband, very open. But I do try to protect him a lot from things. Yeah, other than that, like, you got your inner circle.

Yeah. Yeah. It just depends. If it's going to help me and give me insight, then I will open up. If it's not, then I'm not going to bring someone else down and, like, woe is me, like, to somebody that I'm just venting. I'm not going to do that. Jason's a good source. I relate to that the husband thing a lot because I feel like I'm the most open with you.

But there's definitely things where I'm like, I don't like want to. You do do that, yeah. Bring you down with me. Yeah. Yeah, you just want to protect the person you love a lot. But, yeah, I relate to that. I've never thought about it that way until you said it. I was like, oh.

I do that. All right, number three. If you could only follow three social media accounts, what would they be? So I don't look at social media that much. My assistant, I do all this stuff in my assistant post for me, and then she will show me the positive things like that I would want to see, and she hides the negative from me. Smart. Because I'm sensitive. But the one, there's only one.

actually that I get such a kick out of. And I will go down the rabbit hole watching these things. They're ADHD memes and like different things because it's hilarious to me. Maybe it's not to other people, but I relate to it so much. And I'll just sit there and crack up. And it makes me feel better about myself afterwards because I'm like, yes, that's so true. It's so funny. But it's also how you like, you know, you.

You want to feel you're not alone in something. And so when other people are also resonating with this, it's like, okay, I'm not the only one. Yeah. Because it feels like that sometimes. Yeah, for sure. You already kind of answer number four, but number four is what is your favorite form of self-care? Pottery. Yeah.

That's really cool. And you have it at your house. I do. You can just go out and do it when you. Yeah. It's in my garage. Yeah. So my car is no longer in my garage because I have a pottery wheel there.

Yeah. That's awesome. priority. Yeah. Number five, what would you say is the most misunderstood thing about you? I think that probably that I'm an extrovert probably. And I love, I'm very simple. And also that people think like I've just had this life and everything's been easy.

And it's, I mean, I've been broke more than I've even. been able to buy McDonald's was like a treat for me. Like for many, many, many years. And then I've gone up and down, up and down many times. I'm just a normal person. Yeah. You're only human. You're only human.

Good job, babe. I know. Number six is who has had the most positive impact on your mental health? Jason. Yeah. I know my husband's going to kill me when I said. But, yeah. I feel like he'll get it.

You're right. He's like, yeah, I don't want any part of that mess. Yeah, I think Jason, because he and I just get each other. Like, we have a very special friendship. And I know people always joke around like, oh, you guys, it's so inappropriate. You guys, he's like my brother. Like, the thought of kissing him or something would be. I'm like, oh, don't, ew.

No. But yeah, he's just, we have a very deep friendship and understanding of each other. And so there's just like so much love and, and, yeah, we calm each other down. Like, if he's stressed out, he's like, come here, I just need to hug. And it's like, it's just special because you can breathe. It's like you just, and it calms us down. And then you can talk with no judgment. and yeah, and he's so full of good advice.

He's gone to therapy and stuff over the last, well, we go to the same therapist, actually. And she's amazing. And he's just changed and grown a lot as a person. And so I think like he has so much insight knowing who I am and who and just what he's learned to therapy and stuff. Yeah, I think he just knows me so well that he can give me advice on what would actually. Yeah.

be feasible for me. Yeah. I mean, for sure. Yeah. That's beautiful. Yeah. All right. Last one.

Number seven. If you could go back to one moment in your life, what moment would that be and what would you say to yourself? Oh, this is going to be depressing. Oh. Okay. I would go back to a moment. November of 2009. 2009, my ex-husband, well, almost ex-husband at the time, called me right before he died.

And I didn't pick up the phone. So I would tell myself to pick up, like that there's possibly something I could have done. Yeah. I hear you. I'm sorry. It's okay. You don't keep that guilt on you, though. You can't hold that.

That's a tough one. I know. Easier said than done. But yeah. Well, thank you for sharing that. And we are so excited for your book. Thank you. To be out, we're leaving a link down below.

Yeah. For the pre-sale. It comes out on the 24th. Yeah. September 24th. Let's go. Awesome. Well, thanks for spending the morning with us.

Absolutely. Could I just say something quick before we wrap up? Yeah. And it's why I'm, you know, excited for people to read your book. But you just, you've been. through a lot in life too much. And I just think it's so admirable how your mindset is always, how can I take what I've been through to help somebody else? Like that is, that's the way that you like shift your mindset with every negative thing you've gone through in life. And there's been a few.

But I just wanted to thank you, you know, for being that, you know, person. And I know that your book is going to help a lot of people just like you do, you know, every day just because of the way that you live. Thank you. I really appreciate that. Thank you. Thanks for being here. Thank you. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.