The Steve Dangle Podcast - The Steve Dangle Podcast - Aug 16, 2016 - Where's Adam & Steve?

Episode Date: August 16, 2016

On this episode, WHL Draft names, Mark Madden, Mike Francesa, FAXING, and Jesse reveals a Podcast secret. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Steve Dangle Adam, can you please start the show? Oh, wait, Adam's not here. My bad. Steve, can you please start the show? Start yelling. Fuck you. Here's a scarf.

Go Nets. Oh, wait, Steve's not here either. Okay, Dangle Navy. Because Steve is away, he's going to be in Amsterdam for a couple weeks. So this week and next week, we won't have new shows. We'll be running these best ofs. And I'm going to be here. producer jesse blake if you didn't know who i was if you don't recognize my voice and fuck you if

you didn't i'm sorry that was so aggressive um i think i'm a little on edge because my parents steve and adam aren't here to protect me i'm a little lonely but but we have these best ofs to keep us both company so first segment whl names probably my favorite segment that we do besides libvidge because those are my people, you know, I gotta respect my libvidgeans. Anyways, WHL names, get into the first clip, and then we'll go into the Jake and Smallwood

mess. Adam's eating kale to prepare. I'm eating some of the people that were drafted in the draft. And I'm drinking your family, Owen. That's funny because one of the kids drafted was C-A-E-L. Kale. Kale. Like,

What the fuck are you doing out there, guys? Can I just be honest with you? We're going to make fun of these names here. I bet you, I bet you we get tweets from people who are like,

this has some significance. My cousins named this and you guys are a bunch of jerks. And you know what? I'll say, you know what? I am a big jerk. I don't care. All right, I'll just run

through some of the names. Just build some damn salad. All right, let's go. We got Jake-in. No, we don't. What? J-A-K-I-M. J-A-K-I-M.

J-A-K-I-M. Jake-in. Okay. Hold on. Are we sure? Is that a Canadian? Yeah, he's drafted. Allow me to ask the question, what's Jakin?

A person. What's Jakin Bacon? They should have just named the fucking kid Bacon. Oh my god. Now, here's what I wonder. This is the first name. Do these kids get made fun of in school? Or do they not because they're all named something fucking good?

They go with a kale. A kale sitting next to Jakin in class. Ah-ha, Jake and fuck you, Kale. You're right. And sitting next to Jake and then Kale is Timber. No! There's a boy named Timber. You're named after a Kesha song.

What's his last name? I only have the first name. Please be Woods. I'll bring it up. I was hoping it'd be Wolf. Timber Wolf. That'd be amazing. Oh, fuck!

Or Lake. Whatever. Or Land. Or Land. I'm into that. I'm good with any of that. Oh, shit. Oh, parents, just the worst.

Okay, by the way, if you name your kid something and it could be a product on the shelf at an organic section of a grocery store, you've done bad. And the parents of these kids are smart and successful enough to afford to put their kids through WHL hockey. Yeah. Like, all the way up to WHL hockey, and they come up with Jakem. There's a jersey. That's just... J-A-J-E-R-Z-Y. Oh!

Oh! Oh, my. That is like a 12-year-old spelling it on a Justin Bieber poster. Are you kidding me? No, you know what Jersey is? You know what some of these names are, the spelling? They're like the lesser-known members of a rap group from the early 2000s. Like, Jersey is definitely a member of D12.

It's true. This is Bizarre Kid! Proof Jersey Jersey is definitely One of the St. Lunatics There's Nellie Murphy Lee Jersey

He's the guy in the video Behind Murphy Lee That's sort of in focus Sort of in focus He's the goofy dude With the mask Yeah Stupid St. Lunatics

Oh my god Oh my god Hey shut the fuck up I love the St. Lunatics I think we should Thank the parents Who decided to name Their child Nathan

Sorry Can we get that spelled, sir? M-E-I T-H-A-N. Are you sure it's not Nathan? Is it just Nathan spelled weird? I think it is. Yeah, I think it is. Nathan? My name's Kayla.

It's spelled G-L-M-X Alright, alright, alright. If we could spell Jesse differently, how would you, how could, could you spell Jesse without a J? It would have to be like a G. It would have to be like a Z-Y, like Yessie, like Yessie? G-Y

G-Y G-Y-S-S-Y Jesse I think you got it No I at the end How do we Nathan Steve's name It has to be a Z T-V

Steven No no Z-D Steve I-E V Steve Steve Can you do Adams?

Now that's Might be a little DM Just DM I think it would be EDM EDM? Adam You could say Adam

Up and Adam Oh what about Up and Adam Atom ETM? ETM? Atom? ATM

Cash ATM ATM It's either electronic dance music Or Or ATM Where you get your money Oh my god

These names These are worse than last year. They're pretty bad. It's like, I bet these aren't real, and the WHL just thinks this shit's funny. It's great promotion for them. No, dude, like, our first guy was Ned Stark. That would be okay. Wembley.

If it was Ned, that's okay. If there was someone named Daenerys in there, I'd be okay with it. Now, is this Dylan? Oh, no. It's D-A-L-L-O-N. D-A-L-L-O-N. Dallin. Is it Dallin?

Yeah, like Fallon. Is this kid's name Dallin? Or is it a weird spelling of Dillam? You don't have the last names of these kids? I have the list of first names. Because we, here's why the last names are important too. There was a Wheaton drafted a few years ago in the WHL. A Wheaton.

Okay. He was drafted by the Brandon Wheat Kings, and his full name was Wheaton King. Do you think I'm fucking with you? That's a thing? Look it up. Look it up. You know, there was also a WHL player a few years ago by the name of Steel, S-T-E-E-L-E, Boomer.

Okay, so Steel, S-T-E-E-L-E is cool, but that's a last name, man. That's not a first name. Steel Boomer. And Boomer's a first name. You got that mixed around. Boomer Steel? Boomer Steel. Steel Boomer is a...

By the way, that is such a porn name. Come on. Part-time hockey player, part-time porn star, part-time transformer. Right? Seriously What Oh my god I just wonder

It's okay don't worry about it Yeah don't worry about it I do need to know If it's Timberwolf though It'd be so great Timberlake Timberland Oh man

Imagine if they had Custom goal songs I'm bringing sexy back Do you guys want to know About Deegan Deegan D-E-E-G-A-N

Deegan Deegan. Deegan. How do you come up with that name, is my question. And to follow that, okay. These aren't pre-existing names, are they? And once you've answered Steve's question, how do you come up with that name, how do you agree on that? Because you assume, in most of these situations, that a couple agrees on this, right?

Two people, two consenting adults, who they may or may not be together, but they created a kid. How did they come together in the hospital room And go, yup Is it Is it that And then their family goes Yeah, I think that's good too Like, does the family not step in

Like, if you're, okay No, because the uncle is Dax And the aunt is Javelin So, okay, me and Caprice Javelin Me and Caprice are having a kid, okay And we name it Javelin

All right We tell you guys Jesse I tell you And I tell Steve this You guys are two of my closest friends You guys are at the hospital Days later And I say

We've named our kid Javelin Because he's long And he's skinny And I like to throw him Across the hall All right Fuck Steve just spit out his water

Very close He literally did a spit take Very very close Because he's long And he's skinny And I throw him Timber's last name by the way Oh no

I have the first and last names now Okay Timber Lewis. Oh, that's not as fun. Nah. That's not as fun. Sounds like, man. So I say the kid's name's Javelin.

Do you not beg me to reconsider? But Adam. I mean, we did do that with Steve, right? We have proof with Iggy that we did kind of say, you know. It was awful, yeah. It's not! You have a very fancy dog. It's also a dog.

A dog is a dog. It's allowed to have whack names. Whack-ass names. It's not a whack ass name If you named your daughter Iggy There'd be a lot of problems Iggy at the dog park Is with 19 Stellas

Because everyone thinks Stella is a cute dog name And a blizzard There are two dogs named Diesel So fuck off Iggy's a decent name But I can see how you guys would fit in There's a dog that's like

Big and black and has these big pointy Scary ears it's name is Bane that's sick it is kind of sick that's freaking sick but you can't tell me Iggy is not good

especially knowing the back story you terrible friends drafted in the 10th round 202nd overall which still isn't that bad by the way because there's like

46 more rounds yeah Portage La Prairie hold on wait he's named after Portage La Prairie

that's a city that's a damn city his name is Portage La Prairie No, it's not. No, it's not. You're fucking with me. He's from Portage-le-Prairie.

That's the city where it's from. Oh. You fuck. Oh, you. I was like, he's named after people putting a canoe on their head. He's named after a portage. Like, that's what a portage is. That's like naming your kid Northwest without the intrigue of the fact that you're Kanye

West. Like, at least people expect it of you, and at the end of the day, you're rich, so fuck you. Do you want to get back to the real name? Yeah, yes. Okay. We can go with Nickshaw. Nick

N-I-C-K-S-H-A So his last name is Shah Nope His first name is Nick Shah How do you spell it? N-I-C-K-S-H-A That feels like it could be a name From somebody like

From like Slovakia or I could see that I could see that That makes phonetic sense From like a Slovak Forgive any Slovaks that listen to this podcast Who think I might be wrong

That'd be great if they all message in, that's a bullshit name. Yeah. We would never name our kids that. I don't know. It just feels like, that feels a little bit more. Tell them Yaroslav. Yeah, exactly. Tell them.

Yeah, exactly. You know, like I could see a Nick Shaw next to Yaromir. What about Killian? How do you spell Killian? K-I-L-L-I-A-N. You know what's just amazing to me, though? What? This isn't just a sample size of here are some of the names in Western Canada.

These are just people drafted into the WHL draft. Right. Like, out of what, 250 people? 300 people? Something like that? Maybe 400 people? And we're coming out with Nickshaw and not Javelin. What was the other one?

Killian? Killian Kecker Olsen. That is a cartoon butler What about Cade Killian What's his last name Cade Olsen Cade Olsen

Defenseman No Now Cade Olsen Has just given himself A bright new future As the newest member Of One Direction I totally agree

I could not agree more with that You're absolutely right He has great flow Who is the He must Namely Cade You gotta He better be a stallion with a name like Taylor.

Cade Olsen wears board shorts in February. Yes. For sure. His jaw is a match. Yes. And I bet girls at his high school hang off of him. They're crawling on him. Cade Olsen doesn't know it, but he just became friends with Taylor Lautner.

Yes. He doesn't know it, but he is. He's friends with him. Yes. He's friends now. And they are equally in shape. Oh, my God. You're so right.

Wow. Cade Olsen definitely wears board shorts and sandals in February. He's a great surfer. Never surfed in his life. Right? Yes. Token, what have I told you? You can play bass guitar. Cade, what have I told you?

Cade, what have I told you? You can surf. Your name is Cade. It's funny, guys. I just found this surfboard in the basement and I don't know what to do. Never seen it before. I don't know what it's doing there. Oh my god. We talked about Kirby last episode.

In the summer, Cade works at Aeropostale. Oh, for sure. Oh, for sure. Shit, I love this game. I forgot how much I love this game. Last episode, we talked about Kirby. Well, there's two Kirbys in the draft.

Not one kid, but there's two kids named Kirby. How do I feel about Kirby? When he scores, does he go... Sorry. You know how Kirby does a happiness above his head, and he just waves his hands in the air? I have expected you to go... I can just imagine

it's the finals of the seventh game and it's like Kirby sucks up a pass from Kate Olsen if the announcers don't say Kirby sucks up a pass

they're missing out Kirby sucks up a pass from DeBricka Shaw Javelin oh my god Any more? Holy shit Kate Olsen is definitely

In the next Expendables And by the way If your last name is Olsen You are not allowed to name your kid Anything that rhymes with Kate Olsen As in Mary Kate Olsen That didn't even occur to me I was too busy thinking about

Aeropostale Honestly, I feel like Cade has a big, long mane of black hair. I mean that. He's probably a stallion. No, he's got the dirty blonde going on. Oh, really? He's a brat? Maybe even a strawberry blonde.

There's a boy named Boston. My neighbor's dog is named Boston. That's rude. That's a good example of a cool dog name that you gave to a child. Boston Billis, a goalie out of Langley, B.C. Boston Billis. That actually does kind of sound like a BC goalie name. Because there's something about BC names that makes me feel like they're a baseball player.

You know what I mean? Yep. Chuck Knobloch couldn't have possibly been a refrigerator repairman. No. He had to play professional baseball. He did. That was his destiny. And what was it?

Dick Trickle had to be a NASCAR driver. Dick Trickle, there was no other... Your name is Dick Trickle. There's no Dick Trickle in accounting. No. No. You're not going to see Mr. Trickle up the street at the library, okay? No, no.

It's Dick Trickle, the freaking driver. That's it. Oh, my God. Did we talk about Caden? Yeah, we did. There's two Cadens. Caden's a little bit more mainstream. I can see that.

Yeah, now. Now it's mainstream. Don't name your kid Caden. Do we go to school with a single Caden? No. All right. I think we have our last one. Like are you

Do Steve's and Adam's Get picked on in school These days Is that what happens You're a regular Steve Oh there's not a thousand Of you

Loser Oh Adam Oh you ate an apple I bet you feel good About yourself Oh Mike Real original Fuck you

Ryan Get out of here Ryan Kashan Kashan How does one spell Kashan K I S

S-H-A-U-M? Keyshawn. Keyshawn. Keyshawn. Keyshawn. Keyshawn, maybe? Keyshawn, maybe? Oh, Keyshawn!

Keyshawn. Like, Keyshawn, I can see. Because Keyshawn's a... That's not how you spell Keyshawn. No. But if you're... But it's Keyshawn. You know, I think there's a trend where people, because of the internet, and I blame a lot

of stuff on the internet, but I think because of Instagram and Facebook and Twitter, it has created this environment where everybody wants everybody else to think that they're the next Albert Einstein of everything. and you see Albert Einstein that's a great first name Albert Einstein Jones yes right

and it's like I'm going to name my kids something different so I can differentiate myself from my friends rather than going what name am I giving my child

to set them up for you know what I bet a shit load you know what I bet a shit load of kids are going to be named in a few years like we're going to start

seeing them in school and maybe even in the WHL Tesla Elon Elon there are going to be Oh no Yeah

Everyone's gonna be an Elon No no But then there's gonna be Too many Elon's So they're gonna get Hip to that And name their kid Musk

Or like Keylong You can't name your kid After what you smell like This is my kid Musk Ox We can also end on Edge Lambert His first name is Edge

His last name is Lambert Okay he's in the wrong Profession He should be a rock star Edge yeah Edge Lambert Finished second at American Idol

Yeah right But that's not a stage name He was born with it Edge Lambert finished second. Oh, for sure. For sure. Edge Lambert is like... And all the girls would love Edge Lambert.

CM Punk's foil. Yeah. Wrong career. Wow. You know what? You know what's been great? When the Leafs have a great draft pick, and the guy that they're going to be after

is one of those names. Edge Lambert... It's going to be hilarious. It's going to be hilarious. So now that we've successfully made fun of everybody in your family who's under the age of 16 and probably has a name like that and you're offended.

Jesse or Steve, do you want to say something before we get to the greatest thing ever that Jesse has... Okay, if you can name all of the members of Sum 41 except for one of them, the remaining guy is Edge Lambert.

You just didn't know it. This whole time you didn't know it. He's the skinny guy in the background that... Oh, for sure. Yeah. Got a tweet. Well, I got lots of tweets from people. And I just kept forgetting

to bring it up on the podcast. Were you a fan of our WHL name segment? I think a lot of you were. A lot of you were tweeting me, except for Polish people. Polish people hated it. And Irish people. They didn't think it was fun. Okay, well, if you don't think that was a little fun, what do you find fun?

What do you find fun? If you say something's not fun, I think you should have to say something you find fun. I got a DM This morning That reminded me To bring this up On the podcast From Montreal, Quebec

Arik Parnas Hope I said your name right That might just be A weird way of saying Eric A-R-I-K Arik

I think it's Arik I don't know Anyway Hey man Love the WHL name episodes But boy did you guys Bury The lead

This year Yeah By not looking at the full names What happened? Well we had a lot Oh do you not know about this, Jess? No.

To this, I know. So there were lots of names. What were some of the names? Javelin was not one of them. Javelin was not one. That was a fake one. But I believe we had a jersey. We had,

I don't think there was a kale this year. There was a kale in the previous year. One of the names that frustrated me was Jakin. Yes. J-A-K-I-N. Jakin.

Oh, I saw this. Well, for those of you who haven't seen it Remember, I was going, man, we should really look up the full names of some of these guys Yeah We got the crown jewel, ladies and gentlemen Stop the contest, we can't even do it next year It's done What were this guy's parents thinking?

From Leduc, Alberta, Canada Born New Year's Day 2001 Because we're old as shit Yep Wow Jakin Smallwood

His name is Jakin Smallwood His name is One letter away from Jakin Smallwood I'm surprised you came out and said it I thought you were just going to infer Jack and Smallwood Adam

Welcome to my life We don't even know for sure it's Jake and by the way So oh I met your son Jake And he's very nice actually it's Jack and Like do you think they cut you off Actually it's Jack and Is it Yakim maybe

His name is Jack and Smallwood man Smallwood's a rough go to begin with We should try and contact his parents Let's see what they're up to Hey, so, what the fuck? Just start the conversation with that. What the fuck are you thinking? Watch him become like the next Ovechkin.

And we're like, and we have him on the show and he's like, I heard what you said about my name. I heard what you said. And he's like, I forgive you. I get it. Yeah. I haven't forgiven my parents either. Joining us right now on the phone is the one and only, and this is for real, Jacob Smallwood.

Welcome to the show, man. thank you thank you uh so hey man how do you want to start this see how do you where do we want to go uh so i heard you listened to our show um i got a tweet from someone who i believe is your sister yeah and she sent a video of you listening to the segment where i scream your name followed By Jack and Smallwood Many times And my wife saw this tweet And she pointed out that

You are 15 and I am a huge bully I feel terrible dude I hope it's all good with you Yeah it's fine I found it pretty funny Well that's good When you do make the NHL It's completely okay to ignore us all

So we will totally understand at that point. I think he knew that. Okay. But for the meantime, Jakin, first off, should we talk about the fact that you are 15 years old and you're in the WHL and maybe should be in class right now, which, come on. Well, it's not that important.

Well, it's kind of important, but... It's June, right? I'm going to school. Yeah. And you were drafted to what team? The Moose Jaw Warriors. Okay, so did you grow up in Edmonton? Just outside of Edmonton, in Leduc.

All right. Okay. What position do you play? I am a centerman. Okay. So you are going to go to Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan next year? Yep. How do you feel about that?

I feel pretty good. They just had a spring camp, and they signed me, so that's a good thing. It's a good start. Amazing. What are your living arrangements going to be? Because this is going to be a total changeover for you. You've gone from living at home. Sometimes families move, but most of the time it's billeted, right?

Yeah, I'll most likely billet out a family out in Mooshaw. Are you scared about that at all? You know what, it's definitely going to be different, but you've just got to adjust to it. He's already got the hockey player down. You're good, you're good. No, it doesn't matter, we're going to have a solid team. Hey, Jacob

What are your parents named? My dad is named Ron And my mom is Sabine Okay Okay Yeah And your sister's name? Just so I

Because I didn't talk to her Natasha Natasha And your brother Who I think shot the video? Yeah You wanted all credit for that Wait, what's his name?

Jordan Jordan Jordan So Have you ever heard the story of how your parents landed on Jakin? Well, I think it's a biblical name.

It comes from the Bible. That's why we've never heard it before. Sorry, not a religious bunch. Sorry, from the Bible. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. It's like a pillar or something or I'm not sure.

Okay. And it's good because I'm sure no one has ever given you a hard time up until you listened to this podcast about it, right? Um, no, I, I always sit, uh, first day of school, I'm sitting at my desk and I'm just waiting for my name to be called out, sitting there quietly. And then my name gets called out.

Of course they say Jack and, but yeah, yeah, I don't really care anymore. I've heard it so much. Well, and I feel like a piece of card. And to that point, I mean, can you tell us just how, what a terrible person Steve Dangle is? Can you speak to, from personal experience, your experience with Steve, being the butt end of Steve's joke, and being basically bullied by a grown man? How did that feel?

Horrible. You know what's hilarious, though? Not his name, Adam. What's hilarious is that Jacob could walk in this studio right now and probably beat us all up. Oh, guaranteed. Yeah? Yeah, but you're being a class act about this, buddy. And you know what?

He's being very WHL about this. Yeah. I want to know, too, going into next season, is there any sort of, you seem pretty calm and cool and collected, which is good. Which, by the way, if I was moving to Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan

at 15 years old, I don't know that I would be. Not that there's anything wrong with Moose Jaw, but that's a big step for somebody that didn't grow up there, right? That's a big step to move and be away from your family at 15 years old. Yeah, for sure. Is there anything going into next season that you feel like,

I mean, you're talking about going to a new high school. You're talking about, and I'm not trying to freak you out here, you're talking about living with new people under new rules. Are you sure you're ready for that? Is that what you want? Yeah, yeah. I mean, this is how I want to get to the next step, so whatever it takes, I'll do it.

You want to be in the NHL one day? Yeah, for sure. Do you think you can do it? If I put in the work, yeah. I think I could possibly do it. Hell yeah. So you're pretty sick. Do you play NHL 16 online?

No, I don't. Oh, my God. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Man, I was just going to say, what's your team looking like online? But I guess we can't ask. If you were then, if you were to play, If you were to

Shoot out If you're going to do a shoot out With one goalie Like you're going to go One on one with a goalie Okay In real life In real life

Not in NHL 16 Not in the world that I exist Yes What move are you going to pull What's the What's the Jake and Smallwood Like move That ends the game

In the shoot out Oh it's definitely The backhand toe drag Top shelf Top cheese I like it Who was your favorite team Growing up

Toronto Maple Leafs Yeah There you go How does that happen? Wow. How does that happen? Well, yeah, I have a lot of family down there. Okay.

Yeah. My dad's a big fan, and it carried down to me. Well, tell your dad he made the right choice. Yeah. And congratulations, you did too. And, you know, I want to, it's funny because Edmonton and Toronto, I think, have a lot in common when it comes to hockey because neither team wins very much. True.

You know, I mean Were you the only Leafs fan In a sea of Oilers fans? Yes I mean The Leafs would come down Actually It was pretty even

I mean, the Leafs would come down And I'd watch their game At Rexall Place And there was quite a bit of Leafs I'm not going to lie Which is surprising Did you Did you happen to go to the game

A couple of Octobers ago When Reimer got the shutout The Leafs won 4-0? Yes Yes Oh, you were there? We were in the same building Wow

Really? I was in the same building as Jake and Smallwood Future Leafs draft pick Kismet Kismet my friends Jake and is your hockey name Smallsy? Yes

Are you looking him up on Twitter right now? No Funny you should ask that Jesse just asked you on Twitter He's only got 64 followers I think that might increase after the show That's gonna change Okay well

It's underscore Well at Underscore Smallsy S-M-A-L-L-Z 8 At And he is a legend

That's a great Mimico name Jakin Do you know If you can Can you buy You can buy Moose Jaw At Jerseys right Yeah

Yeah they have They have a place In their arena That you can buy Everything pretty much Probably an online store What's your number My number

Yeah 780 No no no No no no Damn you are way too nice man Typical Albert And just super nice Yeah

You're gonna fit in So well in Saskatchewan dude Yeah Oh my gosh No no Your jersey number Yeah buddy My hockey number

Yeah My number is 8 Alright Number 8 Alright I am gonna be Not only gonna be watching for you I'm gonna buy a

Jake and Smallwood jersey If we send it I'm not a fan He's gonna make the team first though Oh He's on the team He's on They drafted him

They signed him If we send it out to you Will you sign the jersey And send it back Most likely yes Most likely Well he's 15 You gotta remember

there's other things that may be a priority at this moment. Yeah, like, school! What's your NHL draft year? 2019, I think. Okay.

Jesus. It's gonna happen. And if there was a team that you could go to, would it be the Toronto Maple Leafs? Would you want that kind of pressure? Yes. That'd be awesome

to go to Toronto Maple Leafs. Amazing. But, here, just to save him, it'd be awesome to go to any of the other 29 teams, right? Yeah, yeah, for sure.

But it would be awesomer to go to the Leafs. Yeah. Okay. Correct. Just throwing that out there. So to everyone else out there who's listening, Jakin is happy to be your silver medal. Well, I guess you would be his silver medal.

Yeah, that's right. Jakin, dude, you seem like a really well-adjusted, good guy. Not jerk, not deserving of being picked on at all. Don't become one of us, okay? Life's gonna come at you And it's gonna come fast and hard at times And I just want you to not Warp yourselves into what the Steve Dangle

Podcast has become I want you to continue being you We are big fans of yours And we are wishing you nothing but luck And I honestly Hope to see you in not only just an NHL game Someday, full NHL seasons And with Stanley Cup rings, dude

Thank you very much And WHL rings too, damn it Some WHL rings too and all the other ones too. He's going to get it. Jakin, thank you for being such a good sport, dude. You're a good dude. Thanks for having me on.

All right, man. Go enjoy class. Take care. Can you say... I don't even talk about that. No. Here, one... Can you do me a favor,

even though I was such a jerk to you? Can you say, this is Jakin Smallwood and you're listening to the Steve Dangle podcast? This is Jakin Smallwood and you're listening to the Steve Dango podcast. About a month back, Adam was away and me and Steve just did the podcast.

If you listened, you remember. If you didn't, why didn't you listen? Go back and listen, brah. I'm sorry. I'm getting really aggressive again. Anyways, Steve was like, I have to tell you these fireworks stories and they're incredible.

It involves Roman candles. Take a listen. I'll let Steve tell it. You have fireworks stories before we have to wrap things up. Yes, America Day and Canada Day have both passed. But I just saw some things And I thought you would like these stories

I don't know if I've ever told them Please tell me if I have Let's go to I've been dating SL For like two or three weeks We're traveling back in time No it's about a month It's Victoria Day

In Canada What's that in the states? Veterans Day? Memorial Day? One or the other I don't want to say the wrong thing One of those ones. I think it's Memorial Day. I don't know.

And we're firing off fireworks in a park nearby where I live in Scarborough. Had to burp. And so a few of my friends were arriving late because some of us partook in some of that underage drinking at the time. I was 19. I had just turned 19. But a few of my friends, not so much. So they had partook. uh so we're like close to running out of fireworks before they arrive okay so i'm like okay you know

what we gotta still have fireworks going on when these guys get here so we go across the street for those of you who can picture the neighborhood we go to sugar plaza in east scarborough we went to the sugar convenience store um to buy fireworks and i bought $30 worth of fireworks when I was 19 that was so much money that's your life savings life savings and for some reason the only people that went to the store were me and my friend's little sister not all my buddies who were over in the park which would have been great yeah it's just me and my friend's little sister and we're just talking when I go to buy the fireworks and we Go to walk back

And if you can picture the neighborhood If you're from there Go walking by the KFC I'm trying to paint a picture here okay So we're walking out of the plaza There's a KFC at the end of it And it's dark Cause it's night

And behind me As I'm holding my little My little plastic bag of fireworks I just hear Drop it And I go Ah that's not good I turn around

There's 20 dudes With bandanas covering their face This is a movie I just This is in East Scarborough East Scarborough, it made the news It made the news, drop it And I had never been

Mugged before, so I just kinda I looked at them all and I was like So I'm eyeing them Up and down, right? And even though they're wearing bandanas I'm looking at a few of you, like Or a few of them, like, you Fucking, I went to high school With you, asshole

I graduated less than a year ago you're not some tough mugger no and they were like 16 I was like okay what grade were they and that's why I wasn't that scared because I'm like okay you're all I know there's like 20 of you but like you're 16 like you guys are idiots I know who you are

fuck off so I no I didn't say any of those things what I instead said was and I don't know why this was what I decided to come up with I just went no and so I turned around and I just kept walking i'm right by the road i'm right by lawrence road um so like well visible so i'm like i'm probably fine right all of a sudden behind me i hear i'm like oh what the fuck is that

that one of them one of these motherfuckers runs out of the their pack with a roman candle lit and he just starts lighting me the fuck up no just shooting at me to get me to drop the fireworks because are you running at this point well I'm trying to dodge like I'm you know not standing still yeah and so I don't

know my instincts just kicked in and I tried to I tried to punch the guy I ran at the guy and he goes are you stupid and I was like and I was trying to punch the guy and I'm getting close to him but like I mean he's obviously trying to dodge me not to he's holding it in his right hand just fucking clobbers me right um on my left temple oh no so close to my eye it singed my eyebrows it singed my hair i had like a semi oh god i went

and got my haircut two weeks later and uh like mid haircut the guy's like what the fuck happened to your head man at jingles by the way if you're from the neighborhood he's like what the fuck up in your head i'm like oh oh yeah about that so at that after that i turned around so you're fighting off a guy with a roman candle so stupid with a bag of fireworks in your in your hand so stupid um and well it's not like they were lit but imagine imagine he goes for your fireworks and he lights them and you explode and you catch on fire it's a whole different story wow i hadn't actually thought of that that's the first thing in my mind when you said somebody lit something I'm like, is he going to go for your fireworks?

Shit, I didn't even think of that. That's death. Fuck, I didn't even, that was, wow. That would have been real bad. You'd lose a ham there. Anyways. Yeah, maybe, maybe, anyway. So, lights me up, and I know there's only a certain amount of rounds in a Roman candle,

so I turn around, so two or three into my back, and then all of a sudden all that stops. And I don't know why I did this, but it was one of the most badass moments of my life. so i have my back to them i'm the most hopping mad i've ever fucking been my jacket is literally smoking and on fire and i just turned around and went like i just screamed as loud as i could and they all they took off oh wow actually they took off that's that bear thing where it's like look larger than the bear oh yeah i was so mad so mad Oh my god And I just went back across the road

And they're like hey we heard you screaming What happened there I was like you didn't fucking see that You didn't fucking see the fireworks You dicks So I go home that night And my dad gets up early for work So I'm like

Okay this is bad news So I just write a note And I leave it in the bathroom Because obviously he's going to go there first I just go wake me up Before you go to work I have something to tell you Wake me up before you go, go.

Sorry. And I think I left my jacket in the bathroom, too, which at this point is just a zipper. Because it's been burned to smithereens. It's been burned. And the reason I did that, by the way, guys, and I think a lot of people listening will sympathize, I just wanted to go to bed. And if my dad found out, it would have been us driving around the neighborhood with baseball bats and hockey. literally baseball bats and hockey sticks

I know that feeling and I'm just like no no thanks but anyway so we get up early and we see the story on I think it was on City TV about these kids having Roman candle wars with each other and I thought it was them but it was it was in a different neighborhood of Scarborough further west

and so I we emailed them and I go hey I sent them like pictures of my face my jacket I go yeah these guys tried to mug me with fireworks and so they actually came and I was on the news oh wow in late May 2007

I think you can still find the story okay but I can't find the video and the interview was so stupid I was like fireworks are fun

stupid people aren't PSA from Steve Glenn two years later two or three years later I'm walking with my buddy down the street same street? no

no no no this is like Medavail or something like that We're going home from Amigos Which is the bar that we basically kept open While we were in university And

This car rolls up Next to us The windows roll down We see hands stick out of the window And I'm like yo this is bad They're about to light you up Funny you should say that Jesse Because here's what we hear

Get lit up You're in a biggie drive through Fucking two guys They lit us up with Roman candles that hit a Roman candle drive-by. Again, burn my foot, burn my butt. Like, fuck, they hurt, man. Oh, yeah, it's fire. You ever get hit with a Roman candle?

No, but it's fire. It's fire. It is fire. It hurts. It hurts. The impact doesn't hurt. The burning hurts. So we get, we get, we got lit up. We got fucking drive-by. You were in a drive-by like Tupac. Yeah.

Yeah, well, and that's, that's how I described the part of Scarborough. I don't know, Tupac got in the studio. Biggie. Sorry. I had to get that right. That's how I describe the part of Scarborough I grew up in. It was rough enough that I was involved in a mugging and a drive-by. It's nice enough that they were fireworks. And not guns. Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah. So, anyway. Fuck, man. My buddy who I was with, who we got lit up together. Which could mean a whole different thing. I know. I know you got to go to work. I'll try to be quicker with these.

but his dad was a cop. Okay. But this was during G20. So his dad is overwrought. Oh, so this isn't that long ago. No. Yeah, G20 wasn't like too long. No, no, no.

And so, you know, the cops, they basically don't let them sleep during events like those, which is not a good way to run things, I don't think, because I feel like you want cops to be... It's like doctors when they run them on like three-hour shifts in the emergency room.

Yeah, I kind of want my doctors to be well-rested. Yeah. So anyway, we call him up, like, drunk, you know, telling him what happened. I don't know why we did that. Because you're drunk. I think, oh, we wanted a ride home, I think. And we weren't even that far away. I'm going to just call my dad.

It was the stupidest thing. But we're like, oh, fuck, man, my foot. So anyway, he just tears a strip off my friend, basically, because he's like, these are, like, the four hours I get to sleep, and you call me with this shit? And we were like, oh, okay. It was hung up. So we ended up, we called the non-emergency line for the police. So we got a ride home and in the back of a cop car, but really, but I was such a, I was

such an idiot that I was putting my hands behind my back on purpose in the back of a cop car to see what it was like. And I'm like, man, this is like not comfortable at all. This was like, actually, yeah, this is like a really tight space. And the cop in the front seat just goes, yeah, it's for bad guys. Was that the first time you ever rode in the back of a cop car? First and only, thank God. First and only, thank God.

No, I got a talking to from the cops one time when I was in grade 8. But that's a whole other story. Basically, okay, I'll be real quick on this one. These six kids who were in grade 10 And in the local high school Came to my elementary school To beat up an 8th grader Oh no

And they just showed up in the middle of the yard And we see them surround our friend And we're all like well there's like 30 of us So run We just beat up all these grades Nice Fuck you if you're coming to elementary school To beat up a little kid

One more fireworks story And this is why Did you get lit up again? Well no As the years passed I couldn't get too mad At those kids Well I mean

They tried to hurt me So that's different That's fucked up But in grade 7 We came up with the idea We're like Let's have Roman Candle fights And so we basically

Played laser tag With Roman Candle What is wrong with you people At Scarborough? And so the next year It was either the next year In grade 8 Or like

It was like a Victoria Day Canada Day gap Sort of thing A couple months we decided to next level it it was me and my buddy Jose and

girls hung out with us god knows why because you're idiots well and we would like give them rides places on our bike handles oh well there you go because you know bikes

yeah like an NERD video we came up with the brilliant idea to have to ride our bikes and have have the girls

hold their own candles oh we basically jousted oh my god you guys are idiots who gave you fire to play with i don't know and joust with no i don't know but the poor girl who was on my bike handles her name was newberg ended well right in the middle of her forehead Obviously we stopped playing then But it bounced right off Again another bullet dodged Like luckily nothing happened

I guess what I'm trying to say is You are so close to death Don't play with fireworks you idiots Forget death I could have lost an eye My buddy Jose could have lost an eye Who knows he might have Any of the girls on the bike

And then you get sued Cause it's your bike and your candles I assume Well yeah And those parents are suing you, and your parents get involved, and it's a whole mess, and your entire life is changed. And the guilt of hurting your friend. Like, I mean, or getting your friend hurt, or putting them in a dumb situation. Or you mugged someone. You know?

Oh, that was the other thing. So, we obviously tell the police, we're like, so, these guys tried to mug us. But they couldn't get the guy, because I didn't know who the guy was who lit me up. I could only point out a few of the other people who were there. They were like, well, did they just stand there? I'm like, yeah. They're like, well, we can't do anything. And the worst we could do is ask them who it was and they're not going to tell us.

I feel like police don't want to get involved in these little kids squabbles. You know? It feels like a parenting thing. Well, yeah, but like there's also... Cops... There's also... Like, they can't just be like, you were there. You're arrested.

Yeah. Like, you know, so I think they've been through enough experiences where they go, okay, so here's how this is going to end. And it's going to end with nothing. So moral of the story, Steve was an idiot from ages, I don't know, 8 to 26. And now you're okay. Wait a sec. Wait a sec. I was the victim in most of those stories.

Now, Steve, you put yourself in these situations. Wow. Maybe if you were A little smarter You wouldn't have Gotten yourself Almost mugged With Roman canvas

Wow I'm just saying Grow up a little Steve I wanted to Shoot some fireworks When I was 19 And instead

Grow up My jacket guppered I should go Pick that jacket up I think it's still in evidence Do you still have The burn jacket No I think it's in evidence

Oh in evidence What Yeah Oh, wow. With the cops, and they probably threw it. You could pick up evidence? I don't know.

I mean, not after nine years. Like, I'm sure it's gone. Yeah. I remember this episode because we had to record the podcast at the old Fan 590 studios because our regular studio was being used. So we're in there,

and it's the day after or the day of the P.K. Subban trade, and Steve is just ready to go, and I left the room, and I came back, and he was still going off on P.K., and it's one of our most listened to episodes ever and the rant is just glorious and one of the greatest things I've ever heard take a listen the Habs traded PK Subban to the Nashville

Predators in exchange for Shea Weber what what and uh I got news for you anyone from the Habs listening because I know they're listening to all kinds of stuff about the PK Subban trade you're nuts you're crazy you're stupid I have no idea what the hell you were thinking what the hell you were doing. If you had problems with who P.K. Subban was, what his personality was, if any of his teammates did, trade him. Ship him out of town. Drive him to the airport yourself. If it's David Desjardins, who the hell are you? You're David Desjardins. If it's Andre Markov, who the hell are you? You're Andre Markov. If it's anyone save Carey Price, who the hell are you? I will kick you down the stairs to get pk suban's coffee order he's a superstar in this league who are you you

pleb you bum here's a quote it was going around twitter and i'm not killing the guy who said it uh it's just uh i don't think this guy was criticizing suban he's just saying the prevailing narrative jesse has left and come back in the time that i've been screaming about this the quote is pk was branding himself as pk 76 and not as pk of the habs the feeling was pk was using the Habs to increase his own brand. No kidding. What business is this? What business is this? Are you all new? Is Michelle Terrian new? Is Mark Bergevin new? Is Jeff Molson new? It's hockey. It's sports. Yeah, he was using the Habs to propel his own brand. No kidding. He was doing all kinds of stuff away from the, because why not? Why not? There was,

I've been waiting to go on this rant for a long time because I've been so sick of the Planet P.K. bullcrap. All this stuff about... I realize I'm yelling into people's cars right now. I really don't care. I don't care. All this stuff about, oh, it's all about him and that donation was all about him.

First of all, it's a donation of $10 million. Who really gives a damn about his motives? I don't care if it was taxes. I don't care if it was to make him look like a good guy. He gave kids, sick kids, $10 million. Who cares? But I have worked with P.K. In a way, I've spoken to him in a way

That a lot of reporters, a lot of insiders haven't gotten to see I got to do stuff with him with Nike That was in 2011, we did long interviews for Nike commercials He was a Nike athlete, I don't know if he still is, I think so And I did that a few times with him I did some stuff with Samsung, I really hope I don't get into trouble for any of this And that was last year at the NHL Awards in Vegas The reason brands want to work with PK

Isn't just because of his hustle And this guy does work hard on the ice. You see him play on the ice. You see him work out off the ice. He hustles as an athlete. But as a businessman, just because other people can't keep up with him doesn't mean we should care about their jealousy. And the reason brands want to work with Pique is because he is one of maybe five or six players

in this entire hockey league who can form a sentence that's marginally appealing. That's the only reason It's unbelievable He gets up He talks to everybody He remembers people he hasn't seen in six months That he's only met once He tries to make everyone's job easier

He's not a diva He doesn't request red M&Ms He's P.K. Subban He's a delight to everyone who works with him Everyone is giddy when they're around So all this stuff about He had to be traded Man

if you're having hard times with a guy in your second line or something you you trade that guy you have a hard time with like a second pairing defenseman who's pretty good yeah okay you look at trading that guy this is a superstar in this league i don't get it i don't get it oh yeah there are two other people on the show uh hi guys hey steve anything else to say do you need a hug No, I don't need a hug I'm a Leaf fan This is a great day for me This is a great day for me

Because You should be celebrating this Oh The Leafs are in a division With a bunch of clown cars It's hilarious Tampa Bay Lightning Florida Panthers

And who? Who am I afraid of? The Sens? They're a gong show on a good day And they have an internal cap The Detroit Red Wings, they're going to spend a ton of money in free agency. A lot of it's going to end up being a mistake, I bet. A lot of their best players are going downhill.

And they're not exactly rich in prospects. They have a few, okay? The Bruins, they're heading downhill in a hurry. Who have I forgotten? Oh, the Buffalo Sabres. The Sabres, I'm afraid of. That's about it. And they're not even good yet.

They're going to be. they might make the playoffs this year simply because the atlantic sucks one of the best things about this was that steve and justin are in a soundproof booth can you hear me and i walked outside and i could hear steve yelling down the hall it was glorious so in this clip you'll get one of our most quotable quotes from the podcast it's no the facts i'm sorry i'm not steve i can't do it like him anyways so this is me trying to i successfully did send a fax to espn and then adam and steve going off on the whole process behind that take a listen done i hate when people say take a listen here's the clip take a listen generic radio guy saying radio sting boom

so adam wilde told me to get stephen a smith on our radio show oh yeah Now why did I tell you Because Stephen A. Smith Had to apologize To the entire nation Of Canada After he said We had no chance

Against the Cavs And now it's 2-2 And he sure was upset About having to bring His passport north again Oh I have to go Through customs And as long as we're

Talking about self-absorbed Jerks When Jesse said that I thought he was Talking about this show Oh Well that would've been Great too

You know Our sports show No no It would've made sense He wouldn't come on A sports show. Anyways, so I looked into it, got in touch with the ESPN PR, emailed them. They emailed me back.

You emailed them? I did. Oh, okay. That makes sense. That makes a lot of sense. So they replied via email. That's cool. Oh, okay, good.

It's always nice to get an email. Yeah, I agree. They told me that if I want to put in a radio request, I have to send them a fax. Sorry, can you... All right, first off... Oh, I skipped a part of the story where I traveled back in time in my time machine that I own. I was just going to ask. Yeah, what year was it when you went back?

1991. Cool. Okay, so again, repeat for everybody what it is you had to do to get an interview request for radio put through for ESPN. So, the biggest sports company on planet Earth asked me to send them a fax in 2016. Now, Steve, what is ESPN's tagline? Do you know it? I love faxes. It's the worldwide leader in...

Know the facts! That should be the name of Stephen A. Smith's new show, The Facts. Oh, my God. We did it. Wow. We can just stop now. We're done. High point.

Costanza. Table flipped. It's over. It's over. That was a bat, Adam. That was a bat. Steve just bat flipped, Rangers fans. Don't come at him with your fastballs.

Oh, we're continuing? We reached peak shell Yeah, that's true I should have just cut it off there Segment boom commercials, let's go Know the facts is the best thing we will say on this show Oh yeah Tell them Skip

So the actual tagline is the worldwide leader in sports Oh, okay Now imagine if you are the worldwide leader in sports The amount of requests from various radio stations Probably some of your own because they have many, many radio stations with the ESPN moniker, whether they're owned by their parent company

or not, most of them are not. They just buy the brand and license it. Imagine the amount of requests that you would get for top ESPN personalities. And like it or not, Stephen A. Smith is right at the top of that pyramid. Oh, yeah. What about Skip Bayless?

He doesn't work there anymore. Oh, yeah. He went to Fox Sports 1. I suppose that's a good point. That's never been said on ESPN. Which would never be said yet. Never Adam looked at me like

See that's why they have it Because that's why they fight each other like that Because if you agree then it's over Right That's why you keep going with oh yeah Anyway Oh yeah Imagine if we could never agree

Oh my god Well that's how they build the shows That's how they do it Alright so So, again, back to the fax machine thing. Can you imagine the person, and I imagine, I would hope that they pay for someone. It's not like that minor league baseball team we were talking about that has seven jobs for one intern. You are the mailman.

Also, you do the on-air announcing. Also, you cut the grass in the field. Also, you clean the toilets, make pancakes for the players, that sort of thing. That means there's a room with a fax machine in it, possibly multiple fax machines, because what happens if fax machines, what do they do? They break down. As a rule. Oh my goodness!

This thing is a suck! Can you imagine? There's just, they have that guy, and he's trying to fix all of the world's sports leader, or whatever the hell they're called. The Know the Facts Network. Monitoring the three facts machines for the Know the Facts Network. I was thinking- Imagine you were that guy!

Imagine they're- What's the proper term? I guess ecological footprint? Oh my goodness. They are single-handedly responsible For all of the All the rainforest Deforestation

That's ESPN My fax confirmation Came back in like half an hour So I was pretty impressed I am impressed by that And how did they respond, Jesse? They responded via email What is this silly

Nervous Hold on No I didn't even know that Yeah They responded My good friend Diane Who I'm now good friends with

What's up, Diane She responded to me After I guess they got the fax confirmation, she was attached to two other people, so three people had to verify and tell me that Stephen A. Smith is a little too busy to do radio requests

right now. That is understandable. That's fine. I get that. Stephen A. Smith should be busy. You know how quickly you could have found that information out without faxing? I mean, now you know how to send a fax. I learned today for the first time. I'm going to YouTube a few

courses. I want to learn Morse code. I don't even know how. I don't even know how to send a fax. No. I don't know if you'll ever need to do that again. This might be the last time. The one and only time.

It'll say ESPN. Like, you don't even need a fax to get government papers done anymore. All you have to do is download the camera scan app and it fake scans for you. That's what I do.

Same. Same. I was at a Marley's game a few weeks ago, a couple weeks ago, and I forgot to bring my press pass, like an idiot.

Right. I just forgot. Okay. It happens. Yeah. And so, talked to someone there. Nice lady.

She's like alright Okay I'll take care of that for you Comes back to me a couple minutes later Alright I sent the email I go what sorry what I emailed who I had to email And they're looking into it I'm like can you call them

No no no it's against policy What Sorry what So I sat there for like half an hour I missed like most of the first period I'm like pick up the phone I'll walk down the hall It's Rico Coliseum it's not that big

Can I walk to Can a security guard Make sure that I don't Steal a seat It's against policy To make a phone call Oh it was driving me nuts I'm that old man

Screaming at a cloud Just use your phone It's called a phone Just use it for what it's for There are times Where I can't stand Text messaging people I'd rather call them

Yeah All the time If I want something done Right away I call them Like it's a super novel concept Yeah Hey hey cool Need this done

Boom bye bye later Like if I need to Explain something to Jesse Or Steve I call them See a couple weeks pass, and now I'm that jerk complaining about the Marlies. There you go. Now I'm that hoity-toity media person going,

oh! Them and their minor league ways. How dare they? Did you get into the locker room, Steve? When you wanted to? No. I bet you didn't. I bet you didn't. The Pope also didn't make me onion rings at halftime.

Or whatever other... I was expecting that, too. Goofy requests were made. I have no idea what you guys are talking about, but that's good. I also didn't see the dog driving the Zamboni. They promised that. What the hell are you guys talking about?

Anyway. The pineapple dancing in the tutu? That never happened. I just thought everybody should know that somewhere there is a person

in Bristol, Connecticut in Bristol, Connecticut with at least one maybe three or four you would hope backup fax machines going through the fax requests

every single day. That's their job. They live in Bristol. This goes through Bristol, Connecticut? Yeah, that's where ESPN's headquarters are randomly.

I don't know there's a whole no it's in between New York and Boston oh that makes sense and like the whole east coast and it's close enough to New York

so yeah apparently the ESPN book by the way is amazing and there's some like really great insights on you know the start of Chris Berman and Aaron Andrews career

and that sort of thing I don't know how accurate it is but apparently it's very entertaining is it as good as the Sportsnet book it is definitely not which has not been published yet

but I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait for the dirty gossip on Steve Daniels it's not as good as Sportsnet magazine oh Oh, now there's a tie-in.

There we go. So to end it, we got our two favorite radio people in the world, not Steve Dangle and Adam Wilde. I'm talking Mark Madden, Mike Francesa, two of their best ever clips in one. In one. Can you believe we did that one time? Well, we did, and here it is.

Take a listen. I said take a listen again, and I hate myself a little more. Do we play this first or Mike Francesa first? because Jesse is so hot and bothered about this Mark Madden clip. It's better than anything Francesa's ever said. Wow! So we've got to go with Francesa first.

All right, well, the thing, the reason I wanted to go with, with, uh, with Thing is because I believe it has something to do with the World Cup. But it's okay, we'll come back to it. Oh, okay. No, it calls out Steve personally.

He says, Steve Dangle? What? Maybe we should just hold off. We should hold off. No, he doesn't. If that was your child in the... All right.

Now, this is what Mike had to say. What a tease. Jesse, you do hang out with Adam every day, huh? Oh, my goodness. This is what Mike Francesa had to say about the gorilla incident. Oh, so I on purpose didn't listen to this because the headline said, Mike Francesa talks about a gorilla. People are more worried about the gorilla than the kid.

That is the... god bless rn's fun house people are more worried about the gorilla than the kid all right here we go can you imagine if that was your child in there you're gonna have people who are gonna say wait a second i'm worried about the gorilla when your kid's in there basically maybe seconds from having his head crushed we live in a world now where you are gonna be more concerned with a gorilla than you are the little boy? What's wrong with you people? They're thinking about him. He fell into

an area where he's in there with a gorilla who is dragging him around the habitat and you're telling me you're worried about the gorilla's welfare? What is wrong with you? Now, no matter

where you stand on this debate. Do we get into the gorilla? No. Because the only answer is The zoo should not have allowed For a freaking three year old or four year old To be able to get into the thing End of story

My one sentence is The two individuals in the story Least at fault Are the four year old and the gorilla Yes Everyone else has fault And that's where we're going to leave it Because quite frankly we don't need your memes

And we don't need anyone else's opinions on this But Adam, you're going to talk about a gorilla? Did you see the Fuck Jerry post? Which was like, I didn't realize that I knew so many zoologists. Like people debating what the gorilla was going to do as if they knew. That was hilarious. Who are you? I feel terrible.

The gorilla looked like it was going to hug the kid. I know. Because that happens all the time. I guess we're officially into it. Thanks, Jan from Burlington. Jan married to Joe. The gorilla was saving it. Guys, life isn't Tarzan.

I hate to tell you, but that gorilla wasn't voiced by Rosie O'Donnell. No. Okay, you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. Phil Collins wasn't putting on the soundtrack in the background. Yeah, I don't care what, you know, friggin' Instagram page you follow that told you that baby was going to be fine. Odds are, no. Now, if that kid had died If the kid had died

We'd still be talking about the gorilla Would anybody have said Would anybody have said Well, at least it wasn't the gorilla Can I answer that? Can I answer that? Yes Oh my god

I'm just Because people are fucked Anyway So we officially got into it But we're leaving it now Okay, we're about to get into potentially the best thing ever, according to Jesse. All right, so this is Mark Madden on a show two days ago. It's from May 30th.

Now, by the way, one person tweeted this at me. One. I didn't listen to it. We were saying, for you to have heard this, you would have had to first listen to us, live in Pittsburgh, and also listen to Mark Madden. Yes. And be in the car at the time. And also somehow have the iHeartMedia player.

I feel like there aren't a lot of crossover listeners. Yeah, I'm not surprised by that. One person tweeted this at me. I tried to listen to it, and it would not work. It works here. All right, are we ready to rock and roll? Yes. Mark Madden, everyone, on Toronto.

Team USA roster for the upcoming pretend Olympics. So the Toronto paper says that Kessel has questionable character, but doesn't define exactly what's questionable about it. And Steve Simmons, the guy who wrote this, is the same guy who made up, made up, fabricated a story that Kessel would buy a hot dog from the same vendor in Toronto every day. That was in the Toronto Sun last year. It was proven to be fabricated because Kessel lived nowhere near the hot dog stand.

So I'm pretty sure, was this recorded the day of game one? Because it sounds like he's in a bar. He is in a bar, yeah. Now I was thinking to myself, because I was also, I was in a different bar that had a different show recording in it. How loud you would have to talk just to hear yourself enough to broadcast a show? Well, that's why you have headphones on. You got to have damn strong headphones, Adam.

But let's talk about the hot dog stand that was proven to be fabricated. That's literally how he's talking. The Toronto Sun needs to check their facts. Show some class and learn the facts. Be more like ESPN. Imagine being at the table closest to that If you're front row at the Mark Madden concert You are covered in spit

You and Jesse just try to have a nice casual Like a nice cordial conversation over some nachos Jesse, your beer looks really good So we got this clown Thank you so much In Toronto He allegedly writes for a newspaper I think it's Toronto Sun

That's exactly what he should be firing into We should call over the waiter, maybe smack-talking Phil Kessel. He is fabricating stories about him eating hot dogs every day. They don't realize this is... I am broadcasting a radio show.

I am a broadcaster. Hey, what number are you in the ratings? Number one. Two and three. The whole podium's mine, buddy. Nobody knows more about podiums than I do. This is the super geniuses world.

You're all privileged enough to be hearing it. Anyway, I'm sorry to interrupt Let's continue, so he's talking about the hot dog He's talking about the hot dog, Jesse wants to reset the camera here We'll let him do that I hope that was all recording Alright, here we go And he's not going to drive 45 minutes across town

To get a friggin' hot dog The guy just made up the story It was a protracted fat joke Make no mistake, when you tell a story About an athlete eating a hot dog every day That's a thinly, no pun intended Thinly disguised fat joke So F Toronto, F the Toronto media, F all the bloggers up there,

F everything about that place. It's the phoniest talkie town ever. They wouldn't know a good player or a winning team if it hit them in the head. Period. Whoa! Hold up. F the bloggers!

F the bloggers! Isn't this the same guy who told them to trade Malkin? Yes, it is. Isn't that the first introduction we had from him? That's happening again. He's saying that? Not him, actually. Kiprios said that he thinks

Penguins might explore that In the summer Oh for real Cause that's what you do Well you made the finals Time to fuck it up You know what I mean

Might as well And you know what Like people People do yell and scream About Kiprios Cause they don't like Some of his opinions But I mean

When it comes to trade deadline That guy's breaking shit So I mean I think he knows What he's talking about I think he's saying that Cause he heard something Not because he wants

To make an allowance I wonder if he heard that Across time Yeah There are lots of rumors about P.K. Subban getting traded. I don't think that actually means anything's going to happen. Wow, F the blogger. I thought he said Steve Dangle.

You got my hopes up, you asshole. He said blogger. Is that all he had to say? Yeah, that's all. Okay. Play the next clip. Tommy accidentally burned down his garage. Oh, really?

He had a few friends over. Is this a math question? No, no, no. He had a few friends over that he hadn't seen in years, had a bonfire, put it out, and went to sleep. Apparently, a few sparks hit the garage. oh well shit happens and life goes on but he wants to know if you guys can just boost

his spirit if you have a big fuck up story that can make him feel better yeah I got one it involves fire as well I to this day don't know what I was thinking and stop me if I've told this story

in the podcast before the worst part is I was babysitting two of my young cousins It was in Pickering Pickering, Ontario And you know They showed me the controls on the TV If I wanted to use it

You know There's some food in the fridge If you want to eat it Also we'll leave out some popcorn for you So my aunt and uncle leave out popcorn And I go You know what I could go for some popcorn

And I'm looking around the kitchen I'm looking around I go Where's the microwave? Hmm Where's the microwave? I can't find it damn i really want this popcorn how could i how could i make this popcorn how do you make

popcorn i was like 14 old definitely old enough to know better but i i don't know what possessed me to make this decision in the corner on the counter there was a toaster oven and i put the paper bag of popcorn in the toaster oven i don't know why i did this and i remember Having the thought at some point Oh should I go downstairs What did you think Well he is just going to heat it and pop it up I don't

It's a toaster oven not a toaster It is a toaster oven That was half my life ago But in my head I was like I think I had the TV on downstairs too Something was downstairs and I remember being like Should I go to the basement No no I shouldn't I should wait for the popcorn to be done

And thank god I didn't go to the basement Because of course it's set on fucking fire So I called my other uncle Who just happened to live On the same street As this uncle And he comes over And you know

I put the fire out Thank God I had the common sense To unplug the toaster oven Before throwing water On the fire Thank God That would have started

A bigger fire Yeah And so I'm telling my uncle What happened He's in And He He

Was giving me Way too much Benefit of the doubt Because he goes He goes Oh the microwave's not working and i go no no i i couldn't find and when he said that i noticed he pointed at the fucking microwave which was right above the stove oh i just i you didn't look that high

it's one of the most brainless evenings i've ever had on this earth i i missed the microwave and i decided to put a paper item in a toaster oven and i set it on fire and ruined that toaster but they call it a microwave oven and a toaster oven you can see how someone could get confused totally forgive yourself steve so i was i was 10 or 11 probably old enough to know better but but i definitely didn't and uh i remember we were putting our christmas lights out like outside and made hot chocolate and made it like a whole family event every single time

that we did this and I let my hot chocolate get cold because I was helping my dad in the bushes like putting up lights or whatever and so I went to drink it it was cold I was like you know what I'm gonna go and throw this in the microwave I found the microwave

it was above the dishwasher in my house but thankfully I knew where it was I didn't put it in the toaster oven Heated up his hot chocolate in the toaster oven. In the toaster oven. A paper mache cup. And I had a friend over. I happened to have a friend over, and I put it in the microwave.

And all of a sudden, I see... Oh, no! And a poof. And fire starts. And this is within 10 seconds. And I didn't know this at the time, But metal and microwaves don't go that well together Mine was in a traveling cup

Like a metal traveling cup And the handle of it, which was made of plastic And this is how hot it was in that microwave Caught on fire Plastic caught on fire And at this point, I was apoplectic So I You know when Kermit freaks out and he goes

That was me And I ran outside to grab my parents My friend At the time was thinking on his feet And just went over to the hot chocolate, opened the microwave, and went, put it out. So there's my story with fire. I had a similar experience with metal cups in the microwave. I was younger, though.

I was like eight or something like that. And my parents were in the kitchen at the time. They just didn't see what I was doing. And it goes bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. And I go, ah! Of course, I freak out, too. And they go, what? And they stop it.

And they had never told me, right? Right. But it was funny. They kind of used the moment to be like, ah, well, that's what happens. You ever going to do that again? I go, no. They're like, all right. Perfect.

Well, no harm, no foul. By the way, sorry. Didn't work that cup that much anyway. It was Tommy, right? Tommy. Tommy, I'm sorry that that happened to your garage. Shit happens in life, and that sucks, dude. But I'm sorry that that happened.

That really sucks. Yeah. Since it's the end of the show, and I don't know how many people got through this, I'm going to reveal something. And Steve and Adam don't know I'm doing this right now. But towards the end of August, we should have a pretty big guest on to lead up to the World Cup in the season.

He's a pretty big deal. And we're probably going to have him on. And I'm breaking that news right now. But I'm not going to say who he is. I'm out of here. I was going to say we out, but it's just me. I'm out. I'll see you guys next Tuesday with another best of show.

We still got so many clips to get to. We still got to do Steve yelling as Macho Man Randy Savage. We got to do all of the LiveBitch segments. So we might do three best ofs, but right now it's next Tuesday. I'll see you guys again. Tweet me at JesseBlake. I know I want Adam and Steve back too. I'm tired of hearing my voice too.

I've been talking for like 10 minutes. I'm already done. I'm already tired of this. Let's get Steve back here. Come back from Europe, Steve. But tweet me at JesseBlake. Instagram me, Jesse.Blake. J-E-S-S-E.

I can plug my stuff because no one's here to stop me. I'm out. See you next Tuesday. Follow the guys on Twitter at Steve underscore Dangle. At Adam W-Y-L-D-E. And at Jesse Blake. The Steve Dangle Podcast. Brought to you by Panago Pizza.

Order at Panago.com and stuff your face with deliciousness.