The Therapy Edit - On getting over disappointment

Episode Date: May 13, 2024

In this Monday solo episode of The Therapy Edit, Anna chats about how we can manage feelings of disappointment in response to a request from a listener. If you'd like some handy and really easy to adopt little tips to help ensure you don't succumb to disappointment, this is the episode you need to take just ten short minutes to listen to.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hello, welcome to a solo episode of The Therapy Edit. So today, for the next 10 minutes, we're going to be talking about disappointment. This came as a question to my Instagram when I did a little shout-outs for. some topic requests and the question very simply said how do I get over disappointment we've all felt disappointment haven't we even the word may well prompt that feeling in the core for me I get it in my stomach kind of in that you know that that central part of my abdomen it's kind of this dropping feeling when I think of the word disappointment I hear it it so often prompts that

that recognition of a time that you have felt disappointed or maybe right now you're being disappointed about something. We can feel disappointed about all sorts of things, can't we, just those times when things don't turn out as we hoped. Maybe we've really hoped or dreamed for something and maybe we've thought it was about to come to fruition and then it didn't. So we feel that sense of disappointment and perhaps we feel disappointed with someone or may be disappointed with ourselves. I'm not sure what disappointment the member of our social media community was thinking about when they message me. But I'm hoping that these little five tips, these little five thoughts that I have will feel relevant, whatever kind

of disappointment you might be facing or processing at the moment. So I've got five ways. But first all, I think, I just want to note, when we say get over disappointment, I think that's sometimes the challenge, isn't it? The getting over it kind of sounds a little bit like we should just forget about it. I should be able to move past it. You'd get over it and you'd stop thinking about it and you'd stop feeling this way as if it's somehow problematic to feel that disappointment. and like grief, sometimes and often, the only way that we can get over something is to get through it, to feel it. It's really inconvenient because we often do not like feeling the feelings that don't feel

that great. We can really fear that perhaps if we allow ourselves to really get in touch with some of the other feelings that come with disappointment, which might be hurt, grief, frustration, disenchantment, then we might never stop feeling those feelings again. But actually as we allow ourselves to move through that feeling, to feel that feeling of disappointment, even if it is uncomfortable, then we can move through it. And that's how we process it. But I'm going to steal from all of my tips if I keep talking.

So we're going to go to tip number one, grieve. grieve if you are feeling disappointed allow yourself to grieve allow yourself to grieve that hope that potential that possibility that thing that you wanted that you didn't get that idea that you had that didn't come to fruition, the dream perhaps that wasn't realized. Grief is hard and I think so often we can expect ourselves to only grieve the big things when actually we grieve little things all the time. We grieve little losses all the time. Perhaps you've lost something once, you know, maybe something that was precious to you and you know that sadness. Allow yourself to grieve the loss that is within this disappointment.

Thing about grief is that grief paves the way for acceptance. And I think often what we want, we want to say, I want to get over this disappointment is we want to say, we want to accept that disappointment. And often the feelings that we want to feel, that feeling of being able to look to the future, that feeling of acceptance that comes with. allowing ourselves to process the frustration, the grief, the loss that is there in that

disappointment. So number one, grief, not easy. Just notice the feelings that arise. As you feel sad, just say to yourself, I'm feeling really sad about that and that's okay. Number two, verbalise your disappointment with a friend or a family member. Let them do that encouraging, affirming, comforting thing of saying to you, that's really hard. That's sad. That's rubbish. That's rough. Sometimes we just need to hear it. We so often give each other there, oh, you know, look on the bright side or the right thing will be around the corner. Oh, you know, one thing that doesn't work out will just make space for something that does. And that's true. And those are the things that we want to hear and those are very easy to find. You can just scroll on Instagram and you'll find

a million different positive affirmations for you. But sometimes it's really valuable to speak to someone who will just let you feel a bit rubbish about it, who will let you, have a little pity party for a minute about it. Because again, that's just another way to affirm and help some of that grieving process that paves away for acceptance. Number three, allow yourself to feel the injustice, the anger, the frustration, the wrong, the unfairness. Sometimes I think we worry that if we engage in these emotions, we will be completely overwhelmed by them, we'll get stuck in them and we will forever just be feeling pitiful. We will

forever be feeling hard done by and what good is that? You know what? Sometimes it's just rubbish. Sometimes a disappointment is unfair. Sometimes it is sad. Sometimes it is wrong. And by letting yourself engage in those feelings is another way to process, value, validate and not get stuck in them, but move through them. And this is how we pave that way for acceptance. Number four, I want you to remove a sense of failure. You know, you might have failed in the job interview. You might have parented in a way that you didn't want to. But you, in and of yourself as a person, as a valuable human being, are not a failure.

So I encourage you to recognise where you are using that shaming language. Oh, I'm rubbish. I'm never going to get anywhere. I've failed. I'm a failure. Yeah, sometimes we do rubbish things. Sometimes we wake up on the wrong side of bed, on the wrong side of the bed, on the wrong day. and then things don't go as we hope they would but you in and of yourself are not a failure so remove that

sense of shame you might have failed but you're not a failure you might be disappointed but you are not in and of yourself a disappointment and these are the things that get us really stuck and prevent us from moving through to that place of acceptance so remove that shame Number five, and finally, when you are ready, look forward. Have a think in place of that disappointment. What do you want? What was it that you missed out on in that loss? Think about how to pivot your business if that's where the disappointment has been.

Find some new parenting podcasts if the disappointment has been and how you've responded in a moment in parenting. So when you are ready, look forward, and often this comes after allowing yourself to grieve that loss and feel that disappointment. So there we go. Some really kind of practical steps there on getting over disappointment, really kind of moving through the stages of feeling a disappointment and getting to that place of being able to dream and think, okay, what next? and I hope that's helpful and I'm sending you love as you move through your week and don't forget to have a rifle through

all of the different episodes of the therapy edit because there are so many other topics that are down all the way down the feed that will feel really relevant and helpful so maybe instead of turning off why not go and find something else that will fit the bill for where you're out right now take care

Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you have enjoyed it, don't forget to subscribe and review for me. Also, if you need any resources at all, I have lots of videos and courses and everything from health anxiety to driving anxiety and people pleasing nail all on my website, anamatha.com. And also, don't forget my brand new book, Raising a Happier Mother is out now for you to enjoy and benefit from. It's all about how to find balance, feel, good and see your children flourish as a result. Speak to you soon.