The Steve Dangle Podcast - The Best of the SDP Part 1 | August 15, 2017

Episode Date: August 16, 2017

00:00 - An update from Stevie Dangle 05:45 - Mrs Dangle surprises Steve with Tickets 13:51 - Bachelorette Bios 47:00 - SIM 59:30 - Sex advice from Stephen A Smith 1:07:15 - Brenda from the gym 1:09:00 - Calling Adam Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Steve Dangle Podcast I'm sorry, I'm sorry Like we have all that nice intro stuff Like I'm pretty sure we paid for that Like that cost money, I'm pretty sure And I just ruined it And I just chose to ruin it Because I'm uncomfortable in my own body

And when there's silence And there's no one to bounce off of I talk like this When Adam and Jesse are not there to babysit me This is what you get Hi everybody Welcome to the Panago Pizza Steve Dangle podcast. I am, I'm coarse. I'm coarse. Jesus, I'm just so bad at this. I'm Steve Dangle and I'm failing miserably. Look, you're listening to a

best of that is starting poorly, but I promise it's going to get better because Jesse, young Jesse Blake, far younger than young Tyler Bozak, always does a great job. He's the best. He does things and also you help them out uh i believe on the reddit page reddit.com slash dangle and um it's going to be a good show um holy smokes did we pick the perfect time to take a little bit of time off um because i made a video today and it was about how alexi marchenko got put uh got put on unconditional waivers for the purpose of leaving the team for the khl and uh also the Marley's not even the Leafs the Marley's signed Martin's Jerkles and that was a video that's a video come on there's nothing going on so I know you got a little upset uh we need two weeks off

and if you saw my video recently you'll know what I'm talking about and if you didn't well we're gonna have a lot of guests coming on very soon uh Carolyn Cameron is booked she I think is going to be our next show where it's like live and happening that day. Uh, that's going to be August 29th, September 5th. We have Gus Katsaros coming on. If you've been a long time listener, you know exactly who that is. And he was an excellent guest the first time around and he'll be even better the second time around. That's my promise. No pressure there, Gus. Tim and Sid are coming on September 7th and we have a guest. I think we maybe have a guest for September 12th. I'm not sure. I'm just going to tease you with that on account of it's like a month away.

Um, and we have many more that we're working on, uh, and we're gonna unofficially return to two a week at the beginning of September. We're not going to officially, officially go back to two podcasts a week until the, uh, end of September. Final week, I think. Why then? Because that's when preseason starts. And look, do you want us to talk about Pokemon or hockey? Okay, well, there you go. Okay. What would you like two hours of Mayweather McGregor? Because that is what you won't know. I would never, I wouldn't subject you to that. I will watch it in shame. I look, I know I'm a sucker. I know it's going to be bad. I don't care. I'm going to watch it. Okay. I'm sorry. Um, with that, I'm going to stop yammering on three minutes over three minutes of that.

When Adam's not here to scold me for being a... Adam's really good at his job. And so is Jesse. And you're about to hear that on the best of the Steve Dangle Podcast. Welcome to the best of. Thank you so much, Stevie Dangman, for doing that lovely intro for us. Twice a year, I get to do this. I get to sit alone, all alone, in our studio at the corner of Ted Rogers Way and Bloor Street in downtown Toronto.

And I get to talk to you guys, all by my lonesome. And I get to introduce these clips from the past six months of our show. And the first one I'm going to go with is the time Mrs. Dangle surprised Steven with Leafs playoffs tickets. remember when the Leafs were good this past season remember when we made the freaking playoffs what a year that was unbelievable anyways Mrs. Dangle we called her up on the show and she surprised Steve with tickets to our first home game in what felt like 883 years here's a reference steve won't understand our playoff drought lasted longer than the winter will on game of thrones pop culture reference i'm so i'm so trending i'm so hashtag relevant look how relevant i am guys

i'm hashtag relevant that's that's a trending topic i just got in there No Anyways First clip Mrs. Dangle We called her up Surprising Steve With tickets

To Leafs Home game one This past year Let's go I felt like a bit of an alien As a Leaf fan though It was great watching Mike Dernay By his towel

Hi there Is this Mrs. Dangle? Yeah can you hear me Because I'm driving Yeah we can hear you perfectly fine You're on the show Steve's face Steve is so disappointed

To be talking to you right now What did she buy What did you buy We were talking a little bit earlier About your you tripped and fell And bought 30 Leafs Or 30 Blue Jays tickets So we wanted to call

And check in Not necessarily about that but there's something else Yeah so Steven Yeah. Okay, you can't get mad at me because I started a little savings account. And I've been saving a little bit of money. Okay.

I really wanted to try and get you a playoff ticket. Okay. So I got you a playoff ticket. Hey! Free stuff from your wife! I got it for Monday's date. Hello? Honey.

This is the worst news ever. Oh, it's terrible. You got me a Leafs playoff ticket? What? You got me a Leafs playoff ticket. Yes, for Monday. Oh, my God. I can't go.

Yes, you can. I'm working. No, I read that email and it said it's from 5 to 7. Oh, you're right. Oh my god, I forgot! Yes! Yes! Oh, you're right! Holy shit!

Listen! Okay, so I got two tickets, but I had to get separate. I was like, there's no way she's this crazy. You're right! Sorry, wait. Okay, what did you do? Okay, so I tried to get two together. It didn't work, obviously.

So then I got single tickets. So I'm sitting like way up in the purple and you're sitting i think in the red do you take the red seat no you take the red seat no i'm sitting in like an obstructed seat or something i don't care well you guys wait seriously wait you're sitting in brooklyn yeah i'm sitting in brooklyn i don't think i'll even see the ice oh yes you will shut up just find a place to stand we'll meet up at intermissions yeah oh how nice of you oh my god my heart sunk my heart's like because i was like you're crazy so steve do you want to make that announcement now well yeah i gotta make that

holy shit my heart sunk so much so um you know how there's crazy stuff going on in maple leaf square yeah for the leafs home games during the playoffs i will be hosting the tailgate at maple leaf square That is so sick. Along with someone named Emily who I haven't met before. But why am I on the floor? I'm on my knees right now. Only from five to seven. That's what she said.

Oh, yeah. I forgot. Jeez. My heart sunk because I'm like, she spent what was probably a fortune on tickets that I can't use because I'm working, but I'm not. And you're the best wife ever. Some of this doesn't make sense to me. You're going to see a playoff game for real.

Oh, my God. Adam. What? As an employee of Sportsnet And someone who covers hockey for Sportsnet Right Couldn't Steve just fill out a form And apply for a press pass?

Could you not? Sportsnet has told me they could get me Press passes before Playoffs, I don't think so I've been up in the gondola before I don't think there's enough space Especially during the playoffs No, they're probably all reserved already

Hey, can we just take a moment for Mrs. Dangle As the best wife ever Oh my god That is so sick Come on I'm feeling joy Because I'm going to the game But also relief

Yeah My heart was racing When I was getting in it My heart was racing When you told me you got it And I thought I couldn't go Oh my god Yeah

So I'm hosting the tailgate And then after that I was planning on watching The game from Real Sports But I guess The Monday game I'm going to be at the game Is that game three or four?

No that's game one Home game one Game three home game one so game three yeah oh my god I figured there will

definitely be a game one right home game one yeah oh yeah there definitely will be oh my heart right now home game one and two

this is fantastic I can't even I can't talk to you about how much I spent but yeah you can I'm your husband what is it

oh my no I'm not telling you I've been saving up for this for a while now well and you know what the great part about this is you know what

I don't need to know. The great part about this, yeah, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. But also, it means that your fund for getting

a second dog is now depleted. So, you should look at this as a benefit as well, right? It's expensive. Even to get a rescue,

it's very, like, Bindi's fee was $450. Well, and that's just the fee. Then you have to raise a dog. Yeah. But your fee

for getting the dog is... Which is what I told her. So, this is good. It's not the money. It's the 10 years of having a dog And it also costs money to have a dog

Anyway, sorry I know girl tricks What? This didn't decrease her chances of getting a dog This increased it Oh no Listen to that laugh I got you playoff tickets

You can't get me the dog I want I did get you the dog I want His name is Iggy Dude Dangle He lives with us He's wonderful anyway you know what no I

should I deny these tickets no you should not yeah you're right no I would never no don't even joke about that or

should we upsell them and make a mortgage payment no I don't I'm kidding I'm kidding

yes fuck that I agree Mrs. Dangle you're a wonderful person and Steve I'm still very happy for you and a little jealous

I'm not gonna lie I'm a little jealous that you get to go it hasn't sunk in yet well how could it we just found out I didn't think until Monday. No.

Yeah, I know. She's like, are you excited for the Jays game tonight? She called me on the train on the way here. And I'm like, no, I'm doing the podcast first. I'm a one thing at a time guy. Has your wife ever asked you, so you know that event we have next weekend? What are you wearing to that? Oh, yeah.

And I'll be like, let's start with what event we're going to next weekend. What are we doing? Yeah, let's start with what that is. Because I don't know. I'm going? There's a next weekend? Yeah, right. Like I wasn't aware.

It's very true. This next clip might be my favorite thing to ever happen on the show. Like forever, ever. Ever, ever? Ever, ever? Yeah, forever. Like, ever. It's Adam, Steve, and myself going through the bios of this year's Bachelorette contestants.

Now, we didn't really keep up with the Bachelorette updates Well, for one, it got weird with DeMario, who had some sexual assault allegations against him, and then later they got dismissed, and then they're still airing those episodes of Bachelor in Paradise. I'm sorry I'm too deep in this world because I work at a top 40 radio station. You have to kind of be very deep in that world. anyways we didn't really keep up with the bachelorette updates throughout the year but this one moment was worth all of that because it's freaking i keep saying freaking it's god no that's even worse it's really hilarious take a listen i wanted to introduce you to adam not this Adam but another Adam he's 27 he's a real estate agent definitely not me

and he says the most romantic present he's ever received was a threesome whoa it was his birthday I want to introduce you to Alex he's 28 he's an information system survived supervisor who once ate a live salamander and he says his favorite artist is the rock these two men will be on the next season of the bachelorette and i want to read the rest of the profiles of these guys on the bachelorette because they are the most absurd things i've ever this is great i love this yes i love the show by the way i love it it's such a train wreck it's the best so go ahead i was gonna say there was a time uh what was it called i want to say bachelor pad or something might have been paradise island actually

me and our buddy derrick we would get together on mondays and watch it and we're like good we would go to the beer store and pick up beer and they'd be like oh you guys watching the game and we'd be like yeah yeah and we would get together and just be like it's not right for her no way i would love to be part of that can you skype me in if you didn't live oh we definitely should If you live three cities away, I'd come over. I know. Oh, my God. Blake E.

He's got to add the initial, because I guess there's another Blake on the show. There might be another Blake. 31. The Blake I. He's an aspiring drummer. His favorite childhood memory is horseback riding camp. Wait, wait. How do you be an aspiring drummer?

You drum or you don't. He's an aspiring drummer at 31. I think he aspires to make money. Steve. I think he does the physical act of drumming. Steve Dangle, aspiring saxophone player. his favorite childhood memory is horseback riding camp he also doesn't think parking ticket people have souls wow oh wow shit on the working man nice man nice that's great why don't

you go back to horse riding camp are you serious what a what a booty he's just trying to park his horse adam where do you put the ticket on a horse that's a good point do you hair clip just put it on the main? Blake K. No, we found the other Blake. That's such a stupid visual. I know, right? That's so silly. Blake K. 29. A U.S. Marine

veteran. They always have someone from the Army. He said if he was stranded on a desert island, he'd want it to be made of Chipotle. Now, okay. Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this

So they asked him Some like Favorite childhood memory Yeah What's your favorite food Chipotle So if you were stranded On an

You'd want it to be Made of the I wouldn't want it to be Made of the sauce Chipotle It would get washed away And I'd die in the middle Of the ocean

Because this island Was made of Chipotle And lasted three seconds Not Chipotle sauce The like burritos Chipotle Still That would dissolve

Very quickly In the ocean This is not Come on So you better eat it quick You live on the island as Chipotle, you're dead pretty soon. So that's what you say, Adam, but

the producer asking him those questions probably received an answer of yeah, and then they wrote that down, and now he wants to be stranded on an island made of Chipotle. So, Brady is 29. He's a male model. They asked him, what's the most romantic

gift you've ever received? What do you think he said? Was it a threesome? That's, by the way, that's a hot gift. I don't know if that's romantic. He said romantic Let's light some candles and put this in something else Are we kidding?

Are we serious? Let's get naked with somebody else That's not romantic To Blake Hamm maybe Okay it's going to be something super stupid I'm going to go with some kind of trinket Like some kind of figurine What do you think?

Sorry what's the question again? Brady 29 He's a male model They asked him, what's the most romantic gift you've ever received? By the way, I'm surprised all these guys aren't male models. They're all hiring drummer male models. They're all extremely good looking. Next one is Jason, male model.

Now we have Noah, male model. Aspiring TV host, basically. Followed by Fitzhugh, male model. Lacrosse player. Okay, so most romantic gift, his name's Brady. Probably a Lacoste t-shirt. Oh, wow. Lululemon Sweatpants.

Wow! Wow! That's the most romantic. Guys, come on! That's not your most romantic. Are you kidding? Brian, 37. He's the old guy on the show.

The Silver Fox, if you will. But Brian knows some stuff and some things. Brian can teach you a few things. He's a chiropractor. What do you think the wildest thing he's ever done in the bedroom is? Chiropractor? that would be pretty wild hang on i'm just gonna adjust you here i'm gonna adjust your back in other places a because you see yeah

some obvious joke about deep tissue sorry we're gonna get so many messages like that's not what being a chiropractor is it's about cracking bones or something i don't know don't hate chiropractors by the way Yes, they do. Doctors hate them. Doctors hate her. Yeah, yeah. What's this guy's name?

Brian. Doctors hate Brian. Brian definitely used a sex swing at one point or another. He says, handcuffs, blindfolds, hot wax, or balcony sex. All those things are the craziest things he's done in the bedroom. Wow. Well, balcony isn't in the bedroom, a-hole, so way to not answer the question properly.

God, maybe Brian should learn to listen. Out. See you, Brian. Yeah. How's his attention to detail? Think about that when you got this. When you got a hand full of roses. I got this weird pain in my neck.

Cool, I'm going to work on your lower back thing. Thanks, Brian. Brian, chiropractor, shitty listener. That should be on his application. Fuck Brian. Oh my God. All right, Bryce is a firefighter. I bet.

His dream job. Firefighter calendar, Bob. That's the dream job. Professional Instagrammer. Yes! I knew it! I freaking knew it! Wait, he's an aspiring model!

I want to sell Fit Tea. Who do you think is a two-parter for his bio? This is a great thing that you're doing. His dream job is a professional Instagrammer. But who do you think he could see himself being? Like a person? A celebrity. Celebrity.

Yeah, yeah. He could see himself being this celebrity in his life. Bryce. 30 years old. Dan Blazarian. I'm going to say Brad Pitt. He said Matthew McConaughey. Close.

Oh, geez. Man, okay, I'm not going to spoil it for you, but Louis C.K.'s new special. Oh, it's so good. The Matthew McConaughey bit. The Magic Mike bit. Holy shit. I gotta watch that. I gotta watch that.

Holy shit. Don't say anything. Don't say anything. I gotta watch that. I haven't even seen the second Chappelle yet, so. Oh, me neither. No.

We got another two-parter on the bio. So Dean, he's 26. Young guy. Hey. The young cat. But he's ready to settle down because he came from

a good Christian family, don't you know? I think he is. They all, by the way, came from good Christian families. I don't know why that's a big thing on The Bachelor,

but it's like, but also Jesus. He steps out of the limo. She meets him for the first time What's your name? Dean. How do you feel about children? I have eight abs and a love of Christ.

Yeah. Eight children right now. How do you feel? How do you feel about that? You know, you'd be surprised at one of the things in his bio. Uh-oh. He thinks marriage is an institutionalized scam. Oh, so he's not a...

Yeah. So basically, he's the bad boy. He has to be the bad boy. The young bad boy. He wears leather jackets. You think he drives a motorcycle? Yeah. Oh, man.

Does he, like, fold his t-shirt sleeve to hold his cigarettes? The second part of his bio. He has a tattoo on the inside of his lip. What do you think it says? It's one word. Now, Jesse, you used to have a tattoo on the inside of your lip. You still do. It's a little faded, though.

It was a piece of pizza. It looks like somebody took a bite out of it. Was it you? What is the tattoo of? It's in my mouth. Wait, it says something. It says one word across the inside of his lip. Oh, I was going to say... Freedom.

Oh, that's a good one. Freedom. For sure. I might be the douchiest thing ever! I'm not expecting this to be some deep word. Oh my god, I got lightheaded! What do you think Dean's tattoo says is not- is unfortunately not freedom? Oh.

Freedom! You made it to the Dean's list. I wish it was that. His name's Dean, and he made it to the Dean's List. Do you think you were supposed to say something? To his sex kills as the Dean's List? The Dean's List, yes. Oh, my God! Oh, I definitely know he's had that conversation.

Remember, remember, guys, we're not Broke Culture. We're poking fun at this. Ready for the lean, mean Dean machine? These are conversations, as young men, we've all overheard and went, Ugh, why? Words. It says words. Oh, no.

Very close to freedom. It says righteous This man Literally has a tattoo In his mouth That says righteous If he is not out in the first episode I'm judging her

Judgment on her You can't keep a guy around who's got that going on All of that This is for Rachel She's going to see right through that I love her Dean, 26, thinks marriage is an institutionalized scam Has a tattoo on his inner lip that says

Righteous Was actually raised by the Ninja Turtles By the way In case you're all wondering Bachelorette happens on a Monday night So here's the thing Every Tuesday from now on For the rest of the summer we don't have hockey

So what are we doing? Bachelorette, that's right Bachelorette update DeMario, he's black By the way, this is the first black bachelorette, too. We got to the black guy, finally. DeMario is a late 90s R&B singer, right? Oh my god.

Nintendo's trying some new things. Luigi's out. Steven. What? Luigi's out Steven So excited for this bit from the moment Jesse does this thing Where he slows down and he puts his hands together as if to say wait

Will you get a load of this because this is gonna explode? Mario is an ex recruiter who wants a lion What do you think? An ex-recruiter for what? Like a recruiter, job recruiter. Oh, okay. So he used to be a recruiter. Oh, okay.

Headhunter. Headhunter, same thing. He wants a lion. What do you think DeMario wants to name his lion? Who are some famous lions? Aslan? Or? Mufasa?

Or? You think about, they had to grab the cliched black guy. What do you think they'd love for him to name his lion? Oh, no. Don't make me as a white person answer this I don't know where you're going DeMario wants a lion DeLuigio

Denzel Denzel the lion Of all the things you can name your lion Come on Of all the things you can name your fictitious lion What do you do at home movie? Cat on fire Instead of man on fire

That is a great turn your brain off movie By the way The cat is avenging the fact that the poachers came for his family. If you want to watch a movie and for the first half hour go, where is this going? And for the next hour go, holy shit! Man on Fire is working. Man on Fire is really good. It's Denzel Washington getting fucking revenge.

It's like, take it. It's another, just, you're like, yes, I want to be that person. But Denzel Washington instead of... Next up is Diggy. Diggy. Now, I'm going to read you Diggie's bot. Wait. Wait.

Diggie? Diggie. Second generation Pokemon. For sure. For sure. That's what he is, right? He's a second generation. That's okay.

He's not a human. He's a second generation Pokemon. Yeah, they added Pokemon to the Bachelor. That's cool. I mean, Pokemon Go is sponsoring the Bachelor. I'm just sure you didn't know that. Diggie. Former Diggie.

They're adding all the characters. Nintendo's all in. So Diggy's 31 Demario passed it to Diggy For the WHL winning goal So I'm going to read you his bio Just tell me if he's a piece of shit

So he's definitely a piece of shit Let me know I want to know He's a senior inventory analyst He says He once slept with a girl And then pretended he was asleep when she found out her bro was missing.

What? Found out her bro? Her brother? Her brother. Why do they write her bro? Because bro could be a friend. It says bro was missing. You know what sucks? Is Diggy a piece of shit? First of all, yes, Diggy is a piece of shit. Second of all, we don't know how big

of a piece of shit he is yet because that story is so vague that they're going to get into it during the show. That's a tease. That is a tease. I can't wait for that. I want to know why Diggy is a piece of shit man

alright Eric Eric's 29 and he's a personal trainer what's his favorite drink what did he answer when they asked him what's your favorite drink

Eric is a big fan of I think he's a vodka crayon guy Smart water. Vodka crayon. When they said, Eric, what's your favorite drink?

He said, green drink. What the hell is green drink? Green drink is all he said. No, there's purple drink from Dave Chappelle. But this is green drink. You mean like a green smoothie? Green drink is what Eric said. So it's like an apple flavor?

It's apple drink. It's what Dave Chappelle described. Water, sugar, purple is grape drink. Yeah, water, sugar, green. And then water, sugar, green is apple drink. So do you think he was trying to be funny? I don't know. I don't think Eric tries at any.

All right, cool. He probably doesn't have to. He's good looking. Okay. Aspiring model. Now, Fred's a bit of a weirdo. Because I don't know why. Well, you've got to have the quirky guy.

Compared to these other guys, Fred's a little out there. Because I don't know why this would be the thing you put out in your bio. He's an executive assistant. And he said there are times he gets aroused at work and has to go back to his desk to avoid being noticed. Fred, he says, I get awkward boners, and this is what I want you to know about me. Is this foreshadowing for the show? Fred's a creep, man. Listen, we all get moments, momentary, everybody.

Both genders. All genders. Yeah, not just both. Imagine if that's his thing throughout the whole show, is he's just walking around with a big ol' boner. Don't act like you're not impressed. Hi, I'm Fred, and she's like, oh my. Just the entire show. Oh, alright everyone, out to the pool, we got a challenge to do.

That tells me that Fred's going to have an awkward moment. But it'll be just with the boys. You know they have the moments with the boys, funny things happen with just the boys? They're all just sitting there for some reason, they never have a shirt on. Yeah. And there's Fred. There's Fred. Because you know when you're sitting with your friends and you're perfectly shaven chest?

You're perfectly shaven chest and you're like, you know, I don't feel like, this shirt is oppressive. I'm taking it off. Yeah. Maybe Fred was looking at Demario and then he just, he got his awkward moment. Mario sounds handsome. That is a handsome name. You got to give to Mario credit That's why I said like late 90s R&B singer I thought like Oh Demario like that is your eye you are a track you're that guy who's the guy in the video that had? The hands all over him and he had the one big hit in like

And Cisco, no No And he just no not genuine that's what I was gonna say, but he had like a crazy body It started with D'Angelo D'Angelo. That's who I was thinking when I thought Demario I'm like he's gonna be a good-looking dude who belongs in like an R&B video with attractive women Yes, you got to look at that D'Angelo video You might you might like bread if you watch it With bios because next I'm not gonna read his name the name is just so absurd. He's a consulting firm CEO wait this name

This is what did it for him And now for something really crazy His story is that He once got a boner During a board meeting And had to present sitting down So why is random boners a thing Well I mean it's

Listen being randomly turned on I think for a human being For most human beings is a thing Mystery name and Fred are going to get into some kind of really awkward wrestling match It's obviously different based on what appendage you have Because I you know because men it's a little bit more visible right yeah i think we can agree on that for sure um so i mean i don't get it if someone asks you adam tell me something interesting i'm

not telling you about my awkward boner probably not i might tell you about awkward boners.com but i might not dot cam the first thing you think of isn't hey i got a boner once no jesse i i really want to know his name it's something it's something very close to your heart how how white is this name? Is this guy's name Iggy? His name is Iggy. No! There's an Iggy on that shirt! Oh my god!

That's our very thing. All Mondays we're gonna see if Iggy, if Rachel picks Iggy every month. You have to pick. By the way, I think we gotta make do we make our picks on the Oh, Iggy's not gonna make it, man. Sorry, Iggy.

Nope. Nope. Nope Iggy's the average man Every season, whether it's Bachelorette or Bachelor There's always at least one or two people in the house That are just there to be friends Hey, come on, everybody

Why do you always make the top five? Why are you always getting competitive? Come on, everybody That's him Iggy is everyone's friend, which his name is perfect And they always get dropped at Five left, because the contestant always likes them But then always likes them as a friend And then they go home and they're like

I'm a little upset, but I'm going to be okay. I'm a little upset, but you know, I just, I still really care for her. Jamie. There's an Iggy and a Diggy. Jamie, who spells his name J-A-M-E-Y, and he's 32. I've seen it. He's a sales account executive who says he does not have female friends, but he wants his ideal date to look like a model.

So you're a chauvinist pig then That sounds like chauvinist pig He's a friend of Mike Pence I'm going to go out on a limb and say he's an alpha And annoying Do you think it's weird he has no female friends? I need to see Jamie I want to see Jamie

Steve's wife As much as we don't see each other every day Is one of my closest friends What? Friends I can't imagine not having Oh my god He doesn't have female friends and wants his ideal date to look like a model.

And he's smiling like an alien who just got control of his human body and is trying to blend in. I'll start showing you guys the pictures of each one. Because they're all so ridiculous. Jonathan. I am human Jamie. I mean, I am Jamie. How are you?

I was born on Earth. I was born on Earth, weren't you? Jonathan has the worst smile, by the way. He's 31. He describes himself as a tickle monster. 31. Imagine at 31 you're describing yourself as a tickle monster. All right.

He says he has sand from the beach all over his house floor. So you know he goes to the beach. Dirty ass house. Let's guess his three favorite singers. Luke Bryan, Keith Urban, and the Beach Boys. No. Oh, because he's a tickle monster. That was very good.

What, was he close? No. Oh, okay. I mean, come on. That is very good. And nothing wrong with any of those acts, by the way. Yeah, ladies. Listen, there's nothing wrong with any of those people.

I'm just saying. He sounds extraordinarily generic, so we're going to go U2. Yes. Coldplay. And what is the other ginormous band after that? Nickelback. No, I don't even know if Nickelback's on that level anymore. Still really into Maroon 5.

Bon Jovi. Maroon 5. No, Bon Jovi. Mon Jovi. Yeah. Rune 5's in there, too. He goes with Elvis, Britney Spears. What?

And the third one is everyone's favorite rapper, Flo Rida. Jonathan, everyone. I'll show you. Jonathan sucks. Oh, my God. Wow. That's a thing? Can you just imagine him in his cavalier?

driving down the street going, you spin my head right round, right round. I sure hope Pitbull comes on after this. He sings the Kesha part.

He knows all the words to the Kesha part. He looks like Last Man on Earth. Will Arnett? Yeah. No. No.

The other guy in it? The guy who's the Last Man on Earth. No, Will Arnett. Will... You interviewed him. He follows me. We follow each other.

Will... Oh my God, That's who he looks like. He looks like a clean-shaven bat. Look at him. Hang on. Look at him. Yeah, go ahead.

Look at him. Right? Yeah, yeah. He looks like him. He's such a good guy, too. They have different noses, but everything else is the same. A smile. Will Forte.

Will Forte. Thank you. Who is the nicest dude? Add him to the list of the nicest dudes. Not Jamie. Not Jamie. Not Fred, either. Okay.

We need to speed this up. Okay. Kenny admits that he once had sex with a wife while her husband watched. What's the term for that? I don't know. Why don't we ask conservative Twitter? I want to ask Jesse when he's showing us the penguin video. What?

I don't know. I guess you're trying to be outrageous for the show. I keep forgetting that this is a show and not they're actually trying to impress this girl. No, you should be trying to do both. I think they're doing both. I think there's some genuine people that show up there. I think there's people that don't But I think there's people that show up there

And genuinely want to find love I think there is Lee is a singer-songwriter Who says he's a pleaser under raps And his favorite actor is Matthew McConaughey Oh my god Okay

I like this Lee guy Matthew McConaughey is a great actor But if you talk to someone And their favorite actor is Matthew McConaughey If you talk to someone and they have a favorite actor I'm like If Matthew McConaughey was on The Bachelorette, he would have that bio. Yeah.

What is it? I'm a pleaser under raps. Under raps. And I bet he drives a Lincoln just because Matthew McConaughey does. What is Matt's favorite group? Now, Matt is the guy Adam described earlier. Dave Matthews Band. His favorite group is Train.

Do you know why he says his favorite group is Train? Because Sweet Soul Sister is a classic. Because he said, they stand the test of time. Right. Sometimes I hear drops of Jupiter and still cry. Tell me. Michael is a pro basketball player from Bulgaria. Oh, sick.

Okay, now I'm interested. That's kind of neat. He follows a paleo diet, and he's seen each episode of Martin more than a hundred times. Martin? Martin. Martin? Martin. Martin Lawrence.

Martin Lawrence. Oh! Oh, God. Why would you watch it over? Okay, that's, yeah, I mean, he seems like the coolest one so far. Milton, Milton's very forthright about why he's there. He says in his bio. To get his stapler.

He's a hotel recreation supervisor, and he says he wants to be discovered, in quotes, on The Bachelorette. So he's there to be discovered, he's not there to win love. That's his bio, he wants to be discovered on the back. So everyone else gives her a dainty handshake when they get out of the limo, he's gonna go, hello, I'm Milton! Look out world, Milton is here! Here's my headshot. Will, final two.

Let's go with Rob first. Every interview is gonna be cheating to the camera, so what do you think? No, let's go with Will first. What do you think's going on? Hey, the wind machine, just put the wind machine over a little bit. Will's a sales manager who says he's unwilling to be a woman's second choice. Well, you're on The Bachelorette, dog. You're going to be among 20.

What does Will have tattooed on his shoulders? Righteous. It better be his mother's freaking name. Oh, no. And a heart. On the back of his shoulders. Back of his shoulder. It's going to be like...

Shoulders. Shoulders. Okay, so it's an eagle. It's a freaking winged eagle thing. Is it... Probably culturally appropriated, too. Is it a picture or words? It's not words.

So it's a picture? No, it's definitely a cartoon character. Sorry, it's a picture, not words? Yeah, it's not words. How old is he? He's 28. So he got that when he was like 23, 24. Do we know anything else about him?

What did you say? He has Hey Arnold tattooed on his shoulder. That was unwilling to be a woman's second choice. Adam, you're going along the right lines. He has angel wings tattooed on the back of his shoulders. It's good. No one else has that. It's really good.

Just put original. I hope he gets barbed wire around his bicep, because that's another one of them. And Rob, our final guy, he's the smartest of the bunch. He said, one day, you would like to be Superman, because they are both U.S. and aliens. I don't know why. Say that again. You would like to be Superman because they are both US aliens

So he's an immigrant Oh yeah Did he Come to the states illegally That's what his bio says I just read it You know plot twist He's pro wall

You watch It'll come up How great would that be First episode all the guys are just sitting around So what do you think about Trump And what's great is Everyone's going to sit around awkwardly And silently

And then one guy's going to go You know what I think It's probably going to be the guy who asks the question That's the cast of The Bachelorette This is going to be a fun season So it starts Monday? I don't know when the premiere date is I know a lot of you have your preconceived notions about the show

And your hangups about maybe watching The Bachelorette Who's not watching that? Come on, especially after that Can we do this? I would love to do We gotta play on brackets Which we haven't checked in I would like to look at

We should check in on our brackets by the way I wanna do a Bachelor thing There's gotta be a website that'll let us do it for free Kinda like NHL.com A pool You pick a winner Who's your guy? I think it's gotta be Monday

Cause we've been running promos for it on Citi Like over and over and over again I'm very excited for this season man I'm so excited Because here's the thing The women's season The drama's better The guy's season

The douche is better Right? It's like Oh my god You know what I mean? That's a very Yeah That's astute

Yeah Monday, May 22nd That's Monday So it's Monday So if you're in Canada You've got that Monday off Even if there's a hockey game Which there probably will be

PBR it Watch it Because we will be doing an update Nah Yep We'll see We're coming in I might watch hockey

And then not watch Bachelorette I will let you know what happened on The Bachelorette. Can we do Adam's Bachelorette up there? No, no, we all have to watch. Come on, we got to be in on this. We got to be in on this a little bit. Watch the highlights, read the recap, whatever it is. Just be a part of it, okay?

No fun unless everybody partakes. There it is. All right, so we got to go. Especially if you ask one of those guys when you talk about romantic gifts. No fun unless everybody partakes. All I can think of with that Bulgarian guy going, I've watched every episode of Martin. is that part of Eurotrip

where he's like oh Miami Vice number one new show where is the beef nowhere near Berlin sorry I like that movie it is a great movie and completely

somewhat racist in certain parts especially the Italian part oh very much somewhat like every stereotype ever oh oh oh my god yeah yeah

I saw that on my 16th birthday which was 2004 which apparently was in the 50s Feels like it now Hey so thanks so much For listening

That was a good one Tweet us which Bachelor you would like to date Yeah Which one's your favorite Which one's your guy Who's your guy Yeah who's your pick to win

Who's your schlur Who's your schlur Put it on reddit too We'll start a thread there I want to know Who your schlur guy is And I want to know why It's important to know why

Yeah Cause you can't just Pick a guy and go I like the way he smiles Well you can But give me a reason Yeah Not the way he

It's like Is he the Dark horse Are you into threesomes Is that Do you think that is also a romantic? I don't think that's romantic. Do you like guys who get awkward boners in meetings?

Have you also slept with someone else's wife while the husband watched? I don't know if awkward boner is an acceptable show title for Sportsnet.ca. We'll have to come up with a different name. We'll just call it Fred. We found it. We found it. I don't do this voice often. because it's my super serial

we have something very important to talk about voice. On February 23rd, 2017, the world was introduced to the greatest insider in NHL history. His last name is Man because he is the man.

His first name is Smart because he is smart. And his middle name is Insider, because he is on the inside. Yes, I am talking about Smart Insider Man. The man who changed what it means to be an insider, because he is the inside. You can't get more inside than the inside. Take a listen. list of non um verified accounts that have broken anything ever send me a list it'll be very short

the last one i can think of was some guy on hf boards um i want to say in like 2009 or something like that said hey a neighbor had a tip that maybe the leafs were going to sign brett lebda and people people booed him off of the site and i think he basically got like banned and then a month later it turned out to be right and everyone was like oh sorry man sorry man sorry man so randoms are on a bit of a slump since then they're on a bit of a slump since brett lebda and free agency stop tweeting me randoms the worst too with these aggregators and i have a few of them on my Facebook, is that They're not aggregators! They make stuff up!

Well, no. These ones are specifically aggregators. So it'll be like, Elliot Friedman will come on this station. Oh, boy. And he'll be like, well, I think Carolina's gonna trade Ron Hainsey. And then it'll be like, breaking news! Ron Hainsey on the market.

And they won't source it. And that, I mean, I understand that that's a big problem with the internet, but, like, could you be more Well, we linked to it, though. You know good and well no one clicks it. They didn't link to it. Stop it.

They never linked to it. They never linked to it. Oh, maybe we're thinking of different people. I guess it would just, well, probably a different source. Like here, someone goes, oh, this is never going to end. And they send me a rumor break link. Let's see what this says. What's rumor break saying?

Hashtag breaking. First of all, breaking. Breaking has to be actual news, not a rumor. A rumor is not breaking. A rumor is a rumor. Whoa, Leafs and Canes discussing a huge trade Hannafin and Nylander have been brought up Again, comma, just talks

Shut up! If it happens, hey, I'll be the first to be like Y'all should follow Rumor Break But until then, shut your face You know what? From now on, we're doing Rumor Break What Rumor Break is saying today What else is Rumor Break saying? What else is rumor breaking?

Right up until the trade deadline, we were doing rumor break rumors. The more concerning part is all the comments underneath. Wow! Interesting! LOL, disappointing D-man for a proven forward with elite potential. So, Patrick, why are you even humoring this person? Patrick, you know that's not going to happen. Oh, get off Twitter.

Oh, I'm sure. From Mike Fail, Do you come up with these rumors after huffing your own farts? Okay, at least someone gets it. Let's read. Oh, my God. I almost passed out. All right, all right, all right.

Yeah, read some out. Read some out. Oh, man. Oh, man. He says this. I report what I hear. Take it with a grain of salt. We'll try to validate my rumors with others before tweeting it.

Is this NHL. Oh, no. No, NHL underscore rumor break. Oh, NHL rumor breaker. Paul Ranger sides with the Toronto Marlies. That's the last one from NHL rumor maker. You nailed it. I think I might have broke that.

What is it, rumor break? Yeah, rumor break and rumors spelled the wrong American way. The American way. Oh, man. Leafs and Flames have had minor, it's all caps, talks, R.E. Weidman. Per source, Weidman has not been asked to lift his no-movement clause. So, Leafs and Flames have had minor talks. Not talked about often.

Leafs basically traded away Roman Yossi. Traded a second-rounder for Perot, that's Yannick Perot, to Arizona, and Arizona traded it to Nash. Tree trees are my thing! Stay off of my turf! Can I also, from earlier, I guess it's against Winnipeg. Nylander is bad, though. Buds all day. Nylander's celebrations are amazing.

Now, I'm sure he's being sarcastic, but I've got to be honest with you. Are you taking rumors from a guy that writes, Nylander is bad, though? Like if Nick Kiprios wrote, Nylander is bad, though. I don't know if you would take the... Would you take him as seriously? Just everybody. It's some guy. Might be some girl.

It's some person. Some person. 10.6 thousand followers. So, hearing the Flames are quietly shopping, Sam Bennett. He is available. No way! Whoa! That's nuts!

Stop it! Did you know the Leafs and Flames had minor talks with Ree Weidman? Wow! Per source, Weidman has not been asked to lift his no move. Stop it! Stop! Stop! over 10,000

anyway it is fun around this time I'm going to start my own I'm just going to be like smart insider man and I'm just going to start making stuff up and just see how much I get please don't take that

that handle so I can use smart insider man the NHL's number one source of breaking news. And breaking is only spelled with a hashtag in front of it. Smart

Insider Man. Oh, I know. That's so funny. Freeman Times Chris Johnston. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. Plus John Shannon. Do the math. Smart Insider Man.

The most trusted name in NHL news. That's my new thing. I actually have tears. Adam is tired. I'm really tired. Oh my God. Jesse, will you send a follow to Smart Insider Man?

I will not. Why? I am the most trusted name in news. And hey, take everything I say with a grain of salt. Because you never know. It might not happen. It might just be garbage. So hold on.

If you tweet, say, take everything I say with a grain of salt. Sorry, if I tweet or if Smart Insider Man tweets. If smart insider man tweets Take everything with a grain of salt Does that mean don't take it seriously Until it's true and broken by an actual Legitimate source I think this might be garbage

But listen If you throw enough out there Something's gonna be right If you hit on like 5% Of the things you throw out there And you throw out a lot People will remember you for the 5% That's all

Hey you know what I am going to take this with a grain of salt but one time smart insider man called Brett to the Leafs on the hockey boards on HF boards

8 years ago and because of that I am going to go with this smart insider man report rumor break is chopped liver it's all about smart insider man now That should be your bio.

Rumor break is chopped liver. It should be literally that wide. Breaking! There's a new insider on the block, and it's Smart Insider Man. With a mysterious identity. The mayor may not be me. It should be a profile picture of you, like one of those darkened out things. And then a question mark in the middle.

Who is Smart Insider Man? you know what i mean but but it's just it's a picture of me in my room but only i'm cut out yeah the leaf chair is still there in the background and all the toys and pictures of me with people who could ever know the identity of smart insider man we'll never know oh my god we'll never know he has no identity only the truth that is all smart insider man is smart insider man is all over the shattenkirk trade that hasn't happened yet so take it with a grain of salt how how would you how do you categorize your rumors in terms of like uh how how um how close they are to happening oh my goodness so

so how would smart insider man actually like you know sometimes with ecklund for instance yeah he's He's got the E1-5 scale. Yeah. First of all, 1-5 is so old and out. Smart Insider Man has a scale of 1-8. Oh. Which has three more levels of truth. And it's not an E, it's a Sim.

It's a Sim. Smart Insider Man. Sim 1, Sim 2, Sim 3. That's right. And right now, I'm putting Shattenkirk to an NHL team that isn't the Blues at a Sim 6. Which isn't to say it's going to happen. If it was going to happen, it would be a Sim 8. And I don't throw those around flippantly.

You're not just throwing 8s at people. Sim 8s are like, you gotta know. Man, I have the burden of truth on me. You can't just flippantly throw Smart Insider Man 8s around. Smart Insider Man has a reputation. Yeah, absolutely. As an unknown entity on Twitter who won't even put their own face out there. If I hear a rumor from a source that I'm not that trusting of,

I might give it a Sim 1 or Sim 2. Just letting you know that Smart Insider Man heard a thing or two. But that doesn't mean it's going to happen. I mean, we're not talking about a Sim 5 or 6 here. Here's my question. When people create these, and there's tons of them out there, how does no one look at that and go, okay, so this person, this random person,

who doesn't want to be named, and doesn't want to make any money off this really valuable information that companies pay lots of money to have, broadcasters specifically pay lots of money to have on staff, doesn't want any money for it, and all of a sudden has connections with all 30 NHL teams. 31, actually. Adam, I want to know when it became about the money

And not about the truth Smart Insider Man Gets his payment Through informing the public Doesn't need payment I can't wait for this Can you please start this account? Smart Insider Man?

Jesse, can we register Smart Insider Man? We'll get on that He's on it You gotta start an Instagram account too that links Listen, hey, hey You guys are blowing my secret here This has to stay in this room Oh, okay, you're right

You're right It's a good thing we didn't No one can know No one can know About my secret identity Allegedly A smart insider man Okay

So, when we come back We're gonna talk a little bit Friedman, Kiprios You better send a follow to a real insider Insider It's my middle name Smart insider man You better listen up

To this next clip Kevin Durant Yeah, it's Stephen A. Smith Giving sex advice Yeah, that's a thing That happened on Earth Stephen A. Smith Gave sex advice

And we broke it down Take a listen I was going to play you Sex advice from Stephen A. Smith Oh! Do you want to hear that? Yes! but we won't have video for it who cares let's hear it oh my god do we wait till

the next do you want to hear this or people people will find it yeah yes video yes oh yeah Stephen is a Smith was giving sex advice so this clips from a year ago you 69 and things of that nature sir nice he was um Michael based him some man had Stephen a Smith on his like local access show man so he gave sex advice and the clips from a year ago but it's now kind of going viral on Twitter actually it's from two years ago 2015 October let's let's listen to sex advice from steven ice all right it's mingle city sex and i want the ladies to hear this loud and clear

sex is the most important thing in a relationship until it's good then it doesn't matter before you can establish that you have a vibrant, healthy, great sexual relationship with that man, it gets in the way of everything. When you have good sex, when a man is handling his business and doing what he's supposed to do, don't you notice that suddenly her tolerance level is just a little bit more, you know, the arguments, et cetera, et cetera. And it's the same thing. And it's the same thing for guys. I'm going to tell you a story real quickly because I want other guys to get an opportunity especially this man right here i want to hear what you have to say after hearing this girl earlier but i'm just telling you i just i had a girl and you know i'm

me personally i i'm a booty leg i'm a booty leg and hip man to the core you don't have that you it's insulting that you've even approached me okay i had a girlfriend that obviously was stacked kardashian j-lo and we were getting i'm a booty hip and leg man Boobie people, you don't want a problem with me. Kevin Durant, boobie people, you don't want a problem. Kevin Durant is a boobie man. Do you think that's how Stephen A. Smith orders chicken? I am a wing, thigh, and...

If there are any breasts in my chicken, I will send it back. Do you want yellow mustard or Dijon? I'm insulted. You would even ask me that. Frenches all day. Kevin Durant, you do not want a problem with me, Dijon Mustard. Everything Stephen A. Smith talks to, he just becomes Kevin Durant. He brings it back to Kevin Durant.

All right, shall we continue? Yes. Oh, please. Sir, would you like milk or cream? Kevin Durant. Sir. I want to hear what you have to say after hearing this girl earlier. But I'm just telling you, I had a girl, and you know, me personally,

i'm a booty leg i'm a booty legging hip man to the core you don't have that you it's insulting that you've even approached me okay i had a girlfriend that obviously was stacked kardashian j-lo beyonce type stack you know what i'm saying those are not the same and we were getting into an argument a few years ago and she was living in chicago and it was thanksgiving and i was about to send her behind back she ticked me off that much but she had on a lingerie and i was in i I was in I was I was on the other side of the room. And then she got up. You know, she was getting on talking and running her mouth and all this stuff. Then she turned and she walked away. Her body was in the in the bedroom, but the booty was sticking outside.

Stay with me. When I saw that, it's 10 o'clock in the morning. I walked up to her and I said, it's really not that important what we were arguing about. It's not that important because I knew that by that night, because we were going to go out to the family and all that stuff. I knew by the end of that night, I wanted that. See, we were smart enough and wise enough. The difference between us and women is that she might have kept arguing until 10 o'clock that night. I knew that morning, all right, I got to work this out now. And use all of these hours to my advantage if I want to get my hands on that tonight.

That's the difference. That was, wow. He is a much older gentleman than I. That is horrible advice. That's really bad. work on not getting in that argument in the first place and then you'll have way more oh my god here's what I would say

he was the first part I think he was right about because the saying that sex is 90% are we doing this now sex is 10% of the relationship when it's good and 90% when it's bad I think it's true because I've been in both and I can tell you that sex when it's bad is

90% of the relationship Adam and I's relationship was rough until we figured it out until we figured it out Some of that good sex That's right Cause Steve's booty was sticking out of the bedroom While he was in it And I was like I need to get my hands on that

It's so preposterous It's blasphemous Crab Rangoon Things of that nature He is such a cartoon It's unbelievable I hope one day that our fax goes through And we finally get to talk to Stephen A. Smith

I really want I really want to talk to him Faxes are incredible Because one minute The fax is in this room And then the next is in that room Just like the booty I would like to talk to him

I want to ask Stephen A. Smith about Do you eat with a knife and fork What are your thoughts on Harry Potter And the conclusion Did you watch Lost Talk about anything The fork is the height of human achievement He would have

He would have hot takes on life And I think he should do a YouTube series called Hot Takes on Life with Stephen A. Smith which is 30 second clips where he just puts them out every day. He's got a thought. It's something ridiculous. He's talking about a mic stand. He's talking about insulation in his house. Whatever it is

Hot Takes with Stephen A. Smith. Or he wouldn't want to call it Hot Takes. Stephen A. Smith, is it acceptable for an adult man to put ketchup on his hot dog? To me that's preposterous. You hit a certain age

you're able to vote. You're able to serve your country you get a couple years older you can have some alcohol but once you hit that age when you can serve your country you cannot be immature and have ketchup on your hot dog it's un-american and it's wrong you don't want that ketchup with me kevin durant you don't want to eat ketchup with me you don't want to eat ketchup with me you're a grown man anyways you have ketchup on a hot dog before you get drafted but once you do it's down to business you made you made as much sense as he did at the end of that that clip i know again after that after that first part i'm like okay you lost me man i don't know i didn't even know i can't believe i can't believe you

found that yeah i saw it on twitter it's amazing wow and our last clip in the best of is steven's advice through louis ck that you don't really have to do anything ever if you don't really feel like and then stay tuned for after that clip because i'm gonna try and call adam wilde even though he's on vacation and probably won't want to talk i'm gonna call him and i'm whispering because it's a secret and he doesn't know that i'm about to call him i also kind of sound like batman i'm batman when you went to see louis ck yes what did he say about obligations oh you don't actually have to do anything yep you can just you can just say screw it last night i was telling adam this last night i was ready to go to the gym and i was ready to do my favorite things at the gym i like going

to the gym i actually do um and my darling wife convinced me to go to a class a circuits class class class and those can go you know a few different ways sometimes you'll get the motivational teacher who's like you can do it and sometimes you get the teacher who's giving you crap like She's known you for a while. And she's got her mic turned up to 12. Damn it, Janet. And she's always Janet. Friggin' Janet.

There's going to be Janet, a workout teacher, who tweets this. Oh, Brenda, listen. I didn't come for your crap, Brenda. And she's like, first 10 minutes of the class is skipping. And I'm not good at skipping. And I got about two minutes into skipping and failing and whipping myself in the leg. and did you also

nay nay in the leg oh how dare you how dare you excellent I'm not sure I just gave Jesse a high five what you think this is

Jesse how dare you fantastic you put that high five back in your pocket that's not allowed you guys are friends with Brenda

I know she gave us the heads up you walked out I got two minutes into bad yeah into bad skipping and Brenda

alright like she's having personal conversations with everyone over a microphone I you know what I'm 28 years old

This woman's not my boss She's not my mom She's not my wife She's got There's actually no Vested interest In this relationship This isn't important

I don't know her I dropped my skipping rope And walked out of the class In the middle of it You know why? Because it doesn't matter I don't have to I'm an adult

hi you've reached adam wilde obviously can't answer the phone right now but should be in text or an email and i'll get back to you as soon as i can or you can leave a voicemail too at the tone please record your message when you are finished recording you may hang up or press pound for more options hey bitch answer your bitch phone bitch Follow the guys on Twitter at Steve underscore Dangle at Adam W.Y.L.D. and at Jesse Blake. The Steve Dangle podcast brought to you by Panago Pizza. Order at Panago.com and stuff your face with deliciousness.