The Therapy Edit - On a powerful way to relieve stress and overwhelm

Episode Date: February 28, 2022

I share a tip that is really transforming the way I deal with stress and overwhelm. Find a way to change your relationship with stress, and lessen those motherhood outbursts that come in when we turn into a human pressure cookers!

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hi everyone, welcome to today's episode. So I'm going to get a, no, I'm not really going to get scientific. It's the most simple science that I think we all know, but actually when I've applied this two times, of stress and just feeling oh my gosh like just overwhelmed with anything work parenting the two together this has been a real game changer for me in in being aware of it so the simple science is that think of a sponge you know the more soaked that sponges the more there is to come out the

sponge and if we carry on putting water in the sponge it starts spilling out it starts it starts draining out the sponge just can't hold it anymore a bit like grains of rice they only have capacity to hold so much water otherwise you end up this kind of if you ever done that we've ever cooked rice and it just turns into this absolute mush of you know just the edges are no longer defined it's one big lump of mush So I'm using this to start to understand how to deal with stress, how to deal with that feeling of just feeling full, feeling at the end of your resources. And the words absorb release. We can only absorb so much. The more we absorb, the more we need to release. Like that

sponge, what goes in must come out. What goes in must come out. And you know those times where everything just spills out we lose it you might shout yell storm out I might pick a fight just with my husband purely so that I can just get this emotion out perhaps I drop something or something falls out the cupboard and it's the final straw it's a straw that broke the camel's back and I break down and I cry we release what we're holding we have to we can only hold so much now we absorb everything we absorb the emotions of our children. You know, we're containers really. We are there to help them process their emotion. A lot of that is just absorbing it. So if they're fighting with me or they're

getting upset or they're irritable, I'm not then just releasing that straight back on them. I'm trying my best to take that and help them process it. But in the taking, I'm absorbing it for them. We absorb noise. When we're in really loud places, you know, remember times when it just gets too much and you're like, oh, I just need, I just need to step out. I just need some quiet. We absorb movement if those moments on the sofa where you've got, you know, someone else's body next to you or a child kind of kicking and moving against you. We have a capacity for that. We get to a point where we feel a bit touched out. Even smell. Strong smells. You know, those times have you ever been into a shop and it's just

quite overpowering and you're quite glad to get out and just kind of reset. So we absorb stress. We absorb all of all our senses. We're always absorbing. We're absorbing information that needs to be processed. So for a long time, I would wind down at night by reading or going on my phone. And that would be my way. I would say that was my way of closing off, of winding down, of just relaxing when actually what I was doing was filling my brain with even more information and more knowledge or fact or opinion or imagery for my brain to process. So, you know, we're absorbing all the time even when we don't realize we're doing it. So we need to release. We need to release just like that sponge. Now, what I've learned about myself is that

that release is either a choice or it's an explosion. I either make space for it, I make time for it. I'm an intentional about what I'm doing that helps me release some of this stuff that I'm taking on or it comes out, it spurts out, you know, like that overful sponge or that, you know, the pressure cooker. We often use that, don't we, as when we're talking about stress or overwhelm, that pressure cooker, it kind of spurts out the side. It spurts out the side and that's less controlled, isn't it? And for me, that is the losing it. That's the shouting.

That's the storming out. That's the picking a fight. That desire to let go or something. And I don't know about you, but I often feel better when I've shouted. I feel like I've let go of something. I also feel guilty because it normally in those moments when that release happens in that uncontrolled way there's normally some collateral damage there's normally some conversations to be had there's normally some tears to dry be it mine or or someone else's so yes that we release

somehow we can either do it through that choice or through that explosion we all know those moments of explosion and they're often they're often they are often followed by shame and guilt aren't they when really it's just because when we absorb we need to to release. That's the science of it. We cannot absorb and absorb and absorb noise and stress and emotion and never find and never release it. We just can't. We're not, we're not an ever expanding vessel. So how can we do it in advance? You know, how can sometimes we prepare ourselves for taking on what we're going to take on? I went for a walk the other day because it was a weekend and we were going to have a really busy afternoon.

We were going to be with family, lots of kids running around. And I know that that is a lot to absorb and the environment, the noise and, you know, the fights that you have to break up amongst the kids and with that lots of kind of socialising conversation and holding other people in mind and thought and talking. And so I went for a walk before I went to this party, knowing that I wanted to release some stuff just through the movement, through the stomping. Didn't even know what it was, just, you know, just a way of letting go so that I could then have the capacity to go and absorb more in this social setting.

And then when can you preempt that actually, you know, swimming lessons in the afternoon on a Monday after school are pretty stressful. So what might you be able to do beforehand so that you can release what might be there? And if you can't do that, what might you be able to plan that Monday evening? can you just keep it free? Can you just do something that fills you up? Can you just do something that helps you release some of what you might have had to absorb in the stress of it all? I think if we want to feel calmer, if we want to feel less stressed, if we want to feel less of those moments where it's just spilling over and out and there's that collateral damage and that mopping up to be done, we need to start

really valuing that release and really seeing what it is that is soaking up that sponge. You know, what is in that sponge? How, what can we do that essentially gives it a squeeze to let some of that water go in a really controlled way? How can we plan it in? Sometimes we even need to ask someone in our life to actually help us facilitate that. Can you go on that walk? Can you, can you get that workout in? Can you have that, that check in with a friend? What is it that helps you. I find it useful to think of the opposites. So when it's noise that's that, you know, that that we're absorbing, seek quiet when it's busyness. How can you seek calm? When it's crowded, how can you seek space? When you've been running at 100 miles an hour,

how can you seek stillness? If you feel overloaded with tech, how can you seek nature? If it's stress, how can you find acceptance? If it's information overload, how can you? How can engage in the wonder of it all, you know, looking up at the stars and just being an awe and wonder for a moment, if it's criticism that you feel full of, how can you seek some compassion? And how you release is really about, you know, what is it for you? What is it that does something helpful for you? What is it that you come away from and you feel, yeah, oh, I feel better. That helped. I don't know why, I don't know what, but it helped me. You know, for me, some of those are movement, it's laughter, getting involved in one of those

flow activities where you just lose track of time. It's so therapeutic. For me, it's seeking space. Just getting some space, getting out sometimes, meditating, just slowing my mind down. I love a cold shower. I love a cold shower really causes me, pulls me back to the moment. It's really bracing. It makes me feel incredibly alive.

but what are those things for you? Something to think about. Let me know. Let me know what it is that you decide to do for yourself to help release. Take care. Speak to you soon. Thank you for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you enjoyed it, please do share, subscribe and review.

You can find more from me on Instagram at Anna Martha. You might like to check out my two books called Mind Over Mother. know your worth. I'm also the founder of the Mother Mind Way, a platform full of guides, resources and a community with the sole focus on supporting mothers' mental and emotional wellbeing. It's been lovely chatting with you. Speak soon.