The Therapy Edit - Confessions - I'm done with my job. But they don't know it yet.

Episode Date: December 6, 2024

Today Anna tackles a new anonymous Confession from the Therapy Room;"When I take my annual leave this Christmas, I'm certain I won't face going back. That place has been suffocating me. I'm too cowardly to hand in my notice."Anna replies with some compassionate advice and tips that will help everyone, regardless of whether they can relate to this confession or not.Do you have an Ask Anna question you'd like to submit for future episodes? Or an anonymous confession? Visit the website to learn how Please note - the names and voices of some of the Ask Anna/Confessions contributors may have been changed at their request.

Welcome to the Therapy Edit. I'm your host, Psychotherapist and author Anna Martha. I will be bringing you bite-sized episodes twice a week full of tips, wise words from expert guests and insights to support your mental well-being. Hey, welcome to today's episode of The Therapy Edit, where I share an anonymous confession from the therapy room. This is from a listener who left this confession anonymously for me to chat through. And it's all about change, really. It's all about standing on the edge of change, knowing that how things are is not okay for you, but you just do not know what to do about it. So if you are standing on the precipice of change or you're in a certain circumstance where you're like, oh, I just, I don't want to be here anymore, but I don't know what to do

from now, then this episode is going to be, it's going to really speak to you. So this is the confession. When I take my annual leave this Christmas, I'm certain I won't face going back. That place has been suffocating me. I'm too cowardly to hand in my notice. I just want to say, like, even just being able to say that, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm done. I don't want to do this anymore. That's a really brave thing to do because us humans, we're creatures of habit and familiarity and wanting to change things is a really, really, it's a really brave thing to do to say, I don't want to do this anymore. It's like sticking a stake into the ground, a flag in the ground and saying, right, I can't do this anymore and getting to this point where

I know I need, things need to change. So this listener, you know, if you're listening to this, you say you're too cowardly, but actually I think you're really brave. You just don't know what the next step is. You just don't know you can't see a way forward. But there will be a way forward. And for anyone listening who's just feeling really stuck, there will, there will be a way forward. Sometimes it's really helpful to think back to the big changes that we've made in our lives. And often it does take us to get to that point of no more. I don't want to do this anymore. It can feel really scary because it's like, yeah, standing on the edge. of change and knowing that what has there's there's comforting there's comfort in the familiar

and the normal isn't there even if we do not like it we might not like our jobs we might feel really uncomfortable in a relationship and know that it needs to change but there's a whole new normal ahead that we haven't yet found and it's scary change can be really destabilizing and scary but it doesn't mean it's bad. You know, it's uncomfortable. That's my whole book, you know, my last book is called The Uncomfortable Truth because so much of good change is just,

it requires, it requires getting uncomfortable. So I want to say to this listener, it's great. You know what you don't want anymore. You don't want to go back. So where do you go from here? sometimes stating those things themselves is actually really freeing. I don't want to be in this relationship anymore. I don't want to do this anymore.

You know, you can go for so long feeling like there just is no choice. But when you get to this point, you're realizing that there is a choice. You know, I don't want to do this. Now, work especially takes up a huge amount of time and energy and requires a lot of juggling, especially even more so as a parent or a carer and if you're not happy and work isn't all about being happy is it but if you're really feeling unfulfilled and as this person says here you know they're feeling suffocated by their work then it's so worth change it's so worth exploring what that might look like dayduring allowing yourself to daydream giving yourself some time and space to think

what do I want? What could that look like? I remember working with a car, actually, and it was, you know, part of the therapy was actually just writing the letter of resignation. There was so much therapeutic, you know, it was so therapeutic just to sit there and write that letter of resignation. To think of it as something tangible, might that be something that you do? You write that letter of resignation.

but the other thing I think for anyone that is standing on this kind of precipice of change I would encourage you to have a think what else are you doing in your life that does feel fulfilling and life giving because when there's one area of life and we're not happy you know it's it can it can just kind of eke into other areas of our life and just kind of bring us bring our energy down and we just feel really stuck so ensure that you're investing time and energy into those things in your life that are, that do make, give you that sense of purpose, that do give you that sense of fulfillment. It might be relationships actually that have just gone on the back burner as you've been navigating this. It might be

things that you used to really enjoy routines that used to have that have just fallen by the wayside. You know, pick those things back up if you can. Don't wait to have the energy to do them because they're actually energy giving. And just make sure that you do have those things going on that, yeah, do you feel fulfilling and life-giving when you've got something that feels completely unfulfilling and life-sapping. So I've got three things to do.

Three things to do if you feel like you want to draw a line under a certain part of your life, but you don't know what to do next. You don't know how to go about it. Number one, talk about it. Start processing it with people. who care about you. Start telling me, no, I'm not happy. I don't want to do this anymore. It's suffocating me. People who give really good support and advice. Who are those people in your life? Because when you start having those conversations, the most amazing thing is it starts stirring possibility. It can feel empowering.

We start hearing people's responses. We start believing that maybe, maybe I can do this with their encouragement with their support, maybe there is another way. Step number two is explore your options. What are your options? So for this listener here, what are your options? Can you hand in your notice? Maybe if you're feeling so suffocated and you're just, you're scared about going back, maybe you need to speak to your GP. Maybe you need to think, what are my options there? Is there a conversation? that needs to be had. Does your employer, do your colleagues know that you're feeling this way? I remember a job that I was in once that I was so, so deeply unhappy. I was so deeply unhappy, but I hadn't told anyone, nobody knew in my whole workplace, my colleagues, my bosses, the people

that I was spending hours with every single day, no one knew that I was really unhappy doing what I was doing. And I remember going into an appraisal and them saying, you know what, if you were, a little bit harder. You could get a promotion. I burst into tears. And I said, I don't want a promotion. And they had no idea. And off the back of that conversation, we were able to readdress my workload. There was some dynamics that we could address. But no one had a clue. I'd just been crying on my way into work, crying in the toilets and putting on a brave face and plowing on. you know, are there conversations that could lead to change that make that job a job you want to be in? And the answer may well be no. It may be that you've had those conversations.

It may be that you've tried. It may be that people have, yeah, tried, but it's just not worked out. But if people don't know you feel that way and if there are some changes that need to be made, is there a chance that we need to give it? I think sometimes it feels easier just to draw a line under something than have those difficult conversations. But maybe that's something to think about. You know, what would your dream scenario be, like in a possible way on dream scenarios? I never want to go back there again. I don't ever want to work again.

I mean, wouldn't that be blissful to some people? But no, it's often not the way, is it? But what would your realistic dream scenario be? Maybe it's, I don't want to be on that project anymore. that would be, that would make it sustainable or actually my dream scenario would be that I've really kind of gone down a route in my career that I didn't intend to go down. You know, it's not aligned with my training. I really want to go back to my roots. What would that look like? Spend some time, grab a cup of coffee, spend some time, you know, Googling for different jobs,

perhaps, just seeing what's out there. Because all of this, even if it doesn't come to fruition, these jobs that you're looking at, what it does, it stirs up again, that possibility, that potential for change. So yeah, explore what your options are. If you're a writer, write it all down, work through the options, talk about the options. And then number three is take a step. What might you do next? You've got Christmas ahead. You're thinking, well, I'm going to have time off over Christmas, so I won't think about it. I'll just have to, you know, I want to hand in my notice, but I don't want to think about it. But actually, sometimes we're just delaying. We're just kind of kicking the can down the road. What might you do now? It might be that you gather support

from friends and family. It might be that you look at your finances and you think, right, if I did hand in my notice, what would that look like? Can I afford to hand my notice in? Do I need to have something to go to? If you can hand your notice in, start thinking about what are those next steps? or maybe you set a time frame and you explore job options. And even just doing that, being proactive gives you that fresh sense of hope. You can make change. I remember when I actually ended up leaving a job that I didn't love. And for a while, I just did tent work to pay the bills.

And I think it's so dependent on different financial needs. My financial needs back in that day were very. very, very different. It was more about just kind of paying, paying the rent on a flat in London. So I ended up working on a, on the Stainsbury's head office switchboard. I was actually really, really happy doing that for a while because it was, yeah, it was just a step whilst I trained to do the next thing. But I think sometimes we can really feel backed into a corner by life. We can really feel stuck. But there is support out there. If you're in a relationship that you feel stuck in, there is support out there. There's therapeutic support.

guidance. There are charities. There are phone lines. There are people who know and love you and may well have no idea what's going on for you. But yeah, just start start daydreaming. Maybe write out that letter of resignation just to see how it feels. Start opening, opening your eyes up to you the possibility and the potential for change. It might be interim change. It might be that the circumstances just have to be rejigged at work, and that makes it more sustainable whilst you look at more longer term change for you. But yeah, you're not cowardly, lovely listener. You're actually really brave in wanting to stick that flag in the ground and say, I can't do this anymore. And it can feel really unnerving when you don't know what the future holds. But have a little think, you know,

a year from today, what would you like that to look like? What would feeling more fulfilled and content look like for you and what would that first step towards change be even if it's just chatting it through with a friend and gifting yourself that first step make it small if that's what it needs to be but change it's uncomfortable it's unknown you know but but actually it's an incredibly brave brave brave thing to do and you will find your new normal and one day you'll look back on this time and you'll think gosh I really had to get to that point where I couldn't do it more, but I'm so glad that I took that leap. I'm so glad that I changed direction. I'm so glad that I spoke up and spoke out. So I'm sending you love and I hope you find, yeah, what that next

step is for you, but it will be there. Take care. Thank you for listening to The Therapy Edit today. If you enjoyed it, please do take a sec to like and subscribe so we can share the words further and wider. If you have an ask and a question or an anonymous confession, for the Confessions from the Therapy Room episodes, head to anamatha.com and click on the podcast tab to submit. Want more? Grab a copy of my most recent book, The Uncomfortable Truth. Change your life by taming 10 of your mind's greatest fears or enjoy some of the video and downloadable resources on my website, tackling everything from burnout to driving anxiety. So until the next episode, goodbye.