The Therapy Edit - On a tip to help you when you’re worried

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

On this solo episode of The Therapy Edit, Anna considers how we can turn our tendencies to worst case scenario think into best case scenario thinking.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hi everyone, I hope you're well. This is a new solo episode of the Therapy Edit. And today we're going to talk about worst-case scenario thinking. Just have a little ponder for a moment of all the time. that you have jumped to the worst-case scenario. All the times that you've walked into a new situation or perhaps you've walked away from a really familiar situation and you have just gone over things in your mind

and of course our minds so often veered towards that worst-case scenario. And those thoughts tend to be full of fear, don't they? Fear of judgment. Perhaps fear of something bad happening or even that ruminant that rumination of something bad that could have happened that perhaps didn't, but we find ourselves immersing ourselves in almost an alternate reality of how things could have been if they hadn't gone so well, or what might that person have been thinking, or kind of deconstructing the conversation perhaps that we had, or how we behaved and thinking the

worst and assuming that the worst has been thought of us. And I want to help you with that because I know full well how this way of thinking, this worst case scenario of thinking can be both a protection mechanism and also incredibly life sucking and energy sucking and headspace sucking. So first of all, how can this way of thinking, this worst case scenario thinking actually have the intention of looking after us, have the intention of protecting ourselves. If we think back to some of the really challenging times in our lives and I bet you there was some worst case scenario thinking there. If I can imagine what the worst outcome might be, then perhaps I might be able to protect myself somehow from the pain

or the disappointment that may come if that happened. If I go into a job interview and I go into it expecting that the worst is going to happen, then perhaps I will feel less disappointed. If I go to a doctor's appointment or a hospital appointment and assume that the worst case is going to happen, then perhaps it won't feel so scary. And maybe there's a little bit of us that thinks if we are to really journey through what that worst case scenario looks like in our mind, then should it happen, we'll feel there'll be an element of control within that. And an element of, yeah, I knew this was going to happen. I prepared myself for it. I've gone through it in my mind. I know how I'm going to respond. I know how I'm going to feel, so therefore

it's taken some of the power out of it. We know full well, really, if we're honest with ourselves, that no matter how much we imagine what these worst case scenario situations might be, or if we imagine that if that person really disliked us because of how we spoke or how we behaved in that gathering or that social event, then if they were to withdraw from us because of it, then it would be less painful somehow. So it's this kind of self-protective mechanism. But also, it's often learned, it's often learned it gets reinforced by those around us because we tend to kind of veer towards the negative. Don't we tend to focus and try and prevent, try and protect ourselves from the negative? So it's really understandable that all.

often the weighting in our mind is towards that, that worst case scenario. But how does it affect us? You know, what does it take from us? It can take our ability to be present because I can be so sometimes fixated on the assumptions of what other people are thinking. Oh, they didn't think I was funny when I said that. Oh, they think I'm boring them. I'm looking into their eyes and I'm thinking I'm boring you. You know, I'm looking at passes by and I'm thinking they're judging my parenting. I see a symptom in one of my kids and my mind is jumping forward to that worst case scenario and everything that might that that could mean and I've lost headspace and I have lost kind of any ability to be present because my mind is just whirring. It's wearing and it's

run away into a future that has not and may never happen. So we lose so much to this. worst case scenario thinking, don't we? And if the worst case scenario was to happen, and I think there are times in our lives when the worst case scenario has happened, one, it then, we then find that actually our heart's just been broken twice because our minds, our bodies do not know what is perceived, what is imagined and what is actually happening. So when we are imagining these worst case scenarios, we are journeying through it. Physically, our bodies don't know whether it's happening or not. So we're, you know, that's how we can feel that stab of heartbreak or that feeling of despair and fear. It's because our bodies, to our bodies, it's happening. So we know that when

the worst case scenario happens, what's the worst thing that has happened is that our body's already been through that once? So we've had potential heartbreak twice. And also when those worst case scenarios have happened and perhaps you've been through some trauma, it really kind of starts taking that power away from you thinking, well, it will never happen. It will never happen. And it can feed this worst case scenario thinking even more. So ultimately, whilst it might feel like a protective mechanism, whilst it might feel like it's giving us a sense of control, ultimately it's actually taking away from our experience of what is happening. And it is taking away from the emotional energy that we have when we're journeying through this and we're battling with ourselves

with these worst-case scenarios, and then they don't happen. So it's sapping our emotional and mental energy and headspace too. So a tip that I would love to share with you is, what if we just started not replacing because often the first thought is that worst-case scenario and we can't control what first thought pops into our minds. But what if we started balancing it out or even just simply introducing the best-case scenario? You know, if we're going to walk into a room and make those assumptions and tell ourselves those stories about how people are seeing us and perceiving us and judging us, what if we were

to go into that room, recognise that that is happening, but then introduce a thought. What would the best case scenario be like? You know, the best case scenario would be that they would enjoy my company. The best case scenario would be that there wouldn't actually be any judgment there because often we're all so concerned about how we're coming across that we're often spending less energy and headspace judging other people because we're worrying ourselves. You know, what is that best case scenario? Is that actually you go and you have a nice time and you come away and everyone's just enjoyed your company? If we're going to walk into a room and tell ourselves these stories, if we're going to go into situations and circumstances and

create these worst case scenario stories in our mind, and this is what they are until they've happened is that their narratives, that their stories, what if we were to introduce a best case scenario or a normal case scenario or a boring everyday uneventful case scenario? And I talk about this in all the work that I do with driving anxiety. And often it's that worst case scenario thinking they can change our behavior. They can find ourselves avoiding things because it feels so real and it feels so potential. What if I introduced that most boring mundane case scenario thinking, which should be that I would be to get to where I was going and it would have been uneventful and I would have a cup of tea and put my keys down on the table. Boring, mundane case scenario.

We went on holiday recently for the first time since the pandemic and I had all of this worst case scenario thinking. I was leaving my house assuming that I would never return. I was getting on the flight, assuming that we would never land. And actually, the reality of it was the most likely boring case scenarios that would get home with a suitcase full of washing and a pile of post. And that is exactly what happened. So as I felt those worst case scenario anxiety-fueled thoughts, I would bring in this other, this other narrative, this other story to kind of bring into a balance and counteract that. And it would be that very thought. It would be that thought of Yeah, we come in, tired from the journey,

suitcases full of washing, and a pile of post at our feet. So next time you notice that worst case scenario thinking, know that it's normal, but actually we can start challenging the stories that we're telling ourselves by just introducing a different one. What might be that best case scenario thinking for you? what might be that most boring day-to-day, everyday, Monday and scenario story, that narrative that you can introduce to bring balance. And I'm telling you that the more you do this,

the easier it becomes, the more you do this, the less power that worst-case scenario narrative starts to hold because our minds are aware that there is another one in coming. And I hope that you find a little bit more headspace and peace and presence in using this technique as I'm I have done. Thank you for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you enjoyed it, please do share, subscribe or review because it makes a massive difference to how many people it can reach. You can find more from me on Instagram at Anna Martha.

You might like to check out my three books, Mind Over Mother, Know Your Worth, and my new book, The Little Book of Calm for New Mums, grounding words for the highs, the lows and the moments in between. It's a little book. You don't need to read it from front to back. pick whatever emotion resonates to find a mantra, a tip and some supportive words to bring comfort and clarity. You can also find all my resources, guides and videos, all with the sole focus of supporting your emotional and mental well-being as a month. They are all 12 pounds and you

can find them on anamatha.com. I look forward to speaking with you soon.