The Therapy Edit - On how to be happier

Episode Date: April 24, 2020

Is there a person in the world who wouldn't fancy a bit more happiness? Here's how to get more.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hi everyone. So today's episode of The Therapy Edit, I'm talking on how to be happier. Isn't this something we all want more of? You know, if you ask a lot of people what they want in life, what they want for their children, I'll say, I just want to be happy. I just want them to be happy. And I'm going to share with you something that has absolutely changed my life these last couple of years. You know at Christmas I had a conversation with my mum. And she was just, I know we're just reflecting, we're reflecting on the last year. And she said to me, Anna, I have never seen you so happy. And I thought,

wow, it's amazing that other people have noticed that about me. Because I've, this is something I've really been working on. And it isn't that anything in my life has significantly changed. It is not that you know, any kind of the strategic things in life have got better. It's just that I have been working on this one concept called Gratitude. And I'm going to start by telling you a story. When I was 10, I have a really strong memory of rolling down this grassy slope with my brother. And the sun was shining, we just felt joy, we felt happiness, we got up and we were dizzy and we had grass in our hair and we were stumbling around and we were laughing. And I just remember that feeling of joy.

I just remember that feeling of, in that moment, it just felt really happy and free. And yeah, but there is a massive butt to this story. The reality of this story is so the biggest setting of this story as that we were rolling down a grassy slope of a graveyard in our village and very recently only mere weeks before we had buried my younger sister who had died at the age of six from a brain tumour so there was so much sadness and confusion and grief and so much questioning and heartache and loss in our life at that point and that was all very real you know but I think as children the one didn't negate the other like the sadness was so real and there were many tears shed

but in that moment there was joy and the two can go together and I think we see this in children when we look at children don't we I can see my toddler one minute it's like he feels like the world ending is ending and then the next minute he is finding absolute wonder in the smallest thing and you know he's not there thinking well there's hard things and sad things going on in my life right now so therefore I cannot feel joy I cannot I cannot experience laughter and I think as children we we don't overthink it but as adults you know through life we start start picking up rules as to how we should feel well I should feel this or I shouldn't feel happy right now and a lot of shoulds creep into feeling and emotion but I want to talk about gratitude I want to talk about how it can

totally change our experience of the challenging times and I really want to caveat this with that it's not about ignoring or devaluing what is hard and sad and confusing and challenging and frustrating. It's about bringing balance. It moves our attention to what has gone wrong, what is going wrong, to what is right and what has gone right and what is lovely. It is kind of like lighting a candle in the darkness. You know, it just changes our experience of that challenge. And I often think about the men in the trenches and how they used to pass time laughing

and showing stories and singing songs. And they were in real danger. They were going through a real time of challenge and a very real risk placed upon their lives. But if they can find joy in those trenches and if I can find joy in that time of grief in that graveyard, if the war children can find joy playing games upon the rubble of their streets then maybe we can find joy in these times you know if we find gratitude and feel gratitude and joy just in the big

things in our lives the big achievements the big events the big celebrations the big milestones then yeah we'll feel joyful sometimes and that will feel good and that will bring happiness because let's face it, gratitude, when you feel grateful, don't you just feel happy? You know, gratitude brings happiness, it brings joy. And if we just allow the big things in our lives to be the things that bring us that happiness, we will feel happy some of the time. But if we can somehow find joy and gratitude in the small things, then we will feel happy a lot of the time, not all of the time, a lot of the time, a lot of

the time and again it it is not to overlook or devalue the real feelings it is just grief and laughter you know it's bringing in that and confusion and peace fear and happiness and those feelings can sit together you know they don't need to negate one another the the one doesn't mean that the other cannot exist um so So let me share with you a tip that really, the day that I started putting this into practice, honestly, and I know that so many people who have read about this, I speak about it a lot through my social media. It's turning I've got to to, I get to. And I think it's just about reframing these things, the mundane, the boring, the frustrating, the hard, you know.

for example um i get to i get to do the washing for my family you know when i'm shoving that like forthloading in two days into the washing machine and i'm like oh got to do so much flipping washing and then if i can just reframe that in that moment to i get to i get to do the washing then i start breaking it down i start thinking man i get to do the washing in my home in the safety of my home with a washing machine that so many people don't even have access to in their home, in their streets, in their communities, maybe there are parts of the world that don't even have washing machines that are doing it all by hand piece by piece. You know, I get to do the washing for my family, which I am an immense privilege of being

surrounded by these children and this husband who I love and who bring me so much joy in my life. and I get to do the washing for my family because I have a family and that I have children and that is a privilege in itself. I think in these times of challenge, you know, and we can feel like prisoners in our own homes and that is hard and there is very much that is hard about these times of isolation. For those of you who are listening to this in the future we are going through times of isolation at the moment where we are told to stay in our homes in order to halt the progression of a really awful virus. So yes, I just want to encourage you all those challenging feelings. They are so valid. But if you can take a moment to write a gratitude list,

to write down 30 things that you are grateful for, start off with the big things, start off with the, you know, the very obvious things and then it will get harder and then suddenly it will be like the cork pops out of the bottle and you are writing down things such as I have legs to move, I have arms, I have eyes that see, I can hold this pen and suddenly, you know, all of those things that were before mundane and things that you never thought about can suddenly bring happiness and joy. And I promise you, consider how you feel before doing that exercise and how you feel after doing that exercise and remind yourself and prompt yourself in those times of frustration and sadness and grief just to turn your attention to some of those things also

that are wonderful in your life just so that you know that grief can reside beside happiness that frustration can reside beside some joy thank you for listening to today's episode of the therapy edit if you enjoyed it please do share, subscribe and review. You can find more from me on Instagram, Anna Martha. You might like to check out my two books called Mind Over Mother and Know Your Worth. I'm also the founder of the Mother Mind Way, a platform full of guides, resources and a community with the sole focus on supporting

mother's mental and emotional well-being. It's been lovely chatting with you. Speak soon. Thank you.