The Therapy Edit - On how to cope when you're tired but you can't rest

Episode Date: March 25, 2024

In this solo episode of The Therapy Edit, Anna shares six tips that listeners can use to cope when they are really depleted and craving rest but are unable to find it.We hope those of you who are battling with exhaustion or who are struggling, find these suggestions useful.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hi everyone. Welcome to today's solo episode of The Therapy Edit. I had a nice shirt on today and now I just am wearing a big hozy hoodie. I don't know about you, but I think lockdown the lounge wear, I just never stop with that. I always feel like it's quite a thing when I leave the house in a proper outfit because normally I just wear leggings, gym stuff. But I was wearing a proper outfit earlier and now I've got my hoodie back on.

That wasn't my intention. It's funny, isn't it? We just seek our comfort. I think that's really important. I think it's really important to recognise when we need. and when we need that comfort and we need that coziness we are

we're kind of if we look at the seasons I think we forget that we do have times when we want to hibernate and there's nothing wrong with that I've been questioned this a lot actually recently with regards to kind of friendships and stuff in the winter I'm just a lot more

my natural thing was to say antisocial but that's the issue is that I think sometimes we make it make out that it's a problem when actually we're just responding to kind of the cycles of the season and sometimes you want to step back a little bit and kind of hunker down and I think that's really natural

and we use words like antisocial it kind of makes something very natural into something that seems problematic and then all those shoulds and shouldn't shouldn't come into it all. That's not what I was going to talk about. Although, actually, it's not too dissimilar to the topic. I did a little shout out on my Instagram because today I'm recording, in fact, I'm recording six podcasts, doing them guest podcasts. But sometimes I write notes for them. Sometimes I do a lot of shout out and see what it is that you want. And so on a message

and said, Anna, I have young kids really tired, rough nights. I want to know how to cope. How can I carry on going to work, doing a good job when I'm so exhausted. So this episode is just some really tangible tips for how to cope when you were just done in. But you can't stop. You have to do the things. You have to get up, get going, tick the boxes, do the job, go to work, do the job paths, all of those things. You have to kind have trudged through. So how can you make that path a little bit smooth of yourself when you're feeling exhausted? My first tip, how many have I got here? One, two, three, four, five, six, six tips. My first tip is to cut corners. Now, as a natural perfectionist, I fight it very well

these days. I have historically found it very difficult to cut corners to make things easier for myself, always just doing everything to the nth degree, regardless of whether I had the time or the resources to do that or feeling very frustrated with myself when I did have to cut corners or do a lesser job than I wanted to do. I always say to people, because I work with a lot of perfectionists. I coach a lot of moms and do a lot of therapy with people that struggle in this way. And I always say, it's not forever, it's for now. So if you feel like cutting a corner in order to buy yourself some time or a rest or a moment on the sofa and you just do things in a bit more of a slapdash way than you feel comfortable with. I want I want you to say that

to yourself. It's not forever. It's just for now. It's in this survival time. It's in this time where I'm having to scrape together the energy, to get a little bit more of what I need. I'm going to cut this corner, whatever that looks like for you. My second tip of six is shun the should. When you're tired and you're done in, just recognise where are the shoulds? Oh, I should be going to this or I should be doing that. I should say yes to that. Do you know what? Just challenge that.

Really, have you got capacity? Have you got it in the bank to give out? What is the cost of you going to that thing, taking on that project, saying yes to that. What is the cost? Those shoulds are often, I mean, those things that we know and our gut that we don't want to do, we don't feel like we can do it, but we just feel like we should do it. So I want you to really just become a little bit more worry of those shoulds and just challenge it and question it and think, you know what? What if I didn't?

What if I said no? And I think what we often find is that we grow in confidence in our know because the world carries on turning. And some people just shrug and go, oh, okay then. we'll miss you, but we understand. So test out the nose. Number three, go easy on your emotions. When you are tired, when you are stressed, when you are living in survival, you're going to be feeling all sorts of things. And I actually did a little demonstration on this. I want to go on my grid and my little three-minute lives. So scroll down and find it. And it's about emotional validation. because I think often what we do is we recognize that we feel overwhelmed, we're exhausted.

Okay, so imagine you like open your hand out, if it's safe, if you're on the, if you're on the way too, please don't do this. Open your hand out and imagine that you have got a little word in your hand saying overwhelmed. Okay, you've got that feeling. You're recognizing it. I am feeling overwhelmed. And then think about what we so often do. We go, but I should feel grateful, but I should be coping better than this. But last year when I did this, I felt it was so much easier. and we start heaping on another ton of emotion. So imagine that with each but and with each criticism, you are adding another emotion into your hand.

And that little feeling of overwhelm has gotten totally buried and lost in all of the other feelings and those shoulds. And the most powerful thing that you can do for yourself when you're feeling done in is stop judging how you're feeling, stop trying to analyze it, stop trying to diminish it, devalue it, brush it off, change it, manipulate it, recognize that first feeling and just think, and that's okay. I feel overwhelmed, and that's okay.

I'm having a human response to my circumstances. So just go easy on your emotions at this time, please. Now, number, what we've got here? Number four, consider other forms of rest. I think often in our head we have sleep, rest, maybe slogging on the sofa, that's about it. But I want you to consider other forms of rest, especially as sleep, is something that is not easy to come by at the moment. And maybe that's where you're feeling particularly exhausted. I want you to think of literally slowing, slowing down, slowing your movement down, sewing your speech down, slowing your heart rate down. I want you to think about pausing, pausing in between things in those little transitional moments if you've arrived somewhere in the car

instead of just rocketing out just pause we'll be right 30 seconds no one's going to be crossed for 30 seconds just breathe and it's so easy isn't it to grab your phone in the pauses that life offers but then they're not pauses at all we dive into busyness. We dive into this place where our nervous systems on edge because we don't know whether we're going to get a funny little cat meme or a traumatic birth story that touches on your own. So just pause, just breathe. Just allow your body to rest for a moment. Number five, this is a huge one. I think I've probably done a whole episode on this before. I've certainly got a whole book on this. Know Your Worth and Raising a Happy Mother covers it.

well, accept support. If you have a narrative in your mind that says, I must do everything, I must do everything well, the buck stops with me. Sometimes it can be really hard to accept the support that is there around you. And you might feel, as I have felt historically, and it's been a massive reason as to why I've turned down support when I've needed it most, is that I feel like accepting support is failure somehow when actually it's just humanness we need each other. And there will be various reasons if you find accepting support hard as to why, perhaps you had to grow up really young. Perhaps you had to be self-sufficient and meet your own needs at times when ideally you would have lent on other people. But it's really important and it's a lesson for

life really, skill for life to just push yourself beyond that comfort zone a little bit in accepting support. And when I was trying to do this, I remember saying to people, you know, I've everything in me wants they know. Everything in me wants to say, don't worry about me. I'm fine, but I'm trying to challenge myself to accept support. So in this case, I'll say yes, please. Number six, amend expectations, yours and others. As you're exhausted at this time, as you're trudging through and it feels like you're walking through Trickel. Just think what expectations can you amend both of yourself? If your kid is exhausted, do you expect the normal stuff from them? No, you lower the bar. my kids will be very, they'll fight more, they'll cry more, they'll have more meltdowns,

and I just remind myself they're tired. I expect less of their behaviour when they're tired. So I encourage you to think less of yours and amend your expectation there. And also, if you can amend other people's expectations, that's really great too. Whether it's someone at work, and you just say, you know what, I'm having some really rough nights. So if I don't communicate things well that's why at the moment or your partner you know i'm feeling really snappy at the minute just just to let you know i'm exhausted and then things are coming out sideways and i think it can just mean that we're not adding all that high expectation upon ourselves which can actually make us feel even more pressured and tense so there are some little tips and how to cope when

you're tired and i really really really hope that you get some rest soon And I really, really hope that you know that you are deserving of taking those opportunities that perhaps you overlook to rest and get supported as you make it through this time. Sending love. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you have enjoyed it, don't forget to subscribe and review for me. Also, if you need any resources at all, I have lots of videos and courses. everything from health anxiety to driving anxiety and people pleasing nail all on my website

anamatha.com. And also don't forget my brand new book Raising a Happier Mother is out now for you to enjoy and benefit from. It's all about how to find balance, feel good and see your children flourish as a result. Speak to you soon.