The Therapy Edit - On 5 tips for anxiety

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

We all experience anxiety to some extent. In fact, it's an inbuilt mechanism that's there to save our lives! But how can we take control of the thoughts that try so hard to take control of us?

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hello and welcome to episode 12 of The Therapy Edit. Today I'm giving you five things as a way to reframe anxiety. Regardless of how your worry and anxiety manifest, I'm hoping that these tips will really help you. So my first tip going straight into it is to understand what anxiety is because I know this sounds strange. Anxiety, we often associate it with negative feelings, don't we? But in and of itself, anxiety is not a bad thing. It's actually a nervous system response. It's a mechanism that is

there to save your life. It leaps into action when we perceive threat. And, you know, actually, There was this one time where my mother-in-law saved my life due to this very same mechanism. We were crossing a road and she literally, her arm flew forward and pushed me back. And I didn't realize that a bus was coming from a different direction than I was expecting. And it was that very same mechanism that she would have seen a threat and her body in her nervous system would have filled her with this adrenaline, with this ability to act quickly, physically. However, it's an issue, the issue for us when we experience anxiety is that we are experiencing this fear response at a time we don't need it activated.

You know, I think about a caveman. Imagine there's a caveman, he's in his cave with his family, they're eating dinner, and then suddenly he hears the roar of a bear. And what happens in that moment is that his whole body is, is point. to respond and he will either fight or he will gather his family and flee and he's filled with adrenaline he's filled with the agency to kind of move forward really quickly and maybe even attack this bear whatever it whatever happens is his body is responding to a perceived threat often what we are perceiving as threatening especially when we struggle with anxiety is

they are thoughts they are fears of the future that haven't yet happened and these things activate this fear response and give us this sense of anxiety in our bosy and we might even have a panic attack. So this stress response is not one that we need activated as much as we might find that we have. So by working with our thoughts, we're actually able to switch this off. So my second tip is so underestimated. It's like a secret superpower. It's a free tool that we all have access to. And by using the breath, we can help this nervous system response turn off. We can reassure ourselves that all is okay. It's a way of calming down that stress response.

And when we do this, when we calm down that physiological response, we are then able to access those more rational thoughts. Because we know that when we get into that whirlwind state, it is incredibly hard to access rational thoughts. It's like it's harder to stop a runaway train the further it goes down the track. But by using the breath, we can slow that down. So the important thing is to make sure that the out breath, the exhale is more extended than the in-breath. You can breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth.

You can do both through your nose, whatever is comfortable for you. Try doing a breath in for four and out for six. and you might find that in time you want to extend that out breath, you might find that you want to add a little hold between there. It's completely up to you, but it's important that you don't get lightheaded and it's important that you find a grounding breath that helps calm that breathing down because that's often what happens, isn't it? It's our breathing rate increases.

Sometimes we find that we're even holding our breath. So it just encourages our body to re-instill that sense of calm. It's called the rest and digest state, actually. We know the fight or flight. So when we calm our nervous system response, it's about accessing that rest or digest. My next tip is to stop overthinking. I think often we try and overthink as a way of getting a sense of control that if we go ahead into the future and we think of all of the worst case scenarios, somehow we will be more prepared should it happen. but we do know, another part of us does know that actually all that happens is it just

brings stress and fear into our present moment. So to stop this spiral of overthinking when you notice yourself playing that what if, what if, what if game, count backwards from a hundred in threes. That's my favourite because I'm really bad at math. So I struggle with that when you cannot count backwards from a hundred and threes and be thinking of all of these potential scenarios at the same time. If you're overthinking about something that is going to happen, something that you do have elements of control over, then make a plan and leave it. Make a plan, make a plan.

If, say, for example, you're at the end of pregnancy and you need, you're overthinking about all the potentials with childcare for your other children, should you have to rush to hospital in the night, make a plan, make a plan and then leave it. So often it's easy just to delve back into this plan and extend it and expand it like some kind of sprawling tree of what ifs. But make a plan, tuck it away and leave it. Another tip is to find a mantra. I love mantras. They are the little sentences to grab when you need grounding.

And I've got many that I call upon my one through this time of lockdown. We're still in lockdown as I speak to you in this moment. And as I record, my favorite mantra has been, I'll cross that bridge if I get to it. It's just that reminder that I have crossed many bridges before and I will somehow find the resources or the support should I need to cross another bridge. Another mantra you might like is it's hard because it's hard. You're just that affirming, you know, the emotional affirmation of I'm finding it really hard and I'm telling myself that I shouldn't. But actually, it's hard because it's hard. Sometimes I find it really helpful to remind myself that now is the only thing that's real.

In this moment, this is where I can put my energy and invest myself in instead of into the future of all the things that may or may not happen. My other favorite is gratitude, bringing in gratitude. You know, I've done a whole podcast on this before that you might find it really helpful to go back and listen to if you want to delve into this a little bit. more. But gratitude doesn't devalue the very valid feelings that we feel when we're anxious. It just brings perspective. So when you are feeling fearful, gratitude takes the focus from what could go wrong to what is already going right. I like to use the switch up between I get to from I've got to because to me that brings a sense of gratitude when I'm finding something really frustrating. But bringing in gratitude for me is like turning on a little light in the dark

room. It just brings in some colour. It brings in colour into darkness. My final tip is just again, I've said this before, but it's so important with anxiety to trust feelings will come and go, to just let them be, let them come and go, let them come in waves. We make feelings so much bigger when we focus on them. And I like to think of being in the boat on the waves and not in the water. So when you have a feeling, just be in the boat on the wave of that feeling. Just ride the wave of that feeling. Sometimes it's so tempting and I find it really tempting.

Say I'm feeling anxious. Instead of just thinking, oh, I feel a bit heightened and a bit overaware at the moment and a bit anxious. I start thinking, oh, what am I feeling anxious about? Oh, I'm feeling anxious about this. Oh, well, what if, what if, what if? in the hopes of getting some sense of grounding in control. But the real way that we can find a sense of grounding in control

is by just not immersing ourselves in that feeling. So be in the boat on the waves and don't swim around in the water. There is so much freedom that can be gained in anxiety. And that's, to be honest, that's why it's one of my favorite things to work in because I know that there is so much improvement to be found, especially if anxiety is keeping you awake if it's affecting the decisions that you make and the relationships that you are able to enjoy

please please explore getting support for it don't forget my anxiety course there is so much more in there than I'm able to say in this short session so hopefully that's helpful but again just a reminder it might be common but it doesn't need to be your normal there is so much for you than living a life that is tinged and impacted by fear.

Thank you for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you enjoyed it, please do share, subscribe and review. You can find more from me on Instagram and Anna Martha. You might like to check out my two books called Mind Over Mother and Know Your Welf. I'm also the founder of the Mother Mind Way, a platform full of guides, resources and a community with the sole focus on supporting mother's mental and emotional well-being. It's been lovely chatting with you. Speak soon.