The Therapy Edit - On how to feel less irritable

Episode Date: January 15, 2024

In this Monday solo episode, Anna takes a dive into those moments when you feel snappy, short tempered and just plain irritable. As well as helping mums understand just how common this feeling is, Anna explores a few practical tips to help you manage these emotions.For more advice and a deeper dive into the topics of anger and irritability, make sure you've read Raising a Happier Mother.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hi everyone. Welcome to today's episode. Just me today. Talking about irritability. I have actually got a section in my book about irritability. So I'm just going to nick my own, my own word. words because I think we really struggle with feelings of irritability. We question them. It can make us frustrated, even more so irritable at ourselves. So I want to have a little think about what we can do when we feel irritable. Now, my book Raising a Happy Mother has actually got like a whole section on why we feel irritable. We might have very clear understandings as to why, but sometimes it's just that simmering feeling and it just, yeah, we just can't always tell why. Sometimes we know

exactly what's driving us up the wall. We know exactly what is making us feel hypersensitive to our surroundings. Sometimes I know it's my hormones. Sometimes I know that it's just underlying stress. Sometimes I just have no idea and I can really question, is this just who I am now? Why am I finding life just so annoying? Why are the things? things that don't normally annoy me, really annoy me. Or why am I just feeling that? Sometimes I describe it's like having your buffer taken away. All of the stimulus, the noise, the stress just feels even more difficult. So I've written this. Nothing frustrates me more than my own irritability. I don't like that simmering energy that threatens to lurch forth in a

snappy verbal outburst. I don't like it. at all. How about you? Do you know that feeling when it's just simmering under the surface, this irritability and you get the sense that you can just snap. You just snap, partner, the kids, anyone within your local vicinity, anyone within earshot. I don't like it. When at certain points in my cycle, in my hormones, I lose my softness, my patience. And to be honest, I'm someone that has to work pretty hard to muster patience at the best of times. And I also lose that sense of resilience. And in the book, I say, what does irritability feel like to you? I want you to reflect on that for a moment. What does irritability feel like to you? Is it mental? Is it physical? Or perhaps it's

both of those things? Have a little thing. What prompts it? What tricks it? And what makes it worse? Do you notice a rhythm to irritability? Do you notice it certain times in the day, maybe after just smashing some chocolate biscuits and you get that sugar crash and it comes. And it comes. with that? Does it feel more intense around certain people or at certain times at the month? Is it prompted by certain environments? Or when you're feeling tired, stress or depleted, and I have not written in here, hungry. Hanger is definitely a thing. Hangability, is that one? Can we use that? Anyway, irritability can feel like that buffer between you and the outside world has just been removed. You can feel more reactive and sensitive to what is said to you or you might find yourself really

easily stressed, angry or hurt by things around you, is that feeling of having a really short fuse, low resilience, and also just responding to things that you might not normally respond to in that way. So then I go into all these different reasons as to why we feel irritability. That might be super helpful for you. Sometimes it is just really helpful to get some insight and just be like, oh my gosh, light bulb moment. That really prompts this feeling for me. So go and have a read if that would be helpful for you. But what we're here for and what I want to give you in this episode are some ways to address it because it's really helpful to understand what might be causing it to bubble up in you.

But I know that you're here for the tips. So here we go. So what I recommend that you do is note down the feelings of irritability if they're happening frequently in a journal, just in your diary. Just note them down to see if you can track them. And this is so useful for two reasons. First of all, it's really great to see if there is a rhythm or a cycle to your irritable feelings. Maybe that are hormonal or diet related, but you'll also be able to identify for how long this feeling has been going on for. So if you do seek any professional support, then you have this really valuable mood tracking info to share.

So if you feel like you're often feeling irritable, just start making a little note. It is so helpful seeing these rhythms. I find it really, really helpful going on my period tracking app and being like, oh, that is why I feel this way. I actually find it really, really frustrating when I go on there. And I hope that it's because I'm about to get my period, but in truth, it is not. And then I think, right, is this just me?

Or is there another trigger, something else going on and it is normally the second one. So the other purpose is tracking your mood is just helping you recognize that it fluctuates because when you're in the midst of that time of irritability and everything is just grinding your gears, looking back, it's so helpful to be reminded that it doesn't last forever that it passes and it helps me ground a little bit, just trust that it will pass and ride it out. Sometimes I know why I'm feeling irritable. Sometimes you may know and sometimes you may not. But like most things,

whether you know why you feel irritable or not. Some of us just love to get to the bottom of it. We love to analyse it. It will pass regardless of whether you do anything to ease or appease it. But if you're like me and you like things to help, especially when you're walking on that super thin, tightrope of resilience and these things will. Number one, explore the red flags. If irritability, like I talk about guilt, is like a little red flag,

that pops up and it prompts you that it's trying to communicate something to you. Is there a need that you can attend to? Are you done in one area of resource? Are you exhausted? Are you depleted? Are you hungry? Are you thirsty? Are you peopled out?

Are you noised out? What can you tend to? Is there a conversation that needs to be had and a emotion that hasn't been validated or verbalised? So explore those red flags. See irritability as a little prompt. number two replenish your body with water and good food if your body is running on empty a dehydrated body is a distressed body a hungry body is a distressed body if you're unwell also the same you've got this base level base layer of stress going on how can you replenish or rest to restore and refuel number three step up your bedtime routine address any bedtime procrastination it is not serving you if you

You need rest, get rest. Tare yourself away from the TV. Think about how has your sleep been? Can you get better quality rest by moving caffeine earlier in the day, making sure you're not eating too close to bedtime, cutting out alcohol, all these things, cutting out the blue light, phone usage, all of these things really impact the sleep quality.

What can you do to prioritize the quality of sleep to resource you in a way that you can? Number four, meet with a few good friends. Have you had too much or too little time alone recently? Because we can have both, can we can, we can have too much people time or we can have not enough. Maybe you're feeling socially overwhelmed or perhaps you're feeling socially isolated. So just seek company or see space dependent on what you need. We all need quiet times of rest, but we also need community with others. Now too much or too little can leave you feeling overwhelmed or isolated. And then, no, Number five, I actually have like 12 in this chapter. So it's the chapter on anger and irritability. So if this is resonating for you and you need more, I have way more tips in the book. But as I tend to stick to the five on here,

that's what we're going to do time-wise. So number five, which one am I going to pick? Oh, okay. Let's have a little think about my favorite, practicing gratitude. Now, sometimes when we feel that sense of irritability, irritability, we can lean very easily towards that negative mindset. Of course we can. Things can feel overwhelming. We can feel a little bit low. Now, what we do when we practice gratitude, it isn't saying

that all of those feelings that you're feeling are completely rubbish and they are not valuable. It's saying, let's just bring a little bit of gratitude in alongside it. It just brings welcome balance to this kind of negative outlook that we can spiral into when we feel, when we feel irritable. So write down 10 things that you're grateful for. You know, just look for those things in your life, be it the eyelashes of your child, but looking up at the sky and seeing something beautiful up there that just broadens your perspective for a little bit,

looking around your home and just feeling so grateful for what is really hopefully a safe, cozy space for you. So just that practice of gratitude can just bring a little bit of warmth and perspective. So, I mean, I really want to go into the others, that's either one used to do another podcast episode or you're going to have to go and delve into that chapter of the book. But if you're feeling irritable, just be kind to yourself, look after yourself. And I hope that's helpful, especially after all the, just the busyness

of Christmas as we head into the new year. It's been a lot. Even if it's a nice time, it's still, it's still a lot. So take care. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you have enjoyed it, don't forget to subscribe and review for me. Also, if you need any resources at all, I have lots of videos and courses and everything from health anxiety to driving anxiety and people pleasing nail all on my website, anamatha.com. And also, don't forget my brand new book, Raising a Happier Mother is out now for you to enjoy

and benefit from. It's all about how to find balance. feel good and see your children flourish as a result. Speak to you soon.