The Therapy Edit - On 5 things to let go of in 2024

Episode Date: January 1, 2024

Happy New Year! This episode is published on the 1st January 2024 and Anna welcome listeners to a brand new year by offering them 5 things to let go of in 2024.We hope it helps you start the year knowing your worth and setting yourself up for a great and happy year.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hello, happy new year, I guess. First of Jan 2024. I mean, happy new year. There'll be people here that are just like, Anna, another year. Goodness me. And maybe you don't feel like there's a fresh stuff. Maybe you feel like you're right in the thick of it and there is no starting. There is just continuing on in survival made. Perhaps you're wondering how you're going to do the next year. Perhaps you are excited to leave 23 behind. Now, I have got five things as you look towards next year.

I'm not adding to any kind of list of resolutions. I've got other words on that. And I just want to share five things that I would love you to let go of for 2024. And if, I mean, let go off is a big one because actually there's a process in all of these things, as you all find out there, you know, I'm going to give you tips for each of them. But some of these are, you know, it's not just a one day thing. These are things to work on over the year and years ahead. But they will make things lighter for you.

so the first thing that I would love you to think about loosening your grip on is perfectionism and this might you know if you've got goals already and they are big goals it's my challenge challenge that but perfectionism that need to do everything well all the time the need to do things to a certain standard the need to not fail the need to just be excellent I struggle with this myself. So it's something I've had to work on and how might we challenge perfectionism in a little way for you as you step into this next year so that we can lighten the load a little bit. So we talk about good enoughness, don't we? But one of the ways that I love really putting this into practice is to cut corners. And, you know, the perfectionist in me

has found this really hard over the years, but these days I just embrace it, which really shows that by challenging these things over time, you get to a place where they do become a little bit easier. Corner cutting. How can you cut a corner? What just feels like it's too much? Where can you cut a corner? Where can you release some of the burden? Where can you just go for good enoughness? It can feel squirmie if you're a perfectionist that can really, really challenge that perfectionistic narrative. But do you know what? By challenging the narrative, this is where we're going to realize that actually down the line. The world is okay. You still manage to maintain your friendships. You still manage to keep up a job. You still manage to do good enough parenting. But what lessons

is the guilt, the shame, the self-criticism, that inner bullying, which I'm going to touch on in a moment. How can you start recognizing when you aren't aiming for perfect? And a way of doing that is just noticing when that self-criticism creeps in. Oh, I'm a failure as a parent. I am not good enough. I am rubbish. My kids deserve more. There is your little flag that pops up and says, are you potentially aiming for perfect here? Is there a margin for humanness? Is there a margin for tiredness? Is there a margin for trying and failing? Because that is how it goes as a human. Look at where you're aiming for perfectionism this year. And just ask yourself, am I taking into account with humanness and just start noticing that just start noticing that and thinking how

might I cut a corner even if it feels squirmy and uncomfortable for me I remember the big game changer being hosting hosting people family especially family because my mother-in-law is such a good cook and feeding the pressure of I have to just do this amazing food and actually really challenged that one year just had a baby and I ended up getting ready-made cooked food for everyone and the world didn't end and everyone was fine and it just really cemented that in me that you know we need to cut corners something to preserve something of ourselves we need to cut corners sometimes to preserve something of ourselves how can you address that exhaustion perhaps or just that load by cutting a corner to gift yourself number two is guilt I would love for you to shed

unjustified guilt now I talk loads about guilt is in pretty much all my books techniques on guilt because when we don't address guilt, we can shame and criticise ourselves and it feeds into that feeling of not being good enough. Actually, we're just trying our best. So how can you let go of unjustified guilt? You know what? Guilt, sometimes it's justified. Sometimes the guilt is there because we have actually done something wrong. We should have done it better. When I shout and my kids and I feel guilt, I use that as a little prompt because I do want to do better than that. So I'm thinking, right, I'm done in. What do I need? I need some space because I clearly have no margin and no way of just containing and, yeah, navigating my own emotions.

So I'm going to get some space. So I like to see guilt as a way to prompt us to get a little bit more of what we need, whether that's resources or just time or space or a deep breath, whatever it may be. And once we've addressed guilt, once we've let it prompt us, we can put it down. We don't need to carry it around. So what guilt might you be carrying around? this year into 2024 that it's actually a just there to prompt you so act on it and then let it go or it's actually not justified and you haven't done anything wrong in that have you done anything wrong in that thing that you feel guilty about if not that guilt isn't yours to carry it might just be a narrative that you've walked to that you should feel guilty well actually you've

done nothing wrong so I encourage you to challenge yourself when you notice that guilt rise up just to place it down, literally imagine placing it down saying, you know what, I didn't do anything wrong. I'm not going to, I'm not going to beat myself up for that. Number three is that inner bullying. I would love for you to shed or to start loosening your grip on that inner bully. That inner bully that just jumps in and we do something and it jumps into criticise and finger point and just drive us into lower self-esteem and guilt and shame. I would just want you to start acknowledging it. It's not. that simple as just saying, I'm not listening to that anymore because we know it runs deep,

it runs loud, but just start noticing it, just start challenging it, just start introducing another narrative. You're a failure. You know what? I failed at that. Yeah, you failed at that, but you tried your best. Let's try again. Let's try something different. Let's try doing it a different way. You know, when we address our inability, it doesn't mean that we're just letting ourselves get away with everything and it's fine and we're just going to drop our standards and you know, we're just, everything's going to go to part. No, it just means that you accept your humanness and that you're trying your best and sometimes you're not trying your best and that's human too and how might you resource yourself. So just start noticing

that in a bully. Start noticing, I want it not to be enough for you to go into another year bullying yourself if that is what is happening. Because you know what? Often we justify this and we think, yeah, but I'm just on myself. I'm on myself. I run a tight ship. I run a tight ship. I'm just making sure that I've got high standards and that I'm doing well. Yeah, but how is it going for you? On the external? Probably. Bullying yourself, you know, when we're scared, when we're, when we feel told off, even internally, we're more likely to do things, but actually at what cost? You can have a teacher that shouts and the kids will do well out of fear. And you can have a teacher that nurtures and listens to what the kids need and takes time to correct and

teach and they can get good results too it's just that the bullying the shouting it's not nice it drives our self-esteem down so when you notice that you're bullying yourself when you notice that critical internal dialogue coming up just think what would you say to a friend let's start shedding that let's start letting go of that in a bully it's not served you it's not served you let's try a different way. Number four is self-sufficiency. I would love you to start shedding slowly self-sufficiency. It's not that suddenly we need to be dependent on everyone else to do everything for us or we can't process an emotion without talking about it. Self-sufficiency is this whole don't worry, I've got this. I'm fine. I've got this. It's all good. I'm going to do a good job.

It doesn't matter what the cost is behind the scenes. It can be a really deeply set one. We can learn that actually we need to meet our own needs. We can learn that actually, we need to meet our own needs. We can learn that actually just because we can do it better and faster and our way may feel like it's the best way that we need to do it all the time. Challenge this. Challenge this because it's exhausting. Yes, you're probably doing great. Yes, you're probably doing a lot. But at what cost, if you notice that you're, I've got this, I'll do it, don't worry, is actually exhausting you, finding you feeling a bit resentful, burnt out. What might it be like to start this year, delegating things out of it.

Even if someone doesn't do it as well, as fast, or in the same way, it's not you that's doing it. You're earning something back. And in time, we just begin to feel a little bit more relaxed about this. And yeah, at the beginning, it can feel like a real tussle with ourselves. We want to grab on and hold onto these things. What would it be like in that self-sufficiency if I've got this to actually just be a little bit more open with someone who cares about you?

You know, they might not be able to fix what's going on for you or help. but actually they can stand with you as you grapple with it. And that's certainly something. And finally, number five, as you looked, it was 2024 on this New Year's Day or whenever you listen to it. I mean, if you listen to it on New Year's, thank you. You are a wonderful, devoted listener. And it's great to chat with you on this day.

But I would love you to think about number five, something you're going to shed this year is totally living for others. If this is what you do, if you're constantly spending yourself, facilitating fun for other people, facilitating life, I do a heck of a lot of that. But I also want you to think that this is your life too. As you look towards 2024, I want you to think, what can I claim for myself? This is my year two. This is my new year. This is my weekend. This is my Friday too. This is my holiday too. I want you to put yourself back in the picture where you might have otherwise been an on looker, what might it be like to claim a little bit more of this year for yourself?

Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you have enjoyed it, don't forget to subscribe and review for me. Also, if you need any resources at all, I have lots of videos and courses on everything from health anxiety to driving anxiety and people pleasing nail all on my website, anamatha.com. And also, don't forget my brand new book Raising a Happier Mother is out now for you to enjoy and benefit from. It's all about how to find balance, feel good and see your children flourish as a result. Speak to you soon.