The Squeeze - Whitney Leavitt: A MomTok Exclusive

Episode Date: September 25, 2024

This week’s guest has taken social media by storm and has been the topic of conversation across the country…for the very first time, Whitney Leavitt, MomTok star and “villain” of Hulu's The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, is sharing her story. To begin, Whitney opens up about what life has looked like since the show has aired and tells us how it felt to become the "villain" within the storyline. Whitney reflects on various moments throughout the show, such as the fruity pebbles incident with Demi and her reasoning for not attending Mayci’s event, and explains which actions she regrets and takes accountability for. She gives us a candid look into her relationships with the other girls on the show, explains what led her to leave the MomTok group chat, and opens up about the real reason why she took a step back from her friendships. Whitney also dives into her past marital struggles with her husband, Connor, and explains what it took to work through their challenges and rebuild trust in their relationship. She tells us about the Mormon community’s response to the show and gives us a peek into Mormonism and their stance on coffee, alcohol, partying, and more. Finally, Whitney discusses her viral RSV video, her potential return for a Season 2, and whether she plans to stay part of MomTok.Be sure to find Whitney on Instagram https://instagram.com/whitleavitt/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@whitneyleavittWatch The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives: https://www.hulu.com/series/the-secret-lives-of-mormon-wives-58cd73be-408d-4eed-8e3d-82339f3f93e2To email us your questions or share your story, you can reach out to [e-mail] sure to rate, review, and follow the podcast so you don't miss an episode! Plus, follow us on Instagram:The Squeeze:  https://instagram.com/thesqueeze/Tay Lautner: https://instagram.com/taylautner/Taylor Lautner: https://instagram.com/taylorlautner/& TikTok:  https://tiktok.com/@thesqueezepodcastTo learn more from The Lemons Foundation, follow  https://instagram.com/lemonsbytay/ and visit lemonsbytay.comEpisode Sponsors:Use code SQUEEZE at checkout for 15% off your entire order at www.vionicshoes.comwhen you log into your account. 1 time use only.Get your free LMNT Sample Pack with any purchase at drinklmnt.com/SQUEEZE. Also, try the new LMNT Sparkling - a bold, 16-ounce can of sparkling electrolyte water.Tonal is offering our listeners $200 off your Tonal purchase with promo code Squeeze at Tonal.comZitSticka is offering listeners 15% off the custom JONBOY UNDERCOVER patches on Amazon or zitsticka.com with code JONBOY2024 while supplies last.Head to JLOBEAUTY.com/SQUEEZE for FOUR FREE Masks and FREE shipping today.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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would auto-hueers without your re-sadviseur or Sunnycars. The following podcast is a dear media production. And I think it's obviously still hard to talk about. We were initially talking to your team about this.

My gut reaction was to say no. The integrity of our podcast, and it is a mental health podcast. We don't like doing things for a headline for clickbait. But at the same time, everyone deserves a chance to say their side in a safe space. After watching it, do you say I have any regrets? Oh, man. Macy and I have talked. You talked about that this morning.

Yes. I hated that I had made that hurt worse. What made you move your... yourself from the group chat. Why you think the public has that opinion? I willingly did that, which I wish I did it. That is something that you wish you could take back. Absolutely. I feel a need to have control. Um, do you see how it could have come across and sensitive to some people? Have you had this conversation with her? I haven't. Do you have any desire to? Um, when life gives you lemons, what do you do with them? Over here at the squeeze, we talk about it. Whitney, welcome to the squeeze.

having me. Seriously, thank you. We're excited to talk to you today. Um, you know, this, this type of an interview is not one that we necessarily do. Um, you know, when, um, we, we were initially talking to your team about this. My gut reaction was to say no. Yeah. Um, just because of, you know, the integrity of our podcast and, you know, it's, you know, it's, you know, It is a mental health podcast and we don't like doing things for, you know, for a headline, for clickbait. Yeah. But at the same time, you know, everyone deserves a chance to say their side in a safe space. And we wanted to give you that opportunity here.

I really appreciate you that. Yeah, of course. I mean, at the end of the day, like, yeah, we're not a tabloidy podcast. But mental health is for everyone. So, I mean, this is your, it's your real life. Yeah. This is like, you know, that's the hard part sometimes about television and especially, like, reality shows, I feel like is people being able to separate. It's almost like they disassociate the person that they're.

the viewer is disassociating themselves with what they're seeing on the screen. Yeah. But it's like, well, wait a second. This is like actually real life. These are things that really happened. And I think if you were to like kind of how we are now to actually sit with that person, you would have had a completely different reaction with them sharing their vulnerable personal story. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's true. And we know that you, you haven't done like a lot. No, yeah. Of press. And what made you like want to come here with us today? So from the beginning, I was doing press.

But what happens is the person that's interviewing you has seen the show. But I hadn't. And so as I'm getting interviewed, I'm getting asked certain questions. And I'm like, I just felt a little thrown off. Interesting. I'm like, what an interesting question to ask me? Like, why are you asking me that question? Like so many questions I'd get asked, like how I'd feel about Taylor.

And I'm like, I have no issues with Taylor. I think she's amazing. I think she's a great girl. And then you could tell they would like, or like, because they've seen the show. Yeah. So I just set a little boundary saying, you know what?

I don't want to do any more press until I've actually seen the show. And then I saw the show. And I needed a little bit of time before I wanted to talk about the show. Yeah. It was hard to watch. Yeah. Yeah. Um, sitting here now, like, are you, are you ready to like talk about it? Do you feel like enough time has gone by?

Yeah. I, I feel ready. I feel in a healthy place to share my truth and, um, share my side. I'm really excited. Awesome. Um, since the, how long ago did the show come out? Wow. It was last, oh, wait, today's Wednesday. So it wasn't last Friday. It was the Friday, two weeks. Okay. Two weeks. Wow. Okay. So it's almost like I needed that week to just like... In the last two weeks since the show aired, what has life looked like for you? The first week was very dark. It may not have looked like that on social media, but it was very dark. Very dark place. I had received mass as amount of hate before in the past with Liam being in the hospital. And so I feel like I've been able to deal with that better, but it was more so from my other friends.

It was that hate that was probably the hardest to see and to hear. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, I guess now, you know, watching the show back. Oh, have you watched the show? I've only watched it once. My husband hasn't even watched it.

He, like, no, I'm not even going to watch it. I think because he saw what it did to me. He's like, I think, you know, healthy boundary. I'm not going to watch it. But of course, I told him everything that happened in the show. So it's almost like he did watch it. Yeah, I've only seen it once. Was, I guess, was it shocking to you that you were like the villain of the season? Or were you kind of hearing things and you were like somewhat? expecting it. I was expecting it from the press that I was doing. I was like, okay, I'm, I must be the bad guy or something. That ticked you off to it. Yeah. Yeah. And again, I felt like I couldn't answer these questions properly because I'm like, I haven't seen it yet. I need to watch it first. Yeah. Yeah. How long, because I know like, I know the first episode was filmed and then time went by and then like the rest of the season was filmed.

What was that like time span? So actually, I know it's so funny because everyone's like, gosh, when you change your hair so much, I'm like, yeah, I do, but don't forget that we filmed the pilot and then about two years later, then we filmed the season. Wow. So it's a mixture of the pilot and the season just in the first episode. Yeah.

Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. So everyone's like, look what you're changing your hair. I'm like, well, yeah. I will say to change my hair a lot. I went through a little spaghetti. skip, skip, oh my gosh, help me say this word.

Spagatic. Oh my gosh. Sabatical. Holy hell. Sabatical. Changing my hair. I just was having fun because I'd never like ventured out in different colors. And then I went to take it a little too far.

You were feeling it. Yeah. From episodes two to eight, then what was that? How long of a span was it? That was all congruent in the timeline. Okay. We had filmed for about three to four months. Okay.

You're filming every day. They're just getting, you know, because so much of it isn't even shown in this season that you do film, they do take a lot out. But yeah, you're filming every day. It can get very overwhelming and very exhausting to a point where you almost forget that you're even being filmed. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I've always wondered that with, like, reality.

Yeah. If, if, because yeah, I mean, I guess, yeah, I was going to ask, like, is it really, like, I would imagine, like, you got cameras in your face. Yeah. And like, it's hard to have, like, real conversations when that, you know, there's lights and and crew and, like, how does that feel on set? In the beginning, for sure, I was, like, more aware of it. But then you're just so busy and you're having so many different conversations every single day that, yeah, you just forget. And they keep their distance.

They're really good at that. Okay. Because they want you to feel comfortable to be yourself and talk about real issues with your friends. Yeah. Or spouses. Yeah. after watching it back finally. Yeah.

Do you watch it and say, I have any regrets? Unfortunately, so much happened during that season that put me in a dark place, that that's what made it hard to watch too. Because, of course, there were decisions that I made during that show that nobody asked me to do. Like, I willingly did that. But there was no context behind why I had made certain decisions. But again, that's the game, I guess. I don't know.

But I would say the biggest thing, I don't know, there's so much. Should we go from the very first episode? Sure. I don't even know. Starting from the very first episode, the very first scene, at least that I'm in, that's actually from the pilot. And the video that we're talking about is not the video of the scandal. It's a completely different video that I got, that Michaela and I got upset about because Taylor and Macy had made a video. Or Taylor mainly did, so many Taylors.

Taylor did and Macy was in it insinuating that Macy was the only one there for her during this Swinger scandal. So that upset me and Michaela because we did vouch for her and we got hate because of it. And it wasn't even that big of a deal. It really wasn't. But that was the video. But it makes it seem like I'm upset about this whole Swinger scandal. So when I'm doing this press and they're asking me about it, I'm like, oh, yeah, like not a big deal. you know, I

Maybe if I was involved I would have thought differently But whatever like it gave eyes to my page Like I just So then when they're When I'm saying that They're responding to me like this is so confusing Yeah that's not the video

That I was upset about I think that she's grown so much from it And I'm happy for her Yeah Didn't judge her for it Yeah Yeah Yeah

Is there anything else from any other? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this is, you know, you have, you have the mic if you want to. Oh, man. Yeah. It was funny. After I had watched the whole season, I almost like had like my own therapy session.

I had to like write out my whole truth because I thought I was going crazy. but another thing that happened was it's actually kind of funny or at least I try and laugh about it, but the fruity pebbles incident. I never thought in a million years I'd be putting those words together, but the fruity pebbles incident, I had called to me ahead of time asking if it was okay because I knew that that was a sensitive and very private sexual endoendo between their relationship. I didn't want to cross a boundary. So I called her and I asked her and they thought it was funny,

her and her husband. So the reason I'm upset in that episode is because she reacted in a way that she was offended. So I had felt sabotaged. I was getting in my head like, oh my gosh, like, was this a decision you made to make me look bad on purpose? So that's why you see that reaction. It wasn't because she was upset. Oh my gosh, no.

If I had given someone a gift and they were genuinely upset about it, I would feel not only embarrassed but so horrible that I had done that. But that's why I was upset in that episode in the Furty Pupples incident. Yeah. So what do you think happened? Like if you had that conversation with her and she seemed fine with it, then do you know? know what changed and...

I don't know. And I think unfortunately, I had built a little bit of resentment from such a silly little thing from that moment because a mistake that I did make and I still wish I didn't do that was bringing up when I told

Jen that Demi had called her two Mormony and also that Demi had called Taylor White Trash. I willingly did that. which I wish I didn't. So that is something that you wish you could take back.

Absolutely. Yeah. I wasn't even there when Demi had said that about Taylor. And I wasn't even the one who initially told Taylor. But I had found out and I brought it onto the show. And I wish I didn't do that because then it just got worse from there. You know? It is just interesting.

like caring, like, you know, I don't know any of you ladies, you like, you all seem lovely. And it just seems like, you know, at the end of the day, I think people need to remember, like, it is a, it is a reality show. That's exactly right. Yeah. And like, you know, there, you know, you do do things for the plot. And you do like, you know, like you said, producers will have you do something and you don't really, like, know the full context of what's going on.

Well, and I will also say, though, like, they can't make you do anything, you know? At the end of the day, you have your free agency. You're going to make certain decisions. Yeah. And every decision I made, whether I felt like it was expected of me, I still made it. Yeah. Yeah. What is your relationship like with the girls?

So I'm great with Macy and Taylor. I have no ill feelings towards any of the other women. I think they're great. I think that all of them have such wonderful stories. I genuinely feel that way. And I'm excited for more seasons to go on because there was a lot of personal stories from individual women that were cut out from the show that are very strong. And I know a lot of other people can relate to. So, yeah, I have no ill feelings towards them.

And I wish them the best. But I definitely am the closest with Taylor and Macy right now. Yeah. Yeah. When's the last time, like, you talked with the group or maybe just like the girls? It was right before the show was released. We went out to L.A. For, it wasn't a premiere, but it was like a premiere party where like influencers came.

We were all wearing red. I don't know if you've seen any pictures of us all in red. A watch party. Yeah. Well, we actually didn't even watch it. Oh. But it was just like, yeah, we didn't even watch it, but we just celebrated it. Okay.

And then the show came out a couple days later is the last time I had like really hung out with all of them. Yeah. I'm a shoe girl. I love shoe shopping. It's honestly my guilty pleasure and it's something that I really need to work on. But I'm going to be vulnerable with you guys here and let you in on a little secret that I feel like I've found my favorite walking shoe. Which may sound like, yeah, whatever, Tay. But finding a shoe that is comfortable to walk.

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And right now, Tonal is offering our listeners $200 off your tonal purchase with promo code squeeze. That's tonal.com and use promo code squeeze. for $200 off your purchase. That's tonal.com promo code squeeze for $200 off. I want to like talk about some things that I feel like people have observed and honestly questions that we have and people that we have talked to. And I know a lot of people on the internet like have.

It's been interesting to know, obviously, you know, I've watched interviews that the girls have done. Yeah. Watch the show. And I feel like a consensus that they have is like that you feel a need to have control over everything, which I think, you know, could be something that someone struggles with and that's fine. But do you feel like there is truth to that? Yeah, I do definitely feel like it makes me feel safe when I feel like I can control something, which is also something that I'm working on because you can't control everything. You can't control what somebody, I mean, when we're living it right now, I can't control what the other women are going to say about me or, you know, the, the hurtful videos that they're going to make about me. I can't control that. And so I feel like what I have learned from that is focusing on what just I can control rather than controlling a whole scenario or situation or whatever. Because yeah, everyone has their own free agency. Yeah. I want to talk about the, you know, removing yourself from, you know, from the group.

chat from certain situations and expecting, you know, the other girls to, like, check in on you. Yeah. I had no expectations. There was a scene when we're in Park City when Taylor and I are conversing and it's, you know, becoming a level-headed conversation and Digny comes up. And I know I express, like, I don't feel like you were there for me during the time of when Connor and I were going through our issues. Because Taylor, was kind of going through through it as well at the same time. But I had no expectation. I was just making it. I was just making it aware. And yeah, like this sucked. Like, yeah. I did need more support at that time. But I feel like it was so like, is brought into the white word. I don't know. Like that I'm always expecting this attention from separating myself. No. And I didn't even separate myself until after that, until after I had communicated that. So that had nothing to do.

Yeah. If that makes sense. Yeah. What made you remove yourself from the group chat? So there were scenes that were taken out, more scenes of us being together in a group. But what had set me probably in the darkest place was, when, okay, I'm not going to cry. Okay, so we were in Park City and we had this truth box.

And in that moment, that's when Demi felt attacked. I know she felt that way. I could see it. And I hated that I had even put stuff in that room for that to come about. and then after that because that was me telling bringing the white trash thing on the show and also

the two Mormon to Jen but after that when Taylor and I had gone up Demi had shared a very personal and very vulnerable story of mine that I had no idea she had shared until that evening

because that scene where I have like toilet paper on my heel and we're all at that dinner. I like couldn't compose myself because right before that, Macy had asked me if it was true. And I just couldn't believe that I'm a human being. Like I just couldn't believe that regardless of you telling the other women that you had brought that on a national television show. And I think it's obviously still hard to go well. But I think if Demi knew how dark that moment was, me being under that treatment and how hard that was for me and vulnerable that was for me, I don't think she would have shared it. I really don't.

But I also know she was angry with me because of me telling Jen about the two more money and, yeah, the white trash thing. But after that, it just put me in a really dark place. And after that moment, that's when I started slowly separating myself. There were more things that happened after that until it was like, okay, like, I fully need to separate myself. Like, I'm just not an unhealthy place. But that was the first thing where I was like, man, like, I don't know if I can do this. Like, that was such a vulnerable and personal thing. in my life that I felt like was taken away from me.

But again, I really do believe that if she knew how dark that place was, I don't think she would have shared it. Do you have you had this conversation with her? I haven't. Do you have any desire to? I mean, maybe in the future, I just, and I know it was months. ago, but there was a scene that was filmed between Demi and I, where I had apologized for saying those things. It wasn't in the show, but I really, genuinely, I really did feel bad.

About the white trash and, yeah, and the two more many thing, yeah. You apologized to her for that? Yeah, we sat down together. We got together for lunch. And, um, was it filmed? It was. It just wasn't in the cut. It just wasn't in the cut. Yeah. And we had talked about it. And I felt bad because she was also going through a really hard time with her mom. Her mom's cancer came back.

And she had just found out the news that night right after, you know, all of this came up, like, after she was blindsided. So I felt bad. And I genuinely think you just, you never know what someone's going through. Like, you just never know. for sure and there's a reason why we do certain things there's a reason why we say certain things or act on certain things and I hated that I had made that hurt worse yeah yeah um is is mom talk still a thing can mom talk survive this I loved that so much um yeah I think it will forever be a thing think it's not even, it's not just an us thing. I know that there are other moms that get together

and they call it mom talk and they'll create content in different states and I love it. I think it will forever be a thing. But would you still want to be involved in mom talk? Like with that group of women. I think that so many conversations would need to be had, wouldn't, would need to be had because I just feel like there's been this huge miscommunication and everybody thinks we're like out to get each other or something. I don't know. And I hate that because again, like care for these women only want the best for them. And I think just it's so hard. We're human beings.

It's so hard not to get in your head and overthrithing things. I mean, I did that while we were filming. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. I want to talk a little bit about Macy because I feel this like, I feel a connection with her. Yeah.

I don't know her, but I feel like I just relate to her a lot. I'm always our like running joke between the two of us is I'm always like the devil's advocate. I'm always like being like, well, maybe this person is like having this or whatever. And I see that, you know, on the show. show, Macy, you know, doing that for you and, you know, even still today with, like, you know, doing interviews and things and, you know, standing up for you and, you know, giving, like, you know, maybe. Yeah.

Do you regret not going to her event and maybe just, like, in hindsight, like, do you wish you would have gone, like, what, what is, like, some context there? So a few days prior to her event, I'd sent her a message, which I really wish I didn't put on the internet, but I did. I went into defense mode during that first week. But I texted her a few days prior and just expressing like I just, I hate that this is the situation, but I'm not in a place to like be around these women. just because every time I had been around them, I just felt like attacked every time. Again, like everyone's going to have their own perspective, but that's just how I felt in those moments. And I just wasn't in a place to go and do that again.

And it just sucks. It just sucks that I wasn't in a place. And so I feel like I can't regret that because that was the situation I was in. I can't go back and be like, oh, like, well, of course if I was in a better place, of course, I would have shown up. Yeah. And it just sucked. But regardless of me not showing up to her, like, to her event, like, I love her. I'll support baby mama till the day that I die or those gummies are freaking amazing.

Go check them out. I love them. And she's worked so hard on that. And I'm so proud of her. And I hate the situation. And that's all I can think of is like, yeah, like the situation just sucked. Yeah, yeah. When you told her that, did she seem receptive towards that and understanding?

She didn't respond. Okay. And, you know, that could have been a boundary for her. And I wanted to respect that space. And I know that she wishes that I had reached out the day of. But it was almost like I just wanted to completely separate myself from all of it. And I hate that. But I genuinely was rooting for her.

Yeah. And I was there in spirit. And I'm still rooting for her because, again, she's done so much work in it. And it's a great business. Yeah. I was going to ask when I saw you post your guys' messages, I was like, oh. I know. Yeah.

What do you obviously like regret doing that? Again, it's like, do you regret? what's your feeling behind that? I know a lot of the women would say this too. I can be very irrational. Or, yeah, I can make a decision, maybe a little too fast. Like, I need to sit. That's why I'm grateful I, like, took this time to, like, before coming on,

because I didn't want to overshare, you know? Yeah. I didn't want my emotions to overthrow what was going on. And that's what that was. My emotions took over. And I never meant it as a jab at Macy. I fully meant it as everybody thinks I'm just like this horrible friend. Yeah.

I like wanted to clear my name. And clearly that wasn't the way to go about it. Yeah. Because that just made things worse. Yeah. After that, like what was, what was, what has your conversation been? Like, after you doing that? Macy and I have talked since then.

And it's funny, we actually talked to. this morning. And it was emotional and loving. We were on the phone for like about an hour and a half and miscommunication because she really felt like I was taking a jab for her and that was never my intention. You talked about that this morning. Yes, this morning. And only because I had seen her in these videos that weren't putting me in the best light. So I was confused. I had no idea that she was upset about that video. And anyways, we had talked about it. And yeah, it's just so crazy how, I mean, I just learned this time and time again. You just like, got to freaking have the conversation. If you care about the relationship, sit down, have the

conversation because their perspective can be completely different from yours. And that's exactly what happened. Yeah. Where do you think, did you feel good after the conversation? Oh, 1,000 percent. I'm so grateful that we did. You think on both sides. Oh yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Um, and her and Taylor have been there for me, like, through all of this. And I'm, I'm very grateful for that. Yeah. It's so interesting that, like, hearing that Taylor has been there for you because I think the public thinks that that's, like, I know, truly the opposite. I know. She'll, like, comment on my stuff and people are like, what are you doing here? But, um, yeah, she, like, sent me a sweet message just saying, like, hey, like, thank you so much for being there for me during my hard time. I really want to be there for you.

And it really meant a lot to me because it can, in those moments, it can be very, very lonely. Yeah. Is it possible to totally fine if it's not? Is it possible to pinpoint why you think the, the public has that opinion of you and Taylor? yet you're sitting here, you know, talking about this great mutual respect that you guys have for each other. Yeah. Because when we were having that conversation in Park City, it was very level-headed. And we were like, you know, coming to a conclusion, we were both seeing each other's sides. I don't know. I really don't.

I wish I had the answer to that. I think that it just started from the very beginning of the season where it made it seem like I'm judging this person off this video when that wasn't the video. at all. I, if anything, I'm like, she's gone through so much and look at where she's come. Like, she's come out great on the other end. Like, I'm so happy for her. I'm so proud of her. Yeah. So when, yeah, again, when press would ask me that and I'd answer it, they would just be so confused. And I'm like, can we like, I'm confused. Like, of course I had, I did have ill feelings towards Taylor because I did need a friend during those moments between when Connor and I were going through those issues. But what I needed to remember is like, well, wait a second.

And she says this on the show. Like, she was also going through her stuff. And, you know, we both weren't okay and that's okay. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of that, can we talk about Connor? Yes. Okay. Please. Love that man. Can you just clear the air for us? Yes. And, you know, what happened? Yes. That was another thing. There were, um, there were a lot of very powerful moments between Connor and I that weren't in the season, which is okay. I'm not the editor. But there's this moment where we were filming the pilot and the showrunner asked us a specific question. He asked us about Hawaii when we left for Hawaii. And it wasn't, you know, this conversation of us bringing this onto the show wasn't some preconceived conversation that Connor and I had had. It was the show owner asked that question and Connor just looked at me and just shared everything. And it was like so emotional and so vulnerable and like so incredibly powerful. And I'm so proud of him for that because that needed to be a decision from him, not from me.

I felt like. I mean, I know it's my story, but I don't know. I just felt like it needed to come from him. But yeah, I don't even know how much to get into it because we went in so much detail that you don't see on the show. but he had had a porn addiction for a really long time. And that was something obviously really hard to overcome, something that I didn't even know what was going on. And what's been my favorite thing,

and I obviously don't wish this on relationships or marriages, but when you go through something that tough and you come out the other end, man, your relationship is stronger than never. It's like it's during it sucks. That's for sure. But holy hell, I'm so grateful for like where we are now. Yeah. Yeah. How how was that time of, you know, of you guys like trying to like build that like trust back. How was that for you? It was a lot of time and it was a lot of work. I know in this season it makes it seem recent, but it wasn't. It was about three years ago. when I had initially found out.

And again, the pilot was, oh, I'm sorry, it was about two and a half years ago because then the pilot was filmed. And so it had been about six months before I told my friends, which is what you see in the pilot, which is in the first episode. But it takes time and it takes a lot of work. And I remember being in therapy. And my therapist asked me, he said, like before we even... dive into this. Like you need to take the time to decide. You need to decide, is this something you want to work out or is this something you don't want to work out? And it's so weird because I feel like I had never taken a step back and really had thought that for myself. Because in, I would say not

Mormon religion, but Mormon culture, it's like no divorce. Like you were going to work it out. So initially when I had found that out, I was like, oh, absolutely not. Like I have to work this out. Like there's divorce isn't even an option. So I'm very grateful for that therapist because I think if I would have just done it just because it was expected of me, we wouldn't be where we are today. It was something I really needed to sit down. Do I want to work this out? Do I want to regain this trust?

That doesn't mean that things are still triggering to me. Of course, they're going to be. And then when it is, then I'm going to work it out and then I'm going to keep moving forward. Yeah. Yeah. I always say like going through, you know, going through like a rough patch or going through something like that, like getting on the other side with, you know, your partner or like a friend, whatever that is. Like it just like you feel like just so much better about each other. Like it the the bond that it builds and like knowing that like you both equally are willing to work on this together. I feel that same. way with Macy, because we've gone through a lot. Yeah. And every time the conversations can be hard at times. So then every time I feel like, okay, like if anything, we're just getting closer. Yeah. Because we're both putting in an effort in this relationship, which I'm very grateful for. Yeah. Yeah. You touched on Mormonism. I'd love to kind of like dive into that a little bit.

Yeah. I forgot to bring my book a Mormon for you. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. It's good. Imagine you knock on the door and we are standing there. You know, I was a missionary. Were you? I did serve a mission. Oh, wow. In Atlanta, Georgia.

In Atlanta? Yeah. I went and I knocked on doors. Wow. Is that a very naive question here? You're fine. Do both males and females equally do that, or is it normally? So, yeah.

Okay. But it's always a choice. Okay. You get to choose if you want to go or if you don't want to go. But it used to be the women had to be 21. but it literally changed in 2014. It was either 2013 or 2014, where they changed the age for women to go at 19.

Oh. Yeah. Well, that makes sense why a lot of my Mormon friends in high school was the guys that were going. Yes. Because a lot of times, you know, again, in Mormon culture,

women are getting married younger. So a lot of times, a lot of them would have already been married before they would have gone on a mission. Yeah. Like before 21. Yeah. Yeah.

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today. That's j-l-o beauty.com slash squeeze. Do you feel that the Mormon upbringing of, you know, having such, like, strict rules and being sheltered, do you feel like that can have an influence on people to desire to, like, let loose and, you know, drinking, partying, like, whatever it may be. Do you feel like that correlates? I personally have never felt that way, but I could totally see it. Yeah. You know, you're in this bubble. And once that bubble pops, you're probably going to want to experience anything and everything. And it's interesting, Utah Mormon culture, I feel like is different than even when I serve my mission in Georgia. Like the Georgia Mormons there are a bit more exposed to other cultures or drugs or alcohol or whatever. Where in Utah, it's just like, everyone, you just assume like I went to high school, literally everyone was Mormon. I didn't know one person that wasn't Mormon in my high school. That's a lot of people. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah. Dang. Do you think the show did a good portrayal of modern Mormonism? Oh, that's a really good question. I think, if anything, the show had less to do about Mormon doctrine and more about these women's lives and just happen chance we have all either been raised. Mormonism or are currently living Mormonism. And I think that a lot of people can, can, could find someone in the cast that is Mormon that they could relate to. Like, oh yeah, like, I do live this way.

Yeah. And that is something that's hard for me, but I still consider myself Mormon. Or then, you know, for someone else, like, oh, I love how devout she is. I want to be more like that. I don't know. Yeah. That's a really good question. How has like the. Mormon community. I know that's very large word to say. What has the reaction been about the show from Mormons? You know what? I've gone to church since then and I've had people my award come up to me being like, I loved. I loved this show. It was so awesome. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Online, it's a lot louder than I think it is in person. It's a lot easier for somebody to get behind the keyboard and say hurtful things. I mean, who knows? They could probably not even be Mormon, but want to just, you know, see. say something critical. I don't know. Yeah. But I try to focus on actual reality and going out in public and being in the Mormon community. And to me, it seemed receptive. Yeah. Because they

watched it and they're like, well, yeah, we're not sitting down talking about Mormon doctrine. You know, we're not talking, we're not trying to convert people to this religion. Yeah. We're just sharing our story. And all of us have had some sort of Mormonism in our lives at one point in time. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I have a question that I have been dying to ask since like the very beginning of watching the show. Yeah. And this is genuinely just out of curiosity. Yeah. Why can't Mormons have coffee but can have soda? Yeah. When I go to heaven, that's the first question I'm going to ask. Is that a very, is that a common question? It is because to the, to people, they're like, well, they're both caffeinated. And I think that's why people think that we can't drink caffeine because of coffee.

But that's not the case at all. We can have as much caffeine as we can. Okay. But we're advised to stay away from coffee. Why is that? I wish I knew that answer. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. That doesn't help you at all, Taylor. I'm sorry. Oh, man. Dang it. I know. I know. I did read online, not saying this is true.

Yeah. I did read online that someone said because it was hot. Oh yeah, I know because You told me that And I I Is that you've That doesn't seem like the truth to you

No I mean When you read it Okay so it's called the word of wisdom And in there Gives us guidelines of certain things That we should abstain from Right Like alcohol, drugs

Um Coffee But it's stated as hot beverages But then it'd been later Explain that it was relating to coffee because, you know, hot beverage could be hot chocolate, you know? So, yeah, I don't know the answer to that. But I have friends who are Mormon that drink it.

I personally don't drink it. Yeah, I don't. I don't know. Okay. Yeah. Sorry. No. I wish I knew.

What's your favorite soda? Oh, gosh, you know, I'm not a huge soda drinker. Not a big soda drink. I'm not, but I love, if you're ever in Utah and you go to so delicious. I love the fighter refresher. It's sparkling water. and they put a lot of fun syrups in there. It's so delicious and it is very refreshing.

Okay. But I'm not a huge, yeah. I've never been a huge soda drinker. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we're not the biggest soda drinkers. Yeah. I like poppies.

Yeah, we do like poppies. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love a sparkling drink. Yes, but I'm not like, like, I'm not like a Coke or a doctor pepper. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

My thing is like a poppy at night with dinner. It's like my, that's my go-to. Yeah. There's sparkling water with lime. Yeah. Yeah. I have to ask. about the RSV video.

Yeah. It's so funny because we were watching the show. Yeah. I'd seen this video. It feels like forever ago. It was forever ago. Because my son's almost three. So we're all three years ago.

And I, my mind was blown when I put together that that person in that video was you. Yeah. My brain is still trying to wrap around that. Yeah. But I just have to ask, you know, because in the show, and I think this is something a lot of people are wondering, so I just wanted to open the floor to you. You know, in the show, DeMey says that, you know, the only reason you posted that video was for clout. Yeah. What do you have to say about that? When we did the ketamine treatment, I'd never done it before. It was the first time I'd ever done anything like that. And... I was told to think of something I wanted to work through. And I had a playlist. I think you're under it for about 30 minutes.

Oh, I don't remember. Very, very dark. I'm in that moment when my son did get RSV. I'm sitting in what felt like a 500 square foot room. It's just me and my son. And trying to find any glimpse of happiness because I'm also going even now. through hormonal changes. I just had a baby. And I'm on ketamine and I'm going through that and I'm remembering reading such like hurtful and hateful messages about myself. And I'm sitting in that space

and I'm believing it. And so I'm coming out of this saying all of these things. Like I am a horrible person. I did do this for clout. I don't remember everything I said. But I don't believe everything I said. That was so dark. And I do believe that when you read so much hate about yourself, you can believe it. And that's what was happening. And I didn't do it for cloud. If anything, and if you had been following me like ahead of time, that was something I normally already did. I'd respond to a comment and do a little dance for everyone to say that I was twerking. Oh my gosh, I wasn't twerking in that video. But my son was getting better. and I made a video. I was in my happy space and I would have never made that video if it had

turned into what it turned into. Yeah. Which just, it makes me sick. Yeah. Yeah. Do you now, you know, not in that moment now, you know, remove, you know, a few years, right? Yeah. A few years removed from it. Do you see the video and understand how it, you know, a few years removed from it? Do you see the video and understand how it could have come across and sensitive to some people? Absolutely. Okay. Absolutely. Again, I mean, with the same, you think I would have learned my lesson by now,

the same thing with sharing the text messages with Macy. Like, sometimes you just don't think. And I wasn't in a space, obviously, to be thinking. I was just doing what felt like I normally do. And then it turned into what it was today, which is unfortunate. Yeah. I'm curious, like, looking back, you know, watching the show, seeing, like, not many people get to see their arguments and confrontations with their friends. Like, not many people get to have that, that bird's eye view.

Yeah. On to. I don't want to watch mine. On to these conversations. And, you know, I'm curious if, you know, you watching this, these back and learning, you know, you know, listening, I don't know if you've like listened to, you know, how the other girls feel. Now like post-show and them like sharing their thoughts and opinions, you know, of you and whatever it may be. When you watch those moments back, is there anything that you, have you learned anything about yourself and maybe like, oh, I do like, when I say this, it does kind of sound like that.

I kind of feel like I think to work on that. Yeah, I'd love to communicate things better. Because I never meant to separate myself as like I hate you or I want you to hurt. If anything, I just, I needed it for myself. It was for me. That boundary was for me. Because, again, I can't control what other people do. I can only control what I can control.

And in that moment, that's what I could control. Yeah. That was probably the biggest thing. I mean, look at even now. I hadn't talked to Macy until this morning. And how nice that would have been if I would have just responded to her. because she did reach out to me. And I just wasn't in a space to even respond her.

But how nice it would have been if I would have had that conversation earlier, all of that hurt wouldn't have even happened. I already know it. Yeah. My pride can get in the way. And sometimes I don't want to have a conversation. Sometimes I think that's easier. But then in the end, once you have the conversation, even with your spouses,

you're like, well, it was easier just to have the conversation. Yeah. Yeah. So, so many times, you know, time can be so dangerous. Like, you know, we've experienced this with friends and stuff. And, you know, just when, when so much time goes by. Because then you start assuming. Yeah. You start making assumptions. Both sides, you know, brains start to create these storylines. Yeah, that's what I was doing. And they're doing it too. And then it's 10 times worse. Yeah. Then when you finally have the conversation, you're just like, wow, I really wish I wouldn't have

waited this long and I would have just had it back then. There's been a whole lot easier. Amen. Yeah. I fully agree with that. Yeah. Yeah. This is just an observation and I'm curious

if you relate to it at all. From, you know, from me looking in, and of course, you know, again, what I'm seeing is an edit. So an observation. It almost feels like. to me sometimes when there is even like a slight, a slight potential, like, conflict or argument, you almost self-sabotage it and, like, and hurt yourself before the other person can do anything. Yeah.

Do you feel like you do that at all? Like, almost deflect? Yeah. Or even just try to be like, you know. know, people see it in like their, like, partner relationships of like, you know, you're dating someone. It's going great. I'm going to like end it and cut it off before they can like hurt me. Oh, wow. I think if there was more context in the show, it wouldn't have been perceived that way. But watching it as a viewer as I did, absolutely. I could totally see how it would be viewed that way.

Yeah. But again, my intent was never, you know, what was me playing a victim? It was. I'm in a very dark place right now. I need to separate myself. Because if anything, I didn't want to hurt anyone. I was worried that I was going to hurt someone. I just hurt someone. Yeah. With to me, with me sharing personal information that had been asked for me not to share. And I felt like it was the healthiest thing. And then I needed to communicate that better, obviously, rather than just leaving the group chat, because that's what I did. I just pieced out and left with no context. So, of course people are going to make assumptions and assume I would have done the same thing. Yeah.

Yeah. If there is a season two, would you do it? Guess we'll have to wait and see. Don't we love that answer? I guess this is a two-part question. Have you watched any of the press or podcasts that the girls have done? I try and stay away from it. There have been stuff that other friends will send me because they know more of what we talked about today.

But I really try and stay away from it because, you know, I'm human and it does hurt. And again, I think it's just, I don't know, I wish I had the answer, a miscommunication. I don't know. Yeah. Is there anything, you know, they have spoken their feelings, you know. towards you, is there anything you would like to, like, openly say to them? Um, no, I think if there was, then I would probably say it to them personally. Yeah. I can't think of anything. I mean, the things that they've said are, at least from what I've heard,

are more so, like, I don't know if you can swear on this, but like calling me a bitch or something. Yeah. Or, you know, an attention. seeker, stuff like that. I think they're just angry. Yeah. And there's been no conversation as to why they're so angry. Do you feel like you would want to have that conversation with them? Yeah. I think that it would be healthy too. Yeah. Yeah. Taylor's like, let's get everyone on. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, that would be. No, I know. I'm just, I'm just curious. like, you know, it's just, it's interesting to watch, you know, some of the girls, like, say, you know, like they're, they don't like desire friendship with you. Like, you know, they're done with

whatever, which, you know, I'm sure they, you know, have feelings of her and maybe haven't felt heard from you. And, like, their feeling is, you know, they're allowed to feel that. And I'm just, like, curious how, I guess this is just, just my brain. How does that work? Like, when you guys are a part of the friend group, but is it a friend group, but you're on a reality show together, like, how, how do you foresee that, like, how would that, like, be navigated? How do you continue? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it has to be mutual, right? Like, if you, if you want to have a relationship with someone, it has to be from both ends. and going into this,

the people that I was closest to was Macy and Michaela by far. And then more women joined this cast and then we became closer as time went on. But I don't know. I have the answer. But I will say I have no ill feelings towards them. Yeah.

And I wish, I wish I knew like the exact moment that it went so sour because I don't know what that moment was or is. Yeah. And if they were willing to have that conversation with you, are you willing to have that and hear them? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I'd love to. I will say one thing that I think that they were very upset about is me not attending Macy's event, but then going to Michaela's birthday party at the very end.

when you're on a production, there's beats that you're expected to show up at. And that was one that I was expected to show up at. But what's not shown in that scene is how emotional I was. I had to. I knew those women were going to be upset with me showing up. I like separate myself in a room, like, you know, compose myself before coming back out to have that conversation with Macy, which you don't see in the edit. But that was hard. That was really. hard. And I, again, I know that they were upset. And I knew going into that, they would be upset. And I, it just sucked. I hate that that was the circumstance. Yeah. But it was. So to me, I'm like, well, maybe that's what it is, that moment. But again, it wasn't like I had some plan to make that happen. Yeah. That was never, yeah, that wasn't some preconceived plan. Yeah. That just happened. Yeah. I guess for me, just like watching, like, you know, in my mind, like watching, you know, it is like you, Macy and Michaela and like, it's, you know, it is a bum. Like, you know, I am just meeting you. You seem lovely. I've followed Michaela

on social media. She seems lovely. Like, I have no, like, sides. But, like, watching for my viewer, I'm like, I wish, like, I hope one day, like, that friendship could be meant. Yeah. I would say that's probably when I, in this, where we're at Layla's divorce party and I confront Jesse and she's telling me all of these things that these women are saying about me

I can't remember if it went into detail or not in the actual edit but what hurt the most was that Michaela had also joined in on that conversation because I thought we were good I thought we were great

I just like felt so blindsided and confused Like, I didn't even know what was real and what wasn't real at that moment. Yeah. And even now, we've had a conversation, even after the show, reached out to her. Like, I hate a message. Like, I hate how things turned out, you know, so sorry with how things turned out. But she's obviously still upset.

And I don't fully know why. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, before we wrap up, I mean, first of all, I just. just want to ask, is there anything, is there anything else that you wanted to say that we didn't cover? Oh, that's so sweet you. I just want to give you that opportunity. Um, no, I just, I generally am very grateful creating a safe space. I really appreciate it. I love talking to you guys. Taylor and Taylor. Yeah. Which I don't know how you guys do that. That would, oh my gosh,

I love it. We're, we're very thankful for you coming on. Um, I, you know, can imagine that it, probably was, you know, a bit scary to have these conversations. And I know, you know, they weren't super easy, but it was brave of you to, you know, show up here today. And, you know, we're rooting for you. We hope the absolute best for you. You know, we hope that you can make amends with, you know, any of the remaining girls. If that's what, you know, everybody is. is wanting. We're very happy for this one. Third and final. All right. But yeah, just thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you. I appreciate it. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a

direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.