The Therapy Edit - On how to form habits that last

Episode Date: January 29, 2024

In this solo episode, published in the week in January that so many of us will be questioning whether we can maintain the ambitious resolutions and pledges that we set ourselves as the New Year dawned, Anna offers advice on how listeners can form habits that really last.We hope they help you keep going and make simple changes that you can fancify later.We hope you enjoy.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hello, this is just a solo episode today and I want to share one tiny little quote with you that I saw. And honestly, I don't even know who it's attributed to. It was in one of those little, you know, like Instagram squares that I whizzed past. So if you know, let me know. But it was very simply, it said start simple, get fancy later. And I loved it.

And I've just been mulling it over. So I thought I'd carry on my contemplations in the form of a little 10 minute episode with you. And I think it can mean anything really, can't it? Just start simple, get fancy later. Start simple. Get fancy later. Now, we know that our culture is very much encouraging of just get fancy from the off. You know, do it all, do it all, start something, go hard or go home, all or nothing.

The things, the challenges that we set ourselves, that actually if we're, if we're honest, it's just too much. We're expecting so much. I remember last year, I think it was being like, right, I'm going to read a book a month. I'm going to read a chapter a day. And in truth, I just, it was too much. much. I wasn't even in the habit of reading a nonfiction, you know, peeing up a nonfiction book every day. In fact, there were points in the last few years where I wasn't in the, even in the

habit of actually just pausing in the day. So to expect myself to read, read, read, or this kind of brilliant nonfiction learning learning right from the off is a really taught order. That's like a fancy target. Yeah. And sometimes we just need to strip it. back. Just strip it back. How can you get whatever it is that you have in mind at the moment is something. And we're in January that you've probably got loads of things and aims and goals and intentions and all of these things. I want you to grab hold of one of those. And I want you to think, is this fancy? What is fancy about this goal? What is big about this goal? Because I can get to fancy. We can get to fancy down the line. But what?

we need to do is we need to get simple in first. I started reading. So I'm now, I started simple, right, with my get fancy later. Start simple get fancy later. I quickly realized I wasn't going to read, be able to get through a whole, not picture book every month because I also really like fiction and I, you know, I wasn't, didn't have a lot of gaps in my, in my week. And I wasn't very good at just sitting down and doing anything other than scrolling in those moments. So I decided to simplify it and just read, you know, page a day. And lo and behold, I got into the habit and a year down the line, I'm much more able to fulfill, you know, more towards that, that fancy goal. But it was the stripping back. It was the recognition that actually, you know what,

before I get to reading a book a month and learning all of this stuff, I need to actually get simple. I need to address my attitude to rest. I need to use the pauses in my day in a way that feeds and fuels me rather than something that just fills my mind with another load of stuff that I probably don't need and raises my stress levels and all of this. So if you're going to address, if you want to address diet and you're there thinking, you know what, I'm just not filling my body in a way that is respectful to my need, in a way that is nutritious, in a way that is honoring.

what I have here, the body that I have for the rest of my life. I want to address my food. And what do we do we so quickly go to? I'm going to do this, time. I'm going to follow that. I'm going to get rid of everything in my cupboard. And I am going to change it all up. And where do we go with that? Where do we go with that? We very quickly get to failure, don't we? We start fancy. We start fancy. We start fancy. And we skip simple. We skip simple. So if for you this year, one of your intentions, one of your hopes, one of your desires for yourself is to nourish yourselves better, how can you step back from fancy and start simple? Just think about what is my relationship with my body? Am I going to make choices that are nurturing and nutritious

when inside my internal dialogue is bullying and critical? Because do we care for something? We don't have respect for. Have you ever bought something so cheap that you don't look after it? You know, an item of clothing that you bought is so cheap. You bought it on Vintage for a couple of quid. If it was full price, you wouldn't even look at it. It's in your wardrobe. You've not, you've not looked after it. You don't even like it. You don't respect it. It might be sat crumpled on the floor. You know, are you going to respect something that you don't actually value? Are you going to make good choices around how you nourish yourself when Oz internally, you're being critical and bullying. You're not valuing yourself. What other things

might you apply? You know, loads of people, right, I want to do more movement this year. And I love the transition of calling it from exercise to movement. I really try and do this when I talk about exercise movement. I talk about it as movement because movement, you know, so often we, we think, right, I'm going to do this plan. I'm going to do this here. I'm going to bish, bash, bosh. When actually we have different needs every day our bodies need different things every day so looking on it is movement what movement can I do today

that is honouring where I am anyway going back to don't skip simple don't skip simple to get to fancy if you find yourself this year thinking right I'm going to get really fit I'm going to be doing couched 5K I'm going to do 10K a week

I'm going to sign up to the park runs right right right you know we know where that ends up don't we generally we know where that ends up It ends up, we fall at the first hurdle, we fall at the first snowfall, we fall at the first rainy day, we fall at the first cold, we fall at, because we're not starting simple. Don't skip simple when it comes to movement. If that's one of your things, how can you go back to simple? Start simple. Again, are you respecting your body? Do you care about your body? What is your relationship with yourself? What is that? Are you hydrated? yourself? Are you valuing yourself in a way that you are drinking water? Because a dehydrated body is a distress body. Are you nourishing yourself? Are you putting boundaries around rest and bedtime? Are you doing these things? You're doing these foundational, simple things before you get to

fancy, before you get to the park runs or the whatever it is that you want to do. Don't skip simple. Don't skip simple and go straight to fancy because you know what you can get fancy down the line. When you are honoring your body and how you are talking to yourself and then as a result you have a bit more self-respect and self-worth and self-esteem and therefore you're making different decisions around the boundaries that you have in your life around work maybe in rest or relationships and you're feeling like you're deserving. You're feeling like you can listen to yourself. Because often when we go hard and we go home, what are we overriding? We can be overriding feelings. We can be overriding the fact that we're run down. We can be overriding

the fact that we need rest. You know, start simple. Listen to yourself. Listen to yourself. Listen to your needs. And then get fancy down the line. Get fancy with your movement down the line because you know yourself. One day you wake up, you know you just need to stretch. One day you wake up, you know you want to sweat one day you wake up you know you need to take it easy start simple step back do not do not skip simple if you want to be sustainable if you want to get fancy let that be down the line let it be an adding upon a foundation of something that is respectful and honoring and good for you to you then honestly these things are so much easier is so much easier to think, how am I going to move today?

You know, movement is part of my day now. It wasn't always, you know, it wouldn't be a part of my day. Then I'd be upset that I couldn't stick to it. And then I'd do plans and they would overlook how I felt. I'd be doing workouts when I was unwell. I would be feeling guilty when I didn't. And then, you know, when you go back to Simple and you start thinking, right, how am I treat myself?

How am I listening to myself? How am I tending to my needs? And then now I move every day. I've done a 15 minutes wait thing today. I've walked whilst I spoke to my therapist. You know, it's part of my life now, but it's about starting simple. Get fancy later. What does that look like to you as you approach this next year?

How can you honour and respect yourself in going back to the simplicity of what you're wanting to do and achieve for yourself? So yeah, don't skip simple. start simple and then get fancy. I hope that's helpful. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you have enjoyed it, don't forget to subscribe and review for me. Also, if you need any resources at all, I have lots of videos and courses on everything from health anxiety to driving anxiety and people pleasing nail all on my website, anamatha.com.

And also, don't forget my brand new book, Raising a Happier Mother is out now for you. to enjoy and benefit from. It's all about how to find balance, feel good and see your children flourish as a result. Speak to you soon.