The Therapy Edit - On 5 ways to protect yourself from life's curveballs

Episode Date: September 25, 2023

In this episode of The Therapy Edit Anna shares 5 pieces of advice that really helped her navigate a recent curveball in her life. She reflects on how this learning undoubtedly left her better able to cope and offers listeners tips on how to be better prepared to navigate stormy seas if they come.We hope you find this episode comforting and as Anna explains do make use of her books if you are prone to anxiety.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hi and welcome to today's solo episode of the Therapy Edit. Today I have for you five ways to find happiness for future tough time. So this is almost about ways to. to kind of future-proof yourself for the tough times that lie ahead. I know that often we can feel so anxious about the things that are ahead, can't we? We can really kind of ruminate over the stuff that hasn't yet happened, might happen, may never happen, and it can occupy a lot of our minds.

But in truth, there will be curveballs. And as a family, we faced a massive curveball literally the days before the school, the schools broke up, the day before the schools broke up, we were flung into very immediate kind of grief and trauma. And it actually took weeks for me to feel like I was a functioning human being. But I might talk about that more another time. At that time, in my work life, I was promoting my book called Raising a Happy Mother. And I felt that it was this kind of cruel irony that I was promoting a book about a happier mother at a time that I'd never felt so low. And I was thinking, how the heck am I going to make it through this summer?

And then I realized that the journey that I was taking people on through the book, it was the journey that had kind of changed my life and my motherhood, has meant that actually this challenging season of my life may well have looked incredibly different without some of the lessons that I had learned along the way that I detailed within the book, it would have looked really, really different the careful grief time that we had if I hadn't learned to validate my emotions. It would have looked a lot lonelier and isolated if I had not recognized my deservedness for support and kindness over the last few years.

Now, in this episode, I'm not going to tell you how to protect yourself from carefuls and to stop them coming because wouldn't that be amazing? but there is so much within our realm of control and some of the things that happen in our lives are outside of that control. But I am going to tell you five ways in which you can help yourself now, things that you can implement in your daily life

that will improve your general well-being and how you feel. But also they will work to help you weather the storms ahead, whether you know what those storms are or whether you don't. Now, if you are someone who is even thinking about, oh my gosh, Anna, how can I think about the storms ahead? They literally occupy my mind all of these potential curveballs.

Now, I encourage you if you are feeling anxious, even thinking about challenging times ahead, that you honour yourself in addressing that anxiety and finding tools to help yourself. So obviously, within raising a happier mother, have a whole chapter on anxiety as that is something that can really rob us of happiness in motherhood but I've also got my book Mind Over Mother which is totally focused on addressing anxiety so that might be for you so whilst I can't tell you how to protect yourself

from life's curveballs I can tell you things that you can do in your day to day life that will soften them and support you when they come whilst also benefiting you now you know I would have felt so much heavier had I been leaning into my perfectionist tendencies, nudging up my standards, or had been swerving rest in the way that I used to instead of actually just embracing it and acknowledging that I needed to take it where I could.

This time would have felt much darker for me had I not learnt to recognise and grab moments of joy and gratitude with both hands when it was there for the taking. So yes, I've cried, but I've also felt so grateful for the big and the seemingly tiny things that I've put in place over the past years because these things really do change everything and it's at times like this when I recognize the absolute even more so the power of just challenging our mindset sometimes and resourcing ourselves where we need to and addressing people pleasing and perfectionism because these things change everything and they change us as well. So five ways to find happiness in future tough times or ways to weather those storms a little bit better.

Number one. Now this came out of a quote by Brunei Brown that I scrolled upon on Instagram and it said that the good news is that joy collected over time fuels resilience, ensuring will have reservoirs of emotional strength when hard things do happen. I found this so true. Practicing gratitude, embracing boredom, just even. Even the moments of boredom over the last few years, I felt, do you know what, these moments of boredom and mundane are incredible? Because it means that they are devoid of difficulty or trauma or grief. And those things are commonplace in our lives as humans. So if you find yourself feeling bored, if you find yourself feeling heavy, just turn to gratitude. Think about some of those things in your life that you're grateful for. Just ponder them for a moment. And if you find it hard to determine what those are, I've got loads of other podcast episodes on Gratitude, by the way.

Have a little scroll down the list and pick some more if this is something you want to dive further into. But just allow your mind to dwell on the good things that are going on in your life, even if it's just down to the hot cup of tea in your hand or the sunshine streaming through the window. Because this just welcomes that awareness of the good things. And I found that going through a really challenging time, I there was a time I was walking through the fruit farms tears in my eyes and I suddenly stopped and looked at the sunset and my mind was I was filled with this awe and wonder so even with the grief and the confusion of the time that we are journeying through there were these just moments where

it's like the light just as broken through the clouds and I'm sure that that is because I've been practicing gratitude so much over the last few years. so practice gratitude. Number two, practice openness and vulnerability, another big topic to dive into that I'm just going to touch on here. Deepen your network. Make sure that in your day-to-day life with friends and family members that there are at least two to three people who you go beyond the I'm okay with, taking risks of vulnerability because the more that you allow people into your life and often it's actually our emotional lives really isn't it that we um that we tend to keep you plows off then the easier you will find it to allow those people to support you when you hit

hard times because those connections will already be there the foundations will be built so being honest with those two to three people or more in your life it will benefit you now but really it pays dividends when challenging bumpy times come and you've got that network and the foundation are there to turn to. Number three, say yes when offers of kindness or support come your way, or even just a compliments. Now, I know it might feel squirmingly uncomfortable, but it's a practice and it's a muscle that gets strengthened. You might find it easier to give kindness and support, but relationships are a two-way street. And when tough times come, you need to be a little bit more comfortable when relationships don't feel as equally weighted as you might like or actually more

weighted towards you giving kindness and receiving kindness. Because when tough times come, my friendships have definitely been more about me than they might normally be. And I'm so grateful that that is a little bit more comfortable as over the years I've gotten better at just accepting kindness. It doesn't feel quite so uneasy. So challenge yourself to say yes when offers of kindness or support come your way. Number four, instill small, bite-sized habits. What habits can you integrate into your life that will stand through bumpy times?

Some of mine have been journaling, walking, stretching, going to bed at a good time, drinking enough water, these kind of foundational things that if we get them right and we really integrate them into our day-to-day lives, you know, when the big things get stripped away when you're focusing on just navigating bumpy times, you'll still have the smaller ones.

to hold on to, they'll be more integrated and easier to carry on. So make sure that those habits that keep you going are really strong and embedded. Number five is, I'm big on this one, validate your emotions. It's okay to feel conflicting emotions. It's okay to feel joy alongside grief, overwhelm, alongside gratitude. Start just observing how you feel. Instead of judging how you feel, Instead of judging how you feel, trust and learn how emotions move through you. You can feel so many things at once. Don't judge yourself for how you feel. Just acknowledge it and ask yourself what you need.

Because in tough times, you will have mixed emotions. Sometimes it's confusing and conflicting and that is okay. You're just having a human response to your circumstances. But if you can find ways to become more okay with that in your day-to-day life, then you'll be less judgmental and critical of yourself when you have all of these mixed emotions. So there we go. I've got loads more in the book to help support you

and really dive into these things. But my main take-home message is all of this stuff that you're doing and listening to these podcasts and the things that you're thinking about and the habits that you're trying to instill and the critical internal dialogue that you're challenging. you are doing these things not just for now, but you will benefit from them when life gets bumpy. So I hope you feel proud of yourself.

And yeah, please do turn to and dive into my book for a lot more depth on all of these different things. But it was just something that I noticed in that kind of what felt like a cruel irony promoting a book about Happy Motherhood when I was going through such a hard time. and actually how much I recognise the time that we have been journeying through would have been so different had I not learnt these things and been instilling them. So take care. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you have enjoyed it, don't forget to subscribe and review for me. Also, if you need any resources at all, I have lots of videos and courses on everything

from health anxiety to driving anxiety and people pleasing nail all. on my website anamatha.com. And also, don't forget my brand new book, Raising a Happier Mother is out now for you to enjoy and benefit from. It's all about how to find balance, feel good, and see your children flourish as a result. Speak to you soon.