The Therapy Edit - On 5 ways to get space for yourself when you can't

Episode Date: June 6, 2022

In this episode of The Therapy Edit Anna ponders practical ways to help you create space around yourself when you can't physically step away from your children.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hi there. I hope you're okay today as you listen to this 10-minute episode. Today, it is a solo episode. You've just got me chatting away. And I want to share with you five ways to get some space. when you can't. I'm talking about those moments where you just need to step away. Perhaps you want some physical space. Perhaps you just need to take a breather, but actually you can't. I shared on my Instagram the other day how I could cope in those moments where I couldn't escape the house, but I needed to take a breather to compose myself a little bit. And I stepped into the bathroom and I

said it's better to breathe in the bathroom and scream in the kitchen or sometimes in my case, it's better to scream in the bathroom than scream at the kids in the kitchen. And I got some replies saying, sometimes I can't actually physically step away. Perhaps my child is too young or perhaps they really struggle when I'm not in that room. And I thought, wouldn't it be really useful to have some small tips to help give you a sense of space in that moment? Even when you can't physically, perhaps you can't physically leave the room, perhaps it's, when you're in a car on a long journey and you are just feeling claustrophobic with the chaos and the noise or you're finding it hard to respond you know that way that we want to be the way that we feel we would like to respond when things are hard and so often when we're feeling depleted and when we're in a stress response we're far more likely to react you know we have less of a handle on how it comes out of us so when we're feeling like that here are fine things that I think and that I do because they're helpful in some way. So my number one is to

literally dial down the moving and the speaking because when things are stressful, you know, so often we have this this extra energy inside of us, don't we? And we can just feel full of adrenaline and cortisol. So even if you can't move away from that noise or whatever it might be, that is causing you stress and these things can work in a workplace as well these things can work when if you're on a commute into work and you're just feeling like you need some space so how can you physically slow down so when you're feeling frenetic how can you literally lessen the amount that you're moving it might just be that you're instead of pacing around the kitchen or pacing around wherever you are it might just be actually consciously slowing that moving that moving

movement down. And also the other thing I often do is when it's stressful with the kids, I talk a lot. I'm just desperately trying to get a handle on it. But actually, what if you just really pulled back on how much you were speaking? What if you just spoke the few words that you needed to in that moment so you can preserve and reserve something of yourself so that you can help gather yourself even when you can't get space. Number two, if you're at home in the car, I do this in the car a lot, actually, I open a window to connect myself to the outside world

when things are feeling really loud and the noise and the movement and the space itself can take up a sense of space. Noise can take up space. So how might you connect yourself to the outside, remind yourself that there is calm out there, so that you can pull a little bit in, you can internalize it a little bit.

So something I do, and I do this in the car, is open the driver's window. Just so I can feel that rush of air, I find it really grounding. And it might be that you can open a window in a room just to feel that cool air coming, even if it's a cold day outside, just to ground you a little bit,

to give you that sense of there is more outside of this room or this car. I find that really, really helpful. Number three, is to hum is to hum and slow breathe because when we are in that stressed response we are in our body is really responding our body is riled up often you've got that feeling of that heightened feeling of adrenaline and cortisol you might feel your heart rate increase how can you slow breathe how can you slow your breath down to tell your body that you are safe now humming literally humming is a way of activating that parasympathetic nervous system.

Just that vibration can feel, again, it's really good for your nervous system. It's really good for your, it's activating your vagus nerve, which is so much to do with, you know, instead of that fight or flight feeling that we often get in that moment,

in those moments of feeling claustrophobic or those moments of stress, humming. You can actually very powerfully calm your body, down. So whether you hum a song or whether you just sometimes I just go around the kitchen going because there is something about it. You can feel those vibrations. You might find it really surprisingly grounding. And again, it just tells your body that you are safe. It gives you a little bit more room potentially to be able to think so that you can respond instead of react. Another one I use

earplugs just literally to soften the noise because for many of us loud noise, especially if we can't step away from it, can really, really provoke that stress reaction. So there are earplugs that you can get that actually soften sound rather than block it out. So the ones that I use Karma by Flair Audio and I also use the looped ones and they're called the experience ones. So they soften noise. They soften the noise that you're intaking. So you're less likely to have that stress response to it. So I find those really helpful at giving me some kind of sense of space

even when I can't. And then the final thing I would love you to do is to imagine someone who cares about you, putting their hands on your shoulders and saying some grounding words or guiding you through. It's very much like the vision behind my new book, The Little Book of Calm for New Mums, was to provide some of those grounding words.

but in those moments where it feels stressful and you want space but you can't have it. Imagine someone there who cares about you, putting their hands on your shoulders and guiding you through or just affirming you or just reassuring you. So there are some thoughts. I hope you find them helpful. I think it's always good to have some in your toolbox, some little things to think actually I'm going to try that because as wonderful it is to be able to go out for a walk, or just step away, sometimes even into a different room.

I know that it is not always possible. So I'm hoping those things will be helpful in those moments that you need them. Take care. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you enjoyed it, please do share, subscribe and review. It really makes a massive difference as to how many people this podcast can help. You can find more from me on Instagram at Anna Martha. You might like to check out my books called My Dave and Mother and Know Your Worth

and my brand new book called The Little Book of Calm for New Mums, Grounding Words for the Highs, The Highs, the Lows and the Moments in between. It's a little book. You don't read it from front to back. You just dip in according to what emotion you're feeling, where you'll find a mantra, a short passage and a tip to help give you some comfort and guidance in that emotion. I'm also the founder of the Mother Mine Way. This is a platform packed with guides, resources and videos

with the sole focus on supporting mothers' mental health and emotional well-being. Have a good week.