The Therapy Edit - On feeling proud of yourself

Episode Date: September 4, 2023

In this episode of The Therapy Edit, Anna chats about the importance of self pride and honouring yourself, your feelings, your needs and your boundaries. She considers how tiny decisions about how much you matter, can transform your life for the better, so do take 15 minutes to enjoy this episode, rate, review and share with others who may find it helpful.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hi there. It's just a solo episode from me for the next 10 minutes. I want to talk about how to really get in touch with that sense of feeling, proud of yourself. and it came from a moment this week when I was in London and I was walking down a street in bank, yeah, the kind of city, city part of London. And I looked up with a road sign because I was looking at Google Maps

because I just had some terrible, terrible directions and get hopelessly lost. So I very much, I'm one of these people that just are looking down at Google Maps, just try not to crash into landposts. And I looked up and I was. saw the street name and it suddenly took me back. So I'm going back to 2010. Oh my gosh, that's 13 years ago. That feels like a long time. 2010, I would go and see my therapist there. Now, for me, therapy of my own was very much a tick box thing. I was training to be a therapist and one of the requirements, rightly so,

is to see your own therapist. I guess to have a really good. experience of what therapy is and to go on your own journey. So when you're sitting with clients that are going through perhaps similar things or things that trigger, you know, emotions from your own experiences in life. It's really, really good practice. So I would go there at 7am and see her before I went off to work. And at that point, I was working in an advertising agency, marketing agency and I was working on the desk and I'd write my essays in my free time there and I just yeah it was a juggleby it was great I loved it so I would go and see my therapist at seven then I'd go and have porridge at a little cafe on the way to the office and then I'd get

into the office and like half eight nine so that was my little routine and I would ding dong I would press the doorbell at 7 a.m. on the dot even if I was early if it was raining if I was freezing I would stand there and I'd look at my watch and wait and wait until it was 7am on the dot and then I'd go in and she'd leave me out a glass of water every time and I would never ever drink it not even a sip I wouldn't even take a sip I could be desperate for a wee and I would never say to her do you mind if I quickly go destroyed it before the session I would never say that I would just wait until the end. I just didn't feel like I felt like it would be an inconvenience. I didn't want her to feel like I was wasting her time or I hadn't prepared myself somehow. If I was even potentially a few

minutes late, I would run all the way from the train station. Absolutely. I'd arrive sweating. It wouldn't even occur to me that it would be okay to be two minutes late. It wouldn't, you know, take your time, Anna. It's early in the morning. The train was late. It's not your fault. couple minutes late doesn't matter. No, absolutely not. No chance was I going to be late. I would run and run and run and sweat. And then what else would I do? Oh, she'd offer, yeah, she'd offer me every now and again. She'd be like, do you want a herbal tea or something? They'd say, no, thank you. I did want one. And then there was this one week and I had really bad food poisoning. I was up all night. I got on the tube. So we were living in Kent at that point. So it was a bit of a commute.

so I think I'd get up at gosh half five and be on the train at six so that I could get there at seven and I had a really bad I think it was food poisoning all night I was really really unwell and then I got on the tube and I was one of those situations where you're just thinking

oh my gosh I don't know if I'm going to make this this is not good this is not good I was sweating it was in a terrible state did it ever occur to me not to go to therapy absolutely not Did it ever occur to me to call in sick to work? No. So I'd turn up and looking back, I was walking down that road the other day

and I just had all these memories came to me about how fearful I was of being late or being early or drinking the water or accepting a mug of tea when it was freezing or missing the session and I just thought, wow, I am so different now. I'm off and a couple of minutes late for therapy I'm sometimes a bit undone

emotionally undone and I was never emotionally undone I was just really really neat very neat just I'd present everything I'd present the challenge and then I'd be like this is the thing that's hot

and this is what I'm going to do about it and I remember my therapist once saying to me so exactly what's my role in all of this Anna what do you want from me because you seem to have wrapped it up very nice, seen a bow there. There's no way in.

But anyway, as I walked down the street the other day and I walked past that practice really, and I just thought, oh, I felt so much compassion for younger me. But I also felt so flipping proud of myself. As I look back that 13 years and think, oh my goodness, so much has changed. So much has changed. I am not that same person anymore and I have a lot of compassion for her. I was thinking what's changed and I was reflecting on this because I've just been to my therapist just before I hit record and she said, Anna, you've put a lot of work in. That's you. You have been

working on these things and it's so true. I've been pulling apart me in a dialogue. I have been working on self-care and respecting myself and nurturing myself even when my self-esteem was on the floor, even when I hated myself far more than I cared for myself. And I just felt incredibly proud at the exhausting at times, relentless work it has been. But what the biggest change has been is the vulnerability, is the opening up, being honest, the letting people see me in my mess and being more open about my mess and accepting life for all of its mess and I can't control all the mess and all of that. And that takes a lot.

And I just, I think the point of me indulging in this story is really just an encouragement to look back sometimes and allow yourself to feel proud of the times that you've opened up. To feel proud of the times that you've let someone step in and support you, to feel proud of the times you've gone beyond the I'm OK. Proud of the times you've laid down boundaries. It's proud of the times you've challenged a critical in a dialogue, proud of the times that you've chosen to treat yourself in a way that feels very conflicting with that in a narrative. And sometimes we need to look back in order to do that and often can find compassion for the younger versions of us who we're just trying to make it through.

And if you're listening to this and you're thinking, Anna, I'm struggling to feel. proud of myself because actually I feel like I'm in that messy place now. I feel like I'm struggling with people pleasing or perfectionism or inner bullying or self-sabotage. And I want to encourage you that that fast change in my life has just been the little things. It's just been those little choices. There's another podcast episode I've done today on one way to be more confident. So that's a good ones really it's just about authenticity it's about noticing those little choices that arise in your daily life where you can just honor yourself fear expressing a feeling a need meeting a need asserting a boundary just it's those things honestly that have transformed my life

those little decisions day to day today today today and not always getting them right not always getting them in the direction of growth, it's very, very bumpy upward curve of which I am still on and will forever be on, none of us are going to arrive. So, yeah, if you'll listen to this and you're thinking, it's hard to look back and think how far I've come because I actually feel like I'm in the thick of it right now. Well, think about what those small things can be, go back and listen to some other episodes of the podcast and obviously raising a happier mother, which is the book, that I've just released is there for you as well and it will help really unpick some of these things but just notice those little opportunities and yeah reflect back see how far you've come

let it show you that these things are making a difference it's big stuff it's big stuff the little things have been the really big things so look back feel proud and if you're in the thick of it just don't overlook the small things they in time are the game changes Sending you love. Thank you so much for listening. Please do take a moment to subscribe, rate and review as it really helps get these words out to benefit more juggling parents like us. And head to anamatha.com to find my resources on everything from health anxiety to people

pleasing starting at only £20. And finally, don't forget to pre-order my new book, Raising a Happier Mother, How to Find Balance, Feel Good, and see your children flourish as a result. I can't wait for you to have that. Take care and we'll chat soon.