The Therapy Edit - Confessions- Panic Attacks Stop Me Leaving The House

Episode Date: November 8, 2024

Today Anna tackles another anonymous Confession from the Therapy Room;"I haven't left the house on my own all year due to panic attachs when I'm out. GP help hasn't been effective. How can I get my confidence back."Anna replies with some compassionate advice and tips that will help everyone, regardless of whether they can relate to this confession or not.Do you have an Ask Anna question you'd like to submit for future episodes? Or an anonymous confession? Visit the website to learn how Please note - the names and voices of some of the Ask Anna/Confessions contributors may have been changed at their request.

Welcome to The Therapy Edit. I'm your host, Psychotherapist and author Anna Martha. I will be bringing you bite-sized episodes twice a week full of tips, wise words from expert guests and insights to support your mental well-being. Hello, welcome to today's confession from the therapy room. So today's is all about kind of panic and anxiety and wanting to address. something that is really holding you back. So this listener's particular confession might not resonate with you. However, I'm going to share lots of tips and thoughts that will be really resonant for anyone who is struggling with something, anyone who is wanting to challenge and change or step forward or grow in a certain area of life that maybe you felt quite restricted in. So here we go. Here's the confession.

It goes like this. I haven't left the house at all, on my own, all year due to panic attacks when I'm out. GP help hasn't been affected. How do I get my confidence back? First of all, let's just start with the compassion. The compassion for the confession. This is hard, isn't it? And it's hard when the world just feels like a really scary place. It's hard. Panic attacks are horrible. Panic a task can just feel so all-consuming and overwhelming. And if you have been experiencing panic or anxiety that is triggered by something, of course, it's really natural and very human to want to avoid that thing. But actually, what this confession, this listener is saying, like, I don't want to be restricted anymore. You might recognize listening to this that there has been

a habit, there has been something that actually has had such a hold over you for so long. you have been avoiding it out of way of actually just trying to stay safe, trying to feel comfortable, but ultimately you're realising that actually building that wall, trying to keep yourself safe, it's also keeping you stuck, it's keeping you lonely. It's restricting your experience of life. Maybe it's restricting joy. Maybe it's restricting that part of you that just wants to, just wants to connect to people, just wants to experience things, just wants to have a bit of an adventure, that really human part in you, that, you know, you've been trying to do everything you can to avoid that horrible feeling. But actually, it's meant also that so much else has been

shut out as you've tried to kind of, as you've sought to do that. So there's the compassion. It's really natural to want to avoid the things that feel hard. And it's amazing that you're wanting to seek confidence. It's amazing that you are wanting to step. out and that is uncomfortable, but the growing is going to be in the discomfort. I think with panic attacks, you know, when I've worked with panic attacks, and I've experienced them in my own life and I know how unpleasant and scary they can be. And so often people end up in the emergency room because they think that they're having a heart attack. This is the intensity of panic attacks. And in that moment, it can feel like you're dying. In that moment, it can feel like the lights of hope are going

out and you don't know what to do, but they always end. You are bigger than the panic attacks. That panic attack is a wave of intense and uncomfortable and sometimes unbearable physiological response to fear. And it will peak like a wave, that top bit where you think, I can't do this, I can't do this, it's going to go on forever and it's scary and horrible. And it subsides. And it subsides. think of all the panic attack all those moments of anxiety that you have experienced they have all past all of them

maybe that you're listening to this and you're like Anna my life just feels like one long low level panic attack these tips are going to be helpful for you too because that panic is there for a reason that panic is there because in that moment or because of that thing you feel unsafe and there will be a reason

that being outside for this listener has it feels threatening to her. There will be something over time that we'll have kind of fuelled this narrative that it is safer to stay indoors in the familiar. And actually after the pandemic, it's so many people experienced anxiety at leaving the house because we were taught. You know, it was through fear that it's dangerous out there. It's dangerous out there. So it works. You know, when we're scared, we tend to do what we're told. But actually, when the world opens up and there is a renewed sense of safety in time, you know, for many that, that fear, that fear carried on.

That fear carried on. So whatever it was for you, lovely listener, whatever it was, there will be a reason as to why your brain has thought, actually, you know what, staying inside is so much safer. But now you're at that point and you want more for yourself. I think when we want to address a fear or a phobia or we want to find a new way to navigate the things that historically of course panic and anxiety. It can be very tempting just to rip the band-aid off

and think, right, that's it. Tomorrow I'm going out and I'm going to the shops and I'm going to see a friend and I'm going to rip the band-aid off and actually I would say go gently, go gently on yourself. There is an inner child and I will always probably mention the inner child in these episodes

that's a little you inside that is so scared. You know, and if one of my kids are scared and I, if they would say, I don't, I don't want to go down the water flume, you know, the water, the log flume, whatever. And if I was just to say, you're going down, pushing them down, down they go. And they're just full of fear and they feel alone in it. Then of course, might actually compound their fear because that experience wasn't a positive one. If I'm to say, if they would say, I'm scared, but I want to do it. And I'll say, okay, let's take it. Let's take it gently. I'll come with you. You know, let's watch some people go down first.

Let's see their happy faces at the bottom as they've enjoyed that. Let's just challenge that narrative that it's a scary thing and then we'll do it together. And you say, a listener says that she hasn't been out on her own or yes. So maybe it's been a comfort thing to have someone with her. But that narrative that if I'm to go on my own and have a panic attack, I can't, I can't cope. So what would I say? Don't rip the bandaid off. Take it gently.

Take it gently. Take it slowly. That's a reason that this is anxiety provoking for you. So let's respect that. Let's grow gently. What therapeutic support might you access? It might be a therapist if that's affordable for you. It might be encouragement from a therapeutic friend. Have you got a friend that is therapeutic? You know, those friends that are just supportive and kind, you know, how might you ask them to support you? And it might be that actually if you've historically felt comfortable going out of the house with someone or if you face anxiety for those listening and, you know, you've had certain ways of doing it, but actually you just really want to challenge that you want to go that step further. For this listener, it's, you know, you want to get out on your own. You want to take it further. You know, what support might you need?

Maybe you have a phone call. Maybe you talk to someone on the phone. Maybe that's the next step for you. What is the next step for you in your situation to nerd. the nudge the boundary of that comfort zone that little bit more. For me, I've been addressing my fear of spiders this year. I've decided I don't want to be scared of them anymore. So what I've started doing is just nudging the parameters of my comfort zone each time. So for me, historically it used to be that I shut the door and pretend it never, it's not there and I

wait until someone can come, even the postman, I've asked the postman to come and get a spider before. It's just nudging that comfort zone. Okay, what does it mean? to me this time to, um, you know, leave that door open. What does it mean to move a little bit closer? What does it mean to look at a photo of a spider? What does it mean to, and actually, you know what, I've got to a place that I have gently, gently nudged that, nudged that boundary of my comfort zone. Last night, I've picked up a spider in my bath and I threw it out the window. And I'm so wildly proud of myself, but I didn't do that from ripping off the back. and just going right in there and terrifying myself and giving myself a bad experience so much so

that actually I probably compound the fear. I think I'm never doing that again and it makes it worse because that adrenaline, that cortisol that floods our bodies when we're panic. It just takes over and it makes it worse that I experience. So how can you challenge that narrative? What does that look like for you? Does it look like letting a friend coach you through it or a therapist coach you through it on the phone. Does it then look like maybe listen to a podcast or something that sounds really familiar to you? And having that voice, that grounding voice in your ears, whatever your anxiety might be triggered by, what does it look like for you to take that next step to freedom, not ripping off the band-aid, but taking it gently and taking it slowly and allowing the most

important thing is that you get to a place where you are in that situation, that anxiety, has subsided. And it just feels a bit boring. That is the sweet spot. Okay, is that it might be that for a week you step outside each day and you speak to a friend five minutes and you do five minutes, maybe even two. You start with two. You get your friend on the phone or someone support him and you say, okay, I'm doing my two minutes. Talk to me, please. I feel quite anxious. You know, and your friend or whoever that may be will just speak some kind, grounding words. the beginning can be really hard to offer them to ourselves and then maybe the next day you do four minutes and then you get to the end of the week and you think I'm so sick of talking to the

same person every day and like doing this and actually that is a great point to be where it starts to feel normal and then you think okay I'm going to go to a podcast now and you start gently nudging the parameters is what I did with driving anxiety I didn't drive for 10 years because I was so fearful and now I drive all the time and I'm often very very much. find myself bored on the motorway and I think, yes, this is boring and I'm so happy because I've got to this point. I'm not white knuckled, breathing my anxiety away and, you know, get to each of those points where it is just boring and normal. And then you know that you're ready to nudge it that little bit further. Just think what therapeutic support might you need. And then once you've done that,

once you've done those few minutes and you've got to that place where your nervous system has just become a little bit more calm and familiar, go back to your place of safety, go back to your comfort zone, allow yourself to retreat and be proud of yourself for what you have done. You know, confidence, and this is what you're asking, so what our listener is asking here, how can I get my confidence back? It's a muscle. It's a muscle that is to, that strengthens with use. And as you ride the waves of anxiety and it may well be that you feel that anxiety building, and you think, I'm safe. It's okay.

Maybe you've got someone in your ears saying these things, whether you're moving towards a spider, or whether you're driving the car, or whether you're stepping outside of your house alone, whatever it may be. Use the anxiety techniques. You know, use them to tell your body that you're safe. Because your body is feeling like you're being chased by a bear

and that you've got your fight and flight, you've got adrenaline, your cortisol, all of those things happening in your body. So use the techniques, whatever they are for you. What are those techniques that have? help you. For me, it is the long exhale. That just tells my body that I'm safe. It activates that rest and digest part of our nervous system. When everything is feeling flooded and everything is feeling like a lot, that is a really amazing way to tell your body that you're safe. So develop that

gentle inner coach. Instead of, we can often be quite critical, can't we, you know, for goodness sake, come on, people do this all the time. What's wrong with you? Or for me, with driving. Oh, what's wrong with you, Anna, like you're however years old now. Like you've had a licence for so long. You should just, oh, you should, should, should, should, should. You know what? Throw the shoulds out the window. This is where you are and there will be a reason as to why you are here. So develop that gentle inner coach when you notice that that critical shaming voice is there. So start small, build it up. Recognise when you're when you're feeling safe in that environment and then retreat to your comfort zone and feel proud. And there are loads of resources online. So there's a website

called Overcoming.com.com.com. And they have lots of self-help resources and apps. So I know that you know, therapy can be hard to combine. It has financial restrictions. But I really hope that those tools, those insights, encouragement to go gently on yourself and to, yeah, just allow yourself to acknowledge. Acknowledge when you take those steps. Just think what would it be like to nudge that comfort zone a little bit more? What would that look like? How can I ride that? that wave of anxiety that will probably occur because I'm putting myself in a situation that historically the narrative around that has been a lack of safety and a feeling of threat. How can I nurture myself to ride that wave of anxiety that will abate and it will pass?

But what happens is where we tend to check out as soon as it starts rising. We tend to say, but I'm going, I'm going back to my comforts. I'm going, I'm retreating. This is too painful. It's too scary. But actually, if we can have people to nurture us through that way, so that we're in that situation that we find threatening that we know cognitive cognitively is safe then this is that yeah that's where that's where that's strengthening of that muscle of confidence

will happen and the parameters of what feels safe to you will expand so I hope that that is hopeful I just want to fill you with so much hope because honestly there are so many things in my life that I have been so fearful of phobic or phobic off that have prompted panic attacks and I promise you that in time and it happens over time, not overnight. But there is hope. There is real hope. I'm testament of it. I've got so many clients that are testament of this.

And yeah, I just hope that that brings a bit of hope to you. And take care and I'll speak to you very soon. Thank you for listening to The Therapy Edit today. If you enjoyed it, please do take a sec to like and subscribe so we can share the words further and wider. If you have an Ask Anna question or an anonymous confession for the Confessions from the Therapy Room episodes, head to anamatha.com and click on the podcast tab to submit. Want more? Grab a copy of my most recent book, The Uncomfortable Truth. Change your life by taming 10 of your mind's greatest fears or enjoy some of the video and downloadable resources on my website, tackling everything from burnout to driving anxiety. So until the next episode, goodbye. Thank you.