The Therapy Edit - On how to get better sleep

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

Sleep. It's one of life's most valuable commodities. But so few of us actually get enough sleep. In fact, according to Matthew Walker, Professor of Neuroscience and Psychology at the University of California, and one of the world's foremost experts on sleep, two thirds of adults worldwide do not receive the recommended 8 hours of nightly sleep. So, how can we get more sleep? And if that's not always possible, how can we improve our sleep so that we can parent better and enjoy life to the fullest?In this solo episode of The Therapy Edit, Anna shares her tried and tested tips and tools to getting better sleep.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hello, I hope you're okay. This is a solo episode of the Therapy Edit today. It's just me chatting to you about getting better sleep. This came from a listener question. It was Anna, how can I improve sleep when I'm feeling anxious or overwhelmed? Now, who doesn't want better sleep?

I don't know how you're sleeping. There are so many factors totally outside of our control, aren't there? I have a currently a three-year-old, a six-year-old and an eight-year-old. And it's actually often my six-year-old who comes in and wakes us up. He has bad dreams, it seems, quite often. And that's totally outside of my control. But I always want better sleep. I always want good sleep because I have begun to see it as one of the most important commodities in life. It is the source of more resilience, more patience, more happiness. Because when I'm absolutely exhausted and I'm sure you'll relate, I feel like I'm just dragging myself through life. And if you look back to some of those tiredest periods, the tiredest periods of your life, it just can sometimes feel. feel just like you're scraping through. It can feel really grey sometimes. So sleep to me is

one of the most important commodities in life. Good sleep helps me parent better and enjoy the day more. Now, I've had patches of insomnia in my teens and 20s. So if you are struggling to sleep, even when you do get the chance, I hear you, I've been there. It's awful. And I've got some tips and some tools. So what I'm going to talk about today is five tips on how to make sure that we get the best kind of sleep when we can. Putting aside the things that we cannot control and focusing on what can we do to improve the quality of our sleep, but also improve our chances of getting more of it when we can and falling asleep at a good time. So here we go. Number one, have a good bedtime. Now, I know that this is kind of your basic sleep

advice but I'm speaking here very specifically to those of us who are bedtime procrastinators do you find sometimes that you sabotage your opportunity for sleep and rest by trying to get some me time that kind of scraping back of just time where your agenda is your agenda maybe you've got some bits to kind of do and finish off often I have an email or two to sort but it's that time for us is on the sofa. We have dinner together on the sofa. We don't even talk that much, but we can watch what we want to watch. And it's just me time where there is less call on my demands. However, often what we do is we want more of this. So we end up sabotaging our opportunity to go to sleep. We end up sabotaging our bedtime and it can get nudged later

and later. Think about a cut off time. For us, we start heading to bed at 10 and normally we have the lights out just before 11. I love to read. I get very excited. I get into bed. I don't quite understand why my husband doesn't make the same noises as me in bed. I get into bed and I'm like, this is the best feeling in the world. And I have my book and I'm just so happy in bed. So think about that feeling call a cut-off time. What is your cut-off time? If you have a partner, maybe you can discuss it together, discuss what can happen around this time. Do you go together? Do you go separately? Do you want different bedtimes? How can you call a cut-off time? Something that you know is right for you. Now, this involves discipline. And discipline is often doing what we don't want to do when we don't want

when we don't want to do it, but we know that it's right. It's about parenting ourselves, that firm, loving, knows better kind of parent. Now, what I tend to do is literally rock it off the sofa. I see the time. I see the watch next episode button on Netflix or whatever it is. And my thumb hovers and I look at the time and I think nobody is going to put me to bed. No one is going to make me go to bed. So I literally rock it. off the sofa. I go three, two, one, and then I'm up and I'm off. So what can you do? What can you put in place so that you're not procrastinating, knowing that the good and the right thing is often to do what you don't feel like doing, which is going to bed. Now, we can have this

zero inbox approach in life. And I will do anything just to reply to everything so that I have my empty inbox. But the thing is, there is always, the more you send, the more come back. So before I know it there's another one and it's like being on this treadmill of seeking zero empty inbox and often we do that with to do list don't we we want to get it all done and we think well I just want to get it all done today I want to get it all done today and draw a line under it but we can't we just cannot get everything done sometimes we have to draw a line under our day so how and when can you draw a line under your day number two dump the day declare it over draw that line under it, productivity is now done. How can you do this? How can you dump the day? All that

stuff whizzing around your mind. How can you put it down? I know, for example, that if I'm lying there and I'm thinking, oh my gosh, I didn't do this. And then I want to hold it in my head so that tomorrow I don't forget. But then I'm just ruminating over it. So what I'll do is I'll just scribble it down. So I know then I've dumped that. That's there for me tomorrow. I don't have to hold it anymore. Maybe you journal, you scribble things down on a pad and paper so they don't keep whirring around in your mind. Maybe you need to rant something out. Maybe you need to talk it out. Externally process it with your partner or a friend so that you're not just going over and over and over it in your mind. How can you dump the day? Number three, give yourself time to wind

down. It can be really hard when we're just getting stuff done and we're kind of running around the house and then suddenly it's, bam, it's bedtime and we're in bed and now we're needing to go to sleep right now. I've done that and now I'm doing this. We've shifted gears so quickly. So how can we transition? We need to transition from that busyness to that slowness to that state of rest. Now think about reading a book over reading your phone. Please, please think about this. Think about shutting out the outside world. Your phone is a portal to the world. And as we scroll, we're giving our brain so much more to process. Now, books engage our brain very differently. They literally do. You can feel your body calming down. We're not engaging in quite the same way.

Number four, find tools for anxiety and rumination. So the person that messaged me specifically were saying, how can I find ways to sleep when I'm feeling anxious, when I'm feeling worried and overwhelmed now my book mind over mother or the reframing anxiety course has so much so much insight to really help you understand what is anxiety what is what is happening in our minds what can we do about it but ruminating will fire up that fight or flight sympathetic nervous system response do you feel it when you're thinking and you're thinking and you're worrying and you're creating these stories and your heart rate is increasing and then that sleep it's harder to, it's harder to grab, doesn't it? It just gets nudged out of reach. I'd encourage you,

one of my favorite ones, because it just works so well, because I'm terrible at maths, this simple counting back from 100 in threes, or literally, any math thing that feels challenging will just interrupt. Maybe you have a higher power, maybe you want to do, to pray or to hand over the things that you're concerned or worried about to a higher power. You know, something else that is really helpful is knowing that things like caffeine you know this is on a more kind of practical level things like caffeine and alcohol they really really disturb our sleep even if we are falling asleep okay the quality of our sleep really really hampered really harmed if we're having caffeine or alcohol especially towards bedtime and number five know that

all rest is restorative in some way even if you're just lying there in the warmth and you're resting with that sensory deprivation that darkness offers. You know, we're just taking in so much in the day and lying in that dark room in the soft comfort of our bed is giving us some really important and welcome sensory deprivation. We're having a break from all of the input. Now, that is so good for you. Now, I have found that acknowledging this, that rest is restorative in some way. It removes that pressure to sleep because sleep is one of those things that the more we try to do it, the more it escapes us. So if you are going through a patch of struggling to full of sleep and then we get wound up, don't we? And then at that fight or fright,

that nervous system stress response kicks in. This could be an amazing time to practice any breathing exercises that you know. There are so many. A really good one is inhale for four, hold for seven and exhale steadily through your mouth for eight. So just reminding yourself that any rest is good. Now don't look at the clock because that adds pressure. Now finally it's all about self-parenting, recognizing that you aren't limitless. You deserve rest. You will be more productive with good rest and all rest is good rest. So take the pressure off, wind down. Read a book, shut the world out, and let yourself rest. Thank you for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit.

If you enjoyed it, please do share, subscribe or review because it makes a massive difference to how many people it can reach. You can find more from me on Instagram at Anna Martha. You might like to check out my three books, Mind Oath and Mother, Know Your Worth, and my new book, The Little Book of Calm for New Mums, grounding words for the highs, the lows, and the moments in between. It's a little book.

You don't need to read it from front to back. You just pick whatever emotion resonates to find a mantra, a tip and some supportive words to bring comfort and clarity. You can also find all my resources, guides and videos, all with the sole focus

of supporting your emotional and mental well-being as a month. They are all 12 pounds and you can find them on anamatha.com. I look forward to speaking with you soon. Thank you.