The Therapy Edit - On 5 tips for calmer mornings

Episode Date: October 30, 2023

In this Monday solo episode of The Therapy Edit, Anna offers listeners and fellow parents and carers 5 tips to help the mornings feel a little bit calmer. If you find mornings stressful your'e not alone! They can be a lot when you have a family to get out the door! So, we really hope you love this listen.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hello, Bear. I hope you are okay as you tune into this solo episode today. I've just got you for 10 minutes and I'm going to share with you five ways to help make mornings a little bit calmer. Now this episode is actually an answer to a question that I received. from a lovely listener, and she said, I'd love to know any ideas about making the before school morning karma because no matter how early I start the day or how much I've already done, it always ends up with a stressful exit from the house,

which then leads into the rest of my day. Do you want mornings in our house are a lot? Sometimes we have a lot of feelings, a lot of emotions, a lot of having to ask over and over and over again to do the same things. and it could be incredibly stressful. And there are definitely days in which I just sit in the car park, in the car, in the choir afterwards, just trying to decompress. Maybe that should be the six thing is when it all goes to pot, just give yourself a moment

to breathe after doing nursery drop-offs or whatever it is that you're doing next. Just find a way to pause. I find a quick 10-minute walk around where I live can also just just have. help me decompress. So when it does all go to part, which it often does in our household, then just can you do anything, even if it's just some deep breaths in the car for a moment, maybe you give your younger, put some music on for your younger child if you've got a younger child with you, just to help calm your nervous system. Those deep breaths are so good for our nervous system. Don't overlook them. So here are five things that help in our household.

and absolutely caveatting that it can still feel a lot. And yeah, so but these are these are some things that help. Number one, adopt the mantra, does it matter? Does it matter? So often I find myself stressing about things that when I actually think about it, don't really matter if we're five minutes late because someone has had a meltdown or an unscheduled bowel movement, just literally as we're leaving the house and someone needs a toilet

and suddenly, you know, everyone's climbing out the car and you're having to almost go through the motions again to shoehorn everyone back in or if my daughter is hell bent on wearing a certain pair of tights that are against, you know, they're not part of the uniform or they're still marginally damp because they're her favorite ones. You know, does it matter? Sometimes it's a case of just really picking your battles. And I remember actually taking the kids in so late to school one day that I had to fill in a book. to say why we were late because they'd shut all the gates and we couldn't go through the gates.

And I think historically I would have just been so stressed. So just felt so much guilt, just being really worried about that that kind of like young child in us that feels like we're about to be in trouble. But these days I just try and whisper to myself, does it really matter? Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things? If we're a few minutes late with all the best intentions. It is intense. And we can do many things to try and be organized, but ultimately our kids are their own little people with their own feelings and their own moods and maybe they work up on the wrong side of the bed or you woke up on the wrong side of the bed or you're exhausted. Sometimes it just, you know what? Just pick your battles. Remind yourself, it's okay. It's

okay. And I think I wrote in the book, the reason for being late, I was just like chaos, tears. It's just, it is how it is. If my son is insistent that he sets up an entire new eating station at the other side of the kitchen and I'm insistent that he sits down with his siblings, actually, does it matter? Does it matter? Number two, all those practical things, implement some practical things, some things that help us are writing a list or creating a visual list of what your children need to do each day to what they need for their P-K or or any school trips, just writing a list, having a visual list, either for your reference

or theirs or both, my older boys, they can look at the list and look at that day and check they've got everything that they need. And you know what? If they don't and they have to wear the different pair of trainers or does it matter really in the grand scheme of things, another thing that we do is keep the toothbrushes downstairs because then it just keeps everyone in the same place, brushing teeth in the kitchen. I found that just a really simple but helpful tweak. You might like to keep some boxes in, and I keep three boxes under the sink. We've got a box for hair stuff, a box for vitamins, and then a pot for teeth brushes. And I get them all out. And when we've worked through them, I've put them all back in, but it ensures that everyone has their,

we call them the getting ready jobs done. And then if there's any time left over, that's when the TV goes on. Sometimes they get 20 minutes. Sometimes just two. too and sometimes absolutely nothing, but it makes it more of a collaborative effort because they have that little moment before we all get into the car. So think about some of those practical things that you can do and implement to kind of add a bit more predictability, add a bit more kind of ticking off,

and maybe even if your kids are old enough, giving them some autonomy so that they can take control. But yeah, undoubtedly in our house, they're still asking a million times to put shoes on and that's really annoying. I think one day my son wouldn't come down for breakfast, so I actually ended up putting his toast in a little Tupperware and taking it into the car

because it was much easier to do that than it was to keep shouting out the stairs and getting stressed. So number three, think about your future self. How can you make it easier for tomorrow you? Packed lunches before you go to bed or fill water bottles in the evening. When you have a couple of minutes, do something for the version of you, tomorrow morning, who will likely be undoubtedly a little bit stressed or rushed.

So when you've got a little bit of time or energy, how can you do something to take some of the pressure of that pinch point of the day that is always a bit chaotic? Number four, get ahead of the day. Now, in our house, we use grow clocks. So Florence has one of those clocks. my daughter, that goes yellow when it's 7 a.m. And the boys have clocks because they just know, they can see the, you know, they can just tell the digital time.

I know this is really age dependent, but we have this general rule, and I use inverted commas, that it's bedroom time or it's rest time until 7 a.m. They can play quietly, but our day starts at 7 a.m. For some people, this is going to be all over the shop. It might be earlier because of your schedule and getting to work and school and nursery and all of this. But having a set time that your day starts, they can play quietly, but our day starts at 7. Now, this obviously happens to varying degrees of success. Do not get to me wrong.

We can have fights or tears well before then sometimes. But having something consistent that often works as a rule, it tends to work more often than not. at least even if they're up, I can be having a shower or I can do some, you know, journey or whatever it is that I want to do. And then we kick into action. My husband and I often set our alarms kind of 545, 6 and we have an hour to get up, move, workout, journal, shower before the kids get up. And the days that I don't do that, they're definitely much more of a rush. So think about how can you get ahead of the day. And it may well mean getting an earlier night, that's something that we've had to be more disciplined with, getting a bit

of an earlier night in order to kind of accommodate for an earlier morning. So I think often that's what doesn't happen, does it? Because we really want to claim that time in the evening as our quiet time, our adult time, our time to eat dinner or get stuff done and tick some stuff off the list, whatever it is that you do with that time, it can be really hard to be disciplined to go to bed early. But your body needs it. And it means that perhaps you can get ahead of the day a little bit more and not feel like you're just falling into it. Because that's what I can feel when I don't do that.

I'm just, you know, we hit the ground running from the off. And it is quite, quite a lot, isn't it? It's quite a lot to just have to launch into the day. And yeah, what can you do for yourself before the chaos starts? And number five, breathe now. This is like the mornings are such a pinch point of the day, aren't they? as everyone gets ready. But there will be a little more breathing space later on.

But within the busyness of it all, breathe deeply into your abdomen and exhale fully because this really calms your stress response and helps you regulate your emotions and your body because undoubtedly you're going to be doing a lot of regulating and trying to help calm and trying to help shuffle along with the kids or your child. So how can you actually implement this,

just this awareness of when are you breathing really? really high into your chest. When is you breathing quite fast and shallow? When are you not just really taking those deep breaths that tell your body that you're safe? Because when we're tearing around, ultimately, we're in that stress mode and we're far more likely to just feel overwhelmed and to act in a way or shout that we, you know, in a way that we don't really feel proud of on reflection. So breathe.

And I feel like this is such a cliche thing to say, but really, it can be incredibly powerful when you start to implement it. So there we go, five little ways to help make the morning that little bit calmer. Obviously, there are many things outside of our control and it often is just a little bit stressful. But even when it all goes to pot, how can you just give yourself a moment after when things are a little bit calmer just to decompress? And yeah, hope that's helpful.

Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you have enjoyed it, don't forget to subscribe and review for me. Also, if you need any resources at all, I have lots of videos and courses on everything from health anxiety to driving anxiety and people pleasing nail all on my website, anamatha.com. And also, don't forget my brand new book, Raising a Happier Mother is out now for you to enjoy and benefit from. It's all about how to find balance, feel good, and see your children fly. flourish as a result. Speak to you soon.