The Therapy Edit - On how to feel motivated

Episode Date: January 3, 2022

Do you struggle to feel motivated sometimes? You know what you need to do or want to do, but the challenge is actually doing it. I share a tip for motivation that transformed my week and beyond.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hello and welcome to this week's episode of The Therapy Edit. Now, today's reflection is on, it came from a moment when I was really tired on the sofa the other week. I'd been away with family we'd had an incredibly late night late night not because we'd been partying but purely

because we thought it'd be a really good idea to put five kids in a tent in the living room needless to say I think the last one exited the tent into their own bed at 2 o'clock in the morning so yes we were pretty exhausted and lots of coffee was drunk

but that next evening I sat on the sofa back in my in home and we were watching The Vigil, which we are absolutely loving at the moment, a bit late to the game, I know. And my finger hovered over the button that comes up when it's, you know, do you want to watch the next episode? And I thought, I looked at the clock. And I thought, oh my goodness, if we start, we won't stop. It will be another late night for different reasons. and this little voice popped into my head and it said, Anna, no one can make you, no one can make

you go to bed. And it kind of cut through that part of me that was just happy to procrastinate, that actually, do you ever feel too tired to go to bed that there are so many getting ready for bed jobs to be done? The dishwasher's got to go on, the door's got to be locked, I've got to take my makeup off, I've got to brush the teeth, and actually, when you're tired, that just feels like a huge list of to-dos that actually it's much easier just to sit on the sofa and delay the inevitable. Yes, it can feel like such a journey even to get to bed. And the tighter you are, the longer that journey seems. Anyway, this voice in the back of my mind, it said, Anna, no one can make you go to bed. And I said to myself, right, ready, steady, go. And I leapt off the sofa and I said to

my husband, no one can make us go to bed. I think it was that acknowledgement that there is no adult that is going to step into the room. There is no parent that is going to take me by the shoulders and guide me up to my bedroom because they know that I need to sleep. And yes, it just cut through that living in the moment trying to avoid things part of me that is always there to different degrees. And I went to bed. And then that voice came again just shortly later because for so long I've been saying I need to get back into my little routine of getting up before the kids and doing simply 10 minutes of stretching and yoga and 10 minutes of a meditation from an app on my phone. And I've been saying to myself, I'm going to start this on Monday. I'm going

to start this on Monday. So as I went to bed that night at a good time, I looked over at my phone and that voice came back and it said, Anna, no one can make you. No one's going to make you set that alarm. No one's going to make you. So I set the alarm. And then in the morning when the alarm went off, I heard it, I heard it. And actually, I'm not used to hearing alarm because normally my alarm is the kids. But I looked over to my phone and I held it in my hand and that little voice came back and it said again, Anna, no one can make you get out of bed right now. No one can make you go downstairs and do this thing that you know is good for you.

so I said to myself again right ready steady go and I got out of bed and I did that and I did that thing and I did that stretching and I did that meditation and then the chaos started shortly after the chaos of you know busy family life in the morning getting everyone ready for school one child in a pirate outfit that we had to dig out and I just had something more of myself I had something more to give when those tantrums came and when the usual shuffler of getting everyone's shoes on and the drama that comes with that, I had more of myself to give.

And then later on, often our routine after school is to go home, we go quickly around the development on the bikes and then they sit on the sofa and fight whilst I cook dinner in the kitchen. And again, that little voice said to me, and then nobody's going to make you mix that up. No one's going to make you change up that routine in a way that is going to benefit you.

So I put them all in the car after the school run and off we went to a local park and we just did something different. And that evening the kid said, you know, that was the best part of the day. That was their highlight. I always asked them, what is your bad, mad or sad moment?

And what was a happy moment? And all of them said was going to this park. And it would have been so easy not to do that. It would have been far easier not to do that. But this little thing, I guess it just, it's like conjuring up, this inner parent. You know, that kind of guiding inner parent. And maybe for some people that is harder to conjure up, because actually you have not had that. You have not had that kind of, that gentle but firm, sensible guide.

to say to you, we know what's good for you. We know what you need. We also know what you like and what you feel like and you don't really fancy doing right now. But actually, what you need is this. What you need is this. So I've been using it all the time, even in those moments of, you know, those emails that just sit in the inbox that you know you need to get back to. I've used this for booking my kids' dental appointment. One of those things that's just kept slipping down the to-do list. I used it booking the cat in to the vets for his annual jabs, a message that I've kept ignoring on my phone when they send me the reminders. I'm almost just using it to pair up myself to make it easier because sometimes I do, I need that guiding. Sometimes I need that reminder that actually

you can do this, Anna, and you can avoid doing that. But this is what, you need. This is what's going to further you. This is what's going to keep you in a good place. This is what's going to stop you from feeling overwhelmed. This is what's going to stop you from doing the same old things. What's that quote? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. It was Einstein that said that. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. And I think to me this is just cutting through. It's cutting through some of those excuses

in that moment where I'm procrastinating. It's about choosing the decision in that moment that it's actually far more respectful, that it's far more likely to help me in the long run. It's choosing what I need instead of what my fickle emotions will tell me that I want or don't want. It's opting for the what is best.

rather than what is now and what might be nicer. I think many of us, we know that we have habits that we want to break, cycles that we want to interrupt, perhaps dreams we want to live, things we want to work on. And it's those, it's just addressing those as they arise. And I find this really helpful in just prompting me to choose what it is that might be better. Not funner, not nicer, not lazier, but better. So how might

this help you? No one can make you do that. No one can force you. No one can make that decision for you. No one can write that email, book that appointment, set that alarm, but you. I think also sometimes there's a part of me that just hopes that things will change in time, but nothing will change unless we change it. And all in all, one late night isn't going to be all and end all. One more episode, it isn't going to be all and end all. But they all add up. It all adds up.

And I know that when I'm tired, I'm not going to parent in a way that I'm proud of. I can't respond in a way that I'm proud of. It's much harder to be patient. It's much harder to think rationally. it's much harder to address some of those destructive ways of thinking that I can be so prone to. So next time, whether it's you're sitting on the sofa and you're eyeing up the clock and you're thinking of bed

and you've got your hand hovering over the button or you're looking at your email and you know that there is something in there that you need to address. Just remember, no one can force you, no one can make you. It's up to you. and I love the ready, steady go. Ready, steady go. It's like a little launch into action, bypassing the feelings and the thoughts

and all the things in that moment that will try and persuade you otherwise. It's really changing things for me. Perhaps it might even change my life. I don't know what's your space, but it's something I really wanted to share with you this week. And I'd love to hear also. I'd love to hear ways in which it might,

have helped you or moved you into action in things that are really beneficial. I hope that was helpful. Take care. Thank you for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you enjoyed it, please do share, subscribe and review. You can find more from me on Instagram, Anna Martha. You might like to check out my two books called Mind Over Mother and Know Your Worth. I'm also the founder of the Mother Mind Way, a platform full of guides, research, and a community with the sole focus on supporting mothers' mental and emotional well-being.

It's been lovely chatting with you. Speak soon.