The Team House - Former Green Beret Live from Ukraine | Ryan Hendrickson | Ep. 140

Episode Date: April 9, 2022

Ryan Hendrickson is a Special Forces Engineer in the U.S. Army. Ryan transferred over to the Army in 2008 after completing enlistments in both the Navy and Air Force. Ryan has many military deployments including Iraq, Afghanistan, and several South and Central American countries. Ryan’s decorations include the Silver Star, four Bronze Stars, a Purple Heart, and an Army Commendation Medal with Valor. When not abroad, he calls Florida home. Find Ryan here: https://www.instagram.com/tipofthespearrmh/?hl=en https://ryanmhendrickson.com/ https://www.amazon.com/Tip-Spear-Incredible-Injured-Berets/dp/1546084797/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr= Today's sponsors: Boikey's Biltong https://BOIKEYS.com/ Think beef jerky but tastier and healthier! Go to https://BOIKEYS.com/ and use the promo code “TEAM10” for 10% off your purchase. Chill Boys Undies https://www.CHILLBOYS.com/ Save 15% on your first order by using our discount code "TEAM15" And keep the boys cool! https://www.CHILLBOYS.com/ Thank you for supporting the companies that support the show! For all bonus content including: -2 bonus episodes per month -Access to ALL bonus segments with our guests Subscribe to our Patreon!👇 https://www.patreon.com/TheTeamHouse Team House merch: https://teespring.com/stores/my-store-10474963 Social Media: The Team House Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.team.house?utm_medium=copy_link The Team House Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheTeamHousePod Jack’s Instagram: https://instagram.com/jackmcmurph?utm_medium=copy_link Jack’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/jackmurphyrgr?s=21 Dave’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/dave_parke?s=21 Team House Discord: https://discord.gg/wHFHYM6 SubReddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheTeamHouse/ Jack Murphy's memoir "Murphy's Law" can be found here: https://www.amazon.com/Murphys-Law-Journey-Investigative-Journalist/dp/1501191241 The Team Room Reading Room (Amazon Affiliate links): https://jackmurphywrites.com/the-team-room-reading-room/ Intro music by https://www.youtube.com/user/RemixSample Want to sponsor the show? Email: 👇 [e-mail] #specialforces #tipofthespear #ukraineBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-team-house--5960890/support.

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Special Operations, Covert Ops, espionage, the Team House, with your hosts, Jack Murphy and David Park. Hey, everybody, and welcome to episode 140 of the team house. team house. I'm David Park, the co-host Jack Murphy. Tonight with us is Ryan Hendrickson, who wrote Tip of the Spear. Ryan is a former Navy, former Air Force, and former Special Forces won the Silver Star. And just his story alone is worth talking about, but something even more topical. We will get to a story because it's incredible. but something that's very topical is Ryan right now is also in Ukraine.

And Ryan, can you tell us a little bit? And normally we start to show by asking people their origin story, how they grew up and what led them in the military. And we'll get to all that in a second. But if you'd like to tell us sort of what led you to Ukraine. Yeah, no, first of all, I appreciate you guys having me on. It's awesome. So Ukraine, I was actually a government contractor at the time.

And about, probably about four days, within four days, I decided, you know, no, I don't want to be a government contractor anymore. Yes, I want to figure, I want to do something more. And I don't know. It was just, you know what? I wonder if they need any, I wonder what I could do. what kind of help I could be in Ukraine. So I got to thinking, well, I mean, I've done enough trigger-pulling time. So I wonder what else can I do over there?

Because I'm not a missionary. I'm a Christian, but I'm not a missionary or anything like that. And I have a buddy, David Cunningham, who told me, hey, man, we got this group in Kiev. And what they do is we load up vehicles with, you know, food and supplies and we take it into areas that the military is just liberated or take it into hard hit areas and get get food and comfort and hope to people that need it and then you know also we'll load load up vans full of people and get them to bordering countries for safety i was like

yeah let me let me let me give this a shot so yeah it was like four days from flash to bang and i was I was in Poland, kind of looking around wondering like, oh, oh, I actually did this. So that's pretty much how it all went down. I quit one job and came over here to volunteer. And I guess when I get home, I'll figure out what I want to do when I grow up. And what, so is this a like a church organization or is it a non-governmental organization? Or how is it run and funded? So it's actually a missionary organization.

And I mean, even though in 43, it's called a Youth with a Mission or YWAM. And yeah, they're all over the world doing missionary work. But I guess what so my, again, my buddy, he's very well connected with YWAM. And what kind of piece to me was the fact that it was, it was more. getting out and helping the people and not doing what I'm not good at. And that would be, you know, kind of, I guess what I thought was a missionary was you're walking around with the Bible and you're trying to preach the word of God to people, which is fine. It's just not me. You know, if you want to know my beliefs, we can talk. But if not, you're, then okay.

But yeah, it was just the fact that they were out. Their way of, I guess, preaching was through help. And that help is supplies and food and, you know, giving people a little bit of hope that as I've come to see over the last two weeks have lost everything. And some destruction that, again, I've been to Afghanistan a lot, but I've never seen anything on this scale. So what have you seen? When you first got there and since then, where have you been and what's your general impression of? So when I actually first got here, I kind of felt, you know, for a minute like Jason Boren, I thought I was like, yeah, this is great. Just made it across the border into Poland.

And then I came to realize, like, a lot of people do that. You're not that cool. Like that sucks. but I got into leave and then from leave it's a you know so we stayed the night there and then because of all the curfews and everything like that

and then the next day we started our movement to Kiev and I was thinking you know I'm driving into this just because of the news and everything I was thinking I'm driving into this bombed out city it's gonna this is gonna be I guess Aleppo after the Russians were done

kind of thing. And so we start to drive, you know, from leave to Kiev. And every checkpoint we hit, Ukrainians are looking at my passport. They're just like, are you a real American or kind of an American? I'm a real American. There's no ties to Ukraine or anything. Cool. Well, and they kept thanking me for coming in.

And I was just like, dude, you guys got your own shit to worry about. You don't need to be thinking me for anything. But there was a point in the trip where you're coming up over this bridge. And I didn't realize how big Keith was. It's huge. It's massive. And so the amount of troops that Russia brought to Ukraine to take over the country is I was like, oh, dude, you guys greatly. He did not know your geography, just like me.

This place is huge, and it's beautiful. It's an amazing-looking city. But with all the beauty, like, everything's fortified. There's, there's DFP's everywhere. The roads, there are serpentines, non-stop, you know, from the, you know, the metal, you know, the metal like crackerjack barricades everywhere. I don't know what they're called, but, um, and it's just said, everyone's packing. And I was just like, wow.

But yeah, the city was, was absolutely beautiful. And well, I mean, it still is. I'm still here, but the city is beautiful. And it wasn't what I thought. I was thinking, again, Aleppo or something like that. And then, yeah, you know, I got in first, you know, first, you know, first, week you're you're hearing the explosions out you know on the outskirts of the city and everything like that but it wasn't you know that's that that's what i expected it's like okay hey it's

it is a war zone and it wasn't until the government had taken back um so the ukrainians had taken back europe and bucha um it wasn't until then until i actually was like oh this is what okay gotcha this is this place is yeah this is bad what are you finding when you go into these recently liberated areas

I mean these were areas that were held by the Russians for what over a month the news the entire world has seen news about the discovery of mass graves civilians executed with their hands tied behind their backs some really horrific scenes as someone who is there

and has been there I mean, what was your experience seeing in these neighborhoods? Yeah, we've been, we've been going back to Buccia. So the surrounding area, the areas of European Buccia, and then there's a village people aren't really talking about. They call it Big Dermarka. It's just, it's absolutely flattened. And we went in there with hundreds of bags of food.

And what I mean by a bag is we have, you know, a bag would be the rice and the oil and, you know, just everything into one bag that they can live on for, well, I don't know how long, but hopefully long enough to where we can get back with another one. And yeah, we gave out like 13. That was all the people that were left there, whether they were evacuated or I don't want to speculate, but they're underneath the rubble. I don't know. But the stories, the the civilians suffering um just that it's you know i mean in war it's every everybody knows civilians are the ones that suffer the most but i've actually never seen it on this level because of the amount of destruction in you know bocha and european and then especially like

big america um absolutely devastating and so um ukrainian grandmothers are famous around the world because they're very hard. They're hard women. And they just, and they're the one, they're usually the ones that stayed behind because I've learned in Ukrainian culture, it's for Babushka, or I think that's what they're called. It's, it's, it's better to die than to leave your home. So, and so that's the majority of, you know, of who's coming out of, I guess, the rebel and whatnot. And so the stories we're hearing. One lady, it really, you know, it was pretty big eye-opener for me.

She, you know, she found out who we were and came out and then, you know, just obviously, tears, well, I don't know about obviously, but tears start flowing. and she told us her son went out to get food and the Russians had killed him, shot him and they

and so she got his body and they wouldn't let her move him and then when she was able to move him, she could only move him to a park bench and she had to go to the commander of the town and request his permission to bury

her son and he's said, no, you have to wait for three days. And then she couldn't bury him in the cemetery. She had to bury him in the park where we were delivering food to her. So I kind of sat there and I just thought like, man, you had to, the guys that just did this, you had to ask their permission to put your son in the ground. And they had said, no. Wow.

So, you know, just stuff like that. And I guess as far as the devastation and those stories are nonstop. And then one of the parts of war that I, I guess that bothers me probably deeper than anything else is the rapes. And it's not really being talked about that much. So, but, you know, I mean, people can do their research. They, yeah, it's whatever. But yeah, that's seeing those people. It's pretty rough.

Well, I mean, if you're not comfortable talking about it, it's okay, of course. But, I mean, if there is something that you want to share with, you know, the world right now, I think that now's a good time to let people know what the hell is going on over there. Yeah, I mean, it's, I mean, it's, I mean, there's a lot of suffering. I'm a very big, I guess, supporter of if, you know, I don't, I don't listen to a lot of people when they, when they say, oh, yeah, this is happening or this is going on back, you know, whether it's the states or whatnot, because people will, people will spend stories their own way for their own agenda or their own experiences or what they want people to get out of it. And, but, yeah, I, you know, I do believe what I'm hearing and I do believe what I'm seeing because there's a,

there's a look on a person's face that's, that's been, you know, that's had everything taken from them. And it's, yeah, and it's, it's this, um, Hey, I don't know how to explain. It's just, it's pretty much, there's, I mean, I guess, I guess a easy way to say it would be shell shock, but that's only a term so people can understand it. It's just, they're, they're just ghosts. I don't know. They're blank. It sounds.

And when, when they find out that we're there to help, it's the breakdown of, we're fine, because, I mean, we were in. We were in Bucha, 48 hours after the Russians left. And when they find out, you know, that we're, that that's what we're there to do. And there's no tricks. There's no, you know, it's just one human being caring for another. I've never seen breakdowns like that before. I'm not going to lie. Yeah.

It sounds as if some, a lot of the things are, or there, there's at least a pattern of behavior that goes outside of combat, that there's just like this undercurrent of cruelty of this campaign. I don't know if it's a campaign. I don't know if these are random events or if it's, if it's, you know, like in East Timor where it was a pattern. But it sounds like there's just a lot of cruelty going on in addition to the war. The war.

All I could do is give my opinion from my experience. that I've seen and my experiences are limited to the surrounding areas of Kiev and I mean, yeah, it's there's been some

yeah, there's been some horrific stories that have that have come out and that are continuing to come out from yeah, from these surrounding areas.

And I mean, And, yeah, when we get in there, I just, you know, again, I'm very skeptical all the time. But when we get in there, I'm like, yeah, yeah, this makes, this makes sense. You know, it's look around. Yeah. And then you're seeing, you're seeing what's targeted, what's not, and the randomness of a lot. It's kind of a disgusting term, but we got a tour of Demerca by some, you know, the villagers that were there. And one lady walked us through the events that unfolded.

She said, tank pulled up, broke through the fence, went out and to the field. And you can see all the tracks and everything. and swivel. You can see the tracks and Turrent swiveled over towards her house and just started letting rounds fly. And you could see the recoil from the tank as, you know, round fires and the tank shoots or recoils back. And, yeah, she was walking us through her house and it's gone. She lost everything. And she

just, you know, she found out I was American. Of course, there's a lot of questions for me on that. But she found out I was American. She said, why? You know, why has this happened? What did I do? I don't know. Like, I can't answer that.

So, yeah, so it's stories like that. And then, you know, there was another, you know, another older man. And he walked us through his house. and his grandkids room and it's just, you know, it was a target, and I don't know, I don't know why. So, and there, that's, that's the thing is there's, the city's full of that. Just indiscriminate, fuck it, man, let it fly, see what happens. So I don't know, I wasn't there. I don't know why they were targeted.

I don't know, you know, I don't know the thought process behind, you know, the military objective for some of what I've seen in these areas. But I just, it doesn't meet the common sense test to me. Maybe. Right. And it doesn't, I mean, to you, somebody who's been in combat, quite a bit of combat, it doesn't look like collateral damage. It doesn't look like rounds that went astray. it looks like it looks like this isn't the way that you were trained to conduct warfare oh no we would no we would be we would be under leavenworth if uh if this is if this is how we

conducted ourselves um and there's and and as we you know as these places have been you know liberated and um people are now i mean they're they're scared shitless there's people that still hiding out because they don't know if it's a game, if it's a trick. I guess there was a lot of that being done. But as people are starting to come out, the stories that we're getting is just like how, how, why? That's hate on a whole different level. But again, I'm not the end-all-be-all when it comes to, you know, war. And I know I know there's people that are listening right now that have seen some real war. And it's, and I'm just, this is my experience. And I've never seen collateral damage on this scale before.

I'm, it's, you know, there's, there's a lot of people that have seen some, some really, really bad stuff. But this for me is, you know, as far as civilian suffering is the worst I've ever seen. And Ryan, I mean, for our viewers who don't know you, and know your story yet and they will. But you're not a stranger to war. No. Yeah, no.

Seeing a little bit of it. Yeah. Well, I mean, we really appreciate you sharing these experiences with us and, you know, getting the word out there. You've been posting some videos that you've shot on social media as well. And, you know, I mean, I appreciate that you're not, trying to speculate or trying to like be the end-all, be-all Oracle of the war in Ukraine, but at least sharing your own experiences and your own observations kind of helps the rest of us

understand what's going on in some of these neighborhoods that you visited. Yeah, and that's one question. I do. I chose to post about it, and it's not because the only reason why I chose to post daily videos and updates is for one fact that people need to know what's going on and it needs to be outside of the news media. I understand the media has a job to do and I understand what sells and I know what gathers viewers but they also need to look at you know what's actually happening on the ground and for me the Ukrainians they have a very very good hold of what's going on

And when I'm saying like areas that were just recently liberated 48 hours ago from the Russians, yeah, security is tight. So I'm not worried about anything to do with me. Yeah, there's leave behinds everywhere. But they also know those areas. And we, you know, as it's weird to call myself, but as a civilian, which I was an 18 Charlie. So I'm like, give me a detector, put me in coach. But yeah, they have those areas. They, it's just they have a very good handle.

It's impressive. It's very impressive to see, you know, how their security posture and just they're, you know, what they're allowing us to do because we have a ton of food that we're bringing in. And, I mean, there'll be miles of cars waiting to get through a checkpoint. And they'll bring you up to the very front and just, and thank you for everything you're doing. And this kid just got out of Donbass or Murraypool. And he's just like, thank you so much. I mean, the care that they have for their, for their own, well, yeah, I mean, I guess, I guess some places around the world would benefit from having that kind of camaraderie with their own people. but it's impressive it's impressive right for people who want to follow your posting and kind of keep

abreast of what you're putting out where can they find you um so i do i don't i don't remember my lincoln it's maybe ryan henrickson i don't know um but at um on instagram it's uh it's a tip of the spear rm h and that's That's more of Matman. It shoots over to from Instagram to Facebook somehow. I don't know. Through magic, I guess. And then, but, and then I post a lot on, updates on LinkedIn.

And believe it or not, I put the other Twitter account. Still don't know what I'm doing, but I post there. And it's just tip of the sphere also on, or tip of the sphere 42, I think, on that account. But yeah, I'm just trying to get the word out. I think I should have a better handle on where people can follow me because I always forget. That's all right. They'll find you.

Yeah. Yeah, we'll go and dig up all of those links and put them down the description of the video later. Yeah. So, yeah, unless there's any final thoughts or anything else that you think people need to know, I mean, Dave, we can move on to talking about Ryan's story. personal story. Yeah. Ryan, you, I know when we were talking before the show, you're like, well, I really

haven't done anything to nobody else has done. But I'm going to have to say liar. I'm going to have to argue with you because your story is, it's quite unique. And it's quite incredible because it's not just, it's not just a standard combat story. I mean, you really went through something. I mean, quite amazing that you did. So one of the things we always like to do, because Jack and I are big comic book geeks,

is ask the people on our show, like, what's your origin story? I mean, would you come from another planet and are powered by our son, bitten by a radioact to spider? Like, where did you come from? How did you grow up? And what led you eventually to the military?

Yeah. Yeah, so that's, so I, I claim Oregon as, as my home. I was actually born in Northern California, a small, small logging town called Fall, Fall River Mills. But I claimed Oregon because we went there at a young age, and that's, that was the influential, you know, years of my life. And, yeah, it's just easier. Claim Oregon than California.

Anyways. But, yeah, so, Oregon. Did the normal kid stuff. I mean, we were poor. We moved around a lot, but that's, you know, that's the 80s. Everybody was poor. So that's just kind of how it worked. And in the 80s, you actually just sucked it up and moving on.

Didn't really cry about it because no one gave a shit. And turned 18 and my dad basically said, hey, look, dude. I'm not going to let you be a, you know, 40 shit. what am I, like, I'm not going to let you be 43-year-old man pumping gas at the gas station, telling about your high school senior year, you know, homecoming game. Like, you need, you got to go. He's like, I don't care what you do. I highly recommend the military because his time in service and in Vietnam, whatnot.

He said, but you can't stay here because if I let you stay here, you're never going to leave. And so the military was always, it was always going to happen, whether it was from his influence. or just because, I mean, I had to face the facts. I'm not college material. Yeah, he's, yeah, it's, nah, wasn't going to happen for me. So I started off. This was in the mid-90s, so 97 and nobody really needed anybody. The, I mean, the Army recruiter was like, yeah, man, I mean, we can get you into infantry in like

eight months to a year we don't really need anybody um air force they they are like no dude you're uh you're a special kind of stupid he's like all right cool um uh the marines oh god that recruiter was so scary he was like big buff dude and he had this huge dip in and he was just yelling and screaming and chews going everywhere i was like oh my God, I don't want to be a Marine home. I mean, this guy is really scary. So he scared me out of the Marine Corps, and then the Navy recruiter, it's just like, you know, just like little swag to him. Yeah, man, you want to go to exotic ports and meet exotic women.

Yeah. Like, yeah, you want to be a Navy SEAL, top gun fighter pilot, Tom Cruise. Yeah. It's like, cool, man. sign here, D1, Navy. It's like, oh, right. It's going to be great. And you went straight to top gun, right?

Yeah, yeah. I went straight out to the USS Shreveport and figured out what a Bosen's mate was. And I was like, this is bullshit. No one's. Yeah, I figured it out real quick. And being a Bosen's mate in the mid-90s, that was an eye-opener. But I did what my dad wanted me to do. I saw the world and traveled everywhere and, you know,

was a part of the incident with the U.S. was coal and, you know, got my eyes open to pretty much the first Salvo and war on terror. And then against the military target, sorry, against the military target. And then, yeah, it's did that, did the Navy gig and got out in four years. It was April 2001. It's like, man, they're just brilliant. nothing happening. The world is boring. And so I tried my hand that, you know, being a civilian and didn't work out so well, and then boom, September 11th. So I'm, you know, sitting there trying

to figure out, like, what do I want to do with my life? I don't really know. Is this going to be Somalia where we're going to go in and fire some rounds and, you know, do some. Well, I can't compare it to Somalia because those, The guys over there, they're every single one of them, heroes. But is it going to be one of those things? We're going to fire some tomahawks and then call it a day or, and then we went into Iraq, 2003. It's like, okay, this is, this is actually a thing now. And so I, I joined the military again, but my ex-wife and great, great woman, but my ex-wife, she was prior.

army. She said, absolutely not. You were not joining the army because I wanted to come in as what, you know, 2003 under the X-ray program to be in Green Beret. And that's like, okay. So agreed upon the Air Force and then we got divorced and I went blue to green in 2008 to the be a green beret like I was going to do in 2003. And then boom, it just, you know, everything just kind of went from there and went to seventh group. And, yeah, it was a crazy, crazy military journey, I guess you could say, to where, you know, where I am, well, not now. I'm retired now, but to where I, you know, retired out of his seven special forces group. Before we pick it up there, I just want to give a quick shout out to a sponsor of the podcast tonight.

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com for 10% off. All right. So back to our regularly scheduled program. Now, I just want people to know that, you and I understand like we're kind of focusing more on your time as much for us but you've left out quite a bit first off your family story is quite fascinating your dad's experiences I mean him you know his uh literal sort of come to Jesus moment um you know when he went to go visit uh

his ex-wife's brother right I mean like you have a very a very fascinating uh childhood. And I think that there are a lot of things that sort of lodged at that point that sort of stayed with you over time that you, that you had to overcome, right? Yeah. I mean, that was, you know, that was a pivotal moment in my dad's life. And when he was, you know, going to my uncle Steve's house, he was going there to drop my sister Wendy and I off. And he had his shotgun in the car. And he was, you know, he was going to, to end his own life. You know, I guess the Vietnam demons, you know, just kind of and then just life in general. But thankfully, as, you know, as people probably read the book, you know, there was, and, you know,

you can take it for what it is, whether you believe in miracles and angels or not, that's fine. it's up to you. But I believe that an angel, you know, visited him that day because the guy came up out of nowhere. It's like, you just creep around out in the woods waiting for a dude to want to blow his brains out to come up and spread the word of God. Like, what's up, dude? But yeah, he did. He's, yeah, hey, you look like he can use some help. And the dude ended up being a preacher. And my dad never saw him again and all kinds of stuff. That was the night my dad found God. Wow.

Yeah, so it was, yeah, and we're over at my uncle Steve's house trying to, well, I'm just a little kid, but my sister remembers it very well. But over there trying to figure out what's going on. And, yeah, I mean, it's, it was, it was about her to be a real, real bad day for a guy that, you know, just had, in his mind, he just had no other options. but and unfortunately there's a there's a lot of people today um a lot of veterans today that that that have hit the same same spot as my dad did um and yeah they're uh that that angel you know it's yeah they're i mean the the suicide rates high and and it's it's unfortunate and it's it's heartbreaking and it's what's even worse is you can't really talk to someone in the military that doesn't know of somebody or knows somebody personal who who hasn't committed

suicide. So I'm just like, wow, we got to do something about this. And your dad actually became a pastor out of that, right? He did. He did. He ended up going to Bible college and then, you know, this is, this is all not right off the bat, but this is all throughout the years, went to Bible College and then pastor to church for a while, which is what brought me to my, the town that I call my hometown, because that was the place I lived the longest at. I was there for five years, but Lowell, Oregon. And so I call Lowell my hometown because, you know, five years was the longest I ever lived in one place until, until I joined, actually until I joined the Army and got stationed at 7th Group.

And once we made the move from Bragg over to Egglin, it's like, wow, I've been here 10 years. Holy cow, I guess this is now my new hometown. So, but I'm always going to be an Oregon duck and in Seattle, Cia. So I got to stick with Oregon. But yeah, that was up to that point, Lowell, Oregon, five years, as long as I ever lived in one spot. and it's like, yeah. All right, little Oregon's hometown, they're good. And then you went into the Navy, and then you went to the great mistakes, right?

And then for your boot. And for the people who don't know how, how, like, what is the exciting, sexy life of a Boatson's mate on board a ship? Yeah, I mean. Did you chip paint? Oh, yeah, chipped a lot of paint. I busted a lot of rust. I was on an amphib first, so, I mean, well-deck operations. And then the, I mean, but it's, you work hard as opposed to is made underway at sea.

When you're not doing daily tasks, whether it's underneath the needle gun or in some lead-based paint locker and you're in there sand in a way not knowing what you're doing your money because it's the 90s and no one really cared um you're standing watch and you're either driving the boat which is the helmsman or controlling the engine which is the lee helmsman or one of the watch one of the lookouts you know forward aft starboard port blah blah blah so yeah i mean you work and so the navy actually did something correct they were like look we're going to work the dog shit out of these dudes so they don't complain about their living conditions because the birthing areas in your coffin locker and the little paper thin mat you get for a for a mattress is like this sucks so for them to not notice this we're going to have to work the crap out of it and so yeah it's like that perfect best nice sleeps i ever got was ship just slightly rocking back and

and you just got dog shit worked out of you all day. And then you were in the Air Force. You were ammunition handling. You went to Qatar. And you met some SF guys there, right? No, in Iraq. In Iraq. Okay, sorry about that.

Oh, Iraq. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I was an ammo troop, and that was an awesome job. Great, great camaraderie. family, you know, the family atmosphere that you have in a job, especially the year I spent in Korea. That was the best year of my military career. I'll leave it at that one.

So, too. Has it never true. And playing rugby for the base team. So it was pretty cool. But yeah, I went to Iraq and we were in Kirkuk and there's these guys and they'd always, you know, roll out at night, roll back in early morning and they're bearded

out and they just don't give a fuck look. The cool guy look, I guess. Pockets on the sleeves. Yeah, rule number one, always look cool and you know, it's just like, all right. And so we'd see them and then we'd do our own little speculation about

what we thought we knew from whatever I don't know Jack Carr movie I don't even know if that was out by then but yeah

whatever you thought you knew about it was like oh I got bloody who knows this dude he's a he's a

can't say it out loud but he's a green beret it's like oh shit that's a real thing like oh yeah

yeah I got a friend who knows one like oh I'm so awesome stupid now that I look back on it

I'm like wow what a dumb little fan boy but yeah I ended up meeting these guys one dude was in the gym and he

I forgot how the whole conversation went down but it went over you know like hey man you give me a spot and yeah okay and you know you're trying to be cool like you know I've met a bunch of you guys but inside you're just like

oh shit dude you're you're what we all talk about over there while we're you know smoking because we think from all the war movies you're supposed to smoke when you're out at war because that's just what you do. I've seen the movies. Yeah, we're cool, right? Not cool at all. But we ended up getting a talk and he told me, he's like, yeah, dude, we got a guy on our team that was former Air Force. Like, really? You can just do that? Yeah, I guess you can't. He switched over Air Force to Army and went through the Q course. And so that kind of got

I guess the little hamster running around up my head. And I always kept that in the back of my head. And once I got in my divorce, I was going to the personnel office to change my records. You know, I guess it's the Air Force equivalent to S-1. I don't know what it was called. But I went in there and there was this poster on the wall and it had this guy in a uniform. and half of the uniform was Army Class A's, and the other half was Air Force dress blues.

And it said, go blue to green. All right, let me ask about this. And it was about two weeks later, and I was at Montgomery MEPs and processing into the Army. Being a parent can be really challenging. It's normal to feel uncertain about whether you're doing the right things to raise healthy and happy children. That's why Child and Family Resource Network focuses on connecting pregnant parents

and those with kids under the age of five with free support services to help them build confidence in their parenting journey. Everyone deserves to have someone they can turn to for support with parenting. Visit child and family resource network.org today. Being a parent can be really challenging. It's normal to feel uncertain about whether you're doing the right things to raise healthy and happy children. That's why Child and Family Resource Network focuses on connecting pregnant parents and those with kids under the age of five with free support services to help them build confidence in their parenting journey.

Everyone deserves to have someone they can turn to for support with parenting. Visit child and family resource network.org today. Being a parent can be really challenging. It's normal to feel uncertain about whether you're doing the right things to raise healthy and happy children. That's why Child and Family Resource Network focuses on connecting pregnant parents and those with kids under the age of five with free support services to help them build confidence in their parenting journey. Everyone deserves to have someone they can turn to for support with parenting. Visit child and family resource network.org today. Did they, did you like, did they release you from the Air Force and then you signed a new contract for the arm?

How did that transfer work? So it was called the blue to green program. And apparently, I guess I was a civilian for like a minute to do the transfer. And then I was picked up by the Army and just kind of, you know, started that path there at MEPs. But they, so there's programs now from what I'm hearing. And I think it's, I think it's an amazing. idea. There's a lot more inner service

operability. So from the Air Force you could actually well yeah probably Air Force also but from the Army I had a friend who was like yeah dude I'm going to go to combat control

selection and he was an officer so I'm assuming or it was like Crow or something I don't know special tactics whatever it is but yeah he goes over keeping his same rate and everything and he's still in the army and then once he makes it through the pipeline then he does the interservice transfer that's interesting i don't know about that yeah and then i guess it's the same way with like the air force

dudes go into selection and i don't know at one i don't know at one or at what point you're transferred over to the army but yeah you go over there and if If shit doesn't work out, it's like, oh, well, I'll just go back to my whole job then, which is good and bad, because having that escape option is, you know, that's not a good, that's not a good bailout you want when it really starts getting, getting shitty and you're freezing cold. Right. Right. You don't have the easy option. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going back to Ranger Battalion. Oh, boy.

or if I don't make it through this, that looming, I'm going to the 80 second, which again, very, very storied unit and everything like that. But you knew the minute you didn't make it through selection or didn't make through the Q courts or something like that. Yeah, you're at the first sergeant's office probably the next day signing in to whatever unit he needed you at. So that was always a good, like, yeah, I don't really want to go and kill my body jumping out of planes every freaking other day. Full combat load or anything like that. But now, 80 seconds, awesome. They're solid organization. But that was my.

Right. We got you. Well, and so when you went from the Navy of the Air Force, you didn't go through Air Force. basic, correct? You went through Navy basic, but you didn't go through everyone's basic. But then when you went to Army, you did have to go through through boot camp there. So it was your second boot camp. Right. So there was a little miscommunication when, so I went to this warrior transition course. It was a joke. I don't, I don't know. I don't even know what it was. But it was in New Mexico.

And then I showed up to Fort Benning because I was supposed to go through. advance infantry training. Well, I didn't really get the whole memo on what bus you were supposed to be on. And so when they, you know, I knew how to play the games. Like yelling, screaming started happening. It's like, all right, whatever, dude, got it. You know, line up here, bags here. I got it, whatever.

File ended the door. Okay, whatever. Got it. And it was like a couple days in this first time. Hey, man, you Ryan Hendrickson? Yeah. I was, dude, you're not supposed to be here. You're holding until you get to AIT.

Because you've already missed that AIT class. And I was like, well, I mean, okay. But I asked him if I could just stay. You know, I went through the divorce. And I just asked if I could stay. It's like, look, man, I need to keep my mind off shit. And I actually really like this. Like, I'm having a good time.

here. And he said, hey, you're going to have to play the game. Then I said, okay, you got it. And yeah, it was awesome. It flew by. And next thing you know, it's like, all right, dude, you're going to airborne school now. And it's, oh, right, it's going to be great. And I realized it is not great. It was horrible. It was the only point where I was like, you know what, this may not be for me. It was horrible. I mean, geez, that's that's the worst course I've ever been to. And it's super professional. But I didn't realize how scared of heights I was until, yeah, it was just like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I didn't sign up to do this. Just land the plane, man. We'll get off guns, blazing. Do great things for God and countries.

He's like, I'm, no, why would I do that? That is dumb. You know how much I wait right now? Like, no, I'm not jumping out of this. Yeah, I hated everyone in school. I was scared. Now, you went in with an 18 X-ray contract. So you knew that you were going straight.

You went to a, for the 18 X-rays, though, they had a course for you guys set up prior to SFAS though, right? Yeah, so we had the x-ray course and pre-selection, I guess you could call it. And, yeah, it was, it was brutal. It was so brutal that when we got to selection, it was kind of a break. Yeah, most x-rays, they get selected. and it's because during the x-ray portion or the pre-selection portion or the pre-selection portion.

Sopsy. Yeah, you're, yeah, I just, I mean, I just got to tell people, just go experience it, man. I mean, it's. You went through during like the Gigpit era, didn't you, where everyone was getting Mercer and the, uh, my God, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's, it was bad. And there's, it was just, but it did its job. I mean, we went to selection and it was like, this is it. Yeah.

And there's people, there's people quitting left and right. I mean, I think we maxed out our selection class at 405, something like that. They were to a point to where they were actually doing rucksack inventories. Like, oh, that's only three pairs of socks. You're gone. Failure to, you know, follow instructions. And it's like, oh, you guys are over class. class right now.

But yeah, we started out huge, and at the end there was like, there was 56 of us still standing. And all of us X-rays, man, it just wasn't selection wasn't that bad at all. It was like, man, this is

all right, cool. And moving on. So I did its job. The pre-selection or the X-ray course. Yeah, it was pretty brutal. Yeah. And then from there you went to 18 Charlie through the Q course. Yeah. Did you select that or is that what you wanted to do? I did, yeah, for the demolition portion of it. What I didn't realize is stateside you are a professional logbook key.

deeper. You do inventories upon inventories upon inventories. And I'm like, well, what about all this cool blowing up stuff? And they're like, nope, but we got another inventory. Like, what's going on? Yeah. So I turned into a special forces, what would they call them a logstition or something? Yeah. Logistician. Yeah. And then I, yeah, and it wasn't until I got to Afghanistan. It's like, oh, okay. yeah, this is the coolest job on an ODAA. But stay side? Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no. You're the jack of all trades, even if you have zero clue what you're doing. It's like, well, you went through the Charlie course. You should know this. But they didn't teach you pallet ability to the Charlie course. Like, I'll figure it out. Doogle.

So when you got to have. Yeah. When you got to Afghanistan, how did your job change? You said, you know, like, what was it like there? Because it was pretty intense from what you described in your book. Yeah, I mean, we, so we were, we got sent in at the beginning of the surge. And, I mean, it was, I mean, Admiral Mullen flew out to our PMT. Just that fell us good luck.

And in America, when you say, good luck that means you're probably getting fucked up. It's just, yeah, you know, whether it's sports or whatnot. Yeah, if someone tells me good luck, I'm automatically looking for like, where's the threat? Because why did you just tell me good luck? It's funny, actually, we were driving back from the Buccia area today. And Ukrainian checkpoint guard, he's like, oh, American.

And it's like, yeah, he goes, good luck. It's like, oh, shit, dude. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? So, but yeah, get to Afghanistan, it was definitely as the Charlie, one of the, one of the, um,

um, um, sub-tasks, I guess that is, is not really pounded on in the Charlie course. but once you get to Afghanistan, because explosives are explosives are explosives, is you are now the ODA's IED expert. It's like, come again? Yeah. So, yeah, I just, I got with our Afghan counterparts who are truly the experts and just started learning everything I could because I learned on the fly with IEDs. But yeah, it was getting.

know, getting over to Afghanistan was it, I mean, it was so awesome, especially on an ODA team. And now, you know, because I've had great jobs throughout the military. I've been really well taken care of. But I was always missing something. I was missing that, you know, that threat. The, the, when someone says, you know, kind of like, yeah, I'm glad I made it through that. I never had that experience before in the military, you know. So I was just kind of, you know, it was, it was that question.

that, well, unfortunately, men for thousands of years have gone and died searching for, and what would I do when the bullets start flying? Right. Or, I guess, arrows, whatever. But what would I do? How am I going to react? And so I was able to answer that question very, very, very quickly in 2010. Yeah.

Yeah. Like within three days. So it's 2010 when you deploy. So it's later on in the war, it's like midway, but there was a surge. And I mean, I don't know how much it was still being talked about that point, but you guys were in a very hot area. And I didn't know this about 18 Charlies, but you were basically the EOD route clearance for patrols, the patrols and the operations you guys would go out on. Yeah, yeah. So 18 Charlie, again, you're the demo expert for the team.

And then when it comes to the situation on the ground in Afghanistan, IEDs are, you know, that's that, that, that, that's the main killer right there. So now, because those are explosives and you're the demo guys. So hey, guess what? Good luck. Good luck. Yeah. So we, yeah, so I, you know, I learned quickly about rock clearance and everything like that. And, um, and clearance operations, huge.

huge deal and then, you know, just starting to learn the tricks of the trade. You go into a village and no one's around. You're, again, good luck. You're probably getting in a mix a little bit. But yeah, with IEDs, I mean, that's the name of the game there and especially the areas that we were in. And, you know, if the Taliban know you're there, which they do. And they're going to be putting those IEDs out there.

And they started doing it in main avenues of approach, but they figured out that, you know, most we learn quickly and we'll take, you know, the path left less traveled to try and avoid the IED. So then they just started, well, I guess I would take this path. So I'm going to put in a, you know, a tow popper here, put in a wall charge there or something like that. They learned from our tactics very well.

I mean, extremely impressive. But, but yeah, it's, it was the name of the game is iEDs and yeah you'd get i mean tons of gunfights but most of the time those gunfights were to suck you into iEDs so because technically well it's not technical at all that's a dumb word but realistically iEDs are extremely easy to find if no one's shooting at you very easy take your time you know just look for ground side look for choke points, look for places where people, yeah, I mean, I've got to go through here, probably going to be an IED there.

Very easy. You start adding in gunfire and that 762 zipping around and all of a sudden it doesn't become easy anymore. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So they like to add a little panic to it to suck you in the IED, baby chains or whatnot like that.

Right. And knowing our tactics, they would set up ambush points where they knew where you would seek cover and have IEDs waiting for you or that cover or consume. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. There was, I mean, I mean, I got to a point on a, you know, after however many deployments Afghanistan, it's like, look, dude, they're that, they're trying to, they want to get the audio of it.

They want that 762 zipping around, cracking all over the place. So you run for cover. It's instinctive to us. Right. Take, you know, you start taking fire, you know, find cover, support. suppress. Do not take cover in a place that

hasn't been cleared. And man, I would just pound it because the 2012 trip into Pangewe I mean, they were masters at IED in areas that we would take cover. I could go out into we would go from mounted to

dismounted and I could look out and see a small mud hut wall and it's like, yep, there's where we're going to take fire from. There's the Daisy chain. And I was most of the time I was right. And it's not because I was good. They just, all of Pansuay was I-ED, so it was really easy to sound smart. But, you know, it's got to.

So I want to talk about 2000, but we got to talk about 2010 first because that was, that was a seminal event, right? September 11th, you crossed the Hellman River. And then. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So September 11th, we kicked off this big. valley clearance. It was the Chitou River Valley. So even though it was on the Helmand River,

a mistake I made in the book, whatever, it was Arrugian province, bordering Holman province. Like we were riding the border. My bad, I overlooked that part. But we, yeah, we were clearing all the way up to Firebase Cobra from basically the Helmand River Bridge. So it was a large, clearance operation multiple ODAs, commandos, Afghan SSF and everything. And our ODA, we were tasked with the Southern Park moving north to meet up with the, I guess, the guys that were doing the middle push. And that was all the commandos and anything like that. So September 11th kicks off.

We get to our last covered concealed, wait for the green light. Now it's September 12th. All right. Greenlight start moving into the first set, started the first village. I guess I think it was called Sartutu, if I remember correctly. But yeah, started the dismounted movement to Sartutu, and we had not seen movement there for a long time. Because before that, we were actually living out of this old farm compound chickens and stuff like. like that and we had been living there for months just doing just presents and I guess it would be

well it was a cop but it would be a very long LPOPI I guess you could say just watching the movement along the river getting in fights every single day like clockwork we knew when we were gonna break for lunch we knew when when it was you know okay yeah dinner's coming up yeah that's probably it for the night okay it was just It was clockwork. But the problem with that is everybody up and down the river knew we were coming. Because why would Americans just be sitting there? There's nothing.

There's no reason why they're here other than that. And there was reports about 2,500 to 3,000 fighters in the valley. And it's like, wow, this is cool. This, yeah, we're going to mix it up. But, yeah, so from the last cover concealed, We get green light and start moving towards our tutu. And as with everything in the military, we rehearsed it, rehearsed it, rehearsed it. It's like, all right, this is what we're doing.

Cool. You guys got it. Good? Well, yeah, good. All right, good. Afghans are out of court. All right. And we had a, we had a militia with us.

And so it wasn't, you know, we didn't have Afghan regulators or anything like that. It was a militia force. and you know it's all right yeah you guys want to take back your area cool let's do it been training you guys are you guys are badass we get up to you know about 25 meters from the first set of compounds that you know my element is going to clear because the americans we had broken up the oda into a bunch of different elements two americans 12 afghans so i had the southern most compounds which strangely enough were the only ones we'd ever really taking contact from.

I was like, okay, well, great. Maybe I go to shoot somebody. I don't know. And we get to the last point and look back. It's like, all right, guys, just like we rehearsed. Let's go do it. Go do good things for your country. Always in my discipline. Let's go do it. All right. Hey, what's

the hold up? Hey, Nick, that was our turn. Hey, dude. Tell them. Let's fucking go. Mr. Ryan, there's a problem. Really? What's the problem? They said it's too dangerous. They're not going to go.

But yeah, we practiced it all. Remember all the sticks and the, yeah, we did all this. They have to go. No, they don't. They said they're not going to go. Hmm. What? What do they want to do?

Sun's going to be coming up. We got to get off the high ground. I mean, what do they want to do? They said you should go first because you're American and you're better trained. And you have more equipment. It's like, yeah, if this was Texas, I would agree with you 100%. I would lead the way. But at this point in the war, this is for you.

Like, no. So I turned around to tell my counterpart, it's like, hey, man, these guys aren't going. They refuse to go. and he grabs me. He's like, dude, get Nick away from that compound because we had one turt for our entire ODA. So there's, I don't know, I can't remember how many Afghans were with us,

but basically we lose Nick. You're not communicating with a militia. And pointy-talkie with a militia is, I don't think that's a good idea when the bullets start flying. So he told me, hey, get Nick away from that compound because Nick had, ran down to the compound breach point and he was just like trying to do this this afghan rambo thing follow me or something i don't know what he was doing but stupid so yours truly here i was like

oh yeah let me go out there and get him completely forgetting i have this thing called a mind detector that i could have cleared down to him but no no no i had you know the old outrun in the headlights thing happens a lot with the new guys I guess so I moved moved down from the compound moved down the compound and grabbed it was like dude wrong move pulling away from the breach and kind of push them back and then I turned so my gun was in you know so my gun was facing the unknown because for all we know there's people behind that compound wall that are waiting to just light us up So I turned so my M4 is facing to the unknown and he starts moving back to, you know, our last position. And, you know, I'm kind of doing the peek over.

But then out of the corner of my eye, I see something, you know, a little shining object that I, well, I just got to check it out because maybe I get to shoot it. And so I stepped inside of the breach and, boom, stepped on a pressure plate IAD in the doorway or breach point, whatever you want to call it. So, yeah, so that, you know, I hit this IED, but I didn't actually know what happened. And it didn't hurt. But I knew that I couldn't breathe. The dust and the ammonia and it just suffocating. And I was like, I have got to get fresh air. I'll never forget that.

Like, I am going to suffocate here. I've got to get fresh air. But I couldn't stand up. I kept trying to stand up. And I mean, we're loaded down. We have a minimum of three days food, water, bang, ammo, everything on us. And so I'm probably coming in at 300 pounds at that point. But I can't stand up.

And now I'm getting pissed. It's like, what the fuck is going on? Why can't I stand up? And, you know, I was like, all right, dude, calm down, just rucksack, flopped it real quick, and catch your breath. And so I'm just doing this slow. You know, sips of air, waiting for the dust to kind of clear a little bit, trying to calm down. And it still doesn't hurt. And I'm like, okay, recoilous rifle or I have no idea because I've never stepped on an IED before.

And so as the dust starts to clear, all of a sudden, I start to get kind of a visual observation of what happened. And I looked down and my leg was at a 90 degree angle. So my boot was at a 90 degree angle to my leg. And I'm looking at it. I was like, huh, that doesn't look right. I don't remember doing that with my boot. Still hasn't clicked in, you know, the boom and, you know, the whole leg thing. And so grab underneath my knee and pull my leg up and my boot flops over.

And then I see these two, like, you know, the whole leg thing. pearly white objects sticking out of my pants. And, you know, again, I guess my dad was correct. I'm a little slower on the scale. And so I'm like, huh, I wonder what that is. And then all said, bam, the paint train hit me. Oh, man. And, oh, man, it hurts so bad.

And then I'm like, well, what do I say? I mean, I don't, I'm squeaking right now. now because I don't really know what to say, but okay, I'll just say I'm hit. Yeah, that's, that's good. Yeah, you're hit. You're hit. So I just started yelling. I'm hit. I'm hit. And yeah, it just kind of, wow, it's, that's what's that's what led up to to the day that, you know, I mean, it changed my life, obviously, stepped on an IAD. So, but yeah, it is is crazy. And it took the team a hot minute to get to me because as it as everybody knows where there's one there's five um so they got to clear up to you and you know security and you know that's why you have self-aided

and buddy eight it's you know because of situations like that but yeah it um took took us a hot minute to get me out of there because uh metafact couldn't land where we were at they said hey look It's icon chatter, Taliban are celebrating Sharon playing that stupid music. And then they were like, oh, oh, wait, let's ambush these dudes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's do that. That's a good idea. So, Overwatch position starts rocking. We got Taliban fighters trying to close the gap because you can close the gap

that you can't drop bombs. And you can't use mortars and everybody knows that stuff. So they're rushing to try and close the gap. We're like, oh, crap, we are in a really bad situation here. So, yeah, I mean, turnicates were on. I chewed up the fit and all lollipop, so I didn't have really any painkillers in my body at all. And it just went straight from on the ground to quickest way to get him is fireman's carry.

Boom, right up on someone's shoulders. And I was like, wow, this is painful. You discovered that moment that you were allergic to morphine too, right? Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. I got hit with my morphine injector and I broke out with hives everywhere that you could see that didn't have blood on it. I was just like, I guess, hey, 18 Delta, I guess I'm allergic to morphine too, bro, just in case you need to know. Oh, my God.

Yeah, it was a mess. I mean, but it's good to know you're allergic to morphine. So that's good for future reference after that point. But yeah, I just went up on Kyle. He grabbed me and was like, yep, this is what's happening. And we started moving. And I thought it was about 500 meters, but we had talked recently within the last month. And he told me he's like, no stud.

I carried your heavy ass over 1,000 meters. And I was like, oh, oh, wow, dude. Okay, well, hey, thanks, man. Appreciate the help on that one, brother. Good looking out. But, yeah, he told me some stuff that I didn't know before. And he told me, he's like, yeah, dude, you would love, you had bled out so bad. He said, when I put you on the helicopter, the whole team knew that that was it.

you're we would never see you again so and i didn't know that you know and i was just like wow it was that bad he goes it was that bad oh shit because um one of the deltas had a helmet cam video of it and i begged him for and he said dude i had to delete it i couldn't watch that like oh so yeah you got on the medevac and you got on the medevac and you mentioned some really interesting things about the pilots on that medevac uh say that again i said you got on the medevac and in your book you mentioned some really interesting things about the pilots on that medevac yeah oh yeah 2010 i mean regardless of the the carnage that was happening in back that bird these dudes were were professional and it was i mean it was

pick up the patient and we got to get him to the first rule uh what whatever it was. I mean, TK. was a role three or, I don't know, somebody can shoot holes through it if they want. But from the battlefield there, and, and yeah, it's just, I mean, I'll never forget, they were just coming off a run. They had picked up some Canadians that got, that got zipped up pretty good. And then they were in the area to pick me up. and it so basically most of the I can't really remember how it boiled down but it was a it was a resupply bird

yeah I don't really remember I'm kind of fuzzy on all that but one of the things you mentioned I think it was a resupply bird that was like yeah man well fuck it we'll get them because there was a point and there was a conversation that was had where it was like hey look one guy or an entire air crew, you know, what do you think we're going to do? It was something like that. They were just like, dude, we need to keep pushing back. We need to keep pushing back. They

won't land. And there was, they were able to get a hold of a guy that was, or a helicopter crew that was in the area after just, I don't know, it was something, something like they were not a med-a-fact, but they had just picked up some injured Canadians and then picked me up. they got a call once they dropped me off and they engine you know the the the engine screamed again and it took off to go pick up somebody else it was just i mean dudes were getting hit non-stop that you know that year and especially september of 2010 it was like and and i know um that my experience but um september was was probably one of the worst months in the worst year of

the conflict there but one man's experience that's it one of the things that you mentioned that that was really interesting is that like the pilots I mean first off they took the bird to its limits that they were just like screaming

and secondly though that they didn't look back at all that like they didn't want that that was I guess just standard practice from they didn't want that in their memory so they just would not look back at what was going on. Yeah. No, very, very professional. Very, um, yeah, they did, I mean, they did what they had to do because, I mean, 2010, this, this was a, this was that, I don't know,

I wasn't in the air cell, but probably an hourly thing. Yeah. Yeah. So you get to, was it calf that they took you to? So I first went to TK. Okay. And then from TK, it was to calf and the calf to bath and then bath to Germany. Okay, Terranco, that's right, TK. So when you got there, like the nerd, like you overheard a nurse, like basically a pine that you weren't going to make it. Yeah, yeah, it's basically, you know, I was, I was, I was, I was in a pretty bad position. And it's like, hey, yeah, we got to get this guy back and start working now. I mean, I guess it was bad enough to the points where, you know, our Delta left a note with me that said, you know, if you're reading this, you're alive.

And I was like, how bad was this? Wow. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. Okay. And I guess it was a little hair raising. And you had what, like at least two surgeries are right?

You had two really close calls while you were there in TK. Yeah, yeah, there was two close calls. I don't know how many surgeries I would imagine two because of the two close calls. But yeah, I'm not sure. Yeah, I'm not sure how many surgeries were there. It could have been more than that. But yeah, there was, I guess. I guess I was told that I had, and I didn't know this as a word, but I had expired twice.

And I'm like, am I bad milk or something? Like, what do you mean expired? So. But, yeah. And you got to CAF. Was it in CAF or Germany where you started having your nightmares? So Germany is when I first realized like kind of what happened. to me.

And yeah, I just had this crazy-ass nightmare to a point to where, you know, I woke up and I'm, well, I don't know when I woke up, but I remember there's blood everywhere and I'm, I've torn every tube out of my body and there's a nurse, you know, bleeding in the corner and crying and I'm just like, what is going? And everyone's panicking around me. So now I'm panicking and it's just like, what just happened? And yeah, it's just, you know, it's just bad, bad day decided to remove all the, the life saving instruments from my body.

But yeah, it's, I don't know, kind of had to get over that one for sure. And then from CAF, you know, you had to stop in. or in CAFR, Germany, then you had a stop out in Maryland, right, or whatever, and then you went to Texas. Yeah, yeah. So I, um,

the bird was dropping off, um, patients at, um, why I can't remember the big army hospital there. Bethesda or is it? Walter Reed. Walter Reed. That's right. Yeah.

Yeah. So they were dropping off their load at Walter Reed. And then there was a couple of us going to BAMC. Um, Bamsi was huge with, the burns and, you know, limb salvage and stuff like that. So that's, that's where I was going to. Plus, my buddy who, a couple days before me, he had both of his legs blown off. He was at BAMC. So, and some other guys that had lost limbs that I knew about were at BAMC. So that's where, that's

where I, you know, ended up going. And so tell us about your experience, sir, because you had, I mean, I don't even know how many surgeries you had. I mean, you went through a lot there. So what were you initially told about your foot, about your leg and everything? I mean, basically that it's initially it was going to be amputated. I don't know the circumstances that led up to why it wasn't amputated in Germany or Afghanistan besides infections. and if they can contain everything, then and get me to the rear, something like that.

I'm no medical expert, so I don't really know how or why the decision was made, but I showed up at BAMC with my leg still. And this was during the time of, you know, this exploratory surgeries of limb solvers instead of just, you know, chopping limbs left and right. Let's see if we can save them. And so I entered into the limb salvage program early on when it was still, you know, kind of unsure. And I was a good, you know, test subject for them because they flat out said like, yeah, if we can save this limb, this will, this will be the best, the hardest one we've had to save to date because you technically don't have a leg. It's like, oh, okay, thank you.

Now, your doctor you mentioned is Dr. Sue, HSU, right? And basically he's like, he gave you a 10 to 15% chance, but if it happened, it would basically be like a miracle salvage, like history. Yeah, I mean, if it happened, it's going to advance, I guess, limb salvaged technology and practices and whatnot. And it's going to benefit, you know, so many other people that, would, you know, I guess benefit from not having their limbs cut off. So, yeah, but the way it was explained to me by him,

and it was probably explained to me this way because he knew that I was, I'm kind of a dumbass, but he's like, we're going to reattach your leg, dude. Like, oh, well, okay, I didn't know that was a thing. But sounds good, let's do it. you know i i i mean there's so much in your book about personally like you know your your dad showing up and basically staying by your side the entire time and i mean i how many surgeries roughly would you say you had over this time uh 28 yeah and and and there were a lot of times like you mentioned in your book that you're like

why am I doing this? Like, I could just have it cut off and be done with it. Like, there's so much pain involved in all this. The, what is it called the X or the cross? The X-Fix? The X-Fix. Yeah, that ex-skeleton saw movie torture device. Yeah.

And not only were you doing with the pain, but you were also dealing with, like, perception that people are like, Well, you didn't lose your legs, so it couldn't have been that bad. Yeah, that was hard. I mean, people, you know, the misconception of an IED blast was, you know, if you're not missing legs, I mean, how bad could it really have been? Right. And it got to a point to where, I mean, I even questioned myself. I was like, am I that weak of a man to where, you know, this has bothered me so bad.

and this is such a mental mindfield that I can't, you know, I'm having a lot of issues overcoming and I still have my leg. I mean, people said it, you know, oh, you still got your leg. Couldn't have been that bad. Yeah, maybe they're right. Maybe I blew it out of proportion. Yeah. And I mean, that, I can't imagine between the pain and sort of that self-doubt,

and then you could circumvent all this by just saying, you know, just amputate. Prostetics are great, you know. And I know guys who were in that boat and got amputations and came back to work, you know, with a prosthetic. And I think your story is interesting because it sounds as though the medical science reached a point. You know, the people I'm talking about were earlier on in the war. Six years later, seven years later, it sounds like the medical science had advanced to a twist. Well, but he was the advanced. I mean, you're basically volunteering yourself to be an experiment in the way instead of going like the tried and true way. It's like, yeah, instead of like

one big surgery or two big surgeries, go ahead and cut me open 28 times. Let me deal with the skin grafts and and everything that goes along with it. And being an amputee is no picnic either. I mean from what guys go through with the prosthetics. I mean, I don't mean to, I don't mean to make Yeah, I know, no, no, I know what you mean. I mean, like, we talked to, like, Justin Lassick and, and, you know, difficulties he's gone through as a double in. Elena. Alana, yeah.

Alana, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. But, yeah, I just, what I really, one of things I really appreciate about your book was also, like, you talking about your internal process. And, you know, and that idea of, you know, and that idea of, when people, you know, you mentioned like these, you know, young soldiers or whomever,

like seeing you in your wheelchair and seeing your leg and going, oh, it couldn't have been that bad. And how that, like the ramifications that had for your own, for your own thought process and how you saw yourself and how you thought, well, maybe I should just get an amputation or maybe I am just blowing this out of proportion. Yeah. I mean, I really thought about having an amputation. So people would, you know, respect what, you know, what I went through. And in the end, it was, you know, it was a dumb thought process because I thought that visual, I needed that, that, that visual.

Like validation of your injury. Yeah, I needed that visual approval from people to actually know, like, oh, man, yeah, this guy went through some shit. Look, he doesn't have a leg. And, you know, in the end, it's, yeah, I don't know. But the mind, the mental mind games, you know, that that plays be when you have. You know, I, you know, I went through what I went through and probably could have easily went the other way where I was, you know, a flag-draped coffin, but, you know, wasn't and then to have

someone tell you, it's like, oh, well, at least you got your leg. It ain't that bad. Like, who the fuck are you talking? Yeah. Right. But, yeah, amputees, I mean, man, there's, it's, you know, their life has changed forever. That limb is permanently missing. And so there is, there are things that I do benefit from because I still, even though it looks like a chunk of meatloaf, I still have kind of what God gave me. Whereas then with amputees, they don't,

that choice has been taken away from them. And at least I had the choice to go down the limb salvage path or to have the limb basically a couple pieces of skin cut and we're done with it. Right. And so, yeah, I mean, that's, yeah, they amputees, I mean, it's, you know, unfortunately, as of you guys, as you guys do too, I know lots of them. And, yeah, they didn't have that choice, whether it was because of the time of the war they got hit or like Ben Harrell or Will Liles or any of those other dudes, they stepped on an IED that just there was nothing to salvage. Right. It was so yeah.

But for me, at least, you know, I, I had that choice. I had that that 15% chance that we could go ahead. If it works, this is going to help some people out. And if it doesn't work, well, you didn't really have a leg anyway. So whatever. Now, I want to give a quick spoiler. Because this was 2010 when this happened. We talked about operating in Afghanistan in 2012.

So right now, when you're down at Fort is Fort Sam, right? Well, Brooks Army Medical Center. Brooks, okay. So you're thinking you want to go, you want to get back to the fight. What are the doctors? What are people telling you? So, I mean, management expectation is huge. If you set your sights so high and put everything into it and it doesn't work out, then that's, you know, will you be mentally prepared to deal with that quote-unquote failure or not achieving the, you know, the goals that you wanted to, whatever.

So I understand the logic behind, hey, man, you're not going back to combat. This is done. You're actually getting medically retired. So you need to quit going down this brook of, you're setting yourself up for major failure because you just, it's not going to happen, dude. And yeah, I did, you know, between Dr. Shue and Johnny, they were just like, yeah, dude, screw it, man, let's do it. You want to go back? Cool. We'll make it happen. You're the prototypical team guy. Like, I just want to get back out in ODA. Yeah, but the majority of people are doing what they were supposed to do. And that's, you have to manage those expectations because this is not going to happen. You are done. And so, yeah, it was, you know, I mean, I don't know, again, it was a, it's not that I'm some, I'm some badass or anything like that because I'm not.

It just, it happened at a perfect point in the war to where they're like, wow, dude, we need to retain. So I was medically retired. And then because I was green, gray, I was able to get a waiver to stay on, you know, to come back on active duties. because, you know, at the, at the least I could go to the air cell and coordinate, you know, bundles or, you know, whatever, train, go back to brag and, you know, train dudes, gimp around the woods of, you know, camp a call and train dudes or whatnot. We can still get some bang for a buck out of this dude that we just spent, I think, millions to train. I don't know what it is, but I'm going to say millions because it just sounds cool. But yeah, that was the open door that I needed. And again, it was just because it was that time in the military to where they're like, hey, we need dudes.

So that was the open door I needed to get back to group and then to, for the most part, weasel my way back onto a deployment to Afghanistan to the point to where it's like Sergeant Major walking up to me saying, Hey, Stud, what are you doing here? Thanks, surprise. Well, I'm going to have to call bullshit on you saying that you're not a badass because I think the story might be a little more intricate than what you, like, you're telling, and we appreciate you being humble. But first off, you fought them in military, retire and you got the coad, right? or the waiver. And as soon as you were back at,

and your command's Sorda Major, basically I think supported this, right? Yeah, yeah, Brian. I think he supported it because he knew it wasn't going to happen. And then when you got back to seventh group under the coad, which is, yeah, we'll put you in an admin or training rule. Then you got into their Thor three program,

which was their rehabilitation program. where you start P-Ting, like doing physical therapy, working out like a nut. Yeah, I mean, that's, it's, it's pretty much the, you know, the return to war or whatnot. And it's if you've been, most of the time, it's guys that have been injured, not wounded, you know, had a, had a bad jump or whatnot. And if they want to get back on ODA, you've got to go through the Thor program and pass, pass, um, their, their, I guess, evaluations that you're not going to be a liability on a team. And, yeah, I mean, it was hard. It was super hard.

So you weren't just weasling your way onto a deployment. You worked your ass off, I mean, to where you were in some ways in better shape than you were before. Yeah. The weasel part came because the company at all. already deployed. Right. And so not many people really knew who I was because I got blown up my first year in group. And so nobody, you know, my company that actually knew who I was, they're all in, actually

the battalion was all in Afghanistan. So I was just like, hey, I'm with this battalion. Yeah, I'm trying to get over to Afghanistan. And they're like, all right, man, what's your name? cool bro next flight's out of here whatever it is and he's like have your shit ready to go it's like yeah wait really okay so i kind of did a little weasling but you also were given you were like given like passing like your uh it was a paul and dana and and and that whole process like you were

kind of blessed off of like yeah you're your fit now let's talk about your foot your leg at this point because it's not like it's not healed like you still have skin grafts that are tender you have like an exoskeleton or carbon fiber

yeah the yeah instead of having a prosthetic you have the idea of device I don't really know what it stands for it's like introdematic something something I don't know. But yeah, no, could have gave the skin grafts a couple more years to really, you know,

but that just wouldn't be me if I did that. So, so you work your ass off. You get into shape. You get back out in April of 2012 out to Afghanistan. And what's the difference between how your command sergeant major sees you and how your company sergeant major. sees you when you're back out. Yeah, so I flew in in March of 2012 to Cass and first person that meets me is the company

SIR major and he asked the question that he had every right in the world to ask. What the fuck are you doing here, dude? Like, cool. And then you were like I'm sure to kick some ass.

Two bubble gum and kick ass. Yeah. command sergeant major who told me at the hospital if you get cleared i'll send you back to war um yeah he he had other ideas it's like hey i told him if he got cleared he'd go back and he got cleared so the company signar major was like all right he'll he'll work as a s t i think is what it was called or whatever it was where you just sit at the jock and very important job but The AST is supposed to be like the 13th man on an ODA for people who don't know that. And I can't remember what the acronym stands for, but like the idea is that you're supporting the ODA and you're like the liaison between the team and the company.

And if somebody on the team gets hurt, you're their replacement to go in. Yeah, and not just that, but you're, you know, you're the battle tracking and the jock and, you know, just all that other stuff. so um but um commands aren't major was like no i said if he got medically cleared i would send him back to war and we needed 18 charlie all right in this we in this place called panjoui and i came to figure out that 2012 panjewa district cannaar province was probably the worst place in afghanistan and I get out there and pretty soon after that we have the massacre that happens with bales

and so then now Pangeway just becomes a hot bag for insurgents because the villagers are like, oh, well, we're safer with the Taliban and we are with the Americans. And so with insurgents comes IEDs and with IEDs comes quite a few, ramp ceremony. So yeah, it was a Pandoah District, Canterbury Province 2012. It was a real bad, if not the worst place in Afghanistan at that time, my opinion again. What was your reception like

in general by the team that you went to, to be a member of? I mean, it was, you know, the reception was what you would expect looking back. And, And that is flat out, you know, this isn't a make a wish foundation for green berets. You can't come out here, shoot a gun a few times, and be like, yeah, I'm a warrior. He's like, people are dying here. We're doing ramp ceremonies. It's, you know, this is a bad place for you to come out and try to find yourself again. But we don't have a choice.

We were told you are coming out here. and until you can't hold up your side of the bargain for the team, we have to keep you here. But we're just letting you know we don't want you here because you're in liability. Everybody knows what happened to your leg and you have no business being in Afghanistan. And I understood. Yeah, absolutely right. Can I hold up?

And that's the one thing. people don't understand you know people could jump to conclusions like oh man those guys are assholes they're not because you're in an environment where where people have to be able to the line or or other people will die and they're trying to survive too yeah it's not about you die no one cares about that it's about you get your buddy killed that's that's the worst and and so yeah that the reception was that was it i was like wow this is It's going to be a rough go here. And I mean, it took a while, but, you know, after quite a few missions, I was able to kind of, you know.

And you were back up front, right? Back doing the route clearance, like the patrol point man and the patrol. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was under, I was under a mind detector very quickly. Yeah. And out finding IEDs again. And just like, holy cow. What?

I'm an idiot. It's like, yeah, you're pretty dumb. And so you were there for five months. And can you tell us to worry about how, like what happened at that point? Like what sent you sort of back? Yeah. So we went out on a mission and moving into this village and we got, we got ticked up. And so I did, you know, what you're trained to do in the Army.

and I went and I found cover and started returning fire and you know the drone's running and dust and you know sun glare and all this other stuff and it's like all right yeah this is great this war is you know getting it but what the fuck

stinks it's like all right just continue firing and let's get some so aircraft come on station and all of a sudden magically you know we were never We're in a firefight Taliban are gone. It's like, what is that stench? And I look around and I'm like, I'm like calf deep in a shit trench. I was like, come on, man.

I mean, really? Are you, this has happened. So, you know, we consolidate everything. You know, do what BDA we can. And it's like, dude, you stink. I was like, I know, man. I was in a shit trench. It's like, well, check your life.

So, you know, we get back to the base or whatnot and, you know, get my pants off and those burnt, obviously. But I had on my skin grafts, I had open sores all over my skin graft. So the skin graft on the bottom of my foot was peeled back. And the skin grafts on my leg were all open sores. and so I had all of this human feces that was able to soak into my body, I guess, very easily. So, yeah, that was an automatic metafact to calf. And from there, it's, yeah, it was, that was my, that was the end of my time in Pangewe, because they were, you know, obviously concerned about infections and everything else.

But yeah, it was a shitty way to end. Literally. But you had been operating at that point for about five months down in Panshoi, right? Yeah. Yeah. And so you get to CAF and they say, hey, we're not sending you home. You can stay here. And we can clean up the infection, but we're not sending you forward again, right?

Yeah, that was pretty much, you know, you're going to be on ASD for the remainder. of the deployment, which was, I don't know, at that point, I mean, it turned out to be a 10-monther, but they already had a couple months in. So it was like three months on AST, I think is what it would have worked out to be for me. Until Hilltop, what, 2000? Yeah. So, yeah, Hilltop 2000 came about. And it was, it was basically the command element was going to get Overwatch position over a major clearance operation in a valley. And I think it was called the belly button or something like that. But what the command was going to do is to get Overwatch,

you have to be at a high location. And a valley clearance means you're going to have to be really fucking high. So this mission was they were going to infill in and climb to the top of this hill top, which let's face it, is a mountain. But, well, not an Afghanistan, not an Afghan mountain, but we'll give it a Nebraska mountain. But we're going to climb atop this, but we call it Hilltop 2000 is because it was 2,000 feet elevation gain and a little over a click. So it's pretty much straight up in that.

And so the first sign came up to me, he's like, hey man, can you show me I use this mine detector? real quick. I don't really know how to use it. I guess I'm going to be the guy clearing for IEDs. Why? Well, I mean, that's, yeah, we need a guy to do it. It's like, well, I'm an 18 Charlie, man, I'll do it. Okay.

So, and effort, and then there was no, no, no, no, not happening, no, not happening. But I knew that if I could get onto this mission, then I could pretty much, solidify my time the rest of my time in group because as of right now people knew my leg failed and that's why I was sitting there on AST and so if I couldn't do anything to prove myself before we got back then people will always know that that's that's the situation that happens so I was like I have to get on this mission and this is going to suck and I hope to guide my leg holds up but I got to get on this mission. So again, I was able to kind of work my way onto this mission going up because it was like,

no, I'm not going to train you how to do this. I'm going. And so again, Command Sergeant Major is like, cool, man, let's go. Yeah, you're going. And then, you know, the guys in the background that were telling me no the whole time, they're just sitting there like, you got to be kidding me, man. How does this kid keep weasling his way on the things? But yeah, we were loaded out.

I mean, easily 80 pounds plus 80 pounds was light per guy. And we started moving. You know, we infilled in, Blackhawks and dropped us off and got to the base and looked up. And it's midnight. I'm just like, holy cow, wow, this is going to suck really bad. But, yeah, we started moving up. You know, I've got to a certain point. There's a couple guys.

I can't go anymore. Just leave me here. And it's like, yeah, that's great for gone with the wind. But that doesn't work well in combat, dude. So we're cross-led dudes gear. You know, they're, I mean, I don't want to bash, but they were attachments. So. But we're cross-loaded dudes gear and stuff like that.

The other guy just body just gives out. We got a, we got to, you know, crossload his gear and I'm still plugging along and I'm just like, and I'm sucking. Like, there's nothing against me about this. I'm not, you know, I'm not sitting there. You know, Captain America up there like, come on, guys, what's wrong with you? Follow me, man. I can do this all day. Yeah.

I'm hurting extremely bad. I just learned how to fake like I wasn't hurt. Right. Because when people see a guy that has a leg injury hurting, there's a bigger knee-jerk reaction to a guy that just is hurting hurt and hurt. And so I learned how to fake it very well. And yeah, and yeah, I knew like, and that was the one, I'm not big on being, you know, the spotlight guy or, or, yeah, I need people to see what I'm doing. But on that mission, you know, we had the command signer major. we had the colonel everybody with us i needed them to see what i was doing so yeah crossloaded

gear is like i'll take it oh god this is going to hurt so bad you know but you know stuff like that yeah i got yeah i mean we accomplished the mission and made it back and yeah people but even on the way down like one of the guys like i can't go any further like dude you you don't have a choice Yeah, I had to talk to him pretty quickly about, you know, your options in a combat zone. And it's like, look, dude, you don't have a choice. And what you're doing right now, you are wearing your pain all over your face. Everybody's fucking hurt. All of us are.

Differences is we're not showing it. We're hurting just as bad as you are. We're just not letting anybody see it. and you are you are basically showing the entire battalion command that that that that you're weak is like you got to stop you need to get a hold of yourself and regardless of how bad it hurts quit whining because all you're doing is you were writing your own check that you don't want to cash and yeah that was yeah but he is poor guy Yeah, yeah. You can quit when you get back to the fob, but not out here. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, look, dude, already carried your equipment once. You're not, we're not. Yeah. So you, you know, you do this, you get back. And you sort of solidify your ability to operate to the command staff.

Yeah. Which is really what you wanted to do, you know, after the enforcement. like an infection, uh, event from, from the, uh, shit trench. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I, I got back in there, you know, all the other, um, deployments I went on. Because another fun fact, um, my paperwork actually said I was non-deployable. Yeah, that's, that's a little fun fact. But yeah, there was never, you know, I ended up going back to Afghanistan, 16, 17, 18, and then got home and he had 19. So all those trips as a Green Beret. And now, they didn't bat an eye. He's like, oh, yeah. Yeah,

Henderson's on a non-employable list. Yeah, he's fine. Yeah. Yeah. He'll just take some Motrin's invited. Yeah. Yeah. So after you left Afghanistan at that time, you did trips because you're in seventh group so you did trips to el salvador columbia um and uh one other uh peru right but i want to talk about your trip to columbia real quick because you had a funny story about the uh the boa the iguana the goat and the chicken that was that was columbia right was was this uh partying with the secret service down in bogota no i wasn't part of that okay okay cool now the guys that were but No, I dodging the bullet.

No, you were out in the jungle. Yeah. No, it's, we went through this jungle survival school or whatnot that the, the Colombian special forces were putting on for us. And yeah, we got out to, I guess, where we were going to stay for the night. And after this this brutal trek in, it was just horrible. And, yeah, they were telling us, FARC would have killed every single one of us because we were so loud. He's like, oh, whatever.

But, yeah, we get out and start setting up our, you know, our living, sleeping arrangements. And then I finally get to, you know, get to sleep. and I'm in my hammock, you know, mosquito net hammock. And I can't quite remember, but I know there was like some commotion that night. And Colombian SF guys were running around looking for something. And it's like, well, what? And, you know, through loose translation, it's like, oh, we're looking for that extremely large bow constricture. that was going to be one of the meals.

Oh, and it ate a couple of the other meals. And it's wandering around the camp somewhere. And we don't know where it is. We don't know where it is. And like, you're shitting me, man. Like, how? This is an extremely large snake. But, you know, it's just incidents like that.

It just kind of made it fun. That's good stuff, man. So let's talk about your 26. trip to uh uh nezala right nazalaa to afghanistan yeah oh um boglin province yeah yeah okay yeah yeah yeah yeah so 20 2016 trip i i actually went with a different company because they needed uh they needed 18 charles and and uh so i jumped onto that trip and ended up going on a going with an ODA that was doing a clearance operation in Boglin province. And, you know, their charlie's that they had were all out of the course.

And so they wanted somebody that had, you know, found some IEDs before and whatnot. So I linked up with them and we did all the tradeups and we infilled. And it was, I mean, we were in Bogland for about 45 days. but when it came time to do this village clearance of Nizula, you know, we kick off the mission. We're driving in Afghan home viz because we, what we wanted to do is every time the Afghans went into this village, they'd get in a fight, they'd get the shit kicked out of them and then, you know, retreat back with, you know, licking their wounds.

So we were like, okay, well, we'll infill like we're just, just another Afghan patrol going in. We'll start taking fire and then we'll call in air support and just absolutely annihilate these dudes. It's like, yeah, yeah, it's a good idea. Everything's a good idea to tell the first round fire, you know, flies across. So, but get out there and we infill in and everything's going to plan and we go from mounted to dismounted and start moving up through the first, you know, compound.

our first objective. And, of course, it's tucked in nicely behind an orchard, which orchards are bad news. Iraq and Afghanistan. But, you know, we already knew how to clear the orchard, get to this first compound. So far, you know, we heard some ICOM chatter, but nothing crazy. No one knew anything different. It was more just like, yeah, let the guys go and they'll leave. you know um they're all afghans blah blah blah no one knew americans were on the ground to

to the best of our knowledge but so so i'm clearing through the orchard and we we get like i don't know halfway through and it's you know you got to set the scene it's dead quiet it's you know you're you're looking for iades under you know nods which is super horrible yeah um But out of the, out of the, you know, just the dead silent, we hear this loud pop. So everyone hits the deck because you're supposed to. And it's like, what was that? Was it snatched fire or something? Like, what in the hell?

And so, what was it, Jawi, Abe and myself were caught up in like this line. And it's like, oh, shit, we just hit a tripwire IED that low order. It's like, okay, well, that's good, right? Yeah, low order. Holy cow. Dude. All right. So we, it's like, all right, let's pick ourselves up and keep moving.

So we do. And that tripwire IED, it was at a corner, at a turn in the path. And we kind of make that turn. and I see movement in the compound. And a guy runs like from the open straight back to the compound wall. I'm just like, oh shit. And then when the Afghans, you know, when you're Afghan in MRG guys, the National Mind Reduction groups, dudes, when they say, oh, shit, it really means oh shit. And, man, that compound wall just erupted in flames everywhere.

PKM, I mean, it was a PKM engaged us, and it was like 17 meters, 20 meters away. And that flame shot out of that barrel, and it's like you could reach out and grab it. And the whole, like, side of the compound just lit up with AK fire, muscle flash everywhere and everything like that. So, yeah, we were caught in a pretty good ambush, which the Tripwire IED was supposed to set off. But, yeah, they couldn't really get me, we were pinned down. And, you know, it's good.

They couldn't get an air solution because I was 17 meters away from, you know, the target of the PQM. And at that point, it was the most casually producing weapon on the battlefield. because I didn't have a cruiser up with me. We were clearing on A-Ds. And, yeah, the RPG guy kept jumping out and scream, you know, Al-Ockbar, letting him fly. And it's like, holy cow, man, there's Tracer fire going everywhere.

Overwatch position is engaged in them. So there's American fire coming over us. And there's a trade. It looked like a laser light show. It was impressive. But finally, the call was made. It's like, if we don't drive. up. He's dead. They're pinned down in the orchard. They got us in an L-shaped so the main element

can't even get to him. Like, they're dead. So yeah, the call was made. And that our combat controller came over the radio and he's like, dude, this one's going to be big, bro. Again, good luck. I was like, really? And that thing came screaming in the sky and he goes, weapons released, dude, keep your head down. Man, that bomb came in and just rocked us. And I felt, I remember, like, after

I was watching the debris kind of fly over us, and I was just thinking, like, man, I hope the chunks of this mud hut don't come raining down on me and just like kill me, just with the chunks of it. And it

did, yeah, it didn't, but yeah everyone's standing up and you're trying to like get back to the main element and you're flopping around like a fish and stuff because he just took he just took a massive dose of overpressure and yeah it was just like boom man it's wow we just got rocked so that started the whole mission and that was about zero two in the morning and then we ended up clearing clearing all a Nizula and

got to got to our L away and it's like all right let's start moving back and apparently there was a miscommunication

and military doctrine with the Afghans about holding ground that you've taken I don't know because they didn't want to stay he was like no no you guys stay

no stuff this isn't my place no it doesn't work that way So long story short, you know, it's we after this conversation has been going on, get alerted that there's there's individuals moving to a specific, you know, they're like, hey, we don't know where they're going, but there, we see like 17 individuals at this time moving towards the village. Like, okay, that's not good. Are they individuals or are they fighting age males? Like, what kind of individuals are we talking about here? And yeah, next thing you do, man, that whole tree line erupts with gunfire, PKM, fire strifeing up and down the road, RPGs. And so we all jump for, you know, the cover, which was the ditch on either side of the road. We're trying to return fire, but no one knows, I mean, tree line and basically a U shape around us is just going crazy.

And we're trying to get an air solution and the aircraft are like, dude, we, we, we, we, can't see who's who like they're in your lines we don't know who is who is who here so that's oh crap man we're so now we're close quarter and um and then that dreaded you know release of a mortar round we hear that it's like oh crap so they shoot far and on my position i start looking around and i see you that frankie and i my buddy you know because we're the we're the two charleys we're all the way in the front because we were clearing, you know. And

yeah, it's like, dude, there's no one around us, man. There's some, we got Afghans with us and you know, Afghans are starting, you know, to, we got, I think, three at this time in the ditch with us and they're all bloodied up real good. It's like, holy cow, and then that mortar round

and it went, it went long and then it's like, oh shit, okay, let's see what they do. Then the next round, it went, short. It was like now they're about ready to split the difference. Yeah. Like we got to get we got to get out of here now. And so I grabbed up some other Afghans that were you know, they were just not wanting to fight. They were hiding in this little hole there and yanked one out by the hair and the other ones followed. Thank God.

And we just we yeah, we had to stay low because there was snip. Sniper fire was coming in everywhere. And so you had to do that boot camp duck walk through the damn canal and I was like oh this is why we do it in maps okay makes sense um but yeah we get to our first place and finally see Americans like okay there's Joe right there good good good um and they're waving us over to the first CCP and then uh you know we start bringing in the casualties and then the CCP gets rocked and they they've moved around through this tunnel system that they had in the area. Now we're taking fire in the CCP and, you know, a couple Afghans got hit in there and we heard the radio message. I think it was actually before that,

but we heard the radio message that came across that kind of stops, you know, all Americans in their tracks and it's eagle down, eagle down, eagle down. So you don't know how they're down. If they're WIA, if they're KIA, you don't know what the deal is. But once we start getting everybody together. And formulated plan, now we got four American shot. We have, you know, we have Afghans that are KIA, WIA. Okay, good. Now we're taking fire inside our CCP.

We can't land birds here. But the good news is they gave us distance. So now the bombs are starting to drop. We're like, oh, God, now we can start to turn the tide of this. So with air cover, we're able to find another CCC. that had a big field out by it where we can start landing medevac and getting our wounded out. And one of the medabak words is he had to pull off because he had taken a lot of rounds and he was smoking. And I was like, great. We're about ready to lose the initiative here with a bird down.

Like he was able to make it back. No, we came in and we just start loading, loaded, wounded in bodies and get, get to the end to where we have a pretty good handle on what's going on. And it's like, all right, men weapon and equipment. And, you know, it's obviously weapons and equipment. You're missing shit all over the battlefield. But it's like men, it's like, okay, we're missing four. It's like, okay, four, four Afghans.

So go back to the CCP, you know, we're, again, this is all under fire. But thankfully, we got a couple of patchies up ahead. that's really a nuisance, I guess, to the Taliban. But get back to the first CCP and find, I think it was two guys, or

find one guy there, find one guy in the ditch on the way back. They're dead. And then it's like, okay, we're missing two. We're missing my friend, Abe, and then another commander. It's like, where's the last time we saw Abe? It's like, he was all the way up in the front with me.

It's like, okay. all the way in the front is 500 meters back up that dirt road which is basically it's your right and left limit for a machine gunner okay how are we going to do this so our combat controller is like well i got an idea i'm going to bring back into the apache's and they're going to lay waste at everything and we're going to take off sprint behind them and we're going to get to the bridge and hopefully aves there and yeah Yeah, it was crazy because none of the Afghans would go with us. No, this is an American-led mission to go recover Afghan, you know, our brothers in arms there. So, you know, there's arguments about it, whatnot. You know, all this, you know, bullshit, we're going to get ourselves killed or whatever. It's like, look, no one gets left behind, dude. You know that.

No one gets left behind. So this is happening. Cry about it. Don't fucking comfort. We'll do it with the guys we got. So Patchy's are in mind, like, look, guys, sit here and argue all day. These guys are low on fuel. We've got to go.

Boom, patchy's come in, start doing their thing, and we just take off hauling ass. And get up to the road, get up to the footbridge where, you know, we first took contact at and looked in the ditch and their ab was. And then the other Afghan commander, they were both dead in the ditch there. But we had found them. So we got them out finally. We're able to get them out of a ditch muddy, you know, and they're covered in blood. So it's slick and it's just, and rounds are coming in.

But get them out of the ditch and start moving back to the CCP we had established. And then, yeah, we got Abe loaded up. And that was his last flight that he took. but we accounted for everybody. We did, you know, we followed through with one thing that I, that I like to believe that American soldiers will die for, and that's no one gets left behind. So, and we did, we did it right that day.

So in the end, we ended up having 10 Afghans, KIA, or 10 Afghans, KIA, 18 WIA, and four Americans WIA. So we stepped in a hornet nest. That's for damn sure, I guess. But, you know, it's as is a crazy day. That's, yeah. And as a result of that day, and I understand how humble you are and we all appreciate that, but you were also put in an award to the Silver Star.

And can you also tell us about the Frederick Award? Yeah, so, yeah, I got the silver star for whatever it was. But the Frederick Award, that was pretty cool. One guy out of the regiment a year gets this award. And it's a joint award with the Canadian SF and USSF because in the beginning, You know, it was basically Cairns off. Well, they weren't Cairns off at the time, but the guys trained in in the Montana in World War II.

But it was the Devils Brigade or the, you know, the Black Devils and whatnot like that. So, yeah, I got put in for that award and got accepted or got nominated or whatever. I don't know. And so, yeah, I got to travel with Canada and I got it along with the number. another Canadian soft dude. And we still keep in contact today. Great dude. He's running around Syria doing something.

Something Canadians like to do. But yeah, he's, but yeah, it was such an honor because you're, many of the men that I met that day have since passed away. But yeah, you got to, you got to, you know, enjoy the company and just be among, you know, these these real heroes from World War II and this devil's brigade. And yeah, and so you got to hang out with those dudes and just listen to some of their stories and then kind of look at yourself and be like, wow, I suck. But yeah, it was, it was great.

That was probably the greatest honor I've had in the military was the was the Frederick work for sure i uh you know i i don't want to uh like cut anything short but you also did afghanistan 2017 you did it in 2018 like as a non-deployable soldier soldier you did quite a lot yeah i guess yeah i don't know i mean i would i would like to say i have a special set of skills that they need, but that's not the case. I'm just, I'm just dumb enough to where they're like, yeah, he just, he won't shut up. Just send him, man. It's, it's not worth it. Just, just send him. You don't want to listen to him. So that's what it is. It's not. Okay. Well, I don't, I don't think anybody, I don't think we're buying it, nor is anybody who's

watching this, but we'll, we'll allow your humility because we'll let it pass. Can we talk a little bit about, because this is something we like to talk about in the show, because we do have veterans who watch it, who are still sort of wrestling with their own demons, and don't really know how to approach them. Can we talk about a little bit about your TBI and sort of how that, like how it came, like how you expressed it, or how it expressed itself, and, you know, sort of how you found yourself back on the civilian world. Well, yeah, I don't know if it's that much about the TBI.

Okay. I mean, I've had quite a few TBIs, but I would say that it's more about, I would say it's more about the, I don't know, just the emotions, just the emotions of everything and kind of going through, you know, mentally trying to process everything that I, I'd, you know, I'd been through or everything that I thought I had seen up to that point or, you know, so. But yeah, it's, yeah, getting back in the civilian world and definitely kind of, kind of wearing the, wearing that, that, that kind of that victimized, you know, or not really victimized, but like that that entitlement role of, oh, you don't know what I've been through, you don't know, you know, but not out where I saying it to somebody, but in the back of your mind,

you're definitely, you know, you wear that, that kind of like that, not really a badge of honor, but that kind of like that, well, fuck it, man, that pity party. You don't know what I've seen.

You don't know what I've been through. You don't know where and all this other stuff. And, yeah, getting back in the civilian world, I had a hard time. Well, not getting back. It's not like I was in World War II gone for two years. But no, I came to a point to where I was.

I was really struggling with who I was, and I felt entitled to the incidents or the situations that I've been in deployed. And I felt this entitlement to it to a point to where I did. I started pushing people away from me. I was a very angry person, and I just had, you know, a lot of those situations pop up that, you know, that allowed my entitlement victimization mindset to play into, which is, it's basically all a big, poor me pity party is what it was, because you think that you, you know, you've gone through so much and people need to know and you got to respect this and I deserve this and all this other thing,

which in the end I failed to realize, no, the fuck you don't. And guess what? As much as you think you've been through this, this or this, people have been through worse. And yeah, man, you need to get over yourself and understand that, you know, nobody owes you anything. And you're not, you don't deserve. Like just because you think you've been through some shit, you deserve this or you're entitled to this. Like, now, Stud, get over yourself, man. And I do see that is an issue with a lot of veterans today is they can't let go of the mindset of, you know, like, do you know what I've been through?

Well, no, they weren't there. They're not going to know what you've been through. Right, right, right. And for you to try and force that on somebody else, number one, who the fuck are you? And number two, how is that fair? Yeah, how could they know? How are they going to ever know? And so someone could thank you for your service until they're just blue in the face and don't have an idea what to do for you.

And you segregate yourself and you, and you ship, you, you ship, yourself off from everybody and push everyone away from you because no one's going to understand or no one knows or all this other stuff and to the point to where you're alone and then that's where that's where people you know veterans start to do some stupid shit that you know you can't you can't recover for me so i i i think that there there is you know there is some aspect of veterans sometimes especially combat veterans holding this expectation But I also know, you know, like some of the things you described in your book, like sort of your, you're ramping up, you know, towards a bar fight or, you know, your road rage. Like, we've heard of that before. And that's not necessarily just a sense of entitlement.

That's, you know, that's a combination of TBIs and post-traumatic stress and having a hard time going, you know, from 100 miles an hour. back down to zero and 100 miles an hour left into zero. Like, I feel as though sometimes it's, I do, I totally understand what you mean about the sort of entitlement. Like, you don't know what I've been through, which is true. But I don't, I don't want to cut you guys off, but I got to, I got to get going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Fair enough. There's, there's, yeah, people are starting to move around. Yeah, I can't, I can't be hogging up everything right now. Yeah. really appreciate it we really appreciate your time ryan hey uh everybody please on amazon uh barns no wherever wherever your fine booksellers are please check out tip of the spirit it's an amazing book uh right it's an amazing human being very humble we really appreciate you taking time out of you got up at what four in the morning three in the morning to be with us yeah about 3 30 in the

morning and it's about 630 now so yeah and now it's starting to move around and i got a i got to i got to I got to let him. Ryan has got to get back to doing real humanitarian work in a war zone right now in Ukraine. So yeah, no, we really do appreciate it, Ryan. Please, folks, check out his book. And we will post some links down in the description to his social media where you can see some of the stuff he's up to now and get in touch with him. So, yeah, man. Oh, no, I really do appreciate you sharing your story with us tonight and sharing some of your experiences from Ukraine.

Yeah, that's awesome. I appreciate you guys having me on. Thank you very much. And yeah, this was a, this was badass. I know we could continue on for a couple more hours. But yeah, I got it. When you get back to the United States sometime, we'll have another conversation sometime. Yeah, happy to.

We appreciate you. There you go. There you go, guys. Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you. Thanks, buddy. Take care. All right, guys.

Thanks, bye. Take care.