The Therapy Edit - On 5 ways to navigate war anxiety

Episode Date: March 14, 2022

This topic was highly requested. The war in Ukraine is prompting feelings of anxiety, helplessness, fear and uncertainty. I share 5 thoughts to help you navigate the emotions that may arise at this time.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hello and welcome to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. So many people have messaged me about how to navigate the feelings that are coming up about the war that's going on in Ukraine. because I know it is bringing up and in you, in me, so many different feelings, feelings of fear, feelings of helplessness. For some, it will be stirring up trauma, feelings of anxiety, feelings of guilt around the different feelings we are feeling even,

guilt around how we are feeling sometimes happy in our lives, sometimes guilt around the fact that we might still find us focusing on worrying about the small things when we're aware that something so huge is going on. It's also bringing up that fear and that feeling around uncertainty. And I think ultimately it is scary. It is scary and it's scary because it is. It's scary because it is. It's one of those things that is going on that is throwing up so many emotions because it is horrendous. But how do we juggle the emotions that come then as we process what is happening in Ukraine?

How do we start to reconcile some of the good feelings that we have in our day to day to day lives without feeling guilty? And how do we care and worry about the situation, about the war, without it turning into full-blown anxiety? I have got five ways to navigate some of the feelings that you'll be having. Hopefully these things will help ground you, encourage you, bring a bit of clarity. And the first one I wanted to say was about care. You know, we care.

You care. Whatever that looks like for you, whatever that feels like for you, that care is rising up in us, isn't it? and it feels like concern, it's worry, it's wondering, it's holding that situation in your mind thinking about it. You know, care softens the heart, doesn't it? It softens our heart. And it also, I think the amazing thing about care is that it lights that fire within us. We want to do something. It's an active feeling, isn't it? We don't just sit there and care about something and then let it wash over us. We hold it in our minds. It lights a fire in us. It gives us an energy and a motivation. So what do we do with that? And I wrote this on a post the other day and it was about

how to let care move you to action, not anxiety. Because care can so easily move us to anxiety, can't it? You know, when we ruminate over it and we start expanding on the story, we start imagining we start rushing ahead to a future that has not. And God, we hope, will not happen. So how do we stop that care turning into anxiety? I'm going to touch on that in a minute. But I think in this point about care softening the heart whilst lighting a fire within it, how can you let that care move you to action? How can you let that fire that is started within you, that concern, that energy, that motivation, how can you let it move you to action? What can you do? Now, we see people doing all sorts of things, don't we? All sorts of incredible things.

People flying out there, people sending things, people making pledges to give financially, people giving time, giving, sharing skills, people, you know, petitioning, appealing for rules and laws to be changed, for homes to be opened up. If this fire in you is to move you to action instead of anxiety, what might it be moving you to do? And it might look different to what you're seeing. It might look different to what you're seeing on social media. It might look different to the way that friends around you are wanting to help, wanting to move. Is it financial? Is it giving time, perhaps it's sharing skills, perhaps it's listening to people that are sharing, just wanting to share their story and their fears and their feelings that are perhaps really

involved. Maybe you've got a friend that has a family member that is really, that they're really worried about in the Ukraine. How might you support them? Maybe it's praying. Maybe it's praying to your higher power that hearts will be changed, that things will change, that there will be hope how might you help in a way that is in line with your resources my second one is to limit news be careful where you go go to reputable sources it's so easy isn't it just to consume everything but how much you care isn't the sum of how many articles you devour or how many people you talk to about it or how many facts you can recall care is to care for yourself as well trauma triggers trauma There will be people watching and listening that are feeling, that are fearing, that are taken back to things that have happened to them, whether it is war-related, whether it is a time when they have felt utterly out of control and fearful.

So how can you care for yourself as you care for what's going on? Now this, again, will look different to everyone. Having healthy boundaries will look different to everyone. It might be that you switch off the news after a certain amount of time. It might be that you only go to one source once a day. It might be that you limit conversation a little bit when you feel like your care is moving to anxiety. What might those boundaries look like for you if you know that how much you care isn't the sum of how much you consume? Number three is to grapple with that uncertainty.

We find it so hard, don't we, to deal with the uncertainty. What's going to happen? I don't know. don't know. And that is so hard. And again, it is hard because it is hard. War is a stark reminder of how much in life is out of our control. You know, we love clinging on to that illusion that we have control, that we know what's going to happen next. And I think it just takes us back to that very core, one of the very core essences of being human in that ultimately we don't have the certainty that we would love to have.

You know, uncertainty can commonly find us feeling anxious, fearful, helpless, frustrated and stress. So can you draw your attention to things that are within the rounds of your control? And it goes back to that first point, really, doesn't it? About doing, you know, we can't deep breathe our way out of worrying about uncertainty and being aware of uncertainty because it is a really uncomfortable feeling. So how can you focus on what you can control? My favorite mantra is, and I use this so much through the pandemic, where there was so much uncertainty and it was, I will cross that bridge if I get to it.

And on the wider scale here, we can say we will cross that bridge if it comes to it, if we get to it. You know, I think when we feel uncertain, we want someone to tell us that it's okay and that it will all be okay and that everything will stop and no one will be. hurt and it's going to come to an end and but actually if only we could promise that to each other you know it's hard to say that and it's not right or authentic to say that when we don't know maybe it won't be okay maybe maybe it will go on for a while how can you address your stress response because when we're in that fight or flight mode when we're in that kind of down that

spiral of really focusing on that uncertainty when we're rushing ahead we're more likely to find ourselves in that fight or flight mode and when we're in that fight or flight mode we're less able to respond in a way that is helpful and healthy in the situation so how can you address that feeling of stress how can you maybe think about what is it that you need so that you can stay in that place of care and action rather than spiraling into that place and we all do of hopelessness and fear and anxiety. I actually did a whole podcast episode on this and it was called On Dealing with Uncertainty.

I did it in the pandemic on the 2nd of April 2020. So that might be one that you want to go to. Number four, when feeling anxious, remind yourself that you've done something. So this is around, you know, when you are in that anxiety, in that moment of anxiety. And I had one the other night and my daughter woke me up at 4 o'clock in the morning and I could not get back to sleep because,

I was just, the anxiety kicked in, thinking about, you know, the details of what's going on, thinking, like feeling just compassion and fear for the people involved. But the anxiety was the spiral, the, oh my goodness, what if, what if, what if? So when you're feeling that anxiety, you know, bring yourself back into the present. It is hard and it is scary and our minds have quite a creative way of rushing ahead into a future that hasn't yet happened. You know, worry motivates us. We can hold that care and that concern that moves us to action.

But anxiety, anxiety keeps us stuck and scared, doesn't it? So when you're feeling anxious, how can you ground yourself? How can you just bring yourself back into the moment? Remind yourself that perhaps you've done something or maybe you can do something tomorrow. Maybe you can find something to donate. Maybe it's financial. Maybe it's something in the linen closet. that you can send off, you know, remind yourself that you've done something or you're going

to do something and then bring yourself back into the present. If it's triggering trauma, please do seek support. I've also done to expand, I wish I could go into it all here, but there is another 10 minute episode called Five Tips for Anxiety. And that gives you some kind of just really tangible tips to help with those ways of anxiety that come. You know, that the fact that I lay awake, morning at 4 o'clock, it helped nobody. I'm far less able to offer support and act when exhausted and I'm also less able to navigate the concern and the fear that comes from my kids about this when they see things, when they hear things. So how can we halt those thoughts and give ourselves some grounding words? One of my favourite is to count back from 103s because I know

that that anxiety spiral is not serving me. I know that when I'm awake, I will be able to do something about it. I will be able to act. And, you know, that it gives us, it does give us that feeling of just productivity, which is a good feeling, isn't it? In a situation that can so easily feel helpless. Number five, my final thing is give yourself permission to feel the weight of empathy alongside the other feelings that are going on in your day. Alongside the gratitude, I don't know. I'm pretty sure that you like me have been feeling so. much more gratitude. Just watching my kids going down the road after school and just thinking, oh my gosh, almost tearful at the absolute privilege of that freedom. You know, let that

empathy move you to action and privilege move you to gratitude and holding out hope because there will be people in the world right now that are so scared and exhausted. They have not got the energy to hold that hope. So how can we hold that hope for them? And know that, you know, the privilege and the gratitude does not discredit or discount your concern. We can't spend our capacity for empathy on happiness. You know, if we are spending a moment in joy or happiness, that doesn't mean that we then have less energy for empathy. It doesn't work like that. And I love to remind myself of that sometimes, especially when guilt comes in for feeling happy sometimes and joyful when we,

We know, and we're holding an awareness that so much is going on in the world right now. Ride those waves of emotion. Note them and don't judge them. Say to yourself, in this moment, I feel fearful. In this moment, I feel angry. In this moment, I feel powerless. In this moment, I feel happy. When we tell ourselves that we shouldn't feel happiness, for example, right now we shame ourselves.

I remember when my sister had cancer and we were going through treatment and it was terrifying. There was still moments that we laughed. still joy. We still found ourselves sometimes caring and worrying about the little things even though it felt like the meaning of them had changed. You know, we are a huge ball of all different kinds of emotions and we can care deeply and also worry about small things and feel joy at other things. Moments of joy and happiness are not statements of lack of care. We have so many different feelings, don't we? So don't judge your feelings. You care. You care. You care. You Let that care and worry move you to action.

So there we go. I hope those things go some way to helping you navigate all of the feelings that are coming up. And if you are finding yourself completely consumed and fearful, please do seek support. Speak to someone who has historically been kind of supportive, a medical professional, if necessary, because you deserve more than to be totally consumed with anxiety. Take care. Thank you for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you enjoyed it, please do share, subscribe and review.

You can find more from me on Instagram at Anna Martha. You might like to check out my two books called Mind Over Mother and Know Your Welfth. I'm also the founder of the Mother Mind Way, a platform full of guides, resources and a community with the sole focus on supporting mother's mental and emotional well-being. It's been lovely chatting with you. Speak soon.