The Therapy Edit - On 5 things that changed my life

Episode Date: July 3, 2023

In this solo episode of The Therapy Edit, Anna offers the first 5, of 10 things that have changed her life.Achievable for most and totally free, this small changes really can be game changers for all mums. Why not give them a try? And be sure to tune in next week for part 2 -5 more thing that changed Anna's life!

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hi everyone. I hope you're well today. I'm recording this in half term and I have got all of my workers wedged into one day this week and the house is currently quiet. It's really lovely. So I'm recording some podcasts. Yesterday I was scrolling on the gram as I do sometimes and I came across a post and it was an influencer, celebrity sharing some things that they do in their day-to-day live. That really helps them. Now they were great things. Some of them were free. Some of them were incredibly expensive. Some of them were not achievable or attainable to others. And I

thought I would do my own. So I'm doing two episodes. So listen out for another one coming up next week where across these two episodes, I'm going to, I'm going to share 10 things that I do regularly that have changed my life. Now, I am ensuring all of these things are totally free. And all of these things are things that everyone, most people are able to do. Number one, now this one feels so obvious and I think a lot of these things really are but they're not always easy to keep as a habit but this one has changed my life drinking more water I used to get daily headaches and there was a time when for me that really triggers a lot of health anxiety after losing my sister to brain cancer so I'm very wary of headaches I was getting

daily headaches every day towards the end of the day. I'd sit on the sofa when the kids are in bed and just, oh, this horrible, heavy, dull ache. And I decided one day to just try drinking more water. And the headache lifted. Not only that, I started feeling more thirsty. And I've read that when we overlook our basic body signals, our bodies just stop signaling to so I think I thought I wasn't a very thirsty person when actually my body had stopped signaling to me that I was thirsty. Not only did it impact my headaches in an amazing way, but also my whole nervous system felt differently. My whole body felt calmer. I felt like I was less irritable and the reason for this is when we are depleted, when we are thirsty, our body is in need. And there is

our nervous system is under stress because we're missing one of the basic elements that we need as humans. Number two is deep breaths, an extended exhale. It's something I do automatically now when I'm feeling stressed out. It's something I learned to do in prenatal baby classes when they taught us how to do the extended out breath really good for labour. And it was great for labour. It was brilliant. However, I didn't realize quite how important and how helpful it is in life. I've done a podcast episode with BreathPod, and you can find that as well. Talks a lot more about this. But basically, that extended outrest that you do in yoga or swimming or anything like that, that extended exhale, just in deep, deep inhale. And then just extend your exhale. Now, I do this a lot.

I use it a lot for anxiety when I'm driving just to breathe away, waves of anxiety that I might feel. I also use it when I recognize that my fight or flight stress response has picked up. Now, this happens to me a lot in parenting when I recognize that I'm tensing up, that I'm getting cross, that I'm feeling really frustrated, that I'm feeling a bit cornered by life, you know, that feeling. And deep breathing, that extended exile, I'll literally just walk around my kitchen extending my exhale and what that does it enables me to reaccess that really important rational brain that calmer body response that calmer nervous system response that enables us to respond to our kids or the stressful situation a way that we actually want to rather than in the way that comes

outside way so deep breaths deep extended exhale absolute game changer for me really, really helpful and totally free. Number three, time blocking. I didn't even realize that time blocking was a thing. I started doing it because I had such a long to-do list with work and life and I was always just constantly at the pursuit of the end of it and we know where that goes, doesn't it? We never get there because more gets added on. And suddenly I looked at this, you know, one day I looked at this to-do list and I thought this is just, it's exhausting. It's a constant pressure on my shoulders. I'm never getting to the end of it. So I decided that every time something came in, what I would do is I put it as an event in my diary.

So when I get work requests come in, I put it as an event. I think, how long is this going to take me? And I put it as an event in my diary. So my work days often look really busy when actually they're just me getting through my to-do list. But because it's in my diary as an event, I feel like it really holds me accountable. I think, right, this is the time I've got to do this and this is the time I'm moving on to that next thing. And I'm, I'm good. So I'd really recommend it. If you've got a to-do list, whether it's just life admin, work admin, how can you just pop things in your diary? So that and set reminders, that's another thing I've been lived by is setting reminders. So I'm not having to hold it in my head because I think sometimes the stress comes and the overwhelm comes with all of the stuff. We know we're

holding in our minds trying to just hold on to it so that we don't forget it, put it somewhere. The next thing number four is walking, when and where I can. It's something that I started doing more in lockdown. Funny enough, like everyone else, there was little else that we could do. But I really recognise the benefits of walking. I recognize that when I come back from a walk, I don't feel the same as I did when I left. I used to invite friends around for a glass of wine And on the sofa, that's how I used to catch up with my friends, whereas now I'm far more inclined to say, hey, let's go for a walk. Can we meet up and we go for a walk? Walking is really good for our bodies. I know we know about the physicalities. We know how it's good for us to move. But it really

enables us to access our creative and problem solving brain. So if you're having a sticky, tricky situation in life or in work going walking is so good to access the part of our brain that helps us untangle that a little bit and I think we can we can plan walks in and they often get edged out of our diary don't they but actually if we if you can pause and go for a walk you'll come back to your challenge or your work situation with a different mindset I promise you and the fifth and final thing that is free that has been really helpful over the last How many years, I've been trying to work on this because it's not easy. And know you're worth, my book goes into a lot about the importance of vulnerability

and how we can start growing a confidence with that. My new book, also raising a happier mother, it delves and dives into this too. But the fifth and final thing is being more honest with friends. Again, free, but not easy for many of us. It has to be really intentional. or has to be a choice sometimes we have to push you our fear and our discomfort, our fear that we might be a burden, our discomfort that we might feel misunderstood. And it takes time to grow in confidence and being more honest.

And I think knowing that actually the more we validate ourselves, the more we nurture and allow for our emotions, the less it matters when we're misunderstood by others. but being more honest with friends going beyond the I'm okay reaching out and say I'm having a really tough day even if they cannot do anything about it because they can stand alongside you in those emotions even if they can't take them away I'll give you some wise words that really change it but next time you're having a tough day or you're feeling overwhelmed or you've got a challenge that is just sitting heavily on your shoulders how might you just be honest with a friend. So you're not having to brave face it, fake a smile that you're able just

to be more you and to feel more authentic in their company. So being more honest with friends has absolutely changed. Changed my life. And I've realized that I feared so much that if people really knew me, I mean really knew me, they'd run away screaming when actually it's deepened my relationships and enriched my life because of it, even though at times I've opened up with sweaty palms and clenched bum cheeks and a racing heart. But overall, yes, I've been misunderstood along the way. Yes, there were people that haven't said the right things I've needed here or people that have, yeah, just not been able to be there. But actually, overall, it's helped me be more validating towards myself and it's really deepened my relationships,

which has, yeah, changed my life. So there we go. Five. little things that are actually quite big. Listen in next week for five more. Thank you so much for listening. Please do take a moment to subscribe, rate and review as it really helps get these words out to benefit more juggling parents like us. And head to anamatha.com to find my resources on everything from health anxiety to people pleasing, starting at only 20 pounds. And finally, don't forget to pre-order my new book. raising a happier mother, how to find balance, feel good and see your children flourish as a result. I can't wait for you to have that. Take care and we'll chat soon.