The Therapy Edit - Ask Anna - If anyone else asks me to 'take a deep breath' I'll explode

Episode Date: December 9, 2024

In this Monday episode of the brand new Ask Anna series, Anna is joined by Hannah Barrett, Yoga Teacher, Yoga Teacher Trainer and Author.Together Anna and Hannah tackle the following connundrum: "Twice this week people have told me to take a deep breath in a nice way. It made me realise how I'm breathing in that panicky stressful way half the time. I try to do breath work and slow down with yoga, but it weirdly makes me feel tearful and more stressed. I know I need to slow my body and mind down, but how can I when all the usual things everyone recommends just makes it feel worse, and how do I find the time? Do you have an Ask Anna question you'd like to submit for future episodes? Or an anonymous confession? Visit the website to learn how Learn more with Hannah at the following links:Pre-order Hannah's brand new book, The Yoga Happy Year (out December 26th) here.Join the Yoga Happy app and enhoy 400+ yoga classes, breathworks, meditations and sound baths. Follow Hannah on Instagram

Welcome to The Therapy Edit. I'm your host, Psychotherapist and author Anna Martha. I will be bringing you bite-sized episodes twice a week full of tips, wise words from expert guests and insights to support your mental well-being. Hi everyone. Welcome to today's Ask Anna episode of The Therapy Edit and I have got a guest with me and an expert guest. And to introduce her, Hannah Barrett, who you will have seen me mention on Instagram if you follow me over there so many times over the years. I met Hannah at a retreat where she was teaching a yoga class and I think I was doing a talk and we just completely hit it off. And I'm a big fan of all of Hannah's kind of the way that she does yoga and the way that she teaches breathwork and the way she's got an app and I absolutely love it. It's called

Yoga Happy and it's just, I mean, I'm always on there doing the 10 minute yoga flows because I just often do those in the morning but I'm just so grateful for her um she is an international yoga teacher she's also a yoga teacher trainer I dream one day of uh doing her yoga teacher training course um she is an author she's got she's got an amazing book she's got some brilliant kind of yoga cards if you want to do some yoga and you just want some little prompts they're absolutely beautiful and she's a wellness advocate and she is dedicated to empowering people and helping them find strength and calm amidst the chaos of life through yoga. She's got a new book, The Yoga Happy Year, and that is out just in, just around Christmas

time. Is it, Hannah, is it out the 26th of December? No, it's on the 17th, isn't it? No, no, 26th, you're right. It's on Boxing Day. On Boxing Day. Amazing. So something like pre-order that and get it dropping through your letterbox just at a time where

you're thinking, oh, I just need to, I need some gentle movement. so absolutely perfect but hannah welcome thank you so much Anna you know how much i love you and that was such a wonderful intro so thank you so much for building me up let's hope do you know my kids the kids often hear your voice coming from my bedroom so when they get to meet you in real life there was a little bit like that's hannah from the yoga on your phone i'm like yes so there always a little bit starstruck by you but we've had the pleasure of meeting so many times in real life. So it feels like I'm sat here chatting to a friend. I just wish we were in the same room. But how are you feeling? Where are you on zero? Frazzled. Well, you know, I'm frazzled to the

extreme. So I think I feel like actually this is a really good time to have the conversation because often people think yoga teacher and that we're Zen all the time, but actually life gets in the way. And I, so I broke my middle toe really badly. Four weeks ago, I rebroke it last week. We've got loads of my daughter's moving school, there's a lot going on and my nervous system is really struggling to cope. But now is the time where I have to bring in all of these things I teach other people and time is lacking. And I'm sure lots of people listening will resonate with that. But there's not enough hours in the day. So actually, what I try and do is little snippets of, I call them happy habits, It's things that ground me and help me when I'm feeling this anxious.

And just before we came on, I did an ice bath, which for me, my nervous system loves. And I'm feeling so much better than I was half an hour ago, where I was honestly, almost close to tears. Yeah, Hannah, you know, I think this is the beautiful thing about the work that you do is that you're literally living it. And all of these little tips and things, the small things that you encourage us to do, you know, as you had that ice bath and that would have been an absolute choice wouldn't it like you could have just stayed in your cozy clothes and plowed on through but you knew that actually that doing that one thing for a few minutes even if that's all you've got time for would actually could have a really amazing impact on on you and this is what you give us and this is what you're using and you're always in your day to day life having to think of creative ways to get more of what you need so yeah you're living it out you have to live it you can't just say you have to do what you say as well because otherwise what is the point but also like it is so important when you don't have time to make and prioritize time for short snippets you don't need an hour you don't even need half an hour you can do five minutes

of gentle movement but it has to be as you say it has to be a choice and there is a bit it's it's tough in a way because sometimes it's easier to stay cozy to get our phone out to flick and try and take ourselves away but actually what we need is to calm into ourselves and five minutes can definitely be enough so what do you think the difference in how you're feeling now so going from that place of just feeling utterly just done and close to tears and you chose to have the ice bath but what do you think the difference would have been for you if you'd have just crashed on the sofa and scrolled for 10 minutes I just get more anxious it's it's I'm trying to calm my anxiety at the moment and it's a it's a struggle and it is about making the right choices but also

not beating yourself up when you don't make the right choices because we are can be so hard on ourselves and we have to give us about the self grace and space and the love that we would give to other people we're not perfect and it is easy to escape sometimes into our phones for example and we need to be kind to ourselves yeah so it's just doing more of those things more of the time and absolutely not giving yourself grief when you don't do them all of the time because who who really is so the question that i've got for you today i think will be will probably resonate with so many people at the minute and it's it's this listener who has been trying to put some these things into place but maybe just hasn't found quite quite the right ones and I'm really

looking forward to hearing what you what you say so I'm going to play this voice note hi Anna twice this week people have told me to take a deep breath in a nice way it made me realize how I'm breathing in that panicky stressful way half the time I tried to do breath work and slow down with yoga but it weirdly makes me feel tearful and more stressed I know I need to slow my body and mind down but how can I when all the usual things everyone recommends just makes it feel worse and how do I find the time anyway? Oh God that makes me feel a bit teary like I or I'm sorry that you're going through this for a start because it's life can be really tough sometimes and I think there's something about winter it gets harder for for lots of people you're definitely not alone this is super super

common and oh my God telling someone to take a bit deep breath is like telling someone to just chill out. It's like sometimes can do the opposite effects, can't it? But one thing I learned in one of my breathwork trainings is actually that some people, and I've seen it through the teacher trainings as well from kind of anecdotes from teachers to be, is that some people actually find it more stressful to concentrate on the breath. So we know that the breath, that breath work is amazing and it can do all these things. But some people, it raises their anxiety to say, you know, for example, try a two, one breath where you inhale for three, exhale for six, or something like that. Some people find consciously changing or focusing in the breath. Some people find that

makes them more anxious and more stress. So if you are one of these people, know that you're not alone. Lots of people do actually feel this way. There are tricks that you can use, though, to help you use the breath without kind of really realizing you're doing it or making you feel more anxious. So one of the ways is by humming. Humming helps to activate our vagus nerve, which helps to activate our parasympathetic nervous system, our rest and digest to calm the body down and to kind of get rid of that fire and flight response. And humming, what humming does is it extends the exhale without you even thinking about it. So maybe put on a song that you love and take a breath in without thinking about the breath in and you're going to hum. And you're going to

hum, you're going to hum it out, or just I do it when I'm driving sometimes, hum, you're, just hum, literally just hum for a few minutes. And then notice how it made you feel. And if you didn't like it, that's okay as well. But, you know, maybe try again a few days later and see if it helps. The other way is using hands. So you can use your hands on your body. Maybe you can bring them and cup them around your ribs, like real lower ribs. So you're going, kind of in towards your belly, and then just gently focus on soft breaths or not even thinking about the breath so you don't want to, but gently breathing into your hands. So breathing into this area and just think, think of the word gentle. And maybe you think of a mantra, let

go. And you just try and slow rather than actively thinking about the breath. And then can you take the pressure off in terms of movement, could you do, get out five minutes earlier and do a really gentle flow in bed? I mean, you've already said, Anna, you like to use the 10 minute flows that I have on my app. And I have five minute flows as well, right? You can literally in your jammies, still in your bed. Do some side stretches, do some gentle twist, do some gentle cat cows, move the body in all different ways, which is going to feel really good for your body. And maybe you don't focus on the breath. Maybe you simply focus on the sensations of doing that. Oh, yeah, I'm feeling my hips a bit today.

Oh, this feels really good on my spine because I feel quite hunched in. And take the pressure off. We give ourselves so much pressure. So five minutes is okay. And what happens if you do that just before bed? Or what happens if you get up in the morning and instead of turning over and grabbing your phone and getting lost in emails or social media or whatever it is, what happens if instead you just sit up or stay lying down and you close your eyes and you just watch the breath.

You're not trying to change it. You are literally watching it and maybe you're watching the movements of the breath or feeling the sensation of the breath. Again, so if, you know, specifically focusing on, and it has an Excel stresses you out, you could just focus on that movement. But that is in itself a meditation. Or you grab that mantra and you literally just think, let's go. and you imagine whispering that mantra internally inside of you or even maybe it's a I've got this because sometimes we need that little pep talk but you imagine whispering it inside and every time

that your mind wonders and it will you gently bring it back and that gently bringing it back that's the act of mindfulness and there's a really beautiful quote by Gandhi and it goes meditation is a dance between the thoughts that come in and you are anchored back to the present moment. And the point of me sharing that is because you will, your mind is going to wonder and people think, oh, I'm terrible at meditation, but it's part of the process. So be kinder to yourself, know that if your mind wonders and you bring it back, you're doing it right and stick with it because five minutes of meditation daily or any of the things that I mentioned, you will start to notice a different.

They're these like small things. They all build up and they have a big impact. You just have to give them time. Yeah, I love these. It's ways to completely take the pressure off, isn't it? Instead of the breath work and they're trying to do this exercise and that exercise, just hum. Just hum a song that it feels soothing.

And maybe think of one of those little mantras, you know, letting go, just releasing or whatever that might be to you. And instead of just thinking, I'm good at, I need to do some yoga, but I feel really emotional and what's wrong with me, you know, actually, and I love that on your app, you've literally got, you've got little flows, five-minute flows, on your bed. You are filming them on your bed. And I think it's so permission-giving. But I think what really resonated when I heard this voice note was that when I feel overwhelmed,

when I feel really hormonal, when I feel sad, when I do. do yoga or I do you know I try and move in a really intentional way I can often feel like the emotions are just coming out and I think sometimes that can make us want to step back and maybe sometimes that is the answer is just stepping back and maybe doing something different but but also sometimes I think it's in the slowing down that those emotions are coming to the surface and it's in that gentle movement where because we know that emotions get stored in our bodies so maybe we're just kind of giving them a bit of space and releasing them a bit. And I wonder if maybe this person in their life, I wonder how often they're taking those moments to release emotion, be it with a chat

with a friend or just a cry or a bit of journaling, you know, to process some of those emotions that are maybe just sitting so close to the surface that she's breathing in this kind of panicky, heightened way and that when she just slow down even for a few minutes, they're just there. So yeah, how do you feel sometimes emotional when you? Oh my gosh, absolutely. Sometimes I feel super emotional when I get on the yoga mat. But sometimes it's a message to kind of tune in like, what do I really need? Do I need to be turning on this kind of like binyasa flow or power yoga?

Or do actually I need to do a restorative class? Or in fact, do I need to go and have a bath or do something else? Like, is it a message to your body and mind that you really need to. to slow down. We were so fixated on kind of making sure everyone else is okay in our lives. And we need to kind of really tune in to, what is this telling me, how I'm feeling now? And it can be really hard.

And actually, if you're in a dark space, it can feel like a bit too much. So maybe you're not ready for it and that's okay as well. But it's like to use these things as little messages. Yeah, I loved it. Yes, I think it's really permission-giving what you're saying is that maybe this person, and I think we can all find ourselves doing this, carries a lot of shoulds around what they should be doing and support themselves. I should be doing breath work.

I should be doing yoga and it should look like this and my breath work should look like this because maybe this is what so-and-so is doing and this is helpful for them, whereas actually you're encouraging this person, you're encouraging us to just tune into ourselves and think, actually would five minutes of stretching in my PJs or we're just humming a tune in the, car or just actually lying on the map dancing around the kitchen or just grabbing you know instead of lying on the mat lying on the sofa for a few minutes of the blanket like what what is tending to the needs that I have right now rather than thinking I should do this because this is what I should do and this is what is working for other people so just yeah giving yourself

that point there though is such a key point because in this age of social media kind of dominating there are so many people giving advice of things that work and we take it we can take it as oh okay well we must like for example I started by saying about my ice bath might not work for you doesn't work for lots of people actually I think the research on ice baths is pretty kind of shaky but I've worked out it does work for me so I do use it for me but you know there might be something else that really really doesn't work for me for example acupuncture really works for me and I know that my friend Celeste doesn't really work for her very well. So it's what you're unique.

You are this unique, beautiful person and you have to trust your intuition and listen within and figure out the things that you need and they might be completely different from what anyone else needs. Yeah. And maybe completely different from day to day. Like maybe in this season of life it looks like humming and stretching, in your PJs, but maybe in a few weeks or a few days it might actually look like, you know what? I actually feel like I want to do a flow. I want to spend that time on them out. Actually, I'm going to try that breath work and it actually feels really good

and invigorating or really soothing. And it's just, yeah, letting go of that expectation of what things should look and feel like. And actually those change and evolve as we do. Yes, I love that. Well, thank you, Hannah, so much for your honesty and for, yeah, just sharing the things that we can fit into our kind of busy lives and just encouraging us to kind of turn inward a little bit and ask ourselves kind of shut out all the noise and all the shoulds and the recommendations and think actually what is my body needing right now today and what might that look like and yeah I'm just so grateful and I can't wait for the yoga happy year that yeah it's going to be a Christmas present to all of us to just giving us that gift for the year

ahead to do exactly those things kind of tune in those little things that we can fit in in our day to days and yeah your warm wisdom your warm wisdom your poetry your quotes all the things that you bring to us are just yeah so nurturing so thank you you're so welcome i think it is just finding a little toolkit that we have and of you know short practices that can really help us harness whatever we need whether it's calm whether it's energy whether it's strength. And as you say, like moment to moment, we change. So what we need today might be different to what we need tomorrow. But give you a spell, the self, the grace you would give to someone else that you love. Thank you so much for having me, Anna. Thank you, beautiful words to

end on. Thank you for listening to The Therapy Edit today. If you enjoyed it, please do take a sec to like and subscribe so we can share the words further and wider. If you have an ask and a question or an anonymous confession for the Confessions from the Therapy Room episodes, head to annamartha.com and click on the podcast tab to submit. Want more? Grab a copy of my most recent book, The Uncomfortable Truth. Change your life by taming ten of your mind's greatest fears or enjoy some of the video and downloadable resources on my website, tackling everything from burnout to driving anxiety. So until the next episode, goodbye.

Thank you.