The Squeeze - Tyler Blackburn: Healing, Self-Worth, and Asking for Help

Episode Date: March 11, 2026

In this week’s episode, Tay sits down with actor and singer Tyler Blackburn! Tyler reflects on how he first got started in acting, the audition process that led to his role on Pretty Little Liars, and what it was like navigating sudden fame and attention from the show. He opens up about growing up being bullied, his struggles with body image, and the journey of coming out with his sexuality. Tyler also shares about the dark place he found himself in last year, what ultimately brought him to that breaking point, and the moment he realized he needed to ask his family for help. He also talks about how his definition of self-worth today looks very different than it did ten years ago, what it takes to learn to love and celebrate himself again, and what he’s most proud of in himself today!Be sure to follow Tyler https://instagram.com/tylerjblackburn/!To email us your questions or share your story, you can reach out to [e-mail] sure to rate, review, and follow the podcast so you don't miss an episode! Plus, follow us on all of our socials:The SqueezeInstagram: https://instagram.com/thesqueeze/TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@thesqueezepodcastTay LautnerInstagram: https://instagram.com/taylautner/TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@mrstaylautnerAmazon Storefront https://urlgeni.us/amazon/FDXj7 Taylor LautnerInstagram: https://instagram.com/taylorlautner/TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@taylorlautnerTo learn more from The Lemons Foundation, follow https://instagram.com/lemonsbytay/ and visit https://lemonsbytay.comEpisode Sponsors:Find your favorite flavor at PremierProtein.com, or at Amazon, Walmart, and other major retailers.Ollie. Feed the Obsession. Go to ollie.com/squeeze and use code squeeze to get 60% off your first box!Let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push, and go. Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread+ at onepeloton.comFind furniture, decor, and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. As an exclusive offer, new listeners can get their choice between organic ground beef, chicken breast or shrimp in every box for a year, PLUS $20 off when you go to ButcherBox.com/squeeze. Visit gatorade.com to learn more.MB014GJJJKQV82RSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I don't have those things I'm nothing already nothing, and it caused a true spiral. What got you to that breaking point? Was there something that kind of triggered it, or were you just like, I'm done? It's a little bit of a layered story. After a couple of years, I started really

manifesting physical problems. And so I started having health issues, gut health issues, crazy vertigo. And then I found out my spine was broken. I don't know how. I had to have full spine surgery. I was trying all these different avenues. Nothing was happening.

My love life was tumultuous. I felt really alone. I was really cruel to myself. I look at it almost now, like me as a spiritual being, was trying to, like, wake me up. And it got really wild. And I realized that I wasn't making the kind of money I had been making. If I don't have the money and the nice things, what do I have?

Yeah. Who am I? Last year, I had to ask for help for my family and friends in a way that I was not comfortable with. I don't think I could have gotten through that time without my family, my friends. Yeah. and I felt like people showed up for me in a really immediate way and a really magical way. Happy Wednesday, you little lemon drops.

I am so excited because this week's guest is Tyler Blackburn, and you probably know him from Pretty Little Liars. This show was my go-to show in high school. My girlfriends and I, I think it was on Tuesday nights. Every Tuesday, we would end dance at like 8.30. We would all go to Whole Foods. We would all pick up dinner, and then we would all drive to one of our houses. to watch the new episode that was coming out that week.

And it is such a fun memory of mine to look back on. And we just had so much fun doing that. So I was super excited to sit down with Tyler this week and really hear more about his story, his time on Pretty Little Liars, but also what's been going on in his personal life recently. Tyler and I had a very honest and vulnerable conversation about him reaching an emotional breakdown last year. and what really led to that over years and years of being in the industry and how he's learned to work through that. We talked about what accepting yourself really means to him and how he's learned to heal from past trauma. This episode was so sweet and I can't wait for you guys to hear it because I left so inspired after talking with Tyler.

So hope you enjoy. Tyler, welcome to the squeeze. Thank you so much for having. I have to tell you, we were just talking about high school. We grew up in the same city. my girlfriends, I texted them this morning, so I grew up dancing. And in high school, once we all got our driver's licenses, we would all, every Tuesday, we would finish dance at 8.30.

We would go to Whole Foods. We would get our healthy dinner. And then we would go over to someone's house and watch the new episode of Pretty Little Liars. Oh, that's fun. And so I texted them today. And I was like, guess who I'm having on the podcast? And they were like, oh, my gosh. Oh, my God.

It was just like a core memory for us. Like my parents, my parents had friends like when they had like just moved into their house and they had like a couple other like younger couples that lived on their street and they would watch friends every week. Yeah. Yeah. And so this was like my friends when there was still like cable television. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, that's funny because that friends was like a nostalgic thing for me.

Like that was a comfort show. It still is like I'll put it on sometimes still. But my favorite thing is when people say to me that PLL was their comfort show. Yeah. Because it's like we all had. that or hopefully, you know, and to be a part of that, it's, that's kind of, that's the most important thing for me that came out of it. Yeah. You know, and it's still, is streaming. People are still watching it. All of them are like, it's so, they were all like, I was just thinking

about rewatching it. Like, we all want to, I feel like I've actually forgotten it enough now that I could. You could. I mean, it's a commitment. It's like seven seasons, 22 episodes a season. Like, it's a commitment, but it's kind of like. Is it really 22? 22. Yeah. I forget that that was like, that was probably like normal back then. Right? Oh, yeah. I mean, I think like, I think. Because now it's like eight episodes and that's it.

I know. Yeah, it was, that was pretty common back then. Is that why there was just like so many A's? Yeah. I mean, I, I, I remember the time being like, okay, this is getting redundant, blah, blah, blah. But I'm like, I can't imagine being one of the writers and having to be like, or any of the writers and having to be like, what are we doing now? Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. But yeah. It was really an incredible time in my life. Yeah. It makes me sad for like my kids and like this next like generation. They're not going to like they could. I mean technically I guess streamers are now doing like the weekly releases. And I still have like some watch parties.

But I feel like having to like go to someone's house to really wait for it and like wait for the commercials and like all that stuff is like such like a sweet. I know. Such a sweet time. I know. There are so many memories that I have as a kid that I'm like, I just don't know that kids experience it in the same way anymore. I know. You know, but it's just, it's their new reality. I know.

I was just telling, I was just telling Taylor the other day. I was like, maybe we, like, do the opposite and, like, just raise our kids, like, really sheltered, like, on the farm somewhere and, like, don't give them access to anything. Because I feel like we've just, like, swung so much. Like, I think about when I was a kid. And I was, I forget what I was listening to, but how, like, I used to play. outside with my neighbors all the time growing up and like go knock on their door and all that stuff and now like I don't I know does that happen I did video games off and on okay uh when I was a kid but yeah I spent so much more time outside just exploring the hills and Santa Clarita I'd just like go in there

and play Buffy the Vampire Slayer with my friends and like you know what I mean like it was constantly like I had this this group of friends in sixth grade where we would run around the streets playing what we called scream okay which was like tag but the person who was it wore the scream outfit and we committed hard to this because we all loved film we all loved horror and so the person who was it wore the scream outfit or costume and then I know and we would do it at night like we were psycho I don't know what like but we were we had the best time and so if you got if you were tagged you were stabbed where did he stab you in the arm great you could still run around but you had to pretend your arm was stabbed yeah if he got you in the head or the back or the heart

you're done you lay there for the rest of the game yeah you're out so we committed it was so fun That is some of the best memories. I love that. Okay, well, we start each episode off with this jar. It's a game called citrus got real. If you want to pull a little piece of paper out of there and read it to lemon drops. Yeah, they all kind of fell. If you were a tree, what tree would you be?

L.O. What? You hate that? No, so random. Now I got to think of my trees. Maybe I'd probably be a Christmas tree, like a pine tree. Okay. Like Christmas.

But like decorated or not? Maybe just, oh, frick. I'm rethinking my answer. Do you have one? Okay. My first thought was an olive tree just because I love olive trees of the moat. Like, they're so beautiful to me.

But I also kind of feel like, like my, if I could live any kind of life, it would be on an island. So I'm thinking maybe a palm tree would be me. That's good. Yeah. Or a fruit tree, actually. I mean, look at a lemon trees right behind.

You should be a lemon tree. Yeah, frick. Okay. I'm a lemon tree. I actually have like five lemon trees like on our property. On the property? Yeah. There you go.

I know. Great. Okay. Lemon and a palm tree. I love that for us. Yeah. Okay. So I'm just like curious about PLL days and all of that stuff.

So I'm going to ask all of my fun questions. But going back to like way the beginning, you're auditioning for it. Had you been acting prior to that? Like what was your, what were your, what were your, goals back then? Were you wanting to be an actor? Oh yeah. Back time. I mean, I went to a preschool where we really focused on performing arts. So like dancing, you know, it was kind of just something that I loved all the time, like from a very young age. I loved the idea of performing. And so I did theater throughout like middle school. I did, I started pursuing acting a bit

professionally in middle school too, but it was mostly for commercials and print and stuff. And then took a break and towards the end of high school, when everyone's applying for colleges and stuff, it was like, I knew what I wanted to do. Like, yes, I loved and I romanticized the idea of college, but it was also this thing of like, but I already know what I want to do. Yeah. And I was obviously told, like, you need a backup plan, so you should go to college. Sure.

And it was like, something in my gut was like, I feel like if I have too solid of a backup plan, I'm going to fall back on that, you know? Yeah. And I wanted to be an actor quite badly. You know, and so I started driving from Santa Clarita down to Hollywood to take an acting class in like my junior year, I think. Okay. And got managers towards the end of that year and started auditioning then. So I was about 16 or 17 when I started like actually auditioning for stuff.

Yeah. And so I was auditioning from 16 to 17. And then I think I was 22 or three when I got PLL. So between that time, I booked like some guest spots and stuff. But, you know, in some commercials, nothing to keep me afloat. I had normal jobs. going on as many auditions as I could. I had a manager at the time who just really believed in me

and was just so incredible. Shout out Joe Lorenzo. And he pushed me and really was like, it's just a matter of time. Yeah. And I would audition. I mean, like I came close to a role in gossip girl. I mean, there were things like the momentum sort of building.

Yeah. You know. And so then, but I think also too, too, like it was in those earlier years. I think, like, for me in my late teens, early 20s, I kind of had this explosion after high school where I just kind of got a little wild. And I was partying a lot.

And I was not taking care of myself. And so simultaneously in pursuing this career, and I felt very emotionally, spiritually, and, like, mentally all over the place. And I think for me, like, I had to kind of settle into myself and I had to define who I was for me. me in a way and I had to do it. I would say that's kind of young to do that. You know what I mean? Late teens, early 20s. But then once I did, I started working. I was on a soap for a little while.

I was on days of our lives for a little while. And then that ended. And then PLL happened. And it just, I was supposed to be in only four episodes. And then they kept having me back for, you know, episode after episode as like a recurring guest. And then and then I booked a, a pilot for NBC. And because I was just a recurring guest on PLL, they had to let me do it. And then they realized, uh-oh,

we might lose him. So then they said, once the NBC pilot didn't get picked up, then they said, we want to make you a series regular as Caleb. And I was like, hell yeah. Oh my gosh.

Yeah. When did the show, like, start gaining momentum? Like, was it right off the back? I'm trying to, like, remember. So my character came in halfway through the first season. Okay. So, like, there were 10 episodes before,

I even showed up. When I got on the show, I could feel there was buzz about it, you know, because I think it was around the same time as like gossip girl and stuff. So that sort of like teen world, that YA. The phones. Exactly. And that was kind of the beginning of that, right? Yeah.

Where it was like the phones and social media in some way we're starting. But yeah, I feel like it kind of already had some momentum, but it was pretty quick. I'm not going to lie to you. Like once my episodes started airing, it genuinely felt like my life started to change overnight, you know, went from feeling pretty much anonymous to like being followed around Trader Joe's and Toluca Lake and stuff. You know what I mean? Like it really was crazy and then it just kind of got crazier. As social media really started building too, right? We utilized social media in a way that other shows hadn't yet. Yeah. You know? I didn't even have social media really. It was like private. I barely used it. And I was told by the, you know, studio and stuff like you should really be leaning into Instagram now and you know oh wow that's interesting so it was it was kind of like that that impetus of yeah social media was it exciting stressful all of the above when that attention started happening like was it were you just like living in the moment or I was honestly it felt a little surreal okay but it was also a

feeling that I had worked my ass off. Yeah. And this life that I felt like I knew was going to happen for me was happening, which, you know, just on a human level, that is so validating. Yeah. And it just made me feel so empowered. You know what I mean? Obviously, there were elements about it that were weird.

Yeah. You know what I mean? For sure. Obviously, that was strange because you sort of think about the idea of being recognizable or just a working actor and what that entails. Yeah. You romanticize it. And in a lot of ways, it does mirror the exact thing that you always thought it would be. But then there are other things that start to feel a little bit scary.

Like if people just start showing up to your house and you're like, how did you even get my address? Yeah. You know, and just stuff like, and I'm sure that you guys have some experience with it. You know what I mean? Well, yeah, no, that's obviously Taylor has, I always say Taylor, like, literally lived a full life before I met. We've been together for eight years. And a lot of our relationship, he has been just taking time off and resetting. Because he was, was he a teenager during Twilight?

Yeah, he was 16, 17, 18. Oh, my God. I feel like I met him back in the day because I used to hang out with Kristen a little bit. Okay. I think I met him once or twice back in the day. and then we have mutual friends too. I just always remember him being so sweet. Like a kind, kind soul, which I just felt like that's,

you might be in one of the biggest movies ever made. Yeah. And to have that sort of soul still is pretty telling. Yeah. Yeah, he still has that. He's literally just like the nicest person. He's so kind. I love that.

I always wonder, like, how did he not, like, I feel like he's just, like, one in a million with how he, obviously, he very much has struggled with body image issues and mental health and stuff that he's opened up about. But I always just say, it's, like, it's insane that he stayed, like, sane pretty much. Like, he didn't have a big mental breakdown. He didn't turn to drugs. He didn't, like, the fact that he has just always been himself and is still so, like, no ego. Like loving is really cool. But I mean, yeah, I hear stories from him about like, I feel like that time period, like was like, like, I feel like that was kind of like the last of like, like not the hype of celebrities, but like celebrities I feel like because of social media and everything now. I feel like and because of how much content is out there now.

Yeah, it's like so saturated. It's not. Yeah. It's not as like hyped up. But then it was like, I mean, they were being followed everywhere. Sure, you guys were too. Like, it was just like you were on, like a TV show or a movie. Like, you were famous and you were like in this category.

Now it's like a little more. Yeah, like, just saturated. Okay, lemon drops. I am so excited to introduce to you Gatorade lower sugar. This has 75% less sugar than Gatorade. It has no artificial flavors, sweeteners, or colors. And I figured what better way to try these flavors than to do a little taste test with you? Because they are looking delicious.

delicious. We have here. We have rainberry. We also have lemonade, which is very fitting for this podcast. And we also have Fruit Punch. This one is Taylor's favorite. I haven't tried them yet, so I'm going to see which one is my favorite. Let's start off with this rainberry. Oh, that's good. You can actually taste that it's less sugar, but not in a bad way. I don't love super sugary drinks. This feels very hydrating, but with a little bit of flavor. Okay, next is lemonade. Okay, this one might be my favorite, which I kind of knew because I'm a lemon girlie, if you couldn't tell by the fruit that's behind me.

But let's try this one, Fruit Punch, Taylor's favorite. Drum roll. Oh, shoot, that one's good too. No, I don't really know. I kind of think all of them. If I had to choose, I think I'm going with lemonade just because lemons are my favorite. What I love about Gatorade is that Gatorade hydrates better than water. and when I think Gatorade and Electrolites, I feel like I think about people that are working out every day, intensely sweating, but majority of us aren't getting the electrolytes that we actually need.

So incorporating something like Gatorade, especially these lower sugar ones, is so easy to do, especially like a midday. I'm like a midday drink girl. I love to have a little snack, a little tea, a little drink, whatever it may be. And having a little Gatorade midday is the perfect pickup. and it really hydrates you and gets you going for the rest of your day. Like many of us, I feel like I am always on the go, whether that's doing podcast tapings, work prep, work for the foundation, going to carpets and events and traveling. I am always looking for an easy fix to make sure I'm getting my hydration in. So being able to just grab a bottle of Gatorade and take it with me on the go wherever I am is truly so easy and it's so easy to incorporate. I feel like there's so

many different wellness things we try to incorporate and try to get in our electrolytes somehow, but it's truly so simple to get it in with Gatorade. And the fact that it has 75% less sugar, I feel so much better drinking it. I am so excited to start incorporating this Gatorade Lower Sugar into my routine. And it's so simple and you guys should definitely try it too. Try Gatorade lower sugar today. It's available on Gatorade.com and in stores nationwide. Cheers. Lately, my life has felt like a constant juggling act between work, social plans, travel, trying to move my body, and still show up for myself, there are so many days where my own health ends up taking a backseat. I'll look up and realize I've been running around all day, answering emails, hopping from one thing to the next,

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Head to ollie.com slash squeeze. Tell them all about your dog and use code squeeze to get 60% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today. Plus they offer an obsession guarantee. If you're not completely obsessed, you'll get your money back. That's OLLI-E.com slash squeeze and enter code squeeze to get 60% off your first box. Ali, feed the obsession. Yeah, and I also just think, like, the tone around how we treat people has changed, too.

I mean, when I was starting out acting, there were so many conversations around my body. And, like, you need to bulk up. You need to look like this. You know, you can't, you need to come across more masculine. You know, you can't come across as queer in any way. Yeah. Those types of conversations just aren't really okay anymore. Yeah.

And so I think that there's like less pressure in those ways. Like I think individuality, self-expression, I think it's actually cooler to be weird now than it used to be. Before it was like you need to fit in some sort of box. Yeah. You know. And so I think that it's taken some pressure off. And it hasn't even been that long since that change has happened. Yeah.

You know? It's so true. I just had the previous episode. I just had two of my girlfriends and we were just had a girl chat. Yeah. Cute. episode and they're both in the beauty industry they're both like OG content creators beauty girls like have just been through and we were talking about beauty standards and how like now

I feel like it's finally coming around like there obviously will always be a beauty standards and there's always like super skinny is in right now and like whatever it is but I I was telling them that I feel lucky because I've like and now I feel like we're getting to this age where it's like okay to be different and like I'm not one that like wears like. I don't have like funky hair and like cool like aesthetic like funky style and stuff. Like I'm just like in sweatpants and look like Adam Sandler half the time. But I don't feel like. Wait, that's amazing.

Adam Sandler is the man. I know. Um, but I don't feel like it's, I don't want to look like the beauty standard. And I feel like we're finally getting like into that a little bit. Yeah. Which is like nice.

And people can. It's, it's cool to be different. I actually was listening to Amanda Seiford was doing an interview. recently for one of her projects and she was actually talking about Botox. And that is like the one thing I always get is Botox and I'm thinking about getting it. So we had to talk about that. You can do like a baby one and see how you like it.

Okay. But I was like I got it originally because I, when I first started doing content, I was like seeing how expressive my face was even when I like wasn't talking. Like when you were watching it back. Yeah. And I was like, oh, that's like there's a lot of movement going on there. Not because I was like, oh, there's wrinkles, but I was just like we got it like. ton this down a little bit. But in this interview, you're talking about, like, I don't get Botox because, like, it will

mess up my work. Like, I need to be expressive. And I want to, like, show my real skin. And just, like, the way she was talking about it, I really was like, it really just resonated with me. So I haven't gotten Botox again because, like, I'm going to say, you seem very expressive, but not, like, overly. Yeah.

I mean, I also barely get any because I still like to have some movement. Yeah, when your face can't move at all, like, I feel like that would be, like, panic inducing. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. No, I, when that interview came out, I was like, oh, I actually, like, do want some movement. Like, I miss, like, even though I don't have work done, I was like, I miss my natural face, like, how she was talking about. And I think more celebrities are kind of, like, keeping that natural look about them and talking about that. One thing I was thinking about doing it is for, like, um, jaw, like TMJ stuff because I get like tension headaches back here and into the jaw and like all the way down here. Yeah. But I heard you have to kind of get a lot of it.

And it can also like change the shape of your jaw, which I'm like, I don't want to look like sunken necessarily. No, yeah. Maybe try it here first. Traps. Yeah. Yeah. And see? But just if you go to someone that's like good.

Yeah. I'll get your person's number. No, but I hear you and I think that's great. I think, I mean, the cool thing about Botox, I guess, is that if it does fade and you can kind of see, do I like, what do I like better? Yeah. But yeah, I mean, the beauty standards will always be there. They've always, not always, but beauty is something that I really do think it's like subjective and it can be, it can like spread like wildfire, right?

Like trends and all of these things. And I just do think that going too overboard with like the filler and the Botox and stuff can literally like you could never, you can't go back from it at a certain point. Do you know what I mean? Like just I want people to be like careful, I think. But I'm also like, do you? Like if you actually feel happy doing what you're doing what you're doing. doing, do it.

Yeah. Check the intention in like you're like, I say as long as you're like coming from a healthy place. Yes. Like if like my girlfriends, if they want to go on like a GLP one, I'm like, if you're coming from a healthy place, do it. And when you need to stop, you need to stop. Yeah.

As long as you can do something healthy, I'm for it. Yeah. But like I want you to love yourself. Yeah. Like the goal is to love yourself matter what. Yeah. When talking about like beauty centers and stuff, obviously Taylor has talked a lot about body image and stuff struggling with that as a male and you kind of like touched on that how has your

journey with that been body image yeah yeah not not horrible i mean i have last year was like a turning point for me um where i really realized how i was treating myself and i had been for years for a lot of different reasons i feel like um like when i got on pll i was i was pretty confident in a lot of ways And then, of course, it was so validating to, like, have your dream come true and all of these things. And then I feel like at a certain point for me, like, maybe late 20s, is when I really came to terms with my sexuality. And I think that that opened up a lot of wounds that I hadn't really confronted yet. And I think it then started to spiral into my looks and where do I fit in in the queer community? And am I likable?

Am I lovable? and do I have sex appeal, like all of those things, you know? And so it did start this cycle that I didn't realize how bad it was getting until last year. I had a really hard year last year, like really, really quite dark. I'm not going to lie. And I've been like unearthing these layers of like what got me there. Yeah. And the way that I was treating myself was just horrific.

You know, and some of it, a lot of it did have to do with my body. Like it really, it really was, you know, like I would pinch fat every day and, you know, weigh myself all the time. And I, but it was this vicious cycle to where it was like I would work out, but then I would eat really badly because it felt like I needed something to like make me feel fulfilled. Or I don't know, like it was just, and when I say really badly, I'm not like eating McDonald's every day. But for me, I know that based off of the way I want to feel, the way that I want to look,

like I can't eat like, you know, lasagna every single day or like whatever, you know. Yeah. But it was just this vicious cycle and I was very, I was very hard of myself, really hard of myself. And it made me have more of a sort of like contemptuous relationship with other people in my life and like just the way that my life looked. That was not a happy person, you know. And I do think that the way that we view the world and other people literally is like a

mirror that starts with how we feel about ourselves. I love that. You know? And so my journey over the last few months and the rest of this year is like, I've said this a few times. It's like, I want to, I want to have like the deepest love affair with myself that I've ever had in my life. Yeah. Probably. Like I think when I was a small kid, I really, I liked myself. I had confidence. I knew what my abilities were, what my talents were, what my heart and soul were. And, you know, I'm not like, I'm not a perfect person. I'm not always chill. I'm not always calm and I'm leaning into the fact that I have variation.

Yeah. You know, I feel like so much of my life was about putting myself in different lanes and boxes. Yeah. And being consistent with them. And that was my like barometer of how well I'm doing. Yeah. And I'm just realizing that like I at least,

but I think most people, if not all people, are multifaceted. Yeah. You know? And I would avoid certain parts of my, myself because they were unlovable in my mind or harder to love or less acceptable or like when I behave that way what's the reaction I get from people.

Oop. Not so good. Yeah. Better censor that. And now I just want to be like all that really matters is how I feel about me. Yeah. And I trust my my instincts pretty well. I know that I'm a good person.

I know I'm not going to be perfect all the time. I'm not always going to do the right things or say the right things. But I know my intentions. and I don't want to be searching for outside validation. It's easier to have than done. Yeah. Right? But like 2026 for me, year of the horse, I'm sure you've heard about this.

Yeah. It's, it's, I want to go forward with vigor in so many areas of my life, but the one I want to go towards the most is like, like, celebrating me every day, you know? Sorry. I just feel like, but I'm like, but then I keep thinking like, if everyone felt fortified in doing that, like the world would be a happier place. It really would. Yeah. Because if we can't love ourselves, we can't love other people. Yeah.

Or if we feel unsafe, we can't, we can't allow other people to feel safe. You know what I mean? Yeah. So my, my biggest goal is to fall in love with myself, you know. That's so special. Of course, I want love. I want validation. I want to have opportunities.

but what I'm realizing is when I've started to really do that with myself, I am attracting the right things. Yeah, absolutely. You know, I really am attracting the right scenarios. Yeah, that's so true. And I bet too, like for someone that has like with your past of being in the public eye and having people put you in a box and telling you, you know, you're only going to be successful if you look or act this type of way,

like how deep that probably like festered in you. Yeah. Oh my God. I was, I had so much anxiety as a teenager and a kid and then also like in the beginning of my career. Yeah. So much anxiety. I would go into auditions.

I mean, I actually had to walk out of some auditions because I was so so in my head. Yeah. I was like on the verge of panic attacks because I would be looking around comparing myself to all these other guys. guys that looked older than me. They seemed straighter than me. They had better bodies than me. They were like probably most definitely going to get the roll over me.

What am I doing here? Yeah. I'm not, you know what I mean? The inner dialogue was so crazy. You know what I mean? I struggled with anxiety. Like as a teenage, I was bullied. Like, I'm sure that you understand this when I talk about going to high school in Santa

Clarita. Yes, I do. You know? Yeah. Which, listen, like, I'm not shitting on Santa Clarita totally. But as a queer, artistically minded, sensitive, emotional person, there's not a ton of room for that out there. You know, so I didn't really have a ton of friends. Yeah.

I didn't have, you know, too, I didn't have a safe space really out there. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so the narrative started then, for sure. You know, I went from being a kid who was doing theater and really like if you asked me to sing you a song, I would do it on the spot to literally eating lunch in my biology classroom alone with my biology teacher. Yeah. You know? Because I didn't feel like I had a safe space.

And then when I got out of high school and I started pursuing my, the life I wanted, I was carrying a lot of that with me, but trying to combat it at the same time. Yeah. And yeah, it was, I don't know. I mean, I'm glad I didn't find success even younger. It really would have been wild, I think. Yeah. But yeah, I think for me, what I've realized when I really look at my past is like when I step into my power for me is when I start to succeed. Like I did not start working as an actor until I stopped feeding into the pressure.

to party and do drugs and go crazy like that. I found success when I said, hey, you know what, I'm not going to be the quarterback. I'm not going to be that hot guy. I'm not going to bulk up and wear tight shirts. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to grow my hair out as long as I can. I'm going to wear tight jeans. I'm going to be like, I was really like, I had like leaned into like the 70s rocker vibe a bit. My hair was literally down to here. Oh, wow. It was incredible. I loved it. My reps were like, what are you doing? But I was getting so. I was getting so. close to so many projects that I don't think they wanted to drop me. Yeah. Because they could see like some, but I said, I will cut my hair if I get a job and they want me to. Otherwise, this is me.

And you walk into a space, like when you have boundaries, it's like this funny dichotomy because when you have boundaries, it's not that you're closing everything off. Yeah. You're, you're creating space for the right things to come in, I feel like. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like I feel like, I feel like boundaries to people feel like such a stop. Like, okay, I'm not going to do that. I can't go here. But it's not about that. It's about actually pushing those things away so that you can make room for the path

that's meant for you. Yeah. That's good. And so, yeah, I don't know. I feel like that's something I just keep coming back to. It might be a few years until I realize it again. But I think it's important, you know, to have your own integrity about who you are and have your boundaries, you know.

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Was there something that kind of triggered it? Or were you just like, I'm done feeling this way? It's a little bit of a layered story, to be honest. I feel like it had been years coming. After PLL, I did another show called Roswell. And during that show, prior to that show even, I had kind of opened up this Pandora's Box. about my love life, my sexuality. It caused problems in my family a bit.

It caused problems in my, the way I viewed myself. And then, and then like after a couple years, I started really kind of almost like manifesting physical problems. And so I started having health issues. I had like gut health issues that were crazy. I had like a year and a half of like crazy vertigo. Oh wow. You know, which I don't know if you've ever had that,

but that is wild. Yeah. And then it was like, then my, and then I found out my spine was broken. What? Yep. I don't know how. My lower spine was just broken. I had no disc between two of my vertebrae.

I had to have full spine surgery. And I just like was slowly crumbling. And then like as soon as that was, that surgery was done. Yeah. I was like, okay, I need to get back to work. Let me get an agent again. And like, I don't know. I just felt like.

it was like a lot of pushback right away from the business that I had been in for years. Then we have these strikes. I lose my agents. I was not auditioning. How am I going to work if I'm not auditioning? I was trying all these different avenues. Nothing was happening. My love life was tumultuous.

I felt really alone. I spent a lot of time alone. I was really cruel to myself. And I just reached this point where I realized like, And to be honest, I look at it almost now, like me as a spiritual being was trying to, like, wake me up. But it manifested initially as like severe anxiety again. Yeah. I became an insomniac.

I was sleeping like one hour a night, literally, if I was lucky. Yeah. And then you had lack of sleep onto it. Yeah. And it got really wild. And I realized that, you know, I wasn't making the kind of money. I had been making and if I don't have the money and the nice things and the success, what do I have?

Yeah. Who am I'm nothing? Like the narrative was like, I'm nothing. Yeah. If I don't have those things, I'm nothing. I'm already nothing. But, you know, I've lost my my mojo. I've lost my whatever, you know.

And it caused a true spiral, true, true, true spiral. And the anxiety was wild. And I had to ask for help, which I didn't love doing. Because I was like very much someone who from a really quite a young age felt a lot of emotional responsibility for myself. I didn't really get a lot of true feelings of understanding or support from people in my life. Yeah. And so I had to figure out how to do that for myself. And then, you know, that becomes sort of how you walk through life.

and you start to become so almost closed off to other people that you don't, I don't need help. Yeah. And like I've talked to friends who have in retrospect said like, you just never seem like you need it. Like you always have it together. Yeah. And I'm like, that's because I try to make it seem that way. Yeah. You know what I mean?

So last year I had to ask for help from my family and friends in a way that I was not prior comfortable with. and hold on shit. I cry all the time. She knows. She's smiling because she just knows I cry all the time. I just don't think I don't think I could have gotten through that time without my family, my friends.

Because it was like a very scary place to be. And I felt like people showed up for me in a really immediate way and a really magical way. And now it's just made me go, like, I want to do that for people in my life too. But not even my, just my life. Like, I want to, it's changed my perspective, too, on how I want to exist in the world as far as the way I view humans. Yeah. Because I feel like I, for many reasons, have had walls up for a long time where I started to,

to vilify people, like, gosh, people are so annoying. People. I can't figure people out. And I just started to, like, have a lot more empathy, I think. When you hit, like, a rock bottom of sorts, you can kind of, like, you can become a little bit more empathetic towards just, like, the human experience, you know? Yeah. And I really have low tolerance for, like, actual bullshit and actual evil.

Yeah. But I have a lot more understanding of just sort of like how everyone's navigating life and everyone's just trying. I'm still allowed to have my boundaries and demand respect. Just because you're going through something doesn't mean you're allowed to disrespect me. Yeah. But I can also look at you. I can implement my boundary still coming from a place of love. I see you.

I see what you're dealing with. You can't treat me like that. Yeah. But I see you. So do you want the conversation to become about how we can actually change this and grow? Because I'm here for that. You know what I mean? For sure.

Anyway. I love that. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. You're welcome. I'm proud of you. And I love that you said like just how it's changed like your perspective on how you want to be there for your family and friends and people.

Like that's like the whole reason I like started this podcast is to like have these conversations because like, people like you had before, like people never hear these stories of so many people are probably in that same position you were in before you asked for help and not feeling like maybe like they can ask for help or even how to or that they don't need to. Right. And just you deciding to like open up and share this is like huge. Yeah. So I'm just so thankful for you. Honestly, it's like, you know, my new social media management team is so incredible. And they were like, you got to do podcast and I was like oh my gosh I'm so nervous to do that you know

like that just feels so raw um but I'm also leaning into this idea of like dismantling the things that I felt limited by which were those like internal thoughts yeah of like why what am afraid of though yeah you know look at it you're like it's not like when after you speak it I feel like it just like minimizes it speaking it I think the reason that it feels better is because it's the opposite of pushing it down. Yeah. You're like bringing it out. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And then to be fortunate enough to have someone or people in your life that you can sit and discuss it with who have the patience and the love for you to help you, even if it takes 20 minutes to process it, that's going to help so much, you know? Intimacy has so many levels. And I think that feeling safe enough to communicate is a huge sign that you are in an intimate relationship of some kind. Yeah.

You know, and you can be, you can have an intimate relationship with your friends. Yeah. It's not just the person you go to bed with. You know what I mean? Yeah. So. I always say that intimacy and friendship. That's like my, that's my favorite form.

Yes. And I think for me, like intimacy comes when you feel safe. Yeah. You know, and when you feel seen. And I really, like, that's what I want, you know. And I think that we all have the capacity to, to have that. and then also allow other people to have that, you know? Which, again, is why I think in some ways, like, L.A. can feel so intense

because I do feel like everyone's trying to do or be something. Yeah. And everyone feels a little bit, like, fearful, you know, or, like, unfulfilled or whatever. And therefore, it's hard for them to feel safe, which makes it hard for them to make other people feel safe. Yeah. So there's this, like, weird little game going on. You know what I mean? No, it's so true.

Yeah. I want to know going into this year of self-love and your love affair with yourself. I want to know what looking back between now how you feel and maybe 10 years ago, what does self-worth mean to you now versus 10 years ago? 10 years ago. Okay. Actually, 10 years ago was like kind of the beginning of like a darker time in my life where I put a lot of stock in.

how other people were responding to me and the kind of the kind of treatment I was getting from other people like that that was kind of my that was how I determined how I or like what I deserved or if I was doing something right or something was wrong with me or whatever

so I feel that now I just think that my relationship with myself has to be the most important thing because I, again, I'm not perfect. I'm not going to always do or say the right things. I have definitely done and said things I regret. But I'm very good at taking responsibility for those things. I'm not going to sit there and say, well, you made me do that. I'm like, no one makes you do anything.

Yeah. I'm sorry. No one makes you do anything. You choose to respond in a certain way. Yeah. Even if it's just like an immediate reaction to then come back and take responsibility for it. That's then your responsibility, you know, and I think that that's important.

So I think when I do that, among many other things, I sleep better at night because that's my integrity. And so I think, yeah, I think self-worth has to do with that internal journey with yourself and how you are outside world as a whole. So that's like what you do with your time, how you treat people, what you do. what do you do with people like that is reflecting the person you are and what you want you know I don't want to be someone who changes who I am for other people yeah I don't want to be someone who um does does does does does a lot that I regret you know and it goes the other way around too right where I want to do everything that I feel like I really want to do that's in me like we have this life you know I I happen to believe in reinclair

So I'm kind of like I'm going to probably carry, you know, carmically through other lifetimes. But this life right now is being lived. And I want to have my ideas of who I am and what I want my life to look like to be realized as much as possible this life, you know. And trying and striving towards those things and feeling like you're a good person, I think is what increasingly. increases confidence and self-worth.

So I think that's my thing now, is it's like, I mean, literally being here, I never would have done a podcast before because I was like, oh, I'm going to be so nervous because I, but I wasn't comfortable about being open about my actual feelings and thoughts all the time. You know what I mean? For sure.

And so this is just like one little step in that journey of, like, I'm going to leave here and I'm going to go, and this might seem silly, But I've started to implement rituals like looking in the mirror in my own eyes, in my eyeballs. And positive affirmations. Sometimes I go like, you know, I love you, Tyler. Or I might be like, I love me. You know, it depends on how I'm feeling.

But before in my life, I probably would have left something like this and spiraled about, was I sitting properly? Was I speaking properly? Did I come across as stupid? Did I sound gay? Like so many things would run through my mind. mind. Now it's like I don't let those things in. I'm when I look in the mirror and I just am like, I'm so proud of you. Like you just did something you're afraid of. Yeah. Or you were

afraid of. You know, and I don't, I don't want to have, I don't want to let fear take me out ever again. Yeah. Anxiety is fear of something. Yeah. Fear of like lack of control or something. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I don't want to ever let fear take me out. I don't. I mean, what, because like, what's really happening in the moment? Yeah. What, like, what are we afraid of? It's not like, we aren't running from a dinosaur or something. You know what I mean?

It's like, we're sitting across. Like, what's scary? Yeah. No, it's so. Being seen? Great. Yeah. That means you need to force yourself to be seen even more.

Yeah. You know what I mean? I saw this thing on Instagram that was like, it was reframing the idea of like when you're afraid of something and your heart starts beating. What if it's like your inner applause? Oh. where it's like, go for it. Like we're cheering you on.

Oh. Do you know what I mean by that? Like, the idea of like, this is intense. I don't know if I should do it. That's like your inner applause. Like go, go, go, go, go. Obviously, listen, there's a, there's like a time and place. Like, you know what I mean?

Like, obviously if your heart is racing because you're actually afraid of something. Yeah. Like, I don't know. Maybe you're about to get by a car. Get out of the way. Yeah. You know what I mean? But like in life on a day to day.

or you're going into like an interview. Like, yeah. Do it. And I think for me, the other thing, too, is perfectionism was always so important to me. And now I'm just like, we're messy. We are messy. Like, show up tired. Like right now, I am so sore from, I started working out again.

I'm so sore. I literally have a headache today. And I, this morning was like, I can't believe this is how I feel going into this experience. And I was like, I don't, I don't care. Like, why free? It's not going to change. Yeah. I can just decide I'm going to be good no matter what I love that do you know what I mean I'm still here yeah

I don't have to be perfect yeah but I think again too like wanting to make it in the entertainment business from a young age you know and like meeting with like you know PR teams and here's what you should say here's how I was just I'm just like yeah I know it's like it's kind of like not like a die to self because it's not self but it's like died to whatever this old version of you because Taylor has told me so many times like things I mean I've seen it even firsthand of like when he would do press and interviews he would be so nervous every time for everything you said was he sitting right did he say the right thing like every like that was just something that was always in his head and it's been so cool like he did a couple maybe it was last year

the year before he did Fallon and it was the most relaxed comfortable it was literally his best interview he's ever done it. He was just relaxed. He had fun. And it's because he's like just released all of that. And he's like loves himself and he's just like in the state of like, so I just hearing everything you said made me so happy because I've got to see that. I wish he was here too because like we would have so many things to like relate to probably. You know? Yeah. I hope to hang out with with you guys again at some point. Oh my gosh, please. I would love that. Last question I have for you is what he most proud of yourself for? Where's the tissues?

Lexi Don't laugh It's actually What I was getting emotional about for a second It was like It was almost like I don't know how to just choose one Which I think is a very

It's a very polarizing narrative To how I used to feel So it's a little overwhelming Because I really I like me You know I kind of like that I'm weird sometimes. I like that I'm not perfect all the time.

I like that I can have, like I will literally cry at a commercial. Yeah. But then if like you mess with me, like I'm going, like you're going to see some talents. Yeah. Like, but I kind of like that too. Yeah. I like that I can say I'm sorry. I like that I can take responsibility for things.

I like that I don't know. I mean, I think at the end of the day though, like, and this is probably just because I'm on this like self-love journey. I think that my resilience is what I'm most proud of. I think that I've had to kind of deal with a lot throughout my life, more so emotionally and mentally. Yeah. I did not have like a terrible childhood,

but I dealt with stuff that I wouldn't want my child to deal with and I wouldn't want to do with again, you know, whether it was like within my family dynamics or my peers. Yeah. There were some really intense, dark things. and then to push through and say I have a dream and I'm going to make my dream come true and become an actor, that took resilience because I would walk through those audition doors

with the narrative of, you're not good enough, you're this, you're that. And I would say, I'm doing it anyway. You know what I mean? Then to ride that wave and stay close to who I am naturally and then find it again now. Like it's just I really feel like, I forget like the actual saying, but like kind of the concept of like your character is defined like by how you get back up. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And I think that I think it's this world is designed to challenge us. And I just think some people really succumb quickly, which is unfortunate because I bet you anything those people even have extreme amounts of power that they are untapped. but I just like don't want to give up you know and for me more so now than ever it's like I I want to be happy I don't care actually if I ever work again as an actor if I'm happy I don't care if I make a lot of money ever again if I'm happy I don't care if I ever find a partner as long as I'm happy you know do I think all of those things can add value to your life and give you tools that make you feel supported and excited, yes, but like, I really do think that happiness comes from

within us. So if we're looking for any sort of outside source of happiness, it's going to be a little bit tricky, you know? Yeah. That was a very long-winded answer. But no, in a nutshell, I think just I am proud of my resilience and fighting for me being me, I think, you know, truly. I love that. So thanks for. Thanks for This was so great. Thank you so much. I know, I love it. It feels so nice. Like I can just go about my day now. So casual. Yeah. I know. I know. I love it so much. I appreciate you. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.