The Therapy Edit - On how to feel less stressed

Episode Date: December 11, 2023

In this solo Monday episode that lands at a particularly busy time of year, Anna reflects on one of those hectic mornings that left her feeling super stressed. She considers how differently she might have approached the morning and how we can all take some steps to feel a little less stressed.We hope it really resonates and helps some of you to feel less stressed too.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hello, it's me. I've got a little 10-minute for you today and it all sprung out of one morning when I made a mess and it's all about addressing or finding a way to be a little bit less stress. want to be less stressed. We are often so switched on and so proactive and so on the go, aren't we? And no wonder, you know, sometimes we just flop on the sofa and we're just then find it really hard to motivate ourselves. So we can move from one state to the other. And ideally, we'd find it quite easy to just not do too much, too fast, too often so that we can transition into those restful periods when we get the chance. Anyway, the other day, I,

It was chaos, the usual, in the morning. You know, kids to get to school, all of that. Everyone brushing their teeth. Like the washing machines finished because we programmed it overnight and the cat needs feeding and then someone can't find their shoe. And I'm brushing my teeth, right? I'm brushing my teeth. And whilst I'm brushing my teeth with my electric toothbrush,

I am pulling the washing out of the washing machine. And then I'm also shouting to one of the. kids see if they want to feed the cat. They don't want to feed the cat. So I'm then dragging, you know, moving the washing so I can get to the cupboard to get the cat food out. And then, you know, one of the kids has lost their shoes. So I kind of abandoned that. And then I go around into the hallway and I'm like in a cupboard delving around for the flipping shoe. And I look. And I realize that I've literally traipsed a trail, toothpaste, dribble everywhere. Like, I think I'm being really productive, right?

Not only am I brushing my teeth. I am also, sort of washing out, feeding the cat, finding the shoe. So productive. I'm doing all of those things in one way to get things done. Go me. Absolutely, you know, smashing the juggle in that moment. But then, you know, it's a real reminder. And I look and there, what I've done is created a trail of toothpaste that basically tracks everywhere I've been.

And I've also created, you know, something to clean up. So I created another job. But also I realized that what I've been doing is basically brushing the same third of my mouth. So I spent two minutes brushing like 60th. And I have more than 60th. So yeah, it's just that the thing we often do in multitasking is we're conned into thinking that it's good, right? We're being productive. we're getting stuff done. It's kind of cheating. I'm doing all of these things in one and therefore I will have

less to do later. When in truth, often what we do is we do all of those jobs not very well and we tend to create extra work for ourselves. But not only that, not only are we often creating extra work for ourselves and not doing things well. We are, when we are multitasking like this, we're moving fast, our heart's beating fast. We are literally moving and living like we're being chased, don't we? We feel like we're on some kind of deadlines and timeline. We are just doing a million things and we'll go. And what that's doing to our body, to our mind is saying that we're at threat.

We go, go, go, go, go. And the reason we're go, go, go, go is because we're being chased by a bear. We're at threat. So then not only we're doing a million things, not only are we rushing around, not only we're using all these different parts of our brains that are constantly switching between one thing to another, we've got more stress hormone floating around our system, say floating as if it's kind of chilled, it's not, it's coursing, it's like electricity, you know, and then once that moment has passed and the toothpaste has been wiped up and the shoes are on and the kids

are where they need to be, we've then got this, you know, we're just tired, we're tired because our body essentially has just felt like we were at threat because of the way we were moving because of the way we were doing now I think all of us want more presence in our life if we're honest all of us stand every now and again look at our kids look at our life and think how that look at our gray hairs look at our little crow's feet look at whatever and we think how the heck how the heck has life gone so fast how the heck am I at this point. My mum often says this. She's like, Anna, I do not know how I am a grandmother. I do not know how I have a 38 year old daughter. I do not know where the time has gone. Now, my mom

is actually quite good at just, she doesn't get massively distracted. She's not always on a phone. She's not doing a million different things. She kind of is, but she's a bit more present than I you know and I know that she would look back on our childhood and she would think yeah I was there I was there I was there now I want to be able to say that too I want to be able to say I was there I want to it makes feel tearful because I just think there was so many times I'm doing this mad rushing around and I am not there the world I'm whizzing past the world things are happening and I'm not even noticing them my kids are there you know at the age they are and I'm not fully absorbing it.

We can't. I think I've done a whole podcast on why we can't always be present. We can't. We are where we are. We are actually always present. But you know what I mean? We can't always be focused on exactly what's in front of us. Otherwise, stuff wouldn't get done.

The cat wouldn't get fed. The washing machine wouldn't get emptied. But I think what I want to encourage you to do is very simply this. Do one thing at a time. Do one thing at a time. and I try and challenge myself if I am brushing my teeth I am brushing my teeth

if I'm feeding the cat I'm feeding the cat and I'm thinking oh I'm feeding the cat and I'm thinking oh I'm brushing my teeth how privileged I am to have dental health how privileged despite the fact that some of my teeth are not actually real

because I knocked them out when I was 10 and I've got some fake teeth anyway by the buy how grateful I am to have access to that dentistry, how grateful I am to have access to running water, how grateful I am. This is the only moment that exists in my life right now is me brushing my teeth, just like when my kid comes in from school and I'm halfway through an email or I'm picking them up and I've got this on my brain and I've got to think about dinner and we're doing what, you know,

how can you just be in that moment think this is my moment? This is the only moment in this life that exists. And when I'm doing three things at once, I am not present in any of them. And in truth, and I don't know whether you're just going to be arguing with me from wherever you are, wherever you're listening, saying, Anna, multitasking is the only way for me. It's the only way I get things done. Have you not seen what's on my to-do list? I just really challenge you then.

If not every, if not all of the times, just some of the times, how can you just slow? and think right now I'm listening to my kid tell me a long drawn out story from their day at nursery right now I'm emptying the dishwasher what a privilege it is

to have these clean plates what a privilege it is to have a dishwasher with running water what a privilege it is just thinking just thinking about what you're doing and you will not leave a trail of toothpaste around your house

and you won't just be added to that stress hormone in your body that you then need to down, regulate you from. You need to calm your body once that chaos has passed because all of the things you thought you were doing to help yourself to make things easier for yourself later, you're actually just giving yourself the stress hormone to, you know, just to regulate yourself later.

So actually, I just think it's so worth thinking about. Sure, do some of the modgetasking if that's, you know, sometimes we can be so wedded to this. and I will still multitask, but sometimes I'd just like to remind myself this is actually stress, is stressing me out more. I'm not going to do everything well

and I'm probably making things harder for myself in the long run. There's now I've got to clean up all the toothpaste. How can I be where I am? This is my moment. This moment right now, as I talk to you, this moment is the only moment I have. This is the only moment that is real in my life,

now. Everything else can exist in a different moment. I can focus on that in a different moment. And I know we always have different threads of awareness and thought and that is okay. That is how our brains work. It's not about shutting those down. It's just about choosing to remind yourself to do one thing at a time, where you can, less stress hormone, better job done, more presence, more being in your life being a human being not just a human doing and if you're going to be a human doing be whilst you're at it if that even makes sense but yeah just hope that prompts a few more moments of presence for you and a little less toothpaste clear up thank you so much for listening to today's episode of the therapy edit if you have enjoyed it

don't forget to subscribe and review for me Also, if you need any resources at all, I have lots of videos and courses and everything from health anxiety to driving anxiety and people pleasing nail all on my website, Anna Martha.com. And also, don't forget my brand new book, Raising a Happier Mother is out now for you to enjoy and benefit from. It's all about how to find balance, feel good and see your children flourish as a result. Speak to you soon.