The Therapy Edit - Confessions - playing with my kids is boring

Episode Date: February 21, 2025

Today Anna tackles a new anonymous Confession from the Therapy Room;"I find the park, unless I'm with friends, boring, and I wonder how much longer we need to stay! I also feel similar when playing with my young children, 3 and 5, at home and feel like the worst mum for thinking this. I want to love playing with them but the reality is I get bored quick and just think of all the jobs I could be doing instead."Anna replies with some compassionate advice and tips that will help everyone, regardless of whether they can relate to this confession or not.Please note - the names and voices of some of the Ask Anna/Confessions contributors may have been changed at their request.

Welcome to the Therapy Edit. I'm your host, Psychotherapist and author Anna Martha. I will be bringing you bite-sized episodes twice a week full of tips, wise words from expert guests and insights to support your mental well-being. Hi there. I hope you're having a lovely day, afternoon, evening, any of those times, as you tune into this confession episode of the Therapy Edit where I take one of your anonymous confessions and put my therapeutic hat on and, yeah, share some thoughts. So today's confession will, oh gosh, certain parts this really resonate with me. And it's this, I find the park unless I'm with friends boring. And I wonder how much longer we need to stay. I also feel similar when playing with my young children who are three and five at home and feel like the worst mom for thinking

this. I want to love playing with them. But the reality is, I get bored quick and just think of all of the jobs I could be doing instead. I mean, I think that feeling of being like the worst mum, I just really want to address that because it's, you're just funny, it's boring. It's just not your cup of tea. Playing is just not your cup of tea. And I think sometimes we feel so much guilt around feelings when really our feelings are just a response to the circumstances and that's a lot of guilt to be carrying if you really feel like the worst mum for thinking something that let me tell you this me included so many people don't find it easy to play so many people don't really want to be in a park i mean what unless you've got a friend to talk to

Or you're full of energy and you fancy having a swing yourself or don't feel ridiculously sick. I feel seasick when I got on the swing now. I used to love going on the swing. And oh, they're sort of going on like a merry-go-round or a seesaw. Like if I've got energy and we've got a partner near our house, we can go to the park and I can get involved and we play a game or we try and find a four-leaf clover. That was quite fun once in the summer. I say once because it was just one.

There was a big seesaw that you can stand on. So I do find that fun. But I have to have energy. And I think it's understandable that you're not really having a whale of a time in the park. And there's also stuff for our kids to play on, right? So we don't have to play. We can chat or we can just rest or we can, you know, I think there's so much guilt when they're just it's kind of understandable, like, I'm trying to think of stuff that I've never loved. I've never love watching football. My husband has always loved watching football. Now I've got kids, two of which love football. I've not suddenly turned into someone who really enjoys watching football. I will stand and watch my son sometimes at the size of football pitch. My husband does it because he loves it.

I do it because I want to watch him play football every now and again and I know it brings him joy and I love that it brings him joy but to suddenly expect that it would bring me lots of joy as well. It's quite a tall order like as if our preferences suddenly shift and change and we have children and suddenly standing in a in a damp park with lots of kind of noise and little fights and is suddenly going to be our cup of tea and really. we're just having a normal human response to standing in a park. I think sometimes it's the pressure that we place on ourselves to have a great time or to be really engaged. And it's so fine for children to have independent play. And I think, I don't know about you, but when I look back to my childhood, I don't remember my parents being massively involved in playing. I used to do lots of crafts on the floor in the living room and get superglue everywhere. and my brother and I, we used to, you know, we used to play in the garden and stuff, but I don't remember my parents being massively involved in play.

And I know it's probably very different when you've got one child. And that onus may sit more on you to facilitate the entertainment. But I just think when you're in a park, if your kids are having a nice time, oh, it's okay to think, oh, like, when can we go home? isn't my cup of tea and I just think that's I just think that's okay I sometimes wonder if this pressure that we heap upon ourselves to be ultra engaged is actually born out of guilt that we feel for not being as present as we'd like to maybe because we're working more than we ideally wish we we had to or maybe because when we're with our children we're just a bit distracted

because we've got feelings and it's full on and it's loud and we disappear off into our phones. And so I just wonder whether this pressure that we place upon ourselves is actually trying to find an antidote to the guilt that we feel that we are not present as much as we feel we should be. If you've got my book, The Uncomfortable Truth, then one of the chapters actually addresses this and it's called I Can't Be Present All the Time. So this one might be a really good one for you to read. just want to say it's okay to feel this way. You're not a bad parent. You're not a bad man for finding really what is not created to entertain adults. It's meant to entertain kids. So it's

understandable. Like a teenager would probably find a play part boring unless they were up to no good, you know, or with their friends. And actually when it comes to play, so playing with the kids, I also think this is something that would be really good to talk about because I don't like, I don't love the kind of playing that my kids want to do sometimes because I don't have the energy. And I think, A, we kind of need energy in order to play. We need energy to kind of lean into a creative moment. We need energy to conjure up, you know, a role in a role play or be mega enthusiastic about making Playdo hair. And sometimes we just don't have the energy. So what do we do then when we actually want to engage and connect with our kids, but we just don't really feel like we've got it in the tank to play.

And actually we just find it quite boring. So that's what I'm going to give you some tips for, you know, I think knowing that connection doesn't have to look like swinging with your kids in the park or sitting on the floor, putting together jigsaws. what's important is that you are having those moments of connections so maybe you just kind of sit and you're there whilst they play you ask them questions you're on the side of the pitch cheering them on or you just enjoy that kind of snack together afterwards they're thinking what are those moments of connection if i don't feel able to i don't want to engage in that connection

to replay what can i do around the play another tip is thinking about what is is what does feel manageable for me? What can I engage in? Or how long can I engage in this? And you might just say, you know what, I'm going to, I'm going to do five minutes. I'm going to say, yes, I will sit down and I will play with you for five minutes. And even you just put a discrete timer on your phone. So, you know, mentally, it's got a, it's got an end time. How much can you throw yourself into it in at that time? And I will say this, when I take the pressure off myself to engage and enjoy, sometimes they actually ironically find myself enjoying it more. There have been times recently where my daughter's wanted to do colouring. So I thought, okay, I used to quite like colouring.

So what can I draw? And we did shrinkies the other day. Can you remember those little bits of, it's kind of like plastic paper that you, that you like draw on and then you put it in the oven and it did what we put it in the air fry and it glows around and it comes out quite warm. but it's really quick. And I, you know, my son was doing a science project, so he was air-frying, shrinking, shrunken planets. And I decided I would do some cacti. And I had so much fun. I wasn't expecting to, but I ended up really enjoying being creative. And I think sometimes we can find it quite like an exhausting prospect to do. But actually, if we find a way that we would like to do, actually I don't want to draw cats, but I would like to do some doodling.

So you do the cats and I'll do the doodling. You know, I don't really, like, it's a bit boring watching you do tiny, shrinky planets. But, you know what, actually I'm going to, I'm going to make something for my daughter. I'm going to make a little charm that she can put in a brace in. I just find it quite surprising that sometimes when I remove the pressure off myself and just think, I'm just going to engage for five minutes wholeheartedly and then give myself permission to step away and be more in the hovering zone. actually how sometimes I can find myself being quite energized by doing something fun, doing something

creative. Maybe when you're at the park or when your child is playing, you just are around and you are interruptible. So reading a book feels so much more interruptible than diving into your phone, doesn't it? Or maybe just using that time to just sit down and slow. And instead of thinking of all the things that you could be doing. Just think, you know what, I am so often tired. I am so often finding it hard to find ways to slow down and rest. So how might I actually use this moment when my kid is tearing around the park or playing at my feet? How can I use this moment as a moment of rest? Make it something for you. Have a book on your Kindle in your bag. Have a, you know, bring some, bring a nice kind of thermos last quick tea.

or something, make this moment for you too. And yeah, I mean, hopefully this is giving you some ideas, but I think it's really important to remember that playing with your kid is only one part of parenting, and I do think there is more pressure to be present and be engaged and be as the antidote to guilt that we so often feel. So if you recognize that that is happening for you, and I definitely recognize that that was happening for me, what has been really helpful for me is just, finding pockets of the day where I am more intentionally present with my kids.

And I've done that recently, and if you follow me on social media, see that I've just been raving about this app. They do not pay me to it. I don't even think they know I'm talking about them. But it's this app I found called app block. And it basically blocks apps on your phone at certain times the day. So I've just blocked my work apps, social media and email, and other things that I can find myself kind of compulsively scrolling on.

I've blocked them. between the time that the kids get back from school and the time they go to bed. And honestly, just removing that option means that I am more present with them. And I think when we find these little ways and little pockets of time to be more intentionally available, actually we don't place so much pressure on the play and on those moments where we're with them. And yeah, we feel like we should always question the shoulds. you know play is just one part of parenting and you'll have seasons of life where you have the

energy to engage in different ways and the love stability and the guidance that you give the presence that you give kind of physically and mentally and emotionally those are so important too so sometimes we can just focus on that one thing that we feel guilty about without recognizing all the other things in life that we we are giving them that come maybe not don't feel so intentional. And yeah, if there's moments arise that you are genuinely up for kind of diving into that world of role play or jigsaw doing, then just, yeah, just lean into it. And don't pressure yourself to be finding and making those moments every day. So, yeah, make those moments serve you too, especially the more passive play moments. And know that finding boss,

thing's boring, things boring, things that arraigned at kids, being an adult who doesn't find that particularly a great place to be in the play park. It just makes a lot of sense to me. So I hope this has helped in kind of relieving some of that pressure. And yeah, I'll be back soon. Thank you for listening to The Therapy Edit today. If you enjoyed it, please do take a sec to like and subscribe so we can share the words further and wider. If you have an Ask Anna question or an anonymous confession for the Confessions from the Therapy Room episodes, head to anamatha.com and click on the podcast tab to submit. Want more? Grab a copy of my most recent book, The Uncomfortable Truth. Change your life by taming 10 of your mind's greatest fears or enjoy some of the video and downloadable resources on my website, tackling everything from burnout to driving anxiety. So until the next episode, goodbye.

Thank you.