The Therapy Edit - On 5 ways to get rest when you can't

Episode Date: December 13, 2021

Rest is the antidote to overwhelm and stress. But how on earth can we get more of it when we're struggling with the juggle, or nights are broken by kids waking? I've got some ideas!

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hi everyone. So today I thought I would do one of my five things podcasts. So today's episode is five ways to get rest when you can't. Now we know that rest is. We know that rest is the antidote for that burnt out and overwhelmed feeling. It gives us more patience. It enables us to respond to things out of intention rather than that kind of knee-jerk reaction. Rest is preparation for those curveballs. Those curveballs that often we don't even know are ahead in our path. Resting gives us strength and headspace to, yeah, to face them.

I guess. And rest is also recovery from the challenges that we've been through in our year, our weeks, our days, the last hour. It enables us to kind of regroup and reset. But the challenges that rest is often the thing that gets edged out, isn't it? As things get busy, rest, that sitting down, that being restful, whatever rest looks like for you. That's the thing that so often gets edged out. Now, I'm often recommending rest. I mean, isn't everyone, if you go to the doctor and you're feeling run down, they'll say, oh, you need to rest. And it can, it can feel laughable. And the number of times I've said, we need more rest. I've heard even my own voice inside my head going, oh my gosh, like how? Do you have not seen my diary? Have you not

seen my kids have you not seen how busy my life is we will always find a reason not to be able to rest and many of those are incredibly valid as we live fuller and faster lives than ever before but i want to give you five ways to get rest when you can't when the diary says no when the day says no when you know that you need it but it just doesn't seem within reach within grasp So number one is to find ways to get less overstimulation. I don't know about you, but when I need space, when I want to zone out, when I want to escape what's going on in front of me just for a minute to get some respite, often what I'll do is I'll turn to my phone.

Now, I also find it very hard not to go on my phone in the evening. I might read a book on my phone perhaps before bed but it's also tempting to read the news to read the messages to flick through social media and actually our brains have to process all of that so even if we feel like we're mindlessly scrolling through we're still taking in information we're reading headlines we're seeing photos

we're perhaps battling with a bit of comparison we're consuming and when we consume stuff our brains then need to process it so often when I'm reaching for that scroll or just reading a load of news articles as a way of kind of escaping or resetting I'm basically adding another heap of stuff to process so I don't only need to process the stuff that's going on in my life that's full on in that moment I'm then adding a whole another load of images and, you know, headlines and even just engaging in different areas of my social life. Our brains, somewhere in our brains, we then need to process that stimulation, that information. It might require emotional energy. It might require mental energy or we need

to file it away somehow. You know what I mean? So how can you just become a little bit more aware when you're feeling tired. Perhaps you're feeling overwhelmed. Perhaps you're feeling the burnout. Just start to notice what are you taking in? Even just visually, what are you exposing yourself to that your brain is then having to spend more mental and emotional energy on processing? It all adds up. Little micro-stresses. You know, what notifications are constantly going off that perhaps you can mute for a little bit. Just becoming a aware of that additional noise, be it audio noise, be it visual noise, what if that noise might you be able to just shut off temporarily? Just for now, not forever, just for now. Now, number two

is trying to do a little bit less. Now, there is always stuff to do and a lot of the stuff we have to do has to get done. But often when I'm working with people who are feeling overwhelmed and burn out or just tired and finding, just desperate to find ways to get a little bit more downtime at a little bit more space. Often when I'm coaching mums and I ask them what they need, really high up the to-do list is space, it's slowness, it's rest. So in a busy life with a lot of things on the to-do list that need to be there, how can we get more rest? I'd recommend that you look at that to-do list. What can you delegate? What corners can you cut? what can be demoted for another day, another hour, another week when you will have benefited

from that rest and will have more resources? You know, it can feel really hard, especially if you're high up there on the perfectionist end of things like me. It can be hard to let things go or to accept that actually you need a lower standard on this or that, that it's done is better than perfect but sometimes it's important because then you benefit on the energy that you can recoup from that you're buying yourself a little bit of something when you adjust a standard you delegate or you cut a corner and again not forever just for now number three is to offload now this is kind of the verbal letting go of the steam all of those feelings that we swallow down those thoughts that that processing. When we absorb stuff from our kids, when we are trying to be calm and patient,

we are often then having to absorb and swallow down our human response, that stress response. Now when we absorb stuff, that stuff needs to be released somehow. Now I know that when I'm not releasing that stuff, and for me that might be, you know, a really dynamic stroll through the it might be a rant to a friend it might be a workout i'm releasing some of that emotional energy it's because feelings it's energy and when it just gets pent up it will come out sideways and if i don't release it i am more snappy i'm more irritable i'm more likely to shout engaging in those things that cause that bit of collateral damage that we then feel guilty or shameful about so know that when you are absorbing, carrying emotional weight is draining. It is. It takes energy. It takes

physical energy to swallow these things down. So how can you release some of that energy? Talking it through with a friend, going on a stomp, breathing, ranting, working out, doing something physical, perhaps, writing, journaling, scribbling. How can you release it? so number four boundaries around what you do and how long for there are many things that we have to do that take up energy they take up emotional mental physical energy how can you limit those things it might be an event that you're going to or something you know an invitation that you've accepted you know how can you potentially put a boundary around that so you're not there as long so you're saving a little bit something back for yourself. You need something of yourself for yourself.

It might be that you're hosting or you've got friends around and normally you might do a play date and then you do tea for the kids. But placing a boundary of actually, you know what, I'm shattered. Let's do the playday and then let's divide, you know, for tea. I'm not doing tea tonight. So how can you place boundaries around what you do need to do so that perhaps it doesn't go on for as long or it doesn't require quite as much energy again not forever just for now and finally slow down because when we multitask as we so often do and there are moments I am going up the stairs and I've done about 10 things on the way and it feels so efficient but actually the reality of it is is that we're using so much more brain power and energy when we constantly pivot from moment to moment from job to

email to cooking the tea to adding something to the shot to replying to a message. Every time we do that, every time we divert our attention, it takes energy. So how can you remind yourself just to slow down? Yeah, we have to juggle, but so often I'm running fast, I'm rushing through things that actually I do not need to walk that fast right now. I do not need to rush this thing right now. Later on, probably will have to rush. But why can't I save some of the energy, the brain energy and the physical energy in this moment where I do not have to rush? How can I slow down in the things that I can afford to slow down in so that I am being restful in my busyness? I'm doing what need to do, but I'm keeping something of myself for when I might need it later. So there are

some creative ways to rest that perhaps you weren't expecting. Not quite the same as the nap or the early night and the, you know, the uninterrupted night's sleep that you might be craving. But all of these things really do add up. Thank you for listening to today's episode of the therapy edit. If you enjoyed it, please do share, subscribe and review. You can find more from me on Instagram at Anna Martha. You might like to check out my two books called Mind Over Mother and Know Your Welfth. I'm also the founder of the Mother Mind Way, a platform full of guides, resources and a community with the sole focus on supporting mother's mental and emotional wellbeing. It's been lovely chatting with you. Speak soon.

Thank you.