The Therapy Edit - On 5 gentle thoughts about sadness

Episode Date: September 19, 2022

In this special episode of The Therapy Edit, Anna considers 5 gentle thoughts on how we can honour and understand thoughts of feelings and sadness.This episode is published on the day of Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II's funeral.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hi everyone. I really wanted to record a special episode of the Therapy Edit today as in England, we have the Queen's funeral today. So I wanted to share some thoughts for you to bring a little bit of clarity, some gentle thoughts to bring some insight into feelings of sadness, loss and grief that may well be bubbling up for many different people. And whilst I personally hold deep respect for the Queen, her constancy and her diligence, regardless of feelings towards the monarchy, I've spoken to those who have been surprised at their own kind of stirred emotions

or perhaps those who didn't expect themselves or someone they care about or a friend to feel the way that they do or to feel the grief or lost to the extent that they have been perhaps or maybe there's been a numbness or a confusion about mixed feelings that have arisen at this time and those are all things I'm going to touch on in five things that I hope will bring

some kind of clarity and understanding increased compassion and self-awareness towards ourselves and others as we process a huge shift in our culture and a huge loss. So number one, the first thing I was thinking about is, you know, as we hold those minutes of silence or we watch footage of the coffin, you know, how can we not think about those that we've lost in our lives and the funerals that we've been to? for me this is always something that I have felt when I've been to any funerals is just suddenly this kind of this swelling awareness of other people that I've lost

because loss touches loss feelings stir feelings and if I was to share a memory with you of a certain place that I'd been to and you had been there too your brain would immediately and perhaps even your body would immediately kind of hop back to a time that maybe you'd be in there as well and you might remember the smells you might remember the memories that you have suddenly they all start they can't they come rushing forward don't they and so as we experience and see this collective sadness this collective grief and loss that our country is going through, it is so understandable then that other griefs and other losses will be stirred up. So if you're finding, and I've spoken to so many people over the last, you know, week or so,

that if you're finding that actually, you know, I'm feeling so much sadder than I expected, then it may well be that the loss is stirring upon the loss. The sadness is stirring deeper sadness. And that's completely normal, especially if there is a loss or a grief that you haven't yet journeyed through or processed. Sometimes we tuck it all away. And one of the things about grief is that it's, you know, it's very patient. It waits. It sits and waits for us. And then sadness is often something we want to avoid, isn't it? We don't like it. It's uncomfortable. It can feel it can feel like such a big thing to even think about the deep sadnesses perhaps that we've

experienced so therefore when there is this collective acknowledgement of a loss and a sadness it can be really hard to feel that perhaps unresolved or unprocessed grief stirred within us so if you are finding this kind of resurgence or this fresh wave of sudden and grief and loss then. It's completely understandable. The second one I wanted to to touch on was that loss does that conversation about death and loss. And I've also seen some wonderful things written about aging. And these tend to be things that we spend. Many of us have, you know, there's so many anxieties around death and loss for many of us. I've shared quite a lot about the death of my sister when I was younger and the health anxiety that I've had as a result

of that, this real fear deep within me that something bad is going to happen to one of my children or someone that I love. And, you know, there's nothing that can fully promise me or prevent that from ever happening. And death is one of those things that and loss and grief is one of those things that we're 100% going to experience in our lives. And many spend, many, use many different tools to try and avoid thinking about that. So when it's right there in our face and on our papers and in our news feeds and on our TVs, it can really stir up that fear. And I'd encourage you, if you need to limit how much mainstream media you're consuming, it doesn't mean that you don't care. It can be a form of self-care. But I would say if it's stirring up

any unprocessed loss or trauma, then please do speak to someone. Please do speak to someone. Number three, stop the emotional comparison. You know, you may feel at this time differently to those around you and you may be surprised by some of the feelings that arise with you just as you may be surprised by some of the different feelings that arise in others, those around you. But we've touched on some of the reasons this might be. So don't put pressure on yourself and others. to feel a certain way as there are often always deeper meanings behind the feelings that we see portrayed. I've spoken to people in light of these thoughts, really, who have suddenly had that light bulb moment where they recognise that this deep, heavy sadness they were feeling was

actually also an acknowledgement of their grandmother that they miss or a loss that's happened in the last couple of years that they haven't had time to process. So it's so helpful and kind to suspend judgment both on ourselves and on others with how people are responding to what's going on and the loss that we're going through collectively. Number four, now the queen has been a stable figure in our society. She has been the queen for as long as I have ever known. And we have been been through such a time of unease, haven't we? You know, we've been through the pandemic. We are very aware of the war in Ukraine. There's been a new PM. There is a lot of political unease. There is fear around climate change. So many of these big structures, these big things that,

you know, they really affect our sense of safety, don't they? They really affect our awareness, that sense of vulnerability and that has been our sense of safety has been shaken consistently for a few years so it's understandable to feel extra uneasy and at sea at the moment so when you look at it in the context of the wider picture and all that has been happening over the last few years especially of course of course you're going to feel uneasy and finally number five this has been pertinent for me at this time is that it you know the loss of our queen and marks the end of an era doesn't it and our country is pausing things are being held off things are being paused to acknowledge the shift and the loss in our culture and you know that that word era the end of an era

has just been echoing in my mind and it makes me think of all the other eras I've not paused for that have ended times in my life big chunks of time even being a student or living at home or the end of nursery schools and the ends of living in one place and leaving friends these these eras that we just move so quickly from one thing to another and how often do we pause and slow to think and let it settle to process the losses that we might have incurred in moving, you know, moving from one stage, one season to another. So as our country pauses to let this loss settle, it may well be stirring up all those other shifts and changes and seasons that

you've transitioned and moved through that perhaps you never paused for so there we go just five little insights that i have been reflecting on in light of the loss of our queen and i hope that they have been helpful for you and my main thing would be go gently on yourself suspend judgment and know that there are always deeper meanings behind the feelings. Thank you for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you enjoyed it, please do share, subscribe or review because it makes a massive difference to how many people it can reach. You can find more from me on Instagram at Anna Martha.

You might like to check out my three books, Mindave and Mother, Know Your Worth, and my new book, The Little Book of Calm for New Mum's, Grounding Words, for the highs, the lows and the moments in between. It's a little book. You don't need to read it from front to back. You just pick whatever emotion resonates to find a mantra, a tip

and some supportive words to bring comfort and clarity. You can also find all my resources, guides and videos all with the sole focus of supporting your emotional and mental well-being as a month. They are all 12 pounds and you can find them on anamatha.com. I look forward to speaking with you soon. Thank you.