The Squeeze - The Monroe Family: Jared Can Still Save Lives

Episode Date: November 22, 2023

TW: suicide, bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, substance abuse  If you or someone you know is at risk of suicide, please call the Lifeline: 988  When your hosts first started this podcast, they knew they wanted to have today’s guests on the show. Harlie and Robin Monroe, sister and mother of Tay’s high school friend Jared, join the Lautners today to discuss the heartbreaking events that led to Jared taking his life and their foundation, The Jared Monroe Foundation, which supports students with bipolar disorder. They go back to the very beginning, when the family adopted Jared, discuss his marijuana use, which acted as a major trigger for his diagnosis, and share details on the various manic episodes he endured. They talk about their unique grief journeys, the importance of having a community around you, and offer words of encouragement to Tay, saying just how proud her friend Jared would be of what she’s doing today.  Be sure to visit jaredmonroefoundation.org  Thanks to our awesome sponsors for supporting this episode:  Beam — If you want to try Beam’s best-selling Dream Powder, take advantage of their biggest sale of the year and get up to 50% off for a limited time when you go to shopbeam.com/THESQUEEZE   Marine Layer — Find your new favorite fits and get 15% off @marinelayer with our exclusive link marinelayer.com/THESQUEEZE. #marinelayerpod  Jenni Kayne — Find your forever pieces @jennikayne and get 25% off at jennikayne.com/thesqueeze! #jennikaynepartner  To email us your questions or share your story, you can reach out to [e-mail]. Be sure to rate, review, and follow the podcast so you don't miss an episode! Plus, follow us on Instagram, @thesqueeze and personally @taylautner and @taylorlautner + on TikTok @thesqueezepodcast  To learn more from The Lemons Foundation, follow @lemonsbytay on Instagram and visit lemonsbytay.com  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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without your rice-adviseur or SunnyCars. combe. Jared was so special. Before any of this happened, everyone loved him. Everyone loved Jared. It's sad that a mental illness could take that ripple effect where people left and judged him and thought differently of who he was to the point he's not here.

You could look normal on the outside. On the inside, it's a whole different ball of wax. Could have saved him. I wish I could have him back. When life gives you lemons, what do you do with them? Over here at the squeeze, we talk about it. Happy Wednesday. Happy Wednesday. And welcome to the squeeze. Thank you for joining us.

Yes, thank you for spending your Wednesday here with us. I decided to decorate for Christmas. I see that even in here. Yeah, just a little tree. Well, yeah, we did add that's not Christmas, but those adorable yellow roses over there. That no one can see. Oh, okay.

Well, just trust me. They're beautiful. Beautiful. Yeah, just a little. We have a gorgeous Belgian Malinwa. Mitt. Mitz? Mitz. Muts? You were going to say mutt. I couldn't decide if I was going to say mutter mix. So I said a mitt. A Belgian Malin-law, Mitt. Oh my gosh. Are you a gorgeous Mitt? Don't listen to Dada. He didn't mean it. I know. He didn't mean it. Well, we have an exciting episode today. You do. This one's been long overdue. This one has been very long overdue. If you guys have been around for a little bit, you have heard me talk about my friend Jerry. If you're new here, Jared was one of my closest guy friends growing up.

He was just the person that lit up a room when he walked into it. He was so kind in high school every year for my birthday. He'd be the first one who wished me happy birthday knocking on my front door at 6 a.m. before I love for school with my favorite Starbucks drink. Just to wish me happy birthday. And he just did things like that. He was always there for me for breakups, girl drama, just high school crap. All of the above.

But Jared was diagnosed with bipolar and lost his life during a manic episode. So he is a big part of why I do what I do, why I'm so passionate about mental health. And we had his mom and sister on. Yeah. The episode today. Just to kind of, you know, share who Jared was, share his story, which they really haven't done publicly and I even learned a lot. Yeah, that was. Like, I didn't even really read our prep sheet that they filled out because I wanted to, you know, hear from them. I was going to say,

one of the easier conversations we've had, definitely not in that sense, one of the more difficult ones we've had, but in terms of like preparation. Yeah. We really just went into this one raw ready to just talk. Yeah. You, I mean, of course me, but even you ended up learning several things that you had no idea about. Yeah. Yeah, because a lot of us didn't really know that Jared was struggling and he honestly really didn't start struggling until after high school.

Not many people knew about it. So it was really neat to learn about him. But yeah, it's just his story is amazing. his mom is amazing. I love his sister so much. And it's just really cool to have his story live on. And I always say it and I'm going to always keep saying it, but, you know, a lost life is a life gained. Because of Jared's life, we are able to help save so many other people's lives. Yeah. And his family is amazing too. And they're doing amazing things. And yeah, it's really, really. special, what his family is doing after what they've been through in life. And we're just very, very thankful to have them here. Yes. If you guys enjoy this episode, I enjoyed it. And just get to learn a little bit more about my life and my dear friend who is, you know, the reason why I do what we do.

So enjoy. Okay, Harley, Robin, welcome to the squeeze. We are so excited to have you guys. We start every episode off with a little segment called Citrus Got Real, which is this glass jar that's on the table. Harley, if you want to pull one of those little pieces of paper out. I'm scared. What is your spirit animal? Okay. A little pit bull, a little cuddly pit bull puppy. Oh, wow.

That is very Harley. I love it. It's like my little boo-boos. I have little black pit bull at home. She's my spirit animal for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I like that.

Yeah, you do have an edge, Harley. She doesn't have an edge. She's perfect. But you do. But you do. What would yours be? That's so tough. I do like the pit bull.

If I can, I'd almost say a unicorn. Ooh. Yeah. I welcome all animals here. I do too. Right? Even the fictional. Well, because it's out there.

It's happy. It's spiritual. It's uplifting. No one's sad over a unicorn. Yeah. Until you realize they don't exist. Then you're sad. Then you're sad.

There's that. See, there's Harley with that edge. What would yours be? Do you have one? I would be Remy. Oh. You see? Yeah.

Why would you be Remy? Just because I love her. Okay. Fair enough. And I don't want to beat her when I grow up. Me too. I used to always say I was a mirror cat. Really?

Like the little things that pop out of the ground. Yeah. That's adorable. Someone told me that. And then I was like, oh, okay. So then that was always. my spirit animal. That is strange.

They're so cute. Very cute. You know what? I think it fits you. You're thinking of your dancing days and the way that they pop up. I kind of like, exactly. I like it. Mirror cat.

Yeah. Let's go with it. All right. We've got a good little mix here. Yeah. We got a good group here. Okay. So I'm obviously very excited about this episode because I've been wanting to have this conversation with you guys for a very long time.

It's probably going to be a little. rough for people watching and listening. But I'm really excited just, you know, for you guys to share Jared's story because I talk about him like literally all the time. And he is such a big part of my life and why I do what I do and why you guys do. So I'm just excited to, you know, hear his story from, from you guys. The amount of times during the show that you point over there. I know on my desk behind that little chair. There's a little, I have some stuff framed. Actually, from the photos from the first gala

that you guys had out on the table I like took them all home and I framed them that little picture of you guys with like the paints on you that's actually on our refrigerator Oh my gosh

Yeah I've blown up on the side of my fridge Stop! Yeah it's been there's in high school Oh my gosh stop I know there's so many sweet memories Yeah he well He definitely adored you Oh my gosh

The feeling was mutual I love him very much So I guess a good place For us to just start Which I would love to hear more about is like starting from the beginning and about you adopting him. Okay. I would love to go back, way back.

Yeah, like way from the beginning. How did that come to be? It was interesting. Because obviously at the very, very beginning, I was aunt. He was my nephew. I was there at the hospital. He's my sister's biological child. And she's always struggled with drug addiction.

And for a little while she did a well, okay. She had an injury and started using pain medication and it slipped her right back into not, you know, not being able to live her life in the way you should as a mom. Is she older, younger? She's older. Okay. I'm the baby. It's always interesting. I was always like the responsible child and she was always a wild child.

And she has her own past that created her life and how she, you know, grew up to be. I'm a social worker. I was. I was working in DCFS. So the, the tables got to. turned and DCFS, I called DCFS to come in to do a check because she wasn't able to care for him. She was completely passed out one day when I went there and he was on the floor in the bathroom just by himself with his blankie and I'm like, this can't happen. I'm done.

I need to make next step to call DCFS. And they did. They came and she wasn't able to care for him. And what I didn't expect was it to be permanent. I really thought my sister who was beautiful, bright and quite capable. would get her stuff together and she didn't. In and out, but not enough to be a mom with Jared. So from that point that he came to me, he stayed.

How old was he? He had come to me at six months to stay with me while she had a back surgery, which is kind of the start of everything, but he came to live with us when he was two. Okay. And may I just add in a lighter note, they were eight months apart. I potty trained him so fast.

It wasn't even funny because I wouldn't have two kids. in diapers. Wow. I don't remember any of this. No, no. No. Well, he was still in diapers. So, yeah.

You know, we did the whole visitation thing with her and she just never did what she needed to do. And it went for a while. It was like three, four years where we were in the system. And eventually it became legal. He became ours. Now, I don't know if this was in this story, but I got a lot of crap when a long time ago, when he came to me, his name was Jordan.

Oh. His name was Jordan Schuyler. And as you know, most of them, I love being a mom. And one of the best things being a mom is naming your child. And in the Jewish culture, you name after people that passed away. So I wasn't about to mess with the initials because it was Jordan Schuyler. Oh, Jordan Scott. I named him Skyler.

Okay. So I named him Jared Schuyler after my grandfather and kept everything the same. And I know a lot of people like, why did you do that? I'm like, because that's what he was, it was like the ritual of him becoming mine. And the adoption was no longer anything. And most people, I think who knew us, never even realized he was adopted. Yeah. Because he was my son.

Yeah. And we kind of look like weirdly. Well, you are. Cousins. Yeah. Yeah. But, yeah. So, yeah.

That's how he came to us. And because I knew the system well. And I loved my sister. I knew I had to put, you know, kind of a boundary and say, for now, no visitations anymore. Now that I'm mom and, you know, dad and siblings, I'm like, we're going to bring in our bubble. And we did. And he actually never, sadly, never got to see her.

For her, he was content, never meeting her. I was mom. And you read some of the story online. Jared knew how to make you feel loved. And he made me feel loved. It was so good at that. He didn't need that. that she would have wanted to, but because of his mental illness, that never got to happen.

Yeah. They were pretty close to meeting. They were very close. In like that month that we lost, Jared, there actually talks about him and Stacy possibly coming back together to meet. Because she was ill. She got cancer. Wow. And he was going to, because he was so caring, he wanted to do that for her.

Yeah. Never, you know, life, life throws curveballs. Yeah. Was your sister? upset with you for removing him or was it like a thank you type thing or neither? I think she got to the thank you. She was never angry. I never felt that. There's always the back conversations here and there maybe. But in terms of my direct connection with her, I never felt that from her. She loved Jared. She couldn't give him the home that he deserved. I felt appreciated by her. I did.

Yeah. So something as you guys know that has been a huge part of my mental health journey, Taylor's mental health journey, journeys as individuals. And as a couple has been therapy. Amen. And that is why I am so excited to share our next sponsor with you guys, which is cerebral. Serrebral is here to help you achieve your mental wellness goals with professional therapy and medication management support 100% online. You will. experience the all new cerebral way, an innovative approach to mental wellness designed around you. You'll get a personalized treatment plan from a therapist, prescriber, or both in a safe and judgment-free space. I love that cerebral is 100% online because that means you have no excuse. You have to go. Like there's no, oh, I don't have time to go drive. It's too long of a drive. No, you can do it on your lunch break. You can do it before work, after work. And it's honestly just it's convenient. Yeah. It's convenient and they have great therapists.

Yeah. And it's, it'll just keep you accountable to. So we highly, highly encourage that you guys check out cerebral because therapy is just done wonders for us. And we know it'll do the same for you. To get started on your path towards better mental health, cerebral is giving our listeners 15% off their first month of online therapy, medication or both. Get started at Cerebral.com slash podcasts and use code the squeeze to make 24 your best year yet. That's Cerebral C-E-R-E-B-R-A-L.com slash podcasts and use code the squeeze. Offer is only valid on monthly plans.

Other exclusions may apply. see sight for details, get going on that therapy. So then Jared growing up, did he growing up as a child show any signs that you noticed of any sort of mental illness or when was the first time that, you know, that became a part of it? Hindsight is so 20-20. I would say when he was growing up, mental illness was never something that I put in my, my brain. Was he hyper? Did he have EDD or ADHD? Anybody knew, Jared? He had energy that went for days. But in terms of the mental illness, no, that never, no.

Not until he was an adult, 1819, did any of that kind of creep out that week? Wow. That's why it was shocking. I mean, I've dealt with ADHD. Yeah, both Brooke and I also have ADHD. So did Jared. Except for Tanner. He's the only one that's like level-headed and mellow. The three of us did not escape it. But I would say mental illness, no.

I think we were just as shocked as everyone else when they found out that Jared had been struggling mental illness because he was like the one that was all the way out there. Every sport he played had all the friends. Everyone in our valley loved him. You wouldn't expect it to be him out of all of us. And so I think that was like the most shocking. It was shocking.

I never thought it was going to be him. I also want to go back because Brooke, I want to mention Brooke, because I think it's so important to mention her when it comes to Jared. Because I adopted Jared, that's why I have Brooke. I'm a little odd and I couldn't do odd numbers. So when I knew I was adopting Jared, I needed to have the fourth child. So that's why I have Brooke. So Brooke, who I wish was local, so she could be here with us,

has a very deep bond with Jared because her existence is basically because of him. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. Wait, that's so cool. Yeah. I love that.

Did you get Jared early enough where he didn't have to struggle with any sort of PTSD from the way he was raised? Because you got him, you know, at two. It's such a huge question. And hindsight again, when he was young, he had one other diagnosis. And I should have known that it could lead to other things. And it was called reactive attachment disorder. Because she wasn't a full time with him bonding all the time.

She had caregivers coming out. He attached to anyone. And Rad, reactive attachment disorder, is one of those things that can lead to mental illness. What exactly is that? It's not the inability to attach properly with your caregiver. Okay. Yeah, so he would just attach anyone. So anyone could have come in and taken him and walked out and they would have been bonded like this.

Yeah. I feel like it's really common to see with like kids who are adopted or in the foster system. Yeah. I've heard a lot of it. So I do think unfortunately that year and a half, two years and that definitely, there are a lot of factors. There's so many I think with Jared. He's an interesting, I don't want to call my case study because that's my child. But there are a lot of things that I think entered into him developing bipolar.

Yeah. Yeah. So Rad was definitely something to. Okay. Interesting. Yeah. I know one of his triggers was marijuana. When did you like become aware? Like did you know first because you were like with him in a sense or when did that like become a thing?

I think we all knew for the most part. I guess I was in high school with him and I went to all his high school parties with him and was with him before games and after games. And I definitely knew probably before them. But I don't think anyone in our family didn't know he was using. A lot of his friends used. And I mean, when we were in high school, I feel like a lot of people smoke marijuana and it was just the thing to do. Yeah. No one really thought anything of it or anything was wrong with it.

And a lot of people don't realize it's a gateway drug to using other things. And we'll never really know for sure if Jared used anything else, anything harder. But we did know that marijuana use was a big issue for him and all of his friends back in high school and even in college. After. I'll never forget. Because, yeah, we did know. I mean, we were parents that were open. So we didn't really have a lot of secrets in our house.

Yeah. But I'll never forget when his. psychiatrist straight out said that the marijuana use that he did in high school was a trigger for his bipolar. Oh, wow. I was like, wow, because people think marijuana is benign and okay. And you know, for some people, it just might be. Yeah. And you don't know who is going to be affected. And sadly, Jared was one of those that it changed, it changed everything about him. Yeah. And it just changed his brain. Yeah, that's so interesting. So when he would use marijuana, that would would trigger the bipolar?

No, just that him doing that, he messed with his brain. And the development got messed up. And so if he hadn't done that, he probably would never have gone into the bipolar, especially with his delusions, because his bipolar was pretty severe. But because of his use, he just, he messed with the development of his brain that he triggered it. Once you trigger bipolar, there's no going back. Yeah. Yeah. Did that trigger like psychosis for him, the marijuana use?

I would think, I would think. I would think the marijuana played a huge part in the psychosis. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. It's kind of hard to pinpoint exactly when it first happened because he did smoke so often. Yeah. And there were obviously adverse child events that, you know, the adoption, that issues with his friends.

Yeah. A lot of things added up and, you know, a lot of traumatizing things happened throughout his life. Yeah. That we'll never really know which one was the one that definitely started that first psychotic episode. Yeah. We can only assume because he did smoke so much. Yeah. But we didn't see it in high school.

There was no psychosis that I ever saw in high school. It was once he went off to college, we started seeing things that just didn't make sense. Yeah. And he was no longer grounded. Before we move on to that, I do want to touch on something that happened to Jared in high school. He witnessed something at a party that he ended up, you think, triggered the bipolar, something that he saw and didn't necessarily, like, report or stop if you want. to, I have no, I have no idea what.

And it's a hard one. Yeah. Because it's not our story to share. Yeah. So I can't share too much because I would never want someone to have to deal with something they aren't ready to deal with. For sure. But it was something that was so significant to him. When he had delusions, the conversation always came up.

And he started as if he was kind of in that situation again or talking about it or, or, memories came. So we knew how much seeing something occurred that he knew was wrong. Affected him. He had such guilt for not being able to stop the situation. It weighed on him. And it literally ate him up. And it was hard.

I wish we can go back and make different choices and him do something where he felt empowered. It's hard in high school when you have a group of the most popular people and something goes down and if you talk and it was one of the most hurtful things to him that he couldn't fix. And it was hard on him. It was really, really, it ate at him. It ate at him. And it eats at me to date because I wish I, knowing the situation, I wish I can go back and make it not happen because I know what trauma comes from what he witnessed. And it's hard. It's very hard. Yeah. When did he tell you, like, what he would witness?

When did that, like, um, not until after, not until, um, way after, um, which made it probably the first hospitalization, right? Um, he was, he was, he was, they were, well, I don't want to say it was then. I think it was before that, because as we know, I'm a social worker and I have my own strong views. And I think before I saw the psychosis, I gave him my own opinion. And my opinion was pretty strong. but it put him in a very weird, an awful place.

So I think, oh, that's hard to even own. I don't want to own any of that guilt. I don't. So it happened a little bit before his first I got. So I knew a little bit before that. Yeah, I'd like to go back. I'd really like to go back. Yeah, I bet.

But yeah, like what you said, you can't hold on to that guilt is, you know. Well, yeah. Easier said than done. Yeah, much easier said than done. So his first symptoms of bipolar were in the summer of 2016. Yes. Yeah. What did those look like?

I think I was there for actually the first episode. That's when I was with my dad. Jared had gotten like the third flat tire in probably a month because Jared's the only person you know that would get three flat tires in a month. Yeah. But we went to go fix his tire for him. And I remember we got there And I was pretending to sleep in the back of my dad's cart

Because it was getting so chaotic And I didn't know what to do But I remember him having such pressured speech He was talking so rapidly And a lot about delusions Where he thought he needed to move out of our house Move in with his best friend forever Drop out of school

Thought he was gay And it was this weird moment Where he was talking so fast And all of a sudden It all became about him thinking he was gay and coming out to my dad and then just panic on him. Like he was panicking, and am I really saying this out loud?

And it was the weirdest thing because we have never heard Jared say anything like this before. Yeah. And it was just the way he was saying it and the way he was acting. And he was very certain and very certain that he needed to like change his entire life forever. I remember then we came home and had a conversation

and he started talking and wanted to drop out of college. And I looked at him. And I'm like, I don't, I'll love you and don't care if you're gay, but you're not dropping out of school. Yeah. But I remember the look on his face. It just didn't look like him. He was there, but he wasn't.

Yeah. And the delusion, it was interesting when he was grounded, he was very adamant. He wasn't gay. Yeah. When he was in that place of pressured speech and he wasn't grounded and he was seeing things and talking to rocks because that happened at that same time,

that's when he thought he was gay. It was just like he just wasn't, yeah, he wasn't the Jared we all knew. It was slowly like, who is this? What's happening? Like you just don't, like you feel like you're not on footing. Yeah. It's hard to explain when you,

being in the presence of someone who was having delusions and paranoia and not in reality when you're in reality. There are a few people I think that witnessed some of his manic episodes. And it's the strangest experience because like even like just like his facial expressions, the way he talk, the way he was, like manorisms all like completely different person. Yeah. It was very, very strange. And that was like the very first time we saw.

And that was probably the middle of, yeah, the summer of 2016. And from there, we just, we had no idea what we were dealing with then. My mom a little bit new because she worked as a social worker. She studied psychology kind of knew a little bit about mental illness. But we had no idea at that point. We were dealing with bipolar disorder in those moments. We were just very confused. Maybe is he on drugs?

Is he drinking? It just was like a different person. That's when we went and got him, you know, therapy at Kaiser. Yeah. How soon after that first episode, but you didn't know, it was one, how soon after that was you, like, getting? I don't think that first episode, that day specifically, was the first time we hospitalized him because that wasn't as severe as it got. I think it might have been that night, this big manic episode. He came home that night and he went for a walk in the middle of the night.

And this is when he saw a rock on the side of the road. And he thought a rock was talking to him. and a rock was giving him guidance on things he needed to do that night. And so he actually ended up breaking into his best friend's home. In the middle of the night, broke into his best friend's home and tried to confess his love to him. Thought that he was gay for him and he was going to move in there and needed to figure out if he was gay and if his best friend loved him back. So that was the first big episode where we were like, oh, this is really serious. Oh, wow.

The best friend, actually, the parents threatened to call the police on Jared. And this is, I'm talking best friend of like five years, like very, very close. They knew everything about each other, did everything together. And it was very clear this is not Jared. Yeah. Jared would never harm anybody. I remember because when we took a time out and went to the beach the following weekend and you can understand something very serious had happened.

And that was traumatic and we'll get there. But in that week, that time at the beach, Carpenteria, we talked. to the mom. And she was very clear something was wrong. She could see the mental. She was smart enough to know that he had a mental illness

and this was not Jared. They knew him long enough to know. I wish the best friend had and I wish his reaction had been a little bit more compassionate because his reaction made it so, so much harder on Jared. Yeah.

The rejection and the outing and the and you know, more about this than I do. And the text messages of saying stay away from Jared were beyond heartbreaking because this wasn't Jared doing something because he was doing something wrong. This was Jared of not, he wasn't saying. He was having a total manic episode. And during this week that we went to the beach, Jared was not Jared. Jared ran off. Just ran off. We were with family friends too and this was their first time seeing like

there are a very select few people that knew what was going on. And these were like family friends. We've been friends since my mom was in like middle school. So they're very close. They knew it was going on. And I remember Jared literally was a different person, just sprinted away, went missing for hours. I tried chasing after him. We walked around Carpendaria looking for him.

And no one could find the point where we were calling the police trying to help us find him. And eventually, I think he ended up wandering back or one of us found him. But I thought it would be the scariest time of my life. I mean, I turned, it turned into a lot worse later on. We really thought he was never coming back. That's how scared we were. This all happened in the same week. Yeah.

Oh, wow. Yeah. So first it was the breaking into his friend's house and that happening. And then, well, this is bizarre. Jared would never do anything like this. Yeah. And then it was okay. I think he'll be okay.

There may have been going to Kaiser in between this to get, you know, talking about it. Just tossing about. Yeah. And then he didn't stay in the hospital. He wasn't hospitalized fully at this time. We put him in for a 72-hour hole. So we brought him back and then the beach happened.

And from there, we're like, this is really severe. Now, I think a 72-hour hold might be necessary because we're scared for his safety. You were scared for other people's safety at this very moment. Yeah. He was just unrecognizable. And none of us really knew what to do. No, I remember taking him to Kaiser

and sitting in the hallway and he just, yeah, it was really hard on him too. He was scared himself. There were moments he would like snap out of it. Like the weirdest thing, like he'd be fully manic and just saying like crazy, grandiose things. And you're like, that's not reality. And then all of a sudden he'd snap back for a moment and be like, where am I? What's going on? Am I sick? Like, is something wrong with me? And he would just freak out. Like he was like, why am I here? Oh, well. And he had no idea. Like, there were moments where he'd go back and forth in the same day. And it was the most bizarre thing for us. Yeah. Oh, I was just bizarre. I even 72 outhold. And I can't. I believe in them. But I don't know if it made it.

a difference. Yeah. I don't know. Timney for olds are traumatic. It was traumatic. It was not. From the nursing experience,

being in the hospital, breaking a psych rotation. It is so traumatic being on the other side of the manic episode in the hospital. You feel so unstable and uneasy being in like a new

environment. And I can only imagine how he felt in those moments. It was hard. And you're surrounded by other people who are having, you know, their breakdowns as well.

And it was very hard. He just wanted out. He wanted, wanted, wanted out. And I remember it's 4th of July. Fourth of July has forever been changed totally for me because I remember we had to leave them

there and drive back home and all we were driving, all the fireworks were just popping off and I'm like, all these people having a normal you know, fourth of July and we stop at a corner to try to have some you know, normal and our life would just never be, we can look normal

but we'll never be normal again. We can look normal sometimes. It really depends on the moment. Yeah, I know. I love you guys. It is crazy to hear about the him breaking in thing because obviously I was not in, I was like a removed cousin of Jared's group of friends. Like there were some people in that group that I was like friends with, but I kind of just had my own friend group. But word had gotten to me at some point that there was a rumor that he was gay that had gone on. And I didn't really care.

So I didn't really like dig into it. But like I had heard it in passing. And I was like, oh, well, I mean, he never told me that. but yeah. Cool. I don't know. I wish that was the case. It wasn't the case. In the middle of the night when Jared actually took to Instagram, three in the morning and posted a photo of him and his best friend and said,

I'm in love with my best friend. That did not help the rumor. Was that before or after the break-in? That was after the break-in. Was it right after the break-in? It was the same night. Yeah. And the best friend after that happened, he kind of turned on Jared.

And you know what? I don't want to, obviously, it must have been hard having, a friend, because his best friend wasn't gay either. So to have that, I'm sure that was traumatic, but his reaction to it was just, was to push back so hard where, again, his mom knew he was having a mental illness, you know, breakdown. Yeah.

So to see his reaction, it forever changed his state of mind. Knowing, you know, knowing that people in like age, I mean, the generation that I went to high school with, I feel like there was still, like, masculine, like, stigma behind that. So, like, I bet I'm not surprised if that had to do with it because... Well, all the football players, right?

All the popular dudes. So I get some of that. I just, I know that deep down he knew and I know his mom knew. And the way he reacted was just, it was hard. And when we go further into the story, you understand why it was pivotal, why it forever changed his delusions. I think even today this is like probably the point of the story where I still have trouble getting over it because it makes me almost angry. I remember when that all happened and his best friend took to Twitter and word for a word wrote everyone stay away from Jared Monroe.

He's effing crazy and he tried to attack me. I remember seeing that tweet and going, what that? And that was the next morning after Jared had broken into his house. So the very next day, he very clearly knew along with his mom that Jared was clear. in a manic episode. Something was off. This is not normal. And his first reaction

was to take to Twitter. Yeah. Not let's get Jared some help. And you know what? Let's say he did react. He could have all said, you know what? I reacted.

Something's wrong here. We all need to stand by, Jared. I could have handled that. But people did listen. This was a popular group. And so when one person says that who has a lot of those friends, although he's a little bit on the outside,

I guess, of that group, people listened. Although I will say there are some amazing people. You get to know people's character in major trauma. And there were some people that came through that to this day are like my children because of how they embraced Jared and walked hand in hand. And we'll always there from as much as they know they could be. So it was a lot of good too.

So after the fourth, when was the next? Was it an episode? Was it straight into hospitalization? What is Texas? No, Texas was later because he, he. because Santa Cruz, he felt Santa Cruz had turned on him. He wanted out. He wanted to get back to ASU.

He needed to go there. We had gotten him into Kaiser. I was worried, how do we do this? How do I let him go to ASU with everything that we're dealing with knowing? At this point, we knew it was bipolar. So we're dealing with a serious mental illness. Not something, you know, you can just take some medicine or like aspirin

and you're good to go. Yeah. I'm like, okay, he wants to go to ASU. So his psychiatrist said, well, we can give him a shot of a medication. And so we have to rely on him taking his medication. Because in bipolar, it's an interesting illness. That mania makes you think you're above it all. You're confident.

You can do whatever you want. And that's what some things we didn't see, because he definitely had that grandiose. I can do everything. And he could do everything. Jared was the weeble wobble. Just go in the football and take everyone down and jump up and go do it again. And he was an amazing person that way. But some of it we didn't realize it was a mania.

So I go, okay, well, get him. the shot and we'll let him go back to ASU and he did at every single day on the phone. Me and his dad walked him through any time he was having anxiety. He was very hard. Lots of phone calls doing that and he eventually he did it. He went to the semester and this is the mania. When you think of famous people at Armenia, sometimes it actually can be a positive. He ended up with a 4.0. He's struggling with his mental illness. He's going through so much anxiety and depression dealing with all that he has, knowing his life has changed, knowing his friends rejected him.

Got a 4.0. So interesting. Yeah. And then he came home for the holidays. And we tried. You know, we invited people over. We wanted to educate them. I think I think you came over at least one time or maybe after.

Probably. Yeah, I think you did. The memories. to try to get a support circle because that's one of the biggest things I hope I can convey today is you need people around you. You need people to support you and know when you're having a moment that's not you where they can pull you back and say, okay, we need to go get help now because he wasn't going to recognize that.

He couldn't recognize himself because when you're a mania or manic, you're like, oh, I can do it all. You need the outside world who's grounded to go, okay, let's go this way. Yeah. And to help him stay away from triggers. And we can talk about triggers because they definitely was triggers. That's probably the biggest challenge. I'm glad you said that was having people around you recognize when you're manic and your triggers and to help you kind of come back to yourself.

And one of the biggest thing we struggled with was Jared's roommate in college, who also did a lot of drugs. And Jared promised us, I'm not going to smoke anymore when I go back to school. And, you know, we would love to believe him because we love Jared. We'd love to believe he's not going to smoke ever again. Yeah. But we knew sending them back into an environment where we knew people were not going to be supportive of, you know, cutting that line. Yeah. That was probably our biggest challenge.

Yeah. No matter how much we educated people, that was one thing we just, we couldn't stop. Yeah. Even after everything. Yeah. It was. It was hard. Yeah.

But I do cherish some of those times. There was some hard times, too, because of that rejection. But there were some people who we sat around the table who I remember, and I'm not going to say names, but there were some people who I know you know that just always. I mean, they wanted to know more. And other ones were like, what is this? I don't know. I don't need any to do with that. So it was an interesting time.

He tried. He really, he wanted to be okay. And we thought, I think at that point, we thought we could do this. And I still believe you can. As much as with Jared, I wish I had more time. It's not easy with bipolar, but I know. I know you can still live a very successful life. Even if you have the ups and downs, I know.

And I just want more time to give him that. Because he was never not willing to do what we asked of him. It was never a problem. But he definitely still needed to get out of SCB. Yeah. So the same thing, you know, happened where, okay, you know, we'll make sure you have your medication. And we'll let you go back to ASU.

And I'd go back on a heartbeat and change all of that and keep him right here. What were the biggest things about being at school that you think affected him the most? I couldn't protect him. I couldn't watch him. I wasn't close enough to have him be the, to call me because he would have. If I was right there, he would have reached out. I think it was so traumatizing for him also to be away from you and also feel like he lost all his friends at the same time. Like my parents, they grounded him.

They helped to get the support he needed. But when you're young, all you usually care about is your friends. Yeah. And who's supporting you that you're close with. and that was detrimental to him, was his friends. And even when he went back to Arizona, he had school friends from high school

that ended up in Arizona for school too. And they had heard the great friend like you did. Jared's gay. Jared's crazy. Don't hang out with him. And people took it super literal. Even back at school. I feel it when you said that you heard it.

Because sometimes I don't want to believe it was that bad that it got out there like that when Jared, was he was so special he was before any of this happened everyone loved him everyone loved Jared no enemies just it's sad that a mental illness could take that ripple effect where people left and judged him and thought differently of who he was to the point he's not here yeah it's hard you can look normal on the outside

on the inside it's a whole different ball of wax so I wish I didn't let him go back to ASU because it changed everything and where it went to was well you want to talk about Texas how it started I mean I can get there

Harley and I were you were the answer she was a cheerleader die hard all-stars We traveled all over the United States. All over. I'd do that all in a heartbeat again. I loved it.

It is crazy, though, how Jared's story has totally changed, even cheerleading for me. I know. Yeah. I know. In so many ways. So many ways. Yeah.

I was in Texas with Harley on one of just her many cheerleading at Trump competitions. And I remember, I think it was the Friday night. If David had called me, husband, and told me he was, somehow I knew how he was missing. Yeah, he had stopped. showing up to work. He worked at Starbucks at school. So he was going to school. He was working. He worked at Starbucks in high school. And he just stopped showing up when missing from work, didn't show up to class. And my dad was the first to find out. Yeah. And so it became a very long day, long, two days on how long it was, I was trying to find him. And just not knowing

where he went. And my husband was amazing calling police station. after a police station. And an interesting side note, you know, I think dad tells us even better, but he got a hold of one of the policemen who was on the pathway. Because we found he was headed somewhere from Arizona towards, like

Texas, Florida. We knew he was going that way based on the usage of his credit card. So he called one of the police stations and he talked to someone. And the guy was like, what number are you calling from? He says 6-6-1

What city are you? And he said, you know, where he was calling from, you know, Santa Cruz? Where did Jared go to school? West Ranch. And the officer happened to go to West Ranch. So. What the heck? Right.

Right. Which was comforting because we knew because we knew we had someone who had heart who was enough who was really going to do their job and go out there and do all they could. Because you're looking for a needle in a haystack. knowing he was somehow crossing the country. And unfortunately, the police never found Jared. We got lucky that Jared, well, unlucky.

His episode was so terrible. He ended up checking himself in in a San Antonio hospital. He checked himself in, ma'am. He snapped out of it on his way on his drive. Because he would go in and out of being lucid. So he checked himself in. And I was in Dallas. You're in Dallas.

So I was two hours away. I'm like, wow. again like you know you have an officer from West Ranch I'm already in Texas with with Harley sorry I miss one of your competitions yeah I don't think I ever missed them going on by myself she ended up driving with one of her friends who lived in Texas yeah I had a dear friend come with me and so I wasn't alone and I went to San Antonio and I picked him up and they allowed him to leave which was nice because they could have kept him for 72 hours and they allowed him to come with me and so I took him back we came back I had to get you situated you know

finished out the competition and put her on the plane where she needed to go. And Jared had his car. So, I mean, I remember that that night was so interesting when they got back from San Antonio because he stayed in the hotel with us. And I think at this point, he was lucid, like fully lucid, realizing what had happened and how we ended up in Texas. And we were just asking him questions. Well, this is where we knew the delusion was so bad. This is where we kind of learned how severe it had gotten for him. and how bad his loneliness was.

Yeah, he had said he was driving to Florida, Key West, to find the light, to jump through it so that he could be reconnected with his best friend. Yeah. And I remember there was a moment where I asked him, like, when did you realize that? Like, when did you get that? And he said, I was standing at the top of a parking garage

and God was speaking to me. And God told me, I have to drive to Florida to get to this light. He goes, I had thought about jumping. But then God redirected me to Florida to this glowing light to jump through it. So my best friend will talk to me again. Got it. Wow. And this was, yeah, this was only three weeks before we lost Jared.

Got it. Oh, wow. So that's how this all ties all the way back to. That's how we knew how prevalent. that rejection was. Yeah. It was really hard on him. He wanted that friendship back.

He wanted to be accepted. He wanted to be supported. Yeah. Just hearing you tell it, though, I get... Yeah. I get such chills because I know the significance of that parking garage. Yeah. And we'll get there.

So there we were in Texas. And I had to send her back. as sad as this is some of the best times that I cherish were having to drive him back to Arizona it was just me and him and we drove

you know just quality mom and son time and great conversations and even talk to and brush the topic of suicide hindsight I wish I really knew

what could happen although I I know I'm kind of powerless. I just wish I had that power. But it was a very special time. And my husband got us a nice hotel room along the way. And he had a nice dinner. And although I knew that he wasn't always loose.

I wasn't always with, you know, grounded Jared. It was up and down. We got back to ASU. I slept on a beanbag in a little holiday. in a little hallway. Boys in their dorm room. At this point, yeah, I'm like, okay, no. We got to see what we got to do here.

And I, you know, and I remember him showing me all this posters with his music. And he had the same music style. Everyone knew about Jared's music. Yeah, that was his thing. And he was going all over his room with his posters. Was it Chance the Rapper? Yeah, Chance the Rapper. M&M.

Oh, Eminem. Well, Eminem. This is his absolute favorite. Yeah. Yes, that was. And I have a soft spot. for Eminem. Yeah.

I hear that song and all I do is I think of Jared. Yeah. And then we got him home and it was spring break. So we got some really good quality time

in family time and one of my favorite last memories is we went to Santa Barbara even though you guys were fighting what are we supposed to do?

I met my family pictures. They sit on my nightstand. I look at them every night because last time I had my family together. And yeah, March 11th. Okay. And March 12th, it was time to go back to school.

And again, he couldn't stay here. And I understood that, you know, he felt trapped in SCV. And yeah, okay. And again, that's really where I should have said, absolutely no, you're not going back. I don't care if you never go to school again. You don't have to get your VA.

During that spring break in Santa Barbara, Barbara, was he struggling a law with any episodes or anything? No. No. No. He seemed really actually, oh. I mean, he was sad because he was dealing with a lot. But no, he seemed okay.

Okay. I almost wish he didn't seem okay because maybe it would say, oh, no, you're not going back. Right. No. I feel like his medications are working so well. I think it was his third batch of medication. I think that's why I want more time because medication, you have to have medication. over. You can't do it alone. It's just too hard.

Was he still doing the shots or what was? No, I think he only did the shot that one time because he was still having issue. So like obviously that medication wasn't doing the job. So he kept trying. He was on his third medication by this time. And obviously still having delusions and the mania and depression. So March 12. Yeah, March 12.

It's time to send him back. Sunday. It's time to send him back. Comes in my room at 4 o'clock in the morning because he's driving to tell me goodbye. I love him, be safe, drive safe. And strangely enough, my other son left later and he had a car accident that day. I remember he needed surgery

and he had an allergic reaction to the medication he was given and he had an episode. And it was all connected to the medication. And it was like it offered some insight. into what it's like to not have control of your emotions or your fumes or your thoughts. I remember that. So, that week, oh, Jared was my baby.

He wanted to be a social worker like me. And he was in the last stage of getting an internship. And he had to write an essay. And I think I have the essay up on the webpage. And then he talks about being a social worker and all of that. And do you think he was a little manic when he wrote it? Just a little. But I still have pride.

He sounded so good. He sounded like it's such a focus, like he knew what he wanted. And he was going to get this internship. And again, he would have. Maybe he's at the last stages and he would have had that. I think that next week you would have heard. I talked to him. David talked to him.

You probably talked to him that week. And he sounded like he's going to conquer the world. And again, you just think, okay, right? You think that's a good thing, but it was really a sign of mania. And I didn't see it. And I remember him visiting my dorm room that week when I got back to, because I was also at Arizona State. And I was on a different campus, and we both went back when spring break ended.

And he visited me, and he seemed normal. He seemed totally back to himself, just fun, loving was visiting. and I don't think any of us saw anything at that moment in that week. No, I was really proud of him. I was, he had plans that Saturday, the 18th, we go to a baseball game or like a minors baseball game. And again, I should have known because one of his triggers was large crowds. It was something if he was here today, I would say,

you're done with large crowds unless you have a chaperon who knows how to watch you. Yeah. And he went, went missing. But he went to the game. He went to the game with his friend, his roommate. And his roommate was too scared to say anything. Totally. So he spent a few hours before he even called my parents to tell him that he was missing and left this game and just never came back.

He disappeared during the game. He just left in the middle of the game and never returned. And no one wanted to say anyone. By himself. By himself. And no one wanted to say anything. Right. And again, it was a cheer event.

None of us were home. I always said she happened to be home again. Yeah. It's another weird coincidence. And we were driving home and Brooke was in the car with me. And we were dealing with this. And I mean, we've seen him go missing a couple other times. And the weight of that was hard.

And I remember we finally got home. Brooke had to bolt and get away. Because she knew in her gut something was really bad. And she just went down the street to be with her. the neighborhood kids and try to do whatever she could. And we were just on the phone trying to find out where he went. And my husband was on the phone with the fireman. I hope I never have a moment like that ever again in my life.

When I could tell, I could hear. But I knew they told him that they found Jared. He wasn't alive. Some glad Brooke was outside the house. I screeched. Oh, I screeched. And fell. I literally fell to the ground.

Because a part of me died that day. I wish I could have saved him. I wish I could have him back. The what-ifs and so much I'd love to go back. But all I could do is keep him going. He wanted to help people. He always did. Oh, he's in high school.

He was that friend. He would have been a social worker if he got in control of this. So the foundation is him. It's him. We're the little worker bees. We're behind it. It's so crazy hearing the backside of like the day that everyone found out about Jared because I was not there on. No, I told you at a cheer event. I'm so sorry. I was the last person to find out. Yeah, because Tanner happened to be home because of his surgery. So he got to come home. I think that's actually the first time I've heard the other end of it because I don't ask those questions. I don't want to. I don't want to know how everyone found out. Yeah, but yeah, she was such a... I chose not to tell her.

So actually what I did, because there was a couple of people I had to tell. Yeah, before Harley. And I did it on purpose because I wanted her to go on stage. It was a two-day competition. I just wanted to finish it up because, you know, just because it's something you need to do. And I believe in team. And I just need to get through this anyways.

I went to my sister. And I had my mom meet me there. And I told me. her. And the first thing out of her mouth, she says, did I do this? Oh, boy. No. No. It was actually the most, I think, human thing. I actually saw her and my sister. I've since lost my sister. And I was there when she passed, which was one of the greatest things. I'm so, because we had that rift because of Jared, or time away because of Jared. But then after telling my mom and my sister. And they came to your cheer competition. They were supposed to go. That was the first time.

It was the first time I had ever been to a chair competition. I didn't want to ruin that memory or that ability. So I let it happen. I knew something was wrong because I didn't see Stacy when I got off the stage. I was like, where is Stacy a grandma? I was like, aren't they coming to my chair competition? And part of me just, I just knew. I was so hard to tell you. And you were the hardest. She didn't even have to tell me what happened. She just said, Jared's gone. And I said, and I said, how, and she's like, the way he was going to. And I just knew. Yeah. And that's, I was at this point the only other person,

besides my mom, that had known his plans. Right. Three weeks prior. Right. And so I just, I knew. Struck you. That's stupid parking structure. Yeah. And I knew. And this is, I know everyone has a different story around suicide. For Jared, it wasn't about not wanting to live.

Yeah. I have no doubt. just wanted to show to that light. Yeah. And he wasn't, he was, wasn't, he was seeing things that weren't real. Do you think it's easier to digest if it is that it was that more so than the reason why the majority of suicide happens? Each year I try to go to Survivor Day and I sit in a room with other suicide survivors.

And it is a little odd and I, 100%. Yeah. And I don't even want to think of the other possibility. Yeah. And I truly don't think it is. I truly think he was delusional and not of his same mind and wanted to jump through a light. He gave it to you three weeks before. He told it.

And that's what happened in, you know, in Texas and driving to Key West. So, yeah, I can relate to parents who have that. Because obviously he was depressed and with his different situation, but he was still fighting really, really, really hard. Yeah. That takes it to a level where you, that rejection that you really failed. And I have enough. Oh, do I have enough of that anyway, especially I'm a mom. I'm a social worker.

You know, I should have been able to do something. But yeah, it's a good question. Yeah, because I feel like hearing that, hearing that that was what his episode was three weeks prior. Like, not at all. I don't, I don't know what the word is. It doesn't make me feel better, obviously, but it just, like, obviously he was struggling, but to know that, like, in his mania, he was, like, going to the light and, like, doing something, like, good that he was supposed, like,

not that it makes me feel better, but it makes me feel better to know that, you know, that, you know, he wasn't like I don't deserve to let like that. He wasn't in that pain, that agony that people get to when they do that by suicide. I mean, yes, he died by suicide, but to me he died due to being bipolar. That's really what happened. So obviously we talk about suicide. We still feel, I mean, obviously that's what happened. That's a little bit different in terms of Jared and his mental illness.

So what for both of you, what was the grief process? to begin with and how has that changed and evolved over the last six, six, seven? Six and a half years. I think we both have very different paths to how we grieved. For me, I was probably the one who had to be funny to hold everyone else together. It was so heavy in our household and so heavy with like even Jared's friends. I remember not even having for the first at least five months, I didn't have time to even grief. because I felt like I was taking care of

my parents who were grieving should be grieving. My little sister and my brother and all of Jared's friends a huge community of people have devastated. And all I could think to do was be funny.

It cracked the most inappropriate jokes at the worst time. You did have a couple. I don't say any of them. I'm not going to say I'm on this talk about. They're so bad. I actually feel like I do remember you saying something

at like his memorial that was like maybe questionable but I was probably okay I just remember as a moral my only memory from that is literally walking up the hill at and you're wearing these outrageously large heels on this grass hill and I'm holding on to you for dear life that's probably what I was joking about that's all I remember is walking the cell and you need to giant like seven inch heels and I was like girl wow wow I didn't remember that proud of myself that's all I can remember yeah no you know what sense of humor I mean the manrose and that's kind of kind of our thing thing. Right. So I mean, if you remember my speech, I think I literally

called all Jared's friends hot. During during my eulogy, I'm like, Jared at the hottest friends. I said that in front of 600 people. I did it. That was like one moment I could do it. Oh, yeah.

It's the one moment you're allowed and nobody could say anything. Right. You're shot. Oh my gosh. Absolutely. That's very funny. That is great. That was great.

right. Oh, Harley. A pit bull? It's right. So a little different for you. It's very different for me. But before I get to me, I want to go back to Brooke. Yeah.

Because she was the baby. And her grief developmentally was really, and she's going to watch it. She's going to get so mad at me. She absolutely is. Yeah. We love you. Yeah. And I love her.

She's, she's, she's my baby. She's my heart. Her life changed that day. Yeah. She's, sorry, honey. She's still working on it. I wish she was here today. I know she gets mad when we do things without her.

She's very much, she's one of us, but she's, she's in the Navy. Very proud of her. But her grief and how it changed her is the hardest. And that's part of my grief, because I can't take away. And I can't take away your pain. Although, look at you. You have turned a pain

into a friggin' rock star. Yeah. And Brooke, I mean, her in the Navy, she has too, but she has more to do. I want to feel that void. I want her to know

how much she's loved. She was so connected to Jared and him going. She takes personal sometimes. And it's like, she's so incredible. I'll be special. I want, I want her to feel whole.

if I could fix that and her know how much she's loved and that he still loves her. That grief is hard. I don't know if I'm allowed to say this on here. So if not, we'll cut it out. But I do remember one of the things that Brooke said after, which, to say, is hard to say. But I remember her saying it should have been me. Oh, we don't even. Okay.

That's what I remember. And I think that's one of the hardest things for her to get over. Was she felt that Jared was a perfect child. And everyone loved him. And that it was unfair that it was him. And so she lives with his grief every day of that. And that's probably the hardest thing I would say. there's nothing harder than having your kids in pain and having no control.

I want all my kids happy no matter what that looks like. My process is to this day it's what I do. I think people are always kind of a little surprised by me, but I jump in. I had to find purpose. Yeah. I couldn't sit idly just sitting there as much as I wanted to be in a corner and that's it. within six months I had this foundation.

I'm Googling. Googling, Googling, Googling how to do a foundation. And I think I might have done it a little wrong. I'm still working on it. Every day is a working process. But I did it. I got that 501.3C.

You know, I don't know what I did, but I did it. I keep busy. I have to keep busy. And I've learned, and I know everybody knows how much. I love Jared and I love my family. But I've learned. it's okay to have happy moments

and you have to have them. Even though the worst things happen, you have to find those times and smile and live and love and I'm incredibly grateful for your father and how often he knows that I need and he takes me out every weekend

and makes me get out there and I don't have guilt over it. I think some people who are in my situation have guilt over having happy moments and I don't know what tomorrow's going to be. I might not be here. I don't know. While I'm here, I want to keep his memory going.

I know, you know, watch my children thrive. But I need to have the happy moments too. It's important, important. So purpose. And that's what he wants for you guys. I remember thinking that, like, how quick you got everything, like, set up after. And I was like, that it's, like, exactly what, like, Jared would want, like, you to be doing with, your life and time and your purpose.

Yeah, what's so cool. What's so cool is like, is that? Like, you guys are working for him. Yeah. Absolutely. I feel like he's your boss. He is my boss. Every day.

I don't think we feel at any point, this is us. This is him. We would not be successful. I mean, I'm so glad that you knew him. You understand the light that he had and how much he was loved. it's his memory, his energy that makes us every year be able to give out scholarships.

If it wasn't Jared, he had a lot to give even when he's not here. He was just, he was so special. Yeah, he was. Yeah, I mean, I feel like I feel a fraction of that just from him. Like, yeah, being best friends with them

so I can't imagine what that was happening. He loved you and Megan. Oh, did he love you and Megan? Yeah. you guys were also. Yeah. The old days. Yeah.

I love him. I'm like only you guys could drag Jerry to a dance competition for hours. Only you guys. Oh my gosh. Oh, the dance competitions. Yeah. I just, yeah,

I think he was such like an important role to me in high school because I think a lot of, you know, a lot of girls in high school definitely deal with like their self-worth and, you know, all of that because you're still like figuring out who you are. So many times literally like, every day he would like tell me how beautiful I was or like if I was struggling with something or with the guy or whatever it was or he just was always so assuring like of me not even just telling me I was beautiful but just like you know like you don't deserve them or you're better than them

or whatever just encouraging me um and he he did play like such a role like I look back at these photos of us like all through high school and like I'm instantly taken back to even just how like how I felt in those moments. Like the one where we're like in the green, it was my 17th birthday, I think, at my house. And he's sitting in a chair and I like jumped in his lap and I'm like holding my arm around him. And like I just remember like, I remember exactly where we were like in

my parents' garage and just like talking. And then I was going in and out. But I always kept going back to Jared and he was just like a safe spot for me. And like all of these stuff. photos I look and I'm just like, you can just tell. I'm literally just like, we're squeezing each other like the love that, um, I had for him was just like, and that, I mean, I know, I know it wasn't just me. I know there was a lot of other people that felt that love for him because that's like, exactly. You know, I think everyone who knows him would describe him probably the

same way and have the same experiences. Yeah. He just said that for everybody. Like, I remember even when I was in high school, I didn't have many friends and the ones I did were not always nice. And I remember Jared actually went out of his way to connect me to his friends. And then one day before, a football game, dropped me off at his best friend's house and said, this is my sister Harley. I need you to be friends with her. So that's really embarrassing to say. But he did do it. And that friendship was 10 years long. Wow. Oh. Because of Jared. You're talking to my, really? That's how you became friends with them? That's how I became friends.

Wow. Jared dropped me off at the twins house and said, I need you to be friends with my sister. She doesn't have many friends. Wow. I didn't know that. Yeah. Okay. We know, but quickly for our listeners, can you tell them Jared Monroe Foundation? Thank you for taking this interview over. You just keep, yeah. Just a little bit about it, the annual scholarships you guys give out. So cool. Because, yeah, what you guys do is amazing.

Well, we started the foundation, yeah, six months after we lost Jared. And it was actually my mom's idea to do scholarships. Because we remember how lonely Jared felt and how we kind of felt in those moments that I'll never be a social worker. I don't know if I'll ever be able to accomplish my dreams now. I don't know if my friends believe me, people believe in me if I could do this. And he had moments like that. And for us, we recognize that there are many, many other people that feel that same way. Yeah.

And especially after Jared, we had an outlaw from the community, people from high school, people from her high school. from all over from different walks of life telling us their stories and their family members are also struggling with mental health and a lot of people who had bipolar disorder actually and none of them had resources, none of them had talked about their own experiences or had friends or family that knew what they were going to because people were embarrassed or they were really scared.

And immediately my mom was like, what can we do to make people, one, have the resources they need to know you're not alone. This is what you can do. These are the next steps. But also how can we reassure them and empower them that that's not defining you? That's not going to define your future. And that's how the scholarships were born.

It was purely out of, I will never want anyone to feel the way Jared felt in that year. And it's amazing to have watched it grown. In the first year, we had just a couple applications. Yeah, right? A couple. And I'm still very connected to the very first person. He was at the first gala, which I know you guys were at. And we gave him more because we felt, but we didn't have any money the first year.

So we gave him more, you know, later on. Because I would love, if I could, I'd give $23,000 to everybody who meets the criteria. Do you know the significance behind that? Oh, the 23? Maybe we tell everyone that. So Jared was a big football player. And let me talk about the beginning days of Jared. So we could see how insignificant football was.

He was not always good at it. He was not always good at it. He actually was pretty bad. He was a 12-play player. And he's at the Castaicca Cougars And we won't go into that story We ended up at the Outlaws I played for them

For the Cougars Well then you made you know a little bit about them Oh I moved to the Warriors Yep And we moved to the Outlaws So okay So he would Because of what happened with the Cougars

They felt bad They put him on the absolute Best team possible Where he stunk But he worked hard And he was born. Goggle boy. But he worked hard and he became good. And by the time he got to West Ranch,

he was no longer a 12 play player. And his number at West Ranch was 23. So that's why we do everything around 23. He was very proud of that number. He was a first strength player. He was the weble wobble. Knock him down and up he goes and he could never injure him. And if you did, he was getting back up. He would never know. He had a heart. And he, and he was, All the coaches loved him. His team mates loved him, the cheerleaders, the dancers.

Although he was always in the friend zone, I will say. How was that guy? He didn't really appreciate that. Right, because he said he wasn't, yeah. He, he, let me assure you, he loved the girls. This we know. This I know. Exactly.

Exactly. He did. He loved the girls. So 23. So if I could, I would give $23,000 to the people who we could give out to, everyone. So often I'll give $2,300 for my big ones because we, you know, and I'm still, I'm amazed at the donations we still get. We're small, but each year we're growing in terms of applications. This year we had 60 applications.

And each year you know where they find it. And the stories, oh, oh, the stories that we hear and, oh, a lot of heartache and a lot of success and a lot of hospitalizations, suicide attempts. But they're in college. They're doing it. They're persevering. And yeah. So every single story, I'd say, has resilience. Yeah.

Every single one, no matter what the path was to get there, they all had dreams. Yeah. Regardless of everything. And some stories, things you can't imagine, things you would never see in your daily life. Trauma can lead to mental illness. Yeah. And it's crazy to see they have, they have really big dreams. And they're not giving up on them.

They never will. And they never should. No. And we're excited to play a little part in that. The most amazing part, I think, of the foundation is when we send the emails out on May 30th. His birthday. On Jared's birthday. Yeah.

And we send them out. And the responses we get back about how much, just that email alone changed their life. Not even the number of significance of how much we gave them, but wow, you believed in me. Yeah. You changed my life. You believed in me. Your foundation believed in me. Oh, my gosh.

And I love when they come back and they do. We just posted recently when they come back to give us an update. I love it. Even a year later. It's absolutely amazing how well they're doing it. That's incredible, guys. Yeah. That's, yeah.

From 2 to 60. Since you started. Six years. Zero to 100 quick. That's how our family does it usually. I love you guys for that. So I normally do like 11 and 11, but we kind of wanted to like curate a couple questions. just for this specifically.

No, I'll go ahead. I usually do odds. What would you say is the most misunderstood thing about bipolar disorder? I would probably say that it only happens to a certain type of person. I think so many people think that especially mental illness as a whole, but specifically something like bipolar disorder, they think it only happens if you're like genetically predisposed or live a certain lifestyle. A lot of people don't realize it can happen.

to any person you know. It just has to be the right condition, the right trigger, and it can happen to anybody. I think that was one thing with Jared. People were so shocked that it was Jared because people don't expect it to happen to just anybody. Would you agree with that problem? No, I totally agree. It's always shocking when you hear a certain person as by floor disorder.

He seems so well-adjusted and happy and had such friends and football player and everything going right. no one would think it would happen to someone like Jared. Yeah. I mean, I remember when I found out, I remember that day that was yesterday, so I can't imagine how you guys feel, but I remember Megan calling me and telling me. And I just remember being so, like, I mean, I was in shock,

but I was also just very confused. And, like, obviously, like, I knew a fraction of, like, mental health stuff of that's what I do now. but I was like, I don't like remember any of this. And then she told me that, you know, he struggled with bipolar. And I was like, I literally didn't even see any like, like I was so confused, you know, when I found out. Yeah. But yeah, I think that that is like after, you know, getting to like actually hear his story, like how much, you know, traumatic events can trigger stuff and how much like, you know, it's just like not the right place at the right time.

I guess, like that's just kind of, you know, how it can happen. Yeah. Oh, this would be me. Number two, what is the greatest advice you have received in regards to the grieving process? Allow yourself to grieve as often or as needed as you need to do. There is no rhyme or reason. You don't know when you're going to need to grieve. And it's always okay to grieve.

Yeah. just however you need to grieve grief it's important yeah I never know when it's going to hit me I'm usually pretty good when I'm in front of people today not so much um you did great today I played great today oh that's so Jared I played great today after every game I played great today yeah I can hear I'm saying that totally it is what it is yep um yeah you never know when it's it's an ocean it's waves and you have to take care of yourself. That's where I need to go to the beach on my Sundays.

I need to get on my bike. I need to travel. I need to fresh air on my face. Because it hurts. Yeah. If you could go back to one moment with Jared, what would that moment be? And what would you say?

Oh, it's so hard. I have to say for me and our family, I would go to Friday Night Lights. You were a cheerleader. I had two boys on the field. I had Brooke running around with all her dance buddies. I'll never forget when I had all of them, you know, he'd running around at West Ranch.

And we were the happiest Friday Night Lights. The same for me. Because when Jared was a senior, I was a junior. And so I got a cheer for his team. So every time after a game, we'd go to In-N-N-Out. Yeah. I probably go back to one of those. Yeah. Those nights are always so special.

Yeah. I have a tattoo on my back. And I'm not a, anyone who knows me, I'm not a tattoo girl. I don't believe in them. You know, in the Jewish culture, you're not supposed to get them. Whatever. Jared would know how significant it would be that I got one for him. On it has our song called Keep Holding On. And it comes from the good old Cougars.

And it was a tough situation. And together, we were very bonded. I'm like, you know, together, you keep holding on. You're going to get through it. And to watch him come from that situation, 12 play player, to being the stud was amazing. I'd go back in a heartbeat watching that and having him play on that field and that confidence that he had and that happiness on that field. Oh, yeah. He loved football.

He found his place. Yeah. My number 23, he found it. Well, I just want to thank you guys so much for coming over and doing this because, you know, I've been wanting to do this episode for a while. One, selfishly for myself, but also for, you know, our listeners because I talk about him so much. I think something that I always say about Jared and I believe it true to a lot of circumstances is like a life loss is a life gained and what you guys are doing with the foundation and what we've been able to do with the podcast and with the foundation. We wouldn't be doing any of it, you know, if it wasn't for him. And I am a painfully optimistic person.

My husband would attest to that. I always, always, always try to find a positive in something. And I think back, I mean, I work at my desk and I look at him every day and I'm like, I would not be living this purpose-filled life that I like wake up and get to do all of these things that I'm so passionate about if it like was not for him. So I just I love you guys and I love that we've still been able to like stay close in that. Yeah, I'm just happy. And we love you. So love you. And I love that his spirit is completely there with you.

And all that you're doing, he would be and is so proud of you. You have a great reach. And I love that you're making a difference. Thank you. Yeah. I love it. Thank you so much for squeezing us into your day. Please be sure to rate, review, and follow our pod and check out full episodes on YouTube.

You can follow me at Taylor. Loutner, my lovely wife, at Taye Loutner. Check out the squeeze on Instagram at The Squeeze. And also give a little glance and a follow to Lemons by Tay. That's at Lemonsbytee on Instagram and lemonsbytea.com. And also be sure to email us, laughtner.orgat the squeeze podcast at gmail.com. If you guys have any questions, any guests you'd like to see you.

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