The Swiftie and The Scholar - The Despair and Persistence of This is Me Trying

Episode Date: October 1, 2026

We’ve made it to the end of the folklore road! Join Uncle Jerry and Angela as they discuss this is me trying, where the duo finds some Typical Taylor, ambiguity, paradox, multiple meanings, and so much more. Come back for the next two weeks as we wrap-up discussion of the album as a whole.Works Cited:CoupletsHeroic coupletsAnaphoraStarship Troopers (1997)EnjambmentEllipsisIn medias resThe Odyssey – HomerCaesuraWhy I Write – Joan DidionSimileThe Swiftie and The Scholar Grading MatrixFollow Us:Patreon⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠Threads⁠Angela’s Instagram⁠Uncle Jerry’s InstagramAngela’s YouTube Channel

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Book hot fares and vacation packages today. Nice travels. Okay, wait, cleansing breath. Say it. My God. Every time. Welcome to the Swifty and the Scholar, the podcast where we examine the lyrics, lore, and literary legacy of Taylor Swift. I am Angela McDowell, the Swifty.

And I am Dr. Jerry Coach, the scholar. Weird energy today. Yes, I was dapping. They're going to love that you know what that is. He's a teenage grandson. Or he's not a teenager. That's old, yeah. Even this is old.

Oh, the six, the six seven. Six, seven. Yeah. We're all the way up to eight, nine. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Okay. How you doing?

I'm okay. You excited to have the whole of folklore in your tool belt? This is it. After this, I'm getting scared. I am trepidacious. because after this, we'd have to look at the whole album and to look at it. It's funny because I'm going to have to go back and pull notes from all these songs. The very first episode.

I know. It's so crazy. I can't even remember what I. Yeah. Yeah. And me either. Yeah. So I'm going to pull notes and take a look and do cross-comparatives.

And it is kind of crazy because the last three or four weeks I've been, as I've been doing the songs, I've been thinking, okay, this one matches up with that song. This one matches up with something else. Yeah. I'm not sure what this one matches up with. Yeah, yeah. But it's Taylor Swift. Okay, I got you a gift.

Oh, okay. For having a whole, like a folklore celebration. Yeah? Yeah, I got you. I hid it under here while you were gone. Oh, okay. I got you the piano vocal engine. guitar chords for all of folklore.

So you can look at that too and use it for your... How fun is that? The whole album. Hot dog. So you're giving me a book? Yeah. So that way Leslie doesn't make you get rid of one if I give it to you, right? Yeah. Yeah, my wife makes... Whenever I buy a new book, she now has a rule that I have to get rid of a book.

This doesn't count, though. Oh, thank you. That is so nice. Yeah, I saw it at the Country Music Hall of Fame. they had like all of the albums there like this. Oh wow, yeah. And I was like, oh, I should get that because we're about to finish. Oh, that's fun. I'll look.

No, you've given me more stuff to look at. Well, you don't have to use it, but I thought it would be a fun source if you did want to use it. Wow, does she really sing this low? That's, that's G below middle C. Yeah, yeah. Well. Rebecca rode up on the afternoon train. Wow, okay.

Yeah. Oh, that's fun. Well, I'll have to play through these. Yeah. Oh, here's Cardigan. Oh, this looks fun. Yeah. Yeah.

It felt like the right time to give you that. Oh, thank you so much. Oh, that's so kind. Oh, boy. Lots of, just more homework for you, right? Okay, well, okay, stop the recording. Got to go play some piano. Whenever I get a new book, like, well, because I've mentioned before I click sheet music,

And anytime I bring, like, I'll find something in an antics or I want. Yeah. I'll bring it home. It's like, I've got to go play it. I've got to go try it out. Yeah, that's fun. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome.

Okay. All right. Today, the last of our folklore songs, This Is Me Trying. Now you've got me a way to look up. This is Me Trying. Oh, yeah. So you can, like, sing it for us. Oh, no.

I'll wait. Okay. This is another Jack and Taylor written and produced. Um, this is... I'm sorry, I'm going to laugh because you said swift and off. Swift and off. Okay. Um, yeah, and that's, I don't really have a lot to say about this one.

I like this song. I think it's pretty sad, but, like, also feels relatable to, like, people who maybe, like, did well in school and then just were a normal adult or, like, people dealing with any kinds of things. Um, yeah, it also, feels to me very, when I think about it in depth, it feels very of the pandemic to me. Because we were all just kind of like sitting at home and, you know, maybe if you had like an addiction or a mental health issue or something like that was maybe a harder time for others. Why are you smiling like that?

No, you have just given me something new to think about. Oh, okay. Yeah, because I was saying before this started, I was saying I'm not sure that this fits well in the folklore album. And now I'm thinking, well, actually, it's written during the pandemic and this is trying to endure the pandemic. I had trouble relating to it because I'm retired. I gave up trying. You don't have to do that work anymore. I don't have to try.

The only person I'd try for is Leslie. I try real hard. Okay. That's all I've got, though. Okay. Oh, that's good. Wow. Okay, now I need to just stop and play the song on the piano and then think about maybe it does belong in folklore.

Interesting. Okay. This is me trying. Yes. All in E. Cummings. Lower case. Yeah. Okay.

And I wrote a note to begin with, interesting that we have a heavy rhyme scheme here. Oh, okay. All couplets. Yeah, it's interesting because in most of her songs, she does not use a consistent rhyme scheme, or she will take a verse or a chorus and she'll have a consistent rhyme scheme. There are only a couple of n rhymes, although she had internal rhymes and slant rhyme in illicit affairs. Right. Right. With this one, we have and rhyme just throughout the poem. I mean, if you look at it, adjusting, rusting, when you mark rhyme schemes just to review, you assign the letters of the alphabet starting with A. So adjusting rusting rusting is A, A, and then it switches rhyme sound to back that, and that would be B, B, and then it switches to look out, down. That would be C, C, and then

say doorway. That would be D-D. And then trying, trying. I just want to say this is me trying, trying, right? So that would be E. Mm-hmm. And then we go to mental potential.

Oh, gosh, yeah. I like that line, actually. The rhyme, I think that's fun. And that would be FF. Mad, that. Well, actually, if you go back up to the B sound, back that. Oh, yes, so it's like B again.

Right. So we go back to B-B and then it's G-G-G-H-H-E-E-E-I-I-I-I. Oh, my goodness. Everything is matched rhyme. Interesting. Which is very rare in her poetry. Yeah. So, you know, you have to ask the big question.

Why? Why does she use the heavy couplet rhyme scheme? Often poets will use a couplet because they want the lines to be attacked. to one another. Okay. So there's a form of poetry, especially popular in the 18th century, called the heroic couplet. A heroic couplet is iambic metameter and the couplets rhyme.

Okay. So 10 syllables per line with rhyming lines. She doesn't exactly have heroic couplets. I've been having a hard time adjusting. It's 10 syllables. I had the shiniest wheels now that they're rusting. So maybe 11. But she has something close to that.

Heroic couplet. It probably doesn't work as a heroic couplet, but certainly rhymed couplet. I'm interested to hear the music because I wonder if the way she sings it in couplets with these attached pairs of rhymes, you know, has something to do with the musicality of the work. Obviously, we'll see. Yeah. Okay, so also notice that the first four lines begin with the first person. I, I, I, I. Yeah.

Which sounds like a song from Mexico. Yeah, so it's an aphra, clearly. She's thinking about herself, focused, fairly self-focused, introspective. And then we get to the poem. Yes. Okay. I've been having a hard time adjusting. Okay.

Adjusting what? you know, it feels incomplete. So it's either ellipsis or a jamment. You notice the alliteration with the H sound having hard time adjusting. It's understatement, given the fact that she's, she has suffering that's described later. It doesn't seem like it's that difficult. Yeah, she's just like, oh, I'm having a little bit of a hard time. Right, yeah.

Yeah, but it turns out that she's kind of having a harder time than she, admit. So adjusting kind of gives you that psychological metaphor, right? So you're not well adjusted. And also, the poem begins in the middle of things. Yes, right? The Latin phrase in Medias race. Yes. You know, all the great poems begin in Medias race. So the poem, you know, it immediately places us in this ongoing situation. So she immediately engaged. the reader. It is a hook. Right. When I say all the great poems begin that way, maybe I should mention that a lot of movies

begin that way, and some of them are not so great. But if you want to see a great example of a medias race beginning in a movie, watch Starship Troopers. Oh. Yeah, because... I don't think that's what any of us expected you to say. Yeah, or go read The Odyssey. Maybe that one's better. You could see that movie too.

Yeah. Yeah. I haven't seen the movie yet, but in the book, you know, Odysseus washes up naked on the beaches of Faikia, a young girl names Nalsica. You know, helps him up, takes him in to meet her parents. Her parents are the king and queen of the island. And, you know, they want to be polite. They want to be hospitable.

Sons is Zeus, after all, is the god of hospitality. And they take him in, give him clothing. and they have a banquet in his honor and, you know, they say we don't mean to be rude, but who are you? And how did you come here, you know? And that's how we learn the story. Yes.

So Odysseus says, I am Odysseus, and everyone goes, gasp, he's Odysseus. You know, and so he tells his whole story of his life. So we tell it in Flashback. Gotcha. Flashback on a film reel in the one screen in my town. That's right, just like Flashback in the Film Reel. We see movies in this one too Yeah, lots of movies

Okay, so It begins in this way I think it is a hook And then she flashes back, right? She said, I had the shiniest wheels Okay, so her life used to be terrific You notice the alliteration with the S's

Shiniest wheels Now they're resting It's nice She's pulling out She's opened up her little you know, poetry kid of tricks. We have

metaphor involving a car. Gee, I've never seen that. No, it's brand new. Yeah, in her poetry. Used to be the shiniest one. Best, new, successful,

youthful, social status. Now it's rusting, deterioration, disengagement, neglect. So you have this antithesis between shiny and rusting.

And, And you've got the symbol involving wheels, meaning she used to be moving. Moving forward. But if she's rusting, she's now stagnant. Right. Right. And all of that is built around the, the antithetical statement is built around the Syshura, the break in the middle of the line. I had the Chinese wheels, comma, break, pause.

Now they're rusting. Yeah. Yeah. So just a, you know, a poet's line. Yeah. Right. And I know people may get tired of me making the list of poetic devices. But they're really meaningful because they help build the understanding that their life is deteriorated from this point. And I do like the Sciura here. Again, it's really meaningful to pause and reflect.

Here is how I used to be. Here is where I am. Right. So you have to pause in between that reflection. Right. Really nice stuff. I didn't know if you'd care if I came back. First of all, man, that's a sad line. Certainly is. Yeah.

Not even knowing if someone would care if she returned. It feels like direct address. It feels like she's talking to a you. We don't know who that person is. The interlocutor here isn't identified by name, gender, or anything else. as yet. You notice a conditional language if. Okay.

We see that elsewhere in folklore. Yeah. Yeah. So she talks about here's how things are and if I'd made this decision or here's how things are and if I decide now will they change. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it's interesting.

Her use of conditional language, it's on my list of things to look at. Okay, okay. For folklore, for the entire folklore album. Right. You notice the metaphor of returning, the motif of returning coming back someplace. Thomas Wolfe said you can't go home again, but here she is trying to go back. And for me, the tone is almost apologetic. Yeah, agreed, because especially with the next line where she's talking about regrets.

I'm kind of regretting that I thought that you didn't care and I'm regretting that I used to like be something and now I'm not. or I used to be doing something and now I'm stuck, you know, like, and because I can't adjust to this new, whatever this new future is, I guess. Yeah, and, I mean, it builds on that next line in really interesting ways because, you know, I don't, I didn't know if you'd care if I came back. The tone feels apologetic, regretful. And then she used the word regret in the next line. I have lots of regrets about that, about my.

regrets about. Yeah. So you have like double-layered elements of regret, you know, that regret becomes one of the, it's a motif, it becomes one of the emotional forces in this poem. And then she goes to, she takes a little bit of a turn. With the car again, she goes back to this car metaphor, pulled the car off the road to the Lookout could have followed my fears all the way down. And, you know, that really bothered me as a reader.

Yeah. Stood on the cliffside scream and give me a reason. Yeah. Yeah. It felt like she is suicidal. Mm-hmm. You know, she pulled the car off the road. Obviously, it's literal imagery, the car and road imagery, but it's also metaphorically.

symbolic imagery. Yeah, like I stopped for a second, took a tiny detour and said, do I even want to keep going? Right. In this life. Yeah, when she mentions, you know, earlier that she had the shiniest wheels, you know, her life was the best, so the car is symbolically, metaphorically, her life. She pulls off the road. The road is the path of life. Right. In, you know, in every great work of literature. You know, so she's taking this. detour off the journey of life and stopping. You can't stop life. But she's rusted and she's stagnant, right?

So she's maintaining this metaphor, growing into a conceit, very consistent. You know, I constantly say she just shines as a writer, you know, as a poet. She never lets these images drop. Well, actually she did a couple of weeks ago. And I took her to task for that. But most of the time. Almost all the time. Yeah, almost all the time she doesn't give you any jagged edges in her symbolic system, in her imagery, in her metaphors.

You're saying that you can't stop life, like life keeps moving forward. That just made me think that like when the pandemic happened and everything kind of shut down and we all went home, like it did sort of feel like. Like, life did kind of just take a pause, you know. And that's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this is a pandemic song.

Yeah. So she goes to the lookout. All right. So the word slash phrase lookout is ambiguous. Mm-hmm. Right. So a lookout is an overview, but she's, you know, a literal overview like you stop to see a beautiful mountain vista or something.

But also to overview or to confront her emotional crisis. Yeah, and like take stock of everything. And also there's a phrase, look out, right? Two separate words. Danger. Yeah, danger. So I think that she means it three different ways, literally, you know, representationally, like to stop and take emotional assessment,

but also look out. Yeah, yeah, that's interesting. Yeah. And she could have followed her fears all the way down. Oh, she's moving down again. Just like Jonah. Yeah, just like Jonah. Any time you go down, you know, the physical direction is a descent.

It is also a psychological and emotional descent, right? So you want to be going up to heaven. You don't want to be going down towards shi-owl. It personifies the word fears. She wants to follow her fears. Like the fears are actual people, you know, like, or they're real entities that surround her. It's not something you can follow.

And it is a little ambiguous. You know, what does she mean by all the way down? Does she mean sadness? Does she mean visually looking down? You know, I mean? She could be literally looking down. She could be merely sad. Right.

Being downcast. Or she may be suicidal. Yeah, and literally falling down. Literally jumping off that cliff. Yeah. So which one of those does she mean or does she mean something else? I think she wants us to think about all that. Yeah.

And maybe I don't quite know what to say. You know, she uses that hesitational word maybe. I think there's almost an ironic contrast in this line for me because the poem is well written, and yet she says, I don't know what to say. So for me, it's almost ironic. You know, there are lots of poetic devices. She clearly knows what to say. It is, I'm going to use that meta.

You like it. I know you do. It's meta-poetic. Yes, yes. So she's stepping outside the poem and saying that emotionally, I'm not sure what to say, despite the fact that in this poem, I know exactly what to say. Right, right. I'm very good with language and words. Yeah.

Yeah, so I love that, you know, metapoeticism. Agreed, yeah. I also like that she is maybe and quite. It's like two, like, two, like, hesitations. Yeah, two stops. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. It's like she really is struggling to figure out the words, you know?

Yeah, that's good. I only wrote the one, so I'm going to have to add that to my note. Yeah, it's cool. I do love metapoeticisms. You know, Joan Didion writes about it in her work. And, you know, I think it's lots of fun to think about how writers and speakers often, you know, have like a simultaneous voice, but, you know, but distance. But I'm here on your doorway. Okay, so she's thinking about jumping. She has no clue what to say, but here I am on your doorway. Yeah.

We have spatial symbolism. Yeah, the doorway is, again, with the threshold, with the separating from here to there. Like it's a, you know, like the hallways. And it's possibility, right? You can go through the threshold and maybe it's better. Maybe it's worse. Maybe it's a new beginning. Maybe it's, yeah, it all depends upon what happening.

It's a pathway. Is it between separation and reconnection? She wants to be reconnected. Yeah. So the doorway is a metaphor. Possibilities of beginning again. And you contrast here, you contrast the speaker who's on the road. Now she's at the destination.

right, she's at an entrance and the question is, is this going to work? Is it going to be a new? Yeah, I'm like going to be able to walk through the doorway. However, the sentence begins with? But. That's a big butt. So I like big butts, and I cannot lie,

when they show up in a poem like this. Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest. exclusive, the Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMDM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you,

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We see the endless funds fueling the AI hype. While others follow the noise, we follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com. It adds to that. It's a hesitational but hopeful tone. Sure. Yeah. I'm not going to make any more cracks about that.

Oh, my gosh. Okay. So, I'm sorry. I'm going to take a moment. Okay. That was a great song, it wasn't?

Absolutely. Oh, my God. Becky. Becky. And then we get to a chorus. Oh. So two lines Exactly the same

Two repetitive lines And that's it That's all we got for the chorus However remember That the whole poem Is written in rhymed couplets Oh yeah yeah So that makes sense

It seems appropriate To have this paired couplets It's repeated It feels like the central statement Of the poem I just wanted you to know This is me trying And

You know So it's repeated It's an aphoric in structure, but for emphasis. It's, again, the poem itself is laced with a lot of metal linguistic irony. Okay. You know, because she says, I don't have the words to say, but she's writing the poem. And then here she says, I just wanted you to know that this is me trying. Well, it's understated.

it I just wanted, right? Like, I don't have any promises. I'm not claiming victory in our relationship. I'm not making any big, big deal. You know, success is simply found in the trying of it. Right, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Like effort and moving one foot in front of the other is, like, all that we can ask for in this poem. And she says it twice for emphasis, but what's so funny is that the semantic text of the line, I just wanted you is anything but emphatic. Mm-hmm. Yes, yeah. Right. Yeah.

It's so, like, understated. Right. Yeah. It's so understated, but doubled. Interesting. Yeah, so if you have two understatements, does it add together and make a real statement? Or does it make it, like, more understated? Or does it?

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, since language itself is cumulative and not multiplicative, does it just reinforce the understatement, the reluctance to speak? Interesting. Yeah, I think it does the latter. Yeah, yeah. And then we get to verse two, and I'm thinking, wow, we're already zooming through this song. It's not a long song.

No, it's not. Yeah, I like this verse. Yeah, I thought it was fun. She introduced a new metaphor, the cages. Yeah, verse two, they told me all of my cages were mental. Okay, who are they? Has she been saying a psychiatrist? Has she been talking to friends?

I mean, could it be something very innocent? Or could she have just escaped from the asylum? We're not sure. The metaphor of cages gives us her fears, psychological barriers, limitations, restrictions. All of her cages are mental. Yeah, and she's in the cage. And that's why her reels got rusty. Right.

Yeah, because she's stuck. And we have, you know, this paradox. There are lots of paradoxes throughout, you know, the paradox of not being able to speak in yet writing. You know, the cage is physical, but the cage here is explicitly described as mental. Right. So you can't be in a physical cage if it's only mental, but clearly some of the worst cages are, in fact, are mental cages.

Absolutely, yes. Yeah. So we also have ambiguity with who are they? Are they friends? Are they professionals? Is it society at large? Yeah. You know, we're not sure.

So I got wasted like all my potential. So she's using the pun with the phrase wasted potential, right? And then she says I got wasted, which simply means drunk. Or squandered potential. expended uselessly. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she used assembly like... So this is typical Taylor.

Agreed, yes. She's having fun with this cliche, creating a pun out of it, but also talking about things like getting drunk. And my words, shoot to kill when I'm mad. They do. I just want to say that line is true. Yes, of Taylor.

Taylor Swift is a writer. Yes, she will, shoot to kill. We have personification in words shooting. We have an idiom in shoot to kill. We have a metaphor that words become weapons. We have violent imagery. We have a hyperbole. And we have alliteration with the M sound my word shoot to kill when I'm mad.

My mad are linked together alliteratively. I love these two lines. Oh, I guess these three lines. And maybe it's because of all of those things. I know, right? It's just a, you know, when I list these literary devices, people shrug and say, oh, what does it matter? Well, it matters because what she's doing is building an argument,

and she's building it in a way that is so gracefully presented by personification and metaphor and idiom and imagery. Yeah, it's, it is food for thought. I think last time I talked about Roland Barth's, how literature, how text brings us. bliss, both a physical, mental, emotional bliss, that he has a physical reaction. Yeah, when I read a good line, I have a physical reaction. So her words are shoot to kill when I'm mad.

I have lots of regrets about that. And you go back to that first page and she talks about her regrets, right? So she's reiterating this line. She didn't know if you'd care if I come back. Well, I have regrets about that. and then my words are pretty, pretty dangerous. I have regrets about that. Lots of regrets.

Yeah. So it's a very confessional diction. Mm-hmm. You know, structural parallelism. I was so ahead of the curve. The curve became a sphere. Okay. You know, how does she find ways to twist all these cliches?

I have no idea. Yeah, that's fun, right? The idiomatic phrase. ahead of the curve or the cliche, ahead of the curve. You know, you've got this Sciurah, so you had this really nice parallel structure. She does the same thing in the first stanza. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so the curve becomes a sphere.

So if you follow a curve all the way around, it becomes a sphere. And it's almost, it's like a combination of a pond with ambiguity with metaphor, right? Because there's a curve in the road or like a curve ball or a curve as opposed to a straight line. The relationship is never without its twists. Yeah, yeah. Right. I don't know. It's just, and if you metaphorically or symbolically follow a sphere all the way around, where do you wind up?

Right back. Right back where you started. Yeah. Yeah. So she's running in circles. It's never ending. A circle is also a symbol of eternity. So this thing goes on and on and on

You know which one of those interpretations do you like best Yeah Take your pick They all work for me What about if the curve became So she's so far past it It became a sphere And then what if that sphere

Turned into a mirror ball Just kidding Okay you got me with that You got me with that one I do always another Unserious moment that I always have with this line is I think I said in a recent episode that the only other thing I know as well as I know Taylor Swift

is the TV show Friends And there's a line where An episode where Chandler does something bad to Joey And he's Chandler's like, I know I cross the line And Joey's like, you're so far past the line The line is a dot to you Like because he's like He only seen like a time

Like he's so far away And I always think of that with this. It's kind of saying the same thing, but in a more poetic way. So I always think of Joey and Chandler with this line. Well, I'm glad. Well, you know, we all, I think of Roland Barth. You think of Joey and Chandler.

Yeah, you know. We all bring our own baggage to everything we learn. Well, okay, so the next line fell behind all my classrooms, and I ended up here. You're pouring my heart out to a stranger. What? You know, for me, that took such an interesting turn. Yeah, because who are we talking to?

Right, right, you know. That's, you know, back at the start of the poem, I said, you know, I've been having a hard time adjusting, and it sounds like she's talking with someone. You know, I have the side of these wheels, and now they're rusting. I didn't know if you'd care if I came back. So she's talking with someone or to someone or about someone. But then she says it's a total stranger. Yeah.

I always picture this of her sitting at a bar. Right. Talking to a bartender. Because of the next line. But not drinking. She went there because she's like, I just want to have a drink, but she knows she shouldn't or something. Yeah, I didn't pour the whiskey. Uh-huh.

Or he poured the whiskey for her. So it doesn't matter. I didn't do it. Yeah. And now people are going, why are you guys so speculative? Tell us what this means. Well, okay. She fell behind all of her classmates and ended up here. So she fell behind them in school because they're classmates. She wasn't successful in school. She winds up pouring out her heart to a stranger, idiomatic phrase, pour out your heart. irony telling everything to a stranger. Yeah.

You know, pouring, she's emptying her emotions aside from literal pouring. So we're contrasting intoxication with emotional intensity or with emotional honesty. Okay, yeah. You know, are you emotionally honest when you get intoxicated? But she says she didn't pour the whiskey. So we have a pun, kind of a semantic contrast between pouring whiskey and pouring out her heart. Whiskey is symbolic of intoxication, avoidance, self-medication. Yeah.

So we have metaphorical substitution is whiskey the truth, pouring out the whiskey, pouring up the truth. Oh, interesting. Okay. Right. Yeah, that's interesting. I really like this, I mean, I like this whole stanza, but like the, you know, you're saying that if you're on a curve and the curve becomes a sphere, you end up right back where

you started. Right. So she was so ahead of all of her classmates, maybe. And then she somehow that made her revert back to ending up behind her classmates because she ended up where they all started. And then they just like left her behind. Right. And in what way is she behind the classmates? Yeah.

And who are the classmates? Like is this just peers like in any kind of, you know, in your, like you could take it into being like people your age. So, you know, as a person who Taylor got married when she was 36, I got married when I was 37. And it's like, I'm sure at some point, like, all my friends got married at like 22. And I was like, that's not for me. I'm fine with not getting married that young. But, like, you know, at a certain point, like, when you're in your 30s, you kind of, everybody's lives kind of take different paths. And I think at some points, you can feel like you're behind just in like your life goals.

you know, a certain career or a certain level of education or a certain marriage or kids or anything, owning a home, like all of that. Or is it like, you know, so you're just kind of, and maybe that doesn't make sense because she's stuck. Like her wheels got rusty and she's just like stuck physically. Well, and that's, I did think about one of my friends. I thought about that behind the classmates in this almost fictional timeline we construct for ourselves as human beings in a social context.

You know, one of the good friends I worked with at the college, one of the department chairs in my division, was not married, and she was in her 40s. And, you know, she's a perfectly well-adjusted, amazingly funny, wonderful, smart, oh my gosh, brilliant person who had a PhD and a department chair. And, you know, she just hadn't found a guy. she was willing to spend the circle of eternity with. Yeah, yeah. You know, I mean, come on, get off her back.

But she was funny how she would talk about her parents or relatives or friends who would ask her, you know. So are you going to have a child? Are you going to get married? Yeah. You know, they have all these questions. They're not, they're never questions like, you know, how's your career going? No, never. Congratulations on your promotion to department chair.

What does it feel like to be a manager of a large. department with multiple disciplines in it. Yeah. No. Oh, and by the way, you bought a new house. Yeah. You know? Yeah, we don't focus on those.

Yeah. So I'm going to back up just a little bit. If I didn't pour the whiskey and I said whiskey could be metaphorical substitution for the truth. I didn't pour out the truth. Can stranger be metaphorical substitution for her significant other who is now a stranger? Right? They've come full circle in their relationship. Their relationship hasn't advanced. And is he now just a stranger? Yeah, because she's showing up at the door. She's showing up at the door and she doesn't have words to tell. She can't pour out the truth. She's having trouble pouring out the truth.

I love that. Yeah. I really like that a lot. I really wondered if talking to him was like talking to a stranger. Right. So it's actually a meta. before and not literal description. Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMDM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager.

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Seven months ago I blew up my life and a lot has shifted since then. Everyone is moving forward. I'm still working on that. And that's me. Welcome to Ice Cove. Where are the penguins? That's Antarctica. We're the other one.

North of North. Stream all episodes available on CBC Gem. Interesting. Yeah. So, yeah, when you go back and read it like that, her cages are mental, you know, she has placed herself in a position where she's trying to compete not only with herself in her own life, but everybody else's expectation of her life. They all say like she wasted her potential, right, that the progress of her life hasn't been what other people expected it to be. and the way she responds to that is by shooting words back at them like, you know, well, where are you? Yeah, like you're doing so good.

Yeah, congratulations on your life. And I regret saying that. But, you know, and when I think about it, I feel like my whole life has come full circle and I'm back still trying to find out where I should be in the context of my classmates. and that's why I'm talking with you who now you seem like a stranger. I love that, yes. Yeah. Interesting. So anyway, I felt like this was then a highly metaphorical description of a life and a relationship.

So, you know, I just wanted you to know that this is me trying. You know, I'm still, I'm just still trying. And by the way, the stranger could also be herself. Oh, yeah, because she doesn't know who she is. Right. So the stranger could be a literal stranger, like you say, imagine a bar scene. The stranger could be the significant other whom she had lost track of, and she's now come full circle of seeing. And the stranger could also be herself.

Wow. Because she's come full circle. And now in this COVID isolation is more contemplative and is reviewing the nature of her life. Wow. So many layers there. I think so. So at least I'm trying. We've got the chorus that is repetitious from the previous chorus emphasis,

and then we have a post-chorus where she reiterates with the understated at least. You know, what's it most? Yeah, that is interesting. There's so much understatement here. It is. It is. But by highly understanding and by repeating it, We, I think, rather than saying we elevate it, we further depressing.

I think so, yeah. Yeah, I think this is that central motif. Maybe the thesis is, in life, at least I'm trying. Yeah. And we get to the bridge. The bridge. It's a quick one. And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound.

Okay. So now she's at a party and all of those classmates. with whom she's behind. You know, okay, maybe she's not married. Maybe she doesn't have a child. Maybe, you know, maybe she doesn't have whatever measures of success that other people want to lay on her. You know, so she feels like an open wound. Obviously, a simile.

Now, she's open and she's wounded. We have body imagery. We have a symbol the wound is emotionally traumatic. And the tone, raw and exposed. Yeah, I always just, I always picture that as like, you're at a party, but you're feeling, like, everything kind of hurts. Like, everything you're seeing and everything that people are saying to you, like, everything is just, like, painful and, like, picking at it. You know what I mean? Right.

I get, like, a real visceral, like, Roland Barth's. I get a real, like, visceral image in my head with this line. Right. Yeah, yeah. Like a real reaction. That's, it's hard to be anywhere these days. when all I want is you. So hyperbole, all I want.

Oh, she doesn't want to eat. I'm a little pecky shrieked me. What do you think, who do you, what do you think you is in this situation? See, okay, so if the stranger is the former significant other, you know, who now seems like a stranger, it would be that person. Yeah. I also always wonder with the. The talking about whiskey and I got wasted, like all my potential, I always wonder if this is like a sober person and they're trying to be at a party and all they want to do is drink. Yeah, it could be.

That's good. Yeah. I worry about the word anywhere. It's hard to be anywhere. Well, yeah, which is why she wanted to follow her fears all the way down. Yeah, what's the alternative to being somewhere? Being nowhere. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that anathetical thinking that ends in suicide. You know, this poem has clear mental tags in it that should be scary. Yes, agreed. So hopefully she's writing not out of COVID depression, but she's exploring the idea as a poet. Right, right. And maybe a little less personally.

And it also has spatial metaphor. You know, we've talked a lot about space and how space matters, you know, with hallways and rooms, walls and doorways. And now, in fact, we're anywhere. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. It's almost like, is there, like nowhere is anywhere without the other person. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. You're a flashback in a film reel. on the one screen in my town. That line is packed up with so much stuff. I mean, first of all, she loves to talk about movies. She loves the metaphorical movie as moments in my life, right? Yeah. Yeah.

So you're a flashback. So she is talking to this guy, now a stranger who, in fact, used to be someone more intimate. In a film reel. So we get this idea of an old fact. movie theater with film reels. Yeah, like a big like. Yeah, with a big like, click, click, click. Yeah.

Yeah. On the one screen, so it's not a multi-screen multiplex in my town. So you get this image of a small town with a small world. But also it implies no place to hide. Right. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

There are no choices, no other roads that it's, It's almost like the unavoidable emotional trauma. There's no escape from her memory. Yeah, yeah. Oh, there's that word memory. Memory. Yeah, there are no escapes from her memory of this flashback. Yeah.

And there's a lot of isolation here, the small town that left her without friends or help or, you know, left her feeling behind her classmates. You know, so it's such a great line. And we always, you know, we always say all of her great lines have multiple poetic devices that enhance them. You know, this is the, why do you need this stuff? Because it enhances the sound of the line. Yeah, you look at the alliteration with the F's flashback film. Look at the assonance with the O's. On One Town.

You're, yeah, it's just, it's a beautiful line to say you're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town. Yeah. It's also very rhythmical. And the rhythm comes from the use of the prepositional phrases. You see in a film reel on the one screen in my town. Yeah, absolutely. So prepositional phrases tend to have that, bu, bum, bu, blah, bah, in a house, the lake on the shore of the sea. Right, right. Yeah, so in a film reel on a one screen in my town.

Right. It's just, it's a lovely, it's a lovely line. For me, it's that Percy Bish Shelley, one word makes the poem. Mm-hmm, this line. This line makes the poem. And it better because there's not a lot left. No, there's not. Yeah, we have the chorus.

And, okay, so the final chorus begins with this cumulative quality, right? And she's going to round together all the parts of the poem. And I just wanted you to know that this is me trying. You know, she's returning to this. She's, you know, confessing this. She is resisting her destructive suicidal impulses. She's acknowledging her regret that she expressed. You know, trying has all kinds of different meanings here.

She just wants to be active and hopeful. Yeah, like unrusting the wheels, like just a tiny bit forward. Right. Yeah. And maybe I don't quite know what to say. Okay, so here we are, stepping back out of the world of words, even though she's writing it. You know, the parenthesis, I think, creates vulnerability. She puts it parenthetically because she doesn't.

know what to say. And things in parentheses are things that we excerpt from the real things we say. Right. Yeah, it's like a, it's a structural callback. I think the verse one, it gives you circularity. Yeah. I just wanted you to know that this is me trying. That feels so vulnerable, so stripped down. and then she goes out of the poem with just, at least I'm trying. It ends with this understatement, this realization that trying is a process, right?

It's ongoing. It's not an end. It's not a validation. Maybe it's not even a healing. No, I do find a tiny bit of hope in that, though. Yeah. Like just the tiniest bit of like. Like she hasn't given up trying to figure.

Fix. Yeah. Fix her life. Fix the relationship. Fix. Whatever it is. Yeah. Things. Yeah.

Yeah. So do you like this one? You said you like this one. I mean, it's hard to find a song on folklore that I'm not going to be like, yeah, I love that one. You know? I just love this album. It did impress me. It was hard to read multiple times.

Because I always say I read these over and over and over and over again over a period of a day and a half. or two. And I write down everything that I see. And every time I read it, I just went, oh. Yeah. This is really sad. At least she's trying. Yeah. And at the very least, it's like, you know, I'm at the very end of that proverbial rope. I'm on the edge of the cliff, but I'm hanging here still trying. So that was hard to read. In a broader sense, Right. It had an interesting system of metaphors. It had the car, again, the car with wheels and a road and a lookout. It had mobility.

It had a cage. It had words as weapons, wounds. It had the movie. So it had this really interesting series of metaphors she uses. She likes antithesis and contrasting pairs. I can speak. You know, I'm writing, but I can't speak. Yeah.

It's shiny, but it's rusting. I'm ahead, but I'm looking behind. I'm behind my classmates. I'm wasted, but I'm trying. I'm in a cage, but there's a doorway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I really like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In a mental cage, but I'm at your doorway. Yeah, but maybe I can see a little bit, a little bit of a way out. Yeah. Isolation and connection, you know, the despair and persistence, you know, like I'm at my mental end of things, but I'm still trying. Yeah. I think the ambiguity of the you strengthens the poem. Agreed, yeah.

Who could you be a romantic lover, a family member, a friend, a bartender, a former version of the speaker's self? So I wrote a little line, the you allows for readers to project their own experiences into the poem, right? the repeated desire to be recognized by you suggest recovery isn't entirely solitary. The speaker wants someone else to say, I see you trying. Okay, yeah, exactly. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, and I think that's maybe the most important thing about the repeated chorus in the last line is, you know, she says at least I'm trying, but what she wants is recognition from someone.

Yeah, because she's saying, like, I just want you to know. Yeah, I see you trying. Yeah, I mean, we want, we don't necessarily want to grade. Right. You know, like your life is a C minus. You know, we don't necessarily want that grade. But we do at least want someone to say, yeah, you're, you know, it's like my friend at school, you know, I'm sure when she goes to a party and someone says, so, is there anybody in the picture? You know, she's like, is that the first thing people, why is that always the first thing people ask?

Yeah. Why don't they ever ask, so what's it like being department chair of a large department? Yeah. Yeah. What's it like handling people in multiple disciplines? Yeah. You know, they just want someone to acknowledge, I see you trying. Right.

Yeah. Well, okay. So, I don't know. I think the overall thesis is what happens when the shiny wheels fall off. Yeah. She's asking a question, what happens when success doesn't come? what happens to when our own minds turn into prisons, you know, how do we live with regret? And she answers all those questions with, keep trying.

At least I'm trying. At least I'm trying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is that all for the moment? I have my big. This is so long.

Okay. Let's listen. Okay. And we are going to watch the lyric video, and then we're going to just listen to Jack and Taylor talk about this song from the, what did you say last time? Big Puddle. From the Big Puddle, the swift antinom discussion.

Yeah. Okay, we'll be right back. Visit BetMGM casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly, 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you.

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vacation packages today. Nice travels. That's really good. Isn't that interesting? Yeah, I like hearing her talk about it. Yeah, it reminded me too that this does not have to, when she goes to the door, when she says, but I'm here in your doorway, it doesn't have to be a significant other. It can be a family member. Yeah, anybody. Just anybody. Yeah.

Anybody that they've, like, hurt or, you know, have treated badly because of whatever situation. And I did like the discussion of the second verse about school giving you affirming, you know, when I was in high school, I graduated tied for first in my class. Well, you know, it was a big class. over 500 students, that means I guess I was very successful and, you know, it was a thing that my family all patted me on the back for.

Ask me how much it really matters to me now. Right, yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's like these are like big things that happen, you know, like I was in the top 10% of my class. I got into a good school. I did well at school once I found my... I thought you went to Baylor.

And you know, and then And I also, this is a random thought, but I also wonder like with social media the way it is now and people post and want to get a lot of likes and they want to get a lot of attention that way, I always wonder if that's like kind of a fill in for I used to get good grades and validation through that. And now I need validation in a different way. And this is a way I can get that. Yeah. You know, it's so funny because my older granddaughter is a senior in high school. Yes, I am old.

And she is making decisions about where to go to college. And, you know, she wants to pick just the right one for just the right major. And, you know, I tried to tell her, first of all, you may well change your major. And, you know, you've changed where you were from last year, what your life goals are. And I said, and you know, you may be like me. I was, you know, changed my major very late. Yeah. And that's okay. You have time.

Yeah. You know, and I'm telling her this, and I'm thinking, I was so proud of graduating from college in three years. Uh-huh. You know, it's like I went down there. I placed out of a bunch of stuff. I graduated in three years, and I felt really cool about it. And now, so many years later, I wish I'd spent that extra year in college. Yeah, like this is like, that's the time to spend more time, you know.

And just being with friends. Exactly. You know, my parents were wonderful and gracious and supported me. And, you know, just to have that freedom, I don't know. And just the self-exploration. Yeah, there's nothing quite like that college time. No, I wish I had that extra year. How stupid was I?

I know. I did take an extra year. And then I was like, oh, this was the correct choice, actually. I'm having a great time this last year. It's funny when you try to give advice and you give advice based on things that you remember you wish you had done. And I just hope she chooses things that are best for her.

Yeah. You know, but it is, it was interesting to hear her say that about school being a gratification mechanism. Yeah. I think family can be that. A significant other can be that, you know. He or she likes me, loves me, treats me well or gives me this.

And it's a gratification mechanism. Yeah. And it's hard if that evaporates. It very much. Yeah, because you're like, well, who am I if I'm not getting accolades or getting validation in a certain way? Like, what does that become? What do I become?

Well, I think that's one of the things that bothered me. The more I read the poem was that image of her, of anyone of me on a cliff, you know, and contemplating suicide, looking all the way down. Yeah. You know, and thinking, and then going back to it. Yeah. I do like what Jack said there, though, that that moment is kind of the ultimate act of trying.

It is. Yeah. It's the ultimate. It's me trying. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not going back to be the conquering hero. I'm just going to try another day.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny to say I liked it because it was painful to read. Yeah. Okay, give us your big old statement here. My big concluding statement.

It's the longest one yet. Taylor Swift's poem, This Is Me Trying, is an introspective work that takes much of its literary power from metaphor, symbolism, imagery, and contrast. The central metaphors transform emotional struggle into physical experiences. The speaker describes herself as having lost momentum in life and unable to navigate the recognition. of her past. Psychological exhaustion becomes tangible through concrete imagery. The recurring symbols of shame, squandered potential, the additional, well, and they add together to create a portrait of an individual who measures herself against what she had hoped to become. Perhaps the poem's most significant literary device is irony. What may appear from the outside of a failure is reframed by the

speaker as evidence of extraordinary effort. This is me trying. The understated declaration that she is trying becomes almost paradoxical. The smallest possible claim carries enormous emotional weight because simply continuing has become an achievement. By juxtapowing youthful ambition with adult disappointment and outward failure with inward perseverance, the writer examines a life, replete with a sense of inadequacy. The tone moves between regret and vulnerability and finally quiet hope. Thematically, the poem explores depression and self-forgiveness. The speaker has the desire to be recognized for her effort rather than to be judged solely on her lack of accomplishment. And I actually liked writing that sentence. Yeah, say that again? Yeah, the speaker,

she has the desire to be recognized for her effort. Okay. Rather than to be. to be judged solely on her lack of accomplishment. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay, so I didn't get that done, but I tried, you know, I tried my best to get it done. Its greatest literary value lies in its refusal to offer an easy redemption narrative, right? And that's the worst.

I mean, you know, when some, when it all works out in the end, you know, if you're really trying to characterize a real life, Don't go there. The speaker does not claim that everything is healed, only that she continues to make an effort. In that sense, this is me trying becomes both confession and defense, a poetic assertion that imperfect survival can constitute progress. The work reaches readers who have experienced failure, regret, or a painful gap between who they were expected to become and who they actually are. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, it's funny because the closest I can, the closest I can get to that is, you know, I did achieve a great deal of academic success very early. I got a master's degree right away and I got another major in undergraduate and I got a teaching certificate and then I went to teach high school and a lot of people felt like, like that's a loss. like a waste for you to just be teaching high school. Why are you teaching high school? I taught high school for 12 years and I have to tell you I loved it. Yeah that's like that's an important time to have good teachers you know yeah I'm I mean I felt like I was doing good work for for students

ultimately I wanted more academic gratification for myself and you know went back and went on to do other things but but I never regret it teaching high school and it's so funny because I even had I had members of my own family. Not you or your parents, thank goodness. They were always very supportive and complimentary. But, yeah, people in my family thought that teaching high school was like some kind of a, you know, a loss, a secondary career that I should be reconsidering. And it never felt like that to me. It always felt like, to me, the highest paid teachers should be elementary school.

Agreed. Yeah. Start those kids off on the good paths. Yeah, you know, I mean. especially as a dad watching my girls go to elementary school. And, you know, I can't remember my own first grade excitement or my second grade excitement, but I saw theirs. And, you know, having that experience, it just made me think,

what incredible job some of those teachers were doing. Exactly, yes. You know, and I don't know. I just, so I never made a lot of money, you know, in that role. but I think I had a lot of gratification in what I did. Yeah. You know, it's hard to live up to other people's expectation. Almost impossible.

Yeah. So I did identify, you know, in as much as that part of my life with the poem. Yeah. But she's talking about other more serious things, too. I liked hearing the Long Pond discussion. Me too, yeah. It's a good one. Okay.

Okay, you're going to grade? Sure, sure, I guess. Well, I'm a little reluctant. It's hard, you know, it's such a, this feels very hard felt. And I think I understand after hearing her talk, I understand more completely why this is included in folklore. Okay. You know, because she's creating this fictional character in a fictional world where depression has overwhelmed them and they've made a conscious decision that trying equals success and maybe that's enough.

Yeah. You know, and so it could be any one of us at any time. Exactly, yes. Yeah, who knows when this could happen to any of us, you know? Yeah. Okay. This is me trying. Lyrical strength.

It was really good. 97? Okay. Narrative structure. Yeah. Yes. She did leave me with that haunting image of someone at their car at the cliff. I love the opening metaphor, the shiny versus the rusting.

Me too, yeah. Yeah. So 98. Okay. Production and atmosphere. Yeah, I mean, the song was fine. It had a dark and quiet, contemplative tone. I loved in the video that she put the words up on a.

on an old, derelict drive-in screen. Yeah. It was fun. Yeah. Without speakers. Obviously, they used to telecast, they used to broadcast by radio. I think they still do that. Do they?

Yeah. There's a drive-in at theater close to my house. But I like the fact that they just left all those poles. Yeah. Oh, 92. Okay. LOR and Literary References and Devices. Not a lot of.

literary references. No. But her usual good work with things like juxtaposition or paradox or irony. And so 96. And not a 976. And emotional impact. Yeah, I said at the beginning it didn't affect me emotionally and personally. But again, after hearing her talk, it made me really think about, yeah, my school days were so important to me and so instantly gratifying.

You know, every report card I got, I went, ah, yes. Again, A's. Look at all those A's. And, you know, I felt affirm. Same, yeah. And it's so weird to me because today, you know, I mentioned before that I had a Latin teacher who was instrumental in my life. That she taught me not only Latin, but also how to read, how to be, how to study. She taught me dedication.

And, you know, she gave me so many life skills. and when I think about her, what I care the least about were the A's I took away from her class. Yes, yeah. What I care the most about are all the lessons she taught me and the use of the language that stays with me today. Yeah, the skills. Yeah, the skills. So I think I feel more emotionally attached to the song after hearing her speak about it. I was going to say about an 88, but I'm pushing up now.

I'm pushing up to a 93. Okay. Okay. And that gives us a 95.2. Yeah. That's good. It's clearly a song that examines, you know, someone who has trouble. Yeah.

And just trying. That's enough. Just stay with us. Yeah, exactly. One more day. Just for today and tomorrow. And then we can reassess. If you're struggling, stay with us.

Yes, please. Yeah. Okay. Hey, that's folklore. We did it. We finished an album. I can't believe this. Feels exciting.

Yeah, and a little scary. Now we have to do like the album holistically. Yeah. Yes, we got to embrace it, hold it in our hands and go, what does it all mean? How does it all fit together? Yes. Okay.

Okay, so come back for that next week. I have no clue how long that episode's going to be. Yeah. We'll see. Yeah, or how many episodes it'll be. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so come back next week for the in summation of folklore. And make sure you're following along everywhere.

Make sure you subscribe to wherever you listen, watch this podcast. If you can subscribe and rate us and review us, that would be great. And you can follow on Instagram and TikTok at Swiftian ScholarPod. You follow Uncle Jerry on Instagram at Dr. Uncle Jerry. and you can follow me at Angela Wyatt McDowell. I also have a new YouTube channel. It's linked below. Come follow me over there for some more swifty stuff.

And we will see you next week. Bye.