The Therapy Edit - On a simple thing that improved my relationship with my kids

Episode Date: April 11, 2022

I share a simple thing that has really benefited my relationship with my kids. It's a small but brilliant sentence that I've started saying to them and the impact has been wonderful. I hope you enjoy trying it out too!

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hi, welcome everyone. I hope you, I hope you're okay. Always start with that, don't I? But I really do. And as you listen to this, I have got, I just want to share a moment with you really. I wanted to share. something that is kind of changed my relationship with my kids in a in a lovely way and quite quickly. I had a moment this week that just made me so happy. You know those moments that just kind of make your heart burst and I had to tell

my husband straight away. But I was washing shampoo out of my older son's hair and he was in the shower and my middle, like my younger son was in the bath. playing with his sister and he just said like really wistfully completely unprompted he goes oh i'm the luckiest guy in the world i mean he's five so i was what what what are you saying charlie what on earth are you saying i'm the luckiest guy in the world he said and he said to me well i've got you i've got oscar i've got daddy and he started listing everyone that he loved in his life like including felix the cat philix the cat even got on many

And I think what I absolutely loved was this like completely random, totally unprompted overflow of gratitude and how he was just, you know, playing with the bubbles and out this came. But it's not completely unprompted because a few weeks ago I saw something on Instagram on one of my little scroll sprees. And I can't remember who wrote it. I didn't even screenshot it or kind of save it. I often do. But it said, it was a, I think it was a parenting page. And it said to say to your child, I love being your mummy. So, I mean, I do. I absolutely love being their mummy. It is full on. It is intense. It is the most challenging and wild thing I've ever done in my life. But I do,

I love being there, mummy. So I started saying it a few weeks ago, I started saying, I love being your mummy and I'd just say it randomly or as I was kissing them when I um you know when I said goodnight or as I'd whisper it into their ear um when I waved them off um at the school gate and I would just say that I love being your mummy oh and I'd say at dinner when I when I see them kind of all sat there and with messy faces and you know refusing their dinner and knocking each other's water over and I just I look at them I look at that little scene and I would say I am the luckiest mummy in the world it's almost like you know so often i get caught up in the detail we do don't we like so often those moments are quite full on and stressful and intense especially at meal times

and mornings i find when we're all just caught up in the whirlwind of getting ready to get out i find that quite a stressful time but sometimes recently i've just been using that little phrase to kind of widen my like zoom out kind of zoom out of the picture almost as if you're I'm looking on the scene of me in my home, these three little kids. And it's like it just takes me out of the detail of it all. And I just look at it and I think, I'm the luckiest mummy in the world. And I find it so grounding. And I will just say it. And, you know, especially it feels even more meaningful in the middle of their little storms, their tantrums, their grumps and mine too. just stop and look at the scene and zoom out to the bigger picture. I think, oh my gosh. Yes,

it's full on. Oh, yes, it is hard. Yes, it can feel relentless. Oh, my gosh, it's noisy. But I am the luckiest mummy in the world. I love being your mummy. And I find it, yeah, I just find it incredibly grounding. It's like it puts my feet back on the ground. It gives me like instant perspective and ultimately I think that little acknowledgement it just brings me straight back to love it brings me straight back to love and I feel like our love is the anchor isn't it our love is the thing whatever kind of storm we're going through whatever the day holds our anchor is love it is our foundation it is the constant and I don't know I think yeah I've just found it really helpful and I shared this on my Instagram feed the other day and I got so many

messages from people saying, I'm going to try this, I'm going to try this or saying that they'd done something similar and it had just been really lovely and helpful and yeah, just nourishing for that relationship. I think we want to, you know, we try so hard, don't we? We try so hard to get it right and I'm not going to get it right all the time. Oh my gosh and you've heard me say this before but our kids do not need a perfect parent. A perfect parent, not that we will ever and can ever be one, will not prepare them for an imperfect world. You know, they need me to mess up in healthy ways so that I, and sometimes let me tell you, I mess up in unhelpful, unhealthy, messy ways. And I'm so open about that one here. So don't get me wrong. You know, they need me to

mess up in healthy ways so that I can, so that we can reconcile and they can learn that, you know, it all comes out sometimes. We get it wrong. It's messy. But yeah, so we try so hard and I think I just love the simplicity of this of just exclaiming, just musing, just zooming out, looking at the bigger picture of it all and just saying, I love being your mummy. I'm the luckiest mommy in the world. And I think what I also loved about that moment with Charlie as he sat in the bath and just wistfully said this was that I don't get it right all the time, but I love that the little moments of gratitude, the little moments of just acknowledging and exclaiming and seeing the goodness of that bigger picture is coming out of them too. Isn't that

wonderful when you start realizing that the things you are doing. And I think often the fear is that, you know, I have this big fear that I'm going to mess my kids up. I know I'm not alone in this. I'm going to mess my kids up and they will require as much therapy as I have. Now, I don't just have therapy because I'm a therapist. I have therapy because I really, I need it. I need it to untangle stuff. And I'm very privileged to be able to have that. but you know my my fear is that I will mess them up and therefore I think we can be so scared can't we sometimes as to the impact that we're having on our children the impact that our own our own you know imperfections our own dynamics our own toxic traits because we all have them

we can be so fearful that we're messing up our kids and I think it's so easy to focus on that isn't it? It's so easy to focus on the things that we're not getting right. And I loved the fact that I think I got this right. I think I'm getting this one little thing right. It's glaming to them, focusing on the wider picture, noticing it, giving them those words, seeing their little heart, seeing their little body is kind of just their spine straight and the smile that comes when I say that. And then knowing that actually that little habit that I've started forming is coming out of them too. They've taken it on. Charlie's taking it on. He's sat there and he is just thinking in his mind in that moment zooming out in the chaos and the noise of it all. I am the

luckiest guy in the world and makes me laugh at five year old calling himself a guy. I think that's really cute. But I thought I'd share that with you because it is something that has made a difference to me. I would say that it has really quickly added a little something to my relationship with my kids and obviously added a little something to their minds. Thank you for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you enjoyed it, please do share, subscribe and review. You can find more from me on Instagram at Anna Martha. You might like to check out my two books called Mind Over Mother and Know Your Welfth.

I'm also the founder of the Mother Mind Way, a platform full of guides, resources and a community with the sole focus on supporting mothers' mental and emotional well-being. It's been lovely chatting with you. Speak soon.