The Therapy Edit - Ask Anna - I don't want to binge eat my way through Christmas

Episode Date: October 28, 2024

Welcome to the very first episode of a BRAND new series of The Therapy Edit! Mondays are Ask Anna where Anna is joined by a guest expert and together they dicuss a real quandary raised by a member of Anna's online community via voicenote. On Fridays Anna tackles confessions that have been left by her followers anonymously.In this very first episode, Anna is joined by Priya Tew, Specialist Dietitian and Nutritionist BSc, PG Dip, MScTogether Anna and Priya tackle the following question: "I have finally addressed my binge eating disorder by joining a therapy group. For the first time in years I feel positive and well. However, I'm already anxious about Christmas and the amount of food I'll be surrounded by. What can I do to stop myself slipping back?"Do you have an Ask Anna question you'd like to submit for future episodes? Or an anonymous confession? Visit the website to learn how Learn more with PriyaPriya is an eating disorder specialist dietitian with a passion for inspiring HOPE in recovery and helping people find peace with food. She helps people work through their disordered eating patterns through to giving full eating disorder support and with over 15 years in the field she really is experienced. Priya supports people on a 1-1 basis and through her Recovery Tribe group coaching and online community. Because no-one should feel like they are alone.She is also author to 2 books: The DASH diet and the complete low FODMAP diet plan and pops up in media work frequently too.Visit Priya's website hereFollow Priya on Instagram herePlease note - the names and voices of some of the Ask Anna/Confessions contributors may have been changed at their request.

Welcome to The Therapy Edit. I'm your host, Psychotherapist and author Anna Martha. I will be bringing you bite-sized episodes twice a week full of tips, wise words from expert guests and insights to support your mental well-being. Hi everyone. Today I'm quite excited because we have got a brand new format for the podcast for the Therapy Edit. And for this series, we are inviting your questions. And we're calling it Ask Anna. And I'm in a bit of a kerfuffle because I'm using a different platform. It's just different to how we've done it before. So I have the most wonderful guest with me today and to answer the very first Ask Anna question. And the idea is that I will get different guests on each week kind of handpicked to share their wisdom in response

to the questions that you come to us with. And yes, so, today I have with me, Priya Chu. Now, she is an award-winning, experienced registered dietitian, and she's going to answer a question from one of our guests. She is a nutrition professional with a degree in nutritional sciences and a master's in dietetics. So, Priya, thank you for being my episode one, Guinea Pig, so graciously already bearing with me. How are you doing today? I mean, what an honour to be asked on the very first one. I think it's just very exciting. say thank you so much for having me. No, it's just lovely to be introduced to your Instagram as well.

I think I could have absolutely done with your wisdom and warmth over the years completely. And are you in a hanging egg chair? I don't know if people can see in any clip that we share, but they just look so soothing. So do you do your meetings in a hanging egg chair? So I wanted an egg chair since I was a small child. And the story behind the egg chair is that I got remarried. a few years ago and my husband got into cahoots with my mum and they got me this egg chair

and we have six children between us and they blindfolded me and all the children led me upstairs and unwrapped the egg chair so that I could sit in it. So this is only for me. Nobody asks. I love that. And what was it about the egg chair that you've just always had in mind that you just you need an e-chair in your life. Yeah, I just always loved them and I just mentioned it. My husband just decided that was it he was going to get me the special e-chair.

I love that. And it's in your house? Yeah, it's in my bedroom. Mine's in the garden. I mean, I don't quite know if I've got anywhere that will fit it at the moment in the house but that is the best idea.

Mine's in the garden so I don't really get to sit in it that very soggy. That's an amazing idea. I would love to do like my journal just gently swinging in the egg chair. Inspiring. Well, thank you for that and thank you for being the first guest to help me answer this listener question. It's one that really resonates with me and I could have

I would have really loved to have heard this spoken about a few years ago. So we're going to play the voice note now and then we're going to dive in. Hi Anna, I have a question. I've finally addressed my binge eating disorder by joining a therapy group and for the first time in years I feel positive and well. However, I'm already anxious about Christmas and the amount of food I'll be surrounded by. What can I do to stop myself slipping back? Oh, Priya, what do you, what are the first thoughts that rise up for you when you hear that question? Because for me, I would have loved to have heard the words that you're going to be sharing over the next few minutes in response to this, because I've experienced numerous kind of challenges with eating over, over the years, including

binge eating and Christmas it's just always such a trigger because there's just so much food everywhere so no matter how well I was doing there'd always be a bit of anxiety around kind of facing food at Christmas such a big part of it and you kind of can't escape it so what were the thoughts that came up for you as you heard that question I think firstly a huge well done to this person I mean how amazing that they have found a way through they found this this group and they've put that work in, they've taken that time, they've put that effort in and they've done so, so well. So I think firstly, huge congratulations. That's just incredible. It always makes my heart so happy when I hear these stories because as an eating disorder

dietitian, you know, I remember initially stepping into the field and thinking nobody ever got better. And, you know, that's not true. People do, people do recover and they get better, but it take so much work. So I would say to this person that, yes, Christmas is going to be hard. Christmas is hard for pretty much everybody who has issues in their relationship with food. So you need to give yourself lots of kindness and self-compassion over this. And just have that expectation that, yes, okay, it may be hard, but that means that you're going to have to allow yourself more space and more grace as you're navigating. this season. Space and grace. And I think we all need that. But when you know that you're

struggling with something, then specifically you're going to need more of it. Perhaps if you were to think about this situation differently, if you were to think about having a friend who suffered with something else, maybe they suffered with an alcohol dependency. Now, you would expect possibly for them Christmas could also be hard when everybody around them is drinking and there's lots of parties. And you know, how would you act towards them? Would you be maybe laughing in their face about it? Or would you be saying, do you know what? I'll come and hang out with you.

You know, you can do this. Let's walk it through together. And I imagine you'd be that kind of person who'd be quite kind and compassionate. And that's how we need to be to ourselves. And I think sometimes we can be like that to our best friends, but we neglect to be able to take that type of care of ourselves. So I think that's my first thing is like that. compassion and that kindness and hopefully through this therapy group you may have learned some of

those skills such as taking time for yourself so then i think when we're trying to be more compassionate to ourselves we've got to allow ourselves this time for some mindful moments in our day so finding some things that you know are calming and keep you grounded and connected now that could be something like journaling that's certainly something that i really find helps when i'm struggling It could be that you take yourself out for a walk every day. It could be that there's a certain type of exercise that works for you. It could be playing a musical instrument or doing some craft. But it's making sure we've got this time to calm our nervous systems.

Because in eating disorder recovery, calming your nervous system is so important. And it's one of those things that I've learned through time that really, really helps people. Because when we're in kind of hyper mode and lots of us are like that, at Christmas. We can't think as rationally. So I know that's nothing to do with food, but I think it's all to do with food at the same time. And then if we think more practically, yes, there's going to be more food around perhaps and there's going to be different types of food around. And that might feel triggering and hard. So I would recommend thinking through what are the foods that you really love about Christmas and why do you love them?

And then think through, how are you going to build those foods into your Christmas period so that it doesn't become a, oh, I'm not sure if I should have that. I don't think I should. That might lead to a binge. Instead, it becomes a planned out activity of thinking, at some point, I'm going to allow myself to have that mince pie because I love mince pies. And actually, when I have that mince pie, I might have it with such and such, because that's how I really enjoy minced pies. randomly some people like mince pies with cheese so we'll say cheese and so it becomes this idea of actually you're allowing yourself to have those foods and you're building those into your Christmas period and then that starts to just feel like something that you can enable yourself

to do in a really structured way so it comes with real permission rather than that feeling that yeah often when you know you're giving you into something and it's all really wrapped with guilt and shame, isn't it, before you've even gone there? So if there's that permission and that choice and that mindfulness of the enjoyment, then it's got different emotions around it, hasn't it? Yeah, and it's this idea, this concept of allowing yourself to have permission to eat any food. No foods are off the table. My mantra that my daughter always says that I use is all foods are good foods. Yeah.

And I think we need to just allow ourselves to actually embrace that concept. Do you know what? If you have that slice of cake, you're not a bad person for having done that. It's totally fine to allow yourself to have that. But how are you going to really enjoy it? Rather than secretly eating it or eating it and feeling really shameful afterwards, how are you going to allow yourself to enjoy that pleasure in that moment? Yeah. Yeah, that permission giving. I, as you were talking, I was remembering this family event. So it wasn't quite Christmas, but you know, sometimes all of the charade around big family gatherings, it feels kind of festive. And there was this treacle tart in the fridge. And we'd, you know, everyone had had a little bit of a slice once when they were already twofold. So there was a huge amount of this treacle tart left. And I basically, throughout the day, just chiseled away. I'd sneak away, chisel away.

bit more of this treacle tart and then it was almost this defeatist attitude of like well i've blown it now might as well just crack on and i think one thing that really helps me when i know that i'm moving towards that places is is that challenging that all or nothing mentality of that moment where you think sorry i've blown it now might as well just jump right in and actually how can i give myself that permission to stop now to think actually I can reset now it's okay I don't have to dive all in and go all out I know that I've probably already had more than I feel comfortable with and the emotions around that are probably already kind of taking hold but actually it doesn't need to be all or nothing absolutely and Christmas is just a few days of the year I think

sometimes that can help as well about just thinking, do you know what? It's just a few days out of 365. So if I do what most people do and I overeat for those few days, it's really not going to make a big difference. It's really not going to lead some massive changes in my body, for example. And so actually it's okay to allow myself to do this. And this is a natural and normal thing to do. Yeah. It's all going on around you, isn't it, as well? And yeah, I think, I think that's it. It is recognizing that actually everyone in the country is really enjoying the food at the moment. But I think we know in our hearts, don't we sometimes when we go from that, actually this is great. And I'm just, I'm just, I'm just going with it to I'm really taking this down and unhealthy for me, the emotions surrounding

it path. You know, what would you like to say to that person who, yeah, who knows that they're at that tipping point of actually I'm pushing this into that kind of real self-sabotaging place where I'm likely to feel that shame and that real regret and maybe a bit unwell. I mean, you just want to give them a hug. Yeah. Say, let's hang out. It's going to be all right. One of the phrases that I like to use that you may have come across is halt.

And I think sometimes just replaying this in your mind can. help you take a pause because that's actually what you need in that moment. You need to take a pause. And so Holt stands for, am I hungry? Am I a angry? I say angry, anxious, irritable, emotional, all of those types of feelings. L, am I lonely or am I bored? T, am I tired?

And sometimes just by pausing, saying, right, why is it that I'm feeling like I need to tip over in this moment into a possible binge? Is there any other way that I could meet my needs that would be better? And it would actually help me longer term. So obviously if you're hungry, then yes, eat. But is it that you need a more nourished balance snack rather than the treacle tart at that moment? If you're feeling angry, anxious, irritable, emotional, is it that you need a hug? Do you need some time out? You just need to go and stand outside the back door, for example. If you're feeling lonely or you're bored, again, what do you need to do to meet that? Sometimes it is sheer boredom at that point. So what can you do that is going to help you? And if you're feeling tired, then can you give yourself permission to go and have a nap to go and sit down in your egg chair and read a book?

or do something that's just going to help restore you. But I think also, binges do sometimes happen, and they can be a normal part of recovery. So if you do have a binge, it's trying to remember that that can be totally okay. And it doesn't mean you have failed. It doesn't mean that you have undone all of the work that you've been doing already on your recovery journey. it just means that you had a bit of a slip up in that moment and what do you do you know what's the advice when you fall off a bike you get straight back on and you ride the bike and so we all have

those moments where we slip we wobble we fall over and it's knowing in that moment that actually the quicker you can pick yourself back up and get right back into your normal routine the better that's going to be and to just embrace it within this whole sentiment of actually we need to be really kind to ourselves and give ourselves as much love as we can. Yeah, this is so helpful. And it struck me that some of those tips or some of the things that might be needed, you know, a bit of space or a nap or a hug, actually that involves asking. It might involve asking the people around you. And I think sometimes we can assume that how can I feel lonely when I'm surrounded by family?

when actually we can sometimes we can feel the loneliest surrounded by the people who know us best because maybe we don't feel quite understood or seen or maybe we felt like we've explained an eating disorder actually it's been misunderstood so we don't feel that supported and actually it's really possible to feel lonely isn't it when surrounded by people so I would think how what what can you ask and who what can you ask? what do you need and who can you ask? Is there someone, a family member that you know gets you, that you can maybe go and whisper into their ear and think,

you know, I'm just, I'm having a moment right now. I'd really love a hug. Or maybe you do sneak upstairs, get some breathing space, and perhaps you message someone from your therapy group. You know, if you've got a contacts or a little group, to just tap into that feeling of actually I know there are people that I don't need to caveat myself with. because sometimes we can, you know, might share something with a family member

and they might say, don't worry about it, it's Christmas, everyone's, you know, dive right into this and you know that actually what you need in that moment is someone to say, I know how much work you've been doing, you know, you need that kindness and compassion that comes from a place of feeling seen, not just, oh, it's fine, don't worry about it, you're overreacting and actually we can feel quite invalidated. So it's thinking, what do I need and who can I ask? And that can feel like a big thing in itself, can't it? It can be hard to ask for help, can't it? Yeah.

It can be really, really hard. One of the things I sometimes share with people is actually people like to help. So sometimes when you're feeling awkward about asking for help, you know, you might actually be doing the other person of favour because you're giving them an opportunity to actually help and be kind themselves. Yeah. Yeah, it's really nice to reframe things. I think you're so right about community.

So I run an eating disorder recovery course, and part of that has a community. And we work together in a group. And what I love is the way that people in that community then reach out and support each other. Yeah. So it's really not about me. I'm not the one who has all the answers

and is doing all of the helping. It's those people who understand the lived experience and are actually in that moment together, who are able to say, oh, here's something that I did this week that helped me and have you thought about doing such and such? So I think if you've got a community like that or if you've got some people that have walked with you

through that journey, that can be a really, really helpful thing to reach out to and seek some advice from as well. I love that. Actually, it reminds me of when I was going through posting into depression when I had a very refluxy baby. I was part of an online community. There's a Facebook group.

I don't even know how I got added to it. and I would feel like I had a little group of cheerleaders in my back pocket because I knew that whether it was four o'clock in the morning and I was just in despair or whether I was actually having a really, whether I felt proud of something one day I could write there and somehow it felt like a really great starting point because the more I felt accepted and supported and validated by them, A, it took pressure off the people around me who didn't quite get it. so it kind of tip pressure off them but also it enabled me to as I was kind of talking about these things and typing about these things and feeling validated it gave me confidence to

start speaking to people in my day to day life a little bit more openly about it so I love the thought of this this guest here this this you know really amazing person just stepping away and just tapping into that that group or that supportive friendship because you're so right it feels wonderful. If you've got a friend or a family member that's having a hard time and you know that you can do something to help them, be it just give them a hug or be it the person that just gives them a glance,

that kind of warm glance over the Christmas lunch table. It says, I know, I know what's going on for you and I'm here. It just feels so good, doesn't it? And it can be a useful thing to actually have maybe spoken to that person in advance. You have that safe go-to person who, therefore, if you give them that glance or little signal or send them just one word on a message, have some kind of code word that you're using, that they know who actually, you need a hug. So myself and my daughter do this. She'll just send me sometimes like a one-word message where I know she needs something. And that's fine.

I can then step in, say, okay, what do you need right now? And I don't try and give her what I think she needs. I'll say, what is it that you think you need? So I think having your go-to person at Christmas who you can say, ouch, you know, whatever your word is going to be. And they can just respond with, what is it I can do right now? What is it that you need? That can be just so helpful, can't it?

And so supportive. So I think that would be another great tip. So many great tips. thank you so much. I hope this person is feeling just really, I think it's the compassion and the passion that comes across in what you're sharing really. And that encouragement for her to find some of that for herself and that sense of pride, because that's what you started with, wasn't it, Priya? That, you know, wow, like this is big stuff that you've been doing. You know, joining a therapy group finally, you know, she said, I've finally addressed

my binge eating disorder. So that says that she's probably been. struggling and battling, maybe even feeling quite alone in this for a long time. So allowing that sense of pride. And as you were saying, you know, binging is part of the recovery process every now and again. It doesn't mean that all is lost and you're starting from scratch. Is there anything else that you would love to say to this person? Or anyone else, actually, who's feeling, yeah, you're seeing this big calendar event coming up in the diary and it's already just, yeah, you're a bit anxious, kind of bracing themselves a little bit. I think it's good to note that, you know, some people struggle with binging, some people

struggle with other behaviours around food. And the information that we've given can be helpful, I think, across the board. But whatever you're struggling with in terms of your relationship with food or whatever eating disorder behaviour is you're struggling with, I would just keep coming back to this sense of how kind can I be to myself over this. There are so many people who struggle on a daily basis and they feel alone and like they haven't got any support and like nobody understands.

And I promised you there are people out there who do understand what you're going through and I definitely know that there is a way through all of this. Recovery is possible. I think that's so encouraging. I remember hearing quite early on as I was exploring some supportive words online when I was struggling. I remember seeing someone right, you know,

it's not something you can ever really recover from. It's just something you learn to live with. And I remember feeling really upset actually at that. And really what you shared and I think what I'm able to share amazingly so is that there is hope and there is freedom to be found. And yeah, go and find it and go and find those places and those spaces and those resources. of which you are providing so much of. So tell us a little bit more, Priya,

how we can find you and, yeah, where to go for those that this will have really resonated with. Love to. So you can find me over on Instagram and I'm at Priya underscore 2, which is T-E-W. I have a slightly odd surname there. You can also pop over to my website,

which is www.w.dieticianuk. and I will have coming up some Christmas resources. So do look out for those. I've actually got some sequence of emails that you can get delivered straight into your inbox and that will be coming up in December time. So if you think, actually, do you know what, I need somebody to have that little word in my ear every day,

something I can just read to keep me on track, then I've already got that ready to go for you because I am, my heart is just that people, camera cover and I really want to see that happen. So I do work with people one to one in a group situation but I also just love to give out resources. So please come along, come find me, come chat because yeah, that is my passion. Or Priya, thank you so much for all the wise and warm words that you have shared. And I hope this guest, well, I know this guest for a while, will have found this. Yeah, just really encouraging and supportive. So thank you. Thank you for all

that you throw out into the world so generously for us. And it's been wonderful to have you as my first guest for The Ask Anna. So thank you. Thank you so much for having me. It's being a pleasure. Thank you for listening to The Therapy Edit today. If you enjoyed it, please do take a sec to like and subscribe so we can share the words further and wider.

If you have an Ask Anna question or an anonymous confession for the Confessions from the Therapy Room episodes, head to anamatha.com and click on the podcast tab to submit. Want more? Grab a copy of my most recent book, The Uncomfortable Truth. Change your life by taming 10 of your mind's greatest fears or enjoy some of the video and downloadable resources on my website, tackling everything from burnout to driving anxiety. So until the next episode, goodbye.