The Therapy Edit - On a powerful technique for worry and anxiety

Episode Date: September 12, 2022

In this solo episode of The Therapy Edit Anna shares some ideas to help you ground runaway thoughts and emotions during moments of stress or anxiety.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hi, welcome to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. This one is just me chatting away and it is some of all those when I am recording this. So if you hear background noise, then that is why we have a full house at the moment. And I'm going to talk about a single line that I read, but funnily enough, I had written, but as I was editing this article, this line just jumped out at me and it hit me kind of afresh. And I'm just going to read it out to you. And then I thought we could explore it a little bit. So we're going to be talking about anxiety and worry. And that line that jumped out to me was, if comparison is the thief of joy, as we say, then anguish. Anxiety is the thief of peace and presence. And if I'm going to do this thing called life and motherhood only once,

I want all the peace and presence I can get my hands on. Do you ever think that, you know, we do this thing called life once and so much gets robbed, doesn't it, by fear and anxiety and worry about what might happen, what might go wrong, thinking into the future. you know, when our mind's rush ahead and we're filtering through all of these worst case scenarios and there are times when I could look like I am at peace and having a wonderful time when in reality my mind is rushing ahead or my mind is kind of knee deep in something, a story that I'm creating that is most likely terrifying or upsetting or harrowing or traumatic and that can be going on.

someone next to me, someone looking at me, might have absolutely no idea. Anxiety has robbed me of peace and presence so many times in my life. It might even be sleep. Anxiety has robbed me of nights of sleep, of hours of sleep. It has robbed me the ability to look at a moment and be in that moment and think, this is great, this is a privilege to experience the joy that is there for the taking. now think I can hold my children imagine that I am sat on the living room floor and one of my kids comes over and they want a hug so they sit in my lap and I hold them and in that moment you know

think about how you feel in those moments you you hold your child that swell of joy that oh my goodness what an absolute privilege this is to experience what a joy it is. is to have a hug, to have that connection with my child. And that can be that. It can be that moment that comes that gives you that sense of joy, that gives you that sense of just privilege being in that present moment with what is happening. And then there are also moments where that can turn for me. And this is where the fear and the anxiety and the worry just come crashing in. And then that moment of joy can turn into a moment of fear. I can be white knuckle gripping onto my kid thinking, oh my goodness, I love you and that is terrifying because so much can happen. There is so much

potential for heartbreak. There is so much potential for things to go rye for curveballs. and it might be that I'm holding that child on the floor. And instead of reveling in that moment of joy, in that present moment, the fear is in there, the anxiety, the desire to hold on so tightly because I'm so scared and I feel so vulnerable in that love. And then I'm not peaceful. I'm not present. I'm terrified.

I'm scared. I'm feeling vulnerable. my mind is rushing ahead to scenarios that have not and may never happen. So first of all, I think I just wanted us to become aware of how anxiety can rob us of peace and present and joy and rest and so many of the good things in life that we want and so often need more of. So start to notice the cost that it has. How, rumination, you know, that rumination that over, they're going over and over and over those scenarios, the one thought that pops into your mind that suddenly turns into this

cascade of a story that has you emotionally engaged and tears you away from that moment from what is happening. Start noticing when that's happening in. I want you to notice when that anxiety, that worry is creeping in. I want you to go gentle on yourself. What happens will happen. And I work with mums on so many different different manifestations of anxiety. And I remember one mum saying, because I talk quite a lot about a metaphobia, which is the fear of vomiting. And I work with lots of different mums on that journey of finding more headspace from it. And I remember one mom's saying, I had this whole load of fear about what might happen after we'd eaten this at, me and I had fears that it was out of date, had this whole load

of fear. And it completely distracted me on this holiday. And then nothing happened. But it might as well have happened because I'd lived through it so in such depth in my mind, I'd gone through all of those physical, though, that response to fear. And it just took me away. It took me away from where I was. And it was that acknowledgement that what happens will happen. But when we drag ourselves through that kind of in-depth rumination, that heartbreak, we just are likely then to travel through it twice because our body doesn't know what is real and what is imagined. So our bodies, when we're going through that in our mind, our bodies think it's happening.

It cannot take the risk not to respond. So start noticing when it happens. Go gently on yourself. Let yourself know that what will happen will happen regardless. of the rumination, I think we often feel that it gives us a sense of control, doesn't it? It gives us a sense of actually if I, if that thing was to happen, I would feel more prepared. But we know in reality that it's just, we just get exhausted and we feel all that, that's all those emotions twice. So the first thing to do is notice when it's creeping in, go gentle on

yourself, fine little mantra of, this is the one I'm enjoying at the moment, what happens, or happens know that rumination is a robbery of headspace of peace of presence of joy of all the things we want more of then my tip is to then speak a sentence of truth this is so simple it's just simply to speak a sentence of truth to speak out what is happening in that present moment because our minds have gone off we've got that white knuckle grip so sat on the floor hugging my daughter i might say to myself, I am Anna and I am giving my daughter a hug on the living room floor. Almost like, you know, on a film, that commentary that's going on, you know, basically saying what's happening. But it just draws your attention to get back in the room. I am Anna and I'm

giving my daughter a hug on the sofa. Perhaps I'm ruminating and I'm in bed and I can't sleep because my mind is hopping all over the place. I might say, I am Anna and I'm warm in my bed, resting my body and my eyes. I am Anna and I'm making dinner for my kids. So basically stating what is happening. I am Anna. I'm making dinner for my children, bringing your attention back to where you are. Now I find that so incredibly helpful. So if you start to notice that anxiety is thieving you of peace and presence, that rumination is robbing you of headspace notice go gentle on yourself think of a little mantra such as what will happen will happen what won't happen isn't happening speak out a sentence of truth you might like to do this out loud

or if you're somewhere just to just in your mind just clearly map out what is happening i am anna and i am on the train on the way to work i am not anna that is going through all of of this trauma that I'm coming up within my mind. I'm Anna and I'm sat on the train and that is where I am and it's just a really simple technique that I thought you might find helpful. Of course, now if you feel like anxiety is really just got its kind of claws into you, please do seek support. I've got two books as well. So obviously if you can have a conversation with a friend or a family member, open up a little bit, speak to your GP or a therapist if you have that support available. my books, My Dover Mother, that is all about we're in anxiety in the first years,

just helping you really understand what it actually is. Also looking at how anxiety is there to help us. And often it really hinders us. So how can we can move, how can we know anxiety well enough to reactivate how it's meant to be rather than how it can so easily become? Then I've got the reframing anxiety course, which is kind of more systematic, bit of journaling. You do kind of five, ten minutes every day for three weeks, and that's £12 over on my website, Anna Martha.com. But there we go, just a little tip for anxiety there

for those moments where your mind is running away and you want to loosen that white-knuckle grip on life and on the good things. Thank you for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you enjoyed it, please do share, subscribe or review because it makes a massive difference to how many people it can reach. You can find more from me on Instagram at Anna Martha. You might like to check out my three books, Mind Over Mother, Know Your Worth, and my new book, The Little Book of Calm for New Mums, grounding words for the highs, the lows and the moments in between. It's a little book you don't need to read it from front to back. You just pick whatever emotion resonates to find a mantra, a tip and some supportive words to bring comfort and clarity. You can also find all my

resources, guides and videos, all with the sole focus of supporting your emotional and mental wellbeing as a month. They are all 12 pounds and you can find them on anamatha.com. I look forward to speaking with you soon.